Original subtitles

Hey, Dad, I'm doing a children's book reading

at Maya's school next week. Love for you to be there.

(footsteps approaching)

You had me at "Maya."

I will be there or be square. (laughs)

What in the Hair Club for Men?

Dad, what's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

Daddio is going on a date.

I signed up for this dating app

called "Outta My League."

I thought you and Ivy had something going on?

Yeah, we do, we got a podcast going on.

See, Ivy, she's cool, but I need somebody

with less baggage, someone with a fresh point of view

so I can go out to the disco

and get my groove on.

Well, I hope you have a time machine because, uh,

discos are not a thing anymore.

(laughs)

Well, I'm going wherever the kids go today

because tomorrow-- not promised.

Who died?

My best friend Leon, man.

Uncle Leon died? Yeah.

He was all alone, had no wife,

no girlfriends, no side-pieces.

No side-pieces?!

No nothing.

And I ain't going out like that.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Dad.

He was your ride-or-die. That guy loved you.

You know, when I used to get mad and bad-mouth you,

he'd be like, "Boy, you better be glad you got a daddy.

"I don't have a daddy.

"My mama was my daddy.

That's why she had that mustache."

That's funny, because when I'd bad-mouth you,

he'd say, "D, the boy just needs his ass beat."

Ah, he was not on my side.

Dad, um,

you sure you're okay?

I'm fine, look.

Never better.

Well, you certainly look, uh...

Yeah, younger.

That's definitely a word.

Uh, "insane" is also a word.

Oh, yeah.

(laughs)

You got a new phone?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Did it come with that?

Come with what?

Uh, the-the unlimited data?

Yeah, the dating app is installed right on it.

Outta My League, yeah.

Look at that. Oh, wow.

Ooh, look at this little tenderoni.

? Poppa's ?

? House ?

? Yeah. ?

IVY: Your dad just needs

time to process his grief.

Yeah, that's the problem, I don't think he knows

how to do that.

Well, I mean, dealing with grief

is essential to his mental health.

When was the last time you saw your dad cry?

Mm, never.

Yeah, he's old-school.

He and Leon came up in the streets.

Back then, if you cried, Leon would be like,

"You better keep them tears in,

and get that prostate cancer like a man."

Hey, what up, Reedy Reed?

What in the Al Sharpton--?

What is that on your--?

Ix-nay on the ig-way.

I was just at the boxing gym,

practicing my bob and weave.

Oh, he got the "weave" part down.

Uh, so you're boxing now?

Yeah, you know what they say.

Death can't hit a moving target.

Now you see me. (exhales)

Now you don't.

Bam! Take that, death.

(laughs)

And speaking of moving,

let's get to this podcast.

'Cause I want to drop some knowledge

on how I've tapped into the fountain of youth.

See what I'm talking about?

All right, well, just give him some time, it'll go away.

I don't know, right now it looks like

it's hair to stay.

You say something? Hmm?

No, nothing.

Just don't say anything about the doo.

Do what? Do-- you're doing a great job

at the podcast, Dad.

Yeah, yeah, our-our numbers are up.

Lots of things to plug.

Excuse me? Say something?

Okay, party people.

Today's episode, we gonna talk about

dipping into the fountain of youth

so you can dip in them honey dips.

(laughs)

And guess what, y'all?

Your boy got a hot date tonight.

Lola is her name.

(laughs)

And I don't want to brag,

but she's a human.

Well, listen up, y'all.

Who out there thinks Poppa gonna

bust the slob on the first date?

We'll take some calls

after this sponsor.

"Bust the slob"?

Yeah.

What does that even mean?

Hey, if you don't know,

you better ask somebody.

Listen.

I'm gonna go get a juicey box.

You want one?

JUNIOR: My dad is still in denial

about Leon passing.

How are you feeling?

You were pretty close with Leon too, right?

Yeah, I mean, he taught me how to play basketball,

how to ride a bike,

tie my shoes.

All the stuff my dad was supposed to teach me.

I know how important he was to you.

Have you cried about it?

Nah.

Crying's not gonna bring him back.

We're all gonna die one day.

I'm gonna die.

You're gonna die.

Your mother's gonna die.

Your father's gonna die.

Your aunts and uncles are gonna die.

Cousins! Nephews!

All right! Okay!

All I'm saying is don't hold everything in like your father.

There's no shame in crying.

It's okay, baby, let it out.

Yeah? Yeah.

(voice breaking): Okay, um...

(inhales deeply)

Yeah, Leon was a great guy, yeah.

I remember one time, he said,

um...

He was, like, um...

when he said, uh...

(whimpers)

He said that he was gonna--

Oh, my God, I can't cry!

(Poppa laughing)

O-M-G!

You are so funny.

S-T-D!

You're funny, too.

(laughing): Stop!

Stop, you're killing me.

Okay, wait, can you be serious?

For one second, please? Okay, mm-hmm.

Do you have any kids?

(clears throat) No, uh...

I'm young and single, ready to mingle,

and I want to eat you up like a bag of Pringles.

Okay, Mr. Mysterious.

How old are you?

Let's just say I'm a hair over 40.

And I buy my skinny jeans

at the Baby Gap. (laughs)

(laughing)

Ah, they're so tight!

They're so tight.

I mean...

you are just so funny.

And stylish.

With the sexy hair.

(laughs)

(smooches)

I mean...

I can't with you.

I can't.

Well, I certainly could with you.

Mm.

Okay, cutie with the bootie, it's your turn.

Okay. Tell Damey a little about you.

Well, Damey,

I like swimming.

And skydiving. Ooh!

And helicopters. (gasps)

I love riding in a convertible with the top back.

Yes!

(both whoop)

(laughing)

Sounds like you like to do a lot of stuff

to mess a brother's hair up.

(both laugh)

Well, um...

(both moan, laugh)

Okay, I'm really worried about my dad now.

I think it's getting worse.

This morning, he posted this video

of him twerking.

? Pop a band ?

? Pop a rubber band ?

? Drip-Dripped up, man, tell her I'm the man ?

? Been hot, I done walked in ?

? You must be the euro spending yen in Japan. ?

Okay, well, have you been able to cry yet?

No.

I mean, I keep getting that knot in my throat,

but then it just goes away.

Okay, Junior.

If you're suddenly unable to cry at traumatic life events,

that's unhealthy.

You need to find something to trigger an emotional release.

Is there a song that makes you teary?

Yeah, but it's in Korean

and I don't really understand the words.

Well, don't stress about it.

We'll figure it out.

Yeah, and don't worry about Poppa.

He's strong. I'm sure he's making progress already.

(laughs)

What are you doing?

Oh... hey.

Lola loved my last outfit,

so I thought I'd borrow one of your hot shirts

to match my new skinny jeans.

This one's cute, right?

Yeah, on Nina. It's hers.

Oh, that's why my belly button's out.

'Cause I was thinking about putting an earring in there.

Young guys do that, right?

Some guys.

Dad, I'm getting a little worried here, you know?

Oh, you don't have to be worried, son.

I just don't want to be alone anymore.

And you never know when that grim reaper's gonna get you.

So I got to stay two steps ahead of him.

And you think the grim reaper won't recognize you

in a crop top and a toupee?

Exactly.

'Cause he's looking for an old, bald guy

with some baggy clothes on.

All right, just...

just slow your roll, okay?

Lola's my last shot

at happily ever after. Mm.

So I think I'm gonna ask her to move in with me, son.

Move in with you?! So soon? Yeah!

Oh, she's perfect!

She wants kids.

She'll be your sexy little stepmom.

I'm older than her.

Age is nothing but a number.

Yeah, in your case, 61.

Nah, don't hate the playa.

Look, don't you think this thing is moving

like, a little too fast, right?

Like, what is this really about?

Is the sex that good?

It's not about sex.

It's about having companionship.

Someone to walk through life with.

So you're afraid you're gonna be bad in bed?

Yes.

Besides, I told myself

the next woman I sleep with, that's gonna be my wife.

Wait, you're gonna marry her?!

You know, I didn't think about that, but...

thanks for your blessing, son.

No, no, no, no. I'm gonna go get a ring.

No, I think you misunderstood me, I--

I wasn't blessing that!

He's gonna marry Lola and have kids.

I don't want to be a grand-brother.

Marry her?

Oh, this fool done lost his damn mind!

That-that is very high-pitched.

What does that even mean? What are you talking about?

You want some peanut butter with that jelly?

I'm not jealous, Nina, okay?

Poppa is still in shock over this loss,

and he's not gonna be able to heal

if he doesn't confront and grieve this.

You mean cry? IVY: Yes.

I like to think of every tear

as a drop of pain leaving the body.

Well, we can't let my dad marry this stranger.

Yeah. Who's even gonna plan the wedding?

Not that I would even consider taking that job.

There's not gonna be a wedding, traitor.

Oh.

I mean, there's not gonna be a wedding, friend.

Yeah, you're damn right there isn't,

because I'm giving my dad his emotional catharsis.

I got a secret weapon. Old Yeller.

(gasps) Smokey Robinson?

Ooh! What? JUNIOR: No.

Old Yeller the movie.

Oh, yeah. Oh.

I love that movie.

I know. It's so good.

Hey, that's a great idea

because you could get a cry out of that, too.

I mean, if you can't cry at Old Yeller...

BOTH: You're dead inside.

(cinematic music playing over TV)

(gunshot over TV)

Dog dead yet?

Well, circle of life, huh?

Poppa, are you okay?

Yeah, why?

You don't seem okay. You know, it's all right to be sad.

(Poppa chuckles)

(grunts)

I'm not sad,

you're sad.

Poppa just needs a haircut.

You know baldness is hereditary, right, Dad?

NINA: All right.

Okay, kids, come on.

Go get ready for bed.

(sighs)

I for sure thought Old Yeller would make you cry.

I know. I...

just kept hearing Uncle Leon's voice say,

"That damn dog didn't listen anyways.

Reminds me of you. Get one of my belts."

? Arirang ?

? Arirang ?

? Arariyo ?

BOTH: ? Arirang ?

? Arirang ?

? Arariyo. ?

Anything? Nothing.

(sighs)

Damn it.

Hey.

Did you see how choked up he got when Maya

touched his hand? Maybe if we got him

to read a sad book at Maya's school, that might break him.

Or...

did you see how choked up he got when Maya touched his hand?

If you say what I just said...

Just hear me out, just hear me out.

What if we have Poppa read the book

at Maya's school instead of me.

Children, we have a very special visitor today.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fulton Jr. has laryngitis.

(strained whispering): Yeah. I would love to read to your kids,

but my words taste like blood right now.

And so, his dad has graciously agreed

to read a section from Charlotte's Web.

Well, I want to thank

all of you children for allowing me

to do this reading.

Maya, the book, please.

If you have a cell phone,

please put it on silent.

Oh, wow.

Everybody has one. All right. Well...

let's sit back

and enjoy.

"The children grabbed each other by the hand

"and danced off in the direction

"of the merry-go-round.

"'You have been my friend,' replied Charlotte."

(groans)

"'That in itself is a tremendous thing.

(choking up): "After all...

"what is a life anyway?

We, uh..." (whimpers) It's okay, Poppa.

Take your time. Let it out.

(crying)

You kids don't understand.

Charlotte was Wilbur's day one. He's crying.

They used to wear matching Kangol hats

and Adidas tracksuits.

(crying)

And then when Leon-- I mean,

when Charlotte...

...started drinking out of the spiked water trough,

it was Wilbur that put him in rehab.

And he stayed there with him

the whole time.

(Junior wailing)

(kids laughing)

I've never seen you cry before, Dad.

I never heard you cry before, son.

Uncle Leon was wrong.

Crying's for everyone!

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

(crying continues)

Lola. Yeah.

This has been

the most amazing

week of my life.

Mine, too. But...

(groans) I haven't been straight up with you,

and I want to be honest.

Okay, yeah. I want you to be honest.

I love honesty.

Okay, um...

I just lost my best friend,

and I was

trying to live life to the fullest.

Aw...

You poor thing.

Truth is, I have kids.

I have grandchildren.

I sleep with a CPAP. I pee, like, five times a night.

These earrings, they're not real.

Hmm? (laughs)

Neither are the nipple rings.

I love that you're being so vulnerable.

And I don't care about any of that stuff.

Trust me,

I am not that shallow.

That's so beautiful.

Because...

...this is who I truly am.

What in the Steve Harvey? I'm out, grandpa.

(door opens, slams shut)

Please tell me you're not regressing back to the '80s.

Don't worry, I'm back to my old self.

I'm wearing this in honor of my boy Leon.

I get it.

You know, it's, um,

very common when you lose someone in your circle

to start thinking about your own mortality.

Yeah. Makes you feel like

that clock is ticking. Exactly.

Well...

your clock may be ticking, but

like a fine wine, you get better with time.

I like your rhyme, Clementine.

I'm glad you were able to grieve your friend.

Thank you.

Hey, what's happening, peeps?

Today's episode is dedicated to my late friend Leon,

who is now gone to the great beyond.

There would be no me if it wasn't for my G.

So, Leon, R.I.P.

I want to share a story with y'all,

so y'all can know Leon like I knew Leon.

One time, when we was little,

we were kids, we were graffiti bombing subway trains.

I was out there spraying. (imitates spray can) "Sweet D."

That was my name. Sweet D. (laughs)

(imitates spray can)

And then, I had an orthopedic shoe,

and I slipped out, it gave out,

and I fell on the track, I hit my head.

I was knocked out,

and all my friends ran.

Everybody took off running. (whooshing) Except Leon.

He lifted me onto that platform

right before the train could hit me.

I swear, I would not be here if it wasn't for him.

You know...

funny thing about me and Leon,

is we never told each other we loved each other.

It was just something we understood.

Now, I kind of wish I would've done it.

So, I'm-a say it.

I love you, Leon.

This one's for you.

? How do I ?

? Say goodbye ?

? To what ?

? We had? ?

? The good times ?

? That made us laugh. ?

Nothing.

(sighs) Damn it. Yeah, I can't.

Wait. He got it, he got it, he got it.

It's coming, it's coming.

That was just a funny thought.

Sorry. What?

Wait, wait, wait.

BOTH: ? Arirang ?

? A... (laughter)

You know what they say.

Death can't hit a moving target. Whoo!

Tell that to JFK. (chuckles)

(laughter)

? Walked in

? You must be the euro spending yen in Japan ?

? Every day I'm on the hustle ?

? Put in overtime ?

? Tell the chauffer move it over, I'm in overdrive. ?

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