Original subtitles

Well, what do you think?

Looks... expensive.

Yeah, it is kind of ugly.

But I dig it.

What's with the higher math?

Monthly expenses.

If I can sell three pictures a month to the Bugle

and maybe a video exclusive to Empire One,

I think I can earn...

Half my half of the rent.

Don't sweat it, dude.

"By each according to his ability,

to each according to his needs."

Capitalism, baby.

Actually, that's Communism.

Have you set foot in history class ever?

It's early in the semester, bro.

You ought to try loosening up. Skip a class once in a while.

It's soul-cleansing.

As for the rent,

well, maybe I can get you a job

taking research photos for Oscorp.

Then you can stop glorifying

that murdering freak-boy Spider-Man.

But I like taking news photos!

Besides, not everyone hates Spider-Man.

Hey, are you guys showing a movie on this flight?

I'd love to see Black Hawk Down.

More like Turbulence.

You pass with flying colors, Spider-Man.

Emphasis on "flying."

Special Agent Roberts, FBI.

That's Sikes.

Some kind of test,

and me without a number-two pencil.

We had to do something to lure you out.

You're not exactly in the yellow pages.

Yeah, well, I'm not bulletproof either.

Blanks.

You went to a lot of trouble.

Because we wanted to meet with you alone.

Your country needs you, Spider-Man.

My country? As in the whole country?

Otherwise, I wouldn't be here.

Well, what do you know?

How much do you know

about international monetary transfers?

I'm still trying to figure out

how to dodge that buck-fifty service fee at the ATM.

Last year, 90% of the world's banks went digital.

That means all account transfers

are sent via encrypted satellite transmission.

We've learned that a superchip called the TX-1

was commissioned specifically to decrypt those transmissions.

I don't have to tell you what that could mean to the world economy.

Why I keep my money under the mattress.

You know who commissioned the chip?

All we know is a mob cryptologist named Bledsoe

is putting the finishing touches on the TX-1 as we speak.

Still don't see where I fit in.

Bledsoe's lab is on the 60th floor

of a downtown skyscraper, heavily guarded.

No way in... for a biped.

You want me to destroy the chip?

I want you to save the planet from financial meltdown.

Get the chip to us

and we can figure out how to neutralize it

in case any others show up.

You scratch our back, we scratch yours.

Spider-Man swallow the bait?

Sucked in the whole hero package like it was clean air,

just like you predicted, Kingpin.

Poor little Spider-Man. Can't get no respect.

What a rube.

You make that pickup for me?

If there's even one fry missing...

Boss, I don't eat that crap.

Good.

Hey, you guys want to grab some grub?

Can't. M.J. and I

have that all-important Professor Williams lecture.

Hey, let's sit together.

Maybe you can explain it to me.

Peter, I'm not going to class.

And don't give me that look. We all have our priorities,

and it's lovely that yours is graduating

mega cum laude,

and it's going on to be some sort of international brainiac...

I actually prefer photography.

But my priority is my acting,

and I've got a showcase tonight at 8

that needs rehearsing.

Sure, I get it.

Your acting is important.

I mean, you're going to be big someday too.

Yeah? Yeah.

And I guess getting a snack

and inheriting a global empire

is slacking off

next to Nicole Kidman and Stephen Hawking here.

So, listen, maybe you guys want to come watch.

There'll be all sorts

of Broadway producers there,

a couple people from Letterman, possibly.

Hey, I'll videotape the lecture for you

so you won't miss anything.

That would be great.

Leave it to you to know exactly what I'm thinking.

Tape the lecture? You do like this girl, right?

Is it that obvious?

She doesn't care about the stupid lecture.

She wants you to care about the showcase.

She practically begged you to come.

She asked both of us.

I'll tell you, for a smart dude,

you can be pretty clueless sometimes.

I'll see you.

The dive-bombing helicopter

startled many midtown residents yesterday.

Not to worry.

According to a call into our E1 newsroom,

it was all part of a movie shoot.

However, that doesn't explain the presence of Spider-Man

interfering with the movie.

Man, am I good, or what?

Cure it with the UV for as long as it takes.

Great.

That's the one for me.

That's the one for me.

Hello? Hi. It's Peter.

Parker.

I've known you since the second grade, Peter.

I know who you are.

Right. I just wanted to call and say...

Break a leg tonight. They still say that, right?

I think now they say, "Don't screw up your lines."

But that's sweet of you.

Well, I know how much this means to you

and how badly you want to do well.

Not that you won't do well, because you will do well

because you're swell.

What I'm trying to say is,

I can't wait to see your show tonight.

You're coming?

I was hoping you would.

Uh...

I, uh...

So, listen, maybe you want to come over

before the show and, I don't know...

help me run lines?

Yeah, that would be cool.

Cool. How about in an hour?

Excellent.

Uh... wait.

I can't.

I'm totally zoned out.

I'm in the middle of chem lab,

and this teacher kind of has me...

up against a wall to finish.

But you'll still be at the show?

Absolutely.

Listen, the professor's taking off.

I gotta finish up, so I'll see you tonight. Bye.

Good. It's done.

Special delivery.

Nice touch. You guys into Happy Meals?

FBI protocol is none of your business.

You got the chip?

Where's Agent Roberts?

Special Agent Roberts

has more important things to do than make pickups.

I guess that's why he's so special.

You've done your country a great service, Spider-Man.

Now, not a word of this to anyone.

But the scratching of backs...

We've only done half the ritual.

I scratched yours, and now...

What about the whole world

knowing what a great guy I am?

Give me a break.

Curtain's up in five.

You're in the second sketch.

Then tell me when we're finishing the first sketch.

I'm practicing.

Maybe if you'd made rehearsals...

I'll have you know I had a very high-paying gig yesterday.

Yeah, yeah.

Your mystery producer you've never met.

What are you looking at? Never seen a real live actor?

I've been scammed.

Limo, limo. Got to find a limo.

Ah.

Okay, listen.

I mean, you two make a great-looking couple.

Gotcha!

I'm not sure which feels better...

becoming one of the richest men on the planet

or knowing that Spider-Man was the dupe who made it happen.

Kingpin, he could still be a threat.

Once he figures out what's going on,

he's going to know we'll need a satellite uplink.

Even if he found out where,

he'll never get past the mini-chopper.

Not when the ammo's real. He's a lightweight.

We'll see about that.

Nice of you to drop by.

Not a problem.

Will I be fighting any of your henchmen,

or did you already eat them?

Let's show him what he's made of.

Didn't your mother tell you never to play with guns?

Not very fair. A human spider against an unarmed man.

Yeah, but each of your arms is the size of Brooklyn.

Whoa.

Yeah, uh, can I have the number for the local FBI office?

Mm...

I know how important your showcase was to you.

I really wish I could have been there.

I was there.

I'm on again tonight, but don't knock yourself out.

Oh, I won't. Knock myself out, I mean.

Because if I was out, I couldn't be there.

Heh.

See you at 8?

Okay, you're forgiven.

You forgetting something, slick?

Ah, the notes.

M.J., I almost forgot. I've got that bio videotape for you.

Bring it with you tonight.

Anyone else want coffee?

Good.

Deutsche One, Germany.

The Red Bank, Russia.

The Royal Trust, England.

Our own Federal Reserve.

The financial institutions of the world,

ladies and gentlemen,

all waiting for the biggest digital satellite heist

in history.

Now that the TX-1 is ours,

once my men finish installing the uplink,

you can think of these as cash registers,

dumping billions into our pockets.

And, thanks to America's stupidest superhero,

the feds are hunting the wrong man.

When will the uplink be ready?

24 hours.

How soon?

To make it very, very beautiful takes time.

Do you have anything that's just... nice-looking?

I'm never gonna make it.

Hey, what are you doing?

Mosely, FBI.

So that's what an FBI badge looks like.

I really have to be somewhere.

You should've thought of that

before you got your panties caught in the ringer.

That was you who called us yesterday, wasn't it?

Huh? Wh...?

You gonna try to tell me this isn't the phone you used

to call in that tip about Kingpin?

Uh...

Here's the guy you know.

How long have you been in cahoots with Spider-Man?

Cahoots? I don't think I'm in that with anybody.

Oh, I think you are. Spider-Man steals a TX-1.

You call up with this Kingpin shaggy-dog story

to send us sniffing the wrong mutt.

I'm only going to ask you once. Where do we find Spider-Man?

Spider-Man and I don't exactly see eye to eye.

If the TX-1 goes online,

besides the ungodly sums that will be stolen,

it'll cost the world billions

to re-encrypt all those transmissions.

If that happens, you'd better pray I find Spider-Man,

because if I don't, I'm coming after you,

and I'll be treating you as if you and Spider-Man

were one and the same.

Can I have my things back?

What are you dabbling in next,

bioterrorism?

I am so, so sorry.

Not a problem.

I honestly and truly was steps away from the theater

when this SUV pulled up out of nowhere

and these two men in black yanked me inside.

Did they have a talking pug?

I don't think they had animals.

Turns out they were FBI.

Next thing I know, I'm on the extremely wrong side

of the George Washington Bridge.

If you didn't want to come, just say so.

I did want to come.

Fine, you wanted to come.

Do you at least have that bio videotape for me?

Yeah... about that tape...

Tonight's the last night.

Why am I telling you?

It's not like you'll be able to make it.

The CIA might need you for some super-special covert mission.

FBI. Way to play hard to get, Romeo.

Hello?

What are you, some kind of wise guy,

giving us that useless videotape?

Just so you know,

this country's worst nightmare is about to come true.

We intercepted a foreign communiqu� an hour ago

confirming that a satellite uplink

will be established today.

Even if he found out where,

he'll never get past the mini-chopper.

Uplink, right.

I just remembered something that might help.

Well, call me Dumbo, because I'm all ears.

My contact at Empire One

heard that whoever really took the TX-1

is using the same mini-chopper that buzzed midtown last week.

That's going to establish their satellite uplink.

Dude, secret cell-phone calls,

making up stories,

late to class...

Do we need to stage an intervention?

No. No. That was the FBI.

You've still got some influence at Oscorp, right?

If you consider owning a controlling percentage

of the company stock influence,

then I'd say yes.

Then I'd say I need a favor.

What's the holdup? Banks in Cairo will be opening soon.

Just be a second.

You can start

by sparking up that mobile activation system.

Not so fast, tubby.

Not hard to track that flying Cuisinart of yours, Kingpin.

Good to go.

So long, went the spider.

FBI. Hold it right there.

That tip from our contact at Oscorp was right.

"Follow the chopper."

Follow this, you half-wits.

No!

This is where you get off.

I think this is where we both get off.

Liposuction.

Aah!

No!

Aah!

Too bad we lost Spider-Man, but this...

Yeah, okay.

Uhh! Uhh!

M.J.

Oh, my God. Peter. You made it.

The covert mission ended early.

You were really terrific.

Really? I thought that I totally screwed up

that college dorm scene.

You'd never know.

I didn't think you'd show.

I mean, it meant so much to me,

and then I thought, why was I obsessing

over whether or not you saw me?

You were terrific. You should be really proud of yourself.

You blew away those Letterman people.

Thanks.

M.J., come on.

Oh, yeah, this is for you.

It's beautiful.

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