Original subtitles

Aah!

Door's time-locked.

Not for long. 30 seconds, we're in.

You're sure of this?

Tested out the algorithms this morning.

Ohh.

So much for that early-morning breakfast

I was looking forward to.

We've got company!

Whoa!

You are so busted.

Uhh! Ohh.

You see what I see?

We'll need a 27-meter approach

and a speed of 93 miles per hour in exactly...12 seconds.

Who do they think they are, Johnny Knoxville?

Guess so.

And that's why you should always wear your helmets.

Seen here during their arrest,

the so-called biker twins are already back on the street,

having acted as their own lawyer

and securing a low bail.

The judge cited a shortage of eyewitnesses

in approving their motion.

Prosecutors are weighing the possibility

that Spider-Man fabricated the entire event.

Of course.

Spider-Man commits the crime, fights with the nearest person,

hence, crime fighter.

Hey, don't dork the Spider-Man. The dude rocks.

Hits like a linebacker

and moves like a wide receiver.

Yeah, I wonder how much of that stolen cash

ended up stuck to greedy webbed fingers.

Hey, it was on the news.

Spider-Man left the bag of money webbed to the train overpass.

Hey, Peter, M.J.

So you're playing on the quarterback's team now?

I'm just agreeing with him about...

Whoa! Back way off, Parker.

I don't need you agreeing with me.

But I'm on your side.

Not a chance.

If I root Packers, you'd better pull for the Bears.

Don't be a thug, Flash.

You lost me, Flash.

How did we get from spiders to Bears?

I lost you because you can't keep up with my brain power.

Keep up?

I'm giving myself a headache

slamming on the brakes and going into reverse.

I'll have you know, smart guy,

I'm off to meet with my tutor.

Bet you don't have one of those!

I hope there isn't as much paperwork as last time.

That really made my head hurt.

Today you start with the tutoring, right?

Actually, the ad simply said you would get better grades.

Whoa! You ain't going to stick me with that, are you?

Me? Of course not.

That's what the robotic arm is for.

Huh?

Okay, okay, hold on.

I didn't sign on for no alien autopsy.

Mm, actually, you did.

All that paperwork, remember?

Uhh! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

How do you feel?

Like I'm going to have to open a can of whoop-ass

if these blood proteins don't coagulate.

Whoa! Where'd that come from?

My head feels funny. Cramped.

Those are ideas, Mr. Thompson. You'll get used to those.

Hello. Peter Parker.

Peter? It's Indy.

What are you doing right now?

About to swing by campus.

Well, swing your butt over to Empire One.

I've got something very hot and juicy

for you.

If you're interested.

Hot and juicy? Mm-hmm.

Remember those bikers Spider-Man nabbed

at the train crossing yesterday?

I have the skinny on them, and it's a doozy.

I have one more class this afternoon.

Can we meet after that?

I'll make it so worth your while.

Uh...

Count me in.

That was work. What were you thinking?

Ladies...

Such supple visions of collegiate loveliness

I have seldom beheld.

Smooth.

But that love token on your neck suggests you've beheld plenty.

Sally Johnson.

Flash Thompson.

The honor of your acquaintance is entirely my own.

Tutor seems to be helping.

You have a tutor? Does he do English Lit?

Let me try. I've been reading up.

You? Reading? English?

Okay, let's see.

We have to write an essay on Ruritania.

Ah, yes.

Fictional European kingdom north of Czechoslovakia.

It appears in Anthony Hope's The Prisoner of Zenda

and was used to amusing effect

in Nicholas Meyer's The Seven-Per-Cent Solution.

So which way you ladies headed?

I tell you,

whatever you think of that big loogie,

you've got to give him credit.

He must be dating the human blowfish.

Or maybe that vacuum cleaner

that picks up bowling balls.

Or, you know, maybe it's those giant mosquitoes

they've spotted on the football field.

Thanks for the attempted fake-out,

but it doesn't bother me.

Indy and I are on a hot and juicy story.

Hot and juicy?

Connecting with Indy through mutual interests

makes a lot more sense than...

simple chemistry.

Well, I know about biology,

and the look in Indy's eyes says monogamy.

Ooh-ooh!

Officer Barr said that the two bikers,

twins, in fact,

were the dumbest clods he had ever arrested.

This is all just casual between us, right?

One of them, I forget which one...

Let's just call him "Thing One"...

He shot off his left toe trying to reload his gun

in the middle of a robbery!

Because casual is where I'm at. I want to be clear.

They underwent a psych evaluation in prison

and scored in the double digits on the IQ test.

And if it is more than casual, We should talk about it.

Double digits is having trouble tying your own shoes!

What the hell are you talking about?

Being casual.

Peter, I think you know

that I'm available to you at any time, after hours,

and, in fact, I'm looking forward to it,

but I have hopes and dreams,

and a story like this could make them all come true.

Now, are you in or are you out?

I think what you're really asking is,

how do the bumpkin twins go from double-digit IQs

to that high-brain heist

and arguing their way out of jail?

Exactly!

The headaches are getting worse.

Muscle atrophication has kicked in.

Temporary side effects.

The experiment's going fine

as long as we keep the injections on schedule.

We know it's the brain boosters

that are making us weak.

Yet, we need more of it before we get stupid again.

Quite the conundrum.

I have a new test subject that might help.

Maybe you've heard of him?

Flash Thompson, E.S.U. football star?

All brawn and no brains.

Just give us back our strength.

Permanently!

Don't you think I want that to happen?

Without you two going on crime sprees,

I wouldn't have any funding at all.

Aah! Aah!

Hey!

Can you vacuum my apartment when you're done here?

Vacuum this!

Uhh!

Ohh. Huh?

Aah!

Ohh...

"If music be the food of love,

"Play on; give me excess of it,

"that, surfeiting, the appetite may sicken

and so die."

Did I just switch to French?

Sorry.

Why, Flash,

I simply must get the name of your tutor.

Okay, it's not a hickey. It's a whole new brain.

Uh, yeah.

Uhh... uhh!

Flash, are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Further performances anon.

I'll catch you later.

Hey, Flash, about that bruise on your neck...

Beat it, Parker.

Flash Thompson, right?

You know my name?

I follow college ball.

Loved your interpretation of the Bard.

Thanks! This is awesome!

How'd you get so right with Shakespeare?

Well, I have a tutor.

Zellner, Dr. Zellner.

In the English department?

Not exactly. Uhh!

Maybe I should help you to the infirmary?

No... Dorm cafeteria.

I'll just go home and... And, uh...

I'll be fine.

All right.

But take it easy.

Uhh. Ohh!

Doc, what gives?

I'm in agony from my superior capitis

to my gluteus maximus.

Yes.

I can't believe I missed this earlier.

The human metabolism simply cannot boost a brain like yours

without extreme strain.

How extreme?

At this rate, you're headed for complete system collapse.

System collapse?

But that means...

That means fatal!

Well, damn it, did you try varying the cognitive baseline?

I see.

In other words, experiment on someone

who starts out much smarter than you.

Then, I could pinpoint the differential

and create an antidote.

The quarterback has a good idea.

Yes. Yes.

But on such short notice,

I wouldn't know where to find a subject.

Then start looking.

Don't blow a fuse, doc.

You need a pencilneck with a big brain?

I know just the guinea pig.

Close-ups, Parker!

I mean count-the-fibers- on-his-spandex close!

Can't you get nearer

to this web-spewing freak of nature?

He does swing from buildings.

Use ropes. Use a pulley. Use some imagination.

Uh... Hello?

Pete. It's your old bud, Flash.

I don't think we were ever buds.

Come on, Parker. We're in college now.

Time to put our differences behind us, you know?

This is Flash Thompson, right?

The same guy who used to beat me up

every Friday in high school?

All right, I'll be honest with you.

I'm in trouble and I need your help.

You're asking me for help?

You going to make me beg, cheese dip?

Uhh!

23 Ulster Street. Now.

Please?

No, that's okay.

Maybe you'd like to sit behind the desk.

Just let me know.

I certainly have nothing better to do

in my own office!

Sorry, Mr. Jameson. I've got to go.

Parker! Get back here!

I'm not done throwing you out!

Got it.

23 Ulster Street is the home of Zellner Laboratories.

Flash's tutor!

So I've been thinking about what we talked about.

You know, our relationship.

Now I know who's been injecting him!

Huh?

The track marks on Flash and the biker twins.

Zellner must be giving them

some kind of intelligence enhancer.

Thanks, Indy.

You're welcome?

Where the hell is he?

He's not coming, brainiacs.

Spider-Man!

I ran into Parker and took the hand-off.

Flash, come with me. I'll take care of these two.

Sorry. We need a subject now! You're a smart guy, aren't you?

Uhh! Uhh!

Aah!

Aah!

Okay, doc, here's your smart guy.

He's bursting with adrenalin, thanks to you.

It'll overwhelm the brain booster.

Animal tranquilizer...

That should take care of it.

Uhh!

You were playing one-on-one

when you should have been playing zone.

They faked you right into that chair.

Flash, old buddy, old pal.

Help me out of here.

We've got to stop Zellner.

Yeah, sure, but you know Zellner's my only hope.

If he doesn't come up with an antidote,

I'm going to die.

Flash...

You believe in me, don't you?

Hey, Zellner. What's with the chair?

I thought at least there'd be a cupholder,

maybe a pop-up TV screen.

Mm. I overdid the tranquilizer.

We'll just wait.

Look at him.

That's us in 3.9 minutes.

Doc, step on it!

Just calculating the serum dosage.

Uhh!

Scientific note:

Never underestimate the superhero.

Oof! Uhh!

Oops.

That never happens.

Yaaa!

Impressive.

But, you see,

I have no intention of waiting around

while you call the police.

Spider-Man... I'm so sorry.

Spider-Man! Any sign of Peter Parker?

I took his place.

You have Internet access in that thing?

Feeling better?

My legs are made out of gack,

but the coffee's helping me think.

A web cam?

I attached it to Flash Thompson.

Don't look at my password.

So do I at least get an exclusive

for this little taxi ride?

Sure, if you can get me to 32nd and Lex.

You need to reverse the beta-syntic free radicals

in the formula.

That's it. That's the antidote.

I'm afraid it's too late for you.

I can't go back to the lab with Spider-Man there.

Just remember what I said.

Reverse the beta gamma...

Jeez, doc, I think I was due another shot.

I can't remember so well.

Don't worry. You'll be dead soon enough.

Just be my hostage for two more stops

and it'll be all over.

Zellner, you're about to get your ass stomped.

Hmmph!

You're not only weak, you're back to stupid.

Maybe, but you're still going to get your ass stomped.

Huh?

Whoa!

Flash, remember that football move you mentioned?

He doesn't remember how to button his shirt.

Unnh!

First, we take away your toys.

Then it's nap time.

Uhh...

Reverse beta gamma...

You'll be dead soon enough.

We almost lost you.

What are you doing here?

Well, I ran into Spider-Man,

and then I saved your life.

A "thank you" might be in order.

Thank you? Thank you?

It was Spider-Man who saved my life.

I probably would've been okay, just a little incapac...

Incapac... Eh, uh...

Feeling weak!

About that exclusive...

you know, a superhero's nothing

if he doesn't keep his word.

Yo, M.J., how about wiggling some of that babe-age

over this way?

Flash, you really know how to sweet-talk a girl.

Hey, the Flash-man can walk the talk

like he talks and walks.

You mean ineptly?

Watch it, Parker. I'm almost back in top form.

Catch a brew later, babe.

Sorry. Got to study.

Whatever.

What'd you see in that guy anyway?

His take on Shakespeare was brilliant.

Subs by awaqeded for Addic7ed.com

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