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1
00:00:19,501 --> 00:00:21,002
With the stars...
2
00:00:25,841 --> 00:00:27,675
and...
3
00:00:40,005 --> 00:00:42,273
Hey, Cassidy.
Have you heard the news?
4
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:45,310
Ralph Kramden's gonna be the new
assistant traffic manager.
5
00:00:45,377 --> 00:00:47,312
Ralph Kramden?
Where'd you hear that?
6
00:00:47,379 --> 00:00:48,913
It's all over the place.
7
00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:50,748
He's gonna be the new
assistant traffic manager.
8
00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:52,817
All I can say is I'm glad
I ain't got any stock
9
00:00:52,884 --> 00:00:54,018
in the Gotham Bus Company.
10
00:00:54,085 --> 00:00:55,986
Hey, Pete,
Ralph Kramden's
11
00:00:56,054 --> 00:00:57,988
gonna be the new
assistant traffic manager.
12
00:00:58,056 --> 00:00:59,424
Ralph Kramden!
13
00:00:59,491 --> 00:01:01,992
Yeah, everybody's
talking about it.
14
00:01:03,562 --> 00:01:06,798
Well, here comes
the new executive.
Congratulations.
15
00:01:06,865 --> 00:01:09,567
Well! So you got
the news, huh, fellas?
Yeah.
16
00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:11,436
Well, it only goes to prove
17
00:01:11,503 --> 00:01:14,271
that a good man
is not hard to find.
18
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,073
But there's nothing
to get excited about.
19
00:01:16,141 --> 00:01:18,376
It's not official yet.
Just a rumor.
20
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:20,878
I'm not going to celebrate
on the strength of a rumor.
21
00:01:20,946 --> 00:01:21,879
You know me.
22
00:01:21,947 --> 00:01:23,881
Have a cigar, fellas.
23
00:01:23,949 --> 00:01:26,317
Oh, thanks.
Here you are, here you are.
24
00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:28,586
And right after work,
the beers are on me.
25
00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:30,621
Ralph, why don't we all
have lunch together?
26
00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:32,623
Well, I'd like that, except
I'm expecting Norton here.
27
00:01:32,691 --> 00:01:34,291
I'm gonna have
lunch with him.
28
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,926
Oh, and by the way,
whatever you do,
29
00:01:35,994 --> 00:01:37,395
don't mention about me becoming
30
00:01:37,463 --> 00:01:39,430
the new assistant traffic
manager to Norton.
31
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:41,566
You know what a big
blabbermouth he is.
32
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:44,235
He'll run home and tell Alice
before I get a chance to.
33
00:01:44,302 --> 00:01:45,570
And this is the kind of news
34
00:01:45,637 --> 00:01:47,605
that a man likes
to bring home himself.
35
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:50,474
Norton, guess what?
What?
36
00:01:50,542 --> 00:01:54,444
I'm the new assistant
traffic manager.
37
00:01:54,512 --> 00:01:56,647
Put her there,
Ralphie boy, pal of mine!
38
00:01:56,715 --> 00:01:57,982
I knew you had it in ya.
39
00:01:58,050 --> 00:01:59,583
Thank you very
much, Norton.
40
00:01:59,651 --> 00:02:01,786
All right, all right,
come on, now come on!
41
00:02:01,853 --> 00:02:03,387
Who started it?
Who started it?
44
00:02:06,892 --> 00:02:08,926
gonna be the new
assistant traffic manager.
45
00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:11,261
Well, don't look at me,
I got it from Cassidy.
46
00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:13,030
So you started it, huh?
47
00:02:13,098 --> 00:02:15,199
I did not, I got it
from Riley here.
48
00:02:15,266 --> 00:02:16,834
All right, Riley.
What's the idea?
49
00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:18,836
I didn't start
it, Freddie.
Well, who did?
50
00:02:18,904 --> 00:02:20,004
Who told you
Kramden's gonna be
51
00:02:20,072 --> 00:02:21,038
the new assistant
traffic manager?
52
00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:22,723
Kramden did.
53
00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,477
So that's it, huh?
54
00:02:26,544 --> 00:02:28,545
Blowing your own horn
again, huh, Ralph?
55
00:02:28,613 --> 00:02:31,249
Now, look, Ralph, get this
and get it straight.
56
00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:33,184
Mr. Harper's gonna
pick his own assistant,
57
00:02:33,252 --> 00:02:35,619
and he hasn't made up his
mind yet who it's gonna be.
58
00:02:35,687 --> 00:02:38,222
And once more, I doubt very
much that it's gonna be you,
59
00:02:38,290 --> 00:02:40,791
because Mr. Harper doesn't
even know that you're alive.
60
00:02:40,859 --> 00:02:41,993
Come on, fellas.
61
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:51,502
Well Ralph, looks like you
started the wrong rumor.
62
00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:53,637
What are you
talking about?
63
00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:55,406
First you should have
started the rumor
64
00:02:55,474 --> 00:02:57,208
that Mr. Harper
knows you're alive.
65
00:02:57,276 --> 00:03:00,227
Why don't you shut up?
66
00:03:00,295 --> 00:03:02,429
Boy, this burns me up.
67
00:03:02,497 --> 00:03:04,365
This burns me up!
68
00:03:04,432 --> 00:03:06,333
I deserve that
promotion, Norton.
69
00:03:06,401 --> 00:03:09,670
I worked hard to get it.
70
00:03:09,737 --> 00:03:11,738
Just because Mr. Harper
doesn't know I'm alive,
71
00:03:11,806 --> 00:03:13,974
I'm not gonna get
the promotion, huh?
72
00:03:14,042 --> 00:03:16,243
Well, it's the
same old story.
73
00:03:16,311 --> 00:03:19,112
It's not what you know,
it's who you know.
74
00:03:19,181 --> 00:03:21,649
If you don't have any
connections, you're dead.
75
00:03:21,716 --> 00:03:23,950
You can be the smartest
guy in the world,
76
00:03:24,018 --> 00:03:25,519
know everything
about everything,
77
00:03:25,587 --> 00:03:28,322
you can know the encyclopedia
backwards and forwards.
78
00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:30,057
But if you don't
have any connections,
79
00:03:30,124 --> 00:03:32,526
you get nowhere.
80
00:03:32,594 --> 00:03:34,395
Now wait a minute.
81
00:03:34,462 --> 00:03:37,298
I don't think that applies
to every case.
82
00:03:37,365 --> 00:03:39,300
I didn't have
no connections
83
00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,801
when I got my job
in the sewer.
84
00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:42,336
Oh, what am I...
85
00:03:43,372 --> 00:03:45,072
What are you getting
so excited for?
86
00:03:45,139 --> 00:03:46,574
Listen, it's
a beautiful day outside.
87
00:03:46,641 --> 00:03:48,843
Let's bring the lunch out
in the park and we'll eat it.
88
00:03:48,910 --> 00:03:50,944
No, wait a minute.
89
00:03:51,012 --> 00:03:52,946
We'll eat lunch
right down here.
90
00:03:53,014 --> 00:03:55,082
Every afternoon
at this time,
91
00:03:55,149 --> 00:03:57,017
Mr. Harper
comes down here.
92
00:03:57,085 --> 00:03:58,552
Right around lunch hour.
93
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,187
And believe me,
Mr. Harper
94
00:04:00,255 --> 00:04:02,606
is gonna know that
Mr. Kramden is alive.
95
00:04:02,674 --> 00:04:04,375
What are you gonna do?
96
00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:06,210
I'm gonna strike up
a conversation with him.
97
00:04:06,277 --> 00:04:08,779
Hey, hey, hey.
Good thinking!
98
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:11,248
Tell him you're smart but
you got no good connections.
99
00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:14,518
That's exactly what I'm
not going to tell him.
100
00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:16,887
I read a book on how
to influence people,
101
00:04:16,955 --> 00:04:19,457
it said the main thing is
not to talk about yourself.
102
00:04:19,524 --> 00:04:20,825
If you're gonna
talk to someone,
103
00:04:20,892 --> 00:04:23,694
talk about something
they're interested in.
104
00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:24,929
You know, like,
Mr. So and So,
105
00:04:24,996 --> 00:04:25,896
how's your daughter?
106
00:04:25,964 --> 00:04:27,298
Mr. So and So,
how's your wife?
107
00:04:27,365 --> 00:04:30,134
Mr. So and So,
how's your son-in-law?
108
00:04:30,202 --> 00:04:31,401
Hey, that's good psychology.
109
00:04:31,469 --> 00:04:33,337
Sure, with that kind
of an approach,
110
00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:35,405
when the new job comes up,
who's gonna get it?
111
00:04:35,473 --> 00:04:37,208
His son-in-law.
112
00:04:51,339 --> 00:04:55,075
Would you, uh, care to start
at the other end?
113
00:04:55,143 --> 00:04:56,843
I would not.
114
00:05:07,088 --> 00:05:09,240
Will you stop that?
115
00:05:18,199 --> 00:05:21,535
Well, hello, Mr. Harper.
How are the kids?
116
00:05:21,603 --> 00:05:23,804
I don't have
any children.
117
00:05:25,473 --> 00:05:27,040
Uh, how's the wife?
118
00:05:27,108 --> 00:05:29,109
I'm not married.
119
00:05:30,412 --> 00:05:32,012
Uh... how are you,
Mr. Harper?
120
00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:35,382
Ha ha, I got you
that time!
121
00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:37,417
Excuse me.
122
00:05:37,485 --> 00:05:40,054
Oh, uh, going out to
play a little golf?
123
00:05:40,121 --> 00:05:42,056
Nothing like
a good golf game.
124
00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:43,790
Are you interested in golf?
125
00:05:43,859 --> 00:05:47,895
Oh, certainly I'm
interested in golf.
Oh, sure.
126
00:05:47,963 --> 00:05:50,564
Say, that is a nice bag
of clubs you got there.
127
00:05:50,631 --> 00:05:52,466
Thanks, mister, uh...
128
00:05:52,533 --> 00:05:53,868
Kramden is the name.
129
00:05:53,935 --> 00:05:55,269
Oh, yes, Kramden.
130
00:05:55,337 --> 00:05:57,738
Well, what kind of a game
do you play, Kramden?
131
00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:01,325
Oh, well, I, uh...
I, uh... play like...
132
00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:03,226
Don't be modest, Ralph!
133
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:05,496
Mr. Harper,
you put a golf club
134
00:06:05,563 --> 00:06:07,498
in this lad's hand
and he's dynamite!
135
00:06:07,565 --> 00:06:09,566
I'm telling you,
he could be a champion!
136
00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:12,436
Only he ain't
got no connections.
137
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,805
So you're in
the championship class.
138
00:06:14,872 --> 00:06:16,640
Where do you play, Kramden?
139
00:06:16,708 --> 00:06:18,375
Where?
140
00:06:18,443 --> 00:06:20,143
Uh, uh, all around.
141
00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:23,046
All around.
142
00:06:23,114 --> 00:06:24,715
Where do you play?
143
00:06:24,783 --> 00:06:26,149
Silver Oaks.
144
00:06:26,217 --> 00:06:27,418
Oh, Silver Oaks!
145
00:06:27,485 --> 00:06:29,753
Oh, yes, very nice
over there.
146
00:06:29,821 --> 00:06:31,522
I play there
lots of times.
147
00:06:31,589 --> 00:06:32,956
Well, maybe I'll run
into you there one day.
148
00:06:33,024 --> 00:06:34,925
We can shoot
a few holes together.
149
00:06:34,992 --> 00:06:36,527
Yeah, That'd be nice.
150
00:06:36,594 --> 00:06:37,961
If I ever run into
you over there,
we'll shoot a few.
151
00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:40,497
Why don't you make it definite?
How 'bout Sunday?
152
00:06:40,565 --> 00:06:43,867
Oh, well, I'm sorry.
153
00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:45,836
I'm booked up Sunday.
154
00:06:45,903 --> 00:06:48,004
Oh, you are?
That's a shame.
155
00:06:48,072 --> 00:06:50,574
Sure would have liked
to play with you Sunday.
156
00:06:50,642 --> 00:06:52,710
Well, how about a week
from Sunday?
157
00:06:52,777 --> 00:06:54,712
Oh, no, Sundays are out.
158
00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:57,147
I play with my regular
partner on Sunday.
159
00:06:57,215 --> 00:06:58,482
Oh. Well, I
guess it looks
160
00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,551
like we're never gonna
get together to play.
161
00:07:00,618 --> 00:07:02,319
Well, what do you say
about Saturdays?
162
00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:04,087
Ralph doesn't work
on Saturdays.
163
00:07:04,155 --> 00:07:06,423
Well, now that's an idea.
Let's see, uh...
164
00:07:06,491 --> 00:07:09,226
How about four weeks
from this Saturday?
165
00:07:09,293 --> 00:07:10,828
All right with you, Ralph?
166
00:07:10,895 --> 00:07:12,262
( stammering )
167
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:14,264
Perfect, perfect.
168
00:07:14,332 --> 00:07:16,199
Okay, it's a date.
169
00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:18,669
Always a pleasure to play
with a good golfer.
170
00:07:18,737 --> 00:07:20,136
I'll see you
on the golf course.
171
00:07:20,204 --> 00:07:21,972
We tee off at ten o'clock.
172
00:07:22,039 --> 00:07:24,808
Of course, I'll see you
around before then.
173
00:07:27,379 --> 00:07:30,113
What's the matter
with you?
174
00:07:30,181 --> 00:07:33,149
What did you tell him
I play golf for?
175
00:07:33,217 --> 00:07:35,986
Well, I know you don't
play golf, but he don't.
176
00:07:36,053 --> 00:07:38,004
Yes, but he's gonna
find out I don't!
177
00:07:38,072 --> 00:07:40,006
What's gonna happen when
we get on the golf course?
178
00:07:40,074 --> 00:07:42,008
I don't even know
where left field is.
179
00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:43,610
You don't have to know.
180
00:07:43,678 --> 00:07:46,313
You don't have
to play golf.
181
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:47,948
You make up an excuse.
182
00:07:48,015 --> 00:07:50,383
And in the meantime,
you get the job.
183
00:07:50,452 --> 00:07:51,819
Look. Look, you
got four weeks.
184
00:07:51,886 --> 00:07:53,420
Anything can happen
in four weeks.
185
00:07:53,438 --> 00:07:56,189
You could get
hit by lightning.
186
00:07:56,257 --> 00:07:58,191
Suppose I don't
get hit by lightning?
187
00:07:58,259 --> 00:07:59,593
Well, you're still
on safe ground.
188
00:07:59,661 --> 00:08:00,694
If you have to play golf,
189
00:08:00,762 --> 00:08:02,162
you got me along
there with you,
190
00:08:02,229 --> 00:08:05,398
telling you
exactly what to do.
191
00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:07,033
You? Telling me?
192
00:08:07,101 --> 00:08:09,903
You telling me
how to play golf?
193
00:08:09,971 --> 00:08:11,572
Yeah. Sure.
194
00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:13,073
What do you
know about it?
195
00:08:13,141 --> 00:08:16,043
I know all I need to know
about playing golf.
196
00:08:16,110 --> 00:08:18,512
It's a game they play
with 18 holes.
197
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,481
I been working in
the sewers for ten years.
198
00:08:21,549 --> 00:08:25,919
If that don't qualify me
as an expert on holes,
I give up.
199
00:08:33,494 --> 00:08:34,478
Alice?
200
00:08:34,545 --> 00:08:36,113
Alice, come out here.
201
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,048
I got something
to tell you, good news.
202
00:08:38,116 --> 00:08:39,449
Oh, Ralph,
you're just in time.
203
00:08:39,517 --> 00:08:41,184
You forgot to take the
garbage out this morning.
204
00:08:41,252 --> 00:08:41,968
Never mind the garbage.
205
00:08:42,036 --> 00:08:43,921
I got some good news
to tell you.
206
00:08:43,989 --> 00:08:45,455
Well, can't you take
the garbage out first?
207
00:08:45,523 --> 00:08:47,107
Will you stop
with the garbage!
208
00:08:47,175 --> 00:08:48,441
I'll take it out later.
209
00:08:48,509 --> 00:08:50,410
Ralph, you always say
that and you never do.
210
00:08:50,478 --> 00:08:52,412
Alice, I'm trying to
tell you some good news.
211
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,248
Oh, all right, Ralph.
I'm sorry, what is it?
212
00:08:55,316 --> 00:08:57,617
Well, to begin with,
it doesn't look like
213
00:08:57,686 --> 00:08:59,619
I'm gonna need this
lunchbox much longer.
214
00:08:59,688 --> 00:09:02,355
Ralph, you're
going on a diet!
215
00:09:05,894 --> 00:09:08,962
No, I am not
going on a diet!
216
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:11,048
Well, why won't you
need this lunchbox?
217
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:14,301
Are you getting
a bigger one?
218
00:09:14,368 --> 00:09:17,071
Just for that
snide remark,
219
00:09:17,138 --> 00:09:19,039
now I'm not gonna
tell you the news.
220
00:09:19,107 --> 00:09:20,808
I refuse to tell
you the news.
221
00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:22,042
There's nothing
in this world
222
00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:23,410
could make me tell
you the news.
223
00:09:23,477 --> 00:09:24,845
All right, don't tell me.
224
00:09:24,913 --> 00:09:26,013
Yeah.
225
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:31,251
Yeah, that's what
you say now.
226
00:09:31,319 --> 00:09:33,687
But a year from now,
when you find out
227
00:09:33,755 --> 00:09:35,756
that I've been
assistant traffic
manager all that time,
228
00:09:35,824 --> 00:09:37,891
you'll say, "Ralph,
why didn't you tell me?"
229
00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:39,910
Ralph, you got the job.
230
00:09:39,978 --> 00:09:40,978
Well...
231
00:09:41,045 --> 00:09:42,780
it's not official yet.
232
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:44,715
Oh.
233
00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:46,350
What do you mean, oh?
234
00:09:46,417 --> 00:09:48,352
Nothing, just oh.
235
00:09:48,419 --> 00:09:50,621
No, Alice,
you don't mean just oh.
236
00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:52,523
You mean,
oh, I'm dreaming again,
237
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,124
oh, I don't know
what I'm doing,
238
00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:55,860
and, oh, I'm jumping
to conclusions.
239
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:58,362
Ralph, this has happened
too many times.
240
00:09:58,429 --> 00:10:00,698
Now when it's
finally official
that you got the job,
241
00:10:00,765 --> 00:10:02,500
I'll get excited,
but not until then.
242
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,518
Well, maybe you'll
change your opinion,
243
00:10:04,585 --> 00:10:06,553
when you find out
that Mr. Harper and I
244
00:10:06,621 --> 00:10:08,455
had a very friendly
chat today.
245
00:10:08,523 --> 00:10:10,490
And he invited me
to play golf with him.
246
00:10:10,558 --> 00:10:13,928
Mr. Harper invited you
to play golf with him?
247
00:10:13,995 --> 00:10:15,829
That man doesn't
need an assistant,
248
00:10:15,897 --> 00:10:17,731
he needs a keeper!
249
00:10:17,799 --> 00:10:20,434
Ralph, didn't you tell him you
don't know how to play golf?
250
00:10:20,502 --> 00:10:22,653
Why should I tell him that?
251
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:23,870
If I'd told him that,
252
00:10:23,938 --> 00:10:25,506
he wouldn't have made
the date with me.
253
00:10:25,573 --> 00:10:28,041
You don't mean
you're actually going out
on a golf course with him?
254
00:10:28,109 --> 00:10:29,209
Sure I am. But look,
255
00:10:29,277 --> 00:10:30,910
the date is for
a month away.
256
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:33,680
By that time, I'll be real
friendly with Mr. Harper,
257
00:10:33,748 --> 00:10:35,182
and I'll already
have the promotion.
258
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,017
So when the golf date
comes up, I'll just tell him
259
00:10:37,084 --> 00:10:38,952
I got another engagement,
that's all.
260
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:40,387
Sure, you can
always tell him
261
00:10:40,455 --> 00:10:42,456
you're going tiger
hunting with Ali Khan.
262
00:10:42,524 --> 00:10:48,228
Oh, you're a riot, Alice!
A real riot!
263
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:50,631
Don't you understand?
264
00:10:50,699 --> 00:10:53,334
Inside of a month,
I'll be friendly with him.
265
00:10:53,401 --> 00:10:56,570
He'll get me the job.
I know what I'm doing, Alice.
266
00:10:56,638 --> 00:10:59,223
And don't forget,
this means a lot to you.
267
00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:01,574
I get that promotion,
you can get new clothes,
268
00:11:01,643 --> 00:11:03,309
we can buy new furniture.
269
00:11:03,377 --> 00:11:05,846
And another thing, you won't
have to run all the way down
270
00:11:05,913 --> 00:11:07,848
to Madison Avenue
and 42nd Street
271
00:11:07,915 --> 00:11:09,683
and hand a note to the cop
on duty to hand to me
272
00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:11,118
when I go by in the bus.
273
00:11:11,185 --> 00:11:13,920
You can call me
on the phone now.
274
00:11:13,988 --> 00:11:16,189
All you have to do
is call on the phone,
275
00:11:16,257 --> 00:11:18,892
call the Gotham Bus Company,
get the switchboard operator,
276
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,028
tell her you want
the assistant traffic manager.
277
00:11:21,095 --> 00:11:23,296
She buzzes me,
I pick up the phone,
278
00:11:23,364 --> 00:11:25,132
and I say, "Hello,
this is Mr. Kramden.
279
00:11:25,199 --> 00:11:26,466
What can I do for you?"
280
00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:28,702
And I say, "Hello,
this is Mrs. Kramden.
281
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,871
When are you gonna
take the garbage out?"
282
00:11:30,938 --> 00:11:34,424
( muttering )
283
00:11:34,492 --> 00:11:37,777
( knock at door )
284
00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:39,646
Hi, Ralph.
Hiya, Fred.
285
00:11:39,714 --> 00:11:41,548
Hello, Alice. Hey, Ralph,
I wish you'd get a phone.
286
00:11:41,616 --> 00:11:42,716
I'm getting very tired
287
00:11:42,783 --> 00:11:44,117
of walking two miles
out of my way
288
00:11:44,185 --> 00:11:46,353
every time there's a message
for you from the office.
289
00:11:46,421 --> 00:11:48,255
Never mind the smart cracks.
What's the message?
290
00:11:48,323 --> 00:11:50,573
It's from Mr. Harper.
291
00:11:50,642 --> 00:11:52,575
I guess I was wrong
about you, Ralph.
292
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:55,712
Looks like you stand in
pretty good with him.
293
00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:57,714
Did you hear that, Alice?
294
00:11:57,782 --> 00:11:59,850
I stand in pretty good
with Mr. Harper.
295
00:11:59,917 --> 00:12:01,485
What's the message, Fred?
296
00:12:01,552 --> 00:12:03,454
Well, uh, he wants you
to do him a favor, Ralph,
297
00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:06,106
and just between you and me,
I got a hunch that if you do it,
298
00:12:06,174 --> 00:12:08,641
you practically got the job
as his assistant.
299
00:12:08,709 --> 00:12:12,713
Well... a favor, huh?
300
00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:14,914
Well, as you probably know
or don't know,
301
00:12:14,982 --> 00:12:17,251
Mr. Harper and I
are very close friends,
302
00:12:17,318 --> 00:12:18,719
and if he wants a favor,
303
00:12:18,786 --> 00:12:21,087
I'll be the first one
to do it for him.
304
00:12:21,155 --> 00:12:22,422
Now what's the favor?
305
00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:25,225
He wants you to play golf
with him on Sunday.
306
00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:28,712
Sunday?
307
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,013
Yeah, that's right.
308
00:12:30,081 --> 00:12:31,682
You see, Mr. Harper
and his partner
309
00:12:31,749 --> 00:12:33,616
were gonna play a very
important match this Sunday,
310
00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:35,485
but his partner was suddenly
called out of town.
311
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:38,188
So he wants you to play
with him instead.
312
00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:39,856
Congratulations, Ralph.
313
00:12:39,924 --> 00:12:43,193
It certainly looks like
you're going places.
314
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:44,627
So long.
315
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:52,502
As long as you're
going places, Ralph,
316
00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:54,571
would you mind
taking the garbage?
317
00:13:26,286 --> 00:13:28,970
Norton, hurry up
and come down here!
318
00:13:33,175 --> 00:13:34,476
What are you
trying to do?
319
00:13:34,544 --> 00:13:36,645
Give me a heart attack
or something?
320
00:13:36,713 --> 00:13:39,048
Well, Norton...
321
00:13:39,116 --> 00:13:40,482
How do I look?
322
00:13:42,085 --> 00:13:43,986
Divine!
323
00:13:44,054 --> 00:13:45,988
I don't know how
you're gonna do
324
00:13:46,056 --> 00:13:47,389
with these borrowed clubs,
325
00:13:47,457 --> 00:13:49,925
but in that borrowed outfit,
you are divine!
326
00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:51,343
Thank you, Norton.
327
00:13:51,411 --> 00:13:53,512
Well, did you bring something
down we can use for a ball?
328
00:13:53,579 --> 00:13:54,746
Oh, yeah.
329
00:13:54,814 --> 00:13:56,148
I got this here pincushion.
330
00:13:56,216 --> 00:13:57,649
That's good enough to start.
331
00:13:57,717 --> 00:13:58,850
Perfect.
332
00:13:58,918 --> 00:13:59,885
Let me have it.
333
00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:01,520
I wish I had a stand
to put it on.
334
00:14:01,587 --> 00:14:02,654
Let me have it, pal.
335
00:14:02,722 --> 00:14:03,939
I have... oww!
336
00:14:04,006 --> 00:14:05,407
What's the matter
with you?
337
00:14:05,475 --> 00:14:07,509
There's pins in it!
338
00:14:07,577 --> 00:14:09,445
What'd you expect
to find in a pincushion?
339
00:14:09,512 --> 00:14:10,512
Chicken noodles?
340
00:14:12,649 --> 00:14:14,983
Take the pins out.
341
00:14:15,051 --> 00:14:17,052
She loves me,
she loves me not.
342
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,020
Will you stop with that!
343
00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:20,655
Come on, Norton!
I only got two days
344
00:14:20,723 --> 00:14:21,923
to learn how
to play golf.
345
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:24,359
Wait a minute.
I want to get the door.
346
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:25,860
Wait'll I shut the door.
347
00:14:27,730 --> 00:14:29,598
All right, look out.
348
00:14:33,236 --> 00:14:34,236
( loud thud )
349
00:14:38,508 --> 00:14:39,508
( loud thud )
350
00:14:41,277 --> 00:14:42,695
Something's the matter
with the club.
351
00:14:42,762 --> 00:14:44,697
There's nothing wrong
with the club.
352
00:14:44,764 --> 00:14:46,565
It's the way you swing
at the ball.
353
00:14:46,632 --> 00:14:48,200
You just don't swing at it
ordinary like.
354
00:14:48,267 --> 00:14:49,501
You gotta do it
scientific like,
355
00:14:49,569 --> 00:14:50,652
like it says
here in the book.
356
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,204
I got no time to
do it by the book.
357
00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:54,073
I only got two days.
358
00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:55,207
Go ahead.
359
00:15:00,013 --> 00:15:01,013
( loud thud )
360
00:15:02,648 --> 00:15:05,217
What's it say
in the book?
361
00:15:05,285 --> 00:15:07,019
Now you're getting smart.
362
00:15:08,755 --> 00:15:12,040
"To Emily, whose slice
inspired me to write this book."
363
00:15:12,108 --> 00:15:13,141
Not that!
364
00:15:14,644 --> 00:15:16,378
Read the instructions.
365
00:15:18,899 --> 00:15:21,500
"The golf swing.
First, step up.
366
00:15:21,568 --> 00:15:23,536
"Plant your feet firmly
on the ground,
367
00:15:23,603 --> 00:15:25,370
and address the ball."
368
00:15:25,439 --> 00:15:28,340
Wait a minute.
369
00:15:28,408 --> 00:15:31,009
What do they mean by
address the ball?
370
00:15:31,077 --> 00:15:31,877
How should I know?
371
00:15:31,945 --> 00:15:33,145
That's what it says here.
372
00:15:33,212 --> 00:15:34,814
Well, read
a little further.
373
00:15:34,881 --> 00:15:37,817
Maybe it explains it.
374
00:15:37,884 --> 00:15:40,218
That's all it says,
address the ball.
375
00:15:40,286 --> 00:15:41,487
Wait a minute.
376
00:15:41,555 --> 00:15:43,823
I think I know
what it means there.
377
00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:46,058
Here, give me the club.
378
00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:48,561
Step up.
379
00:15:48,628 --> 00:15:52,431
Plant your feet firmly.
380
00:15:52,499 --> 00:15:54,299
Hello, ball.
381
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,734
( shouting )
382
00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:10,850
"Hello, ball."
383
00:16:10,917 --> 00:16:12,317
Will you get in the book
384
00:16:12,385 --> 00:16:14,119
and find out when
it starts to swinging?
385
00:16:14,187 --> 00:16:15,604
Maybe it sounds nuts,
I don't know.
386
00:16:15,672 --> 00:16:16,838
That's what they
say in golf there.
387
00:16:16,906 --> 00:16:18,406
They say "tally-ho"
when they're fox hunting.
388
00:16:18,474 --> 00:16:20,508
What's crazier?
Saying tally-ho to a fox,
389
00:16:20,577 --> 00:16:23,045
or saying hello
to a golf ball?
390
00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:24,345
Will you get the book
391
00:16:24,413 --> 00:16:26,682
and find out what they
say about swinging?
392
00:16:29,652 --> 00:16:32,754
"I cannot overemphasize
393
00:16:32,822 --> 00:16:34,790
the importance of
the correct swing."
394
00:16:34,857 --> 00:16:36,658
In other words,
it don't mean a thing
395
00:16:36,726 --> 00:16:38,126
if you ain't got
that swing.
396
00:16:42,198 --> 00:16:43,732
All right.
397
00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:47,836
All right,
step up to the ball.
398
00:16:47,903 --> 00:16:49,538
Relax.
399
00:16:49,606 --> 00:16:51,840
Head down.
400
00:16:51,907 --> 00:16:53,508
Keep your eye
on the ball.
401
00:16:53,576 --> 00:16:58,330
Bend your knees,
straighten the left arm,
402
00:16:58,398 --> 00:17:02,134
straighten your right arm,
lower the right shoulder.
403
00:17:02,202 --> 00:17:03,819
Now you got it, Ralph.
404
00:17:03,886 --> 00:17:05,104
Follow through
and you can't miss.
405
00:17:05,171 --> 00:17:06,138
Swing!
406
00:17:06,206 --> 00:17:08,540
Ahh!
407
00:17:08,608 --> 00:17:10,859
Ahhh!
408
00:17:12,996 --> 00:17:14,730
What did I do wrong?
409
00:17:14,797 --> 00:17:16,431
Well, I uh...
410
00:17:16,499 --> 00:17:18,800
I can't exactly put my finger
on what you did wrong, Ralph,
411
00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:20,335
but after seeing you
swing at that ball,
412
00:17:20,402 --> 00:17:21,637
I think the biggest
thing you did wrong
413
00:17:21,704 --> 00:17:23,238
was tell Mr. Harper
you could play golf.
414
00:17:23,305 --> 00:17:25,573
You're right, Norton.
415
00:17:25,642 --> 00:17:28,076
I can't learn to play
golf in two days.
416
00:17:28,144 --> 00:17:29,577
It'd take me
at least a week.
417
00:17:29,646 --> 00:17:31,847
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
418
00:17:31,914 --> 00:17:34,182
That ain't my
Ralphie boy talking!
419
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:35,884
What would happen
to Bobby Jones
420
00:17:35,952 --> 00:17:37,485
if he gave up before
he even started?
421
00:17:37,553 --> 00:17:39,921
You're right, Norton.
I gotta keep trying.
422
00:17:39,989 --> 00:17:42,390
That's it,
now get in there.
423
00:17:42,458 --> 00:17:45,427
Look, the main trouble I think
is you're concentrating
424
00:17:45,495 --> 00:17:48,030
too much on the ball.
Just forget it.
425
00:17:48,098 --> 00:17:50,332
You're right about that.
426
00:17:50,399 --> 00:17:51,800
Concentrate on the swing.
427
00:17:51,868 --> 00:17:53,669
If I forget about the ball,
I can play a great game.
428
00:17:53,737 --> 00:17:55,170
That's it. Just-Just...
Wait a minute.
429
00:17:55,238 --> 00:17:58,674
Give me the... You gotta
concentrate on the swing.
430
00:17:58,742 --> 00:18:01,110
Approach.
431
00:18:01,177 --> 00:18:02,845
You gonna swing?
Wait a minute.
432
00:18:02,912 --> 00:18:04,980
Yeah, there's power
behind this.
433
00:18:05,048 --> 00:18:08,383
Plant your feet
firmly on the ground.
434
00:18:08,451 --> 00:18:10,786
Hello, ball.
435
00:18:10,854 --> 00:18:13,055
Come on, Norton.
436
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,361
Follow through.
437
00:18:35,428 --> 00:18:37,363
You see the way my
whole body went
through with it?
438
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:42,167
Would you mind telling me
what all this stuff was?
439
00:18:42,235 --> 00:18:43,769
What this stuff was?
440
00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:46,538
Yes, what that stuff was.
441
00:18:46,606 --> 00:18:48,340
That's how you
relax the muscles.
442
00:18:48,408 --> 00:18:52,077
Get rid of the tension.
That's what this stuff is.
443
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:54,029
Let me have it.
All right.
444
00:19:08,711 --> 00:19:10,379
Hey! That was
perfect, Norton!
445
00:19:10,447 --> 00:19:12,281
Perfect.
You had it right there.
446
00:19:12,348 --> 00:19:14,616
Now, let's practice it again.
Let's do it again.
447
00:19:14,684 --> 00:19:15,951
What do I gotta practice?
It was perfect.
448
00:19:16,018 --> 00:19:17,219
What do I do next?
449
00:19:17,287 --> 00:19:19,604
Right, we'll concentrate
on the hard shots.
450
00:19:19,672 --> 00:19:21,840
Suppose you hit the ball
and it lands on a hill.
451
00:19:21,907 --> 00:19:23,342
Yeah?
All right.
452
00:19:23,409 --> 00:19:24,676
That's a little difficult.
453
00:19:24,744 --> 00:19:26,144
Why should that shot
be any different
454
00:19:26,212 --> 00:19:27,713
than any other shot?
455
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,081
Because your left foot
is gonna be higher
than your right foot.
456
00:19:30,149 --> 00:19:31,115
You're shooting uphill.
457
00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:32,100
Here.
458
00:19:34,086 --> 00:19:35,687
Put your left foot
on that there.
459
00:19:35,755 --> 00:19:36,888
All right.
460
00:19:46,399 --> 00:19:47,766
Beautiful, beautiful.
461
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:50,268
I don't see any different
in that shot than the other one.
462
00:19:50,336 --> 00:19:51,970
Wait a minute,
that was a small hill.
463
00:19:52,037 --> 00:19:54,706
We're approaching
a bigger hill now.
464
00:19:54,774 --> 00:19:57,509
All right, put your
foot on that there.
465
00:19:57,577 --> 00:19:59,177
That's the approach.
466
00:19:59,245 --> 00:20:01,312
Straighten the
left arm. Relax.
467
00:20:05,284 --> 00:20:06,217
Beautiful.
468
00:20:06,285 --> 00:20:07,652
See, it's the same
to me, Norton.
469
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,855
Now you hit the ball
on a big, big mountain.
470
00:20:09,922 --> 00:20:11,640
Wait a minute,
wait a minute!
471
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:15,994
Who am I playing golf with?
Mr. Harper or a mountain goat?
472
00:20:16,062 --> 00:20:17,462
Just let me
practice the swing.
473
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:19,731
Get that stuff outta here.
474
00:20:38,801 --> 00:20:41,503
Just practicing
playing golf.
475
00:20:41,570 --> 00:20:42,504
Oh, is that
what it is?
476
00:20:42,571 --> 00:20:44,072
I thought it
was football,
477
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:47,409
the way your backfield
was in motion.
478
00:20:47,477 --> 00:20:51,679
It's great to have a wife
with a sense of humor, Norton.
479
00:20:51,747 --> 00:20:54,383
She does get off with
a good one now and then.
480
00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:56,184
Aw, shut up!
481
00:20:56,252 --> 00:20:57,652
I'm sorry I went
to the movies.
482
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,654
I could have seen
a better show right here.
483
00:20:59,722 --> 00:21:01,473
Yeah, well the show's over,
484
00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:03,708
the curtain came down and
the audience is filing out.
485
00:21:03,777 --> 00:21:06,344
Now file into the bedroom
and stay in there!
486
00:21:06,412 --> 00:21:07,679
Ralph, will you be sensible?
487
00:21:07,747 --> 00:21:09,347
You can't learn to play
golf in one night.
488
00:21:09,415 --> 00:21:11,349
It takes months, years.
489
00:21:11,417 --> 00:21:14,052
Get a load of her.
Months, years.
490
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,070
Already I'm hitting 'em
uphill and downhill
491
00:21:16,138 --> 00:21:18,473
and every other way.
I can't do it.
492
00:21:18,541 --> 00:21:20,074
You can't discourage
me, Alice.
493
00:21:20,142 --> 00:21:22,010
I don't care if you
got any confidence...
494
00:21:22,077 --> 00:21:27,248
because I have enough confidence
in me for the both of us.
495
00:21:27,316 --> 00:21:31,169
You got enough everything
in you for the both of us.
496
00:21:33,990 --> 00:21:37,559
How'd you like to go
sailing over the clubhouse, huh?
497
00:21:41,231 --> 00:21:42,998
Now I know why
people play golf.
498
00:21:43,066 --> 00:21:44,366
It's not 'cause
they like this game.
499
00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:46,634
It's just to get away
from their wives.
500
00:21:46,702 --> 00:21:47,936
That's why they play.
501
00:21:48,004 --> 00:21:49,905
You're getting
all tense again.
502
00:21:49,973 --> 00:21:51,155
I'm getting all tense.
503
00:21:51,223 --> 00:21:53,224
Listen, relaxation is essential
to a good game of golf.
504
00:21:53,292 --> 00:21:54,526
I can't relax!
She upset me.
505
00:21:54,594 --> 00:21:56,094
Well, you gotta relax.
506
00:21:56,162 --> 00:21:57,145
Well, I am relaxed!
507
00:21:57,212 --> 00:21:58,780
What do you
want me to do?
508
00:21:58,848 --> 00:22:02,150
Sign an affidavit with
a notary republic
or something?
509
00:22:02,217 --> 00:22:03,251
All right, let's get back
to the business
510
00:22:03,318 --> 00:22:04,819
of learning how
to play the golf.
511
00:22:04,887 --> 00:22:06,421
Now then...
There it is.
512
00:22:06,488 --> 00:22:09,658
Let's go through it,
step by step.
513
00:22:09,725 --> 00:22:11,693
Make the approach.
514
00:22:11,761 --> 00:22:14,696
Plant your feet
firmly on the ground.
515
00:22:14,764 --> 00:22:17,933
Head down.
Eyes on the ball.
516
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,467
Relax, that's it.
517
00:22:19,535 --> 00:22:20,936
Keep your left arm straight.
518
00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:23,504
Your right arm straight.
Relax.
519
00:22:23,573 --> 00:22:24,973
Lower your right shoulder.
520
00:22:25,041 --> 00:22:27,008
Go!
521
00:22:48,614 --> 00:22:50,682
Come on now, Ralph.
Eat your breakfast.
522
00:22:50,750 --> 00:22:51,950
You're gonna be
late for work.
523
00:22:52,018 --> 00:22:55,020
I can't eat, Alice.
I can't!
524
00:22:55,088 --> 00:22:57,856
Boy, I really got myself
into it this time.
525
00:22:57,924 --> 00:23:00,325
Me and my big mouth.
526
00:23:00,392 --> 00:23:02,160
What am I gonna do?
527
00:23:02,228 --> 00:23:04,129
I can't tell Harper I broke
my arm or something.
528
00:23:04,197 --> 00:23:05,797
Then I won't be able
to go to work.
529
00:23:05,865 --> 00:23:07,165
I won't get my money.
530
00:23:07,233 --> 00:23:09,267
What am I gonna do, Alice?
531
00:23:09,335 --> 00:23:12,270
Ralph, why do
you get yourself
into spots like this?
532
00:23:12,338 --> 00:23:14,205
You want to know why, Alice?
533
00:23:14,273 --> 00:23:15,640
I'll tell you why.
534
00:23:15,708 --> 00:23:20,379
It's because I have
a big mouth!
535
00:23:20,446 --> 00:23:24,583
That's why, a big mouth!
536
00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:26,585
I learned my lesson
this time.
537
00:23:26,652 --> 00:23:28,086
I learned it this time.
538
00:23:28,153 --> 00:23:30,756
Never again will I brag.
Never!
539
00:23:30,823 --> 00:23:32,657
( knock at door )
540
00:23:35,778 --> 00:23:36,945
Yes?
541
00:23:37,012 --> 00:23:38,413
Ralph Kramden?
542
00:23:38,481 --> 00:23:40,615
Oh, yes, sir.
How are you, Mr. Douglas?
543
00:23:40,683 --> 00:23:41,616
Come right in.
544
00:23:41,684 --> 00:23:43,251
Well, I see
you know me, huh?
545
00:23:43,319 --> 00:23:45,654
Oh, certainly.
Alice, this is Mr. Douglas.
546
00:23:45,722 --> 00:23:48,022
He's one of vice presidents
of the Gotham Bus Company.
547
00:23:48,090 --> 00:23:49,224
How do you do,
Mrs. Kramden?
How do you do?
548
00:23:49,291 --> 00:23:51,693
Kramden, I'm sorry to intrude
at this hour,
549
00:23:51,761 --> 00:23:53,428
but I just left Mr. Harper
in the hospital,
550
00:23:53,496 --> 00:23:54,863
and he asked me to
drop by and see you.
551
00:23:54,930 --> 00:23:56,665
Mr. Harper is
in a hospital?
552
00:23:56,733 --> 00:23:58,667
Oh, yes,
nothing serious, really.
553
00:23:58,735 --> 00:24:01,370
He slipped and chipped
a bone in his ankle.
554
00:24:03,906 --> 00:24:05,741
Chipped a bone
in his ankle?
555
00:24:05,808 --> 00:24:08,610
I mean, he chipped
a bone in his ankle?
556
00:24:08,678 --> 00:24:11,012
You mean he won't be able
to play golf Sunday?
557
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,947
I'm afraid not.
The doctor says
558
00:24:13,015 --> 00:24:15,266
he won't be able to play
for about a couple of months,
559
00:24:15,334 --> 00:24:17,736
so he asked me to
drop by and tell you
560
00:24:17,803 --> 00:24:19,337
how sorry he was
to disappoint you.
561
00:24:19,404 --> 00:24:21,239
Boy, that's great.
562
00:24:21,306 --> 00:24:23,541
I mean, that's...
What a disappointment this is!
563
00:24:23,609 --> 00:24:26,111
Gee, I was all ready to play
golf with him Sunday, too.
564
00:24:26,178 --> 00:24:27,746
Wasn't I, Alice?
565
00:24:27,813 --> 00:24:29,781
I was practicing
uphill shots,
566
00:24:29,849 --> 00:24:32,517
downhill shots,
ready to go, you know.
567
00:24:32,584 --> 00:24:35,286
Well, Mr. Harper tells me
you're quite a golfer.
568
00:24:35,354 --> 00:24:37,055
Championship
caliber, huh?
569
00:24:37,123 --> 00:24:39,958
I don't like to brag...
570
00:24:40,026 --> 00:24:42,326
Just like the guys down
at the bus company...
571
00:24:42,394 --> 00:24:45,163
They say if you put a club
in my hand, I'm dynamite!
572
00:24:45,230 --> 00:24:47,799
As a matter of fact, while
we're out there playing Sunday,
573
00:24:47,867 --> 00:24:51,136
I was gonna give Harper
a couple of, you know...
574
00:24:51,203 --> 00:24:52,503
tips, pointers.
575
00:24:52,571 --> 00:24:54,172
Yeah, well, I guess
you can't have everything
576
00:24:54,239 --> 00:24:55,540
the way you want it these days.
577
00:24:55,607 --> 00:24:57,892
Well, I tell you,
as a matter of fact,
578
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,428
Mr. Harper gave me
the solution this morning.
579
00:25:00,430 --> 00:25:02,914
He suggested that
I take his place
580
00:25:02,981 --> 00:25:04,432
and play with you.
581
00:25:04,500 --> 00:25:07,602
So, you see, the arrangements
are still the same.
582
00:25:07,670 --> 00:25:10,038
Well, I'm awfully glad to have
met you, Mrs. Kramden.
583
00:25:10,106 --> 00:25:13,374
So long, Kramden.
We tee off tomorrow at ten.
584
00:25:23,586 --> 00:25:27,389
Well, Alice, you gotta
admit one thing.
585
00:25:27,457 --> 00:25:30,826
I got a big mouth!
42529
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