Original subtitles

You feel kinda sad about selling your place, babe?

Yeah, but we're getting married in four months.

(Sighs) We probably have to live in the same house.

Well, I'm excited you're excited.

Still, this place was like my island hideaway.

With all the chaos and the wedding stuff,

it's tough to let it go.

Speaking of wedding stuff,

I cut down our guest list to 80 people,

- give or take 61. - What is it with you

needing so many people around all the time?

This last month living with you--

Your house is never not full of humanity.

It's not that bad.

- Hey. - Hey. - There they are. - Hey.

In case anyone's wondering,

it's 6:30 in the morning.

Well, I'm sure they all have good reasons for being here.

- Nope. - Coffee.

I was trying to hide from that one, but he found me.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you can't be mad at me for this. (Chuckles)

Okay, he's gonna start locking the doors,

so do we all have those key necklaces

that I made for you?

Ohh. Great. (Chuckles) Okay.

(Lowered voice) I'll see you every day forever!

Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

Hey, Jules.

Uh, can I borrow your ladder? I threw my frisbee on the roof.

Sure. Who are you playing frisbee with?

It's just me. (Chuckles)

That's the saddest thing ever said.

As your co-maid of honor,

I have been obsessing about your bachelorette party.

There is this quaint little strip club

in Tampa called the Stud Farm.

It looks like a stable.

All the snacks come in these little feed bags...

(Mouths words) And for a couple extra bucks,

you can ride the guys around like horses,

and they will nibble sugar cubes off of your bouncies.

(Mouths word) Oh.

I know that place.

- You do? - No, 'cause I wasn't abused as a child.

- Wh-- - You guys are here again...

(Chuckles) In our kitchen, in those seats?

That's... (Laughs)

My life is Groundhog Day.

I know it is your favorite movie,

but I haven't seen it, so no spoilers.

(Lowered voice) I have seen it six times,

and I still don't know what I saw.

- No? - Oh, that's what I want to do

for my bachelorette party--

A tiara, and we watch Groundhog Day,

and you guys can explain it to me.

Oh, my God. It's gonna be the longest party in the world.

(Clanks) (Bobby, high-pitched voice) Oh!

(All, singsongy) Penny can!

(Normal voice) Can you think of anything better to do

than an all-day round of penny can?

Not enough time in my life to answer that.

- Uh... (High-pitched voice) - Ah!

(Clatters) Ooh!

That went right into that sewer grate.

I think there's a new rule for that. Andy, get the book.

(Andy and Bobby laugh)

You made a book?

It's more like a Bible, son.

All right. "Sewer... sewer rats...

Sewer people..." Here it is.

Oh! He's gotta eat something from the mystery bucket.

Ooh! (Laughs) Mystery bucket.

Whoo-hoo! All right. Close your eyes and pray.

Daddy, can I throw a penny?

Sorry, Stan. This game's for grown-ups.

(Pennies clank)

- Ooh, he got the snail! (High-pitched voice) - Ooh!

He got the snail! (Laughs, high-pitched voice) He's got the snail!

He got the snail! Got the snail!

Penny can.

Well, can you believe

Jelly Bean's stupid strip club idea?

I so want to tell her that I am the real maid of honor

and you only made her one out of pity.

I've had that grenade in my belt for months.

(Imitates click)

Sometimes at night, it whispers to me. (Gasps)

(Whispers) "Pull the pin. Kill them all."

Just ignore the voices and lotion up.

(Chuckles) What are you doing up here reading a book?

Reading a book.

Nerd alert. (Chuckles) Scootch. (Whispers) Come on.

Double scootch.

Oh, my goodness. Look at these elbows. (Grunts)

(Chuckles) Looks like someone else could use some.

There you guys are!

Lotion party.

Sweet! Squirt me in.

Please-- Please stop. I don't want this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why are you all touching my stuff? (Chuckles)

Penny can, brother. Andy got a double-bouncer.

That means he's gotta dress like you.

(Chuckles) Trav, you okay?

(Strained voice) I ate a snail.

Looks like v-necks are all the rage in douche-berg.

(All laugh)

(Imitates dance beat) Stop. Stop. Stop.

Everybody stop talking!

Okay, this is my room. This is my bed.

I'm reading a book... (Chuckles)

Because I like reading!

But, see, I can't read because you're always here!

(Gasps) What is that around your neck?

What's this key open?

Um, a lock.

Does it open this house?

Um...

They have one, too!

You fool!

What? Are you kidding me?!

This is not okay!

This is... not... okay!

(High-pitched voice) Aah.

So do you know why you're here?

I think so.

Show her your trophies, sweetie.

(Jangle)

You had a little break.

Look, well, it's no biggie. I mean, stress can cause that.

All of a sudden it feels like everything is-- is too much,

you know, and-- and you're falling, right?

(Strained voice) And you're falling.

(Sighs) You're falling and falling.

Lynn.

So, Grayson, you need to remember

that when you marry Jules,

you're marrying everyone in her life,

and, Jules, do you know what you need to work on?

Not being so turned-on when he gets violent.

I understand why women stay with murderers now,

because... I would.

Wow. Okay, we're gonna have to circle back to that,

but you need to understand that Grayson is not you.

He needs privacy in his home.

(Intercom buzzes)

Oh. One second.

I wish I had ripped Andy's ear off. (Door opens)

Ohh.

(Keys jangle) J-Jules, is...

Your shirt off?

Oh. (Chuckles)

Not anymore. (Chuckles)

What's the matter with me? (Sighs)

I've been thinking about what Lynn said.

You mean when she yelled at us

for having sex in her bathroom?

(Sighs) About you needing some privacy, you know?

From now on, I want you to think

of this bedroom as your new island hideaway.

No one is allowed in here without your permission.

You're awesome.

You're invited onto my island right now.

This soon after Lynn's bathroom?

Come on, girl. I'm only 41. I'm always ready.

- Are you serious? - No.

- Oh. - But I was hoping you would turn me down,

so I didn't have to admit it.

Gotcha. (Chuckles)

Yeah, that's right. You better run.

Pause.

Okay, Bill Murray is a mean weatherman.

He wakes up. It's the same day.

I get it, but how come the other people don't realize

they're trapped in the same day, too?

Because they're not trapped. They're just there.

When the same thing keeps happening over and over again...

(Chuckles) What do they think?

No, they don't think.

So they're, like, robots?

I mean, I know they're not robots.

I'm not that dumb, but...

Are they robots?

Already praying for death. (Sighs)

Fine. Play.

Okay. Pause.

(Chuckles) That is such a crappy hotel.

Why doesn't he just check into a new place?

Because he can't change the day before it starts.

He can only change it after it starts.

(Laughing) Do you hear yourself?

Please. Play.

Are you gonna say "play" and "pause" every time?

Pause. Yes.

Play. (Chuckles)

Oh, wait. Pause. Big Lou needs a refill.

Okay. Got it. (Grunts)

Dear God, your dress is so short,

I can see your IUD.

It's still a bachelorette party,

even though it's a total snooze-fest.

Oh, come on. Laurie, I'm 43.

I had my wild bachelorette party at my first wedding.

Man, I got so drunk,

I woke up in the ocean. (Chuckles)

Exactly, which is why I predict

that by the end of this night,

we are gonna be crazy drunk in some club,

and that dowdy old cardigan Ellie's wearing

is gonna be flossin' some hard body's junk.

You have perfectly predicted the future.

You're Ho-stradamus.

I am. Ho-stradamus.

That's right. I love the new nickname.

♪ Ho-stradamus ♪

♪ Ho-stradamus ♪

(Clenched teeth) Put the pin back in.

Why is nobody shooting?

I can't technically go again until I write down

a dozen Van Halen songs, and Andy got a double-rimmer,

so he's got ten more skip laps.

Nine more!

There's too many stupid rules.

The 'stache attacks and the ear flicks were fine,

but now you've got to snort salsa,

brush dog Travis' teeth.

(Grunts)

All the rules make it better. My calves are on fire!

You're just trying to cover up the fact

that penny can isn't fun anymore.

(Panting)

If you speak ill of the can again,

you will find yourself in a Cobb headlock,

and FYI, my deodorant this morning

was down to the plastic.

You think I'm wrong? One game--

Good, old-fashioned, no-frills penny can.

Show me it's still fun.

Game on.

(Pennies clatter)

(Clanks)

(All, monotone voices) Penny can.

What have you done?

Pause.

So if Bill Murray can do anything,

how come he can't save

the old homeless guy from dying?

Because some things you can't change.

Well, he saved the little kid in the tree.

Because some things you can change.

You can save children, but you can't save

old homeless people? (Sighs)

Who has a cigarette? I haven't smoked in 20 years.

I need a smoke.

Okay, this is my final Groundhog Day question.

Forget that he can learn to play the piano

but he can't remember where the puddle is.

Let's even forget that it's clearly the same groundhog

that Bill Murray used in Caddyshack.

- Oh, my God. - Don't.

Why does the day finally end? (Door opens and closes)

Everyone, sit down.

What? Hello?

Penny can is dead.

Man, why couldn't it have been something no one cares about,

like hockey or the golden globes?

All right, I'm wearing a tiara,

so why don't you guys go bother someone else?

Smokes? You guys got any smokes?

Uh-oh.

My nanny has some nicotine gum in her drawer.

I'll be back.

Oh, boy.

Penny can is dead.

I'll live. Go be sad on your boat.

Jules told us to come up here and bug you.

Jules Kiki Cobb, get up here!

Uh-oh. (Singsongy) Someone's in trouble.

What? We're on the second floor. How are you even here?

Oh, I'm, uh, returning Jules' ladder.

You sound mad.

You wanna punch another wall, baby?

Do not find this attractive!

I got a problem.

Did you ask Andy and Bobby to come up here and bug me?

No. I told them to come bug someone else.

I-I didn't know who that would be.

What's going on?

Hey. Whatcha doin'?

Oh... my... God!

This is the same issue over and over! (Chuckles)

It's Groundhog Day.

Oh. (Chuckles) You gave me an island,

but you didn't mean it!

No, that is not what happened.

(Ladder clatters) Aah!

(Strained voice) Guys. Ladder fell.

You forced me to do this.

(Ellie and Jules gasp)

What are you doing with that?

(Gasps) Pause.

(Spits) Can't pause people.

Aah!

(Crash)

It's okay! I'm not hurt... Maybe!

Eh.

Hey, Laurie.

(High-pitched voice) Whoa! (Normal voice) Huh? What?

Jules only wanted Ellie to be her maid of honor.

She just asked you out of pity.

(Sighs)

Is that true?

(Imitates explosion)

Fine. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the grenade,

but you have some responsibility in this.

True.

It's my fault for trusting you not to hurt me on purpose.

Look, Tintin, I can't have Andy moping around... (Sighs)

Because you killed penny can.

Mopey leads right to gropey.

- Fix it or bleed. - Fine.

(Door opens) Laurie, I'm so glad you're here.

(Door closes) I'm texting my army boyfriend Wade

a picture, so he can see what a total jerk looks like.

(Camera shutter clicks, beep) Oh, gah.

You know, Jules, you really hurt me.

I was so proud when you made me your co-maid of honor,

but you didn't do it out of love.

You just did it to shut me up.

What happened? Did she storm out? (Door opens)

Why are you so low, Tom? (Door closes)

Uh, I'm in a wheelchair.

26 pins in my leg-- New Florida record.

Don't you dare give me

that bitch grin you get when Laurie's upset.

What? Dogs bark. Fish swim. I bitch grin.

How are you mad at me?

Did she storm out?

I'm not doing play-by-play, Tom.

Oh, no problem.

(Grunts) Ball.

Ball's up.

Hey, guys.

Are you here to kill something else I love?

If you say anything bad

about leather sandals, I swear to God--

They are ridiculous, but, no, that's not why I'm here.

I have a great idea on how to reboot penny can!

Nickel can. The stakes have never been higher.

Thanks for trying, but it's over, son. Ohh.

(Whack) Let's face it.

Penny can was just a boring game

about getting a tiny round thing into a hole...

(Whack)

Over and over and over.

(Whack) That's just not something a man can do

every weekend for the rest of his life.

(Sighs) Oh. Darn it. I'm out.

At least let me buy you another bucket.

No, don't need to. (Whistles) Come here, boy!

Dog Travis collects 'em as I go.

How many can he hold in his mouth?

(Balls clattering)

Enough.

(Ball clatters)

Hey, Jelly Bean.

I know you probably want to rub

the whole maid of honor thing in my face,

but can you just...

Please just be mean to me later?

No problem. I was gonna do that anyway.

You had no right to use my grenade.

Now Jules is super pissed at me,

and I'm addicted to nicotine gum!

Look, Laurie, I am sorry I said it.

Why didn't she just tell me? I can handle disappointment.

When you're 8 and your mom pretends

that you've been kidnapped so that she can meet

the local news anchor,

you know, you learn to be resilient.

I will tell you something.

There are some bad things about this gum.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

Plus my teeth are bleeding a little,

but it makes you see things super clearly.

It's like epiphany gum.

- Huh? - Realization gum.

Got it.

This is all Jules' fault.

Plus I think if I'm not back to work before I'm 50,

I'm gonna leave Andy.

I wish there was a way we could get Jules

to own up to her part in all this.

Well, does anyone have any ideas?

Hold on.

(Crunches)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Got it.

(Sonny & Cher on radio) ♪ I got you babe ♪

♪ I got you babe ♪

Fine. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the grenade,

but you have some responsibility in all this.

What are you doing?

Look, Tintin,

I can't have Andy moping around because you killed penny can. (Sighs)

Mopey leads right to gropey. Fix it or bleed.

Fine.

Wait. Are we playing Groundhog Day?

(Door opens) I hate confusing games.

(Door closes) Remember that corn maze I got stuck in last Halloween?

I cried all night until those dogs found me.

I'm texting my army boyfriend Wade

a picture, so he can see what a total jerk looks like.

(Camera shutter clicks, beep) Ohh! Stupid flash!

You know, Jules, you really hurt me.

I was so proud when you made me your co-maid of honor, but--

You asked me, remember? You put me on the spot.

What was I supposed to do, just crush you?

(Scoffs)

What happened? I'm in a wheelchair.

(Tom and Jules) 26 pins-- New Florida record. (Door opens and closes)

We all know, Tom! I hate this.

What? Dogs bark. Fish swim. I bitch grin.

How could you be mad at me?

Stop saying the same things!

2%?

Skim.

You wanna play again?

I don't really love milky guessy.

Oh, me neither. It's boring.

Plus dairy products give me the splats.

(Pennies clank)

Well, then why not play a little penny can?

- No, thanks. - You were right, Trav.

Penny can's a stupid game. (Sighs)

It's not about the game.

Penny can isn't just throwing a penny...

(Clanks)

Into a can.

It's about family.

It might even be about America.

- Yeah, I don't think so. - Nice try.

(Sighs) Okay, well, you know, for me,

it's always been, like, a father-son thing,

and I'm gonna be 21 in a few days,

and I know I'll always be grateful

for the time we spent tossin' copper.

Stan?

Daddy, will you throw pennies with me?

(Chuckles)

Oh, my God. It's like "field of dreams."

(Clanks)

Ooh. (Singsongy) Penny can!

(Travis, Andy, and Bobby) Yeah!

(All, singsongy) Penny can!

- Yeah! - All right. You gonna play, son?

Nah, I got things to do.

I don't understand why I have to be in bed again.

(Ellie) Because that's how it works!

(Sonny & Cher) ♪ I got you babe ♪

How did you rig the clock to do that?

Yeah, yeah. Grenade. Keep it movin'. We're done.

Look, Tintin, I can't have Andy mopin' around, because--

Yep, yep, yep. Mopey, gropey. Got it.

Come on. Let's go. Bye, Trav.

- I'm texting my army boyfriend Wade-- - Just take the picture.

(Camera shutter clicks, beep) Oh, God! It gets me every time.

(Door opens and closes) You know, Jules, you really hurt me.

I was so proud when you--

Laurie, stop. This is hell.

I-I cannot hear again how much I hurt you.

I'm so sorry I did that. I hate disappointing people.

(Tom) What's going on? I can't see.

26 pins-- New record.

Bring it home, Jules.

I should have trusted that our friendship was strong enough

to be up-front with each other.

I love you.

And I'm so happy that you're in my wedding...

(Whispers) And I'm so, so sorry.

(Voice breaks) Okay.

Oh, yeah. Nice. ("I got you Babe" playing)

(Knock on door)

Permission to enter?

Permission granted.

So I finally figured out Groundhog Day.

(Chuckles) Man, that movie really opened my eyes.

Bill Murray comedies will do that.

Look, I know this is really hard,

living in a house full of people...

(Sighs) Heading towards a big wedding.

You know, sometimes I want our relationship

to be just ours, you know?

Grayson, all I want to do is make you happy.

I mean, every now and then, I may need you

to get prison-yard angry... (Chuckles)

♪

Maybe wear a do-rag.

Done.

I'll do anything for you.

♪ I got you ♪

Then let's elope.

Seriously?

You wanted to go to Napa for our honeymoon.

Let's go there now and get married.

No huge wedding.

Just us.

♪ And if I get scared ♪

Let's do it.

(Chuckles)

♪ You're always around ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ to hold my hand ♪

♪ I got you to understand ♪

Ohh. I can't believe we're here. Just us.

(Horn honks)

(Cheering)

We brought our own wineglasses!

- Let's pound some grape! (Chuckles) - Yeah!

Not what I meant by "just us."

(Chuckles) I can't believe we're in Napa.

(Voice breaks) I'm sorry. (Chuckles)

It's just...

Well, I feel like I'm meeting God. (Sighs)

Okay, guys. We've got one day to plan this wedding.

Can you whip up a cake?

On it.

I want to make an exact cake replica

of the cul-de-sac,

because that's where your romance started,

so I want to make little cake houses

and cotton candy bushes,

but there is one thing that I will not bend on.

The asphalt is actually going to have to be asphalt.

There are some things that you can't fake

in the cake world.

True.

Now do you think, for one day,

you could actually stay out of trouble?

Oh, come on, J-Bird. We're not raccoons.

Then why are you in that wine barrel?

I'm gonna roll him down the hill.

Hey, dime eyes. Thank you for letting us elope with you.

Well, that's how I like to do my elopements--

Seven people deep.

- Eight. - What?

Hey, June Bug.

Dad!

- Dad. - Sweetie.

(Andy) Hey, hey.

Whoa! (Thuds)

This... isn't... as... Fun... as... I... thought!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! (Inhales sharply)

My socks suck as pot holders.

Still, it's nice of the hotel to let you use their kitchen

to bake the wedding cake.

(Lowered voice) I may or may not have told them

that I'm the new pastry chef.

Just be cool.

(Normal voice) By the Wayans Brothers,

I cannot believe that tomorrow is your 21st birthday.

Well, so far, every one of my big birthdays has sucked.

16-- I had the chicken pox.

18-- My mom took me

to see Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince.

Oh, Travis. That's so sad. (Chuckles)

No, that part was awesome,

but on the way out of the theater,

some 10-year-old poked me in the eye with his wand.

I mean, why do they give those things out?

It's so dangerous.

You know, Wade was supposed to be

my date to your mom's wedding

when it was gonna be in four months,

but now I'm solo.

What do you say we have, like, a Trav-Laurie

wedding date/21st birthday blowout?

Deal.

Hey, Magnum.

You want to come over here and let me stomp on your grapes?

You want to stomp on my boys?

(Chuckles) It's just really hard to think of sexy wine talk.

Yeah, well, then why even try?

Why are you so mopey?

When I said I wanted to elope, just us,

I meant just us.

I know. We did it, baby!

Okay, I meant just us two.

One, two.

Honey, I thought you meant

you just didn't want a big wedding,

not that you didn't want the gang here.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Hey, what if we all stay here for a few days

and have fun, but then they all fly home

and we stay and get married by ourselves?

You know how I don't like to toot my own horn?

No.

They'd never agree to leave.

(Chuckles) They love me too much.

(Imitates horn honk)

I guess I just need to know that you'd at least ask them,

you know, for me.

So if I make the empty gesture of asking them to go,

when they say no, you'll still be happy?

Yeah.

(Chuckles) This is the best fight ever.

(Both chuckle)

(Singsongy) Ding-dong! (Normal voice) It's midnight!

Let's go.

(Whispers) Okay.

What's going on?

You four, grab him.

What's happening? Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

What-- What's going on? I don't like this.

Why is nobody saying anything?

Somebody tell me what's happening!

(All) ♪ happy birthday to you ♪

(Inhales deeply)

(Blows air)

(Cheering)

You know, I gotta say, I've, uh, tried wine before,

and... not a big fan.

(Glass shatters)

Maybe I can learn to like it.

(Cheering)

That was close. (Chuckles)

Watch your feet.

Of course I can get a little room

for your friend's reception.

(Chuckles) Ohh.

Look, Ellie...

Can I call you "Ellie"?

"Ellie" is good.

(Chuckles) Ellie...

(Chuckles) I can get you anything you want...

So if you want a group

of shaved Brazilian gigolos up in your room...

(Inhales deeply and sighs) I will pick them up myself.

I'll bring my razor. I'll shave 'em down.

(Sighs)

Why would I think you'd want that?

'Cause you read people well.

I'm sorry, but I'm just so scattered.

It's been a rough year...

For the hospitality industry.

Oh.

Wow. You have the most amazing eyes.

Thanks. (Chuckles) (Chuckles)

- That was inappropriate. I'm sorry. - No.

(Chuckles)

(Exhales deeply)

Hey. Why are you all flushed?

Don't block my view.

(Chuckles)

Hi.

Oh, yeah. That guy wants you.

I hope so.

Wait. What's happening?

Hey, dad.

I need to ask you something.

Sure, June Bug.

Wasn't that glass just empty?

When I got here, I gave the bellhop $20

to fill it up whenever it was empty.

Watch. (Wine splatters)

(Chuckles)

Like father, like daughter.

(Clatters)

(Laughs)

I want to show you how to do something online.

No computers. I don't trust anything without a soul.

That's why I don't do business with German people.

I want you to go online and get ordained as a minister.

Dad, I want you to marry us.

(Chuckles) Oh. I just love you so much... (Chuckles) Ohh.

And-- and I'm so honored that you want me to b-be--

Oh, no, no. No crying. (Chuckles)

See, this is gonna be hard for you,

but you can't cry when you marry us,

because if you cry, then I'm gonna start crying,

and I'll be wearing eye makeup,

and I can't get married looking like Alice Cooper.

(Voice breaks) And I'm gonna be marrying off my baby. (Sobs)

(Crying) I know. See? Now I'm coopering.

Is this what you want?

No.

Arturo, go grab me some vanilla.

Damn, girl. You got these people in check.

Arturo and I bonded because we're both really pissed

that management won't let us wear flip-flops in the kitchen.

(Chuckles) This is awesome,

and the, uh, the cake is gonna look great.

You think?

'Cause I'm not great at wedding cakes.

Don't be modest, Laurie.

You're the best fake pastry chef this hotel's ever had.

(Chuckles) Aw. Thank you. Here. Try this.

(Gasps) Oh, no. What am I doing?

- Mnh-Mnh. (Chuckles) - What?

How do we always end up flirting with each other?

We're not flirting. This is not how I flirt.

I'm much more...

- Subtle when I flirt. - Oh, really?

Yeah, I follow girls to classes, memorize their schedules

so I can show up right when they get there.

(Chuckles)

Good God. I'm a stalker.

(Chuckles) I'm not... Trying to flirt with you.

It just...

(Whispers) I don't know. It could happen.

Well, maybe it's fate.

I mean, we're here...

At a wedding...

On my 21st birthday, just you and me...

And Arturo.

(Laughs)

Your boyfriend couldn't make it.

My girlfriend, uh, doesn't exist.

(Laughs)

What if this is exactly how it's supposed to happen?

Laurie.

Wade.

(Laughs)

(Chuckles) Ohh.

You guys ready for another four bottles?

Fat chance. (Chuckles)

Whoa. Wait. We're finished?

No, I want more. That's why I said, "fat chance." (Chuckles)

If I didn't want more wine, I would have said,

"slim chance." (Chuckles) Okay.

But, uh, "fat chance" and "slim chance"

mean the same thing.

That's ridiculous. (Chuckles)

"Fat" and "slim" are opposite.

Okay, can we all agree that from now on,

"fat chance" means definitely?

Change approved.

You can't just change the meaning of phrases.

I just did. Okay, I know what's gonna cheer you up.

Grayson thought that it was just gonna be

the two of us eloping.

(Chuckles) Even though

I know your answer...

How would you feel if we all hung out

for a few days, and then you guys left

and Grayson and I could get married alone? (Chuckles)

- Love it. - Yeah.

That's fantastic.

Oh, good.

That's just what Grayson wanted...

Even though our pictures will have no one in them,

and, uh, my memories will feel empty.

Jules, we're just messin' with ya.

- Why? - Look, I know marrying you

means marrying everyone,

so...

Will you marry me?

Before anyone answers...

Council.

(Clears throat)

(Jules, Andy, Ellie, and Bobby whisper indistinctly)

Oh, okay.

(Chuckles) All righty.

(Chuckles) Just a couple of conditions.

Andy and Bobby want you to finance their short film.

It's called "bro-mancing the stone."

Also, in Jules' kitchen, you are never allowed

to sit in my chair, even if I'm not there.

Yes... To everyone but Ellie.

Where are we all going on our honeymoon? (Chuckles)

- Yeah! (Laughing) - No. That's not--

(Chuckles) - I love you. Just kidding. - Not-- Not funny.

Oh, I never thought I'd get my dream wedding.

Yeah, all because our stupid town

won't let you get married on the beach.

But now that I'm here

and I'm surrounded by all the people I love,

this is my dream wedding.

Honey, you've been so great to me.

I wish there was something special

I could do for you.

Maybe on our wedding night, we can finally have robe sex.

Why does that turn you on so much?

Because it's like we're monks doing something forbidden.

(Monotone voice, chants) I will sex...

(Deep voice) You.

There's gotta be something I can do to make it more special.

I wish my daughter could be here to see us get married.

That's it?

Fly a kid cross-country in 12 hours? Hmm.

I can make that happen.

Sure, Jules. Yeah.

It's totally fine with me for Tampa Jill to fly to Napa,

but, uh, thanks to a super soaker...

(Chuckles) Full of margaritas

and an air marshal with, like, zero sense of humor,

I am currently on the no-fly list.

All right. Minor skank setback. (Cell phone beeps)

But I'll still make this happen.

(Chuckles) I can't believe that

we're finally together face-to-face.

You know why you're so amazeballs?

Why?

You're so... naked,

and I don't mean, like, naked naked.

You're just so emotionally honest.

I mean, but don't get me wrong.

The naked naked stuff was real good, too.

(Laughs)

It was like you hadn't had sex in ten years,

and, you know, I've been with some ex-cons...

(Chuckles) So I know.

Yeah. We were actually pretty loud last night.

I mean, I feel really bad for whoever was

in the room next to us.

Oh, my God. (Laughs) I don't know.

(Sighs) That would be me.

Good old room 207.

I'm sorry. I know what it's like

to be sure someone's meant for you,

and yet you can't be with them.

Hi. (Chuckles)

How does that wedding ring feel?

Like handcuffs.

(Dishes clink)

Thank you.

Oh. Sorry. (Grunts)

What's wrong, Chick?

I keep practicing for June Bug's ceremony,

and I can't get two sentences deep

without squirting out tears.

Can you fellas help?

Fat chance.

Thank you, son.

(Sighs)

What just happened?

Ah. We all got beer guys.

Get in the game, man. Okay, Chick.

We just need to figure out what'll keep you from crying.

Well, I'd never cry in front of my horse.

Once you do that, they own you.

What if you trick your brain

by doing the ceremony a little angry?

That's worth a shot.

Love is the most powerful thing in the universe!

Love is what brings two people together!

Well, that's much worse.

You know how I keep from crying?

I have two little secrets-- My nuts.

Peace out, sir.

Look, if you lock on another man's eyes,

there's no way you're gonna cry.

Watch.

Love is the most powerful thing in the universe.

(Voice breaking) Love is what brings two people together.

Andy, you try.

(Voice breaks) I know I can't do it.

(Inhales deeply and sighs)

Tom, please say you're on the plane.

Sorry, Jules.

They won't let me fly with a baby that's not mine.

Let's see. Bend over.

Oh. All right. All right. There.

There you go. Hold on.

Stand up. Stand up. All right.

(Imitates siren whoops)

Cleavage alert! (Laughs)

Stop staring. These aren't for you.

I need the concierge to break some laws

to get Grayson's kid here,

and since he's obviously got a thing for your wife...

(Chuckles) I'm gonna use Ellie to close the deal.

I like this lipstick color, but... (Sighs)

Do you think it's wet enough for him?

- Mm. Lick your lips. - Huh? Huh?

Uh-huh.

I'm not comfortable with this.

Do you think I want to go do this with Daniel?

His name is Daniel. (Gasps)

(Whispers) I love that name.

(Chuckles) Oh. "Daniel." Really?

Damn it, Andy, I need this, so if Ellie has to get dolled up

or flirt or make out a little, what's the big deal?

Make out? We don't make out!

Feels like you don't want Jules to be happy.

That's not cool, man.

(Whispers) Not cool.

You're not wearing underwear! Come on! (Door opens and closes)

So you want me to kidnap a baby?

- Yes. - No.

No.

What we want you to do is to sneak a baby...

(Lowered voice) That isn't mine...

(Chuckles, normal voice) Onto a plane.

It's-- it's more like kid borrowing. (Chuckles)

Well, I could get my hands on a really great local baby.

(Whispers) Oh. No.

Imported baby it is. I'm on it.

Listen, Daniel, you get us what we need,

and we will get you exactly what you need.

Okay. (Sighs)

(Whispers) Stop it.

(Lowered voice) I don't want to stop it.

Tommy... (Lowered voice) I need another one.

I'm sorry, ladies. I tried.

Write to me.

Uh, Grayson, I'm so sorry.

I-I can't get Tampa Jill here for the wedding.

Thanks for trying. (Sighs)

Oh. Wow. Wade's here. (Gasps) Is the war over?

No, sweetie.

No, I pulled some strings.

I, uh, knew your wedding wouldn't be as special

for Laurie unless I was here to share it with her.

That is so sweet.

(Mouths word)

(Sighs) I can't do this.

- What? - We have a wedding planned

in a few months.

Your daughter could be there.

Guys.

Yeah.

The wedding's off.

(Laurie and Andy) What?

Good. I never liked him.

Still marrying him, dad. Just a little bit later.

Love him like my own son.

- Laurie! - Oh!

(Slurred voice) You said you wanted naked!

(Bobby, Wade, Andy and Chick laugh)

(Ellie) Hey. Hey, hey!

Harvey Keitel. Over here. That's right.

Laurie... (Sighs) I'm so... crazy about you,

but you just keep ignoring it like it's not real.

Mom, guess what?

(Lowered voice) I like wine now. (High-pitched voice) Happy?

Mixed feelings.

(Strained voice) Ohh.

This thing is loaded with wine. Ohh.

(Bottles clank) (Normal voice) Oh.

I know postponing the wedding has been tough on you,

but thanks for looking out for me.

Always.

Mwah.

Man, I wish I had a fiancée. (Grunts)

See you, cheese pot.

So, J-Bird, how are you holding up

with last night's non-nuptials?

I guess I am a little disappointed

because last night was supposed to be my honeymoon,

but instead we spent the night taking care of this dummy.

Oh, I can't believe our boy is 21. (Sighs)

(Whispers) I know.

(Normal voice) He does look so old now,

but it might just be that mustache I drew on him.

(Laughs) That is classic. We gotta get to the airport.

(Grunts)

(Sniffles)

(Groggy voice) How did I get here?

Mostly luggage carts.

(Chuckles) This is the best part.

This is when he remembers what he did.

Ohh! No.

Yay!

This is so embarrassing.

I'm gonna have to hide from Laurie forever.

(Bobby) No, it's okay, t-man. (Sighs)

Every great love story starts out

with a man embarrassing the crap out of himself.

Your father's correct. When I picked up Ellie

for our first date, I leaned on the mantel,

because, you know, I look cool leaning on stuff.

Latino James Dean, baby.

Boom! Mantel collapses.

Fireplace poker goes through my lip... (Grunts)

But still, 20 years later, here we are.

Right, babe?

Sorry. I was texting Daniel.

Jules, honestly, is this cheating?

(Whispers) Let me see. (Laughs) (Laughs)

(Normal voice) Wow. Yes.

(Laughs)

This is not okay.

Trav, these big, mortifying moments... (Mouths words)

They make an impression. Trust me, okay?

You're gonna find yourself someplace,

and she won't be able to stop looking at you.

Jules did it to me. Remember when, um, we first met

and you flashed that paperboy

and then he crashed his bike into this car? (Chuckles)

After that, I could not stop thinking about her.

(Crying)

No. You're coopering. Why is she coopering?

(Voice breaking) Why does talking about us

falling in love make me so sad?

(Clicks tongue) Aw. Come here.

(Sniffles)

Well, before Napa,

I was really excited about our big wedding.

I had invited everyone I know, even my pool guy...

- Ernie? - I have no idea.

But then we decided to elope,

and I-I felt like I was having a stroke,

you know, one of those happy strokes.

There are no such thing as happy strokes.

Well, then what did kirk Douglas have?

A stroke.

Anyway, I'm not even looking forward

to the big wedding anymore. (Sighs)

I'm just-- I'm sad.

Okay, this big wedding,

the-- the one that the pool guy is going to--

Am I invited?

- That's awkward. (Chuckles) - Very, very awkward.

I'm sorry. I'm-- I'm just a little edgy.

I was up all night... (Sighs) Watching videos

that my dead husband made of his former lovers.

Here's something fun.

There were a few dudes in there. (Chuckles)

- That's a tough one. Yeah. - That's rough.

(Chuckles) - Wow. - Whew. (Chuckles)

Look, I think the reason why you guys were so excited

about eloping is that both of you have a tendency

to sort of be set in your ways.

I think that's why it's important

that you guys are spontaneous, you know?

That'll add excitement to your life.

If you do that, I promise, this marriage can work.

Jules, are-- Are you taking notes?

Not exactly.

(Paper rips)

A handwritten wedding invitation?

(Gasps) I would love to. (Chuckles)

(Whispers) What will I wear?

(Katie Herzig's "Lost And Found" playing)

Do you promise to do what Lynn said--

To always be spontaneous?

Of course.

Wow. It is so pretty here.

It sucks that this stupid town won't allow beach weddings.

You sure you still want to do this?

Hell, yeah.

All clear.

(Lowered voice) Go, go, go, go, go!

♪ But I can't find the words I want ♪

♪ oh, I can't ♪

Dad, it's time!

♪ I want ♪

Okay. Oh.

(Blusters)

(Chuckles)

♪ If you are gone in another life ♪

That's it, baby. You wait right there.

Hit it, dad.

To me, love is the most powerful thing

in the universe.

Love is what brings two people together.

♪ Oh, I'm afraid ♪

(Mouths words)

(Mouths words)

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ somebody found me here ♪

♪ ah, ah, ah ♪

Life is not worth living

unless you find someone to share it with.

Cops! About 100 yards back.

Okay. You all know the drill.

Let's take this on the move.

♪ If you're gonna cry my tears ♪

Uh, can we get the rings, please?

Stan!

(Screaming)

(Jules chuckles)

Aah! (Chuckles)

Back to the nanny, Stan!

Do you, Grayson, take my daughter Jules

to be your wife and to take care of

or I'll kick your ass?

I do.

♪ Lost and found ♪

June Bug, you've never looked more beautiful.

You really want this fella to be your husband, don't ya?

I really do, dad.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

(Sighs)

Use your horse, Chick.

♪ Oh, oh, ah, ah, ah ♪

(Nickers) ♪ somebody found me here ♪

Then I now pronounce you man and wife.

Now let's all just stop walking...

♪ Somebody saved me ♪

And watch this young man kiss his bride.

♪ If you're gonna cry my tears ♪

♪ if you're gonna hold my breath ♪

♪ if you're gonna let me see ♪

♪ the sun you set ♪

(Sighs)

All right. What the hell's going on here?

You guys, go! Go!

Come on.

Guys? A little help?

(Indistinct conversations)

♪ Oh, I am lost and found ♪ (Horse whinnies)

I love you so much.

I love you, too, but hold on.

I'm not great at driving these things.

(Grunts) What are you doing, hon?

Daniel's having trouble sleeping.

Will you take a quick pic?

This is seriously not okay.

Andy, the man can't sleep.

He's got a parole hearing at 6:00.

(Camera beeps, shutter clicks)

Well, would you at least CC me on that?

Maybe. I'll ask Daniel if it's okay.

Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com