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(electric crackling)
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(no audio)
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? 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, ?
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? Five, four, three, two, one ?
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- [Announcer] "Rent-A-DI."
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- [Spokesperson] Do you
have a veteran husband
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that isn't the man he once was?
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- Maybe we should get a mechanic.
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- Weren't you Motor-T?
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- [Spokesperson] Did he go
from your GI Joe to a vet bro?
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(picture tears)
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Are you looking for new ways
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to motivate him but nothing's working?
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(chip crunches)
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Well, look no further.
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Introducing Rent-A-Drill Instructor.
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Here at Rent-A-Drill,
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we'll unlock your veteran's inner savage
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and get you the stud
you fell in love with.
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- Better yet, let's get
your husband to do it.
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Eyeballs!
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- Click, sir!
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- Dipstick, dipstick in your hand.
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Ready,
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move!
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- Kill.
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- [Spokesperson] Our basic
training fundamentals
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trigger instant and
willing obedience to orders
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in all former veterans.
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- Can you help me with the lawn?
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- [Drill Instructor] Sprint
now, scream "Aye, sir."
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- Aye, sir!
- Sprint, sprint, sprint.
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- Aye, sir!
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- There's no way your that slow
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you can run your fat body back right now!
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- Aye, sir!
- Sprint!
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Zero!
- Freeze!
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- [Spokesperson] Our drill
Instructors make sure
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that your spouse won't
hesitate when given an order.
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- Hey babe, before you come back,
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can you bring me a glass of lemonade?
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- Glass of lemonade online.
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Ready, move.
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- Kill!
- Sprint, sprint, sprint.
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- When I first met Jake, he
was an active duty Marine.
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He was well-groomed,
he cooked and cleaned.
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He had (moan) hard
muscles and a high libido.
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But the longer he's been out, (sigh)
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the softer he's gotten.
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Again?
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- Come on.
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Come on.
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- Ugh.
(buzzer blares)
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But after using Rent-A-Drill
Instructor, his adrenaline
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and testosterone levels
are higher than ever.
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- [Spokesperson] For three
easy payments of $17.76,
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our drill instructors will get the most
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out of your disgruntled
and disgusting husband.
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- Two, scream it!
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- Aye, sir!
- Yeah, right.
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Scream it.
- Aye, sir!
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(Linda moans)
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(broom handle clacks)
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- Ever since that nigga got Rent-A-DI,
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he's been fucking all night.
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I can't get no sleep but I'm proud of him.
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- [Spokesperson] But wait, there's more.
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If you act now, we will even send
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the veteran's actual drill instructor
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for 249 easy payments of $17.75.
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- Aye, aye, sir!
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- Thank you for your what, your service?
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Open your mouth!
- Aye, aye, sir.
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- He never sounded off
on the island either.
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(Linda moans)
- Faster!
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- Aye, aye, sir.
- Faster!
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- Aye, aye, sir!
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- [Linda] Can you actually
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slow it down a bit, Staff Sergeant Walker?
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- Aye, aye, ma'am.
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Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
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- Aye, aye, sir.
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- Thanks for saving my
marriage, Rent-A-DI.
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(sound effect chimes)
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- Faster!
- Aye, aye, sir!
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- [Spokesperson] ] So
what are you waiting for?
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- Aye, aye, sir!
- Operators are standing by.
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Call 1-800-RENT-A-DI.
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It would behoove you.
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Warning, Rent-A-Drill
Instructor may be lethal
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in situations involving
laundry machines or dryers.
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We offer no money back guarantees.
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All purchases are final.
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Chewing tobacco and divorces
are sold separately.
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- Oh, you don't have any rank.
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Your husband used to be a gunnery sergeant
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but now he's washed out, no problem.
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We'll get that squared
away as soon as possible.
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Yes ma'am.
- Aye, aye, sir!
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- Yes ma'am.
101
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Thank you for calling.
- Aye, aye, sir!
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(upbeat electronic music)
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(upbeat electronic music continues)
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- Present.
(pen squeaks)
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- [Marine] Arms.
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00:03:57,917 --> 00:04:02,467
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