Original subtitles

(electric crackling)

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- [Announcer] "Rent-A-DI."

- [Spokesperson] Do you have a veteran husband

that isn't the man he once was?

- Maybe we should get a mechanic.

- Weren't you Motor-T?

- [Spokesperson] Did he go from your GI Joe to a vet bro?

(picture tears)

Are you looking for new ways

to motivate him but nothing's working?

(chip crunches)

Well, look no further.

Introducing Rent-A-Drill Instructor.

Here at Rent-A-Drill,

we'll unlock your veteran's inner savage

and get you the stud you fell in love with.

- Better yet, let's get your husband to do it.

Eyeballs!

- Click, sir!

- Dipstick, dipstick in your hand.

Ready,

move!

- Kill.

- [Spokesperson] Our basic training fundamentals

trigger instant and willing obedience to orders

in all former veterans.

- Can you help me with the lawn?

- [Drill Instructor] Sprint now, scream "Aye, sir."

- Aye, sir! - Sprint, sprint, sprint.

- Aye, sir!

- There's no way your that slow

you can run your fat body back right now!

- Aye, sir! - Sprint!

Zero! - Freeze!

- [Spokesperson] Our drill Instructors make sure

that your spouse won't hesitate when given an order.

- Hey babe, before you come back,

can you bring me a glass of lemonade?

- Glass of lemonade online.

Ready, move.

- Kill! - Sprint, sprint, sprint.

- When I first met Jake, he was an active duty Marine.

He was well-groomed, he cooked and cleaned.

He had (moan) hard muscles and a high libido.

But the longer he's been out, (sigh)

the softer he's gotten.

Again?

- Come on.

Come on.

- Ugh. (buzzer blares)

But after using Rent-A-Drill Instructor, his adrenaline

and testosterone levels are higher than ever.

- [Spokesperson] For three easy payments of $17.76,

our drill instructors will get the most

out of your disgruntled and disgusting husband.

- Two, scream it!

- Aye, sir! - Yeah, right.

Scream it. - Aye, sir!

(Linda moans)

(broom handle clacks)

- Ever since that nigga got Rent-A-DI,

he's been fucking all night.

I can't get no sleep but I'm proud of him.

- [Spokesperson] But wait, there's more.

If you act now, we will even send

the veteran's actual drill instructor

for 249 easy payments of $17.75.

- Aye, aye, sir!

- Thank you for your what, your service?

Open your mouth! - Aye, aye, sir.

- He never sounded off on the island either.

(Linda moans) - Faster!

- Aye, aye, sir. - Faster!

- Aye, aye, sir!

- [Linda] Can you actually

slow it down a bit, Staff Sergeant Walker?

- Aye, aye, ma'am.

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.

- Aye, aye, sir.

- Thanks for saving my marriage, Rent-A-DI.

(sound effect chimes)

- Faster! - Aye, aye, sir!

- [Spokesperson] ] So what are you waiting for?

- Aye, aye, sir! - Operators are standing by.

Call 1-800-RENT-A-DI.

It would behoove you.

Warning, Rent-A-Drill Instructor may be lethal

in situations involving laundry machines or dryers.

We offer no money back guarantees.

All purchases are final.

Chewing tobacco and divorces are sold separately.

- Oh, you don't have any rank.

Your husband used to be a gunnery sergeant

but now he's washed out, no problem.

We'll get that squared away as soon as possible.

Yes ma'am. - Aye, aye, sir!

- Yes ma'am.

Thank you for calling. - Aye, aye, sir!

(upbeat electronic music)

(upbeat electronic music continues)

- Present. (pen squeaks)

- [Marine] Arms.

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