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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,861
Shit! Fuck!
3
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,196
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...
4
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,477
♪ When you go
5
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,771
♪ Please don't leave your love
in the sun
6
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,612
♪ My heart would melt away
7
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,449
♪ In the night
with your twisted tongue
8
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:55,833
♪ When you drop the bomb
I'm blown away
9
00:01:55,991 --> 00:02:00,087
♪ 'Cause l-l-l-l
10
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:04,250
♪ Refuse to hide
in the page of the story
11
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:08,137
♪ l-l-l-l
12
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:12,892
♪ Come out the box
I won't say I'm sorry
13
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,679
♪ We in the nuclear season
14
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,973
♪ In the shelter,
I survived this road
15
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,892
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
16
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:25,313
♪ We in the nuclear season
17
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,277
♪ Summer lovin'
in the backseat gone
18
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,817
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
19
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,862
♪ Now, I'm facing this on my own
20
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:37,750
♪ 'Cause you tasted the blast
and it shook your bones
21
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:41,287
♪ I'm a warrior all alone
22
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:46,050
♪ In the field of lies,
I won't go home
23
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,633
♪ 'Cause I-I-I-I'm
24
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:54,551
♪ Gonna burn my skin
in the blaze of glory
25
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:58,061
♪ l-l-l-l'm
26
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:02,976
♪ Well, come out, your hands up,
and say, "I'm sorry"
27
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,778
♪ We in the nuclear season
28
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,156
♪ In the shelter
I survived this road
29
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,942
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
30
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,953
♪ We in the nuclear season
31
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,456
♪ Summer lovin'
in the backseat gone
32
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,616
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
33
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:25,961
♪ We survived nuclear seasons
34
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,217
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... l'
35
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,127
Looking for
homemade, fresh baked goods?
36
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,093
Come to Terry's
Country Bake Shop in Red Hook,
37
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:33,694
home of 'Family Circle'
magazine's...
38
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,797
With
its stunning natural beauty,
39
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:39,144
Fiji is the ideal holiday
tropical paradise for couples.
40
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,679
Well, Dave,
41
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:43,166
while we didn't get the white
Christmas we were hoping for,
42
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,768
Mother Nature may have
a few tricks up her sleeve.
43
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,608
We're getting forecasts
of a hurricane-force blizzard
44
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,363
coming tonight...
45
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,158
Oh, Megan.
Right where I left you.
46
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,914
- How adorable.
- Caught me red-handed.
47
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:04,544
I'm just... I'm such a sucker
for the classic American novel.
48
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,083
- Bad day?
- No. I'm just exhausted.
49
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:13,095
Yeah, I know. Me too, right.
Phew.
50
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:17,178
Maybe it's time to get a job.
51
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,013
You're telling me.
52
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,678
Yes. I am.
53
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,596
I look for fulfilling work
all the time.
54
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,044
I just happen to be taking
a break whenever you're around.
55
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:26,983
It's like studying
when Mom is watching.
56
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,902
Did you talk to your parents
about the lease?
57
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,562
Because the deadline's
on the first
58
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,481
and Cedric is willing
to take over if you...
59
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,651
Yeah, no, I haven't made a
decision on that yet, per se...
60
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:38,991
How did you not
make a decision yet?
61
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,327
I mean, what did you do today?
62
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,458
Or what did you do this week?
63
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,495
I did Christmas.
64
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,715
And I also started
online dating.
65
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:54,048
Seriously? Ah!
66
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,009
Yes. Yeah, shut up.
67
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,015
No, I'm proud.
68
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,892
You meet anyone?
69
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:04,180
I said 'started'.
I'm not a machine.
70
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,350
Oh, oh, and I also really like
71
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,939
that idea of going Dutch
on principle
72
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,024
except, you know,
I don't have any money
73
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:15,862
so it's kind of more
of an intellectual exercise.
74
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,028
Hey, where are you going?
You just got home!
75
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,697
Cedric's friend is having this
birthday thing at this bar.
76
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,786
So then
you're not cooking dinner?
77
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,460
Nah. Yeah.
78
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:31,332
Do you wanna come?
79
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,967
Well, it kind of depends
on the cake situation.
80
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,627
Well, the birthday boy
is single.
81
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,314
He's not the brightest
but he's pretty,
82
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,806
so he's perfect
for a one-night stand.
83
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,967
I don't know.
Do you think I'm ready?
84
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,181
Who cares?
I'm ready for you to be ready.
85
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,644
I mean, seriously, how long
has it been? Aren't you horny?
86
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,308
I knew you two little freaks
be having
87
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,976
these type of conversations
when I'm not around.
88
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,644
I knew it! Especially you.
89
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:55,030
- Hi, Cedric.
- I knew it. I caught you.
90
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,815
Well, yes, no, I'm horny,
91
00:05:56,982 --> 00:06:00,828
but I'm also
somewhat lazy, sometimes.
92
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:04,490
So, um, the two counteract,
like... like duelling wizards.
93
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,159
Not anymore.
Tonight is the night.
94
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,544
- Faiza's setting me up.
- I'm thinking Ben.
95
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,125
I like that. That's cool.
96
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,918
Ben. Whoop!
97
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,881
- What up?
- Hi.
98
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,424
Er, ID, please.
99
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,218
- Oh, I'm a girl.
- Er, no.
100
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,806
I'm sorry, you look kinda young.
101
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,642
Take it like a compliment,
alright.
102
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,025
Shit!
103
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,527
How did you lose your ID again?
You don't go anywhere!
104
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:37,109
OK, wait, look,
I am old enough, I swear.
105
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,400
Do you see that?
Right there? It moves.
106
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,284
Oh, my God. Megan.
107
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,617
Hi. ID?
108
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,659
Oh, shit...
109
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,543
Awkward...
110
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,792
Hey.
111
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,751
I heard you're doing good.
112
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,511
From who?
113
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:03,344
I don't know.
I just said that to be nice.
114
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,008
Oh.
115
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,643
Chris, I think this girl's
trying to get by you.
116
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:14,105
Oh, no. Er, this is...
This is Becca.
117
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,736
Becca, this is Faiza
and Cedric and Megan.
118
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,444
Megan and I,
we were together for a bit.
119
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,861
Is that the abridged version?
Just like that?
120
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,780
You two coming in
or what?
121
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,415
Nice to meet you.
122
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,872
Good seeing you, Megan.
123
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:35,710
I don't even wanna hear
you guys say it.
124
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,546
If we knew he was gonna be here
I would have warned you.
125
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,506
This is a serious pattern.
I am regressing.
126
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,639
Last year I was in college
and I was Chris's fiancé
127
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,424
and I drank wine in restaurants.
128
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:48,810
And now I am at home all day
in my underwear,
129
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,939
and I'm nobody's nothing,
and I can't even get into a bar.
130
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,771
What is happening to me?
I am going backwards!
131
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,435
I am Benjamin Button-ing!
132
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,194
He moved on. So what!
So can you.
133
00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,730
I say take a cab home,
134
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,648
get on that dating site,
pick a cute guy.
135
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,943
No drinks. No dinner.
Just a hook-up.
136
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,487
Do... OK, you can't order it.
137
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,405
It's not Edible Arrangements!
138
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,790
Er, yeah, you can.
You have tits and the internet.
139
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:14,169
- Cedric, back me up.
- internet. Tits.
140
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,327
Let's go.
141
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,880
Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
142
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,585
Go get 'em, tiger.
You got this.
143
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,385
Right?
144
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,996
Ah!
145
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:54,706
♪ All my life
There you go
146
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,371
♪ Oh, please stay
147
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,040
♪ Just this once
148
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,550
♪ Anyway
149
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:07,431
♪ All my life
There they go
150
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:11,639
♪ Oh please stay
For the night... ♪
151
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,223
Nope!
152
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,354
♪ Anyway... ♪
153
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,613
OK.
154
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,400
Fuck it.
155
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,285
He moved on. So can I.
156
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:43,880
Keepin' it lower case.
Keepin' it casual.
157
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,009
Really?!
158
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,477
OK. Come on.
159
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,765
The bar is so low,
it's so very low.
160
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:11,244
I sound like a computer virus.
161
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:14,656
Awe... some.
162
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,746
OK.
163
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:22,589
♪ All my life
There you go
164
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,500
♪ Oh, please stay
165
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:30,298
♪ Just this once
Anyway... ♪
166
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,262
"Hang out."
167
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,677
♪ There they go
168
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:39,940
♪ Oh, please stay
For the night
169
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,942
♪ Anyway... ♪
170
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,419
Wait! Oh, shit.
171
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,675
Er...
172
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,186
Safety first.
173
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,911
Hey, there.
174
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,992
Oh, man, I was just...
I was just so sure
175
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,078
I was gonna see
a close-up of a penis.
176
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,662
Um, yeah. Me too.
177
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,622
Wow. You are really pretty.
Really pretty.
178
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,462
Er, anyway, so this is me -
179
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:54,177
soak it in,
and this is my apartment.
180
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:58,640
As you can see,
it's a magical wonderland.
181
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,645
So do I pass the test?
182
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:05,229
- Or...
- Um... yes.
183
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,813
I think so.
184
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,104
I've actually...
I've never done this before.
185
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,113
- Me neither.
- No. No, no.
186
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,775
Like, I know
that people say that,
187
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,444
but I REALLY... l haven't.
188
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,738
- Nothing.
- I know. Me neither.
189
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:21,124
Oh. Good. Um...
190
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:26,459
OK, well, I guess
then I will see you soon?
191
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,750
That is awesome.
I mean, that is cool. Sweet.
192
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,260
I will... That would be a very
nice thing to happen, Megan.
193
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,171
- I will see you soon.
- OK.
194
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,387
OK. 'Bye.
195
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,891
I cannot believe I'm schlepping
to Brooklyn for a booty call.
196
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,683
That is fucking scandalous.
197
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,022
I don't think
it shut off right.
198
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,607
No! No, the TV!
199
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,531
Alright. Shit. Stay calm.
200
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,996
Is that a...
Is that a burglar alarm?
201
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,753
Did you sleep with your coat on?
202
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:10,461
Yeah. I get cold.
You should get the intruder!
203
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,343
Alarm reset.
204
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,185
- False alarm.
- That's so weird.
205
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,847
It's a bummer
that it woke us up, though,
206
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,642
but I should get going.
207
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:32,403
Um... l had a great time.
208
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,939
Thank you.
209
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:38,531
It's, er... perfect
for what I needed, so...
210
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,250
Awesome.
211
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,981
Ambitious.
212
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,110
That's... some alarm
you got there.
213
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,278
Yeah, I don't even remember
setting it.
214
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:26,120
For 11:04. Hmm. Weird.
215
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:31,128
Uh, morning, Megan.
216
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,666
Good morning, Alex.
217
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:38,086
It's, er... Alec, actually.
218
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,925
Yeah.
219
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,307
What'd I say?
220
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,183
Alex.
221
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,225
Do your way one more time.
222
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,938
Alec.
It's got a 'C' at the end of it.
223
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,977
Yeah. It's OK.
224
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,565
Gotcha. Sorry.
225
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,947
Well, um...
226
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,867
...I had a blast.
227
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,575
So thank you for having me.
228
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,284
You're welcome.
229
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,825
My only concern is
how we're gonna sugar-coat this
230
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,538
when we tell our grandkids
how we met.
231
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,829
Right?
232
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:16,499
Yeah. Um, we'll cross that
bridge when we come to it, huh?
233
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,134
So do you wanna grab breakfast
234
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,044
or do you normally
just take off?
235
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,256
"Normally"?
236
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,515
Huh?
237
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,143
You said "normally".
238
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,599
Just... like I do this so much
239
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,481
that I'd have a normal
and an abnormal version of it.
240
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,233
That's... yeah,
that's not what I meant.
241
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,690
I have no idea
how often you do this.
242
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,026
I told you last night
that this is my first time
243
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:42,067
doing anything,
you know, remotely like this.
244
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,610
Yeah, but... come on.
245
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,030
Come on. What?
246
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,745
Megan, do you expect me
to believe
247
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,330
this is your first
one-night stand ever?
248
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:53,493
Yes!
249
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,587
I mean, the only reason
that I'm here
250
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,123
is because my roommate,
251
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,792
she peer-pressured
the shit out of me.
252
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,426
Yeah, she 'sexiled' you
or whatever, right?
253
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:05,466
Exactly, and yet I am sensing
some distinctly judgey vibes
254
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,008
coming from
your side of the bed,
255
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,724
which is odd considering
the teamwork involved.
256
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,230
There's no judgey vibes coming
from this side of the bed.
257
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,140
Honestly, I really admire
what you did.
258
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,309
I wish more girls
were that forward.
259
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,355
'Forward'. There we go
with the slut thing again.
260
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,942
I'm not calling you a slut!
261
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,607
I'm calling you a girl
262
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,653
who went over to
a stranger's house at midnight.
263
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:27,954
If only there was a word
for someone who does that.
264
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,035
Wow! You know what? Screw you!
265
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,666
That was a joke. I'm sorry.
266
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,542
You invited me here,
just remember that.
267
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:36,671
That's not quite how it happened
but it doesn't matter.
268
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,376
Look, can we please
just eat breakfast?
269
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,213
I make oatmeal with a little
smiley face made out of jelly.
270
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,218
And it's not slutty at all.
271
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,754
You know what,
save your oatmeal.
272
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,298
I think I'm gonna take off.
273
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,217
But thanks for having me, it
was awesome to get to know you.
274
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,805
Have a nice life, Alex.
275
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,408
OK, cool, well,
I'm just gonna assume
276
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,264
that time was on purpose
because I told you
277
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,603
my name is Alec with a 'C',
like, a dozen times.
278
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,985
It wasn't, but don't worry,
you just have a stupid name.
279
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,487
OK! Cool! Well, 'bye. It was
lovely having sex with you!
280
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,148
Oh, I wish I could say the same.
281
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:05,362
Sounded like you had
a pretty good time last night.
282
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,027
You know what? Don't believe
everything you hear.
283
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,945
Especially when it's something
like, "Hey, Alec - cool name."
284
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,330
What is that? Sounds like
a first draft of a name!
285
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,537
- OK. Fuck you, Megan.
- Fuck you back.
286
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:17,499
Ah. OK.
287
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,506
What?
288
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:36,272
Ow! Shit!
289
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:40,731
Imagine a sleeping little
angel-faced angel.
290
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,861
OK. No, I'm the angel.
291
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,364
And this angel is being woken up
292
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:50,074
by a fucking junkyard dog
in a hot girl body!
293
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,238
OK, and that's my morning.
294
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,123
Look, I can't...
295
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,501
Ah. Mom, I will call you back.
296
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:02,215
Hi, there. It's Alec, right?
297
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:03,966
Mmm.
298
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,924
What, is there a little snow
outside? Yeah?
299
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,463
Mmm, well, New Yorkers...
300
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,381
I don't wanna say
that you guys are pussies,
301
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,050
but, seriously,
you should see what a winter
302
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,763
in Minnesota looks like.
303
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,145
I'll get you a cab.
304
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:17,931
Oh. Thanks.
305
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,486
Holy shit,
that's a lot of snow!
306
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,578
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
307
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,741
Hmm. Wow.
308
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,374
Hey, folks,
309
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,501
I hope you aren't planning on
going anywhere anytime soon
310
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,037
'cause let me tell you
something,
311
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,580
it ain't gonna happen, OK?
312
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,045
We are seeing record snowfalls!
313
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,925
This thing came in overnight
314
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,634
and has New York City
in a total white-out!
315
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,345
We're talking about
tens of thousands
316
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,555
of stranded holiday travellers.
317
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,892
The entire city transit system
is shut down.
318
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,274
The streets
have not even been ploughed!
319
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:04,732
The mayor's office is urging
people to stay indoors
320
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:07,113
and to avoid
all non-essential travel.
321
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,946
So get cosy, folks, 'cause
it's gonna be a long weekend.
322
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,826
Faiza, you have to do something.
323
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,239
I cannot stay here.
This is the worst.
324
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,885
Are you even
watching the news?
325
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,200
There's nothing we can do.
326
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,461
See how nice this is?
This could be every day.
327
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,871
Mmm.
328
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,414
But Cedric's an EMT!
329
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,129
Can't he, like helicopter me
out of here, or something?
330
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,882
Is that Cedric?
Is Cedric laughing at me?
331
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,422
No, no, no, no.
332
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:33,965
OK, just make the best of it
333
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,475
and we'll rescue you as soon
as we can, OK, I promise.
334
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,011
No, no, no, no!
335
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,147
I would not be here
if you did not slut me out!
336
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:42,727
Sorry, I can't hear you.
337
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,609
What?
338
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,521
I think the snow
is messing with the...
339
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,110
...with the satel... satellites!
340
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,866
- OK, 'bye!
- 'Bye.
341
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,902
Faiza!
342
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,742
- Mmm.
- Grab that ass!
343
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,788
This storm is literally
going to dump
344
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:04,249
all over the Tri-State Area.
345
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:17,350
It's what I deserve.
It's penance.
346
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,431
Wow, that is officially
the worst review
347
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,095
my oatmeal's ever received.
348
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,811
It's what I get
for slutting it up.
349
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,816
Um, so you really think
God made this blizzard
350
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,477
to punish you for being slutty?
351
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,896
No. I don't think God did it.
That's ridiculous.
352
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,485
I think my grandmother did
and I just don't know how.
353
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,618
Right. That makes sense.
354
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:41,078
Well, I would prefer
not to spend the next 24 hours
355
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,117
in an uncomfortable silence
with you,
356
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,787
so why don't we just pretend
that we never had sex?
357
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,375
Didn't happen.
358
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,711
Er, and then we can pretend
that it's just the weather
359
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,626
and not your passive-aggressive
magical grandmother.
360
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:52,792
No.
361
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:55,304
That's like trying to get the
toothpaste back into the tube.
362
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:58,216
You can't do it. It is out
there. I have seen your penis.
363
00:20:58,382 --> 00:21:01,682
You've implied I'm a slut.
Those are big things.
364
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,642
Did you just call my penis big?
365
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,397
Er, no. No, I did not.
366
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:07,236
I called the implication
of your penis big.
367
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,143
Well, it's still nice to hear.
368
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:13,611
You can't just erase the fact
that two people had sex.
369
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,117
I think you underestimate us.
370
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,620
Hi, I'm Alec.
371
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,161
I'm Megan.
372
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:28,750
Megan, it's very nice
to meet you.
373
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,836
Um, what do you do for a living?
374
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,626
Oh, Jesus? That?!
That's what we're doing? Er, no!
375
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:36,592
Seriously? Already?
We just started. Mm-mm.
376
00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:38,176
OK.
377
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:41,388
We are monitoring this
situation very closely.
378
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,302
We're experiencing
massive shutdowns
379
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:45,642
all over the Tri-State Area.
380
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:50,311
That includes Dutchess County,
Harlan County,
381
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,570
Bronson County,
382
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,730
Middlesworth County...
383
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,403
...Monmouth County.
384
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,615
Wow, how the time flies.
385
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,087
Alright, we'll try again.
386
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,722
But there are rules -
387
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,882
no upsetting questions.
388
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:24,472
I didn't realise it was one.
389
00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:26,433
Well, now you do.
390
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:29,769
OK, I am trying very hard
to think of a question
391
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:32,401
that could in no way
be construed as upsetting.
392
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:39,192
Do you like... dogs?
393
00:22:40,234 --> 00:22:41,994
A perfectly non-upsetting
question. Good job.
394
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:45,406
Yes, I like dogs.
395
00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:47,450
Mmm. Me too.
396
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:50,790
I have to use the restroom.
397
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,830
That's allowed.
398
00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:16,153
What?
399
00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:24,366
"Damaged"?
You don't know me!
400
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:50,767
Do you possibly have headphones?
401
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:55,734
Thank you.
402
00:23:55,893 --> 00:23:57,861
Um, Megan?
403
00:23:58,020 --> 00:23:59,397
What happened?
404
00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:02,783
What happened? You happened.
What is that?
405
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:07,364
Oh, God. Arggh!
406
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:09,372
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.
407
00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:11,283
No. No, no, no.
You... just step away.
408
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:12,827
You are not cleaning that up.
409
00:24:12,993 --> 00:24:16,714
You will just hold it
over my head. Go to your room.
410
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:19,591
I can handle this.
411
00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:22,423
Gross.
412
00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:27,342
Cold and gross.
413
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:34,102
It just keeps coming.
414
00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:35,857
Hey, you gotta turn the knob!
415
00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:39,316
No, I mean the punishments
from the universe.
416
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:42,152
It's the flood!
It's practically biblical!
417
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,032
Where the fuck is your plunger?!
418
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:47,161
It should be right next to
the, um...
419
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:50,368
Ah, shit! I let my buddy borrow
my plunger. Dammit.
420
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:52,784
That's why you never let your
friends borrow plungers.
421
00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:54,952
There's, like,
a thousand reasons.
422
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,043
Look, just, er, shut the door.
I'll deal with it later.
423
00:25:11,927 --> 00:25:15,727
Hey, I just thought of an idea
that could fix everything.
424
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,516
Do you wanna get high?
425
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:24,281
Yeah, me neither.
That was just a test.
426
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,660
Didn't know if you were a cop.
Hmm.
427
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:34,742
Yep, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna get high.
428
00:25:34,908 --> 00:25:36,330
You don't care, do you?
429
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:38,712
Your apartment.
430
00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,418
I'm warning you, though -
431
00:25:40,581 --> 00:25:42,333
you're about to think
that I'm really cool.
432
00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:44,968
My buddy made it-
I don't know if you can tell,
433
00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:46,629
but he smokes a lot of pot.
434
00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:48,422
I try to encourage
his creativity.
435
00:25:48,589 --> 00:25:52,059
No. I think it fits you.
436
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,520
Sorry, I'd open a window,
but, you know...
437
00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:05,314
It is a mystery
why you don't have a girlfriend.
438
00:26:05,481 --> 00:26:07,404
Hey! I'm a catch.
439
00:26:08,442 --> 00:26:10,695
I bet you 150 bucks
you're gonna die alone.
440
00:26:10,861 --> 00:26:13,239
Well, my future
smoking-hot widow
441
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,578
will gladly accept your money.
442
00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:25,960
Hey, I'm just saying
443
00:26:26,126 --> 00:26:28,299
you could afford to take
the edge off a little bit.
444
00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:30,339
Could be good for you.
You should embrace it.
445
00:26:30,506 --> 00:26:32,349
Yeah, I've gotten high before.
446
00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:34,226
Not with me.
447
00:26:37,304 --> 00:26:39,898
Fine.
448
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,809
It better make you funnier.
449
00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:45,821
Yeah. Smoke that shit.
450
00:26:53,821 --> 00:26:56,700
So earlier you asked
what I did for a living
451
00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:58,913
and I kinda got a little feisty.
452
00:26:59,076 --> 00:27:01,420
You? Feisty? Can't picture it.
453
00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:04,172
Well, the answer is...
454
00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:10,467
...I am less-than-employed
at the moment.
455
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,051
I don't do anything.
456
00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:15,184
See, last year I was able
to say, "I'm a pre-med student,"
457
00:27:15,342 --> 00:27:17,811
which sounds
kind of impressive, right?
458
00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:22,191
But then I graduated and I'm not
allowed to say it anymore.
459
00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:28,109
Um, I think your profile
said 'pre-med student'.
460
00:27:28,272 --> 00:27:30,366
Yeah, no,
I just haven't changed it yet.
461
00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:33,403
Didn't you make that profile
two days ago? That's weird.
462
00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:35,537
What is this,
like an interrogation?!
463
00:27:35,696 --> 00:27:38,575
- You got something to hide?
- No, I just...
464
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,328
I think
I'm just in that limbo phase.
465
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:45,088
It's not like your degree
has instructions on it.
466
00:27:45,247 --> 00:27:47,420
Well, boom!
467
00:27:47,583 --> 00:27:49,961
Home run!
Twins win the World Series!
468
00:27:50,127 --> 00:27:52,471
Well, your degree
did say 'pre-med',
469
00:27:52,629 --> 00:27:56,759
so you would think
something follows that.
470
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:02,397
What was that?
471
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:04,604
Hmm.
472
00:28:10,564 --> 00:28:12,066
So...
473
00:28:12,232 --> 00:28:13,950
Why did you major in pre-med
474
00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:15,656
if you didn't wanna go
into medicine?
475
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,698
I always thought I'd change it
but then I graduated.
476
00:28:18,864 --> 00:28:20,457
Whoops.
477
00:28:20,616 --> 00:28:22,084
Wait. How does that happen?
478
00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:26,292
Easier than you would think.
What do you do for a living?
479
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:29,174
I work at a bank.
480
00:28:29,333 --> 00:28:32,177
Wow. Fancy. Banking.
481
00:28:32,336 --> 00:28:35,761
No, just 'bank'.
I'm an assistant manager.
482
00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:39,385
How does someone like you get
into something that's so...
483
00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:41,224
- Wildly exciting?
- Yes.
484
00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:42,854
Yes. Um, I don't know.
485
00:28:43,013 --> 00:28:45,107
I mean, you know,
like, when you're 17
486
00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:47,017
and you just wanna get out there
487
00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:49,264
and show the world everything
that you have to offer,
488
00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:50,831
because you have
all this stuff to say?
489
00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:54,483
I don't know
what that feels like.
490
00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:56,027
I don't know.
491
00:28:56,193 --> 00:28:58,742
I never felt like I needed a job
to define my life.
492
00:28:58,904 --> 00:29:00,372
Do you like your job?
493
00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:02,290
Since when are you
supposed to like your job?
494
00:29:02,449 --> 00:29:03,917
I think our generation
495
00:29:04,076 --> 00:29:06,170
catastrophically
misunderstands that.
496
00:29:08,163 --> 00:29:09,756
Interesting.
497
00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:20,884
I forgot the food.
I'm going back for it.
498
00:29:21,051 --> 00:29:24,021
Huh? No, no, no.
Please. Allow me.
499
00:29:26,723 --> 00:29:30,273
- Well, now I am impressed.
- Mm-hm.
500
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:33,564
'Cause it's like a butler
that is also a rug.
501
00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:36,028
For the man who has everything
except a rug.
502
00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:37,909
Mmm.
503
00:29:38,944 --> 00:29:41,743
You know,
I used to smoke back in college.
504
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,249
But one summer
I walked in on my parents
505
00:29:44,408 --> 00:29:47,161
smoking out of a vaporiser
and watching Italian porn...
506
00:29:47,327 --> 00:29:48,704
Oh, my God.
507
00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:51,999
...which is kind of the greatest
anti-drug PSA of all time.
508
00:29:52,165 --> 00:29:54,088
That is awesome!
509
00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:57,221
Kinda gross, but...
It is... but it is funny.
510
00:29:57,379 --> 00:30:01,555
Growing up, all of my friends'
parents were divorced,
511
00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:07,019
you know, but mine,
they were always so happy.
512
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:11,356
They were just
so disgustingly happy.
513
00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:15,694
It's a lot to live up to.
514
00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:18,826
I think it kinda messed me up.
515
00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:26,834
My parents
are still married too.
516
00:30:26,992 --> 00:30:29,245
Yeah? Oh. Put it up.
517
00:30:29,411 --> 00:30:30,537
What!
518
00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:34,004
Yep, when I was a kid I used
to wish that they'd get divorced
519
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:35,793
'cause I was jealous
of all my friends
520
00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:38,007
who got to have two Christmases.
521
00:30:38,170 --> 00:30:40,389
Uh-uh.
522
00:30:40,547 --> 00:30:41,924
- Mm-mm.
- Mm-hm.
523
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:43,467
- Mmm.
- What?
524
00:30:43,633 --> 00:30:45,793
- You should turn this off.
- You don't like this song?
525
00:30:45,886 --> 00:30:47,513
No. I love this song.
526
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:50,432
It's gonna make me wanna dance.
527
00:30:50,599 --> 00:30:53,193
Yes. You should.
528
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,025
- No. Trust me.
- Yes!
529
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:58,031
Oh, are you, like, a bad dancer?
530
00:30:59,066 --> 00:31:01,740
Oh, no. No, no, no.
531
00:31:01,902 --> 00:31:04,781
I am an epic dancer,
532
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:06,368
But you see...
533
00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:09,410
See, if you see me dance
534
00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:12,295
you'll follow me around
like a little puppy dog.
535
00:31:12,454 --> 00:31:14,502
And it'll be embarrassing
for us both.
536
00:31:14,664 --> 00:31:19,090
So you have to stay here
for your own safety.
537
00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:21,050
Trust me on that one.
538
00:31:31,765 --> 00:31:34,689
♪ And I'm so sick
of you tonight
539
00:31:35,727 --> 00:31:40,153
♪ You never stay awake
when I get home
540
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:43,569
♪ It's something wrong with me
Or something wrong with you
541
00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:48,457
♪ I really wish I knew,
wish I knew, wish I knew
542
00:31:48,615 --> 00:31:50,868
♪ I'll give you candy
I'll give you diamonds
543
00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:52,411
♪ Give you pills
544
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:54,579
♪ I'll give you
anything you want
545
00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:56,999
♪ Hundred-dollar bills
546
00:31:57,165 --> 00:32:00,715
♪ I'd even let you watch
the shows you wanna see
547
00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:04,848
♪ Because you'd married me,
married me, married me
548
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:09,352
♪ Married me, married me,
married me... ♪
549
00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:12,848
OK, um...
550
00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:15,437
So I would just like to...
551
00:32:16,476 --> 00:32:19,070
...frame the next question
in the context
552
00:32:19,229 --> 00:32:21,857
that my diet doesn't normally
consist of junk food.
553
00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:23,445
And with that in mind...
554
00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:25,986
Hypothetically...
- Yep.
555
00:32:26,153 --> 00:32:32,081
...if one were to need
to make use of a bathroom...
556
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:35,875
...how might one do that...
557
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:39,792
...in these special
circumstances?
558
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,050
Stop smiling.
559
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:42,882
Oh...
560
00:32:44,004 --> 00:32:45,404
...that's actually
a great question.
561
00:32:48,425 --> 00:32:50,427
Um...
562
00:32:50,594 --> 00:32:52,221
Are these
your creepy neighbours?
563
00:32:52,387 --> 00:32:53,889
Are you the creepy neighbour?
564
00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:56,683
You're totally
the creepy neighbour. Hmm.
565
00:32:56,850 --> 00:32:59,603
Hey, Miss Lo Pan? It's Alec.
566
00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:01,567
I just really need
to borrow your plunger.
567
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:03,152
It's kind of an emergency.
568
00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:06,945
That wouldn't happen
to be their mailbox, would it?
569
00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:09,454
Oh, yeah. You know what, they're
probably away for the holidays.
570
00:33:09,613 --> 00:33:11,832
You did not just laugh!
571
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:15,039
- It's kind of funny.
- Do you see this face?
572
00:33:15,202 --> 00:33:17,079
- This is my panic face.
- Do we understand?
573
00:33:17,245 --> 00:33:18,245
- Yeah.
- OK.
574
00:33:18,371 --> 00:33:19,623
- We do.
- Good.
575
00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:22,759
Have no fear, the trusty coat
hanger's here to save the day.
576
00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:25,888
Aw, shucks, I bet you say that
to all the girls.
577
00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:28,965
We're just... we're kind of
on a clock here...
578
00:33:29,132 --> 00:33:30,509
I mean, there's a Plan B,
579
00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:32,143
but it might sound
kinda out there.
580
00:33:32,302 --> 00:33:33,724
We are not getting high again!
581
00:33:33,887 --> 00:33:35,264
Yes, we are.
No, I'm just kidding.
582
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,432
The windows in this building,
they don't really work right.
583
00:33:37,599 --> 00:33:40,273
So we can go out the window,
climb up to the roof,
584
00:33:40,435 --> 00:33:41,812
go to the other side
585
00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:43,901
and then get in through
the Lo Pans' fire escape.
586
00:33:44,064 --> 00:33:45,361
OK.
587
00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:51,993
Maybe just you should do this.
588
00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:53,998
I'm not breaking
and entering alone!
589
00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:56,410
The whole reason
we're doing this is for you!
590
00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:00,672
Er, why do you have that?
591
00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:02,332
- My grandmother left it to me.
- Mmm.
592
00:34:02,499 --> 00:34:04,126
Yep. All style complaints
go to her.
593
00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:06,135
Oh, I see. Mm-hm.
594
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,046
Sweet.
595
00:34:20,809 --> 00:34:23,312
Let's do this!
596
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:39,878
You couldn't just
shit in the sink, huh!
597
00:34:41,496 --> 00:34:45,217
- What's wrong?!
- It's frozen shut!
598
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:46,968
It won't budge!
599
00:34:47,127 --> 00:34:48,504
We gotta go back.
600
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:51,014
There is no turning back!
601
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:56,804
Whoa! What the fuck?!
Are you kidding me?
602
00:34:58,096 --> 00:34:59,723
Hey, are you fucking insane?
603
00:34:59,889 --> 00:35:01,311
I'm gonna have
to pay for that!
604
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:04,353
I had to!
They would totally understand.
605
00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:08,319
- Look, you are a ruiner.
- I am not a ruiner!
606
00:35:10,150 --> 00:35:11,910
Sorry, I gotta pee. I had to!
You understand.
607
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:13,508
- No, no, no, no...
- You understand.
608
00:35:13,612 --> 00:35:17,833
You are an asshole
in so many languages!
609
00:35:17,991 --> 00:35:19,368
You understand.
610
00:35:19,534 --> 00:35:23,084
Oh, yeah.
This pee feels so good.
611
00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,465
Oh.
612
00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:38,974
Whoops. Sorry. False alarm.
613
00:35:39,137 --> 00:35:40,263
Yeah.
614
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,567
Oh, God.
615
00:36:13,421 --> 00:36:16,516
Just so you know, I'm giving you
the silent treatment too.
616
00:36:17,550 --> 00:36:21,896
I just didn't know if you could
tell and I wanted you to know.
617
00:36:33,066 --> 00:36:36,491
Hey, I think we've solved the
mystery of the clogged toilet.
618
00:36:36,653 --> 00:36:39,827
Wait, what? No, no.
I told you I would do that!
619
00:36:39,989 --> 00:36:41,411
What is this?
620
00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:42,951
- No. It's nothing.
- What are you doing?
621
00:36:43,118 --> 00:36:45,621
That's gross. Megan, this was
in a toilet. That's gross!
622
00:36:45,787 --> 00:36:46,787
OK?
623
00:36:46,830 --> 00:36:48,673
If you had a problem
with the reading material,
624
00:36:48,832 --> 00:36:50,459
you could have just
said something.
625
00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:03,305
It's just some stupid article.
626
00:37:05,849 --> 00:37:09,774
It wasn't stupid, though.
It was spot on.
627
00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:13,065
How pathetic is that?
It's so pathetic.
628
00:37:20,864 --> 00:37:22,241
Do you really think
629
00:37:22,407 --> 00:37:24,830
my name sounds like
the first draft of a name?
630
00:37:30,373 --> 00:37:31,920
Yeah.
631
00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:35,841
Like a good first draft,
you know.
632
00:37:36,004 --> 00:37:38,098
Like, it's really close.
633
00:37:42,677 --> 00:37:44,475
And did you really fake it?
634
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,813
- What are you talking about?
- Last night.
635
00:37:49,976 --> 00:37:52,354
You know, when you were making
636
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,067
what I would describe
637
00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:55,777
as, like, banshee-esque screams
of pleasure.
638
00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:57,317
And then this morning
639
00:37:57,484 --> 00:37:59,987
you called into question
their authenticity, so...
640
00:38:00,153 --> 00:38:02,076
Whoa, what happened to,
641
00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:05,037
like, "Hey, let's just pretend
we never had sex?"
642
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,577
Yeah, I'm over that.
643
00:38:06,743 --> 00:38:09,087
Why are you even thinking
about this again?
644
00:38:09,245 --> 00:38:11,339
I haven't stopped
thinking about it.
645
00:38:14,584 --> 00:38:16,177
Oh, alright, well, see,
646
00:38:16,336 --> 00:38:19,180
I just said those things
to hurt your feelings
647
00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:20,841
because you hurt mine, you know?
648
00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:22,429
Yeah, I don't really buy that
649
00:38:22,592 --> 00:38:24,139
'cause I think women
are most honest, actually,
650
00:38:24,302 --> 00:38:25,929
when they're trying
to hurt somebody's feelings.
651
00:38:26,095 --> 00:38:29,099
Fine, but this can't be
the first time
652
00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:30,892
a woman's faked it for you.
653
00:38:31,059 --> 00:38:33,027
Er... it definitely was.
654
00:38:33,186 --> 00:38:34,733
You made your ex come, huh?
655
00:38:34,896 --> 00:38:36,773
Mm-hm. Yep.
Pretty much all the time.
656
00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:38,362
Yeah? That often?
657
00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:41,574
And did she... did she come
before or after you?
658
00:38:41,736 --> 00:38:45,457
Usually we... we would come
simultaneously.
659
00:38:45,615 --> 00:38:47,037
At the same time.
660
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,747
- I'm telling you!
- Yeah? Bullshit.
661
00:38:48,910 --> 00:38:50,287
Oh. That's mean.
662
00:38:50,453 --> 00:38:52,053
No, it's nothing to be
ashamed of either.
663
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:55,546
It's really hard to do.
For guys it's so easy.
664
00:38:55,708 --> 00:38:57,210
It's just...
You know, it's friction.
665
00:38:57,377 --> 00:39:00,756
But for girls there's a whole
lot of intangibles down there.
666
00:39:00,922 --> 00:39:02,720
And it's bad that we fake it.
667
00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:05,385
It's not good for you.
It doesn't help us.
668
00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:06,929
It doesn't help the next girl.
669
00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:09,894
Hmm. Oh, but you're
a really great kisser.
670
00:39:10,056 --> 00:39:11,774
- Mmm.
- Yeah. You got that down pat.
671
00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:14,053
- I practise on my hand.
- It's just... the other stuff.
672
00:39:14,060 --> 00:39:15,482
But I had a good time.
673
00:39:15,645 --> 00:39:16,897
OK.
674
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:19,191
Well, yep, let's talk
about this.
675
00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:22,657
So what, er...
Yeah, what did I do wrong?
676
00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:26,372
OK, it's not about
what you did wrong.
677
00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:28,954
It's just how people sync up.
678
00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:30,790
You know, how they fit together.
679
00:39:30,952 --> 00:39:32,920
Mm-hm.
And we didn't sync up well?
680
00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:35,377
- Do you think we did?
- Well, it's the first time.
681
00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:37,140
It's awkward.
You don't know what to say.
682
00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:39,298
You don't know what
you're touching. It's awkward.
683
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,135
It's not like that changes
after the first time.
684
00:39:43,298 --> 00:39:48,270
Well, I mean, eventually
they learn what you like more,
685
00:39:48,428 --> 00:39:51,102
but you can never
talk about it openly
686
00:39:51,264 --> 00:39:52,766
'cause guys are so sensitive.
687
00:39:52,932 --> 00:39:56,027
You know, suggesting
just the tiniest thing
688
00:39:56,185 --> 00:39:57,687
and it freaks them out
689
00:39:57,854 --> 00:40:00,323
because then they think you've
been thinking that every time.
690
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:02,404
Then they get mad that you
didn't say something earlier
691
00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:03,967
and you didn't
say something earlier
692
00:40:04,110 --> 00:40:05,487
because it would've been
too soon.
693
00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:07,155
The only thing
that there is to do
694
00:40:07,322 --> 00:40:09,165
is train them to recognise
different levels of moans
695
00:40:09,324 --> 00:40:10,844
without them realising
you're doing it,
696
00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:12,577
in my experience.
697
00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:17,332
- Wow.
- It works.
698
00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:19,125
Or maybe it's just me.
699
00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:20,669
No. It's like camp, you know?
700
00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:23,008
You have to do
this activity with a partner,
701
00:40:23,171 --> 00:40:24,798
but you can't say anything
702
00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:26,341
so you're stumbling
your way through it.
703
00:40:26,507 --> 00:40:27,884
Yeah. It's just like camp.
704
00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:29,769
- Mm-hm.
- What camp did you go to?
705
00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:31,305
Holy shit!
706
00:40:31,471 --> 00:40:35,351
I just had a great idea.
Do you feel it, the two of us?
707
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,814
It's a pretty good opportunity
right now.
708
00:40:37,977 --> 00:40:39,354
What... What is?
709
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,739
This. Right here.
710
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:44,026
- I'm not...
- You don't get it?
711
00:40:44,192 --> 00:40:46,240
OK, look, listen to me -
so we're trapped.
712
00:40:46,402 --> 00:40:48,530
We're, like, this incredible
experiment right now.
713
00:40:48,696 --> 00:40:50,073
We're lab rats.
714
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:52,759
We've had sex, but we don't have
feelings for each other, right?
715
00:40:52,909 --> 00:40:54,707
And as soon as that snow clears,
you're gone.
716
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:56,246
Like Mexico gone.
717
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,289
We don't know
any of the same people,
718
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:00,925
so we're probably never
gonna see each other again.
719
00:41:01,084 --> 00:41:02,256
Yes.
720
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,762
So we can use this time
to be honest with each other,
721
00:41:04,921 --> 00:41:06,343
and we can give
each other advice
722
00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:08,600
and constructive criticism
to make each other better lovers
723
00:41:08,758 --> 00:41:10,852
for the next person
that comes along.
724
00:41:11,010 --> 00:41:15,481
OK, firstly, you cannot
pull off the word 'lovers'.
725
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,062
I think I can.
726
00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:18,977
Secondly, what you are proposing
is potentially...
727
00:41:19,143 --> 00:41:21,145
It's a horrible... It sucks!
It's a bad idea.
728
00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:22,484
- Don't... What?!
- Are you kidding me?
729
00:41:22,647 --> 00:41:24,240
This is the best idea
I've ever had!
730
00:41:24,399 --> 00:41:26,276
- That's so sad!
- Look, Megan, listen.
731
00:41:26,442 --> 00:41:28,490
You can't just,
like, drop a bomb on me
732
00:41:28,653 --> 00:41:30,493
like, "Hey, maybe
you've never made a girl come
733
00:41:30,571 --> 00:41:31,948
"in your entire fucking life,"
734
00:41:32,115 --> 00:41:33,867
and then say
you don't wanna talk about it.
735
00:41:34,033 --> 00:41:35,501
I wanna talk!
736
00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:38,664
Guys can't handle constructive
criticism about that stuff.
737
00:41:38,830 --> 00:41:40,377
You'll get all pissy.
738
00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:44,511
No. I promise you that I will
not get pissy if you don't.
739
00:41:44,669 --> 00:41:46,262
What do you mean if I don't?
740
00:41:46,421 --> 00:41:48,048
Oh, did you think this was just,
741
00:41:48,214 --> 00:41:49,682
like, a one-way street
or something?
742
00:41:49,841 --> 00:41:51,263
You think
you got pointers for me?
743
00:41:51,426 --> 00:41:54,521
Well, yeah.
A thing or two crossed my mind.
744
00:41:54,679 --> 00:41:57,523
But I guess you'll never know.
745
00:41:57,682 --> 00:41:59,355
Will you?
746
00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:03,863
Jesus. Fine.
Alright. I bite - go.
747
00:42:04,022 --> 00:42:05,524
OK, great. This is good.
748
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:09,490
Now, this is not just you -
I wanna make that clear.
749
00:42:09,652 --> 00:42:12,701
Um, OK, the lights-off thing -
what the fuck is that?
750
00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:14,241
If the lights are off,
751
00:42:14,407 --> 00:42:16,876
like you requested
and I so gentlemanly obliged,
752
00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:19,208
I could be having sex
with anything, literally!
753
00:42:19,370 --> 00:42:21,418
But I don't wanna be
having sex with anything.
754
00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:24,004
I wanna be having sex with you.
755
00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:26,465
Not you specifically,
but, like, the universal you.
756
00:42:27,837 --> 00:42:30,841
Lights on? Wow...
757
00:42:31,007 --> 00:42:32,384
All guys feel that way?
758
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:34,723
I can only speak for me
and my friends, but yeah.
759
00:42:34,886 --> 00:42:37,685
Duh! Girls hear that more than
hello. That's what you got?
760
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,690
All I'm saying is
that we're young
761
00:42:39,849 --> 00:42:42,102
and we're hot-looking people
762
00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:44,270
and we should embrace that shit
while we have it.
763
00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:47,532
Alright, fine! Guys like
to do it with the lights on.
764
00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:50,193
Noted. Awesome. Shocked.
What else you got?
765
00:42:50,359 --> 00:42:52,077
- Do you want more?
- Do you have more?
766
00:42:52,236 --> 00:42:54,705
Yeah, I do. OK. Um...
767
00:42:54,864 --> 00:42:56,912
What else do you do
that I don't like?
768
00:42:57,075 --> 00:43:00,170
OK, yeah, you do this thing
where you stand up from the bed
769
00:43:00,328 --> 00:43:02,547
and you kind of turn
halfway around
770
00:43:02,705 --> 00:43:05,458
and then you get undressed
as fast as you can all at once
771
00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,047
and it's like
you're getting ready
772
00:43:07,210 --> 00:43:08,587
for a physical or something.
773
00:43:08,753 --> 00:43:10,755
I've never had any complaints
about how rapidly I undress.
774
00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:13,550
- Most guys like naked me.
- I love naked you.
775
00:43:13,716 --> 00:43:16,390
Naked you is awesome to look at.
And touch.
776
00:43:16,552 --> 00:43:17,929
What I mean
777
00:43:18,096 --> 00:43:20,519
is that you could make
the getting naked there part
778
00:43:20,681 --> 00:43:22,775
a little, like...
779
00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,902
Whuzzat... boom!
780
00:43:25,061 --> 00:43:27,314
...and then you take
your bra off from the side.
781
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,949
You could even imaginary pole -
just bring it.
782
00:43:30,108 --> 00:43:32,486
- Smack it. Bring it down...
- Oh, God!
783
00:43:32,652 --> 00:43:35,656
Bring it up. Do the little
ass thing with your underwear.
784
00:43:35,822 --> 00:43:39,042
"Hey! I dropped something -
my panties."
785
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,577
You could flick it up,
catch it.
786
00:43:40,743 --> 00:43:42,586
Then I don't care
what you do with it.
787
00:43:42,745 --> 00:43:44,247
Actually, that wasn't...
that wasn't terrible.
788
00:43:44,413 --> 00:43:45,960
You should put on heels
and try it.
789
00:43:46,124 --> 00:43:48,377
Yeah, you're right.
This is weird. Um...
790
00:43:48,543 --> 00:43:51,296
No, no. No.
Man up. Finish.
791
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:53,510
Just get ready for an onslaught.
792
00:43:53,673 --> 00:43:55,713
That definitely didn't
sound like it was in the vein
793
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:58,120
of constructive criticism,
but I will continue nonetheless.
794
00:43:58,261 --> 00:44:01,936
Look, all... I'm saying
795
00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:06,103
is that guys like undressing.
796
00:44:06,269 --> 00:44:10,069
And you could make it
more of a... thing.
797
00:44:10,231 --> 00:44:11,778
- OK.
- OK.
798
00:44:11,941 --> 00:44:13,989
Lastly, when I was
inside of you,
799
00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:15,825
you started doing this thing...
800
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,364
You started helping
yourself a little bit
801
00:44:17,530 --> 00:44:22,252
and it kind of made me
feel like I was being benched.
802
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:24,037
- Second string.
- Noted.
803
00:44:24,203 --> 00:44:25,705
- OK.
- Duly noted.
804
00:44:25,872 --> 00:44:27,249
- Is it my turn?
- Yeah.
805
00:44:27,415 --> 00:44:31,261
- OK. Don't ever do that.
- That's the international thing.
806
00:44:31,419 --> 00:44:33,262
OK, I don't know
who first taught guys
807
00:44:33,421 --> 00:44:35,765
to do that alphabet
with their tongue thing,
808
00:44:35,923 --> 00:44:38,722
but it kind of makes me
feel like I'm Helen Keller
809
00:44:38,885 --> 00:44:41,855
being fucked by her teacher.
810
00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:44,687
And that is not
a fantasy of yours?
811
00:44:44,849 --> 00:44:47,318
There was a moment,
one moment during foreplay
812
00:44:47,476 --> 00:44:49,570
in which I was maybe
close to coming,
813
00:44:49,729 --> 00:44:51,481
and I believe I subtly
pointed this out.
814
00:44:51,647 --> 00:44:53,194
Do you remember
what it was I said?
815
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:55,906
- "I'm close to coming."
- Yes! Uh-huh.
816
00:44:56,068 --> 00:44:58,992
And then after I said that, you
switched up what you were doing.
817
00:44:59,155 --> 00:45:01,453
Just what was
your thought process there?
818
00:45:01,616 --> 00:45:04,961
Um, I mean, honestly, l thought
I was doing a finishing move.
819
00:45:05,119 --> 00:45:06,559
Kind of like
a 'Mortal Kombat' thing.
820
00:45:06,662 --> 00:45:08,664
Like, "Finish her!"
And, like, really hit it.
821
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,959
I thought I was doing
something like that. It's not?
822
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:12,923
Next time, just keep on doing
823
00:45:13,085 --> 00:45:15,213
what it is was that
you were doing
824
00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:18,303
because you got her to third
and you can...
825
00:45:18,466 --> 00:45:19,968
- You can get her home.
- OK.
826
00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:22,353
You waited for me
to undress you,
827
00:45:22,511 --> 00:45:25,264
which is unnecessary
and also a little weird
828
00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:27,559
'cause I'm not your mom
tucking you into bed.
829
00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:30,319
You kept trying to give me
hickeys, which nobody likes.
830
00:45:30,478 --> 00:45:32,321
Oh, and you went,
like, way too fast,
831
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,699
like you were drilling me
for oil.
832
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:38,532
You know, like, my whole body
was, like...
833
00:45:38,694 --> 00:45:40,446
And then, oh,
you did find my G spot,
834
00:45:40,613 --> 00:45:42,536
but kind of like a drive-by,
which was cool,
835
00:45:42,698 --> 00:45:46,293
but then you kept going...
and I so wanted you to stop.
836
00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:48,921
Oh, OK, alright. Um...
837
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:53,130
When a girl is helping herself,
that's a good fucking thing.
838
00:45:53,292 --> 00:45:55,590
My ex was weird about that too,
and it's...
839
00:45:55,753 --> 00:45:57,380
It's not like we're competing
840
00:45:57,546 --> 00:46:00,800
on some awesome erotic
Japanese game show.
841
00:46:00,967 --> 00:46:03,390
We are having sex.
842
00:46:03,552 --> 00:46:06,351
You know, like,
embrace the team spirit.
843
00:46:06,514 --> 00:46:08,858
Oh, and last night,
when we were done,
844
00:46:09,016 --> 00:46:10,859
you retreated to
the other side of the bed
845
00:46:11,018 --> 00:46:12,691
like you planted
a bomb down there.
846
00:46:12,853 --> 00:46:18,860
So next time, just hold
the girl, count to, like, 10.
847
00:46:19,026 --> 00:46:23,076
It'd go a long way, that one.
You can thank me later.
848
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:27,164
Other than those things, you
were a perfectly adequate lover.
849
00:46:27,326 --> 00:46:30,125
'Adequate'. Wow. Thank you.
850
00:46:32,748 --> 00:46:34,375
'Adequate's not really...
851
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:38,888
See, I knew this would happen.
I told you this was a bad idea.
852
00:46:39,046 --> 00:46:41,048
It's a fine idea. I'm good.
853
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:43,388
I'm like Teflon, baby.
Nothing sticks to me.
854
00:46:43,551 --> 00:46:48,182
We should totally check out the
news, though, for some updates.
855
00:46:48,347 --> 00:46:50,441
As you can see,
this storm is showing
856
00:46:50,599 --> 00:46:52,192
no signs of slowing down.
857
00:46:52,351 --> 00:46:54,524
I want you to look
at something.
858
00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:57,281
Behind me is
the Empire State Building,
859
00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:58,942
but you can't see it.
860
00:46:59,108 --> 00:47:00,951
All you can see is snow.
861
00:47:01,110 --> 00:47:05,160
I bet you 150 bucks Rick Raines
is fully erect right now.
862
00:47:08,075 --> 00:47:10,123
That was funny.
863
00:47:10,286 --> 00:47:12,630
OK, I'm hearing that
that's actually not
864
00:47:12,788 --> 00:47:15,211
where the Empire State
Building is.
865
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:19,966
- Is it cool if I take a shower?
- No.
866
00:47:20,129 --> 00:47:25,101
Yes, it's fine.
The towels are... on the floor.
867
00:47:25,259 --> 00:47:28,638
Reporting from the streets of
New York City, I'm Rick Raines.
868
00:47:56,791 --> 00:47:58,885
I just got off the phone
with the governor's office
869
00:47:59,043 --> 00:48:01,421
and they told me this storm
is a real motherfucker.
870
00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:03,339
That was quick.
871
00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:07,559
What if we tried again?
872
00:48:07,718 --> 00:48:09,311
I can't take any more critiques.
873
00:48:09,470 --> 00:48:14,943
No, I mean what
if we tried again?
874
00:48:15,101 --> 00:48:20,779
Tested our theories for science?
875
00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:25,199
For...
876
00:48:26,237 --> 00:48:28,410
...science?
877
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,916
Yeah, I think it'd
be really helpful for me
878
00:48:31,075 --> 00:48:34,625
'cause I'm more
of a hands-on learner.
879
00:48:36,247 --> 00:48:38,796
Yeah, we could...
we could do that.
880
00:48:38,958 --> 00:48:41,802
Good. OK.
881
00:48:41,961 --> 00:48:45,716
And the channel
of communication stays open.
882
00:48:45,881 --> 00:48:48,009
- Mm-hm.
- We say whatever's on our mind.
883
00:48:48,175 --> 00:48:50,519
- That's the deal.
- OK. We should film it.
884
00:48:50,678 --> 00:48:53,352
- Hmph?
- No? Too far?
885
00:48:53,514 --> 00:48:55,266
Sorry.
886
00:48:56,892 --> 00:48:59,236
How should we start?
887
00:48:59,395 --> 00:49:01,818
OK, so normally
on date situations
888
00:49:01,981 --> 00:49:03,733
there would be more
of a build-up here,
889
00:49:03,899 --> 00:49:05,659
but since this is strictly
a hook-up scenario
890
00:49:05,818 --> 00:49:07,616
I think it'd be fine
if you just...
891
00:49:19,582 --> 00:49:21,960
That's not bad.
892
00:49:33,012 --> 00:49:35,356
Whoa.
893
00:49:44,023 --> 00:49:45,991
OK. Hmm.
894
00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:48,994
OK, so the lack of sheets makes
it look a little crack den-y,
895
00:49:49,153 --> 00:49:51,076
which is great for, like,
a role-playing scenario, but...
896
00:49:51,238 --> 00:49:52,956
- Yeah, it was laundry day.
- Mm-hm.
897
00:49:55,284 --> 00:49:57,958
OK, get over here.
898
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:01,090
They should label it
or something, right?
899
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:03,000
I think it's inside out,
but it's fine.
900
00:50:03,167 --> 00:50:04,919
- Nice.
- That's good. Yeah.
901
00:50:05,085 --> 00:50:07,179
- Where were we?
- Good. Right here.
902
00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:12,723
- Whoa.
- Oh, a fan of the bed push.
903
00:50:12,885 --> 00:50:14,353
That's a classic.
904
00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:16,890
Oh, no, no, no.
Shoes and socks first.
905
00:50:17,056 --> 00:50:20,435
There's never a good time for it
so just, you know, get them off.
906
00:50:20,601 --> 00:50:22,569
Oh, God.
907
00:50:27,983 --> 00:50:30,406
Good compromise. I like that.
908
00:50:30,569 --> 00:50:34,824
Thank you.
I'm like the UN of doing it.
909
00:50:35,866 --> 00:50:37,413
OK.
910
00:51:37,845 --> 00:51:40,598
Is that sort of
what you had in mind?
911
00:51:40,764 --> 00:51:42,937
Yeah, that's good.
That's pretty good.
912
00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:44,647
You got the hang of that. Mm-hm.
913
00:51:44,810 --> 00:51:46,687
Good.
914
00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:05,664
I have sensitive nipples.
915
00:52:08,292 --> 00:52:10,260
That one's real sensitive.
916
00:52:16,008 --> 00:52:18,056
- Any notes?
- No.
917
00:52:27,978 --> 00:52:30,151
No!
918
00:52:30,314 --> 00:52:32,032
If there is one thing
919
00:52:32,191 --> 00:52:34,444
that you take away from
this whole experience - never.
920
00:52:34,610 --> 00:52:36,237
Sorry. I was trying
to cool you off.
921
00:52:36,403 --> 00:52:38,030
My dad used to give me those
922
00:52:38,197 --> 00:52:40,040
and now I am just
thinking about my dad.
923
00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:41,792
Ew. That's gross. I'm sorry.
924
00:52:48,874 --> 00:52:51,002
That's better.
925
00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:57,342
That is much better.
926
00:52:59,510 --> 00:53:01,683
Japanese alphabet.
927
00:53:02,721 --> 00:53:05,691
Thank you, Rosetta Stone.
928
00:53:18,404 --> 00:53:22,034
- Holy shit!
- That was awesome.
929
00:53:32,459 --> 00:53:34,928
Hey.
930
00:53:35,087 --> 00:53:37,135
Up and at 'em.
931
00:53:40,217 --> 00:53:42,345
Wake up!
932
00:53:43,387 --> 00:53:47,017
- Hey.
- We fell asleep.
933
00:53:47,182 --> 00:53:49,776
Yeah. Is that a problem?
934
00:53:49,935 --> 00:53:51,778
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
935
00:53:51,937 --> 00:53:55,441
I don't see what the educational
purposes of it are.
936
00:53:58,193 --> 00:54:00,742
Plus, I'm hungry.
937
00:54:04,199 --> 00:54:05,917
- Um...
- We're gonna starve.
938
00:54:06,076 --> 00:54:08,670
Not if you like
mustard.
939
00:54:08,829 --> 00:54:10,456
Why don't you have food?
940
00:54:10,622 --> 00:54:12,340
Well, I had food,
941
00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:14,843
then we ate it all
when we were really high.
942
00:54:15,002 --> 00:54:17,096
Oh, yeah.
943
00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,808
Three-year-old banana?
944
00:54:22,134 --> 00:54:24,182
Oh, here we go.
945
00:54:30,726 --> 00:54:33,900
This might have to last days.
946
00:54:34,062 --> 00:54:36,815
- We'll ration it.
- OK.
947
00:54:41,361 --> 00:54:42,954
This is good.
948
00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:44,786
Alright, we just
need to get creative.
949
00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:48,077
Give me, like, 10 minutes.
I'll figure something out.
950
00:54:48,243 --> 00:54:49,836
- OK, but don't hog.
- Alright.
951
00:54:49,995 --> 00:54:52,965
You wanna go back to bed?
Let me figure it out.
952
00:55:03,675 --> 00:55:06,269
Special delivery.
953
00:55:11,517 --> 00:55:13,565
- Where did you get these?
- Hmm?
954
00:55:13,727 --> 00:55:15,729
Don't worry about it.
955
00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:20,284
These are your
neighbour's noodles.
956
00:55:20,442 --> 00:55:23,366
- Uh-uh.
- These are contraband noodles!
957
00:55:23,529 --> 00:55:26,533
You threw such a hissy fit about
the window and now look at you.
958
00:55:26,698 --> 00:55:28,575
You are a common thief.
959
00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:30,744
I know.
960
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:33,790
And, for the record, I actually
thought it was pretty bad-ass
961
00:55:33,956 --> 00:55:35,583
when you broke
that window like that.
962
00:55:35,749 --> 00:55:38,252
Thank you! I did too.
963
00:55:49,346 --> 00:55:51,474
You might not be
the worst person in the world
964
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,187
to be stuck with.
965
00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:55,853
Right back at ya.
966
00:55:58,063 --> 00:55:59,610
So were your parents doctors?
967
00:55:59,773 --> 00:56:01,491
- Uh-uh.
- Oh.
968
00:56:01,650 --> 00:56:03,368
I thought maybe they were
969
00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:06,155
and that's why you rebelled and
didn't want to do it anymore.
970
00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:07,994
So what happened?
971
00:56:08,156 --> 00:56:10,158
It doesn't matter.
972
00:56:11,201 --> 00:56:14,205
Yeah, it does. Come on.
You can tell me.
973
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:15,873
It wouldn't even
make sense to you.
974
00:56:16,039 --> 00:56:17,757
Everything makes sense to me.
975
00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:21,466
It's the burden of being
a genius. I can't help it.
976
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:24,381
Pfft!
977
00:56:24,548 --> 00:56:26,642
Well, it's not, um...
978
00:56:27,676 --> 00:56:29,804
...it's not that I stopped
wanting to be a doctor.
979
00:56:29,970 --> 00:56:32,189
So you do want to be a doctor.
980
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,065
Mmm...
981
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:38,441
No, I mean
I didn't change my mind.
982
00:56:38,604 --> 00:56:41,403
I never wanted to be
a doctor, ever. Eugh!
983
00:56:41,565 --> 00:56:43,112
Then why would you
go into pre-med?
984
00:56:43,275 --> 00:56:46,620
OK, um...
985
00:56:47,738 --> 00:56:50,287
So...
986
00:56:50,449 --> 00:56:53,999
...I was engaged once.
987
00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:59,459
"Once." It sounds like
I'm writing a memoir.
988
00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:02,127
I was engaged recently.
989
00:57:02,294 --> 00:57:06,219
We dated through high school.
I followed him to NYU.
990
00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:09,806
When I had to pick a major,
I, uh...
991
00:57:09,968 --> 00:57:13,438
Well, I never actually
planned on needing it.
992
00:57:13,597 --> 00:57:17,522
I just wanted
to be a wife and a mom.
993
00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:22,398
See,
people always look at you funny
994
00:57:22,564 --> 00:57:24,191
when you say something like that
995
00:57:24,358 --> 00:57:26,076
'cause they feel bad
for you or they...
996
00:57:26,234 --> 00:57:29,078
I'm not... Sorry. I wasn't
trying to look at you funny.
997
00:57:29,237 --> 00:57:30,705
No, no, it's fine.
998
00:57:30,864 --> 00:57:33,162
They think that you're
missing out on something.
999
00:57:33,325 --> 00:57:35,828
But I don't know.
1000
00:57:35,994 --> 00:57:40,295
I mean, it worked for my parents
1001
00:57:40,457 --> 00:57:43,586
and I always thought
that I would do the same.
1002
00:57:45,420 --> 00:57:47,889
And then the universe
called my bluff.
1003
00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:49,675
What happened?
1004
00:57:49,841 --> 00:57:51,889
- He cheated.
- Ohh.
1005
00:57:52,052 --> 00:57:55,306
Yeah, and sadly that
wasn't even the deal breaker.
1006
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:59,898
I wanted to work through it,
but he wanted out.
1007
00:58:00,060 --> 00:58:04,611
He said he wanted to find a girl
with more of her own life.
1008
00:58:04,773 --> 00:58:07,993
He dropped the word
'ambition' a few times.
1009
00:58:08,151 --> 00:58:10,028
Ooh, yep, I've had that word
1010
00:58:10,195 --> 00:58:12,698
thrown at me a few times too,
believe it or not.
1011
00:58:12,864 --> 00:58:14,741
I believe it.
1012
00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:17,377
Ambition is such bullshit.
1013
00:58:17,536 --> 00:58:19,163
Seriously,
it's just chasing vapour.
1014
00:58:19,329 --> 00:58:21,878
Like, whatever it is
that you think that you need,
1015
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:23,758
that job or that gold star,
1016
00:58:23,917 --> 00:58:27,217
a blue ribbon, fancy desk,
nice office, like, it doesn't...
1017
00:58:27,379 --> 00:58:29,059
Once you get that,
you're gonna be confused
1018
00:58:29,214 --> 00:58:30,682
because you're not
gonna be as happy
1019
00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:32,343
as you thought
you were gonna be.
1020
00:58:32,509 --> 00:58:34,136
Then you're gonna
be sitting there being, like,
1021
00:58:34,302 --> 00:58:36,680
"Why aren't I happy?
I have this. I got the desk."
1022
00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:38,349
Because, man,
there's another desk.
1023
00:58:38,515 --> 00:58:39,995
There's always
gonna be something more
1024
00:58:40,142 --> 00:58:41,822
your ambition
is telling you that you need.
1025
00:58:41,893 --> 00:58:44,191
So it's the next thing,
then when you get that,
1026
00:58:44,354 --> 00:58:45,947
there's another thing -
it's an endless cycle.
1027
00:58:46,106 --> 00:58:47,574
You're forced into retirement,
kicking and screaming.
1028
00:58:47,733 --> 00:58:50,486
Next thing you know, you're in
a big house, got 4.5 bathrooms,
1029
00:58:50,652 --> 00:58:52,905
you don't even have a
ping-pong table and you're dead.
1030
00:58:53,071 --> 00:58:55,494
- Let's fucking go blow shit up!
- Like, you're dead.
1031
00:58:55,657 --> 00:58:58,536
I just blacked out
for a second.
1032
00:58:58,702 --> 00:59:00,500
Thank you for staying
with me on that.
1033
00:59:00,662 --> 00:59:03,040
I didn't know if I was gonna
come out the other side.
1034
00:59:03,206 --> 00:59:04,753
Blowing up stuff always helps.
1035
00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:08,967
So what happened with that guy?
1036
00:59:09,129 --> 00:59:11,257
Nothing.
1037
00:59:11,423 --> 00:59:15,303
A semester later,
I graduated with a degree
1038
00:59:15,469 --> 00:59:19,940
I have no intention of using...
1039
00:59:21,183 --> 00:59:23,151
...and here I am.
1040
00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:25,733
So you've really never had
a one-night stand before?
1041
00:59:25,896 --> 00:59:28,194
I told you this, like,
a hundred times.
1042
00:59:28,356 --> 00:59:30,556
Well, you should know they
usually don't last this long.
1043
00:59:30,692 --> 00:59:33,787
Well, that's a bummer.
1044
00:59:34,821 --> 00:59:36,744
Wow.
1045
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:41,044
- That guy is so screwed.
- What do you mean?
1046
00:59:41,203 --> 00:59:42,830
You said he met you
in high school.
1047
00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:44,464
- Right?
- Mm-hm.
1048
00:59:44,623 --> 00:59:47,251
So he thinks that you're
a certain type of girl
1049
00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:50,671
and he thinks that he will
meet that same type of girl
1050
00:59:50,837 --> 00:59:52,635
later in his life
when he's ready,
1051
00:59:52,798 --> 00:59:56,928
but when he's ready
that girl's not gonna be there.
1052
00:59:57,094 --> 01:00:00,348
He has no idea how rare you are.
1053
01:00:02,307 --> 01:00:05,607
- What are those?
- What?
1054
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:07,897
Those. Oh!
1055
01:00:08,063 --> 01:00:11,192
You're giving me googly eyes.
You totally are.
1056
01:00:11,358 --> 01:00:13,156
You're giving me googly eyes!
1057
01:00:13,318 --> 01:00:15,412
I'm just really
thirsty right now
1058
01:00:15,570 --> 01:00:17,288
so those are my thirsty eyes.
1059
01:00:17,447 --> 01:00:20,291
You look thirsty too.
I'm gonna get us some drinks.
1060
01:00:31,211 --> 01:00:32,929
Can I pull a classic girl move
1061
01:00:33,088 --> 01:00:35,682
and confiscate your
biggest, comfiest sweatshirt?
1062
01:00:35,841 --> 01:00:37,889
And I promise
I will not steal it.
1063
01:00:38,051 --> 01:00:39,724
Yeah, one sec.
1064
01:00:58,572 --> 01:01:01,917
Please be a cross-dresser.
1065
01:01:17,883 --> 01:01:19,430
I found some peach schnapps.
1066
01:01:19,593 --> 01:01:21,311
The bottle was a little dusty,
1067
01:01:21,469 --> 01:01:24,393
but I think the liquor's
still... good.
1068
01:01:30,645 --> 01:01:33,148
So where's Daisy?
1069
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:36,819
San Francisco.
1070
01:01:39,654 --> 01:01:41,281
You're with her?
1071
01:01:43,366 --> 01:01:45,414
That's a tough question
to answer.
1072
01:01:47,662 --> 01:01:49,881
No, it's not.
1073
01:01:51,041 --> 01:01:52,918
See, you just did.
1074
01:01:53,084 --> 01:01:56,429
Megan, here. Look.
Let's talk about this.
1075
01:01:56,588 --> 01:02:01,435
Have the place to yourself and,
boy, do you make the most of it.
1076
01:02:02,552 --> 01:02:04,350
When does she get back?
1077
01:02:04,512 --> 01:02:06,232
She was supposed
to get back this afternoon,
1078
01:02:06,389 --> 01:02:08,517
but her flight got cancelled.
1079
01:02:09,935 --> 01:02:11,983
I heard about that.
1080
01:02:12,145 --> 01:02:15,991
Apparently there's
this huge fucking blizzard.
1081
01:02:16,149 --> 01:02:18,117
Jeez.
1082
01:02:20,403 --> 01:02:23,657
You know, I always wondered
what it would be like
1083
01:02:23,823 --> 01:02:26,793
to get to be the other girl.
1084
01:02:26,952 --> 01:02:29,546
It feels better.
1085
01:02:29,704 --> 01:02:33,208
Not great,
but undeniably better.
1086
01:02:34,501 --> 01:02:36,845
Hold on.
1087
01:02:43,093 --> 01:02:45,221
Thank God it stopped.
1088
01:02:51,309 --> 01:02:54,688
Let's take a look
at some of the outside stuff.
1089
01:02:54,854 --> 01:02:56,606
We're looking
at the New Jersey Transit,
1090
01:02:56,773 --> 01:02:58,741
making local stops
all day long.
1091
01:03:00,819 --> 01:03:03,914
- Can I show you something?
- Please just leave me alone.
1092
01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:09,954
But I'm not mad. How can I be?
I didn't ask and you didn't lie.
1093
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:12,498
I wanted meaningless sex
and I got it.
1094
01:03:12,664 --> 01:03:15,383
Here. Let me show you this.
1095
01:03:15,542 --> 01:03:17,169
Please.
1096
01:03:24,009 --> 01:03:26,011
So she dumped you,
but you still live with her?
1097
01:03:26,177 --> 01:03:29,226
- She didn't give it to me yet.
- I don't understand.
1098
01:03:29,389 --> 01:03:30,936
And honestly I don't care.
1099
01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:33,727
Three weeks ago she asked me
to look for her wallet
1100
01:03:33,893 --> 01:03:35,770
and when I was
looking for her wallet
1101
01:03:35,937 --> 01:03:37,314
I accidentally found this.
1102
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:39,357
I didn't know what to do.
1103
01:03:39,524 --> 01:03:41,447
So I gave her
her wallet back at lunch
1104
01:03:41,609 --> 01:03:43,361
and then the next day
she left for tour.
1105
01:03:43,528 --> 01:03:45,155
Tour? What is she, like...
1106
01:03:45,322 --> 01:03:48,121
- She's a DJ.
- Huh. Of course.
1107
01:03:49,159 --> 01:03:51,628
Of course she's, like,
the coolest girl imaginable.
1108
01:03:51,786 --> 01:03:54,335
I made that profile because
I wanted to have something
1109
01:03:54,497 --> 01:03:58,377
to throw in her face whenever
she went to pull the trigger
1110
01:03:58,543 --> 01:04:01,012
and I know that's very immature.
1111
01:04:01,171 --> 01:04:02,673
You could have
broken up with her.
1112
01:04:02,839 --> 01:04:06,935
Yeah, yeah,
I thought about that.
1113
01:04:07,969 --> 01:04:10,472
People talk about
how great it is to be single
1114
01:04:10,638 --> 01:04:12,481
and that's bullshit.
1115
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:14,893
"Join the single party."
It's not a party.
1116
01:04:15,060 --> 01:04:18,940
It's a bunch of people sitting
around in the dark texting.
1117
01:04:19,105 --> 01:04:21,305
...how slow the ploughing is
going in the outer boroughs
1118
01:04:21,399 --> 01:04:24,118
such as Queens and Brooklyn
are not falling on deaf ears.
1119
01:04:24,277 --> 01:04:25,654
We're hearing from
the sanitation department
1120
01:04:25,820 --> 01:04:27,197
that they're getting
that done right away...
1121
01:04:27,364 --> 01:04:30,994
And I did something stupid
and I'm sorry.
1122
01:04:31,159 --> 01:04:33,662
...the subways and buses
are starting to run as well.
1123
01:04:33,828 --> 01:04:35,546
Excuse me.
1124
01:05:13,284 --> 01:05:15,878
Megan, wait. Hey.
1125
01:05:16,037 --> 01:05:18,381
Look. Come on. I didn't...
What was I supposed to do?
1126
01:05:18,540 --> 01:05:20,759
I didn't even know
that you existed and I don't...
1127
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:25,343
Look, I don't want her.
I want you. I want you.
1128
01:05:25,505 --> 01:05:28,554
And what makes you think
that I want you?
1129
01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:31,936
You're just some funny guy
who works at a bank.
1130
01:05:32,095 --> 01:05:34,097
I think you severely
overestimate
1131
01:05:34,264 --> 01:05:37,234
your ability to break hearts.
1132
01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:45,401
Come on.
1133
01:06:31,863 --> 01:06:33,581
Oh, my God. Megan!
1134
01:06:33,740 --> 01:06:36,835
- Hey-
- Hey-
1135
01:06:36,993 --> 01:06:38,836
Is that my duvet?
1136
01:06:38,995 --> 01:06:42,090
- Hi.
- Oh, God.
1137
01:06:43,666 --> 01:06:45,885
You guys are monsters.
1138
01:06:46,044 --> 01:06:47,637
God...! Oh!
1139
01:06:47,795 --> 01:06:50,048
Mmm. How was your date?
1140
01:07:44,811 --> 01:07:47,439
You looked so tired,
I wanted to let you sleep.
1141
01:07:47,605 --> 01:07:50,529
Hey, what are you doing...
1142
01:07:50,692 --> 01:07:53,070
- Daisy, we should talk.
- Yeah, I know.
1143
01:07:53,236 --> 01:07:56,661
- I found the note in the trash.
- I have the note right here.
1144
01:08:08,293 --> 01:08:09,840
When did you find this?
1145
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:13,553
Um, when I was looking
for your wallet...
1146
01:08:13,715 --> 01:08:14,932
...by accident.
1147
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:17,514
I see what's going on here.
1148
01:08:17,677 --> 01:08:20,271
You read this and then
you wanted me to come home
1149
01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:23,309
and find this slutty
little lipstick haiku
1150
01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:25,568
so that you could be the one
that ended us.
1151
01:08:25,727 --> 01:08:27,946
It's not a haiku.
There's not enough syllables.
1152
01:08:28,104 --> 01:08:30,106
You are a child.
1153
01:08:30,273 --> 01:08:31,900
Yeah.
1154
01:08:32,942 --> 01:08:36,242
Look, Daisy, we both know that
we weren't right for each other
1155
01:08:36,404 --> 01:08:39,374
and I think we both knew that
for a long time, but it's fine.
1156
01:08:39,532 --> 01:08:43,127
We were just scared the perfect
person wasn't out there for us.
1157
01:08:44,954 --> 01:08:46,501
And what if they're not?
1158
01:08:46,664 --> 01:08:49,463
I think they are.
1159
01:08:52,712 --> 01:08:54,430
OK, so what now?
1160
01:08:54,589 --> 01:08:57,843
I can move my stuff
over to Kevin's place.
1161
01:08:58,009 --> 01:08:59,807
He owes me for a plunger.
1162
01:09:01,137 --> 01:09:02,935
OK.
1163
01:09:04,182 --> 01:09:06,059
Let me know when you're out.
1164
01:09:07,727 --> 01:09:09,400
Hey, Daisy.
1165
01:09:09,562 --> 01:09:12,816
- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
1166
01:09:12,982 --> 01:09:15,906
Did you ever... fake it?
1167
01:09:16,944 --> 01:09:21,575
Wow - a year together, done,
1168
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:23,621
and that's what you're
thinking about right now?
1169
01:09:23,785 --> 01:09:26,083
No, I'm thinking of
all kinds of stuff right now.
1170
01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:29,545
I'm thinking of memories
and feelings and...
1171
01:09:29,707 --> 01:09:33,428
But I just need to know if...
Did you do that?
1172
01:09:34,587 --> 01:09:36,965
Yeah.
1173
01:09:37,131 --> 01:09:40,101
I'm sorry. I got lazy. Mm-hm.
1174
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:41,886
But you shouldn't
have faked it, OK,
1175
01:09:42,053 --> 01:09:43,600
'cause that's not
helping anybody.
1176
01:09:43,763 --> 01:09:45,561
You gotta communicate.
1177
01:09:45,723 --> 01:09:47,851
What happened to you?
1178
01:10:03,574 --> 01:10:05,668
Tell her. Talk to her.
1179
01:10:06,703 --> 01:10:08,671
Megan, Faiza has something
she wants to tell you.
1180
01:10:08,830 --> 01:10:10,673
OK.
1181
01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,584
Listen, normally
I'd wait to bring this up
1182
01:10:12,750 --> 01:10:14,423
until after you'd
recovered a bit,
1183
01:10:14,585 --> 01:10:16,713
but Cedric and I sort of enjoyed
1184
01:10:16,879 --> 01:10:18,881
having the place to ourselves
the past couple of nights.
1185
01:10:19,048 --> 01:10:20,675
We did.
1186
01:10:20,842 --> 01:10:22,594
And I wasn't sure that we would
1187
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:25,263
'cause I am so used to you
always being here, you know,
1188
01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:31,278
like nonstop,
all the time, um, but...
1189
01:10:31,436 --> 01:10:32,983
Baby, help me out, please.
1190
01:10:33,146 --> 01:10:35,695
Yeah, basically we were just
thinking what if you moved out?
1191
01:10:35,857 --> 01:10:37,655
You know, like,
what would that be like?
1192
01:10:37,817 --> 01:10:39,911
And you have to understand
you can stay here
1193
01:10:40,069 --> 01:10:42,413
as long as you need
till you get on your feet -
1194
01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:45,166
a couple of days, three days,
however long you want.
1195
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:48,703
- Four days.
- OK.
1196
01:10:48,870 --> 01:10:51,965
No, I think... l think
it's a really good idea.
1197
01:10:52,123 --> 01:10:54,672
- You do?
- She said she does.
1198
01:10:54,834 --> 01:10:57,508
Look, I only moved
to New York because of Chris
1199
01:10:57,670 --> 01:11:00,014
and I thought
that if I went home
1200
01:11:00,173 --> 01:11:02,096
it'd just be admitting that.
1201
01:11:02,258 --> 01:11:05,808
So I stayed and made sure
that the internet wasn't lonely.
1202
01:11:05,970 --> 01:11:08,940
I needed a kick in the ass.
1203
01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:11,647
Cool. So do you know
what you're gonna do?
1204
01:11:11,809 --> 01:11:14,813
No, no, I have no fucking clue.
1205
01:11:14,979 --> 01:11:18,074
No idea. Uh-uh.
1206
01:11:18,232 --> 01:11:20,985
Do you know what this means?
1207
01:11:21,152 --> 01:11:25,123
That this is our last
New Year's Eve as roommates.
1208
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:31,413
Awesome.
1209
01:11:31,579 --> 01:11:34,708
Yeah, hey, so I realise
this is probably word for word
1210
01:11:34,874 --> 01:11:36,672
something that
a crazy person would say,
1211
01:11:36,834 --> 01:11:39,428
but I met a girl on your website
a few nights ago and...
1212
01:11:39,587 --> 01:11:41,760
I think I can save us
both some time here.
1213
01:11:41,923 --> 01:11:43,846
No, no, no, I don't need
her address or anything.
1214
01:11:44,008 --> 01:11:45,635
I just need
to know her last name.
1215
01:11:45,802 --> 01:11:48,042
I'm sure it was magical, but
we can't give our customers'
1216
01:11:48,137 --> 01:11:50,435
personal information to anyone
other than the police.
1217
01:11:50,598 --> 01:11:52,271
So provided you're not a cop,
1218
01:11:52,433 --> 01:11:55,528
is there anything else
I can help you with today?
1219
01:11:55,686 --> 01:11:57,654
Nope.
1220
01:12:08,199 --> 01:12:11,578
It's not just a show for kids.
Anybody can get into it.
1221
01:12:11,744 --> 01:12:13,462
You know, it's for anybody
1222
01:12:13,621 --> 01:12:16,340
who cherishes
friendship, adventure...
1223
01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:18,797
There's this one character.
Her name is Applejack.
1224
01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:22,214
She's my favourite.
She's such a fireplug.
1225
01:12:22,380 --> 01:12:25,008
She kind of reminds me
of you, actually.
1226
01:12:25,174 --> 01:12:28,223
I think I lost you there.
Excuse me? Hello?
1227
01:12:28,386 --> 01:12:30,104
I'm just gonna
put this out here,
1228
01:12:30,263 --> 01:12:31,981
but you're kind of a fucking
terrible conversationalist.
1229
01:12:32,139 --> 01:12:33,766
I don't know if ever...
1230
01:12:33,933 --> 01:12:37,437
I think it's
because you are so...
1231
01:12:39,522 --> 01:12:40,944
...captivating.
1232
01:12:41,107 --> 01:12:44,361
- Oh, well...
- I am just intimidated as fuck.
1233
01:12:44,527 --> 01:12:46,279
Oh, no. There's nothing
to be scared of!
1234
01:12:46,445 --> 01:12:48,539
- Excuse me.
- No, no, no. Please, please!
1235
01:12:48,698 --> 01:12:51,121
Just... Godammit!
1236
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:54,545
OK, yeah. Alright, great.
1237
01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:56,251
Son of a motherfucking bitch.
1238
01:12:56,414 --> 01:12:59,213
Motherfucking
son of a fucking bitch. Fuck!
1239
01:13:00,251 --> 01:13:03,380
Now it's the moment
you've all been waiting for.
1240
01:13:05,298 --> 01:13:09,019
Whoo!
1241
01:13:11,470 --> 01:13:13,347
Megan!
1242
01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:17,318
Long time no see.
1243
01:13:18,394 --> 01:13:22,615
It's, uh, Ben
from bio class.
1244
01:13:22,773 --> 01:13:25,652
How are you here?
Do you know Faiza?
1245
01:13:25,818 --> 01:13:28,071
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm good buddies with Cedric.
1246
01:13:28,237 --> 01:13:31,662
We're going to get more booze.
Have fun, you two.
1247
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:41,294
You! You were
the dumb pretty guy. Oh!
1248
01:13:41,459 --> 01:13:43,587
Uh, thank you?
1249
01:13:43,753 --> 01:13:47,098
Mm-hm. I was
supposed to bang you.
1250
01:13:47,256 --> 01:13:50,135
This is the universe
correcting itself.
1251
01:13:50,301 --> 01:13:51,928
Oops!
1252
01:13:55,014 --> 01:13:57,858
So where'd you decide
on med school?
1253
01:13:58,017 --> 01:14:01,237
I was surprised I got
into both my top choices.
1254
01:14:01,395 --> 01:14:03,022
Now I'm just trying to decide.
1255
01:14:03,189 --> 01:14:07,615
It's a big decision and
obviously my dad has opinions...
1256
01:14:07,777 --> 01:14:09,779
Megan? Megan?
1257
01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:11,448
- You know, it's just...
- Shh, shh.
1258
01:14:11,614 --> 01:14:14,413
Police! Megan? Megan, right?
1259
01:14:14,575 --> 01:14:17,795
Any noise complaints
go to Faiza or to Cedric
1260
01:14:17,954 --> 01:14:19,797
because this
is their apartment now.
1261
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:23,051
Actually, they're asking
for you specifically.
1262
01:14:23,209 --> 01:14:24,802
What the fuck?
1263
01:14:24,961 --> 01:14:27,384
What's up, dog?
1264
01:14:27,546 --> 01:14:32,518
Megan Pagano? You wanna
step in the hall with us?
1265
01:14:34,387 --> 01:14:36,014
Why?
1266
01:14:38,307 --> 01:14:40,856
Officers found this
in the Lo Pans' bathroom.
1267
01:14:41,018 --> 01:14:44,818
You don't understand.
This guy is a psychopath.
1268
01:14:44,981 --> 01:14:46,779
He's setting me up.
1269
01:14:46,941 --> 01:14:48,784
He is setting
this whole thing up,
1270
01:14:48,943 --> 01:14:52,868
which I realise is exactly
what a crazy person would say,
1271
01:14:53,030 --> 01:14:54,703
but that explains my situation.
1272
01:14:54,865 --> 01:14:59,962
He is so crazy that he
is forcing me to sound crazy.
1273
01:15:00,121 --> 01:15:01,668
Do you see what he's doing?
1274
01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:06,086
Ma'am, did you or did you not
break in through the window
1275
01:15:06,252 --> 01:15:08,630
of Mr and Mrs Lo Pan's
apartment?
1276
01:15:12,008 --> 01:15:14,761
You, um...
you got a little...
1277
01:15:15,803 --> 01:15:17,726
Like, some...
1278
01:15:17,888 --> 01:15:20,357
OK, got it.
1279
01:15:21,392 --> 01:15:22,985
Pretty.
1280
01:15:29,942 --> 01:15:32,070
Which one of you
is Megan Pagano?
1281
01:15:33,320 --> 01:15:35,368
You made bail.
1282
01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:37,659
Wait. That's...
That's impossible.
1283
01:15:37,825 --> 01:15:39,668
I haven't even
made a phone call yet.
1284
01:15:39,827 --> 01:15:41,500
She can do that?
1285
01:15:41,662 --> 01:15:44,415
She can refuse my bail?
Are you serious?
1286
01:15:44,582 --> 01:15:47,677
OK, look. I just...
I need to talk to her.
1287
01:15:47,835 --> 01:15:50,008
You can only visit
during visiting hours
1288
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:53,721
and if, and only if,
the person wants to see you,
1289
01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:55,510
which I'm gonna guess
she doesn't
1290
01:15:55,676 --> 01:15:57,223
being that she would rather
1291
01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:59,229
remain locked in jail
than see your face.
1292
01:15:59,388 --> 01:16:00,981
Wow! Rude.
1293
01:16:01,140 --> 01:16:03,063
OK, well, what if I told you
1294
01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:04,977
that I helped her
break into that apartment?
1295
01:16:05,144 --> 01:16:08,193
Then would you
lock me up with her?
1296
01:16:08,355 --> 01:16:12,326
Yeah, that's how
police stations work.
1297
01:16:13,569 --> 01:16:15,537
- Are you being sarcastic?
- Are you serious?
1298
01:16:15,696 --> 01:16:19,542
- I need to talk to her!
- Oh! OK, then.
1299
01:16:19,700 --> 01:16:24,547
Five, four,
three, two, one!
1300
01:16:24,705 --> 01:16:26,753
Happy New Year!
1301
01:16:55,069 --> 01:16:56,867
How about these two?
1302
01:16:57,029 --> 01:16:58,906
Are they special enough
to post your bail?
1303
01:16:59,073 --> 01:17:00,916
Oh, my God. What happened?
1304
01:17:01,075 --> 01:17:05,000
- Just take me home.
- Here.
1305
01:17:05,162 --> 01:17:07,256
Hey.
1306
01:17:08,290 --> 01:17:10,167
- Who is that?
- I'm sorry.
1307
01:17:10,334 --> 01:17:12,837
I didn't know your last name.
What was I supposed to do?
1308
01:17:13,003 --> 01:17:14,721
Literally anything but this.
1309
01:17:14,880 --> 01:17:16,760
OK, you're upset,
but, Megan, you felt something
1310
01:17:16,841 --> 01:17:18,343
and I felt something...
1311
01:17:18,509 --> 01:17:20,182
What I felt was
Stockholm syndrome.
1312
01:17:20,344 --> 01:17:23,564
I can't let you walk out another
door without listening to me.
1313
01:17:26,892 --> 01:17:29,691
Why are you doing this?
You have a girlfriend.
1314
01:17:29,854 --> 01:17:32,824
That's over now. Look, Megan.
Hey, let me explain.
1315
01:17:32,982 --> 01:17:35,422
I should've told you about her
and there were times last night
1316
01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:37,161
I wanted to tell you
and I should've,
1317
01:17:37,319 --> 01:17:38,946
but there were
other times last night
1318
01:17:39,113 --> 01:17:40,740
that I forgot other
people even existed
1319
01:17:40,906 --> 01:17:43,034
and I know that sounds stupid
'cause your friends
1320
01:17:43,200 --> 01:17:45,578
are staring at me like
my fucking dick is hanging out.
1321
01:17:48,372 --> 01:17:49,965
I'm sorry. It was funny.
1322
01:17:50,124 --> 01:17:52,218
- Sir.
- OK, let's wrap this up.
1323
01:17:52,376 --> 01:17:54,424
The cop's not happy.
Let's keep the cop happy.
1324
01:17:54,587 --> 01:17:56,635
- Megan?
- You put me in jail!
1325
01:17:56,797 --> 01:17:58,925
- I'm sorry.
- For, like, criminals!
1326
01:17:59,091 --> 01:18:01,372
He's got about five seconds
before he finds out firsthand.
1327
01:18:01,468 --> 01:18:03,812
OK, fine. Fuck! Shit!
1328
01:18:03,971 --> 01:18:07,225
Uh, not directed at you
and not directed at you.
1329
01:18:08,434 --> 01:18:11,187
Look, I messed up.
1330
01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:14,323
I messed up,
but I am really, really sorry.
1331
01:18:14,481 --> 01:18:17,109
But you can't stop us before
we even realise what we could be
1332
01:18:17,276 --> 01:18:18,903
and we should figure that out.
1333
01:18:19,069 --> 01:18:21,288
Maybe... maybe we hang out
1334
01:18:21,447 --> 01:18:23,165
and we realise
we don't like each other.
1335
01:18:23,324 --> 01:18:27,124
Maybe you're very intimidated
by my dancing
1336
01:18:27,286 --> 01:18:31,382
and maybe I find out
you're, like, really racist.
1337
01:18:32,541 --> 01:18:35,044
OK, that was a hypothetical.
1338
01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:38,010
Look, all I'm saying
is that there's a lot of stuff
1339
01:18:38,172 --> 01:18:39,719
that I don't know about you
1340
01:18:39,882 --> 01:18:42,180
and there's a lot
that we need to talk about.
1341
01:18:42,343 --> 01:18:47,941
I spent two nights with you
and that's not enough time.
1342
01:18:50,309 --> 01:18:52,653
Give me more time, please.
1343
01:18:53,729 --> 01:18:55,777
It was a little
shaky in the middle.
1344
01:18:55,940 --> 01:18:58,238
But he finished strong.
I'm touched.
1345
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:01,324
Megan, what do we think?
1346
01:19:04,114 --> 01:19:06,492
I think you put me in jail.
1347
01:19:06,659 --> 01:19:08,957
We're still on that?
Look. Hey, hey, come on.
1348
01:19:09,119 --> 01:19:11,121
Some day you're gonna
laugh about this.
1349
01:19:11,288 --> 01:19:15,088
I promise that you're gonna find
this all very funny some day.
1350
01:19:16,126 --> 01:19:17,878
OK, let's make a deal.
1351
01:19:18,045 --> 01:19:21,219
You give me your number
and leave
1352
01:19:21,382 --> 01:19:25,307
and the minute I laugh about it
I'll let you know.
1353
01:19:51,704 --> 01:19:56,335
Stay as long as you want.
That guy was nuts.
1354
01:20:00,713 --> 01:20:02,807
- Can I hang out with him?
- Cedric.
1355
01:20:02,965 --> 01:20:05,184
I'm just saying. I don't
meet a lot of funny people.
1356
01:20:05,342 --> 01:20:08,266
Funny people
don't drive ambulances.
1357
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:27,073
Shit!
1358
01:20:30,284 --> 01:20:32,753
- Hello?
- You are kind of an idiot.
1359
01:20:32,911 --> 01:20:34,458
Do you realise
that about yourself?
1360
01:20:34,621 --> 01:20:38,171
- You good?
- Yeah, I've heard that.
1361
01:20:38,334 --> 01:20:40,382
- You know that was all me?
- No, it was not.
1362
01:20:40,544 --> 01:20:42,217
What the fuck you
talking about? It was!
1363
01:20:42,379 --> 01:20:43,972
Keeping in the spirit
of constructive criticism,
1364
01:20:44,131 --> 01:20:45,974
the next time you
wanna win a girl back
1365
01:20:46,133 --> 01:20:47,680
after doing something stupid,
1366
01:20:47,843 --> 01:20:49,845
practice your speech
or something,
1367
01:20:50,012 --> 01:20:51,730
you know, for the next girl
1368
01:20:51,889 --> 01:20:56,315
because... because yours
just fucking sucked.
1369
01:20:56,477 --> 01:20:59,731
Shit. I was embarrassed
for you...
1370
01:21:06,945 --> 01:21:09,448
- Uh-uh!
- Mmm... What? What?
1371
01:21:09,615 --> 01:21:13,336
It's WAY too soon.
Way too soon.
1372
01:21:13,494 --> 01:21:16,668
That's fair.
That's totally fair.
1373
01:21:26,507 --> 01:21:29,056
I'm sorry I put you in jail,
but have you thought about
1374
01:21:29,218 --> 01:21:30,845
what that's gonna do
to your street cred?
1375
01:21:31,011 --> 01:21:33,764
Of course I have. It was, like,
the first thing I thought of.
1376
01:21:33,931 --> 01:21:35,558
I'm gonna get
that shit tattooed.
1377
01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:38,044
You don't have to worry about
the Lo Pans pressing charges.
1378
01:21:38,185 --> 01:21:40,529
- I took care of 'em.
- Did you murder the Lo Pans?
1379
01:21:40,687 --> 01:21:42,530
- Had to be done.
- You did it without me?
1380
01:21:42,689 --> 01:21:44,407
- Mm-hm.
- Ohh!
1381
01:21:44,566 --> 01:21:46,239
I think I'm ready
for that kiss now.
1382
01:21:46,402 --> 01:21:48,279
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1383
01:21:53,909 --> 01:21:56,207
You taste like prison.
1384
01:21:57,287 --> 01:21:59,961
- Is it really snowing again?
- Oh, yeah.
1385
01:22:00,124 --> 01:22:03,674
Look at 'em - a million
tiny, little matchmakers.
1386
01:22:03,836 --> 01:22:06,055
Thank you, snowflakes.
1387
01:22:07,214 --> 01:22:10,093
So your place or mine?
1388
01:22:10,259 --> 01:22:13,058
I don't have a place anymore.
1389
01:22:13,220 --> 01:22:15,348
Hmph, me neither.
1390
01:22:15,514 --> 01:22:18,142
You are a catch.
1391
01:22:18,308 --> 01:22:20,026
So are you.
1392
01:22:21,061 --> 01:22:24,190
♪ The piano
makes the sound
1393
01:22:24,356 --> 01:22:27,906
♪ You play so quietly
1394
01:22:28,068 --> 01:22:31,288
♪ These love notes
Letter bombs
1395
01:22:31,447 --> 01:22:34,747
♪ You send them back to me
1396
01:22:34,908 --> 01:22:38,162
♪ Doors and windows break
1397
01:22:38,328 --> 01:22:41,332
♪ But not this melody
1398
01:22:41,498 --> 01:22:44,923
♪ These not-so-subtle signs
1399
01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:48,089
♪ This house can't make us stay
1400
01:22:48,255 --> 01:22:49,848
♪ Didn't I warn you
1401
01:22:50,007 --> 01:22:54,888
♪ Didn't you want to
make me feel this way?
1402
01:22:55,053 --> 01:22:57,055
♪ Didn't I warn you?
1403
01:22:58,098 --> 01:23:01,819
♪ You know I've loved you
from the start
1404
01:23:01,977 --> 01:23:04,776
♪ But this house
can't make you stay
1405
01:23:04,938 --> 01:23:08,317
♪ Sometimes these things
just fall apart
1406
01:23:08,484 --> 01:23:11,408
♪ We might never be the same
1407
01:23:11,570 --> 01:23:14,494
♪ Maybe I can never be
everything you'll ever need
1408
01:23:14,656 --> 01:23:18,411
♪ But I can put
my arms around you
1409
01:23:26,376 --> 01:23:29,846
♪ If we tear this down
1410
01:23:30,005 --> 01:23:33,054
♪ Line up every stone
1411
01:23:33,217 --> 01:23:36,562
♪ Will memory disconnect us
1412
01:23:36,720 --> 01:23:39,564
♪ From all that came before?
1413
01:23:39,723 --> 01:23:43,318
♪ 'Cause sometimes
our own hearts
1414
01:23:43,477 --> 01:23:46,572
♪ Rewrite these histories
1415
01:23:46,730 --> 01:23:50,360
♪ To keep themselves
from breaking
1416
01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:52,949
♪ Is that all we need?
1417
01:23:53,111 --> 01:23:54,954
♪ Didn't you warn me?
1418
01:23:55,113 --> 01:23:59,835
♪ Didn't I want to
make you feel the same?
1419
01:23:59,993 --> 01:24:02,121
♪ Didn't you want me?
1420
01:24:03,163 --> 01:24:06,838
♪ You know I've loved you
from the start
1421
01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:09,799
♪ But this house
can't make you stay
1422
01:24:09,962 --> 01:24:13,512
♪ Sometimes these things
just fall apart
1423
01:24:13,674 --> 01:24:16,427
♪ Could we ever be the same?
1424
01:24:16,593 --> 01:24:19,688
♪ Maybe I can never be
everything you'll ever need
1425
01:24:19,846 --> 01:24:23,976
♪ But I could put
my arms around you
1426
01:24:30,023 --> 01:24:36,747
♪ Something here
is still beautiful
1427
01:24:36,905 --> 01:24:43,584
♪ Something only we know
1428
01:24:43,745 --> 01:24:46,294
♪ Nothing's lost
1429
01:24:46,456 --> 01:24:50,177
♪ If we can find it
1430
01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:52,963
♪ In time
1431
01:24:53,130 --> 01:24:56,179
♪ Find it in time
1432
01:24:58,218 --> 01:25:01,973
♪ Call up the general
Call in the major
1433
01:25:02,139 --> 01:25:05,063
♪ We need you now
1434
01:25:05,225 --> 01:25:08,820
♪ Weren't there warnings
from headquarters?
1435
01:25:08,979 --> 01:25:11,823
♪ Oh, no
1436
01:25:11,982 --> 01:25:15,111
♪ Call up your mother
Call in the tigers
1437
01:25:15,277 --> 01:25:18,907
♪ You know I've loved
you from the start
1438
01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:21,791
♪ No, this house
can't make us stay
1439
01:25:21,950 --> 01:25:25,705
♪ But sometimes
these things just fall apart
1440
01:25:25,871 --> 01:25:28,294
♪ This will never be the same
1441
01:25:28,457 --> 01:25:31,677
♪ Maybe you can never be
everything I'll ever need
1442
01:25:31,835 --> 01:25:35,510
♪ But could you put
your arms around me?
1443
01:25:35,672 --> 01:25:40,769
♪ You know I've loved you
from the start
1444
01:25:42,512 --> 01:25:47,564
♪ But sometimes
these things just fall apart. ♪
1444
01:25:48,305 --> 01:25:54,575
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