Original subtitles

2x05 - Hawkeye

[cawing]

Whoo-hoo! Whoa!

Lately, it seems like I can't get any me time.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

But today is different.

Today is solo Spidey day.

Today it's all on me.

I know what you're thinking.

What is Manhattan's most beloved quick-witted hero doing in New Jersey?

Check it out.

[female voice] Commencing skeletal retro scan.

Subject: Spider-Man.

Identity confirmed.

[grunts]

I've been coming here for weeks.

[grunts]

And I love this spy stu-u-uff!

I just hope they're finally done.

Oh, man, what is taking so long?

Look, I know it's a SHIELD heli-carrier,

and it's got to have state-of-the-art technology,

impregnable defense systems and be the size of a football field,

but I got major housing problems at Casa de Parker.

- I do not eat meat. - Well, I do.

Don't get grabby, okay?

Does anyone know how many calories are in this?

- Hey, you gonna eat that? - They might be my friends,

but I gotta get 'em outta here before I starve to death.

And if you think that's bad...

Here's Peter dressed like a little tulip.

[chuckling] Little tulip.

And there goes what's left of my dignity.

But you know what? I'm supposed to be the leader of this motley crew,

so I should be able to deal for a little while longer.

[grunting]

Besides, Fury had to have called me here for a reason...

Whoa!

[men grunting]

The Beetle?

He must be here to destroy the heli-carrier.

[grunting] Whoa!

Maybe he's here to destroy me.

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~

All right. Check this out.

[grunting]

[groans]

[grunts]

[grunts]

- Nick Fury to the rescue? - Apparently.

Beetle, surrender now or be destroyed.

[men crying out]

- Where'd he go? - Cloaking device.

And he just got away.

So what the heck was that thing that's still got my ears ringing?

A sonic disruption arrow.

Oh, cool. Yeah. That's what I thought it was.

- You know Hawkeye, I assume? - Who doesn't?

Hey, well, thanks for the assist. Up high, Hawkeye.

Hey, don't leave me hanging. Nick?

You guys are cold.

The Beetle was being held in an off-site facility

when the first heli-carrier went down.

In the confusion that followed, he made his escape.

He might have been here to wreak a little havoc,

but once he saw you... clearly, he wants revenge.

Well, that's great. Why can't I be that popular in school?

We haven't been able to track him down yet,

so I called in an Avenger

for some extra protection while we're in dry dock.

But now I think you need the protection more than we do.

You mean a babysitter.

So Mr. Sonic Disruption Arrow was gonna watchdog me?

[barking]

And if you're calling in an Avenger, shouldn't it be one I already know?

Yeah! Up top!

Whoa! [grunts]

You know, all I've ever heard about this Hawkeye character

is his reputation for being a bit of a loose cannon.

I've got enough of those squatting in my house right now.

Where is he anyway?

[grunts] See? It's way different when I know it's coming.

[grunting]

- So, what kind of arrow is this one? - It's an ensnarement arrow.

Yeah. Catchy. You know, I think I hear the Hulk calling you.

Now that the Beetle has made a real play,

I know you'll wanna go after him. But I don't want you handling him alone,

unless you'd rather I call in the rest of your team.

Where is my organic toothpaste?

- Where's my toothbrush? - Where's my dental floss?

- Is that a zit or some ketchup? - This stinks.

[shivers] Just for today.

I need some personal space, okay? So let's try this again.

Up high for the ultimate team-up featuring Spidey and Hawkeye.

[sniffs] Aw, come on. I showered.

I was thinking about your ensnarement arrow

and how maybe you could try a name that's a little more hip,

- like "ensnarrow." - No. Now pipe down.

I'm trying to get a tracking signal on the Beetle's armor.

Once I get it, we find him anywhere in the city.

Look, I'm sure your Avengers tech is cool.

But me? I track a criminal using my enhanced spider senses

and my Spider Cycle.

Yeah, yeah. That's quite the toy you got there.

I'm not sure why a guy who swings on webs needs a set of wheels.

Jealous much, just 'cause my bike's way cooler than yours?

Well, check this out. [beeps]

- [chuckles] Pretty rad, huh? - Yeah, real rad.

I've got my own big-boy version, though.

Okay. That's pretty cool too.

I got him. [beeping]

That's just a few blocks away. Let's go!

Wait! [grunts]

[grunts]

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

[grunts]

You're supposed to stay with me.

Then keep up.

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

Whoa!

Uh, we come in peace?

Agh!

Oh! I guess you don't.

Aagh!

- You're welcome. - Not bad.

But there was only, like, one of them.

Happy now, kid?

Oh, I get it. I can play this game too, you know.

[grunting] Look at that.

Another hit. And another.

Say, what's that? Another.

[grunting]

Two at a time's not bad. But watch me win this bug shoot.

Now, that move's gotta put me in the top spot.

I just wanna thank me for being really awesome.

Way better than Hawkeye.

[crowd cheering]

Uh-oh.

[grunting]

Hey! Hawkeye!

Where's an Avenger when you need one?

Agh! You put the "miss" in "missile," tin-head. Hah!

[whooshing] Wait. What's that sound?

[yells]

[grunting]

[panting]

You missed a spot!

Agh!

[grunts]

[screams]

Move.

Agh!

[grunting]

Thanks for the lift. Now, where have you been?

Where do think? Playing chase with your best pal.

Huh? He's right behind us.

Hold on.

Agh! My web shooter. Gotcha. [yells]

Whoa. Hold on. Looks like I've really got you.

Actually, he's got us.

Okay. We're in a pretty sticky situation here.

- I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that. - Yeah. Me too.

- Pull me up. - No time.

[grunting]

- Whoa-oa! - Aagh!

If plan "A" is to smash us into the street like a bug,

I vote for plan "B"!

[yells]

[yelling]

[grunts]

Whoa-oa-oa!

[grunts] Hey, this is fun and all, but get me outta here!

[grunting]

- Steer. - Are you crazy?

You've got one hand. Don't worry.

Eventually, my webbing will dissolve.

Uh, I don't suppose that'll dissolve.

Are you kidding? It's meant to hold someone indefinitely!

Huh. What do you call that arrow?

- Lean to the left! - That's a weird name for it.

- To the right! - No. We need to turn around.

- We need to get away. - We need to nail the Beetle!

We need to free ourselves first.

You know what I was just thinking?

The irony of how I started this day wanting a little personal space,

and now I'm stuck to this guy.

I mean, what if we're stuck like this forever?

[shower running]

[passes gas]

Probably not the time to be worried about that.

Let's give him a better target.

Straight ahead.

[laughs] Blowing up Jameson never gets old.

- Grab another arrow. - We already tried this, remember?

We're gonna fire it together. Now, I aim, you pull.

[grunting]

Wow. You're stronger than you look.

Just use a little spider strength and pull, would ya?

[beeps]

[grunting]

Oops. You said use my spider strength.

Ugh! We need a bowstring. Use your web.

Fine. Sheesh.

You gotta be kidding me. Hey, don't look at me.

I'm supposed to have two of them.

How come you don't have an extra bowstring?

Because I never break them!

Uh-oh!

We can't take much more of this.

- What do we do? - This.

Jump! [both grunt]

[both yell]

Pretty strong for a string bean.

Proportionate strength of a spider, remember?

Hold on. [grunting]

I'm proud to announce the Bugle's new official sponsor, Mighty Glue.

- For when your life is... - Can't you move any quicker?

It's not easy swinging around with this kind of dead weight.

Dead weight? The only reason you're

not dead right now is because of me.

You? The only reason you're not dead is because of me.

Now let's talk about our official menace to society.

That's right. I'm talking about the web-headed terrorist Spider-Man,

who, as I speak, is destroying the city in yet another

throw-down with another one of his so-called enemies.

- He always this hard on you? - Actually, today's not too bad.

And I will not rest until I see that no-good,

worthless spider freak brought to justice.

Uh, spoke too soon.

Well, as long as we got a second, let me try something.

Hey-hey, nice.

You know, despite our situation here, you're pretty good at this stuff.

Yeah. Well, I guess.

Whoa. I think your raisarrows are actually working.

Quit renaming my arrows.

[both yelling]

[both grunt]

Follow my lead.

- What are you doing? - I got a plan.

[both yelling]

I got... I just gotta get...

almost... [grunting]

That was your plan?

To fall a hundred feet through a half-constructed skyscraper?

Save the vitriol, angry archer.

Look around. Something in here can get this off our hands.

Oh-ho, no, no, no.

You think I'm gonna let you put my hand in that thing?

Yikes!

[both yell]

[panting]

[both grunt]

We can use this.

A blowtorch? I don't think so.

[both grunt]

Whoa!

Agh!

[grunting]

Is this... [grunts] part of the plan too?

I'm improvising. [grunting]

[both grunt]

Swing me up. [grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Good shot. Looks like we're sitting pretty.

[cooing] Did I speak too soon?

[both yelling]

[both yelling]

Can you shoot this arrow with your web shooter?

Of course I can. Remember this?

The newest in SHIELD tech at your service.

- What kind of arrow is it? - An ensnar...

- Okay. An ensnarrow. - Awesome!

[both grunt]

- Uh, shouldn't we get down? - Probably.

He didn't see us.

He's probably heading back to the first place he found me.

I need to call Fury. [static]

Ah! My wrist communicator's broken.

Don't worry. I got it covered.

Beetle's heading back to the hangar. We've got a plan.

I need you to evacuate the workers still constructing the heli-carrier.

- At least until morning. - I'll do it.

But there's a lot of taxpayer money being spent here...

[grunts] so don't blow it.

I think it's best if Fury

doesn't know about our little predicament.

'Cause you know he'd blame me.

So what do you call that? Wait. Don't tell me.

It's an arrow with a video camera on it.

A "camarrow", right?

- That's a car. - Oh, come on. That's gold.

We need to get to the heli-carrier fast. Any ideas?

[whistles]

I just wanna say that as a real New Yorker,

I would've taken the subway. But cabs are quicker.

Come on! We're standing here!

This guy's an Avenger!

Spider-Man? Is that you?

Well, yeah. I guess.

[laughs] Big fan, man. Big fan. Get in.

[laughs] Sweet.

[tires screeching]

I can't believe you're in my cab.

- The Spider-Man. - Yeah. Hard to believe, I know, but...

You know, you saved my life once.

You were battling some freak, and he chucked the car right at me.

Wow. But we really...

Now me, I was chowing down on a hot dog...

- Watch out! - ...which the missus says I need to cut back on.

- Look, we're... - So, where are you

- taking your amazing friend tonight? - Um, New Jersey.

[screeching]

Jersey? Are you kidding me? I ain't driving all the way to Jersey!

- You said I saved your life. - Whatever. I ain't going to Jersey.

- Yeah, you are. - Whoa. [chuckles]

You got it, pal.

[grunting]

[beeps]

[female voice] Identity confirmed.

[both grunt]

Hang on.

[footsteps thudding]

The Beetle's up there. We've been able to keep him cornered.

Good job, guys. We'll take it from here.

Whoa. Looks like the Beetle's been busy.

Keep your eyes open. We'll find him around here somewhere.

Yeah. I think he found us.

[gasps]

Fine. You want me, you got me.

Wait! It's what he wants! [grunting]

Now, that's teamwork.

[grunts]

[grunting]

Move over here!

- No! Move over here! - Now back up a bit!

Come forward!

[both grunt]

[gasps]

Really? I mean, can't a guy ever enjoy the moment?

[grunts]

[grunting]

Eat this, tin can! [grunts]

Or don't. Aagh!

[grunting]

Pretty good hunter.

Except one thing.

[grunts]

You forgot your prey.

[grunts]

Aagh!

I hope I don't miss. One: It would hurt. A lot.

And two: I don't wanna hear it from Hawkeye.

[yells]

Nice aim, kid. What do you call that arrow?

- I call it the... "Sparrow". - That's a bird.

I knew that.

Nice work, gentlemen.

Hey, I know I talked a lot of trash before, but if it

means anything, I think I learned something important today.

I was kind of wrapped up in my own personal stuff,

and, well, I shouldn't have rushed to judgment.

You're okay.

I hate to admit it, but so are you.

In that case, up high, Hawkeye.

- Come on. Just once? - Fine.

Okay. That was all me.

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