Original subtitles

(electricity crackles)

(no audio)

? 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, ?

? Aye, sir ?

? Five ?

? Four ?

? Three ?

? Two ?

? One ?

(dramatic music)

(anxious music) (distant soldiers chanting)

- Wake up, soldiers.

We got trouble.

This is not a drill.

We're under attack by the Crud.

(Ripped pants)

- What the hell is the Crud?

- Oh, the nasties.

They don't care about anything but themselves.

Their neglect, their filth, it gives birth to the Crud

and now it's back stronger than ever.

We've faced this enemy before

and we barely made it out of alive but we learned,

we adapted and we fortified ourselves and tonight,

we stand united against this ancient foe.

We fight not just for ourselves

but for all those who came before us

and for those who'll come after.

We must not let the Crud take another generation.

- Please, man, I've faced worse in the field.

- This isn't your average skirmish, soldier.

Crud is relentless and it's coming for all of us.

- I was there when COVID-19 hit.

I tell you back then,

it was like the world turned upside down.

Squad bay was empty.

Light duty chits left and right and the coughing. (coughs)

It had cut through the squad bay like a grim chorus.

Lots of nasty to it.

That's something you never quite shake off.

Made us realize how fragile life really is.

Okay.

Anyways, we need a strategy.

How do we fight something we can't even see?

- We use what we've got.

Ripped, you're our first line of defense.

Spray that aesthetic energy drink on everything that moves.

- You got it, sir. (pants)

- We need to contain it, seal off the vents. (coughs)

Block the door.

- Good thinking, soldier.

Dip Can, you're on door duty.

No Crud gets past you.

- Locked and loaded, motherfuckers.

- Listen up, soldiers.

This is our moment.

We fight together or we fall together.

We've face nasties, we've face crime

but this nasty slime thinks it can take us down?

Hell no.

Today, we stand united against this filth

that threatens our duty hut.

Today we show this filthy crud

what true badasses we're made of.

We will fight every ounce of our strength

and we will not stop until every last drop

of this shit is wiped off the face of this hut.

Today, we take a stand.

Today, we fight like hell.

Today, we kick some ass! (echoes)

(dramatic music)

(Crud growls)

(pen clacks)

(Crud growls)

(Cough Drop wheezes)

(Cough Drop snorts)

(Tin Can blasting)

(Crud growls)

- RIPIT and RIP IT, you slimy fucker!

(Crud growls)

- RIPIT, now!

Do it now!

(electronic warbles)

(explosion booms) (Crud roars)

(debris clattering)

Shit.

He did it.

That son of a bitch did it.

- Man, I told you guys we were in for it.

This Crud ain't nothing to fuck with.

Anyone got a pouch?

(pen sighs)

(electricity crackles)

(Cough Drop exhales)

(Crud cackles) - Wait a minute.

Something's not right.

- [Crud] You see, I am not just a mere illness.

I am a force of nature.

A scourge upon humanity.

You may have fought valiantly but in the end,

no one can escape my gaze.

I am everywhere and nowhere,

lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike.

You will tremble before me,

your strength draining away with each passing moment.

Surrender to the stench of all of me

and the let the Crud consume you all.

May your souls find solace in the the dark place.

For I, I am the Crud and I reign supreme. (cackles)

(soldiers coughing)

(distant soldiers chanting)

(soldier slurps) (soldier gulps)

- These fuckin' nasties.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music continues)

(dramatic music continues)

- [Drill Sergeant] Present, Arms.

- Sir! (pen squeaks)

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