Original subtitles

Welcome to Spidey's cardio workout.

What the...?

Excuse me.

Good morning.

This is your 9:00 A.M. wake-up call,

courtesy of 1-555- have-a-nice-day.

Ugh! Already?

Guess we'll have to finish our workout some other time.

Okay, class,

pair up with your partners and go do your experiments.

50% of your term

rests on this experiment.

In other words, do not screw up.

Well, what'd I miss?

Just, like, the entire assignment.

"Experiment of your choice

illustrating the relationship between thought and behavior."

We're supposed to partner up.

Oh. Then, uh, want to be partners?

Sorry. I'm taken.

Coolest partner in the class, if I must say.

Good morning, Mr. Dillon.

Pretty cool, huh?

You know what that is?

Your new lab partner.

You're about to enter the Christina zone.

Ooh!

Heh!

I'm really easy to get along with. Truth is,

I have an almost preternatural ability

to communicate with others.

"Preternatural"?

Mm-hmm. Practically supernatural.

You know, psychokinesis, E.S.P., Jedi mind stuff.

You believe in all that, don't you?

Actually, no.

How about cryptozoology?

You have to believe in that, 'cause, hello! Human spider!

Out there saving people. Pretty awes!

Yeah. Spider-Man's cool.

Cool, mysterious, big-hearted.

And those spider eyes.

Oh, I get butterflies just looking!

Mm! Yep.

Me and the Spidey-dude are soul mates.

Soul mates. Um, so,

shouldn't we talk about our experiment?

Like I told you, this is where my new invention is.

I know, solitary trade, inventing.

You wouldn't associate it with someone so verbal like me.

It's a gift, really.

Listen, I'm not sure that's gonna...

Not this! Thought I was creating a super glue gun,

acid polymers.

Pretty much melted

half my high-school science class.

Ta-da!

Here it is.

My E.S.P. crown.

I don't...

And now I am going to read your mind.

Okay.

First, let's set the mood.

Peter Parker, yes.

Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Uh-huh.

You like to study. You live off-campus.

Ruh-roh! You have serious,

major, mega girl problems.

With a redhead.

Yes? See, I told you!

Let's crank it up!

Aah!

Christina!

Aah!

Oh!

Christina, where are you?

Where are you?

Whoa! You all right?

I need to be alone now.

What? Are you...? I mean...

Sorry, Peter. We'll have to experiment some other time.

Where are you?

Christina, where are you?

I'm here! Where are you? Who are you?

On your desk.

Getting warmer!

I've been calling and calling.

If you don't listen, how are we ever going to be together?

Now, then...

Are you ready to do everything I say?

So how was Psych?

M.J., it was a nightmare.

I got the lab partner from Sunnydale.

Want to grab lunch?

Got a serious pastrami jones working.

Okay, I know that look.

Extra lean on sourdough, hold the mustard.

And here I thought you weren't paying attention.

No, I pay plenty of attention.

You do?

You know what our problem is?

We don't ever share our thoughts, our feelings.

That's your hunger talking.

Peter, I don't think you get it.

We've been friends for, like, ever, right?

And we know a lot of details about each other,

but, see, if we're going to make the shift, you know...

It has to be more than knowing my favorite sandwich.

It should be like... like...

Like E.S.P.?

Like communicating.

Oh, okay. I can do that.

Can you? You're always running off somewhere,

but I realized I have no idea

what you do or where you go.

I mean, who are you, really?

Right now? A guy who wants to take you to lunch.

This is what we're gonna do.

Every day, starting tomorrow,

we write a note to each other divulging a personal tidbit.

A tidbit?

Uh-huh.

Something small, but deep.

A secret.

I'm determined, Peter.

I will get to know the real you.

I'll do anything for us to be together, Spider-Man.

Anything!

Well, you're gonna have to find me, aren't you?

The real me.

Sure! But how?

I mean, it's not like you're in the phone book.

Think, Christina! Think!

How do you lure the amazing Spider-Man to you?

Hmm.

What do heroes do?

They, uh... They save people?

She shoots, she scores!

Go catch yourself a spider.

So there you go. I need a tidbit.

A tidbit?

I know! That was my reaction.

So then she explained.

She wants something deeply personal

and soul-baring.

Help me, Harry-wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope.

Well, I got only one piece of advice:

Get out. Get out while you still can!

Come on. I'm serious.

It's a tough one, buddy.

We're guys.

We don't do soul-searching.

I have to think of something to write.

Okay, dude.

You like M.J.

You want her to be your girlfriend?

Well, there's only one thing

she wants you to write on that piece of paper:

How you really feel about her.

I feel...

good about her,

really good.

Yeah. That's pure poetry.

Suck it up, man.

Put pen to paper and take the plunge.

Okay, Spider-Man.

Time to play hero.

Aah!

Aaahh!

Good thing I was in the neighborhood.

I knew it. I knew you'd come.

Oh, Spidey, this just proves it.

What?

What does this prove?

I knew if I jumped, you'd save me.

And once you were here, you'd realize that we're...

That we're... We're what?

What do you think? We're like soul mates?

Oh, my God!

You knew exactly what I was thinking.

This just proves it! We are soul mates! Oh!

We are!

No, we are not!

I don't even know you.

Now, don't put yourself or others in danger...

Ever again.

I am trying to be a good girlfriend.

I was only doing what you said.

I thought it would make you happy.

Well, next time, be more careful.

I don't have time to go around saving careless girls.

Oh, Spidey, I'm so sorry I blew it.

Please, tell me,

how else can I find you?

Figure... it... out.

Aah!

"M.J., a personal tidbit about me that nobody knows

"is when I was little,

I used to get a rash every time I took a bath."

Must go deeper.

"M.J., what you don't know is...

"I'm not nearly as smart as everyone thinks.

I had to take my driver's license test twice."

"M.J., deep down inside me,

"I'm afraid there's a big, boring nothing.

I don't know what else I can tell you..."

Except for the coolest secret stuff about me,

which I can never share with you...

Like this.

This... this.

... And thanks to Empire State U's own Peter Parker

for that exclusive Spider-Man footage.

Peter Parker...

He always seems to know where to find Spider-Man.

Okay, uh, I'll have an iced vanilla latte.

With non-dairy whipped cream.

That Muang.

20,000 students at Empire U,

and he remembers that I'm lactose intolerant.

Peter Parker! Where?

Muang, when did you see Peter last?

Parker, Parker...

I don't know,

But his roomie Harry Osborn

just bought two half-caf grande macchiatos

and went... that way.

Peter. I'm so glad you're here.

This is so exciting.

Here. Here's mine.

Where's yours?

Well, I, uh, M.J...

Now, come on.

I won't accept any excuse. Cough it up.

It might not be what you're hoping.

Relax. It'll be great.

Mine first, okay?

"When I was little

"and my parents were fighting,

"I would hide in my closet

"and pretend I was a stowaway on a ship.

"It was grimy and cold there,

"but I was happy,

"because I wasn't stuck in the house.

Nobody fought."

Wow.

Say no more.

I'll read yours.

No, don't. Don't.

I couldn't believe what he wrote.

Go ahead. Read it.

"To M.J.,

"I confess that no one else in the world knows...

I'm allergic to grouper."

The fish?

I was deeply, nakedly honest with him,

and he offered up... grouper.

Well, what'd you say?

"Thank you, Peter Parker,"

"for wading toe-deep into our relationship."

"You obviously have no conception"

of what really matters in life,

"and so will die a sad, pathetic, lonely old man."

Youch! You said that?

Maybe not with words,

but my body language made it pretty clear.

So now what?

I don't know.

It's all so very messed up.

Well, long as you don't flip-flop

back to Spider-Man.

Spider-Man?

Don't worry. I know how much you hate him.

Besides, I am so over that.

Yeah? Well, I'll bet he's not over you.

In fact, I bet

that sleaze-bucket still has the hots for you.

Harry, stop it.

See? Now I have to help Peter,

or it'll be you and Spider-Man all over again.

M.J.?!

You're in love with Mary Jane Watson?

Hmm, possibly.

But you can't be! You can't be!

The heart feels what it feels.

The heart can change with enough determination.

I know it can!

So...

you'd do whatever it takes?

Anything.

Well, if that's the case,

all you really need to do to win Spider-Man's heart...

Yeah?

Is remove the obstacle between you.

Remove? You mean M.J.

As in...

That's right. Eliminate.

Okay, okay, here's the money shot.

Look, Spider-Man focuses,

and, boom,

catches the car with webbing from only one hand.

Come on. That didn't look so hard.

If I could shoot sticky goop from my wrist,

I wouldn't have to focus on it.

He's a guy.

I bet he's thinking about girls.

He is not!

I... I mean,

he seems a little too busy for that.

Ah, maybe you're right.

Ooh, come to think of it, what's up with that mask?

He probably looks like goat-boy under that thing.

Yeah.

Anyone else seen this?

Um, no. You're the first.

Exactly.

You keep supplying me with footage,

people will take notice,

and then you'll become famous.

You think?

I know.

And I will make reporter

and get my own morning talk show.

Actually,

I'd never really considered being famous.

I just like taking pictures.

Humility. A charming quality.

Aw, I...

Lose it.

What do you want?

Spider-Man, here

to profess his true and undying affection for me,

then he and I will be together forever.

You're insane! Insanely jealous.

Look. There's nothing going on between me and Spider-Man.

You lie.

I don't like liars.

Oh, no.

We're early for a wedding.

Won't the lovebirds be surprised to see an uninvited guest

splayed on the buffet with acid holes

where her vital organs should be.

What can you possibly hope to accomplish?

I will prove that Spider-Man loves me,

even if it's buried deep in his subconscious.

You see, everyone, even Spider-Man, needs help

to eat through facades and expose true feelings.

But what if... what if it's not you?

Then you'd better hope it's not you.

I'm melting! I'm melting!

Hey! Know what I'm feeling right now?

Yeah?

Your invention sucks!

Christina, I think this crown

did something to your mind to make you act like this.

No.

I've always known you were my soul mate.

I just needed you to realize it too.

Oh...

Put the wires on.

It doesn't work.

Put the wires on!

Do it now!

Okay, then, read my mind.

Tell me what I really feel.

Wait! How do you know

you're not just projecting your own feelings onto him?

How many times

has this crown thing been absolutely correct?

She has a point.

So I'll have to ask a question

I know I can prove right or wrong.

Who are you under that mask?

Oh, my God! I know who Spider-Man is!

I had no idea you were so average

and unexciting.

I mean,

no offense.

Ngghh!

Oh!

Mary Jane!

Aah!

Whoa!

Spider-Man! Help!

Christina!

M.J., Spider-Man is mine!

Aah!

He loves me.

He just doesn't know how to show it.

But now we can finally be together

since I know his biggest secret.

Yeah, what's that?

Under that Spider-Man mask,

he really is... is...

Muang, the Drip Den guy.

Got us a head injury here! 2 cc's of Demerol, stat!

Let's move!

Plus, he's my soul mate.

You're not really Muang the Drip Den guy,

are you?

I have enough trouble boiling water.

Do you want to tell me who you really are?

I mean, if you want.

I...can't.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

I mean, at least I know which secret you're keeping.

Uh, yeah.

Something else I can get you?

Mmm, guess not. Thank you, Muang.

Uh, what was that all about?

Nothing.

Sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

That Christina chick, though,

she totally exceeded "not okay."

"Spider-Man and I blah, blah,

connection, blah, blah, soul mate."

Talk about a crazy, psycho stalker.

I mean, on and on and...

Oh... my... God!

I'm your Christina.

It's true, isn't it?

I'm a crazy, psycho stalker.

That might be a little harsh.

Oh, Peter,

I'm sorry for forcing that game on you.

You didn't force anything.

It's just that there are some things

I'm not ready to share.

Not just with you, with anyone.

I hope one day you'll let me in.

Until then, can we still be... friends?

Only if you promise to forget...

what I said about grouper.

Friends. Good ones.

Always.

Subs by awaqeded for Addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0