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(logo sizzles)
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(no audio)
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? 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, ?
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? Five, four, three, two, one ?
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(dramatic music)
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(no audio)
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- I'm a Marine Corps veteran.
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I served from 1998 to 2003.
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Scariest day of my whole
Marine Corps career was
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the first day of bootcamp.
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It was a culture shock, you know.
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I wasn't ready.
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As soon as we got off the bus,
it just started happening.
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It's like, "Get over
here, get in this line."
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I'm like, "Okay, we're starting now.
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Okay, son of a bitch.
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Oh shit."
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It was all so fast, you know?
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They put us in line, they shaved our head,
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they stripped us down naked.
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They left us that way for an
inappropriate amount of time.
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It's like three or four hours,
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just naked getting yelled at.
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"Get in this line."
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"Is this the line for clothes?
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Oh my God, I hope so, fuck."
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They finally gave us new clothes,
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like one piece at a time, you know?
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Like, "Here's a sock.
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Too slow back of the line.
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Oh fuck, okay."
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When you finally get some sleep, right?
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They got you lined up
in front of the bunks.
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The guy comes in, he's like,
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"All right, we're gonna
secure and hit the rack,
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so put on the following
articles of clothing."
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He makes us put on those
little tighty-whitey, you know,
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and the green T-shirt and the flip flops.
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And he made us tuck the
T-shirt into the underwear.
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Yeah, I was like, "Why are
you making us be so cute, man?
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This is fucken adorable."
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And they made us stamp
our name on the underwear
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right across the dick.
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That was messed up, man.
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We were trying to learn
each other's names and shit.
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I was just trying to make friends.
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I was like, "Hey man, nice
to meet you, Garcia, fuck."
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He's like, "Actually, it's Garcia Reyes.
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Well, it wrapped around, bro, whatever.
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I'll fucken learn your long
ass hyphenated name later."
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I got in trouble the
first morning of bootcamp.
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The first wake up,
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I was the first recruit in trouble.
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I wasn't even awake good.
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I didn't know what the hell was going on.
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He was mad 'cause I had a boner, you know?
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Was banging a trash can.
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Like "Get up and get out of bed."
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I just jumped up like,
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"Here we go, son of a bitch, oh fuck."
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I'm like, "Fuck it, I'll just
stick it out there, I guess.
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Yeah!"
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Dude was pissed.
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It's like he took offense to it
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like I was doing it on purpose.
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So I took him right out
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of his little prepared speech, you know?
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He's coming down the line like,
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"Today is day one of
Marine Corps bootcamp.
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Today we will begin to
instill in you a sense of...
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(audience laughs)
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What the fuck is this right here?"
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He just called me out
in front of everybody.
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He just said it straight out.
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"Why are you hard, Knowles?"
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I was like, "Why are you guys not?
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It's morning.
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(audience laughs)
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I'm 19.
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This is gonna happen, bro."
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(audience applauds)
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You know how it is when
you're different in bootcamp.
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They wanna make an example out of you.
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So he made me stand at attention
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in front of the whole squad bay
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with my boner that said
Knowles across the front.
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The W's all stretched out wide and shit.
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He made everyone else do pushups.
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I had to just stand there.
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He's like, "You boys
enjoying all these pushups?
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Well, everybody's gonna keep doing pushups
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until Knowles's boner goes away."
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Like that's a lot of pressure
for a young man, you know?
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I was trying to wish it away, like uh!
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Nope, it's like got a pulse. (thuds)
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(audience laughs)
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I'm like, "Grandma, baseball, fuck.
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Hillary Clinton, that helps a little."
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(everyone laughs)
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It took forever and those guys
had to do like 400 pushups.
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He was like, "Yeah, y'all
enjoying all these pushups?
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Well, let's see how
Knowles is doing over here.
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Nope, he's still turned on over here."
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(everyone laughs)
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Yeah, I was like, "I'm not turned on, sir,
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but quit breathing on it maybe.
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Back up, bro.
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(everyone laughs)
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Right, you spit when you talk.
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That's not helping at all, man.
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(audience laughs)
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I ain't gonna say I liked
it, but I didn't hate it."
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That was day one for me.
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(rock music)
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(rock music continues)
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Present, Arms
(writing scratches)
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