Original subtitles

Squad 51, available.

MAN ON RADIO: Squad 51.

Do you think that if a kid stuck his head in the fence,

the head would come out as easy as it went in, right?

Yeah, that's what you'd think.

No, I think their heads swell up or something.

Well, anyway, he's a lucky kid.

He's probably home right now having a great lunch.

We should be back to the station just a few minutes.

Marco's cooking today.

Marco is?

Oh, that's great.

That's beautiful.

Listen, if I faint before we get there,

just wave a bowl of Marco's chili underneath my nose.

I think I'll revive.

[beeping]

MAN ON RADIO: Squad 51, man injured at studio.

11800 Mammoth Drive, stage three.

11800 Mammoth Drive, stage three.

Go straight there inside.

Climb up to 1340.

Squad 51.

[sirens]

[music playing]

It's over there.

We're shooting a promo for Vic West's next film, "A Scheme

in the Wilderness," when this bear we were using

turned on, just went crazy. We got everybody out except Vic.

How big is this bear?

Oh, about 350 pounds.

You call the police?

Don't shoot my bear, please.

She's never done anything like this before.

- Is he hurt anywhere else? - No.

Well, the police are on the way.

But I don't want to waste any time getting Vic out of there.

Are you sure he's still in there?

- I saw him. - He was down.

Well, it looks like you're taking care of him

pretty well--

I tried to get the bear off of him, but--

He is going to go to the hospital, isn't he?

- Yes. - All right, look.

These are just some scratches.

She's pretty well taken care of them.

But I do want to go to the hospital, OK?

OK.

I think if a couple of guys went kind of quiet--

no big fuss, you know?

Would a fire extinguisher help?

Might scare her.

Aah, she's just a little irritated.

That's all.

Yeah, we'll go in and get him if he's in there.

Hey.

Her name's Charlene.

Charlene?

Charlene.

[music playing]

Charlene.

You got that?

If I forget, remind me.

Yeah.

[music playing]

[clattering]

Roy.

[music playing]

[sirens]

Maybe we better split up here.

I'll go around and meet you.

OK.

Well, you holler if--

Yeah, you too.

[suspenseful music playing]

Roy?

Roy?

Where are you?

It's a good question.

Where are you?

I don't know.

[knocking]

If we bump into that bear, I'm not

going to know which way to run.

Oh, that's great.

I was planning on following you.

Meet you on the other side.

[doorknob rattling]

Hey!

Hey!

Psst!

Vic, hey, you ok?

Almost.

Where's Charlene?

Hello?

[bear growling]

Every time I make a move, he goes after me.

Quiet.

Quiet.

I found the bear.

You guys gotta go.

No.

She's over by the coffee table.

You hurt anyplace else besides your leg?

Probably eating the donuts.

She hates me.

I could tell from the minute I walked on this set from the way

she looked at me.

[bear growling]

Watch it. Watch in.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Come this way.

No, over here.

Over here.

This way.

[bear growling]

Here she comes.

[fire extinguisher spraying]

Ooh.

[bear growling]

There's a ladder.

There's one over here.

Easy, easy.

I want to get it done first, all right?

Then you follow. - Yeah.

[bear growling]

Whoa!

Is there another ladder?

Yeah, there's one over here.

OK, let me go first again.

Watch that leg.

All right, quickly.

Easy.

Got it?

Yeah.

OK. OK.

Now, watch yourself down here.

It could be anywhere.

Easy.

Let's go this way.

Follow me.

[door rattling]

Oh, boy.

Watch your head.

[bear growling]

[door rattling]

Well, there doesn't seem to be any bone or nerve damage.

He should be all right in a few weeks.

Studio sending a doctor over, and we're going

to put him in a private room.

Can you stick around for a while?

He'd like to talk to you.

Me?

Yeah, sure.

See you later.

I was hoping to lunch before supper time.

Roy, how often do we get to talk to a movie star?

Yeah.

It will give me a chance to get his autograph

for Joanna and the kids.

Roy, that's not cool.

Huh?

That's not cool at all.

You don't just-- it's not cool at all.

WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER: Roberto Elmanzo.

Dr. Roberto Elmanzo.

Can I help you?

He's got to see a doctor.

Your name, please?

Gerard B. Hill.

G-E-R-A-R-D.

What seems to be the trouble, Mr. Hill?

I ache all over.

I think I've got a fever.

I feel crummy.

I don't feel so hot myself.

Would you like to have a doctor take a look at you?

No.

Think I'll just go on home.

Thanks.

Ted, thanks for driving me.

No problem.

Do you have hospitalization, Mr. Hill?

[men chatting]

Mr. Webster wants to see you.

Oh, right.

Thanks.

Two?

Hi.

Hi.

I've got to tell you, you guys are the greatest.

I don't know how to thank you. - Oh, that's all right.

We're just doing our job.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Anything at all?

No, it's like Roy said. We're just doing--

Yeah, he'd like to have your autograph.

Why didn't you say so?

Well, I didn't know how you--

He's shy.

You're the greatest.

Vic Webster.

All right.

All righty.

Look, I'm going to get out of here tomorrow, the next day,

and I'm throwing a little thing out at my place.

You think you guys could make it?

Thing?

Yeah, you know, food, drink, a bunch of people.

A little dancing, if you want.

Huh.

Any girls?

It's movie time, Vic.

Well, look I appreciate it.

We'll be there, OK? - Well, it's great.

My place out in Bel Air around 3 o'clock.

Give us a chance to get better acquainted.

- Yeah, OK. - Bring your wives, if you want.

All right. Thank you.

You're really something else.

You're really incredible.

Cool.

I'm cool.

Look at that.

You're the greatest, Vic Weber.

Come here.

You know he just invited us to a thing at his house.

You know what that means, don't you?

Yeah. Remember?

I just asked him--

No, that's not quite what he's talking about.

He's invited us to a Hollywood bash.

That's what they call them, you know.

I read it in a magazine.

Bash.

It's a Hollywood bash.

What room, Cal?

Oh, six.

Get him ready.

I'll be right there.

Thanks.

[music playing]

Pretender, huh?

Temperature's 102.8.

Do you hurt all over?

I mean, not just in one or two spots.

Feels like every muscle I've got.

You sit up, Mr. Hill.

How long have you had this rash?

Few days.

About the same length of time you've had that discoloration

under your fingernails?

Yeah.

What's causing that?

Well, it's a small area of hemorrhaging.

That bothers you?

Yeah.

Is it painful?

Kind of.

OK.

You can lie back down, Mr. Hill.

Carol, I want a CBC.

Well, what's the matter with me?

Well, I'm not sure yet.

You just lie there and relax.

I'll be right back.

That's bad, isn't it-- when they won't tell you?

Now, give the man a chance.

We have to run some tests.

He'll let you know as soon as soon as he finds out anything.

Yeah?

For sure.

Now, this is going to sting a little.

The way I feel, I'll never notice.

Party at Vic Webster's.

That ought to be interesting.

You know, you guys ought to meet a lot of famous people.

You know what would be great?

If you guys would get discovered.

What do you mean?

Oh, you know, like one of those producers goes up to you

and says, I'd like to give you a screen test.

Marco, those things just don't happen in real life.

But you know what would be far out?

If you met Monique .

Now, there's an incredible woman.

I'll admit she doesn't have a lot upstairs,

but oh, the rest of her, man, is beautiful.

I personally think that they'd be

better off getting discovered.

Marco, things like that just don't happen in real life.

[music playing]

Trichinosis?

That's right. Well, we'll move you upstairs.

We'll run some more tests.

But I don't think there's any real question about it.

Oh, boy.

Luckily, you don't have a severe case.

Wait till June hears about this.

That's my wife.

It'll be, I told you so now till the end of time.

Oh? Why is that?

She's been telling me for years I'd get trichinosis.

I like tartar steak, a good beef steak, raw,

ground up with a little onions, Worcester.

That's hard to beat.

Well, when's the last time you had some?

Well, let's see now.

Was right after we left the MacReady's.

They had a little cookout, just some hamburgers and stuff.

And I wanted mine raw.

So I took about one mouthful, and it didn't taste too good,

so I put it on the fire.

That was a week ago, last Saturday.

And next day, Sunday, I wanted some more,

so I had some at home.

Well, where do you get your meat?

There's a little butcher shop down in the shopping center.

Well, I'm going to have to notify the health department.

They'll probably send out a health department

doctor to talk to you.

I'll be right back.

Oh, do you grind your own steak?

No.

June has the guy do it at the store.

All right.

Thank you.

[music playing]

[whistling]

Hold it right there.

I got this great part for you.

Sort of a comic relief.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Very funny.

You're a laugh a minute, you are.

Being funny.

Stranger things have happened, you know.

Oh, I know that.

You kind of can't help but to think now, can you?

I know.

And if lightning should strike, I

want you to know that I'm always going

to be the same likeable, down-earth guy I've always

been.

You can have an autograph any time you want it.

Boy, am I glad Joanne's going with you-- keep you

from going off the deep end.

She's not going to that party.

She says it's going to be boring.

Boring?

Well, that just shows you how much she knows about Hollywood.

MAN: Well, to tell you the truth,

I don't too much about Hollywood myself.

What are you supposed to wear to a bash?

Glad you asked that question because I have

the answer right here for you.

There you go.

Tuxedo?

Yep.

Wow.

Guess we rent out some tuxedos, huh?

Yeah.

What else for a genuine, authentic Hollywood bash?

Well, let's see.

Dinner parties, soirees.

Are you kidding?

That's soiree.

Soiree.

It's French.

Soirees.

Soirees.

Soiree.

You know, I don't see the word bash here anywhere.

Yeah, I didn't either.

But I have a theory about that.

I figure that the word is just too new,

you know, for the public at large.

It's just too new.

[alarm blaring]

MAN ON RADIO: Station 51, Battalion 14.

Bomb threat.

1754 North Curling.

1754 North Curling.

Meet the police at Hastings and Curling.

Make this a Code R Response.

Station 51.

KMG 365.

[sirens]

You and Brooks, cover the alley, if you will.

Some nut has got his wife and her brother,

and they're four doors down.

Figure you've got dynamite placed all over

on some kind of remote control.

We better not use our radios now.

Right.

I've requested a full assignment and another squad.

14's and the 36's will be on that side.

I'll be here at the command post.

- All right. - You guys stand by the alley.

- What about evacuation? - Police are handling it.

OK.

We'll need a supply line.

What do we got?

We can go on down through here, at the intersection here.

Get the hose clamp going for me, will you, Stoker?

Well pull both our manifold lines.

Hey, Vince. How many people in there?

The sergeant says three.

DeSoto, get the bolt cutters.

What kind of a house is it?

Oh, one of those one-story jobs.

What, frame?

Wood siding?

- Yeah, right. - OK.

Thanks a lot.

We'll back out of your way.

Think the best place is on top.

See if I can get some help.

Can you give us a hand?

Give us a ladder on the roof, please?

You betcha.

Marco, Mike, throw the extension ladder up there.

What's going on?

I don't know.

We just supposed to sit tight.

You got it?

[sirens]

[gunshot]

Hey, you guys.

Fuzz, people, bums.

[gunshot]

What's he say?

Now, I remember a guy being holed

up like this once for two days.

[gunshot]

I'll be back in a few minutes.

You just relax.

I'll draw some blood.

County Health Service.

Dr. Frank Gray, please.

May I speak to him, please? This is Doctor Brackett calling.

It's urgent.

Frank? Kell.

I think I've got another case of trichinosis for you.

Yeah, and his name is MacReady.

And this may be a break.

That last case I reported, Jerry Hill?

This is the next door neighbor.

Hey, you guys.

You out there.

Come on. Get away.

Leave me alone, you hear?

[sirens]

Get away!

Get away from me, I tell you!

Leave.

Get away from here.

[gunshots]

Yeah, I'll blow the place up. I don't even care.

I'm going to blow everybody up. And I got people inside of here.

I'll blow them up too.

[gunshots]

Get away!

Leave me, I'll tell you.

Leave!

Get away from here!

[explosion]

[woman crying]

Serg, are we clear?

SERGEANT: Come on in.

OK, Roy.

[chain snapping]

I got it, Serg.

I'll take it. - Quiet, quiet.

OK.

Hey, there's a woman coming out.

You got it?

Yeah, I got it.

[sirens]

[woman crying]

OK. Sit down here.

Just sit down here. All right, now.

Just take it easy. I want you to calm down now.

OK? It's all over with.

It's all over with.

Are you hurt anywhere?

Ma'am?

Are you hurt anywhere?

No, I'm all right.

But Joe's still in there.

OK, fine. They're going to deal with that.

They're going to deal with it.

You just calm down, OK?

[woman crying]

- There's a guy hurt in there. - All right.

Just stay with her?

Yeah, sure thing.

It'll be all right.

MAN: What is this?

Well, must be her brother.

Steve, you got him?

Yeah, we got him.

OK.

There's another guy around here someplace.

- There's another one? - Yeah.

We can go in right through here.

BP 120 over 95.

I'm sorry there.

Marco, more in the door, pal.

Well, there's a shotgun.

There he is.

Stay and clear it.

OK.

You alive?

Yeah, he's alive.

I'll call Rampart.

All right.

[man moaning]

40% eosinophils.

Yep.

We've got to assume trichinosis, even without a biopsy.

Any idea of the source?

So far it's just a hunch.

County Health Services, please.

Thanks, Kell.

You mentioned a little meat market.

2316?

Sylvia?

Frank.

What's up?

Yeah?

Right.

Right.

We've got two more cases, both over at Saint David's.

Couple name of Compton.

Let's go see MacReady.

Squad's 14 and 51 are at an explosion, two victims.

All right.

If you can't find Mike Morton, I'll be in one.

OK.

Would you page Dr. Morton, please?

Mr. MacReady, this is Dr. Gray from the county health

department. - Mr. MacReady?

Hello, doctor.

I know you're not feeling well,

but we have to get on top of an outbreak like this

before a lot of people get sick.

I understand.

Now, your neighbors, the Hills.

Do they buy their meat where you go?

Yeah, they recommended the butcher to us.

But we haven't bought any pork in a month, at least.

Well, sometimes if a butcher doesn't clean his grinder

too well, contaminated pork can get

mixed in with the hamburger.

That's about all it takes.

You know a couple, name of Compton?

Dan and Edith?

Sure.

They live four doors up from us.

They sick too?

I'm afraid so.

Do they buy their meat at Otto's?

I couldn't tell you that.

You had a cookout, Saturday before last.

Were they there?

Yeah.

And you served hamburger?

Well, not exactly.

See, I was up in Carroll County a couple of weeks ago,

and I met this guy.

And I bought about five pounds of bear meat off him.

So I invited the Hills and the Comptons over.

And I didn't tell them what that meat was.

I thought I'd let him eat it and tell them about it later.

Kind of a gag.

I pulled the same thing on them once

before with some buffalo meat.

This time, though, it didn't seem to be going over so good.

So I decided not to tell them anything about it.

Hey, hey, hey.

I ground this meat myself, though.

It doesn't matter.

Bears carry trichinosis.

Now, was there anybody else there?

No, just the six of us.

And four of you are sick.

Well, my wife wouldn't-- she wouldn't eat any of it.

And Mrs. Hill cooks her meat thoroughly?

Oh, to a cinder.

Yeah.

Rest of us, though, we like it kind of rare.

Mr. MacReady, you've been a big help.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll contact the health department in another county.

They probably had some cases.

Maybe they can run the rest of the meat

down and run some tests just to tie it down.

But I think this wraps it up.

Thanks, Kell.

Any time, Frank.

I don't mind telling you, this is a load off my mind.

Same here.

Hey, Roy?

You ready for the big party?

Yep.

Got some tuxedos rented out and everything.

- No kidding? - Yep.

Look, if you run into Monique Morris,

will you do me a big favor?

And?

Yeah, yeah, the sex symbol.

But will you really took a good look?

Huh?

Yeah, I mean force yourself.

And let me know if you think it's really all her.

Rumor is that it was all done in Switzerland.

Did you see all the reporters and all the cameramen

and all the newspaper men that are out in front?

Must be a couple of dozen of them.

Well, he's in for a lot of surgery, but he'll make it.

Hmm.

Did he say why he did it?

Blow up a house?

Started a fire?

Tore himself and another man up?

He wouldn't tell me.

Good question.

[music playing]

Hey, Roy.

Roy.

Huh?

I figure I'll pick you up about 3:15, OK?

Party starts at 3:00.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

But nobody ever gets to those things on time.

I figure about 3:45 will be good, OK?

Hey, Johnny.

If Monique Morris is there, fight her off.

Oh, Kelley.

You're gross.

Hey, Johnny.

I've been thinking.

If Monique Morris is there, don't fight her off.

Chet, I wasn't planning on it.

[music playing]

Hey!

Thought you said 3:15.

Slow and easy.

Slow and easy.

Don't want to be the first ones there.

You left your tag on.

Oh.

Huh.

Well, I sure hope we fit in all right.

Yeah, once the ice is broken, we're

going to fit in just fine.

I'm looking forward to this.

[music playing]

Hey.

It's a four-speed.

[gate squeaks open]

Nobody lives in a house like this.

[music playing]

You see Vic anywhere?

No.

What do we do?

Let's go to the bar.

A beer, please?

Yeah, me too.

Thanks.

Where you going?

Now what do we do?

Will you relax?

Nobody's going to notice.

MAN: Tuxedos?

Are they overdressed.

Roy.

Roy.

Look at the guy at the end of the bar in the blue suit.

Lawyer show on Thursday night.

That's it.

I thought he was taller.

No, Harry.

That script's been around for over a year.

It's a guaranteed loser.

Hey.

How you doing?

I'm sure glad you could make it. - Yeah.

- Nice to see you. - Yeah.

How are you?

You got-- I see you got your drinks.

Everything's fine?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, listen!

Listen!

Listen.

I want you to meet two of the greatest guys in the world.

Roy DeSoto, John Gage.

They risked their skins to save little old me.

You guys can play on my team anytime.

Right, right.

Hey, that was a great thing you guys did the other day.

Harry's my agent.

How do you feel?

Never better.

I'm suing the studio, you know.

I wish you'd reconsider.

You know, you're jeopardizing a great relationship.

Harry, the point's in the contract.

They won't let me ride my dirt bike when we're shooting film,

right?

So they put me on a sound stage with a crazy bear.

That just doesn't make any sense.

Excuse me.

Hey, Jonesie.

Hey, hey! - Yeah, but listen, Vic.

Jonesie!

You know, speaking of bears, the other day at the hospital,

they were talking about all these cases of trichinosis

caused from eating bear meat.

It's funny how those things happen, you know?

Right.

Right.

See you around.

It's a great bash, isn't it?

Oh, you're those two distributors from Canton, Ohio.

We're from L.A.

DeSoto and Gage.

Of course.

I saw the last one you did.

Beautiful.

Really, a beautiful cinematic statement.

Oh, hi.

Hey.

Hey.

Well, I'm glad I didn't get the shirt with the ruffles.

Hey.

Come on in.

Kind of noisy outside.

Grotesque.

Oh, Vic's a nice guy.

He really is.

But he gives lousy parties.

Aren't you Monique Morris?

Mm-hmm.

Sit down.

Oh.

[music playing]

On top of which, I have the worst agent in town.

Do you know what he's done to me now?

He has locked me into a deal that you wouldn't believe.

Peanuts upfront.

Share billing.

And I have to spend the entire month of August

on location in Arizona.

I said, Glen, come on.

I mean, the costumes they put me--

in I'm going to look like a baked lobster by noon, day one.

Besides, who wants to spend August in the desert?

I mean, if it was a great script, maybe.

But this thing, it's some silly thing where I'm being chased

around by some psychopaths.

Well, it's that time to mingle.

Vic must have eardrums made out of cowhide.

I'll seen a couple of minutes.

Oh, you haven't heard the worst yet.

Hey, Roy.

What do you say we get out of here?

All right.

Look at this thing.

[woman screams]

[crowd murmuring]

Excuse me. Excuse me.

What's wrong?

What's the problem here?

Somebody hurt?

Don't get near it.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

OK.

No pulse.

You've got to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Can you call the fire department, please?

I just did. Hey, Vic.

Move these people back, huh?

Give us some working room.

Give him some air, please. Come on.

Let's go have another drink. Thank you.

Thank you.

Let's back up.

Thank you.

All right. All right.

Good, good.

We got a carotid.

He must have been in v-tach.

Yeah, I think so.

That's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

[siren]

Well, at the rate you guys are going,

you're going to save half the industry.

Well, I'm glad we get help out.

Listen, I'm sorry about the way

this little thing turned out.

Oh, that's all right.

I'm going to have another one next month on the 15th.

Can you guys make it?

Oh.

Well, we'll have to take a look at our shift calendar.

Yeah, right. But we'll let you know, though.

I feel a lot safer with you here.

[laughter]

- Well, back to the old fans. - Yeah, right.

- Right, Harry? - Right, right.

Take care, fellows. - OK.

You take it easy, OK? - Yeah, I'll take care of him.

All right. See you later.

Take care, boys.

See that?

Hey, you do know who was the smartest woman in the bunch,

don't you?

Monique Morris. You knew exactly what to do.

- Wasn't she incredible? - She got herself together.

You know, that's really going to ruin Kelly's fantasy.

You know that.

Yeah.

Are you going to go to this party?

Well, are you?

No.

Well, neither am I. I'm not going to that party.

You know what really is a shame? I mean, look at us.

I mean, we are-- we're in our tuxedos, right?

We're leaving.

No place to go. Wasting our money.

We're wasting our tuxedos.

No, no, no. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

This is incredible.

This is going to be the greatest evening of our lives.

Just take my word for it.

Listen to this.

Money's going to be no object at all, no object at all.

Oh.

Oh.

Can you give the guy a quarter?

I didn't really put anything in that.

Thanks a lot.

Just paying your buddy over here.

OK.

Thanks a lot.

Go down here to the corner. We'll get a newspaper.

We'll look in the calendar section.

[music playing]

[theme music]