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1
00:00:02,941 --> 00:00:03,808
Here you go, mom.
2
00:00:03,809 --> 00:00:04,557
Thank you.
3
00:00:04,558 --> 00:00:06,609
Betsy, I can't wait to try
your homemade muffins.
4
00:00:06,610 --> 00:00:08,779
Mmm. Snooze, you lose, dude.
5
00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:10,101
Oh, man. These are so good.
6
00:00:10,102 --> 00:00:11,227
So good.
7
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,693
Oh, man.
8
00:00:12,694 --> 00:00:17,073
Big bubba needs food. Come on. Feed me.
9
00:00:17,178 --> 00:00:20,051
Oh. Sorry you had to meet
Mr. belly-face, ma'am.
10
00:00:20,052 --> 00:00:21,652
Well, I should go check on Stan.
11
00:00:21,653 --> 00:00:23,062
Thanks, mom.
12
00:00:23,881 --> 00:00:25,369
Let's go. Get out.
13
00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:26,729
Drop those muffins.
14
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:29,837
Did you hear her?
15
00:00:29,838 --> 00:00:32,859
She has to go "check on Stan" 'cause what?
16
00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:34,608
I pay so little attention to him
17
00:00:34,609 --> 00:00:36,661
that he might just walk out the front door
18
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,033
and knock down some neighbor's mailbox?
19
00:00:39,316 --> 00:00:42,081
Well, that did happen
yesterday to my mailbox.
20
00:00:42,082 --> 00:00:43,482
You know what I mean.
21
00:00:43,483 --> 00:00:47,072
Now is she or is she not the worst?
22
00:00:47,073 --> 00:00:49,336
Ooh. God-awful. I can't her. Horrible.
23
00:00:49,337 --> 00:00:50,794
I thought she seemed pretty cool.
24
00:00:50,910 --> 00:00:52,263
Wow. Ooh.
25
00:00:52,264 --> 00:00:53,964
You've always been dead to me,
26
00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:56,093
but now you are even deader.
27
00:00:57,309 --> 00:00:58,717
Way to go, new guy.
28
00:00:58,718 --> 00:01:00,029
"New guy"?
29
00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:02,368
I am a key member of this group.
30
00:01:02,737 --> 00:01:04,114
I provide the sizzle.
31
00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:05,992
And, yes, she's sweet,
32
00:01:05,993 --> 00:01:07,584
and she makes muffins so good
33
00:01:07,585 --> 00:01:09,605
that I'm smushing together
the crumbs for Bobby.
34
00:01:09,606 --> 00:01:10,790
You're making me a muffin ball?
35
00:01:10,791 --> 00:01:12,041
You're welcome.
36
00:01:12,261 --> 00:01:13,221
Oh.
37
00:01:13,222 --> 00:01:14,841
Still, Ellie thinks she's horrible,
38
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,623
so we all agree with her.
39
00:01:16,624 --> 00:01:17,762
Oh.
40
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:20,873
I think I can fix this.
41
00:01:20,874 --> 00:01:22,884
Half pint, what's Betsy really like?
42
00:01:22,885 --> 00:01:24,679
I'll always be grateful to Betsy
43
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:25,560
'cause the only reason Ellie
44
00:01:25,561 --> 00:01:27,581
dated me in the first place
was to piss her off.
45
00:01:27,582 --> 00:01:30,239
Wow, you're like a big,
Cuban middle finger.
46
00:01:30,565 --> 00:01:31,943
Juno it, mang.
47
00:01:32,825 --> 00:01:34,267
Mmm.
48
00:01:35,043 --> 00:01:36,140
Thank you.
49
00:01:36,141 --> 00:01:38,509
You're welcome, bubb. You're welcome.
50
00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:43,834
Sync by YYeTs and corrections by Sp8ky for
www.addic7ed.com
51
00:01:47,836 --> 00:01:50,405
Jules, would you please pass the salt?
52
00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:51,773
Sure.
53
00:01:51,774 --> 00:01:52,866
Thank you.
54
00:01:52,941 --> 00:01:54,412
What? You said something
nice about her mom,
55
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:56,019
and now she's not speaking to you.
56
00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:57,268
That's great.
57
00:01:58,089 --> 00:02:01,007
Okay, how about we all agree
not to talk about our moms?
58
00:02:01,008 --> 00:02:03,045
I mean, it's easy for me
because my mom's dead.
59
00:02:03,046 --> 00:02:03,712
Mine, too.
60
00:02:03,713 --> 00:02:05,105
Dead-mom high five.
61
00:02:05,902 --> 00:02:09,320
People that I used to talk
to just don't get it.
62
00:02:09,321 --> 00:02:11,129
I know my mom seems nice,
63
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,022
but she's like that cartoon frog
64
00:02:13,023 --> 00:02:15,061
that sings and dances
when no one's looking,
65
00:02:15,062 --> 00:02:16,872
only instead of singing and dancing,
66
00:02:16,873 --> 00:02:18,466
she tells me I have lesbian legs.
67
00:02:18,467 --> 00:02:21,056
Everybody has issues with their mom, okay?
68
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,799
I'm sure she's not as bad as you say.
69
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,193
Jules agrees with me.
70
00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:27,233
Did you just try and kick me?
71
00:02:27,253 --> 00:02:28,648
I'm wearing sandals.
72
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,005
You don't believe that my mom is a cold,
73
00:02:30,006 --> 00:02:31,592
heartless sociopath?
74
00:02:31,593 --> 00:02:33,212
She made me muffins.
75
00:02:33,633 --> 00:02:34,376
Oh, Ellie...
76
00:02:34,377 --> 00:02:35,296
no.
77
00:02:35,297 --> 00:02:37,533
Oh, great. Now she's not talking to me.
78
00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:38,324
Sorry.
79
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,182
No. Now I'm not talking to you.
80
00:02:40,709 --> 00:02:42,338
Best meal I ever had.
81
00:02:46,265 --> 00:02:47,626
Hey, new guy.
82
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:50,083
I know it sucks being new.
83
00:02:50,161 --> 00:02:53,731
In colle, I was hazed so badly
my first year of spirit squad.
84
00:02:55,377 --> 00:02:56,974
I just said I was a male cheerleader,
85
00:02:56,975 --> 00:02:58,813
and you don't have a follow-up question?
86
00:02:58,814 --> 00:02:59,857
I'm good.
87
00:02:59,858 --> 00:03:01,180
You know, you'll always be "new guy"
88
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,656
until you dig deeper with your friends.
89
00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:04,865
Hi, guys. Observe.
90
00:03:05,105 --> 00:03:07,117
Hey, Laurie.
I was just telling Grayson here
91
00:03:07,118 --> 00:03:09,070
about my first year in spirit squad.
92
00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:12,732
O.M.G.-Spot, tell me everything. Eh?
93
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:14,285
Okay, wait. Where do you buy those big,
94
00:03:14,286 --> 00:03:15,494
honking wristbands?
95
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:17,120
Did the girls let you touch their junk
96
00:03:17,121 --> 00:03:18,132
'cause they thought you were gay?
97
00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:19,227
How high could you kick?
98
00:03:19,228 --> 00:03:21,130
Could you kick this high? Whoo!
99
00:03:26,389 --> 00:03:29,920
It's Friday, and you're watching
sig play computer solitaire?
100
00:03:29,921 --> 00:03:32,256
So lame.
101
00:03:33,074 --> 00:03:34,864
Yo, drop a Jack on that red bitch.
102
00:03:35,228 --> 00:03:36,991
Come on, guys.
103
00:03:36,992 --> 00:03:39,473
We have this awesome party house,
104
00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:41,205
but chicks never come here.
105
00:03:41,206 --> 00:03:42,869
Okay? And maybe...
106
00:03:42,925 --> 00:03:45,488
The helmet I wore for the last
six weeks was holding us back.
107
00:03:45,489 --> 00:03:46,356
I don't know.
108
00:03:46,357 --> 00:03:48,192
Could be, every time a chick does show up,
109
00:03:48,193 --> 00:03:49,772
sig shoots nose blood all over her.
110
00:03:49,773 --> 00:03:52,360
I get stress bleeds, okay? I could die.
111
00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:53,460
You couldn't.
112
00:03:53,461 --> 00:03:55,284
Look, we need to do something
113
00:03:55,285 --> 00:03:58,240
to let this campus know
that we exist. Okay?
114
00:03:58,241 --> 00:03:59,329
And I have an idea,
115
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,344
but we're gonna need some help, so...
116
00:04:01,977 --> 00:04:03,081
Who farted?
117
00:04:03,082 --> 00:04:04,816
Oh, good. Your dad's here.
118
00:04:04,817 --> 00:04:06,328
He was the only one I
knew with power tools,
119
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,267
plus he's gonna take the
heat if we get caught.
120
00:04:08,268 --> 00:04:10,100
Yeah, you can't kick me
out of college twice.
121
00:04:10,101 --> 00:04:11,591
Now what's the plan, boys?
122
00:04:11,802 --> 00:04:14,347
Well, I was thinking we steal... I'm in.
123
00:04:14,441 --> 00:04:15,848
Now what about you girls?
124
00:04:15,849 --> 00:04:17,802
It's time to sack up or pack up.
125
00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:21,661
Here you go, mom.
126
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,953
Mm, thank you.
127
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:24,541
Did you have a nice lunch
128
00:04:24,542 --> 00:04:26,596
with your little white-trash sidekick?
129
00:04:26,597 --> 00:04:27,636
Mm-hmm.
130
00:04:27,637 --> 00:04:29,378
You know, she even smells cheap,
131
00:04:29,379 --> 00:04:32,161
like moonshine and taco meat.
132
00:04:32,571 --> 00:04:34,350
Hey! There's my pretty girl.
133
00:04:34,351 --> 00:04:37,372
Aw. You know what?
I got you a little engagement gift.
134
00:04:37,633 --> 00:04:38,785
Aw.
135
00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:42,241
Are you still not talking to me?
136
00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,625
"No, we're totally cool."
137
00:04:46,344 --> 00:04:48,006
Wow, I regret doing that.
138
00:04:49,717 --> 00:04:51,880
I need a nap.
139
00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:54,626
I have been pulling serious hooker hours
140
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,820
with my late-night baking.
You know, whatever.
141
00:04:56,821 --> 00:05:00,053
Small price to pay for working
on your lifelong dream, huh?
142
00:05:03,546 --> 00:05:05,625
What's your lifelong dream, Laurie?
143
00:05:05,765 --> 00:05:08,485
Since I was a little girl,
144
00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:12,012
I have wanted to own a cake shop.
145
00:05:12,013 --> 00:05:13,368
I love baking cakes.
146
00:05:13,369 --> 00:05:14,313
Have I never showed you pictures?
147
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,053
Do you want to see?
148
00:05:15,054 --> 00:05:15,957
No.
149
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,360
Yes. Um...
150
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,395
Here's my bunny cake.
151
00:05:19,396 --> 00:05:21,341
That's a gayke. Gays love cake.
152
00:05:21,342 --> 00:05:22,293
There's a mermaid cake,
153
00:05:22,294 --> 00:05:24,680
pregnant mermaid for baby
showers, pie cake...
154
00:05:24,681 --> 00:05:25,260
Pie cake.
155
00:05:25,261 --> 00:05:28,100
Um, there's my puppy cake,
my Bruce Willis cake,
156
00:05:28,101 --> 00:05:30,307
Alan Rickman cake... I had
just watched "die hard."
157
00:05:30,308 --> 00:05:32,180
Unicorn cake, burrito cake...
158
00:05:32,181 --> 00:05:33,313
Oh, and these tiny ones...
159
00:05:33,314 --> 00:05:35,408
they're boob-shaped cupcakes.
160
00:05:35,409 --> 00:05:37,189
I thought that they would
sell twice as fast because
161
00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:39,817
it would be weird for someone to
come in and just buy one, right?
162
00:05:40,101 --> 00:05:43,192
I have more in my bag... pictures. Hold on.
163
00:05:44,486 --> 00:05:45,571
All right. So...
164
00:05:45,572 --> 00:05:47,989
How could you not believe me about my mom?
165
00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:49,796
You're my best friend.
166
00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:52,532
All I ask is that you
have blind faith in me
167
00:05:52,533 --> 00:05:53,957
and that you hit me with a shovel
168
00:05:53,958 --> 00:05:56,137
if I ever got a toe ring. Fine.
169
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,041
If you say she's the devil,
170
00:05:57,042 --> 00:05:58,513
then all right, she's the devil.
171
00:05:58,534 --> 00:06:00,226
Sorry it's not wrapped.
172
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:00,804
All right...
173
00:06:00,805 --> 00:06:02,060
Ow! What are you doing?
174
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:03,513
Showing you hell.
175
00:06:04,526 --> 00:06:06,089
Jules had to leave.
176
00:06:06,090 --> 00:06:07,832
Ungrateful little bitch.
177
00:06:08,198 --> 00:06:11,221
She'd ruin this scarf anyway
with that tacky black hair dye.
178
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:12,967
With all that eyeliner,
179
00:06:12,968 --> 00:06:14,945
God forbid she starts crying.
180
00:06:14,946 --> 00:06:16,885
She'd look like Alice Cooper.
181
00:06:18,094 --> 00:06:19,165
Probably.
182
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,010
Who's Alice Cooper?
183
00:06:24,073 --> 00:06:25,160
Don't.
184
00:06:25,161 --> 00:06:26,585
Was she pretty?
185
00:06:31,193 --> 00:06:32,721
I don't remember a time
186
00:06:32,722 --> 00:06:35,898
I ever felt good about myself
after being around my mom.
187
00:06:35,899 --> 00:06:39,178
Sweetie, you're not only my soul mate.
188
00:06:39,202 --> 00:06:41,437
You're my moral compass.
189
00:06:41,754 --> 00:06:45,756
Just tell me, do I really
need to keep her in my life?
190
00:06:45,757 --> 00:06:47,201
It's a toughie because...
191
00:06:47,202 --> 00:06:48,512
I'm not talking to you.
192
00:06:48,513 --> 00:06:50,332
Seriously, dude? Sorry. My bad.
193
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:52,324
Yes. She stays in your life.
194
00:06:52,325 --> 00:06:53,892
That's how family works.
195
00:06:53,893 --> 00:06:55,884
But there's nothing good about her.
196
00:06:55,885 --> 00:06:58,508
Untrue. She's 66 and still hot.
197
00:06:58,509 --> 00:07:00,268
That bodes well for me.
198
00:07:01,094 --> 00:07:02,293
Keep moving.
199
00:07:04,137 --> 00:07:08,166
I can't remember one nice
thing she's ever said to me.
200
00:07:08,268 --> 00:07:10,637
Maybe she just can't say it to your face.
201
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:12,240
Whatever. I don't care.
202
00:07:12,437 --> 00:07:15,125
Oh. Well, see, now I know you care.
203
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,170
That's your tell... hitting
the people you love.
204
00:07:18,462 --> 00:07:20,069
I mean, most people use words,
205
00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:21,508
but it's not important.
206
00:07:21,681 --> 00:07:22,911
Now do you want me to get your mom
207
00:07:22,912 --> 00:07:24,414
to say something nice about you?
208
00:07:24,581 --> 00:07:25,829
I don't care.
209
00:07:26,085 --> 00:07:27,269
Stop it.
210
00:07:28,278 --> 00:07:29,670
Yes, please.
211
00:07:33,197 --> 00:07:34,928
What? We're stealing the cougar statue?
212
00:07:34,929 --> 00:07:36,115
Yeah!
213
00:07:36,116 --> 00:07:37,448
We're just casing it for now, okay?
214
00:07:37,449 --> 00:07:38,921
So act natural.
215
00:07:39,238 --> 00:07:40,358
Hey.
216
00:07:43,761 --> 00:07:45,705
Dad, what, are you fake hacky-sacking?
217
00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:47,540
Got a good volley going on right now.
218
00:07:47,541 --> 00:07:49,028
Why does this school even have a cougar?
219
00:07:49,029 --> 00:07:50,729
Nothing here has anything
to do with cougars.
220
00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:52,147
Who cares?
221
00:07:52,148 --> 00:07:54,428
If we steal it, our house will
finally be the party house
222
00:07:54,429 --> 00:07:55,376
and not just the house
223
00:07:55,377 --> 00:07:57,417
ere that dental student blew his head off.
224
00:07:57,418 --> 00:07:59,385
Your house is haunted by a ghost dentist?
225
00:08:00,074 --> 00:08:02,201
I'm scared of both of those things.
226
00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:04,076
All right. That's a big-ass cat,
227
00:08:04,077 --> 00:08:06,414
so I called in a man with a truck.
Come here.
228
00:08:06,726 --> 00:08:07,997
Howdy, trav.
229
00:08:07,998 --> 00:08:10,030
Grandpa.
230
00:08:10,183 --> 00:08:12,512
Look, I appreciate you wanting to help,
231
00:08:12,513 --> 00:08:15,020
but we're gonna do some pretty shady stuff.
232
00:08:15,021 --> 00:08:17,261
I'm not quite sure it's up your Al... oh!
233
00:08:18,357 --> 00:08:19,904
Are you kidding me? What the hell?
234
00:08:19,905 --> 00:08:20,689
Hey!
235
00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:22,836
Be cool, boys. Be cool.
236
00:08:23,774 --> 00:08:25,026
They went that way.
237
00:08:25,027 --> 00:08:26,293
Thanks.
238
00:08:27,482 --> 00:08:30,249
They never suspect the old guy.
239
00:08:30,717 --> 00:08:31,353
Rolo?
240
00:08:31,354 --> 00:08:32,570
Oh, yeah.
241
00:08:35,162 --> 00:08:36,360
Okay.
242
00:08:36,361 --> 00:08:39,358
Since you recently found out you're a dad,
243
00:08:39,359 --> 00:08:42,045
I baked you a "congrats
on your baby that you had"
244
00:08:42,046 --> 00:08:43,560
"with the drunk girl that
you picked up at your bar
245
00:08:43,561 --> 00:08:45,813
"before you started dating Jules" cake.
246
00:08:48,090 --> 00:08:51,205
Which is relevant in... zero ways.
247
00:08:51,206 --> 00:08:53,570
I was gonna bake a red velvet baby,
248
00:08:53,571 --> 00:08:57,701
but then I thought it might be
weird to eat your own baby.
249
00:08:58,253 --> 00:09:00,465
I had a hamster that did that once.
250
00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:02,370
It was so super gross...
251
00:09:02,371 --> 00:09:04,097
But I could not look away.
252
00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:07,522
Nature.
253
00:09:08,377 --> 00:09:10,600
Oh! I gotta go. I'm late for work.
254
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,719
Work.
255
00:09:17,553 --> 00:09:18,632
Are you happy?
256
00:09:18,633 --> 00:09:19,889
Thanks to you, I've been the target
257
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:22,577
of Laurie's mouth Cannon
for two days straight.
258
00:09:22,657 --> 00:09:25,181
"Cake. Cake. Giant jewelry.
259
00:09:25,182 --> 00:09:26,952
Hot black guys. Cake."
260
00:09:26,953 --> 00:09:29,398
Poor Grayson.
Your life is just like a blues song.
261
00:09:34,337 --> 00:09:35,781
Ah, good.
262
00:09:35,782 --> 00:09:38,341
You finally serve desserts here.
I'll have a piece.
263
00:09:38,342 --> 00:09:39,624
Uh, that's not for sale.
264
00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,493
Come on! Sell the cake.
265
00:09:41,494 --> 00:09:44,452
You'll be a dream-maker
like, uh, Simon cowell.
266
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:45,533
I'm not gonna do that.
267
00:09:45,534 --> 00:09:47,373
I'll give you 10 bucks for a slice.
268
00:09:47,434 --> 00:09:49,835
Done. Let's make some dreams happen.
269
00:09:52,274 --> 00:09:53,379
Mom!
270
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:55,464
Free wine over here! Come over!
271
00:09:55,465 --> 00:09:57,260
Oh, great.
272
00:09:57,791 --> 00:09:59,414
If you want her to trust you and open up,
273
00:09:59,415 --> 00:10:01,137
you're gonna have to be as mean as she is.
274
00:10:01,138 --> 00:10:03,393
I can be junkyard nasty, bitch.
275
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:05,879
I'm sorry. You're so pretty.
276
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:09,667
Fail. You're gonna have to
crank that "mean" dial way up.
277
00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:11,734
I can do this. Wine me.
278
00:10:11,947 --> 00:10:13,145
All right.
279
00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:14,213
Mm.
280
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,221
Mmm.
281
00:10:16,758 --> 00:10:19,224
Well, that's a waste. Listen.
282
00:10:19,225 --> 00:10:19,925
Yeah.
283
00:10:19,926 --> 00:10:21,560
Once you enter her world... mm.
284
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:22,740
It's hard to stop being mean.
285
00:10:22,741 --> 00:10:24,796
I mean, it's a miracle I can control it.
286
00:10:24,797 --> 00:10:25,993
You think you control it?
287
00:10:25,994 --> 00:10:27,289
I'm controlling it now.
288
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:28,207
Here she comes.
289
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:29,138
Oh.
290
00:10:30,882 --> 00:10:31,624
Hey.
291
00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:32,340
Hi.
292
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,605
Where did Ellie go?
293
00:10:33,606 --> 00:10:35,957
Oh, um... to check on Stan.
294
00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:39,610
You know, I stole this bottle
of wine from Grayson's bar.
295
00:10:39,725 --> 00:10:41,295
Don't tell on me.
296
00:10:41,353 --> 00:10:43,800
Grayson can be a bit of a cheapskate.
297
00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:45,241
Could be worse.
298
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:48,417
Crank up.
299
00:10:48,418 --> 00:10:50,508
Grayson is a self-centered pretty boy
300
00:10:50,509 --> 00:10:53,612
with a bastard child and eyes so tiny,
301
00:10:53,613 --> 00:10:56,046
you could blindfold him
with a bead necklace.
302
00:10:56,997 --> 00:10:58,389
Jules...
303
00:10:58,390 --> 00:10:59,796
You're awful.
304
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:01,205
I really am.
305
00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:03,025
Okay.
306
00:11:04,352 --> 00:11:07,426
She's in. High five. Awesome.
307
00:11:09,245 --> 00:11:10,509
Hey. Nice horse trailer.
308
00:11:10,510 --> 00:11:13,244
I conceived your mom in there.
309
00:11:13,385 --> 00:11:15,333
There's the first scar of the night.
310
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:19,301
Hey, it'll hold a statue. Now listen.
311
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,308
Everybody stick to the plan,
312
00:11:21,309 --> 00:11:23,132
and nobody's gonna get pinched.
313
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:24,650
Whoa. You brought a gun?
314
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:27,115
Well, you bring a gun so
you d't have to use a gun.
315
00:11:27,116 --> 00:11:28,203
What?
316
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,838
I'm just making sure it's not loaded.
317
00:11:33,414 --> 00:11:36,517
Hey. There's a horse in here.
318
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,232
You forgot to unload Annabelle?
319
00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:41,051
Yeah. I'm old. Could we just do this?
320
00:11:41,052 --> 00:11:42,828
Uh-oh. Sig's stressed.
321
00:11:42,909 --> 00:11:43,839
Let's go home.
322
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,944
No, no, no, no, no. This is our moment.
323
00:11:45,945 --> 00:11:48,016
We can't just run away
at the first sign of...
324
00:11:48,501 --> 00:11:49,861
scatter. Scatter.
325
00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:52,432
Rookies.
326
00:11:54,911 --> 00:11:57,102
It's just a surprise.
No one's gonna hit you.
327
00:11:58,081 --> 00:11:58,629
Boop.
328
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:01,110
Check out my new menu.
329
00:12:01,159 --> 00:12:03,269
Krazy kakes! Huh?
330
00:12:04,485 --> 00:12:06,166
Even bought a new oven.
331
00:12:07,173 --> 00:12:09,113
You'll make the cakes here, I'll sell them,
332
00:12:09,114 --> 00:12:11,289
and we'll split the profits.
333
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,641
Yeah!
334
00:12:14,877 --> 00:12:16,240
She's not doing it with me.
335
00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:18,227
Grayson, this is really sweet,
336
00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:19,957
but I'm not interested.
337
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,076
Sorry.
338
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:27,573
How about you give me a 1-second head start
339
00:12:27,574 --> 00:12:29,921
for every hundred dollars
that you spent on her?
340
00:12:30,242 --> 00:12:32,929
So that would be what,
like, three, four seconds?
341
00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:34,233
11.
342
00:12:34,234 --> 00:12:36,296
That's... that's a lot of seconds.
343
00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:43,728
My first husband was the
rare triple threat.
344
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:44,988
He combined alcoholism
345
00:12:44,989 --> 00:12:47,965
and no personality with severe ugliness.
346
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,771
Once the cash was gone, so was I.
347
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:52,041
Those may be the darkest thoughts
348
00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:53,609
I've ever heard strung together.
349
00:12:54,889 --> 00:12:56,578
He was Ellie's dad, you know.
350
00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:59,577
She definitely made it harder
to meet husband number two.
351
00:12:59,694 --> 00:13:01,217
Oh, bets.
352
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:03,821
You're talking about your daughter.
353
00:13:03,822 --> 00:13:05,613
You know, it's a funny thing about kids.
354
00:13:05,614 --> 00:13:07,520
You raise them, provide for them...
355
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:10,066
you do your job as a parent
because you have to.
356
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:14,089
There's no guarantee there'll be
any real connection, you know.
357
00:13:14,397 --> 00:13:18,590
If you had to say something
nice about Ellie, you could.
358
00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:21,589
Come on. Gun to your head. Say something.
359
00:13:21,906 --> 00:13:24,294
Uh-oh. I'm cocking it.
360
00:13:26,717 --> 00:13:28,045
Don't make me do it.
361
00:13:28,689 --> 00:13:29,945
Good night.
362
00:13:33,475 --> 00:13:35,427
Hey, Stan. Is that mine?
363
00:13:36,814 --> 00:13:37,966
As you were.
364
00:13:44,186 --> 00:13:45,322
Wow.
365
00:13:45,381 --> 00:13:47,687
Looks like someone's been
sucking down some salt today,
366
00:13:47,688 --> 00:13:49,786
huh? Bloat much?
367
00:13:49,937 --> 00:13:50,556
Mean,
368
00:13:50,557 --> 00:13:53,392
but good eye, 'cause I scarfed down, like,
369
00:13:53,393 --> 00:13:56,144
two monster soft pretzels
on my way over here.
370
00:13:56,145 --> 00:13:56,912
I'm sorry.
371
00:13:56,913 --> 00:13:59,281
It's just, when that
meanness gets a hold of you,
372
00:13:59,282 --> 00:14:01,500
it's like, it just feels so good.
373
00:14:01,501 --> 00:14:03,105
Mm-hmm. It's like a drug,
374
00:14:03,106 --> 00:14:05,943
but you don't see fireworks
or cartoon ponies.
375
00:14:05,944 --> 00:14:07,621
Jules has never tried drugs.
376
00:14:07,622 --> 00:14:12,133
Clearly. So...
did my mom say anything nice about me?
377
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,521
Not that I care.
378
00:14:13,565 --> 00:14:14,633
Ow!
379
00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:17,097
She did. She, uh...
380
00:14:17,572 --> 00:14:19,625
She said that, uh, that you're a great mom.
381
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:20,880
Can I get a direct quote?
382
00:14:20,881 --> 00:14:22,132
"Ellie's a great mom."
383
00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:24,277
Wow. That's...
384
00:14:25,229 --> 00:14:26,269
Wow.
385
00:14:26,601 --> 00:14:27,945
Thanks, Jules.
386
00:14:30,845 --> 00:14:32,429
I am such a liar.
387
00:14:32,986 --> 00:14:34,056
Pretzel?
388
00:14:36,135 --> 00:14:37,304
Bye.
389
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:41,917
I should have asked you if
you wanted to sell cakes.
390
00:14:41,918 --> 00:14:43,028
Okay? But I've learned my lesson.
391
00:14:43,029 --> 00:14:45,621
I will never listen to Andy again.
392
00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:47,503
And I learned two lessons...
393
00:14:47,504 --> 00:14:50,694
one, Grayson's a lot faster than he looks,
394
00:14:50,695 --> 00:14:53,893
and two, he still thinks wedgies are funny.
395
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,634
'Cause they are.
396
00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:58,825
Andy, why don't you just
pull that thing down?
397
00:14:58,826 --> 00:15:00,170
They don't go down.
398
00:15:01,010 --> 00:15:02,114
They're in me.
399
00:15:02,183 --> 00:15:04,564
Oh. You're crazy not to sell your cakes,
400
00:15:04,565 --> 00:15:09,184
and I'm not just saying that
because I'm $1,100 in the hole.
401
00:15:09,185 --> 00:15:10,000
I don't care.
402
00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:11,785
Uh, don't say, "I don't care,"
403
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,957
because it makes me a little, uh, rage-y.
404
00:15:13,958 --> 00:15:14,974
I don't care.
405
00:15:14,975 --> 00:15:16,725
There it is again. I don't care.
406
00:15:16,726 --> 00:15:19,293
That's it. I am taking that
cake and I'm gonna sell it.
407
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:21,312
No, you're not. Don't touch it.
408
00:15:21,313 --> 00:15:22,379
I'll touch it.
409
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,587
No, you're not. Grayson...
all right. Guys, g...
410
00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:25,016
put it down right now. No.
411
00:15:25,017 --> 00:15:27,314
Get $1,100...
412
00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:29,261
I don't care! I...
413
00:15:34,641 --> 00:15:36,257
I'm still selling this!
414
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,710
This is perfectly good.
I'm still selling this!
415
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:44,517
You know, before the cougar statue,
416
00:15:44,518 --> 00:15:46,248
they used to have a series
of bronze sculptures
417
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:48,573
depicting famous battle
scenes from the civil war.
418
00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:49,977
That's a great story.
419
00:15:49,978 --> 00:15:51,575
Don't be like your scaredy-cat buddies.
420
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:52,935
There's nothing to be afraid of.
421
00:15:52,936 --> 00:15:53,692
Ghost dentist!
422
00:15:53,693 --> 00:15:54,862
Aah!
423
00:15:54,974 --> 00:15:56,400
Dad, I need to talk to you.
424
00:15:56,401 --> 00:15:58,011
Wait. What are you guys doing here, anyway?
425
00:15:58,012 --> 00:15:59,754
We're stealing... I'm in!
426
00:15:59,921 --> 00:16:02,258
I love it when we do things as a family.
427
00:16:02,938 --> 00:16:04,017
Hey!
428
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,007
Is that the fuzz?
429
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:07,773
Everybody go civil war statue.
430
00:16:13,794 --> 00:16:15,025
Seriously?
431
00:16:17,122 --> 00:16:19,029
And here is your mug cake.
432
00:16:20,089 --> 00:16:22,260
Oh, is... that's why you called me here?
433
00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:23,953
To rub that in my face? That's cool.
434
00:16:23,954 --> 00:16:25,873
Laurie, I know why you bailed on me.
435
00:16:26,241 --> 00:16:27,203
You're scared.
436
00:16:27,204 --> 00:16:29,974
Laurie Keller isn't scared of anything...
437
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,868
Except for old people smiling at me.
438
00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:35,861
I swear it's like they
want to steal your soul.
439
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,424
It's okay to be afraid.
440
00:16:37,425 --> 00:16:39,572
Not of old people. That's insane.
441
00:16:39,573 --> 00:16:42,005
Do you know what I love
most about myself, Grayson?
442
00:16:42,006 --> 00:16:43,510
I mean, besides everything?
443
00:16:43,676 --> 00:16:45,630
It's that I know who I am.
444
00:16:45,631 --> 00:16:47,929
I'm a high school dropout
who works a boring job
445
00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:51,222
and gets paid just enough money
to buy really loud clothes.
446
00:16:51,223 --> 00:16:52,524
And I'm fine with that
447
00:16:52,525 --> 00:16:54,827
because I know that one day,
448
00:16:54,828 --> 00:16:56,954
I'm gonna run krazy kakes.
449
00:16:57,349 --> 00:17:01,364
But... you get that if I try and I fail,
450
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:04,151
then there's no more "one day," right?
451
00:17:04,534 --> 00:17:07,668
My biggest dream was to have a kid.
Now I do.
452
00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:10,145
Aw.
453
00:17:10,251 --> 00:17:12,841
Look, not everything with
Jill's how I imagined it'd be.
454
00:17:12,842 --> 00:17:14,320
Isn't her name Tampa?
455
00:17:14,321 --> 00:17:16,355
Her first name is Tampa.
456
00:17:16,356 --> 00:17:18,709
Her middle name is Jill,
and I'm going with "Jill."
457
00:17:18,777 --> 00:17:19,776
Why?
458
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,145
The point is
459
00:17:21,146 --> 00:17:23,258
it's amazing having Jill in my life.
460
00:17:23,357 --> 00:17:25,377
The reality's better than
the dreams ever were,
461
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,298
and you'll never know
if that's true for you
462
00:17:27,382 --> 00:17:29,190
unless you roll the dice.
463
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:30,540
Grayson...
464
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,700
Roy. Roy, go back to your table. Okay?
465
00:17:36,701 --> 00:17:37,925
I'll bring you a beer.
466
00:17:39,957 --> 00:17:41,742
Thanks, new guy.
467
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,960
All right. Let's sell some cakes.
468
00:17:45,961 --> 00:17:48,425
Right. Ah.
469
00:17:49,264 --> 00:17:50,617
You need to really work
on that nosebleed, sig.
470
00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:52,165
That's why you don't have a girlfriend, man.
I'm sorry, man.
471
00:17:52,166 --> 00:17:53,304
'Cause you always got nosebleeds.
472
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:54,793
I told you... no way.
473
00:17:54,794 --> 00:17:56,368
You guys got it. Yep,
474
00:17:56,369 --> 00:17:59,344
plus I learned something that's
gonna help us in college.
475
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:03,404
Campus cops will forget
anything for 20 bucks.
476
00:18:03,405 --> 00:18:04,388
They will.
477
00:18:04,389 --> 00:18:06,042
Boys, let's go celebrate.
478
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,961
I'm gonna show you how to score free pizza.
479
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,877
Who wants to fake-choke on a sausage?
480
00:18:09,878 --> 00:18:11,181
Ooh, I'm in.
481
00:18:11,182 --> 00:18:13,518
June bug. Didn't you want to talk?
482
00:18:14,185 --> 00:18:15,985
Dad, you never let me do anything.
483
00:18:15,986 --> 00:18:18,673
I let you commit a felony tonight.
484
00:18:19,977 --> 00:18:21,609
Now what's on your mind?
485
00:18:21,781 --> 00:18:22,885
All right.
486
00:18:23,298 --> 00:18:26,321
Ellie's mom is just so awful,
487
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:28,872
and I know you can't close
the door on family, but...
488
00:18:28,873 --> 00:18:29,969
horse feathers.
489
00:18:29,970 --> 00:18:31,789
Do you think Bobby and I enjoyed
490
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:33,777
helping Travis steal that statue?
491
00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:36,161
I do. You're right. It was awesome.
492
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,729
But even it had stunk, we
still would have been there,
493
00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,060
because the people we love need to know
494
00:18:42,061 --> 00:18:44,396
that we're always on their side.
495
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:45,891
You don't get a free pass
496
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,261
just because you share the same blood.
497
00:18:49,057 --> 00:18:51,745
Being part of a family's
something you got to earn.
498
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,367
Otherwise, the hell with you.
499
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,853
I'm so glad you're my dad.
500
00:18:56,854 --> 00:18:58,294
Aw.
501
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:00,517
You guys want to get high?
502
00:19:00,518 --> 00:19:01,281
No.
503
00:19:01,282 --> 00:19:02,717
Get out.
504
00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:06,159
Where's your mom?
505
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,085
Packing. Car's coming to
take her to the airport.
506
00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:12,920
I get big Carl?
507
00:19:12,921 --> 00:19:13,717
Mm-hmm.
508
00:19:13,718 --> 00:19:16,398
What's going on? Are you dying?
509
00:19:17,892 --> 00:19:20,244
Ellie, I lied, and I never lie.
510
00:19:20,245 --> 00:19:21,453
You always lie. I don't.
511
00:19:21,454 --> 00:19:23,420
You do. Fine, but never about big stuff.
512
00:19:23,421 --> 00:19:24,474
Usually about big stuff.
513
00:19:24,475 --> 00:19:25,963
I think we're getting sidetracked.
514
00:19:26,005 --> 00:19:29,829
Listen, your mom didn't say
anything nice about you.
515
00:19:30,514 --> 00:19:31,745
I'm so sorry.
516
00:19:31,746 --> 00:19:33,572
I think, deep down, I knew.
517
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,203
Well, I do have some good news.
518
00:19:35,204 --> 00:19:38,182
As your moral compass, I'm freeing you.
519
00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,694
You don't have to see her
any more if you don't want to.
520
00:19:40,793 --> 00:19:41,996
Awesome!
521
00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:43,080
Whoa.
522
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:44,796
Didn't expect you to be this excited.
523
00:19:44,797 --> 00:19:46,636
Can I get a dead-mom high five?
524
00:19:46,637 --> 00:19:48,700
Morbid, but all right,
if you really want one.
525
00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:51,967
Oh, I want one. I want two. Dead. Mom-five.
526
00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:54,624
Are you sure you're okay?
527
00:19:54,643 --> 00:19:56,028
Don't worry.
528
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,021
I honestly don't care one way or the other
529
00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:00,261
if I ever see my mom again.
530
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:01,477
Oh.
531
00:20:02,594 --> 00:20:04,800
Well, maybe by cutting her out,
532
00:20:04,801 --> 00:20:07,648
she'll realize that she needs to change.
533
00:20:07,698 --> 00:20:09,057
You think she will?
534
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,228
I hope so.
535
00:20:10,229 --> 00:20:11,164
Ellie!
536
00:20:11,165 --> 00:20:12,526
The car's here.
537
00:20:12,527 --> 00:20:13,901
I'm gonna head out now so I have time
538
00:20:13,902 --> 00:20:15,424
to buy magazines at the airport.
539
00:20:15,425 --> 00:20:17,331
Okay, mom. I'll come over and say good-bye.
540
00:20:17,332 --> 00:20:18,837
No, no, that's okay.
541
00:20:18,942 --> 00:20:21,709
Thanks for the visit.
I'm sure we'll talk soon.
542
00:20:24,422 --> 00:20:25,669
Bye, mom.
543
00:20:27,332 --> 00:20:28,805
Want a hug?
544
00:20:33,745 --> 00:20:34,680
I don't lie.
545
00:20:34,681 --> 00:20:35,786
You do.
546
00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:37,913
So much.
547
00:20:37,914 --> 00:20:38,718
Never.
548
00:20:38,719 --> 00:20:39,747
You lie all the time.
549
00:20:39,748 --> 00:20:41,044
I don't want to lie.
550
00:20:41,893 --> 00:20:44,533
Never met someone that lies as much as you.
551
00:20:49,074 --> 00:20:50,945
Okay. Mm-hmm.
552
00:20:52,062 --> 00:20:53,116
Wait.
553
00:20:53,117 --> 00:20:55,032
Since Ellie's mom couldn't do it,
554
00:20:55,033 --> 00:20:58,656
no one gets any wine until you
say something nice about Ellie.
555
00:20:59,219 --> 00:21:00,546
I'm going to a bar.
556
00:21:01,165 --> 00:21:01,679
Okay.
557
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:05,592
You are strong, you're smart,
and you're an amazing friend.
558
00:21:05,593 --> 00:21:06,985
And I get wine.
559
00:21:07,902 --> 00:21:09,757
Oh, and you're also
pretty and you're funny.
560
00:21:09,758 --> 00:21:11,896
And you're beautiful and you make me laugh.
561
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,404
Those are the same things I said.
562
00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:14,732
You took all the good ones.
563
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,109
No wine for you!
564
00:21:17,061 --> 00:21:17,898
Grayson?
565
00:21:17,899 --> 00:21:21,260
Okay, um, you, uh, you are a neighbor.
566
00:21:21,261 --> 00:21:22,416
A good neighbor?
567
00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:23,721
Eh.
568
00:21:23,722 --> 00:21:25,112
No wine for you!
569
00:21:25,113 --> 00:21:26,490
Just more for us.
570
00:21:28,177 --> 00:21:29,937
You own a truck.
571
00:21:30,337 --> 00:21:31,496
Sad.
572
00:21:31,497 --> 00:21:33,307
You still have all your fingers.
573
00:21:33,308 --> 00:21:34,298
Wow.
574
00:21:34,323 --> 00:21:39,423
Sync by YYeTs and corrections by Sp8ky for
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