All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s15e09 Dog Christmas Day After Afternoon.eng

? ?

[Gene]
? Presents! ?

? Plop some presents
in our little faces. ?

I'm too jacked up
to go to sleep.

I love Christmas!

Do you actually think
we're gonna get the Gamewhiz?

Well,
the Gamewhiz is the nicest,

most expensive thing
we've ever asked for.

Yeah, but that's why
we all asked for it.

Three kids, one gift.

We're almost doing them a favor.

I wish we could've asked Santa
for it instead of Mom and Dad.

I think he's in a much higher
tax bracket than them.

Oh, way higher.

But we did
some naughty-list stuff, so...

-Yeah.
-Yeah... -All of us.

Three different detentions.

That was bad timing.

The juice is loose!

? Bah-dah-duh-dah-dah,
dap-pah-duh-duh-duh. ?

Ugh! Oops. Uh, hi.

Santa doesn't give expensive,
handheld gaming systems

to three kids
who got three detentions

three weeks before Christmas.

Yeah, but I think
we made a pretty good argument

for the Gamewhiz to Mom and Dad.

It's like holding an entire
arcade in the palm of your hand!

In the palm of your hand!

There's a cowboy game where
you can just brush your horse

for as long as you want.

And rob trains...
if that's your thing.

[Louise] Here's a list of stores
in a ten-mile radius

that sell Gamewhiz.

[Gene] Keep up the good work
in there, Daddy boy!

Okay, let's force ourselves
to go to sleep.

We need to rest our thumbs.

Yeah, we do.
Okay, little guys.

Five more minutes,
then it's off to bed.

? And a partridge in a Game ?

[high-pitched]
? Whiz! ?

[Louise]
Open it! Come on, open it!

That was the last present.
We didn't get it.

We didn't get it.

We didn't ding-dang damn get it.

Oh, they look not happy.

It's like all the light
just left their eyes.

They're looking.
Pretend they didn't

totally disappoint us
in every way. Smile.

? Smiling. ?

? Family. ?

Oh! We got chocolate!
Almost forgot.

Hey, never too early
for chocolate, right?

I know that's true.

Aah, aah! Dark chocolate?!

Blah! Blah!

It's taking all the moisture
out of my mouth!

But thank you!

Oh, Sorry. I-I didn't mean
to buy dark chocolate.

I know kids don't like that.
I just thought it was fancy.

I mean, it is fancy chocolate.

Look, there's cursive
on the wrapper.

Uh, very fancy!
Like in London.

Hey, why don't you kids play
with the fun game we got you?

For sure.
Um, which one is that?

The Color-tron of course. Silly.

We know it's not a Gamewhiz,
but it's, um, got colors.

You like colors.

Oh, yeah, totally.

Uh, let's check it out.

Your dad and I both had it
when we were kids.

Uh, separately. We weren't
married when we were kids.

-Aw, but we should have been.
-What?

[musical tones sounding]

-Okay, Okay. Do it! Do it!
-Do what?

Uh, y-you press the buttons
in the same order

that they go with the color.

[chuckles]
Oh, you're serious.

Gene, you want
to get in on this?

Where's the screen?

Well, there's no screen.
Not all games have screens.

Not with that attitude.

[musical buzzing tone]

[musical tones sounding]

I feel like
I'm hogging it all to myself.

So, what-what do you do?

Oh, uh,
you-you press the buttons

in the same order
that they, uh, um...

Yeah. Yeah, you-you try
to remember the-the sequence

of the... lights.

-Oh, cool.
-Yeah, it's fun.

[musical tone plays]

I'm gonna go get more coffee.

You want...
you want more coffee?

-No, I'll-I'll come with you.
-Okay.

-Yeah.
-I'll take one.

-Pour some whiskey in mine.
-I'd have an amaro.

Oh, my God! They're miserable.

Well, not miserable,
but, yeah, dead inside.

The Color-tron stinks.

Why did we think
they'd like that?

Glad we didn't get 'em
the Hula-Hoop.

They knew they weren't getting
the Gamewhiz, right?

I mean,
we dropped so many hints.

Kids, I-I'm-I'm not sure
this is the best year for that.

You know, we had some surprise
things that, um, cost money.

Are there other things
you kids are excited about

that are not
very, very expensive?

I'm sorry, kids,
but it's just gonna be hard

to make that happen.

I think we forgot
our children don't listen to us.

Like, at all. I mean,
so much stuff broke this month.

The car,
the walk-in, your glasses.

All that stuff I broke
when I didn't have my glasses.

[sighs]
I should've been a banker.

We should have both
been bankers.

Bankers can afford to fix things
and still buy a Gamewhiz.

Aw, sweetie,
you'd be miserable as a banker.

'Cause you'd be really bad
at it.

Yeah, I would,
but I like lollipops.

Banks do have good lollipops.

? Presents ?

? Plop some presents into ?

? Our sad little faces ?

? Sad little faces... ?

? Ah... ?

[sighs]
We should go do something.

-Like what?
-I don't know.

This Christmas just needs
a little...

kick in the chestnuts.

-[gasps]
I know what we should do! -What?

We should go to Brookside Drive,

that street with the houses with
all the nice Christmas lights.

People drive down the street
just to see the lights,

and they go "Aw," and they feel
happy and Christmasy.

You really want to get
in the car and go someplace?

Yeah! It's our last chance
for a little Christmas magic.

All of us together, in the car.

Looking at the lights.

And the kids will forget
all about their crappy gifts

and how their dreams
were crushed.

Well, that is free,
if you don't count gas.

So, yeah, let's-let's do it.

There's my cheery
little cheapskate. All right!

Let's go put some tinsel
on this turd.

[car engine sputters]

Oh, come on.
We fixed you already!

-Why won't you start?!
-Tell it, Dad.

[sighs] I guess we'll have
to call the mechanic tomorrow.

I hope you're happy
with yourself, car.

Yeah, you're in big trouble!
No gas for a week!

[Louise]
Well, we almost did a thing.

Should we just call it a day
and try life again tomorrow?

Hiya, Belchers!

Happy holidays!

Whoa, you all look very sad.

Hey, Mort. Our car won't start.

We were gonna go to Brookside
Drive to see the lights.

Well, I'm taking my Mom out for
Chinese right now, but I mean,

you guys can borrow my work car
if you want.

Really? Wow. Thanks.

That's nice, Mort.

Or we go with you
and Mother Mort

and get all up
in some beef chow mein?

Eh. [laughs]

Wait. Your work car?

The one where
all the dead people go?

I call not sitting
with the body.

There's no body in it now.

If we find one on the way,

should we throw it in there?

Yeah. Get me a good one.
Take the keys.

Oops! Sorry.
In my head, you caught them

and said, "Great throw, Mort."

Do you want me
to get out now and-

No, it-it's all right.
Thank you.

-You, uh, okay, Lin?
-I-I'm good.

I'm good. Uh, so what if this
car drives around dead people?

What's the big deal
about dead people?

They're just sacks of skin
without souls, right?

That's not scary.

I like driving this.
It's like a boat. Look.

[all groaning]

[Linda]
Okay, okay!

No more! No more.
I'm getting a little queasy.

[makes retching sound]
No vomiting in the hearse.

Aw, lights.

Bob, I think
people are staring at us.

[Tina]
Maybe 'cause we're in a hearse?

[Bob] Yeah.
People are really staring us.

Did someone die? On Christmas?

Hi. Sorry... about the hearse.

It's just my family in here.

Uh, alive!
They're, uh, totally alive.

They're right here.
See? I didn't kill them.

-Mer-Merry Christmas!
-Well, I'll-I'll handle this.

Hey, bring us your bodies!
Just throw 'em in back!

20 dollars a pop!

Hey, maybe we walk.
Who wants a nice walk?

-No one!
-Come. We're walking.

Everyone out of the hearse.

Oh, my God, look at that house.
Oh, my God, look at that house!

Oh, my God,
look at that house!

They used
their Halloween decorations

and made
a Frankenstein Christmas!

Look at all those Frankensteins!

[Tina]
I always thought the Frankensteins were Jewish.

Hmm, maybe I've acquired a taste
for you since this morning.

I feel like
I've grown up a lot since then.

Ugh. Nope, nope.

Still bad. Ugh. [gasps]

Well, hello, you.
Do you live around here?

What are you doing
all by yourself?

I promise
I'm not hitting on you.

All right, I am.

Are you lost? I don't think
you should be out here.

You could get hurt.
Physically and emotionally.

Oh, do you want
some Christmas candy?

You can have some.

Dark chocolate's
not really my thing,

-but maybe
you like stuff that's gross. -[sniffing]

Ooh, you do like it!

You are going to town
on that chocolate.

Now will you let me pick you up

so we can get you back
to where you belong?

Don't be scared.
I get it- stranger danger.

But here,
have some more chocolate.

And now I just pick you up. Aah!

No! Wait! Don't run away.

I'm trying to help you,
you adorable idiot!

[whimpering]
Mom! Dad!

What's going on? Why are you
running? Are-are you okay?

I just found a little puppy
out here all by itself.

I think it's lost.
I tried to pick it up,

but it was scared, so I fed it
some of my chocolate,

but then it ran off,
and now it's gone!

Wait, Gene.
You fed it chocolate?

The-the dark chocolate?

Yeah, he loved it. Weird, right?

Maybe he's from Belgium.

-Gene, chocolate is poisonous
for dogs. -What?!

And-and... and I think
dark chocolate is the worst.

What?! Why would chocolate
be poisonous?! It's chocolate!

Gene, what have you done?!

You knew about
this chocolate thing?!

No, but now that I do know,

I would never feed a dog
chocolate. Are you insane?

[sighs] Okay, we need
to find that puppy right now

and help it somehow
so it doesn't die.

I... Uh, just so
it-it will be okay.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh,
my God! I poisoned a puppy?!

On Christmas.

-I know it's Christmas!
-Sorry, sorry.

-What do we do? What do we do?!
-Oh, okay, did you see

which way he ran off? Or-or she?

It's a boy. I saw his dinky.

He was just flapping it around,
not a care in the world.

And then I fed him chocolate and
he ran off across the street,

and now he's gone!

All right, let's go see
if we can find him. Go, go!

What do we do once we find him?

Looking it up while running.
It's not easy.

Yeah, even when you do
those things separately,

you aren't good at them.

Gene, how-how big was the puppy?

-Uh, this big?
-Okay.

And how much chocolate
did you give it?

-Uh... this much?
-Wait.

-That's bigger than the dog!
-He loved chocolate!

And he's not good
at knowing his limits!

He ran that way to that corner!

[Linda] Everybody look around
and see if you can find him.

-[Louise] Puppy?
-Here, puppy, puppy, puppy.

-Here, puppy!
-Hey, puppy!

-He's not here!
-Bob, what's your phone saying?

Well, it looks like we're gonna
have to make it throw up

in the next 30 minutes,
or it could be, uh...

-[Gene] What?!
-[sighs]

We're gonna need
a smaller hearse.

-Aah!
-How do you make a puppy throw up?

-Show it a picture
of Dad's back moles? -Louise.

Should we just shove a finger
down its throat?

Your father's finger?

Um, it says
that doesn't work on dogs.

Hmm. Hydrogen peroxide.

Oh, turkey baster.

Dad, this is no time to talk

about
your beloved turkey basting.

Get your head out of your ass!

No, Tina.
You fill a turkey baster

with hydrogen peroxide,
put it down the puppy's throat,

squeeze,
and then hold their mouth shut.

-Oh.
-Seems rude.

Where are we gonna get
a turkey baster

and hydrogen peroxide
around here?

I... I'm not sure.

Let-Let's just find
the dog first.

Here, little puppy!

I have more chocolate!

-What?
-[Bob and Louise] Gene. -No!

What? He likes it!

Oh, right! Damn it, I forgot!

Okay, he's not here.

Maybe we, um, split up?

Some of us get back in
the hearse to cover more ground

and some of us
keep going on foot

to check in bushes
and yards and stuff?

I call "not going
in the hearse." Who's with me?

I was gonna... go in the hearse.

-Same.
-Yeah, me, too.

It's got a heater.

And wheels that move you around.

And just a nice energy.

You know, minus the death.

-Tina, you're coming with me.
-Wait, why me?

Because I can't be a lady
walking around by myself

on Brookside Drive on Christmas.

-They'll think I'm selling it.
-Selling what?

-Christmas cheer?
-Never mind.

All right, it's been about
15 minutes since Gene poiso-

a-accidentally overserved
the puppy.

So we have 15 minutes to find it
and make it throw up.

Uh, I'm setting a timer.

I think my phone does that.

Here, I'll do it.

It'll take you 15 minutes
just to figure that out.

I'm old.

Okay. Call us if you find him

and we'll call you
if we find him. Go!

Not a contest,
but Team Hearse sucks!

Team Walking rules!

What kind of world is this
where chocolate can be deadly?!

What else kills dogs?!
Rainbows?!

Ice cream?! Love songs?!

Um, raisins.

What the hell?! Ugh!

As if this Christmas
wasn't already terr-

uh, terrific.

-Which it was.
-Yep.

Great Christmas all around.

Hmm. Well, uh, do you remember,
did it have a collar on?

No, just a red ribbon.

A red ribbon?

That must mean
somebody got a puppy

as a present for Christmas?

I thought
that was only in movies

and insurance commercials.

I didn't know
that really happened.

That is so different
from our life.

You mean
because we don't have insurance?

Dad, do we have insurance?

A teeny bit.

Oh, look at that house.

Oh, look at that house!

-Oh, look at that house.
-Yeah, pretty.

But, also,
should we focus on the dog?

We can do both.
Just 'cause we're trying to find

a dying puppy and
make it throw up doesn't mean

we can't still have
a nice Christmas.

True.

So, you know, if you get through
all ten levels

on the Color-tron,
it salutes you

with ten flashes
of the last color you pressed.

-How 'bout that?
-Oh.

Did you ever get
all the way through?

Oh, God, no.
You think I'd be here

if I could get
all the way through? No.

I'd be president of NASA
right now.

It's a... cool game, Mom.

-[Linda] Mm.
-[brakes squeak]

-Any luck?
-No. No sign of him.

We did get pretty cold
out here, though.

How's the heater in there?

Thriving.
I'm actually a little too warm.

Ooh, it's starting to snow.
What do we do?

I-I don't know,
but we're running out of time.

This feels like a good "inside
the hearse" conversation.

Um, guys?

What, Gene?

It's the puppy!

[gasps]

[Louise]
And I love him.

I love him more than all of you.

-Sorry.
-Same here.

-I love him.
-Nope. Not as much as me.

I also love him.
Not a competition.

It is. I win. I love him more.

Guys, stop. Let's all
just slowly get out of the car

and then calmly spread out
and try and catch him.

Not in a scary way.

Is this dating advice
all of a sudden?

Works for both.

-[Linda]
It's okay, little puppy. -[Tina] Hey, guy.

-It's okay.
-What are you doing in the middle of the street,

-you little dum-dum?
-Stay. Stay.

-Stay.
-[Louise] Oh, man, I just want

to squeeze your ridiculous face.

-Crap!
-Follow him! -[Gene panting]

At least we have our eyes
on the cute little bastard!

[Bob]
Oh, no, I don't see him.

He went into the yard

with the most decorations
in the world in it.

-[Tina] Too many?
-[Linda] There's never too many. No, this is too many.

[Bob]
Oh, God, we have five minutes to find the puppy

-and make it puke.
-This is like the worst game show ever!

Where is he?

[Tina] There!
He's in that Christmas tree!

[Bob]
All right.

Slowly surround the tree
like it's no big deal.

Guys, I've been thinking.
Who owns a puppy like this

and lets it out of their sight?

Also, this puppy
was a Christmas gift.

They lost their puppy
on day one.

-Louise, please focus.
-I'm so focused, Dad,

I'm just saying that the owners
of this puppy don't deserve it

and maybe somebody else does,
and their name is me.

Okay, I'm gonna reach in
and grab him.

[all shout]

Oh, I'm blind. I am blind now.

-Is he still there?
-Cannot see. No idea.

[Linda]
He's still in there. He's close to me.

-[all shout]
-Stupid blinking lights.

[coughs] Color-tron much?

-Tina.
-Sorry.

[Gene]
He's headed your way.

[grunts]
Oh, I missed him.

We know. We saw.

It was like slow motion
but it was real life somehow?

-[sighs] Yep. Thanks, Louise.
-Oh, look,

he's running into that igloo.

[Gene]
That's not his habitat!

There's no other way out.
That's good.

-Got to love igloos.
-But how do we get him?

That opening's tiny.

Well, luckily,
some of us are igloo-sized.

Get in there, my little penguin.

Hi. I'm Louise.

I'm your soulmate
and I'm here to save you.

What are they doing?

-I don't know.
-Hello.

Uh, there's a puppy
in that igloo.

Uh, my son gave him chocolate,

but, you know, he didn't know
that was bad, so...

-Did you know?
-Nice lights, huh?

-It's a little much.
-Got to love igloos, though.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, you are soft.
You are very soft.

I want to make
a sweater out of you.

-Um...
-Hello?

Hi, uh, we're in your yard,
and you probably

really didn't think I was about
to ask you this but, um,

do you have a turkey baster
and a bottle

of hydrogen peroxide
we could borrow,

like, a-as soon as possible?

Uh, I-I think we do.

-Oh, we have two minutes.
-[shouts]

Yeah, there's a puppy
in your igloo

that we gave chocolate to and
we need to make him throw up.

Stop telling everybody!

Also, it was
a really cute puppy.

Not that you should
only save cute puppies.

But it makes you try harder.

We'll go inside
and get those things.

I guess I hope there really is
a sick puppy in there.

-Why would we lie?
-Thank you. And hurry.

Eh, but don't fall.

We are bonded forever.

We are closer than
any two creatures can be.

Okay, let's go
make you throw up.

Damn it,
I forgot how cute he was.

Hang in there, little buddy.

We're just waiting
for the nice lady

to come back
with some very specific items.

-Whoa, that was fast.
-Well, we'd like to get you out of the yard

as quickly as possible.

-Here you go.
-Thanks.

-Dad, hurry.
-All right, I-I...

I'm just gonna, uh, pretend
like I am basting a turkey.

And baste.

[gulps]

Oh, no.
Did we just double-poison him?

-Why isn't it working?
-[stomach grumbles]

Louise, I think you might want
to put him on the ground.

-Oh, my God.
-[puppy retching]

That is so much chocolate.

I know. He loved it, okay?

And some tinsel?

Oh, great. Now that's there.

Good boy. You feel better now?

-Um, I want some of that.
-I'm coming in.

[retches]
Kids, that puppy just puked.

You mean our puppy just puked.

Ooh, I like the sound of that.

Should we talk names?
Ralph? Right?

Kids, we cannot keep this dog.
It's not ours.

But it's Christmas.

And Mom always talks
about Christmas magic.

Maybe Christmas magic
brought us this puppy?

-Oh, honey.
-Oh, that's sweet.

Do we have a plan
for picking this up?

Oh, uh, we will do that.

Can we borrow something
to clean it up?

We-we don't have anything.

Never mind. I'll just
cover it with a reindeer.

[sighs]
We're really sorry, kids,

that we couldn't give you
the Christmas that you wanted.

And I'm sorry
that I'm not a banker.

-Excuse me?
-Oh, here we go again.

But we can have
the Christmas we wanted.

With the dog. The owner's
not even looking for it.

[man]
Oh, my God, is that our puppy?

-Did you find our puppy?
-No!

Oh, you found him.

It's really him.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, oh- ah, he's going back
into the igloo.

-What?
-Louise.

Guess I got to go back in
and get him again.

Could take a while, okay?
Hold my calls.

What if it's your
business manager?

[Louise]
Well, put him through!

Louise, uh, I'm sorry, but you,

you really have to come out
of there with the puppy.

His, uh, person is here
to take him home.

Counterpoint:
she stays in the igloo

until this guy takes off
and we keep the puppy?

Or we all move into the igloo?

-Uh, no.
-Wait, is she really not coming out?

[Louise]
Just a second, I am securing the puppy.

Oh, gosh, you know, now that
I take a good look at it,

this puppy's hideous.

Are you sure you want it?

I mean, there's
probably better ones.

I'm sorry, my kids got
a little attached to the puppy.

Hey, I understand.
He was a gift for my daughter.

She's four.
I don't know how he got out.

We didn't even know he was gone.

And when we realized,
she just started crying.

[Linda]
Aw, your poor little girl.

[man]
Yeah, bedtime was tough.

But if she wakes up
and her puppy is there,

well, it'll be like
Christmas all over again.

[sighs]
I got him out.

Here.

Wait.

Here. Wait.

Okay. Wait.

-Nose to nose.
-Uh, Louise?

Fine.

Here. Here. Here.

Here! Just take him!

What's, uh, what's his name?

Lil' Bark Bark.
Uh, my daughter named him.

I have notes. It's fine for now.

[kids]
Bye, Lil' Bark Bark.

-Yeah, I don't like it.
-Thanks again, so much.

And Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Should we scoop up
some of his throw up

as a way to remember him?

-Ooh, that'd be great.
-Okay.

Tina, sweetie, no.

Hey, sorry, I should...

Uh, let-let me
give you guys something.

-Oh. Whoa.
-[all gasp]

-Holy sugar cookies.
-Oh, no.

Uh, we-we can't
take money from you.

Please. You saved our Christmas.

I mean, my son gave
your dog chocolate

and then we had to find him
and make him throw up.

Your dog. Not my son.

So, yeah,
y-your dog threw up over there

and right over there.

H-He threw up a lot.

Okay, well,
you've had an interesting night.

-Yes, we have.
-Still, you got my little girl's dog back.

And you saved him
from the poison

that you gave him,
so you're heroes.

-Please, take it.
-[sighs] It feels weird.

Nope, nope. Not weird. Good.

I actually won that
at the office Christmas party.

I guessed how many lollipops
were in the jar.

-I work at a bank.
-Oh, my God.

And this is what I want to do
with the money.

Hey, life is short.

Did you know there's a hearse
parked around the corner?

I just passed it.
Really made me think.

Oh, yeah, I saw it, too.
We didn't drive it here.

Well, I'm gonna walk away now.
Thanks again.

Merry Christmas.

So, what should we do with it?
Don't say "pay bills."

[speaking inaudibly]

There's your Christmas magic.

[sighs] I can't tell if it's
magic or if it was just money.

No, it's not money.
There was crazy cosmic

Christmas stuff going on
all over the place last night.

We stepped right in it,
in a good way,

with the lights and the hearse
and the chocolate

and the banker,
and now our kids are smiling.

That's Christmas magic.

I'm gonna start giving chocolate
to every puppy I see.

-We're gonna be rich.
-Gene.

Just let us poison
enough puppies to get

a little more money to buy
a few more games for this thing.

They're expensive.

[Bob]
No more poisoning puppies.

-[Tina] Just on Christmas?
-[Bob] Fine, just on Christmas.

[Linda]
Aw.

[Linda] ? Crazy
cosmic Christmas stuff ?

? It's all over the place ?

? Meow, meow, meow, la, da ?

? Can't help but step
right into it ?

? This crazy cosmic
Christmas stuff ?

? It's all over the place ?

? Meow, meow, meow, la, da ?

? Lights, hearse,
chocolate, banker ?

? Genie gave some chocolate
to a pup ?

? So we had to make
the little pup throw up ?

? Then a guy came along
and gave us a lot of dough ?

? Oh, and banks have
great lollipops ?

? Crazy cosmic
Christmas stuff. ?

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