All language subtitles for American Meltdown (2023).eng

- Olivia, Olivia?

Are you even paying attention?

- Yeah, sorry.

I'm just trying to wrap
my head around, uh...

So can I keep my job?

- Oh, yes, obviously.

You're our best interior designer.

You just can't be here for 90 days.

- Yeah, I don't understand.

- You see, our 22-year-old
that we just hired

as our new business manager,
she just told us today

that anybody on staff who's been here

for more than 18 months

technically becomes a full-time employee.

And well, employees earn benefits.

- I don't get benefits.

- Right.

And to keep it that way,
we need you to take off

for three months, which is no big deal

because you'll come back on a
new contract without benefits.

- Okay.

So look, I know you're super smart

and you've probably thought
all of this through,

but I don't know how I'm gonna
pay my rent without this job.

- Olivia, blame the unions.

- Fuck.

- Welcome
back to another episode

of Money for Millennials.

Today we're talking about the
power of personal budgeting

to unlock your full potential.

But first, are you sick
of boring websites?

Well, good design is only a click away

with today's sponsor, Square-

- Oh, no.

Hey, I need to report a robbery.

Yeah, so I got home and my
door was sort of just wide open

and all of my stuff
was all over the place.

And to be honest with you,
like I'm a little afraid

that someone might be in there still.

Okay.

Do I have to like stay
here the whole time?

Because I'm pretty scared.

Oh, I do?

Okay, cool.

Um, what time can you get here?

Shit.

- Hello?

I'm coming in.

If anybody's here,

you should know that I called the police

and I've got real mixed
feelings about that

'cause I'm pretty sure
I don't like the police,

but I panicked and I did it anyway. So...

You should really consider not being here.

Also, God, this is very rude.

Fuck, my Motown collection.

Hi.

- Hey, you must be Olivia Walker.

I heard you had a break-in.

- Yeah. Please, come in.

- My name is Officer Bronson.

I came as fast as I could.

- Thank you.

Yeah, just make yourself at home, I guess.

Would you like some tea or something?

- No, I don't do that.

So what is missing?

- They took all my good
stuff, like my best jewelry,

my TV, my laptop.

You know, they took this vintage blanket

and it was really expensive.

And I feel like that
could probably be a clue.

- I doubt it.

They probably used it to carry the goods.

So I am going to need the serial numbers

for every item that's missing.

- Oh, was I supposed to write that down?

- Yeah, how else am I supposed
to find your missing stuff?

- Olive.

What the fuck is happening?

I heard the news.

I dropped everything.

I came straight over.

- Yeah, I mean, thank you
so much for doing that.

My name's Olivia, though.

- Oh, what am I saying?

- You're saying Olive, like-

- No, I'm not.

- Oh, okay.

Officer Bronson, this
is my property manager.

- Hey, Lou.
- Joe!

From the fundraiser.
- The fundraiser.

How are you?

- I'm doing good.

- Good to see you, man.

- That was a good night.
- Looking good.

Gilbert and Main likes us
to keep a close relationship

with the local PD just in case
we have any problem tenants.

Or tenant problems, rather.

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

Nobody deserves this. Nobody!

- Thank you, I appreciate that.

- Of course.

You know, corporate called
and they said they wanted me

to come over, maybe have someone here

to kind of represent the property.

And I said I'll go to
represent the tenant.

So that's why I'm here, for you.

Okay?

But I love what you and Rich
have done with this place.

It's so cool.

It's very, it's like kind of boho.

- Thank you.

He actually doesn't live here anymore.

- Really?

Did y'all break up?

- Hey, is this part of the house?

- No, that's mine.

- What about these, real?

- Yep.

- Cool! Do you have any security cameras?

- I don't think so.

- Okay, so I'm noting that you
took zero safety precautions.

- Which makes it her fault, right?

- Yeah, maybe.

- Oh, no, I don't think-
- Wait, hold on.

Gilbert and Main has got your back.

Calm down.

It could be her fault though, right?

- Maybe, yeah.

- Okay, why would I rob myself?

- That's a good point.

Do you ever see this happening,

people kind of faking crimes
for insurance purposes?

- Oh yeah, happens all the time.

- Oh, well I don't have insurance.

- Well, you should.

- You don't have insurance?

- No.

- Do you have health insurance?

- Doesn't seem like it's your business.

- I don't see any sign of forced entry.

- Well, maybe they picked the lock.

- Or maybe they found a spare key.

Did you leave one outside?
- No.

- What about under the rock?
- No.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Look, I keep the main key on me

and the spare I keep in my car.

- So where's the third key?

- I don't have a third key.

- There's always three keys.

- I'm making a note that
she should have three keys,

but can only find two.

- No, please don't do that.

Look, you only gave me two.

- No, we do three, note that.

- Noted.

Do you want me to dust for fingerprints?

It'll make a mess.

- Yes, please do whatever
you can to get my stuff back.

This house is all that I have.

- It's not really your house, you know.

- So no dusting?

- Well, thank you for showing up.

- I'll be in touch,

but we don't tend to solve
many burglaries, so...

- Oh, so you don't have
any idea who did this?

- That's the scary thing.

Could be anyone, really. A stranger,

your neighbor, your friend, your ex.

Everybody has a secret.

Everybody.

- I'm safe though, right?

- Maybe.

- What do you mean maybe?

- Well, whoever did this
does know where you live,

and if they got your
credit card statements

then they know where you shop,

and you got your account
numbers on bank checks

and your social's on tax returns,

and who knows what they
could do with all that stuff.

- Cool.

- It's no wonder most break
in victims suffer from PTSD.

Speaking of which, you
should see a therapist.

You can afford it.

- Hi. Um, was that of me?

- Oh yeah, the light's perfect.

Do you wanna see?

- Okay.

- Cool, right?

- Yeah, I mean, I guess if
you like pictures of people

who look dead inside, that's-

- Oh, come on.

Don't be such a downer!
The light is perfect.

I like it, I'm gonna keep it.

Anyway, nice to meet you.

Have a great day, bye.

- Okay.

Bye, I guess.

Could I have a job application?

- Hi.

I saw you at the pier, right?

- Oh, yeah.

Can I help you?

- So I think that you dropped your wallet

and I just wanted to give it back to you.

- Thank you.

That's really kind.

- Of course, have a great day.

- Hey, wait, can I give you like a reward?

I think I have some-

- No, no, no, please.

It's my civic duty.

Have a great day.

- This isn't mine.

This belongs to some woman named Katerina.

- Oh.

Oh, this one's yours!

Must be a popular brand.

I'll trade you.

You just have to keep it a secret.

- I don't know what's happening.

- Okay, so I know that
this seems super sketchy,

but I'm actually trying
to do the right thing.

I just kind of fucked it
up in an embarrassing way.

Yes, I did steal your wallet because yes,

I did think that you were rich,

but then I saw you filling
out the job application

and I realized that you might need this

more than I do.

But what you just realized about me

is that I have a huge conscience.

So if you could not call the
cops, that would be super rad.

Are we good?

- I don't really know what to say.

- Keep both, are we good?

- I'm really not interested.

- No, but this is not a bad thing.

I only steal from those who deserve it.

- Who deserves it?

- What?!

The wealthy, they don't even notice.

It's super harmless.

- No.

- Let me show you! One second.

- Wait, I don't...

Please don't.

Oh my God.

Hey, sir, you looks so
handsome standing there.

I'm just gonna take your picture.

I'm gonna get outta here.

You wanna come with, or
do you like minimum wage?

- Oh my God, that was crazy.

So, like, what happens if the cops come?

- Well, they won't if you just stay cool

and just, like, stop talking.

Please, stop. Stop.

This is my favorite part:
digging through the riches!

- Oh my God, how did you get so many?

- Well, I've had practice.

I'm Mari, by the way.

Or Marí, if you can roll your R's.

- Yeah, I can't do that. But I'm Olivia.

- I know, I stole your ID.

Ooh, jackpot!

- Okay, so what?

You're like a con artist? Or a grifter?

- Those are your words, not mine.

- Okay, well, what words would you use?

- I'm self-employed.

- Why did you think I was rich?

- You dress nice. The
whole dead inside thing.

- Yeah. That'll do it.

- Oh, speaking of which...

That is a picture of someone who's happy.

Look at that smile.

Who knows? Maybe you're
meant for this life.

- Oh my God, wouldn't that be wild?

It'd be like Bonnie and Bonnie.

But no, that's not what this is.

I just like to be by the water.

Water calms me.

- What's the use in being calm?

Angry people get shit done.

- I think anger's destructive.

- Some things need to be destroyed.

I gotta go.

Are we good?

- Yeah. We're good.

- This has been fun.

If you wanna do it again,
come on back to the beach.

- Right.

I had a sense that I'd see her again,

but I never thought I'd end up here.

- You didn't think she was dangerous?

- No.

Intense. But not dangerous.

I can't imagine her being so...

- Destructive?

- Is she a suspect?

- Olivia, you were the victim

of a cruel and malicious crime.

You could have been killed.
And everybody is a suspect.

So just tell me what happened next.

- Hi, this is Olivia Walker.

I applied to be a driver

and I was just wondering
if there's any way

to expedite the background check process.

Oh. What if I can't afford that?

Okay, and how long will that take?

Please, I don't feel safe.

- That sounds like a 'you' problem.

- Okay, but there is a 'u' in 'us'

and that would make it a
property problem, right?

- Wrong.

- Okay.

Well, Lou, isn't there
something you can do?

I need some type of security.

- Okay, look, I get it, I do.

But I represent Gilbert and Main

and they have zero obligations here.

Did you read the lease you signed?

- Obviously.

- Okay, then you should know

that if a tenant wants security,

they have to buy it themselves.

- Well, I can't afford that right now.

- I know. Times are tough, right?

So maybe there's... another way. To pay.

- Oh.
- What?

- Uh... I don't...

- What do you think I'm talking about?

I'm talking about you
getting a second job.

Or maybe, I don't know,
going to grad school,

getting a financial advisor.

Ask your parents!

- Yep. Okay. Those are fantastic ideas.

And I'm gonna think
long and hard about it.

I am gonna go.

I'm gonna take one of these cards,

and I'm just gonna work
this out with corporate.

- Wait, gimme this.

Okay, these are expensive.

Here's what I'm gonna do for you.

Your rent's not due for three days, right?

So if you can pay today?
Now? I'm gonna give you...

A 5% discount.

- Right now?

- What do you wanna do?

- Okay. But don't deposit that until like

really late in the day on the first,

like the latest possible minute

that you could possibly deposit it

is when you should put that through.

I gotta work on getting some cash.

- Who is it?

- Oh, hi! It's Olivia.

- Which Olivia?

- Your ex-girlfriend.

- Shit.

Oh, please have a seat.

Have a seat, please.

Make yourself comfortable.

Would you like a smoothie?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, that sounds good.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Will do! I was just about to make one.

So what's up?

It's not your mom, is it?

- Oh, no, she's in remission.

- That's great.

Can I call her and tell her congrats?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, she'd like that.

- Awesome, nice.

So what's up?

You said you needed help.

- Right.

Okay, so the house was broken into.

- Olivia.

Did they take my shit?

- I don't think so, no.

- Thank God! That paintball
gear is not cheap.

Also the couches.

I know I paid for those and
they've been in the way,

but I'm gonna come pick 'em up

'cause I need to sell them again.

I'm so sorry.

- Okay, Rich, look, this
isn't about the couches.

Okay.

You remember when you
left, rather abruptly

and you promised that you
would pay three months rent

to help out?

And then I never saw a cent.

So I was sort of hoping

that you would pay me what you owe me.

- I didn't tell you.
My mom also got cancer.

- Really?

- Yeah. Yeah!

Crazy, right?

And all the extra money I
had, I had to send to her.

But you understand, right?

You've always been so empathetic.

Maybe you should get
like a loan or something.

- Oh, is that what you think is best?

- Yeah, I get loans all the time.

Me and Breezy, straight from my parents.

They help me out a lot.

Here! Take this to go.

So good seeing you.

- Okay, yep, I will fix the seat belts

and then I'll reapply.

Great, yep.

Oh.

Oh, no.

What the hell?

What the hell?

Whoop!

Hello?

Hello, is anybody here?

Hello?

Hello?

- Holy shit, dude, you're alive!

- Mari?

- What happened to you last night?

I got so scared.

- Yeah.

Honestly, I don't remember anything.

- Oh yeah, you were so drunk.

Especially when that guy dropped you off.

It was bad.

- There was a guy? What guy?

- Oh, the guy.

A driver at the beach.

He was so hot.
- Sorry.

- Did you steal his wallet?

- I wouldn't do that.

- Except that you did.

- Yeah, I did.

= Proud of you.

- Oh my God.

Look, I don't wanna sound
rude, but do you live in this?

- That is rude, and yes, I do.

I told you last night.

- What else did we talk about?

- Oh, lots.

Yeah, it's so funny.

You came in with this like big sob story

about how you got broken up with,

broken into, you're broke yourself.

If that rings a bell?

- No, but you know, it sounds like me, so.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

All right.

Well, you cannot call a car
here 'cause there's no service.

But if you walk a quarter
mile that way, totally can.

Glad you're okay.

Text me when you get home.

- Oh, thanks.

I'm actually not in any type of a rush.

I don't have a job right now.

I dunno if I mentioned that last night.

- You definitely did. Way more than once.

- Yeah, I mean, you know,

it's just like a temporary thing.

Like, I am employed, I'm
an interior designer.

It's just I'm on hiatus
until I stop qualifying

for benefits, and then
I'll be right back in.

- That's fucked up.

It sounds like they owe you benefits.

- It's whatever. Blame the unions!

Am I right?

- Oh, so you're in the union?

- No.

- Why were you there?

- I have no idea.

- Well, think on it and try again.

- I don't know.

I started drinking a
lot after the break in

and there's a lot I don't remember.

- You know, it's hard for me to help you

if there are holes in your story.

- This is a way of solving your problems.

First you identify them, then
you cast them into the flame.

- How does that help?

- It makes you feel better, I promise.

I don't know what it is, but it does.

Watch.

Okay.

This is for bullshit.

And this is for Wall Street motherfuckers.

This is for my father who disowned me.

And this is for ants, which
are fucking everywhere!

Oh, doesn't it just feel
better to burn your problems?

Wanna try?

- Um...

No, I think I'll just watch.

- Okay.

- You travel so much.

Is this Mars?

- That is Utah.

Me and a bunch of crust punks

trainhopping around the country.

Let's see.

This dip shit? That's Nick.

He's the one that taught
me how to pickpocket.

Those guys were fun for like a minute.

I mean, I do miss them
sometimes, but I don't know.

They weren't really my scene.

- Who is?

- I haven't really found one.

- I mean, you had to have people, right?

Like friends and family back home.

- I never found one.

People don't like me
once they get to know me,

which is fine.

I don't like them either.

- So how'd you end up here?

- I got in a van and I drove.

- For no reason?

- All right, because you
continue to ask questions.

I was a lawyer.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- What?
- Yeah.

For a bit.

I grew up poor, first generation Hispanic.

I think I felt that it was my duty

to change the family fortunes.

So I took out a loan for $200,000

and made the genius decision
to graduate into a recession.

And that interest stacks up
fast when you can't find a job.

- Yeah, I know that feeling.

- Yeah, so now I live in a van.

- What's this?

- My mantra.

I ask myself that every day,

and if the answer isn't
yes, then I make a change.

- So? Do you like your life?

- It's not heaven.

I don't have A/C.

I'm always stressed about
cops, literally always.

But it is my choice, so I don't complain.

Also, it's not forever.

I am making a plan. Saving
up to leave the country,

go far away from douche bag
debt collectors and start anew.

And I just don't have enough yet.

- How much more do you need?

- You ask way too many questions.

- Oh, yeah, sorry.

I am a very curious person.

- No, no, it's great.

It's great, just I'm
just tired of talking.

- Right, yeah, of course.

Sorry, I should've read the room.

I will call a car.

Okay I don't have service.

Would you mind dragging
me just like a mile down?

- Yeah.

- Or...

Would you maybe want to crash at my place?

- Oh, no, I'm not like
looking for handouts.

- No, no, no.

I mean, actually, this is for me.

Like, I want this.

- Oh, wait, are you flirting with me?

- No! No, no, no, no.

Look, I've just been
really stressed, okay?

Ever since the break-in,

it's been really hard for
me to be alone in my house.

I was thinking that, you
know, if you wanted to come

and like keep me company, or...

And this is weird, this is a weird ask.

I will call a lift.

- Would you pay me, like keep watch?

- Maybe.

How much?

- A hundred plus gas.

- Yeah, I could do that.

- Really?

No wonder you're broke.

Yeah! Let's do it.

- I don't wanna go in.

- I have mace.

I have a lot of mace.

Hey, sweet digs.

- Thanks.

Could you...

You know, take your mace
and see if anybody is here?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, is anybody in here?

I have mace!

If you are, I'll mace you!

I'm very scary!

Oh, I like this smiley face.

It's cool.

- Yeah, the robber did that.

I just haven't erased it.

- What a weirdo.

Seems empty.

- Okay.

Thank you.

So you can stay on the couch, I guess.

- Okay.

- It's a cool place, right?

- Yeah, yeah, it has a lot to like touch.

Do you own it?

- The house?

No, no. I can't afford a house.

My dad says it's because
I drink fancy coffee,

but I did the math and I would
need to stop drinking coffee

for 150 years in order
to afford a house here.

I don't think I'm gonna live that long.

So I rent, from a corporation
called Gilbert and Main.

- And your parents help you out?

- No.

They were bankrupted by a
cancer scare, so I'm on my own.

It's very exciting.

- But you said you were broke.

I mean, this place is pretty fancy.

- Yeah, I think that's
probably why I'm broke.

I co-signed for this place with my ex.

He had a huge inheritance,
so I thought we'd be fine,

but he met some stupid
influencer and now he's gone

and I have five months left
on a lease meant for two.

It has wiped out my
savings, like in a big way.

I don't wanna give it up,
but I don't know what to do.

- Fucking boyfriends.

- Yeah.

- Also, what's an influencer?

Chill, chill, chill.

Oh, it's just a raccoon.

All good.

Oh, you're a jumpy one.

- Yeah.

Yeah, the police said that this could be

like a PTSD situation,

but it's no reason to lose
your cool in front of a guest.

- Hey, no, no.

You don't have to hide
yourself in front of me, okay?

I'd be fucking scared too if
I was living in a crime scene.

But if it makes you feel
better, just remember,

I'm here to keep you safe.

- So you went to bed
with a complete stranger

let loose in your home?

- Yeah.

- Why'd you do that?

- Have you ever been broken into?

That's why you don't understand.

The police were supposed to
protect me, but they didn't.

This girl Mari was the
only one who showed up.

And when she was around,
I slept like a rock.

I finally felt like myself.

For services rendered.

- How many stars?

Hell yes.

- You can stay as long
as you want, by the way.

I don't mind.

- For real?

- Yeah.

I mean, I couldn't keep paying you,

but if you're into roofs and hot showers,

I do like having you here and, who knows?

Maybe you'll like it so
much, you wanna stay.

I can make us breakfast.

- Do you have ice cream?

- Ooh, no.

Okay, so I forgot that I'm broke right now

and there's no food.

So there's no breakfast.

But you can still stay.

- You know groceries are like
super easy to steal, right?

- I did not know that.

- Two words: self-checkout.

So you actually just
print barcodes at home,

and then you don't wanna
do mom and pop shops

because then you get
the whole guilt thing.

- I mean, that was actually
surprisingly easy though.

- I know, right?

And when you do it in this jurisdiction,

if it's under a hundred dollars-

Hey!

- What are you saying,
what are you saying?

- Mari, calm down.

Okay, this is Officer Bronson.

He is the police.

- That means nothing
to me, fuck the police.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What is your name?

- Mari Navarro, okay?

Look it up in the system.
- Can you just be-

I am sorry about that.

Do you remember me?

My name's Olivia Walker.

- Oh yeah, bougie girl with the break-in.

- Yes. That is me.

Have you had any luck with my case?

- Oh yeah, yeah.

It's still active, so I can't
discuss it with civilians.

- Cool, yeah, that's cool.

- You know, you can just
say 'no,' dude. It's fine.

- Mari.

- I'm working on it, I promise.

But I'm off-duty.

So if you have any complaints,

you can call them into the station.

Have a nice day, ma'am.

- Thank you so much.

- He's a fucking liar-

- Mari, come on.

- He's an honest man.

- Is that why you're asking
me all these questions,

because he saw me walking along
the streets with a friend?

- Not just any friend.

I mean, did you know that Mari Navarro

is a convicted felon?

- Well, that was unnecessary.

- Shut up, I have an idea.

- Do you plan on sharing it?

- Follow me.

- What is this?

What are we doing?

Mari, where are we?

- Just do what I do.

- Mari, what is this?

- Don't say my name.

- Mari, Mari!

Like, real quick, first,
what are we doing?

- Oh, also shut up.

That's important.

- Oh, what are we doing?

- Shut up, I said.

- Mari, Mari, where are we?

- We're playing the quiet game.

- Mari!

Shit.

What am I doing, this is so awful.

Oh my God.

Hey, so what are we doing here?

- Getting your stuff
back, what do you think?

- Oh, no, no, no, Mari, Mari.

I don't like this.

You don't even know what this is.

Shit, okay.

I don't wanna do this.

Okay, look, I don't
wanna steal from someone.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, Mari.

Jesus.

Mari.

Mari, Mari, I don't like this.

Mari, this is weird, hey!

- Oh my God, Olivia!

Remember that part when I
said 'don't say my name'?

Shut up and follow my lead.

- Why? Why are you doing this?

Like, I don't understand.

Why is this happening?

What is the point of this?

- It's revenge, don't you get it?

- No!

Stop.
- Shut up.

- No, stop!
- Shut up!

- Stop it, this is somebody's home.

- Shut up.
- Mari!

- Shut up.

- Shit, shit, okay.

I don't understand how
I got involved in this.

Are you kidding?

Known this girl for two seconds

and you're following her
into somebody else's house.

So stupid.

Do you know whose house this is?

This is the home of a police officer.

- Cool, right?

Thought they lived in caves.

- Mari, why the fuck are we
stealing from the police?

- I'm not taking a thing.

- Okay, I feel ill.

Mari, what was that?

- Prick needs to know how it feels.

- This isn't fucking funny.

It's not fucking funny.

How did you find that place?

- Oh my God, Olivia, how do you think?

- And did you ever think maybe Mari

was the one who robbed your home?

- Well yeah, I'm not an idiot.

- I swear to God, stolen
food just tastes better.

How's yours?

- Hmm.

- Something bothering you?

- Do you wanna play a game?

- What's this?

- Never have I ever.

You know the rules, right?

So we will each take
turns admitting to things

that we've never ever done before.

And if the other person has
done it, you'll take a drink.

First person to run outta shots

gets the next round of groceries.

- Okay, cool.

Who starts?

- I will like this.

Never have I ever been skiing.

- Oh, me either, too expensive.

Never have I ever driven a boat.

- No, that seems hard.

Never have I ever owned a pet.

- Oh God, so fucking sad.

Yeah, I grew up with a
wheaten terrier named Emmy.

Mm, the best.

This is hard.

Never have I ever peed my pants in public.

- Me neither.

Never have I ever lived in a van.

- That's 100% cheating.

- Gloves are off.

- Okay.

Never have I ever been so drunk

that I've fallen asleep
in the middle of nowhere

and woken up, no idea where I am.

- Touché.

- This is fun.

- Okay, never have I ever shot a gun.

When?

- My dad loved the shooting range.

So back when we talked

I think it was kind of his way of bonding.

Never have I ever liked to run.

- No, I mean, why would you?

It's gross.

Never have I ever dealt drugs.

- Define 'deal'.

- Sold.

- For profit?
- Yes.

- No, never done that.

Never have I ever tried cocaine.

Wild child.

- I had a bit of fun in
college, but it wasn't a habit.

Never have I ever committed arson.

- Jesus, I should hope not.

Although it does kinda sound cool.

Never have I ever cheated on someone.

Mm, little miss perfect
runnin' outta shots.

- Yeah.

Never have I ever stolen from a friend.

Who?

- It does not matter.

I got a good one, never
have I ever got an STD.

- When I got cheated on.

- Not a lot of shots left.

- No.

This is not going the way
that I thought it would.

Okay.

Let's try this.

Never have I ever broken into
a house in this neighborhood.

- So that's what we're doing.

- We're having fun.

- Just ask me what you wanna ask me.

I'm just playing a game.

- Okay.

Never have ever broken into
a house in this neighborhood.

Not even this one.

And never have I ever passive-aggressively

tried to get information out of a friend.

Oh, look, you're out of shots.

- Okay, look, I didn't mean to offend you.

I was just trying to win the game.

- Didn't mean to offend me?

Please. You're the least
direct person I've ever met.

Just tell me what you're thinking.

Tell me! I'm not scary.

- Fuck, I mean, Mari, yes you are.

Are you...

We broke into somebody's home today.

That's fucked up.

- Yeah, because he's an asshole.

- Who cares about him?

I don't give a fuck about
stealing groceries, that's fine.

But I don't wanna hurt people.

And if you're gonna stay in this house,

then you can't hurt people either.

- Okay.

I hear you loud and clear.

You should talk like that more often.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, no more hurting people.

- Okay, cool.

Are we good?

- Yeah, we're good.

Never have I ever pooped
my pants in public.

- I mean, I would never do that.

- Maybe when you passed out in the desert,

you pooped your pants and-

- I did not.

I would know, I was wearing a jumpsuit.

- Mm, just slipped out in the sand.

- I would've found it.

You might think I was dumb to trust her,

but I don't think she did anything wrong.

Why are you asking so
many questions about her?

- I just think it's very interesting

that you've been spotted
with a known criminal.

- What was she arrested for?

- Nothing good.

- Oh, God.

Hello?

- Hey,
this is Officer Bronson

with the local PD.

I'm looking for Olivia Walker.

- Yeah, yeah. This is her.

- I owe you an apology.

Yeah.

After a really intense investigation,

we determined that the
person who robbed your house

might be a repeat offender.

So we're gonna do a better
job this time, I promise.

And we're gonna get most of
your stuff back! Probably.

- Thank you.

Holy shit.

- Oh my god, Olivia.

You're actually a really good cook.

You should open a restaurant.

- Oh yeah.

A restaurant where all
we serve is stolen food.

- Yeah, I like that.

- Hey, when was the last
time you even had a hot meal?

- It's been a while.

Wow.

Your ex-boyfriend sounds
like a douche bag.

Oh my God.

Was there a rebound, at least?

- No, you know, I mean...

I prefer to meet people
the old fashioned way.

You know?

I don't meet anybody ever.

It's the life.

- Whatever, we don't need men.

We're awesome.

- It's true.

Women can bleed seven days
a month and we don't die.

Men can't do that.

Yeah, we make humans.

We are incredible.

We belong in museums, you know,

with a hall that's dedicated
to shitty ex-boyfriends

and an entire exhibit that just focuses

on how they manage to
soak the entire bathroom

every time they get outta the shower.

- What is that?

I go in to pee, my socks get soaked,

and all they have to do
is put a little towel down

and wipe it up.

I mean, it covers the floor everywhere.

- Like it is a soggy gross mess.

You're so smart to stay single.

- I might be married.

- I'm sorry?

Please rewind, you might?

How do you not know?

- I don't know.

I mean, it was a few years ago.

I just kind of left one day.

But I think he definitely
filed without me.

You don't need two people, so.

- Oh, I didn't know that.

- Yeah.

- You do have to tell me the
entire story because, what?

- There's nothing to tell.

I mean, his name was... Is Carlos.

And he has really, really good eyes.

He's wonderful, and I was young and dumb.

- You still seem pretty young.

- Yeah, which goes to show
you how fucking young I was.

- Fair.

- But, I don't know.

I mean, he was safe
and stable and wealthy.

And so I married him.

- So what happened?

- Oh God, it was fucking awful.

It was awful.

It was dinner and arguments and laundry

and dinner and arguments and laundry.

And I just, I hated myself.

I hated myself.

I remember distinctly this
one day I was washing clothes

and it was like someone
lifted off these cataracts

and I could finally see
clearly how unhappy I was.

So I got in a van and I drove away.

- You ran away.

- Yeah.

Yeah, but it worked out.

- Not for him.

I mean, he just must
have been heartbroken.

- Yeah, I'm sure he still is.

Me too, though.

I really, really, really loved him.

But I was...

I mean, I was dying. And
I just had to save myself.

- She stayed for weeks without a problem.

- Well, somebody destroyed
your life tonight.

Who else could it have been?

- Yes, thank you so much.

I'm so excited to be a part of this team

and a part of this company.

I'm gonna start driving
tomorrow night, I promise.

Thank you.

Thank you, yeah.

Wait, what the fuck?

- What's wrong?

- The IRS is charging me $600

for not registering as a small business.

- What business?

- I don't know.

I mean, I literally do
not have this money.

- I mean, so how bad would
it be if you don't pay?

- It's bad. Like 'double the fine' bad.

Why would they do that?

Why would they charge somebody more money

for not having any money?

That doesn't make any sense.

Like, what am I supposed to do?

Am I supposed to sell my car?

I can't do that, I just got
approved to be a driver.

- So just ignore it.

- That doesn't make it go away.

- You'd be surprised how
far running can get you.

- Oh.

All right, chica, I got bad news for you.

- Uh-oh.

- Mm-hm, yeah.

I think I'm gonna go.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's been so fun,

but we're not gonna be
hanging out anymore.

You got like your new gig and everything

and I really wanna get back on the road.

What, what?

Why are you surprised?

- I thought you liked
clean clothes, you know?

- No, don't get me wrong.

Your life has perks.

It does, but it's soul-crushing.

And I come out here and there's no signal,

there's no shops, there's no people.

But I'm so happy, you know?

Yeah, I get it.

I like have to get back to this.

- Okay. But what if I bribed you, right?

I mean, aren't you gonna
miss the ice cream?

- I'll miss you.

Seriously.

Seriously, I don't get along
with a lot of people and yeah,

I don't think I realized how lonely I was.

- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, this has been fun.

- Yeah, no, it's been fun.

- So where will you go after this?

- The desert, I think.

I kinda miss it.

I mean, for now.

- That's nice.

- Yeah.

- That's a dead battery, right?

- No, it's the engine.

- No, no, no, it has to be a dead battery.

- No, it's the engine.

A little light came on.

- No, it's not the
fucking engine, all right?

I can't afford to fix the fucking engine.

It's a dead battery.

Ugh, fuck!

Oh, God damn it!

Fuck!

Fuck.

- You okay?

- No!

No, Mari, I am not okay!

I did everything I was supposed to do.

I played by the rules.

I went to college.

I got the good career and I am fucked.

My God! I bleed money.

I am unhappy, I am broke.

I lost my job, I lost my savings.

My house fucking terrifies me.

And I can't even go to the goddamn doctor

because a fucking cavity
could bankrupt me.

Oh my God!

Fuck!

- It's not your fault, Olivia.

- Yes, it is.

There is nowhere else to place the blame.

I amounted to nothing.

- No, how could you say that?

Wait, why would you say that?

Because you don't have money?

Who cares? It doesn't define you!

- Then what does?

What?

The house that I don't
even fucking like anymore?

Oh my God, like what did
I do to deserve this?

- Nothing! That is the point!

It's not about you.

Stop blaming yourself.

The life that you were
sold, it doesn't work.

You're not a failure.

You're the opposite!

You survived inside a broken system.

And the fact that you're
still alive, it's a miracle.

It's incredible.

It's not your fault.

You're not a victim.

You're a hero!

- I don't know what to do.

- Okay?

Okay, I do, I do.

I do, I do.

I do!

Come with me.

- What?

- Look, you don't like this.

You definitely don't need
it 'cause you don't like it.

You say that the house is all you have,

but you can't even afford it.

You don't like your life.

Olivia, come with me.

- Mari, I can't just run
away from everything.

Okay, that's not how it works.

- I'm literally living proof,

and good living proof, I
might add, that you can.

- What if I hate it?

Where do I pee?

- There are holes all over the world.

Really.

No, listen. I would
really love the company.

There is so much beauty to my life.

Truly, I can do whatever I want.

I get to travel the world,

I'm constantly expanding my horizons.

But I don't have anybody, you know,

'cause everyone thinks I'm insane.

So if you're down, let's go
on some adventures. Together!

- Uh...

Yeah, okay.

- Oh my god!

You have no idea how happy that makes me.

- Okay, um, so where do we begin?

- We gotta get outta the house.

- You can't break the lease!

- Lou, I am trapped in a
house that's wrecking my life.

So I'm asking you
politely, how do I get out?

- Okay, clearly the lease
says in very big letters,

tenants may vacate early

if they pay a fee equal
to two months rent.

- Jesus Christ! So I have
to forfeit my deposit?

- Yes. In addition to the fee.

- In addition?

Lou! That's thousands of dollars!

That's like four months rent.

I can't pay that!

Okay, so what would happen
if I just, I disappear?

Poof! She's gone.

What happens then?

- Then Gilbert and Main
is gonna sue your ass.

Okay?

And they're gonna come for it hard.

I've seen 'em do it.

Look. Olive. I like you. I do!

No, you're pretty, you're smart.

You're fun to look at.

And I can tell them that,
but they're not gonna care.

Trust me, I know them.

They're gonna come for their money

and then they're gonna put
you on a tenant blacklist.

- I don't know what that is.

- It's bad news bears, baby!

You don't wanna be on it!

It tells all future landlords

that you are a risky little biscuit, okay?

And then they can charge you
whatever they want for rent.

- Why would you raise rent

on somebody who's already
struggling to pay rent?

That's not fucking fair.

- Don't blame Lou.

You signed the contract.

- Alright.

You know, there's gotta be
an exemption here, right?

Like because of the break-in?

- No, because the police report I read

said that you clearly lost a spare key,

which makes it your fault.

- Lou, you told them to write that.

- There's a third key.

- Where?

- There's always a third key!

- Show me the proof.

- There is no proof! Because you lost it.

So maybe somebody found it.

I don't know.

So if you wanna vacate early,

you owe us four months rent.
Plus the price of the key!

- All right. Sure you don't wanna come?

Last chance to change your mind.

- I can't.

I don't know how.

- Oh, it's super simple.

You just get in the van and
then we go have an adventure.

Get in the van! Get in the van!

- You know I can't.

- Yes, you can.

Let's do it.

- No, Mari. I'm not like you.

I can't just run away.

You know, I need
everything nice and perfect

so I can come back to it if
I don't like it on the road.

- But my life is awesome.

- For you, but you run all the time.

I mean, your only move is to move.

And for me, that's irresponsible.

I wanna fix my life, not escape it.

- All right.

That's just not gonna happen
unless you burn it all down

and start from scratch.

- That would be arson.

- I didn't mean literally burn
down the house. Although...

- No.

- It would get you outta the lease.

- No! That's super illegal.

- No, we can't get caught.

That's the trick.

- Nope.

- There's no clear motive.

Do you have renter's insurance?

- Stop.
- Why?

This house is bleeding you
dry and no one's helping out.

But if it burns down, you
don't have to pay rent.

And we can run away.

- We are not gonna do that.

- It'd be so fun.

- That's crossing a line.

I already told you I
don't wanna hurt people.

- Olivia, it's property damage.

Who cares?

- Oh my god! Mari, stop!

Look, I'm gonna tell you one
time: you are way out of line.

This is the end of the road.

I'm sorry that you thought

you had a partner in crime or whatever,

but I'm clearly not the
person you need me to be

so would you please just shut the fuck up?

- I did this.

- What?

- Look at this strong-ass lady

saying exactly what she feels.

I did this and I'm impressed!

Although I completely disagree

with everything you just said.

All right.

I guess I'm just gonna go
live my awesome life alone.

- Okay, well, at least keep in touch.

- Ciao, guapita. Te quiero!

- And that was the last time
I ever saw Mari Navarro.

- Was there any bad blood when she left?

- She seemed fine.

We left on good terms.

Look, Mari would never hurt me.

Unless there's something in her record

that I don't know about.

- She was a bad influence.

- Okay, but that's not illegal.

So what was she arrested for?

- With all due respect, this
is not our focus right now.

- With all due respect,
that is my focus right now.

That woman called herself my friend,

and lived in my house
for like a month, sir.

I need to know if I'm safe.

What was she arrested for?

- You call her your friend.

That concerns us.

- What was she arrested for?

What was she arrested for?

What was she arrested for?

- She hopped trains!

She crossed state lines on
federally-regulated property.

That is a felony.

- Oh my god.

- You're laughing and I hate that.

- Trains?

- There are laws in this country!

I enforce those laws! To
protect those train lines!

To protect us from
ruffians like Mari Navarro!

- You should put her on a watch list.

- I took an oath!

You take an oath?

No, you didn't take an oath.

I have to investigate
every lead in this case,

that you laugh at, this
case! It's my responsibility.

Do you understand?

Then tell me what happened next.

- I tried to make rent.

Officer Bronson, do you have a second?

- Hey, look who it is! Fancy girl.

- We need to talk.

- Haven't we talked enough?

- No!

I need to make money.

- We can't do this without HR.

- Please, I need help.

- I'm trying, but we can't find a lead.

- I know that you're lying.

- What do you want?

- A job.

I'll work off the books.

I won't ask for benefits
or raises or anything.

- There's nothing in the budget for that.

- How hard did you look?

- As hard as I could.

But there's no security
cameras near your house.

- I could sue you, you know.

- Come on.

You know you can't afford
a better lawyer than mine.

- Why won't anyone help me?

- It's not my problem.

- It's not my problem.

- It's not my problem.

- Well, I'm sure that Officer
Bronson did his very best.

And you know, we really
only solve 4% of burglars.

- Those are not good odds.

- It's better than nothing.

And I still wanna call in Mari Navarro.

Do you have any idea
where we can find her?

- She lives off-grid.

I'd be surprised if any
of us ever saw her again.

- Hey! What are you doing here?

- I wanna burn down the house.

- Can you repeat that?

- I said she was my friend.

Friends don't hurt each other.

- Are you for real?

- Yeah.

I do have a plan. But I need your help.

- Fuck yes.

- And around now is when you
first reported the gas leak?

- Yeah.

Oh! I have footage.

- Olive. So glad you called.

- Thank you so much for coming.

- Absolutely.

- I was so scared.

- These gas leaks are no joke, baby.

I would be remiss in my duties
if I didn't come over here

and sniff it out myself.

So where is it?

- Over by the stove.

- Ah. That makes sense.

Good, good, good, good, good.

It's only gonna take a minute.

Just gotta come in here
and sniff out every corner.

You know, methane's actually odorless.

That's what makes it so dangerous.

And it was actually the gas company

that came along later and
added the sulfur compound

to make it smell like rotten eggs.

- Oh.

- I personally like the smell.

Anyways, that's not
what I'm smelling here.

I'm smelling, except
for maybe some incense

or... Are you wearing perfume?

- I am!

Yeah, do you like it?

- I do. I like it a lot.

- Thank you.

Wait, so you don't think
that there's a problem?

I just could have sworn that I smelled gas

when I turned on the oven.

- That's because it's a gas oven.

- Right, of course.

- You're gonna smell gas.

Sometimes when you click
these little things here,

a little gas comes out
before the flame hits it,

so that could be what
you're smelling again.

But I'm...

- Oh, hello.

- Lou, I'm so sorry.

I hate to think I made you
come all the way out here

just for no reason.

- Well, that's what happens

when you don't have a man around.

- Is that a service that
Gilbert and Main can provide?

- We could. We could.

- Lou, while I have you here,

do you mind just checking
the rest of the house for me?

Just for my own peace of mind?

I would be so grateful.

- Absolutely, whatever you want.

- And do you mind if I film it?

Just so I know where
to look in the future?

- So all you have to
do is just sniff here.

Sniff over here.

That's literally the only
way to check for gas leaks.

Did I teach you something new?

- And this is just a few days ago?

- Yeah. I think it's timestamped.

- She has footage of you
checking the house for gas leaks?

- There wasn't a problem.

That was fun.

I mean it.

It's a beautiful day.

More beautiful 'cause of you.

- Thank you, so sorry to
have wasted your time.

- No, no, no, no, no.

You can call me anytime.

I mean that, really.

- Actually, you know, you once mentioned

that there were other
ways I could make payments

if I was a little short on cash.

I was just wondering if
that was still an option.

- How about we talk about it over dinner?

- I'd like that.

- I like you.

Toodles.

- Bye.

- And were you aware that Gilbert and Main

specifically prohibits romantic
or sexual relationships

between tenants and employees?

- No! Was that in the lease?

A toast. To the landlords.

- May they burn in hell.

- And on earth.

- Damn, girl.

- Let's have some fun.

- So my notes say that you
left the house at 8:00 PM.

Did you smell gas heading out?

- Of course.

- And you didn't tell
your property manager?

- No. I didn't wanna sound like an idiot.

- This doesn't look good for you.

- Oh, what are you, 'Murder She Wrote'?

Welcome to Chateau Lou!

Please make yourself at home.

Do you mind taking your shoes off?

- No, thank you.

- Okay.

Hope you're not lactose intolerant.

Had the girl fixed up
a little charcuterie.

Ooh, prosciutto.

- Lights, dim.

Light dim.

Dim the lights.

Kitchen light dim.

A little mood lighting.

Hope you like really good wine.

So what should we toast to?

- To the landlords. For
bringing us together.

- To Gilbert and Main.

You're not supposed to, okay.

Do you like my place?

- It's expensive.

- Yeah, I own it.

I own the one across the street too.

You wanna see it?

- Honestly, I'm good.

Like, I don't care about any of this.

Your house, your paycheck,
your stupid cheese.

Like none of this matters.

- Okay, I thought you
liked expensive things.

My bad.

- I mean, I used to. But things change.

- I like stuff.

I have a lot of stuff.

- Good for you.

But what did you do to deserve two houses

when some people can't afford one?

- Property is natural.

Even bears have territory.

- Yeah, but a bear fights for it.

What was your fight?

Did you kick and claw and bite and scream?

Or did you get a loan
straight from your parents?

Did daddy help you out?

I think we all deserve the
chance to make a good life.

And that just isn't happening.

But I wanna fight until it's true.

- You're not fun.

- That's too bad. 'Cause
I'm having a fucking blast.

- So you leave your property
manager's house at 10?

- Yeah.

I wouldn't call the date
smooth or successful,

but my car is broken so Lou drove me home.

- To the gas leak.

- It was already burning when I arrived.

I spent so much time working
for the stuff in that house.

That stuff could have paid my
rent. And to watch it burn?

Do you have any idea what it's like

to realize your entire life
has amounted to nothing?

It's the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.

And bad things happen all the time.

- She's playing you.

- Is she?

Because we had reports of
property damage all over town

and it seems to me like a bunch of vandals

let loose a stray firecracker,

which burned down the house of
a negligent property manager

who ignored a gas leak to
sleep with one of his tenants.

I don't think the insurance
company's gonna like that.

You'd be better off dropping the charges.

- What if Gilbert and Main
ups their annual donation?

Will that help?

- Sorry Lou, but I feel for this girl.

You ever been broken into?

It fucking sucks.

- Well, lookie here. My favorite tenant.

- Lou! What are you doing here?

- I have a surprise.

Open it.

It is your security
deposit. Two months rent.

We are legally required
to refund a deposit

if the tenant doesn't damage the house.

And given that there is
no house, that is yours.

- Huh.

- 'Huh' is right.

It worked out for you, didn't it?

And your ex! Half of that is his.

- Oh, believe me.

He'll get every cent that he's owed.

- Listen, I hope you won't
tell Gilbert and Main

about our little get-together.

- No. I wouldn't want
you to lose your job.

I'll remember this.

- Hey, Olivia.

Are you happy the house burned down?

- No. But it's the only thing
that solved my problems.

So if you don't like it,
find a better solution.

- Are we good?

- Yeah, we're good.