Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,161 --> 00:00:03,572
We are so lucky
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:04,799
the hurricane only damaged
Grayson's house.
3
00:00:04,866 --> 00:00:06,201
- Mm.
- Yes.
4
00:00:06,268 --> 00:00:08,369
That was really lucky.
5
00:00:08,437 --> 00:00:09,770
I love that you guys are forced
6
00:00:09,838 --> 00:00:12,607
to live here together
until your place is fixed.
7
00:00:12,675 --> 00:00:14,608
It's like "The Real World,"
8
00:00:14,676 --> 00:00:17,043
if they did it
with old and boring people.
9
00:00:17,111 --> 00:00:19,012
You know what my wake-up present
was this morning?
10
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,914
This one forgot to flush
her pee.
11
00:00:20,981 --> 00:00:22,982
It's called "being green."
12
00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:25,385
I'm sorry I care
about the future of our planet.
13
00:00:25,453 --> 00:00:26,786
Think of the children.
14
00:00:26,854 --> 00:00:28,121
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize
15
00:00:28,189 --> 00:00:29,889
you were so passionate
about the environment.
16
00:00:29,957 --> 00:00:31,724
Just try to know me, okay?
17
00:00:32,792 --> 00:00:34,694
Okay. Bye.
18
00:00:34,761 --> 00:00:36,229
Forgot to flush, didn't ya?
19
00:00:36,296 --> 00:00:37,263
Yeah.
20
00:00:37,331 --> 00:00:42,335
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
21
00:00:42,402 --> 00:00:44,870
I need coffee.
22
00:00:44,938 --> 00:00:48,473
I was up all night
on my computer
23
00:00:48,541 --> 00:00:51,809
with army boyfriend Wade
bumpin' cyber-uglies.
24
00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:54,979
When I busted open my
American flag bra, it was like,
25
00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:56,581
Tali-bam!
26
00:00:56,649 --> 00:00:59,784
Enough sex talk. It's not fair
to lover boy over there.
27
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:02,786
Look at him. He's glazed over,
just counting the seconds
28
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,589
till he can get to his room
for a solo sesh.
29
00:01:05,657 --> 00:01:07,558
- Seriously?
- Would you leave him alone?
30
00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:10,026
You know, what you do up there
is your business.
31
00:01:10,094 --> 00:01:11,828
Praying for death right now.
32
00:01:11,896 --> 00:01:14,331
What?
It's so natural. I do it.
33
00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:16,667
Ohh. That's gonna leave a mark.
I will have my revenge,
34
00:01:16,735 --> 00:01:18,201
but I need to shut it down
for a minute.
35
00:01:18,269 --> 00:01:19,835
Ellie is just jealous
36
00:01:19,903 --> 00:01:23,105
because when it comes
to bringing the sexy,
37
00:01:23,173 --> 00:01:25,875
I am like a heart attack
in a thong.
38
00:01:25,942 --> 00:01:27,810
Seriously.
One time I killed a guy
39
00:01:27,878 --> 00:01:30,546
and brought him back
without even stopping.
40
00:01:30,614 --> 00:01:33,215
That is a fake story.
41
00:01:33,284 --> 00:01:35,817
I feel sorry
for all the unemployed drifters
42
00:01:35,885 --> 00:01:38,186
that have had to watch you
flail around naked
43
00:01:38,254 --> 00:01:39,788
like you're being electrocuted.
44
00:01:39,855 --> 00:01:41,323
"What?"
45
00:01:41,391 --> 00:01:43,292
"It's so good."
46
00:01:43,359 --> 00:01:46,628
Besides, I am much sexier
than you.
47
00:01:46,696 --> 00:01:48,764
Okay. You both have
your strengths.
48
00:01:48,831 --> 00:01:50,631
- You are creative.
- Yes.
49
00:01:50,699 --> 00:01:52,400
You're flexible.
50
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,868
You've got daddy issues,
which... that's always fun,
51
00:01:54,936 --> 00:01:57,004
and you're classy,
52
00:01:57,071 --> 00:01:59,907
but you have a dark side
that draws you in.
53
00:01:59,974 --> 00:02:01,509
I'm like the Dexter of sex.
54
00:02:01,576 --> 00:02:03,877
I love you,
and then I will kill you.
55
00:02:03,945 --> 00:02:05,413
In order to prove who's better,
56
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,315
you have to find somebody
you've both slept with.
57
00:02:08,382 --> 00:02:10,517
Okay, so I went through
your lists of sexual partners,
58
00:02:10,584 --> 00:02:12,051
and, uh...
59
00:02:12,119 --> 00:02:14,421
Let me tell ya,
that's a lot of names.
60
00:02:14,488 --> 00:02:15,722
Ohh.
61
00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:20,360
Hos.
Anyway, meet our hero...
62
00:02:20,428 --> 00:02:21,861
Vincent Hawthorne.
63
00:02:21,929 --> 00:02:23,395
Vincent.
64
00:02:23,463 --> 00:02:26,498
I helped him blow through
his trust fund in the '90s.
65
00:02:26,566 --> 00:02:29,167
You must have done a good job,
because in 2007,
66
00:02:29,235 --> 00:02:30,602
he was "Vinny,"
67
00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:33,238
and he worked
at a car wash in Tampa.
68
00:02:33,306 --> 00:02:36,608
Ohh. Vincent, no.
69
00:02:36,676 --> 00:02:38,043
Wow. You guys weren't gonna
move in together
70
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:39,577
until you got married.
71
00:02:39,645 --> 00:02:41,145
This is a big deal.
72
00:02:41,213 --> 00:02:42,146
It doesn't seem like it.
73
00:02:42,214 --> 00:02:43,414
Nope.
74
00:02:43,482 --> 00:02:45,583
Lynn's off her game today.
75
00:02:45,651 --> 00:02:47,017
I'm not off my g--
76
00:02:47,085 --> 00:02:48,786
You just got here.
77
00:02:48,854 --> 00:02:51,656
Anyway, you know how I never
like to toot my own horn.
78
00:02:51,724 --> 00:02:53,157
Wow.
79
00:02:53,225 --> 00:02:55,392
About us moving in together--
It's not a big deal
80
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,894
because I am incredibly easy
to live with.
81
00:02:57,962 --> 00:02:59,730
Merp!
82
00:02:59,797 --> 00:03:00,897
That's the noise I'm gonna make
83
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:02,399
every time you toot
your own horn.
84
00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:05,235
You know I hate when people
use noises for words.
85
00:03:05,302 --> 00:03:07,203
Look, I know you guys think
it's gonna be easier
86
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:08,872
because you've both been
married before,
87
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,906
but sometimes it works
against you.
88
00:03:10,974 --> 00:03:13,809
Sometimes people place
their ex's baggage
89
00:03:13,877 --> 00:03:15,878
onto their current partner.
90
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,580
That's dumb.
91
00:03:18,815 --> 00:03:20,583
I know, right?
92
00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:22,685
Survey says...
93
00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:25,187
I feel like
you're not even trying.
94
00:03:26,322 --> 00:03:28,890
What?
Earlier today, I got a man
95
00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:32,193
to say "I'm sorry" to his wife
for the first time.
96
00:03:32,261 --> 00:03:35,563
Okay, granted, that's not
going to unstrangle her.
97
00:03:35,631 --> 00:03:37,331
- Grr.
- Oh.
98
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,533
Help me, Lynn.
99
00:03:38,601 --> 00:03:39,567
Tell my story.
100
00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:42,303
Oh.
101
00:03:42,371 --> 00:03:44,971
Bobby, you can't drink wine
on the couch anymore.
102
00:03:45,039 --> 00:03:46,840
You always spill.
103
00:03:46,908 --> 00:03:47,908
Do not.
104
00:03:47,975 --> 00:03:49,643
Wine.
105
00:03:49,711 --> 00:03:51,011
Motor oil.
106
00:03:51,078 --> 00:03:52,780
Mustard.
107
00:03:52,847 --> 00:03:54,615
I mean, how do you even get
mustard on the ceiling?
108
00:03:54,682 --> 00:03:56,917
Mustard fight.
He started it.
109
00:03:56,984 --> 00:03:58,651
By daring you to start
a mustard fight.
110
00:03:58,719 --> 00:04:01,521
Oh, you're just as messy as me.
111
00:04:01,588 --> 00:04:02,922
Oh, really?
112
00:04:02,989 --> 00:04:05,090
White shirt challenge.
113
00:04:05,158 --> 00:04:07,627
First person who gets a stain
on their shirt loses.
114
00:04:07,694 --> 00:04:10,396
No napkins. No mercy.
115
00:04:10,464 --> 00:04:11,431
Game on.
116
00:04:11,498 --> 00:04:12,998
Great.
117
00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:15,434
Oh, would you like a burrito?
118
00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:17,235
- Mm.
- Go out for it.
119
00:04:17,303 --> 00:04:18,904
Ooh!
120
00:04:20,205 --> 00:04:21,940
- I'm open!
- It's a trick!
121
00:04:26,479 --> 00:04:29,080
I just did that
to my own house.
122
00:04:29,148 --> 00:04:30,881
Yeah.
I-I remember both of you two.
123
00:04:30,949 --> 00:04:33,317
What's up, girls? You want to
come over... together?
124
00:04:33,384 --> 00:04:34,585
Oh, that would settle it.
125
00:04:34,653 --> 00:04:36,687
No.
126
00:04:36,755 --> 00:04:39,890
Hey, Vinny, do you remember
when we first met
127
00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:41,692
and I asked you
if you were that actor
128
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,561
from "The Fast And The Furious"...
129
00:04:43,628 --> 00:04:45,463
And you said yes,
and then we had sex
130
00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:46,763
that was so hot...
131
00:04:46,831 --> 00:04:49,332
I totally forgave you
for lying?
132
00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:50,700
- What's going on?
- Shh!
133
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,969
Vincent, remember
that summer in The Hamptons
134
00:04:53,036 --> 00:04:55,772
we made love all weekend
at your beach house?
135
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,106
I'll be back.
136
00:04:57,174 --> 00:04:59,609
Here are some highlights
to jog your memory--
137
00:04:59,677 --> 00:05:01,410
Champagne, stable,
138
00:05:01,479 --> 00:05:04,045
a horse that wanted
to look away but couldn't.
139
00:05:04,113 --> 00:05:06,247
Stable? I can't even
get her on the daybed.
140
00:05:06,315 --> 00:05:08,750
Okay, all adults,
please stop sharing with me.
141
00:05:08,818 --> 00:05:10,986
Hey, Vinny, buddy,
uh, this doesn't end
142
00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:12,788
till you say
who was sexier, so...
143
00:05:12,856 --> 00:05:14,790
Yeah, got to go with Ellie.
144
00:05:14,858 --> 00:05:15,824
- No!
- Yes!
145
00:05:15,892 --> 00:05:17,759
Oh! I have to stretch.
146
00:05:17,827 --> 00:05:20,761
I don't want to pull a muscle
when I get my gloat on.
147
00:05:20,829 --> 00:05:24,599
Come on!
I was gonna do air splits!
148
00:05:24,666 --> 00:05:27,468
You know, living with you
is going to be a cakewalk.
149
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,069
Ohh.
150
00:05:29,137 --> 00:05:32,072
You know, it's tricky to walk
around holding a bunch of cakes.
151
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:35,341
I think that "cakewalk" should
mean something really hard.
152
00:05:35,409 --> 00:05:37,410
No. I hate it
when you do that, okay?
153
00:05:37,478 --> 00:05:39,613
You can't change
the meaning of phrases.
154
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:40,814
Agree on the change?
155
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:41,982
Change approved.
156
00:05:42,049 --> 00:05:43,149
No, you...
157
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:44,751
You...
158
00:05:44,819 --> 00:05:46,052
I'm gonna go walk
around the house...
159
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,754
And calm down.
160
00:05:47,822 --> 00:05:49,255
Okay.
Have a good time, sweetie.
161
00:05:49,323 --> 00:05:51,991
He does that now.
162
00:05:52,058 --> 00:05:53,592
Oh, can you believe my shrink?
163
00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:55,928
Grayson and I
are not gonna have
164
00:05:55,996 --> 00:05:57,630
a hard time living together.
165
00:05:57,697 --> 00:05:59,131
Eh.
166
00:05:59,198 --> 00:06:02,200
Okay, that is my least favorite
noise-for-word substitute
167
00:06:02,268 --> 00:06:04,537
because you only do it
when you think I'm being dumb.
168
00:06:04,604 --> 00:06:05,470
You are being dumb.
169
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:06,971
Halfway finished.
170
00:06:07,039 --> 00:06:08,339
Feeling better.
171
00:06:08,407 --> 00:06:11,108
Really sharing a house
is like being trapped
172
00:06:11,176 --> 00:06:13,545
in a submarine forever.
173
00:06:13,612 --> 00:06:15,479
At some point,
174
00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:18,516
someone's gonna freak, open
the hatch, and kill everyone.
175
00:06:18,584 --> 00:06:20,384
Oh, please.
You sound like Lynn.
176
00:06:20,452 --> 00:06:21,819
She's going through something.
177
00:06:21,887 --> 00:06:23,119
Oh.
178
00:06:23,187 --> 00:06:24,721
- Hey, yo, Earth Day.
- Mm.
179
00:06:24,789 --> 00:06:27,223
I found these plastic bottles
in your trash.
180
00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:28,425
Oh, yeah.
181
00:06:28,492 --> 00:06:31,061
I meant to separate them
and put them...
182
00:06:31,128 --> 00:06:32,929
In whatever you put them in.
183
00:06:34,665 --> 00:06:35,665
Okay.
I'm not gonna be able
184
00:06:35,732 --> 00:06:37,633
to keep this up.
185
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,235
I'm not green.
186
00:06:39,303 --> 00:06:40,570
I just said that
'cause I was embarrassed
187
00:06:40,637 --> 00:06:43,406
to say I forgot to flush.
188
00:06:43,474 --> 00:06:47,009
PS-- I did it again
five minutes ago.
189
00:06:47,078 --> 00:06:49,244
I mean, I've been
living with you for one day,
190
00:06:49,312 --> 00:06:51,246
and now you're already
lying to me?
191
00:06:51,314 --> 00:06:52,548
Oh, it feels great, Jules,
192
00:06:52,615 --> 00:06:54,849
you know, to live
in a house of lies.
193
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:56,452
Are you serious?
194
00:06:56,519 --> 00:06:59,254
Are you serious?
195
00:07:02,158 --> 00:07:05,025
Dude.
196
00:07:05,094 --> 00:07:07,195
Okay. I-I know that you're
giving me a smug look,
197
00:07:07,262 --> 00:07:09,464
so I'm not gonna look at you.
198
00:07:09,531 --> 00:07:11,765
Come on. It's so good!
199
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:12,967
Nope.
200
00:07:13,034 --> 00:07:14,135
Lies!
201
00:07:14,203 --> 00:07:15,436
Lies!
202
00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:17,638
Nope. Nope. No.
203
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:23,419
Okay, look,
204
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:24,783
I want to know everything
that's going on with you,
205
00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:27,456
but first, you can't drink wine
on the couch.
206
00:07:27,524 --> 00:07:29,091
I thought
that was Bobby's rule.
207
00:07:29,159 --> 00:07:31,026
It's a new rule for everyone,
except for Ellie.
208
00:07:31,093 --> 00:07:32,360
I mean, I've seen her
drop her son,
209
00:07:32,428 --> 00:07:34,696
but I have never seen her
drop wine.
210
00:07:34,764 --> 00:07:36,831
Thank you.
211
00:07:36,899 --> 00:07:38,132
- Seriously?
- What is this,
212
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,501
"Turn Everything
Into A Big Deal" day?
213
00:07:40,570 --> 00:07:42,236
I can play, too.
214
00:07:42,304 --> 00:07:45,273
Oh, this room smells
like guacamole.
215
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,042
I want to sell the house!
216
00:07:48,109 --> 00:07:50,377
You know, it does smell
like guacamole.
217
00:07:50,445 --> 00:07:52,279
I threw a burrito at Bobby.
218
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:53,747
It's not important.
219
00:07:53,815 --> 00:07:55,282
Look...
220
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:58,485
When you lied about being green,
I know I overreacted, okay,
221
00:07:58,553 --> 00:08:00,054
but it's just that
222
00:08:00,121 --> 00:08:02,022
that is exactly
what happened with my ex.
223
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,157
I mean, Vivian seemed great.
224
00:08:04,225 --> 00:08:05,425
Then we got married,
225
00:08:05,493 --> 00:08:06,759
and then she suddenly
lost interest
226
00:08:06,827 --> 00:08:08,428
in everything
I really cared about,
227
00:08:08,496 --> 00:08:12,399
like my bar, having kids,
shaving her pits.
228
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:14,701
Ooh. Vivian got crunchy.
229
00:08:14,768 --> 00:08:16,136
- Sure. Sure.
- Mm.
230
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,370
I just don't want to go
into marriage
231
00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:19,472
feeling like I've been tricked.
232
00:08:19,539 --> 00:08:22,108
Now that I know how you feel,
I can handle it.
233
00:08:22,175 --> 00:08:25,777
There is no one better at fixing
relationships than me.
234
00:08:25,845 --> 00:08:27,413
- Merp!
- Eh.
235
00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:30,316
Really? Both noises?
236
00:08:33,153 --> 00:08:34,852
Hi, guys.
237
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,355
You know,
there are so many things
238
00:08:37,423 --> 00:08:39,090
that I'm better at than you,
239
00:08:39,158 --> 00:08:42,026
like reading, speaking,
240
00:08:42,094 --> 00:08:44,929
not eating a doughnut like
a bear eats a salmon.
241
00:08:46,132 --> 00:08:48,766
What else? I wrote it down.
242
00:08:48,834 --> 00:08:52,269
Oh. "Sex"!
243
00:08:52,337 --> 00:08:54,304
It's on both hands.
"Sex. Sex."
244
00:08:54,372 --> 00:08:56,940
Whatever, Ellie.
245
00:08:57,008 --> 00:09:00,477
You know, I got a lot
of weird looks
246
00:09:00,545 --> 00:09:03,013
when I waved good-bye
to Stan at preschool,
247
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,281
but I gotta say...
248
00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:07,016
Worth it.
249
00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:08,751
Careful. Waiter with soup.
250
00:09:08,818 --> 00:09:11,487
Ooh. Look at you,
protecting my white shirt
251
00:09:11,555 --> 00:09:13,523
like you're some sort
of secret service agent.
252
00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:14,690
You know, if you did
this all day,
253
00:09:14,758 --> 00:09:15,858
I think I could win this.
254
00:09:15,925 --> 00:09:17,860
Already called in sick.
255
00:09:19,463 --> 00:09:20,396
Good God! Ice cream.
256
00:09:20,464 --> 00:09:21,531
Whoa!
257
00:09:21,598 --> 00:09:22,631
Whoa.
258
00:09:22,698 --> 00:09:24,499
Whew.
259
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:29,671
It was rough listening
to Ellie talk to Vincent.
260
00:09:29,738 --> 00:09:31,806
I'm not jealous.
It's just...
261
00:09:31,874 --> 00:09:34,442
Sexually, she used to be
so spontaneous,
262
00:09:34,510 --> 00:09:35,810
and now it's always
the same--
263
00:09:35,878 --> 00:09:38,245
Every Sunday at 4:00,
shades down, teeth brushed,
264
00:09:38,313 --> 00:09:40,047
her turn, my turn.
265
00:09:40,114 --> 00:09:42,316
My turn.
266
00:09:42,384 --> 00:09:43,717
What? Hmm.
267
00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:49,356
What the hell?
I was out of air.
268
00:09:49,424 --> 00:09:50,391
Well, I just want
to let you know
269
00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,560
that I will always be
spontaneous.
270
00:09:52,627 --> 00:09:54,061
You're the best.
271
00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:57,029
You know, Ellie used
to be so exciting.
272
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,232
I never thought
she'd lose that.
273
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,101
Oh.
274
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,837
This day just
gets weirder and weirder.
275
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,639
Those guys just said
that their cheese sticks
276
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,874
got delivered
with three missing.
277
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:09,909
Weird.
278
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:11,176
Hmm.
279
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,681
Look, I know that you were
hurt in the past,
280
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,250
so I have written down
every single thing
281
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,686
that I thought you might
not know about me.
282
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,387
She even had us make
a list, too.
283
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,723
You know, in case
she missed anything.
284
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,157
So we're gonna lay it out here,
285
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:28,359
and then tonight
you and I will celebrate
286
00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:31,696
at the "I know the crap out
of my fiancee" dinner.
287
00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:33,264
I'm making
all of your favorites,
288
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:35,199
except for meat loaf.
289
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:36,767
Let's just get
the ball rolling.
290
00:10:36,835 --> 00:10:40,137
I actually hate meat loaf.
It tastes like cat food.
291
00:10:40,205 --> 00:10:42,606
Mm. How would you know that
unless you've eaten cat food?
292
00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:43,940
It was a dare in high school.
293
00:10:44,007 --> 00:10:44,907
Last week.
294
00:10:44,975 --> 00:10:46,243
Shush it. We're easing in.
295
00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:47,477
Is that a cheese stick?
296
00:10:47,545 --> 00:10:50,780
Look, I'm an open book.
297
00:10:50,848 --> 00:10:51,981
There's not that much to tell.
298
00:10:52,049 --> 00:10:54,684
Everything I said
I love about you, I love,
299
00:10:54,752 --> 00:10:57,920
but, okay, remember when I wore
that baseball cap for a week?
300
00:10:57,988 --> 00:10:59,087
Yeah.
301
00:10:59,155 --> 00:11:00,489
I didn't have a bad haircut.
302
00:11:00,557 --> 00:11:02,658
I've got a little bald spot
right here,
303
00:11:02,726 --> 00:11:05,461
but I take pills, so as long
as we have medical coverage,
304
00:11:05,528 --> 00:11:07,229
you know, it should be fine.
305
00:11:07,297 --> 00:11:08,397
You're bald?
306
00:11:08,465 --> 00:11:10,299
Oh, she has major hair issues.
307
00:11:10,367 --> 00:11:12,067
Once a week,
she has to shave her fingers
308
00:11:12,135 --> 00:11:14,935
from here to here.
309
00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:17,171
Those damn pills--
They give me monkey knuckles.
310
00:11:17,239 --> 00:11:19,440
I just got
negative goose bumps.
311
00:11:19,508 --> 00:11:21,208
Maybe that's enough for now.
312
00:11:21,277 --> 00:11:24,379
I'll see you at dinner.
7:30 sharp, okay?
313
00:11:24,446 --> 00:11:26,581
Please tell me
you don't use my razor
314
00:11:26,649 --> 00:11:27,782
to shave your hands.
315
00:11:27,849 --> 00:11:30,884
Let's save some stuff
for tonight, okay?
316
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:34,521
Okay. Bring it in slow.
3 inches.
317
00:11:34,589 --> 00:11:36,423
Nice.
318
00:11:38,092 --> 00:11:39,559
Well, how come you never made
dinners like this for me
319
00:11:39,627 --> 00:11:41,060
when we were married?
320
00:11:41,128 --> 00:11:43,062
I did, but you never showed
because you were too busy
321
00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:45,465
banging waitresses
at the waffle house.
322
00:11:45,533 --> 00:11:47,266
Now honestly,
how many times did you get
323
00:11:47,334 --> 00:11:48,967
syrup poured in your lap?
324
00:11:49,035 --> 00:11:51,537
Too many. It was like
an oil spill down there.
325
00:11:51,605 --> 00:11:53,406
You can never really
clean it all up.
326
00:11:53,473 --> 00:11:55,775
Watch the glass!
Watch the glass.
327
00:11:55,842 --> 00:11:57,109
Watch the glass.
Okay. It is so lame
328
00:11:57,177 --> 00:11:59,478
that you have
a personal shirt protector.
329
00:11:59,546 --> 00:12:01,314
Not me. Check it.
330
00:12:01,381 --> 00:12:04,248
Making red sauce with no apron.
331
00:12:04,317 --> 00:12:07,251
Is she gonna go "cocktail"
on this bottle of olive oil?
332
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,421
You know she is.
333
00:12:09,488 --> 00:12:12,524
Ooh!
That's right, chumps.
334
00:12:15,394 --> 00:12:19,130
No!
335
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:26,337
You took a meatball for me.
336
00:12:26,404 --> 00:12:29,707
I'd take a whole pot roast
for you, sir.
337
00:12:29,774 --> 00:12:33,244
How long do you think Andy's
felt sexually unfulfilled?
338
00:12:33,312 --> 00:12:36,112
Kill me. Does that answer
make any sense?
339
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:40,350
Look, you take care of him
in other ways.
340
00:12:40,417 --> 00:12:41,451
Cooking?
341
00:12:41,518 --> 00:12:43,053
- No.
- Ironing his shirts?
342
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,254
Is this the '50s?
343
00:12:44,322 --> 00:12:46,056
- Rubbing his feet?
- Have you seen them?
344
00:12:46,123 --> 00:12:47,690
- Rubbing his back?
- There's no rubbing.
345
00:12:47,758 --> 00:12:48,725
Scratching his back?
346
00:12:48,792 --> 00:12:50,093
My fingers get stuck.
347
00:12:50,161 --> 00:12:51,593
Listening to him?
348
00:12:51,661 --> 00:12:55,731
I'm not his friend, Travis.
I'm just his wife.
349
00:12:55,798 --> 00:13:00,135
Still, I really appreciate
you keeping it between us.
350
00:13:00,203 --> 00:13:03,172
Hey, do you remember when I said
that I would have my revenge?
351
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,139
Knock, knock.
352
00:13:04,207 --> 00:13:06,408
Oh, no.
353
00:13:06,476 --> 00:13:09,878
Ladies and gentlemen,
354
00:13:09,945 --> 00:13:11,712
weighing in at a weight
355
00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:13,882
that a woman her height
would feel good about,
356
00:13:13,949 --> 00:13:20,721
the undisputed tramp-ion
of the world-- Laurie Keller!
357
00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:23,257
This is really
not the right bra for this.
358
00:13:27,728 --> 00:13:30,898
Chew faster. My arm's tired.
359
00:13:30,965 --> 00:13:31,899
Oh.
Look who's finally here.
360
00:13:31,966 --> 00:13:33,733
Oh, sorry.
361
00:13:33,801 --> 00:13:36,970
You know, I can't believe
I started a fight this morning,
362
00:13:37,038 --> 00:13:39,471
but you coming in and laying
all your stuff out on the table
363
00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:42,241
made me realize
how much I love you,
364
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,910
monkey hands and all.
365
00:13:43,977 --> 00:13:46,279
In fact, I'm gonna kiss
that thing right now.
366
00:13:46,346 --> 00:13:47,646
I'm just--
Ugh. Aah. Stubble.
367
00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:48,981
How about the lips?
368
00:13:49,049 --> 00:13:50,716
Oh, good. Fight's over.
369
00:13:50,784 --> 00:13:51,717
Get away.
370
00:13:51,785 --> 00:13:52,985
Fight's back on.
371
00:13:53,053 --> 00:13:57,222
Dinner was at 7:30.
It's after 8:00.
372
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:59,324
Is this how it's gonna be?
373
00:13:59,392 --> 00:14:01,992
I just cross my fingers
and hope you'll show?
374
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,861
I thought living
with you, Grayson,
375
00:14:03,929 --> 00:14:05,396
would be a breeze,
but I was wrong.
376
00:14:05,464 --> 00:14:06,997
It's gonna be a cakewalk.
377
00:14:07,065 --> 00:14:08,499
Uh, that doesn't mean that.
378
00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:10,435
The change was approved, jerk.
379
00:14:10,502 --> 00:14:12,403
I'm gonna go take a lap.
380
00:14:15,507 --> 00:14:17,041
What just happened?
381
00:14:17,108 --> 00:14:19,108
Life just happened, man.
382
00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:20,677
All right, you need to warn me
383
00:14:20,745 --> 00:14:23,279
if you're gonna say
beautiful things.
384
00:14:23,347 --> 00:14:26,182
This isn't working for me!
385
00:14:27,819 --> 00:14:29,886
I kinda like it.
386
00:14:36,379 --> 00:14:38,613
I'm still mad at Grayson,
387
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,216
but I'm not gonna lose my cool.
388
00:14:41,283 --> 00:14:42,683
Screw him!
389
00:14:42,752 --> 00:14:44,685
I'll kick his ass!
390
00:14:44,754 --> 00:14:47,688
I'm so mad, Laurie.
391
00:14:47,757 --> 00:14:49,523
Why would he do this?
392
00:14:49,591 --> 00:14:51,760
I love him.
393
00:14:51,827 --> 00:14:55,362
I know. Who cares, right?
394
00:14:55,429 --> 00:14:57,064
Honey, are you PMSing?
395
00:14:57,132 --> 00:14:58,365
A little,
396
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:01,135
and those hair pills give me
crazy mood swings.
397
00:15:01,202 --> 00:15:03,237
Oh, no.
398
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,642
Hey, dude.
399
00:15:08,709 --> 00:15:11,610
Why are you shirtless,
and why are you in my house?
400
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,345
Which question should
I answer first?
401
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,114
Why don't you knock 'em
both out?
402
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,883
Well, my shirt's off
so I won't stain it,
403
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,718
and I'm in your house
'cause I currently live here.
404
00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,353
Two strong answers.
405
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,022
That hurricane did
an even worse number
406
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,423
at my place.
407
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:27,926
Oh, by the Wynonna,
is J-Bird still all mad?
408
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:31,429
Yep, all because I was
a few minutes late.
409
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,131
You know, that's not near
as bad as her pulling
410
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:36,802
a full-on Vivian and lying
about who she really is.
411
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,670
Is it cool if I drink wine
on the couch?
412
00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:39,905
Well, there's a tree
in my living room,
413
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,273
so go nuts,
and thanks, by the way.
414
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:45,709
Because of you, I can't have
wine on Jules' couch either.
415
00:15:45,777 --> 00:15:47,411
Mm. How fair is that?
416
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,115
Yeah, that isn't fair.
417
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,316
I'm gonna get a glass.
418
00:15:52,383 --> 00:15:54,118
All right.
Careful in the kitchen.
419
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:56,653
There's a family of crows
that are living in the oven,
420
00:15:56,721 --> 00:15:59,189
and it's not as funny
as it sounds.
421
00:15:59,256 --> 00:16:02,458
You guys still being
bitches to each other?
422
00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:04,027
Oh, right.
I'm really great at sex.
423
00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:05,728
I'm so much better
than you, Ellie.
424
00:16:05,796 --> 00:16:07,831
Jelly, you're so slutty...
425
00:16:07,898 --> 00:16:09,398
Slutty... whatever.
426
00:16:09,466 --> 00:16:10,867
I'm getting a weird vibe here.
427
00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:14,870
It's just all of this sex talk
has really made us both...
428
00:16:14,938 --> 00:16:16,138
What was that word you used?
429
00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:17,272
Introspective.
430
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:20,408
Right. It has made us
both really...
431
00:16:20,476 --> 00:16:22,377
I had it, and then I lost it.
432
00:16:22,445 --> 00:16:24,646
Look, when I'm with a guy,
I like to put on, like,
433
00:16:24,714 --> 00:16:26,381
a real show, you know?
434
00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:29,551
There's acrobatics
and costume changes,
435
00:16:29,618 --> 00:16:32,086
tears, if I can get there,
436
00:16:32,154 --> 00:16:33,921
but I do want to get married.
437
00:16:33,989 --> 00:16:36,324
I don't want to have to do
the same crazy show
438
00:16:36,392 --> 00:16:38,526
for the rest of my life.
439
00:16:38,594 --> 00:16:39,927
You know, as a woman,
440
00:16:39,995 --> 00:16:42,697
if you do anything different
sexually with a guy,
441
00:16:42,765 --> 00:16:45,199
he'll expect it every time,
442
00:16:45,267 --> 00:16:47,401
and, yes,
I want Andy to be happy,
443
00:16:47,469 --> 00:16:48,836
but I don't want to be
totally naked.
444
00:16:48,903 --> 00:16:50,571
I get too cold.
445
00:16:50,638 --> 00:16:53,106
And I'm sorry
if I don't move around a lot.
446
00:16:53,174 --> 00:16:55,242
I have to concentrate,
you know?
447
00:16:55,309 --> 00:16:56,643
No.
448
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,311
Look, I know you're looking
for some advice,
449
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:01,147
but I'm actually not
as experienced as you'd think.
450
00:17:01,215 --> 00:17:02,182
No one thinks
you're experienced.
451
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:03,916
Oh, good.
452
00:17:03,984 --> 00:17:06,386
Okay, if I try to help,
do you promise to never again
453
00:17:06,453 --> 00:17:09,321
include me in any discussions
of a sexual nature?
454
00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,824
We promise.
455
00:17:11,892 --> 00:17:13,993
Laurie, stop trying
so hard, okay?
456
00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:16,729
Just give a guy one moment
457
00:17:16,797 --> 00:17:18,764
that lets him know
it's about him.
458
00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:20,565
You don't need to put
on a big show,
459
00:17:20,633 --> 00:17:22,233
unless... you end up
with a great guy
460
00:17:22,301 --> 00:17:24,870
who has... heard
about the show,
461
00:17:24,937 --> 00:17:27,171
and then maybe you wanna do
just one last show
462
00:17:27,239 --> 00:17:29,040
so he can see
what all the fuss is about,
463
00:17:29,108 --> 00:17:30,341
- but if not--
- Keep it moving.
464
00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:32,143
Right. Uh, Mrs. Torres,
you can still keep
465
00:17:32,211 --> 00:17:33,978
your cold-blooded,
bat-like nature.
466
00:17:34,046 --> 00:17:36,380
Same advice-- Just give Andy
one nice moment
467
00:17:36,448 --> 00:17:38,549
that lets him know
it's about him.
468
00:17:40,419 --> 00:17:42,219
Nailed it.
469
00:17:43,889 --> 00:17:46,323
And then
President Lincoln says,
470
00:17:46,391 --> 00:17:48,592
"The only way to fight
these aliens
471
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:50,993
is to resurrect
the dinosaurs."
472
00:17:51,061 --> 00:17:53,296
Well, you're right. That would
be the best movie ever.
473
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,864
Come with me.
474
00:17:54,932 --> 00:17:56,833
What for?
475
00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:58,835
No way.
476
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:01,203
Hey, come on!
It's not Sunday.
477
00:18:01,271 --> 00:18:04,607
Don't go. This place is crawling
with potential stains!
478
00:18:13,282 --> 00:18:14,850
Ohh!
479
00:18:14,918 --> 00:18:17,118
Can we talk?
480
00:18:17,186 --> 00:18:18,654
All right.
481
00:18:18,721 --> 00:18:23,023
I always give you crap about
what a bad husband you were.
482
00:18:23,091 --> 00:18:24,692
Yep.
483
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,360
Marriage for me was
a total cakewalk.
484
00:18:26,428 --> 00:18:28,295
Oh.
485
00:18:28,363 --> 00:18:30,164
Thank you for using it right.
486
00:18:30,231 --> 00:18:31,899
Still...
487
00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:34,769
What was it about me
that made you pull away?
488
00:18:34,837 --> 00:18:36,136
Oh, hey. Come on.
489
00:18:36,204 --> 00:18:38,038
I mean, it's gotta be
something, right?
490
00:18:38,106 --> 00:18:40,440
Grayson's already showing up
late for dinner.
491
00:18:40,508 --> 00:18:41,641
I mean, next thing you know,
492
00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:43,510
he's gonna be out banging
some waitress.
493
00:18:43,578 --> 00:18:45,011
Wow.
494
00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:46,813
You got all the way there
from him being 20 minutes late?
495
00:18:46,881 --> 00:18:49,783
I do what I do.
496
00:18:49,851 --> 00:18:54,053
When we got married,
I wasn't scared at all,
497
00:18:54,121 --> 00:18:57,155
and now I'm terrified.
498
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,758
I mean, this one has to work.
499
00:18:59,826 --> 00:19:01,026
I can't end up
500
00:19:01,094 --> 00:19:03,061
five years from now
being single,
501
00:19:03,129 --> 00:19:06,499
trying to start my life
over again.
502
00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:08,734
I won't be able to do it.
503
00:19:08,802 --> 00:19:10,802
What the hell is going on
with you and Grayson?
504
00:19:10,870 --> 00:19:12,871
I mean, he's acting like
you're his ex-wife,
505
00:19:12,938 --> 00:19:15,974
and-- and you're not Vivian.
506
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:17,709
You got much better boobs.
507
00:19:17,776 --> 00:19:19,443
And a better butt.
508
00:19:19,512 --> 00:19:21,145
Mm... it's close.
509
00:19:21,213 --> 00:19:22,780
She got into yoga.
510
00:19:22,848 --> 00:19:24,816
Oh. Well, I hope
you don't think it's weird,
511
00:19:24,884 --> 00:19:26,484
but for the rest
of this conversation,
512
00:19:26,551 --> 00:19:28,318
I will be doing lunges.
513
00:19:28,386 --> 00:19:29,820
J-bird, I promise,
514
00:19:29,888 --> 00:19:31,655
Grayson's gonna treat
you right.
515
00:19:31,723 --> 00:19:33,189
He's not me.
516
00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:34,591
You don't know that.
517
00:19:36,528 --> 00:19:39,429
Hey, hey, hey.
Look, I wasn't good to you
518
00:19:39,497 --> 00:19:41,431
when I had the chance,
but that's my burden to bear,
519
00:19:41,499 --> 00:19:44,667
not yours,
and please don't tell me
520
00:19:44,735 --> 00:19:47,537
that my mistakes turned you
into a coward.
521
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:49,739
♪ You know I got the other 3 ♪
522
00:19:49,806 --> 00:19:52,942
I try too hard sexually.
523
00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:57,046
Girlfriend, I just ravaged Andy.
524
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,080
I think he really liked it.
525
00:19:59,148 --> 00:20:01,683
That was so awesome!
526
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:03,685
Shh. Watch your TV, boo.
527
00:20:05,087 --> 00:20:07,055
I even took off all my clothes.
528
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,156
I mean, just for a minute,
529
00:20:08,223 --> 00:20:10,158
and then I put
my sweatshirt back on.
530
00:20:10,225 --> 00:20:13,028
You promised you'd stop talking
to me about this stuff.
531
00:20:13,095 --> 00:20:15,362
Your mom's busy. Deal with it.
532
00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:17,798
Ahh.
533
00:20:17,866 --> 00:20:20,167
Hey. We're just gonna get
some wine.
534
00:20:20,234 --> 00:20:22,169
Crows took my corkscrew
into the oven.
535
00:20:22,236 --> 00:20:24,638
If you get too close,
they go for the eyes.
536
00:20:24,706 --> 00:20:26,206
Come sit with me.
537
00:20:26,274 --> 00:20:27,708
No wine on the couch.
538
00:20:27,776 --> 00:20:29,376
That's a dumb rule.
539
00:20:29,444 --> 00:20:31,811
Yeah, that's a dumb rule
for everyone.
540
00:20:31,879 --> 00:20:33,479
Not for everyone.
541
00:20:33,547 --> 00:20:36,749
Honey, I'm so sorry
I freaked out.
542
00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:38,551
This is your house, too.
543
00:20:38,619 --> 00:20:40,053
Really?
544
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:44,423
Yeah. Oh, man. I am great
at ending arguments.
545
00:20:44,491 --> 00:20:45,391
Merp!
546
00:20:45,459 --> 00:20:47,258
Ohh.
547
00:20:47,326 --> 00:20:48,259
Come here.
548
00:20:51,564 --> 00:20:53,031
Oh, God!
549
00:20:53,099 --> 00:20:58,236
Oh, yeah!
White shirt winner!
550
00:21:02,943 --> 00:21:04,377
We were
at each other's throats,
551
00:21:04,445 --> 00:21:05,711
but then Bobby pointed out
that we were putting the baggage
552
00:21:05,779 --> 00:21:07,580
from our past relationships
onto each other.
553
00:21:07,647 --> 00:21:08,814
Sometimes
Bobby's pretty brilliant.
554
00:21:08,882 --> 00:21:09,815
Yeah.
555
00:21:09,883 --> 00:21:11,316
Are you kidding me?
556
00:21:11,384 --> 00:21:13,452
'Cause that's exactly,
and I mean exactly,
557
00:21:13,519 --> 00:21:15,053
what I said would happen.
558
00:21:15,121 --> 00:21:16,855
I don't think so.
559
00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:18,122
I-I so did say that,
560
00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:19,457
and you said, "that's dumb,"
and you said,
561
00:21:19,525 --> 00:21:21,192
uh, "survey says..."
562
00:21:21,259 --> 00:21:23,695
I would never use a noise
in place of a word.
563
00:21:23,762 --> 00:21:25,997
You would know that
if you ever listened.
564
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,935
Sorry. I just had to--
I had to break something.
565
00:21:31,003 --> 00:21:35,405
So... what else should we talk
about today?
566
00:21:36,237 --> 00:21:40,369
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
39885
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof