Original subtitles

(fire cracking)

(upbeat music)

? 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ? (people chattering)

? Five, four, three, two, one ?

(graphics booming)

- [Narrator] Tail on the Trail.

- Hey, man. Did you hear about Sergeant Dean?

- No. What?

- His wife cheated on him.

Fucked her manager at the Waffle House.

- Oh shit. (person coughs)

She wanted to be smothered and covered, huh?

- It's my favorite kind of hash browns.

- (chuckles) You think he's gonna take it out on us?

I'm gonna go pull security at the latrine.

(footsteps pattering)

(door creaking)

(door thuds)

- At ease. - At ease.

- Good evening, Drill Sergeant.

- [Private Holland] Good evening, Drill Sergeant.

- Shut the fuck up.

Check it out, weirdos.

Gonna go over to the end of the bay.

Put your nose against the wall

and you're not gonna fucking move

until I come get you.

Tracking?

Yes. No.

Fuck me.

- Yes, Drill Sergeant. - Yes, Drill Sergeant.

- Go execute.

(door knob clicking) (exciting music)

(suspenseful music)

(bodies thudding)

- Oh. Good evening, ma'am.

- Well, what do we have here?

- Sorry, I bumped into you, ma'am.

- Next time you have to pay for it.

(lips smooching)

- All right. Okay, that's enough.

Athena, I'll meet you in there.

- Yes, Sergeant.

(amorous music)

- Where did you come from?

- The latrine, Drill Sergeant.

- Oh, you couldn't hold it?

- I'm on latrine guard, Drill Sergeant.

- Why?

- The phantom shitter struck again?

Drill Sergeant Johnson put me on latrine duty.

- All right, look, you didn't see anything here tonight.

Understand? I need this.

- Yes, Drill Sergeant. - Good.

What did you see here tonight?

- Nothing, Drill Sergeant.

- Exactly.

Now get back in the latrine where you belong

and don't come out. Get the fuck out of my face.

- Yes, Drill Sergeant.

(footsteps pattering)

(doorknob clacks)

(door thuds)

(Sergeant Dean grunting) (Athena moaning)

- [Sergeant Dean] Fuck waffle house? (Athena moaning)

Fuck yeah, Athena. (Athena moaning)

(Sergeant Dean moaning) (Athena moaning)

(Sergeant Dean moaning)

- At ease. (Sergeant Dean moans)

Good evening, Sergeant Major.

- Quiet, Private.

I heard a bunch of commotion.

Is everything under control here?

- Yes, Sergeant Major. I'm just PTing on duty.

- All right, motivator.

Relax. Keep it quiet.

Is your drill sergeant awake?

- No, Sergeant Major.

Drill Sergeant Dean is asleep.

- Very well. Carry on.

- Yes, Sergeant Major. (person coughing)

- Ho- ho- hold on. What is that on your cheek?

- Ah, camo paint.

- In the shape of lips?

- Yes.

- Why?

- I miss my girlfriend, Sergeant Major.

- Privates like you is why I put in my retirement papers.

- Yes, Sergeant Major.

(tense music)

(exciting music)

(door thuds)

(tense music)

(door thuds) (exciting music)

(door thuds)

(tense music)

(shoes rustles)

- I heard what you said to Sergeant Major.

- Hey, you needed this, Drill Sergeant.

I heard about Waffle House.

- How the fuck did you hear about that?

- Um. Uh.

- Nevermind.

Congratulations. You're off my shit list.

- Thank you, Drill Sergeant.

- Shut the fuck up.

- Yes, Drill Sergeant.

- Get over here, Private Holland.

I'm gonna give you some time with Athena.

(lighthearted music)

(footsteps thudding)

(lighthearted music)

(person snoring)

(person coughing)

You have 30 seconds. I'll be counting.

(amorous music)

(doorknob clicks)

30, 29- - Private, you're so cute.

- 28, 27- (Private Holland coughs)

26, 25, 24, (Athena moaning)

23, 22, 21. (Private Holland moaning)

Good evening, Sergeant Major.

- Drill Sergeant Dean, I'm glad that you're awake.

I heard about your wife.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm partial to Denny's.

- Thank you, Sergeant Major.

- Why do you have camo paint on too?

Wow. I've never seen a piercing there before.

- Oh fuck.

(upbeat music)

- You think we can leave now?

- Fuck if I know.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues )

- [Drill Instructor] Present Arms.

(pen squeaking)

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