All language subtitles for Father Brown (2013) - S09E07.eng

Hello, campers.

Rise and shine!

It's another glorious day,
and to get you in the mood...

The Sun Has Got His Hat On.

"Marche Funebre"
by Chopin.

Ah.. I'm so sorry, campers.

I don't know how that happened.

Come on, Mavis! I know
you can squeeze me in.

I can't seem to get it up.

- Have either of you seen Kitty?
- Not recently, no.

She was out all night.
It's not like her.

Why don't you ask Mrs...

- Mrs Chummy, I was wondering...
- Not now, Sandy.

What in the name of all things holy?

This is my new routine, this is!

When all the campers
are having their breakfast

I lay hardboiled eggs for them.

Well congratulations
on plumbing new depths of vulgarity.

Now...

who is responsible for today's prank?

Not me, Mrs Chummy.

Oh no.
That music really put the willies up me.

Well, whoever it is, it has got to stop.

We've got VIPs coming
from all over the country this weekend

and the creme de la creme of Kembleford.

We cannot afford any nonsense!

Who did it?

- Who made that monstrous thing out there?
- What is it, Jock?

What?

No!

Oh hello, Father.

Never had you down as having green fingers.

I'm looking after the garden
while Mrs McCarthy is away

and I hope that everything survives
until she gets back.

Where's she gone?

To Ireland, to visit her sister.

And it is only in her absence
that I realise how much I rely on her.

Still... everyone deserves a holiday.

Very true.
Oh, speaking of which...

Did you get one of these?

...An invitation to Chummy's Holiday Camp.

I'm intrigued.

Well, we're going,
and the Inspector and his family.

Should be a nice relaxing weekend.

Let's hope so.

- Cheerio, Father.
- Cheerio, Sergeant.

Hello campers. Rise and shine.

And what a load of frolics
we have for you today.

At 11 o'clock,
our ever-popular knobbly knees competition

followed by an Egyptian cabaret.

Something for everyone,
whether you like Egypt... or knees.

But it was twenty years ago

my late husband, Charlie and I,
built this camp.

And tonight we are having a gala
celebration with stars old and new.

So come along
and let the memories come flooding back.

# We are all chums at Chummy's #
Yes.

# Loyal to the end #

# Come here as a stranger #

# And you'll go home... #
Good morning, everybody.

Good morning, Mrs Chummy.

Now, as you know, today is our anniversary.

Sorry I'm late.

I was helping a lost child.

Really? Well it's a pity you didn't
get lost yourself, but never mind.

As I was saying,
today is our anniversary

so there must be no more pranks
or any kind of silliness.

Yes, Mrs Chummy. Woof, Mrs Chummy.

So, Sandy will be meeting our VIPs,
if that's alright with you.

Course, Mrs Chummy.

Which means that you will be in charge
of the knobbly knees competition.

Oh, Mrs Chummy, please.

Knobbly knees are beneath me.

I'm a highly-skilled entertainer.

Ha! Well, your secret's safe with me.

You keep your little wet nose out of it.

Mrs Chummy?

If he doesn't want to,
I'd love to have a go.

Friends, campers, countrymen.

Lend me your knees.

No!

Mavis, how many times?

The reason Chummy's has lasted so long
is because everyone knows their place.

And your place is at the end of this.

Morning.

How was your chalet, Father?

Quite sufficient for one night.

They don't really go in
for home comforts here.

They want you out and about, having fun.

Speaking of which,
I have to go and find the Inspector.

I'll see you later, Father.

Father Brown.

- Hello.
- I'm Sandy. Sandy Beauchamp.

And I've come to show you
the Island of Dreams.

- You must be a, erm...
- Orangecoat.

- Oh yes!
- Yes.

Of course.

- Is it fun?
- - Oh yeah. Every day is so exciting.

Some days it's quite hard
to finish my breakfast.

And what would you say
was the secret of Chummy's' success?

Uh, variety.

Everywhere you go,
there's a new gay adventure.

So, shall I take you to the lady
who made it all happen?

Hello, campers.

It's knobbly knees time.

So, whether your knees are bonny or bony

bring them along
to our magnificent outdoor pool.

Oh! Father Brown!
Oo-ooh. Our illustrious guest.

I was most surprised to be invited.

Oh, I've always been
very interested in the Church.

The liturgy, the traditions.

You're very welcome at mass tomorrow.

I said I was interested.
I didn't say I was obsessed.

But it's so nice to have you here.

Allow me to give you the grand tour.

Now, my husband Charlie
was one of the big nobs

of the entertainment industry.

But so many of his childhood holidays
were ruined by the rain.

So back in 1933 he dreamed of a place
where the fun flows freely

and rain never stops play.

Twenty years on, here we are.

Later on we're having a little talent
contest if you fancy giving us a turn?

...- I know one or two songs.

- What about...
- - No, no. Not now.

I don't want to pre... judge.

This is a very special
place. Dream Cottage.

Charlie and I used to live here, I still do

and it's very much the beating heart
of the operation.

Mrs Chummy?

- I'm intrigued.
- Yes?

The swimming pool
is such a feature of Chummy's

and yet in 1938 it was a sand pit.

Was it?

I think we were just conserving water.

Mrs Chummy?

I... I don't like to interrupt...
Well then don't.

But I've just found out that Sylvia,
who was due to do the sports day today

has got a gippy tummy.

- And?
- And I thought maybe I could help out.

- I... I could organise the limbo dancing.
- Indeed.

As you're so good
at bending backwards for the guests.

But you are not,
and never will be an Orangecoat.

Haven't you got any floors to mop?

Yes, Mrs Chummy. Sorry, Mrs Chummy.

I'm sorry.

I do hope I didn't seem too harsh.

It did, a bit.

Well, I apologise, but here at Chummy's
we have to run a very tight ship

which is why our trophy cabinet
is simply groaning with awards.

This is someone's idea of a joke!

Mavis!

Mavis!

Yes, Mrs Chummy?

Will you get rid of this?

Roll up! Roll up!

Who wants to roll up their trouser legs?
Expose their knees to the breeze?

Come on, sir, it's just a bit of fun.

I fail to see the appeal of naked kneecaps.

Ah! First prize is a barrel of beer.

John, hold my coat.

Inspector.

Padre!

Don't tell me it's a mortal sin
to expose one's kneecaps.

On the contrary.

The Bible is clear.

One should not hide one's light
under a bushel.

Very droll.

Right.

Let's get 'em lined up by the...

tedium.

Stadium.

- Is everything alright, mate?
- No, it's not.

I didn't wanna do this.

And that's far too close to the edge!

Where's Mavis?

- She's supposed to be supervising.
- Mavis?

What are you talking about?

Is everything tickety-boo?

Jock's just having a moment.

Uh, you take over the competition,
and Jock, come with me.

I want a word with you.

Mind if I join you?

It's a free country.

How did you get on
in the knobbly knees contest, Inspector?

Go on, sir. Don't be modest.

Third prize.

Mrs McCarthy may have found fame
with her scones

but I have won a prize for my patella.

# We're off to Egypt #

# Underneath the desert sun #

# No place like Egypt #

# Far away from everyone #

# So we say farewell to Chummy's #

# Heading for the land of mummies #

# We're off to Egypt #

# Come along and join the fun #

So, here I am.

On the trail of the rootin' tootin' kahmun.

...- But what's that sound?

Is it my black pudding
coming back to haunt me?

Look who it is! It's...

Well, I'm sorry, uh, ladies and gentlemen.

I, um...

- Sorry.
- Look who it is!

It's Uncle Jock!

But he's not gonna help.

He's all wrapped up.

Well, wasn't that fun, everybody?

But yummy, yummy, yummy

there's a rumbling in my tummy.

Thank goodness it's time for...

Kembleford police.
Everyone stay right where you are.

Mrs Chummy, are you alright?

Mrs Chummy?

- Mrs Chummy?
- Move out the way, please.

- Oh!
- Oh, Mrs Chummy I...

- On...
- Just take some deep breaths.

- You'll be alright.
- Poor do-do.

There must be a homicidal maniac about!

Perhaps we should turn off the microphone.

Requiem aeternam dona ei.

Domine, et lux perpetua luceat er.

Offerentes eam in conspectu Altissimi.

Amen.

Finally. You can go now, Padre.

She's been strangled.

I'm well aware of that, thank you.

And on the 20th anniversary
of her husband's creation.

And you think the date is significant?

Indeed I do.

Earlier today, I saw a clown statue
dressed as the Grim Reaper.

It now looks as if it was a prophecy.

Oh Lord.
Oh blessed David and all the saints.

- I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.
- They'll put us under police protection.

If there is someone out there.

Oh, it's you.

Now, I have to ask...

are you the real thing
or is this fancy dress?

The real thing.

At least, I try my best.

Any sign of the Inspector?

Uh, he's talking to Jock.

- Who'll be telling him theatrical anecdotes.
- Oh, well he'll be gone till doomsday.

I understand Mr McCudgeon
was here from the very beginning?

Yeah, that's right.

And he's always saying
that he's gonna be here

till Old Father Time
brings down the curtain.

Well, that won't be possible now, will it?

Chummy's will have to close.

No!

We can't close. We're booked solid
till the end of the season.

We've got the big show tonight!

The show must go on.

Yeah, I think so. There are people
coming from all over the country.

- Sergeant?
- Not now, Father.

Someone seems in a bit of a hurry.

Hello, everyone. Tea? Coffee? Ovaltine?

Mavis, what are you doing here?

What do you mean?

The police told us to sit here
and wait to be interviewed.

Yeah, but they've done me, so I
thought I'd give out some refreshments.

Is that wise?

What?

You're not suggesting
that I'm trying to poison people?

- No, I never said that.
- - They spoke to me first.

They let me go. They know I'm innocent.

- Mavis Jug?
- Yes?

I'm arresting you on suspicion
of the murder of Mrs Marjorie Chummy.

No!

You're not obliged to say anything

but anything you do say
may be given in evidence.

This is madness! I'm innocent.

I'll charge Miss Jug back at the station.

You stay and secure the crime scene.

I'm taken aback, Sergeant.

That was a brutal strangulation.

And Mavis seems like such a gentle soul.

We've just been searching her lodgings.

Found the murder weapon, Father.

How did she have time
to go back to her lodgings?

Well, she was the only one in the area
when the crime took place.

Why be so foolish?

Why choose a time
when everyone else has a perfect alibi?

Unless that was the idea.

So, Mrs Chummy's death was broadcast.

But how do we know it was live?

Uh, because we heard it.

"Yummy, yummy, yummy,
there's a rumbling in my tummy."

She must have said that every day.

What if the Killer
recorded it on another day

and then added the sounds of strangulation?

They'd still need to be here
to turn it on, Father.

If the recording was at the end of the reel

the killer could have murdered Mrs Chummy,
pressed play...

and the announcement
wouldn't have gone out till 12:45.

But there's no tape in the machine.

Because it's been removed.

Presumably while we were preoccupied
with the corpse.

How the devil did they do that?

And how is the Inspector's
health and temper?

At the moment, I don't think
you'd mistake him for a ray of sunshine.

- Oh dear.
- Mmm.

He says...

there was only one person in the area.

Mavis.

One person with no alibi. Mavis.

And that Mrs Chummy was strangled
with an apron belonging to Mavis.

Although it is an unusual killer that
takes the murder weapon home with them.

He claims she wasn't in
her right state of mind.

I mean, for years she's been begging
to become an Orangecoat

but Mrs Chummy
would only ever use her as a maid.

I suspect the sheer frustration
caused her to snap.

I see.

Yes, I imagine that is a nightmare
of the Inspector's.

The downtrodden workers overthrowing
their tyrannical bosses.

You got to admit though, Father...

until we find the tape that the killer used

we've not really got much to go on.

I've got a horrible feeling the
Inspector may get his way with this one.

Although, we do have an advantage
over the Inspector.

And what's that?

Our ability to listen.

I didn't do it.

I didn't like Mrs Chummy,
but why would I want to throttle her?

Do you know anyone
who might have wanted to harm her?

We both saw that Grim Reaper earlier.

Oh, we've had all sorts of pranks.

Funny noises over the tannoy

uh, a dummy of Mrs Chummy
with a knife sticking out of it.

- How long has this been going on?
- Oh, about two weeks.

Is there anybody who might have born
a grudge against her?

I can think of one.

For the past few weeks,
Sandy's been looking after a stray cat.

Kitty.

But then it went missing.

Darling, I told you before,
pets are not permitted.

I gave you an ultimatum to get rid of it.

- How could I do that?
- I don't know.

Down a well, possibly.

Anyway, you won't need
to worry about it now.

Do you know where she is?

As I say, you won't need to worry.

If you have hurt a single hair
on that animal's head, I...

What happened?

I dropped my bucket

and Mrs Chummy told me
to sling my hook, so...

Why frame you for the murder?

Is there any reason why someone
might bear you ill will?

I don't think so.

I just do my best to keep my head down,
keep going.

Am I gonna hang for this, Father?

I will do all I can to prevent it.

Thank you.

So, how is she, Father?

Not good.

I think she has survived
her whole life on hope

and reserves are running dry.

I need to get back to the camp.

Well, I've got the day off,
and a full tank of petrol.

Good.

Let's go and see a man about a cat.

Uh, please take a seat.

Oh, this is, erm...

very, erm...

Small?

I was gonna say cosy.

Were you fond of Mrs Chummy?

Yeah, I thought she was amazing.

Takes a special type of person
to create their own magical world.

Someone who is utterly driven

and will stop at nothing
to get what they want.

I... I dunno what you mean.

Well...

you were overheard
having an argument with Mrs Chummy

about something that had been taken away.

Oh no. It's not like that. I...

Are you alright?

Yeah, I just...

I think I'm gonna...

...Oh. Bless you.

A very violent sneeze, Sergeant.

I'm sorry, Father.

Couldn't help myself.

Are you perhaps,
allergic to certain animals?

Oh... Oh, sorry. I
forgot to mention, erm...

Here, Kitty. Kitty.

Kitty came to live with me,
and Mrs Chummy found out

and confiscated it to teach me a lesson

but I just said, "If you've done anything
to hurt my cat, I shall resign."

What did she say to that?

She said, "Just keep it out of my sight,
and don't get any hairs on your uniform."

...So you know, if you
stood up to Mrs Chummy

then she respected you.

It's only if you were a bit weak...

she tended to bully you.

Who in particular did she bully?

Well, you know,
if I had to say someone, it'd be Jock.

You know, he does his best,
but he does get in a bit of a muddle.

And, yeah, she really used to pick on him.

You don't really think
it could be Jock, do you, Father?

I mean, he seems like he's in
a world all of his own.

Unless it's all an act.

And that's the way to do it.

That's the way to do it!

Mr McCudgeon?

What is it?

Sorry.

May we have a word?

Oh, yes.

Father... Green, was it?

Near enough.

Wanted to have a word with you
about Mrs Chummy.

As you'd known her longer than anyone else.

For more years than I care to remember.

I was in variety with her husband.

When they opened the camp,
I was only too happy to come and help out.

Mmm. Although, you didn't look too happy
at the knobbly knees competition.

Yes, well, I was concerned
about some safety issues.

Mrs Chummy asked to have a word with you.

Afterwards, you were very distressed.

You were late on stage for the cabaret.

Well, I was distressed.

Sometimes, Mrs Chummy...

overreacts a little.

And what do you think you were doing?

I was concerned
the podium was too close to the pool.

I did not want an accident.

Oh, there's an accident
every time you step on a stage!

It's the biggest day of my life,
and you've spoiled it.

No.

That is most unfair.

- I've worked hard for you all these years.
- And now you're a liability.

When tonight's festivities are over,
I want you out.

Oh how pretty. Look.

Oh, what fun!

Yes.

It does sound like an overreaction.

She was just a bit anxious
about this morning.

She'd have changed her mind
by this evening.

Anxious about what in particular?

Well, the pranks.

The anniversary.

Seeing old faces.

And old memories.

What sort of memories?

Ah, the children! My audience!

It's time for my 12 o'clock performance.

Twelve o'clock? It's half past three!

So, could he have killed her
in order to keep his job?

Or to keep a secret.

That's the way to do it!

That's the way to do it! Ha-ha-ha!

Where are we going, Father?

Dream Cottage. Mrs Chummy's house.

The headquarters of the operation.

You know, I've always wondered how
you gain access to so many crime scenes.

Have you?

Ah, well perhaps you should look away now.

This is very nice.

I'm clearly in the wrong job.

So...

what are you looking for, Father?

The story of Chummy's.

Or rather, the story that Mrs Chummy...

doesn't want told.

- Photograph album.
- On.

It's their honeymoon.

In Nice.

Strange thing to keep in a locked drawer.

Indeed.

Employment records.

"Jock McCudgeon."

Twenty years.

No complaints.

Yet Mrs Chummy seemed very keen
to let him go.

This is a letter from a theatre manager.

Mr Parnell...

asking about the availability
of Griff Grimshaw

to appear at the London Palladium.

Very prestigious venue.

And this is a follow-up letter

written a few days later.

"Dear Mrs Chummy.

Thank you for warning me
about Mr Grimshaw.

No, we cannot afford to have
a drunken layabout in our company.

I've cancelled his contract forthwith."

When was that dated?

Just over two weeks ago.

Mr Grimshaw!

There's no sign of him, Father.

Woah!

Hi-ho, Silver!

Mr Grimshaw.

- May we have a word?
- Well, I'll do my best.

But it's quite hard to control this thing.

I wanted to talk to you about Mrs Chummy.

Oh, yes.

I can't believe she's dead.

I never knew anyone so alive.

Will you stop that?

You do know I could have you arrested
for common assault?

Me or the ostrich?

I gather she wasn't
the most encouraging of employers.

Oh no, she was always encouraging us
to try hard, do our best for the place.

Mr Grimshaw, for entertainers like you.

Chummy's is the first rung on the ladder
to success.

Unless Mrs Chummy snatched the ladder away.

What are you talking about?

A six-week show at the London Palladium

which would've starred
a comedian called Griff Grimshaw.

Only, Mrs Chummy said he wasn't suitable.

She did a bit more than that, you know.

She wrote to them.
She told them what a useless drunk I was.

Well, not so useless

that I can phone the secretary
and find out what was going on!

That must've made you very angry.

Well I didn't exactly jump for joy.

And how did your anger express itself,
Mr Grimshaw?

I played one or two practical jokes.

You know, nothing serious.
I... I swapped a few records around.

Didn't you make a dummy
with a knife sticking into it?

OK, well, I thought it seemed
quite amusing at the time.

But I didn't, you know, bleurggh.

So, who did?

Well how should I know?

Oh she was always picking on people.

Jock and poor old Mavis.

She... She took away her dream job.

She told her,
"You'll never be an Orangecoat again."

Again?

Well, it was a long time ago.

When Mr McCudgeon became confused

he still imagined you were an Orangecoat.

He was calling for you,
wondering why you weren't on duty.

We were by the pool.

And earlier, in the exhibition.

I noticed that the pool
had been filled in for some years.

Why?

I try not to think about it.

There was a little boy
and he got separated from his parents

and he went to the pool.

It was being cleaned at the time, but he...

he couldn't read the sign saying "Keep out"

so he went in.

And he couldn't swim.

No one saw him till it was too late.

What was your role in all this, Mavis?

I was in charge of first aid.

I knew how to give the kiss of life...

only, I'd...

I'd just met a very nice man...

and he'd asked me back to his chalet.

I was only gone an hour.

But I was too late.

Was there a cover-up?

Oh, they did everything
to keep the place open...

- keep it out of the papers.
- They?

Mrs Chummy and Uncle Jock.

- Ah! Hello!
- Father Brown.

You know we're having a talent show later?

On.

Maybe you should rest your vocal chords
for mass tomorrow, Father.

Of course.

- I wonder where I might find Mr McCudgeon?
- Oh, he's just getting changed.

Erm, can I leave Mr
McCudgeon to you, Father?

I need to find the Inspector
and Mrs Goodfellow.

We're watching the big show together.

I'll see you there.

Mr McCudgeon?

Hello?

Mr McCudgeon.

How do you do?

Will you be disappearing?

Oh, no, no, no. This is a new trick.

I shall be performing it tonight
with young Griff.

The show about Chummy memories.

Not all of them happy.

The boy who drowned in the swimming pool.

Why'd you bring that up?

Because everything that has happened today

is connected to that tragedy.

Do you remember his name?

It was... Jimmy?

Timmy? Or...

No.

Sorry, it's gone. But...

I remember his face, and the...

terrible feeling I could
do nothing for him.

Where were you when it happened?

At the other end of the camp.

I heard the screams, I came running,
and there was Mrs Chummy

screaming for Mavis instead of
doing something to help the child.

The...

poor boy was floating.

I pulled him from the water, but...

it was too late.

There must have been a coroner's inquest.

I told them Mavis had
nothing to do with it.

She was detained
looking after another child.

Then they asked me about Mrs Chummy
and why she hadn't dived in and saved him?

I presume you told them she couldn't swim?

How do you know?

Photographs.

Secreted in Mrs Chummy's house.

Of her honeymoon.

Swimming in the sea at Nice.

If they had become public.

Mrs Chummy would have been charged
with negligence

and you would have spent time
in prison for perjury.

I'm not proud of what I did.

I only did it to keep this place going.

Billy.

That was his name.

Billy Fairfield.

Five minute call!

Thank you.

The show must go on.

Hello, everybody.

It's so sweet

to see so many old faces.

But tonight's show

is all about the lady
who made this place happen.

Dear Mrs Chummy.

Who welcomed us all

to her Island of Dreams.

# We're all chums at Chummy's #

# Loyal to the end #

# Come here as a stranger #

# And you'll go home as a friend #

# When you come to Chummy's #

# All your dreams come true #

# So come, come, come to Chummy's #

# We're waiting here for you #

Of course.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I apologise.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Mr Beauchamp.

May I have a word?

Uh, yeah.

How did you make those flowers appear?

A magician never tells.

No, of course.

In the radio studio, after
Mrs Chummy's death

someone made a tape disappear.

And watching you tonight,
I think I know who.

- No.
- Oh, Mrs Chummy. I...

Just take some deep breaths.

You'll be alright.

There must be a homicidal maniac about!

You used
Mavis's consternation as a distraction

to take away a vital piece of evidence.

I don't know what you're talking about.

And all for a boy named Billy Fairfield.

I presume he was your brother?

You see...

if you translate Fairfield into French,
it becomes Beauchamp.

And you must have needed
a new name to come and work here.

Tell me, what's your real name?

Andrew.

Andrew Fairfield.

Tell me about your brother, Andrew.

Billy was kind.

And he was funny.

And people used to say he was simple.

Slow learning.
But I loved him more than anyone.

We came here as a family,
and I'd never seen him so happy.

But then he wandered off.

And everyone said, "Don't worry,
this is the safest place in the world."

I cannot imagine the pain
you and your parents suffered.

They never got over it.

They died last year, 50 years old.

They looked 100.

So now it was up to you
to find out the truth.

I came here to work, but...

I only wanted one thing.

I... I wanted to ask you something.

Oh, yes?

Is it true that a boy once drowned
in the swimming pool?

Oh dear.

Who's been putting poison
in your delicate little ears?

One of the visitors.

Well, it was a long time ago.

But how could it happen
with so many people on duty?

Well, Mavis should have been there

but she'd just met a carpet salesman
from Droitwich and I'd had a long day.

But the thing is...

he was abnormal.

Mentally defective.

It was a blessing in disguise
for the poor family.

I know she didn't kill him,
but she didn't care

and that's enough.

So now you had two people to blame.

Oh, coo-ee!

You took Mavis's apron...

and went to the radio studio and prepared
to kill two birds with one stone.

And now you want me to tell the police?

To save Mavis's life?

I want you to save your own soul.

You love your brother

and if you want to be with him in Heaven

you need to do the right thing.

You need to give up
all thoughts of revenge.

No.

I made Billy a promise
to punish anyone who failed him.

Or who lied about what happened.

Right, then.

Now we place Uncle Jock
into the cabinet of death.

Are you alright in there, Uncle Jock?

I think so.

Get on with It.

It's a very tight squeeze.

Stop!

I think you should put down that sword.

It's OK, Father. This thing's retractable.

Right then. Here goes.
Straight through the heart.

- Alright?
- Fine.

It's not the first time I've died on stage.

Help! Get me out of here!

Can anyone tell me what's going on?

This young man can.

And I would ask you to listen to him
without prejudice.

Well, well. The garden's
looking rather splendid, Father.

Well, I think on balance
there's more alive than dead.

But I'll be glad when Mrs McCarthy returns.

Oh, look who it is.

Sergeant. Father Brown.

Mavis Jug. How nice to see you.

Oh, it's nice just to
be out in the daylight.

I thought I was gonna be stuck
in that cell forever.

And yet here you are.

And I notice...

I Know.

It's like a dream come true.

Congratulations.
Hey, how did you manage it?

Well, you know Mrs Chummy
didn't have any children?

Turns out she's left the holiday camp
to her entire staff.

So, Griff is going to take over
as head entertainer.

And... oh, erm,
Jock is gonna carry on living with us

but I don't think
he's up to performing anymore

but we'll look after him.

That's very kind.

And I wish you all the best
in your endeavours.

Thank you.

And we've got a talent show next week,
so if either of you wanna give us a turn.

Well, I do know one or two musical songs.

Oh, go on then.

# List to me while I tell you #

# Of the Spaniard that blighted my life #

# Falala #

# List to me while I tell you #

# Of the man who stole my future wife #

# It was at the bull
fight that we met him #

# We were watching his daring display #

# While I just nipped outside
for some nuts and a programme #

# The dirty dog stole her away #

# He will die #

# He will die #

# He will die diddly-i-di
di-di-di-di-di-die #

# He shall die #

# He shall die #

# I'll raise a bunion
on his Spanish onion #

# When I catch him bending tonight #

Wahey!