All language subtitles for Murder.She.Wrote.S06E22.The.Sicilian.Encounter.WEBRip.x264-ION10

-What exactly was he into?
-Cash.

[gasps]

Oh! Oh...

[Jessica] Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.

He cut his throat shaving.

Nobody saw nothing.

And my poor sister,

she becomes a widow before she's married.

But this family of yours,

I mean, I'm just not sure
I'm gonna fit in, that's all.

Okay, Padre, let's you and me talk turkey.

I could marry you, quietly.

-[grunting]
-Thanks for the use of the hall, Father.

[lively theme music playing]

Oh, hello.

After a week of publishers' meetings

and book interviews in New York,

I can hardly wait to kick off
my shoes and relax.

I don't know about you,
but I could use a cup of tea.

Isn't it amazing

the amount of mail
that accumulates in one week?

Most of it is unsolicited.

It's frightening to think
of how many junk mail lists

your name must be on.

Ah-hah.

"Your pre-approved credit card."

One that I didn't apply for.

Oh, my goodness, can
the property taxes be due again?

Hmm, it's postmarked Paris.

[laughs]

Michael Hagarty of Her Majesty's service.

Up to some derring-do, no doubt.

Michael, you certainly do get around.

"Dear Jessica,"

Oh, dear.

You know what I like most
about Italy, Claudia?

The wine?

The music?

The tradition of retiring
after lunch for a little nap.

Awfully civilized, don't you think?

Helps digest those big meals.

You know, the thought of you for dessert

is driving me absolutely wild.

Oh, but, but, but, but--

[clears throat]

[sighs]

You wouldn't happen to have
any knockout drops

in that purse of yours, would you?

Fresh out.

I mean, it's all very considerate

of your late husband's family

to supply us with a car and a chauffeur,

but we don't need a nanny,

especially one as ugly as that one.

Be patient, darling.

The wedding is only a week away.

And then we're off to Switzerland.

Really? Not Boston?

I mean, I assumed, since
the Carboni business interests

were in Boston, that--

Peter, I knew so little
about the business.

We were just married for six months.

Yes, I'm a little hazy
about this business of his.

What exactly was he into?

I never really knew,

except that he dealt mostly in cash.

Well, how very wise of him.

You know, to arrange
his affairs so prudently.

By the way, you never did
mention how he died.

Suddenly.

Darling, why don't you pay the bill

while I go freshen up?

Okay.

-[traditional Italian music playing]
-[snaps fingers]

I trust everything was
satisfactory, Signore Baines.

Just excellent.

And you can tell the chef
that he's outdone himself.

Oh, and add 20% for yourself.

Oh, grazie signore, mille grazie,
veramente grazie.

My pleasure.

Call me a silly romantic, but--

-You're a silly romantic.
-[laughs]

When I think of the way we met
on that plane from Boston--

That was destiny, Claudia, fate, kismet.

Well, almost.

I had the stewardess
change my seat next to yours.

-You didn't.
-Mm-hmm.

Well, the moment I saw you,

I sensed the tragic grief
you tried so hard to conceal.

I knew then that fate
had thrown us together

so I could console you.

Right, right.

And who'd ever believe
that in that short time,

we'd have fallen in love
and decided to get married?

Yes, remarkable,

considering we've scarcely
spent a moment alone

since we got off the plane.

Now, Claudia, darling, seriously--

Sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel.

But in Italy, a widow,
especially a young widow,

is considered a threat to the family

until she takes another husband...

in Church... legally...

in front of a priest.

Yes, Claudia, this family of yours,

I'm glad you brought them up.

There is something about them that I--

They're my ex-husband's family.

And the only reason that I am here at all

is just to pay my respects

and to settle some details of the estate.

Don't you worry. They like you.

They're in favor of the marriage.

Oh, well, that's good, because so am I.

So am I.

[car horn honking]

[man yelling in Italian]

Darling, it's only a week
until the wedding.

I say, old man, you've got the wrong room.

[knife clicks]

-Scusi, Signora.

Yes?

Do you know what happened?

Somebody died, some Englishman.

Died? How?

He cut his throat shaving.

Nobody saw nothing.

This is Mr. Green speaking.

There's been a complication.

The business associate
that I was supposed to meet

caught a cold before I could
connect with him.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Does this mean the order's been canceled?

-Negative.

The consignment is urgently
expected in London,

and you are expected
to deliver it at all costs,

regardless of any flu
that may be going around.

Bloody marvelous. [sighs]

But what if the package
doesn't want to be delivered?

It seems a wedding present
has gotten into the shipment.

Well, listen carefully.

This has top priority,

especially since our competitors
in America

are also interested in the goods.

You are authorized to use
the express shipment channel.

Damn it, man. Use your ingenuity.

-[dial tone]
-["Rule Britannia" playing]

[Peter] Now,
how do the shoulders look, darling?

-[Claudia] Wonderful.
-[Peter] Yes, I thought so too.

You know, I was thinking.

After the honeymoon in Switzerland,

how about taking a cruise
around the world?

Can we afford that?

We can afford anything you like.

Oh, how nice.

Signore, the white suit
will be perfetto for a cruise.

Oh, Peter, did you order another suit?

I ordered half a dozen, actually.

Well, I thought it would be nice

to have something suitable
for all occasions, you know.

[speaking Italian]

Everything will be ready in time
for the wedding, signora.

Fine, fine. Sofia?

Per favore, show Signore Luca a fare.

-Che fare.
-Si.

-Cheerio.
-Ciao.

[door closes]

Oh! Oh!

Peter, they're going to see us.

Oh, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

[clears throat]

Does it hurt much, darling?

Poor girl.

You know, she turned her ankle
on the carpet

just walking across the floor.

Would you believe that?
Let's have a look at it.

-Ah!
-Ah!

Sorry.

You know, it doesn't seem too bad.

Not much swelling yet, anyway.

Better keep the weight off it
for a while, huh?

Was there something you wanted, Mario?

You have a visitor, signora.

Claudia, Monsignor o'Shaughnessy

just arrived from your parish in Boston.

Well, not your parish, Mrs. Carboni.

Actually, we've never met,
and this is indeed a pleasure.

Father Flynn, your pastor, poor man,

he was stricken with an attack
of the gallbladder,

and he couldn't make it for the ceremony.

But I was an acquaintance
of your dearly departed husband.

We played golf several times together.

A fine man. Very generous to the Church.

So His Eminence the Cardinal
sent me, o'Shaughnessy,

Monsignor o'Shaughnessy,

as his official emissary
from the Boston Diocese.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
Monsignor o'Shaughnessy.

And when might I meet your intended?

Is it possible that he's
from your parish in Boston?

No, no. Actually, he's from England.

Oh, well.

Darling, come here, please.

There's someone I'd like you to meet.

Say hello to Monsignor o'Shaughnessy.

He's all the way from Boston.

This is my fiancé, Peter Baines.

How do you do?

Baines, you say? Really?

Yeah. Have we met, Father?

No, I don't think so,

but I once knew a gentleman
named Harold Baines.

Harold? No, no, no, Harold's my brother.

Oh.

Where on earth did you meet Harold?

Well, I can't remember
the exact circumstances.

I do an awful lot of traveling.

Scusi, Claudia.

I got a telephone call this afternoon.

You're gonna have another guest arriving.

Your brother-in-law, Gino,

is coming from Boston for the wedding.

Gino is coming?

Wow!

Did he say when he's arriving?

He no say,
but certainly before the wedding.

Did you know Gino, Monsignor?

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

We played together several times.

He had a terrible slice.

Slice?

Oh. [laughs]

That's a golfing term, Signore Carboni.

Perhaps Monsignor o'Shaughnessy

would like to freshen up
after his long journey.

Well, thank you very much.

That's very kind, very thoughtful.

But first I have some
spiritual duties to perform.

Oh?

Yes, I promised Father Flynn

that the first thing I'd do
when I got here

was to hear Claudia's confession.

Oh, well, that's just,

that's so nice of Father Flynn,
but I don't--

Now, now, now.

We can do this rather informally.

Perhaps out in the garden?

Come along, my dear. This won't take long.

A passionate woman
who has just lost her husband

always has something to confess.

[chuckles]

[dramatic music playing]

Listen, I assure you

she's got nothing to confess
that concerns me.

Nothing at all. Absolutely not.

Really.

-[birds chirping]
-You see, my child, I am concerned

about your departed husband's soul,

considering the business he was in

and the violence of his death.

Look, Father,

I had nothing to do
with the business or his death.

I hope everybody understands that.

Oh, yes, I'm sure they do.

Now, about this chap that
you're going to marry, this...

Peter.

Oh, actually, Peter and I
have known each other

a very short while.

But he's so... so...

Yes, I'm sure he is.

Now, I do hope, my child,

that this is a true union of the souls,

not merely an attraction of the flesh.

Oh, no. No, no.

Peter is... Peter has
many, many admirable qualities.

And your late husband's Italian cousins?

How well do you know them?

Oh, they're very attentive,

very hospitable, very family-oriented.

So I gathered.

In fact, they're giving us
a week's vacation

at a luxury resort in Switzerland

as a wedding present.

Is that so?

Now, isn't that thoughtful?

To be honest, Father,
I can't wait to get away.

I mean, they're very sweet and all that,

but the atmosphere here at the villa

is a little bit stifling.

Oh, well, it's only natural
that you two love birds

should want to get on with the honeymoon.

Well, you can rely on me
to help you, in any way I can.

[excitedly] Well, thank you, Father.
Thank you.

I better get back inside.

[light music playing]

Ah, well, now,

I can see you've got an eye
for fine tailoring, Mr. Baines.

Oh.

Is that what they call the Italian cut?

No, actually, I had this made
in Savile Row.

Do you like it?

Splendid, splendid.

I have a friend who says

that you can tell a man's line of work

by the clothes he wears.

Really? [clears throat]
Well, what an interesting notion.

Yes, I've never understood that, myself.

You wouldn't be in the banking
business, now, would you?

Never had the opportunity,

but I always thought it would be
a fascinating challenge.

No, I've mostly just knocked about.

A bit of this, a bit of that.

Tell me, son, what kind of thing

have you lent your hand to, exactly?

Well, let me see.

I was a cruise director for a while.

And then there was a stint
selling securities.

I rather enjoyed that.

Then the company collapsed.

-What a shame.
-Yes.

And then I was a yacht broker
in Monaco for the season.

The trouble there was, I got seasick.

[both laugh]

And then once in Paris, when
I was a bit down on my luck,

I gave dancing lessons.

I would imagine a man would meet

a number of wealthy women
in that line of work.

Father, you never did tell me
how you met my brother, Harold.

Ah, yes.

Well, the exact circumstances
have slipped my mind.

Well, we were never that close, actually.

Harold was always a bit too...
too proper for my taste.

Odd, though.

I got a letter last Christmas
from one of my dotty aunties,

and she said something
about Harold being in Greece...

in jail.

-Oh, my.
-Yeah, strange.

Harold was always such
a straight-laced sort of fellow.

Well, I suppose you can never tell

about some people, you know.

Beneath the facade, there's
somebody totally unexpected.

[fanciful music playing]

[horn honking]

Hey, this is some kind of place here.

Gino, benvenuto.

Welcome to the land of your grandfathers.

Our home is your home.

Grazie.

I'm your cousin Antonio.

So sorry about your brother's death.

[speaking Italian]

Thank you. It was a lousy way to go.

Hey, come sta, Gino?
I am your cousin Vito.

Che fa, Gino?

This is not necessary.

We are cousins.

Hey, guys, it's a habit.

I feel naked without it.

We have heard the wonderful things
about you, cousin,

that you killed your first man
when you was 15.

-Thirteen, but who's counting?
-[all laugh]

-Grazie.

-Is Claudia here?
-Si, Si.

We give her all our attenzione.

That cheap bimbo left Boston in a hurry.

Maybe with something
that didn't belong to her.

I thought you said Gino was here.

But, Claudia, this is Gino.

This man is not Gino.

I've never seen him before in my life.

Now, wait a minute.

This broad ain't my brother's wife.

I don't know who this man is,

but I know the brother of the poor husband

who died in my arms.

She's lying.

Hey, look at my passport.

Did I hear somebody say
that Gino Carboni had arrived?

Monsignor, do you know Gino Carboni?

Oh, yes, of course.

He was the one who introduced me
to Claudia's husband.

He was the best golfer of the lot.

And this man, Monsignor?

How do you do? Monsignor o'Shaughnessy.

-And you are?
-Gino Carboni.

Oh, well, if he says he's Gino Carboni,

then he'd better go to confession.

What, are you all crazy?

Look at my passport!

Yes, it's a very good job.

Just like the real thing.

Only whoever forged it

gave the wrong zip code for Boston.

-Now, wait a minute!
-Silenzio.

You will please excuse us

while we send this imbroglione
back where he came from.

[door closes]

[mumbling]

[speaking Italian]

Oh, signora !

Oh, it's all right, Theresa.

Peter, you look terrible.

What's the matter?

[whispers] Get rid of her.

It's okay, she doesn't speak English.

Now, what's the matter?

-They just murdered him.
-Who?

Who? Who?

The chap claiming to be
your brother-in-law, that's who.

Poor sod.

Oh, Claudia, darling,

you know I worship the ground you walk on,

but this family of yours,

I'm just not sure
I'm gonna fit in, that's all.

I thought you loved me.

I do love you. You know I love you.

It's just that, well, deep down,

I think they resent me.

I don't want to cause
any family dissention.

Peter, darling, listen.

They're not really my family.

[chuckles]

Oh, sweetheart,

I promise, once we're married,

we never have to come back to Italy again.

You may not have much to say about it.

Oh, darling, I need you.

I just can't bear the thought
of all... that... money

and no one to share it with.

Yes, well, I well, I suppose,
on the other hand, I could--

I've gotta tell you something.

What?

The reason we're going to Switzerland...

Yeah?

Is because there's so much money

in my safe deposit box.

Well, you know, I suppose we don't have

to see that much of them, do we?

I mean, socially.

Exactly how much money
are we talking about here?

Well, I think it might
help you to understand

exactly the nature
of my ex-husband's business.

No! Claudia, no.

Really, I don't care to know.

But I want to be honest with you.

Yes, I know you do. I know. I know.

It's just that... [clears throat]
I just don't want to know.

I mean, supposing somebody, someday

puts me in the witness box?

Your relatives. Think about it.

They might take offense.

i think you'd better go
before they see you.

[speaking Italian]

Speak English.

Sometimes the hired help have big ears.

It's been confirmed.

The private bank account
is in Switzerland.

Our American cousins
have been cheating us.

But what bank?

As soon as we get the widow married off,

she goes off to Switzerland,

and she leads me right to the money.

But why is it you who
follows them to Switzerland?

Because you know the risks

if we leave the safety of Palermo.

However, no one know exactly

what's in this bank box, yes?

Or how much money it contains.

I will find out. I will bring it back.

Mario,

Vito and I no can let you
take this risk alone.

We all go to Switzerland.

If you insist.

We insist.

That way, we can all deliver

the final wedding present for Claudia

and her gigolo.

Ah, Signore Baines.

Un poco brandy before bed?

Va bene.

You're a man who has a taste for
the best things money can buy.

Oh, living well has [clears throat]
always been a bit of a hobby of mine.

Perhaps you'll join me in a cigar?

A cigar? Oh, thank you very much.

Yes, yes, I don't mind if I do.

I have these sent from Cuba.

Cuba? Oh, how nice.

Hmm? Oh.

Thank you.

Calms the nerves.

A bridegroom is always nervous, no?

Yes, I expect it's all [clears throat]
this waiting around.

In Sicilia, a man must
learn to be patient.

Pazienza.

Oh, yes, yes. By all means, yes.

You remember when you first arrived here,

you and I, we talk about
the honor of a famiglia?

Yes, I remember.

Absolutely. [chuckles nervously]

I'm not sure you understood.

-[traditional Italian music playing]
-There was a man from Napoli I once knew.

He was engaged to my sister.

A very impatient man.

He ran off with her to Rome
before the wedding.

Oh, dear.

He showed no respect.

He could not wait until
she was properly married.

So my brothers and me, we followed them

and we find them in a hotel in Rome.

And my poor sister, she becomes
a widow before she's married.

But that was another man, another time.

You are a man of understanding.

It will be an honor
to have you in our famiglia.

That's very nice of you to say so.

-Buona notte, Pietro.

Yes.

-[church bells ringing]
-Monsignor, it is an honor

you come all the way from Boston
for the ceremony.

You will of course assist
at the nuptial mass?

Of course.

-Bellissimo.

Now, if you will excuse me,

I must speak to the sexton
about the flowers.

Certainly.

-Signorina.
-Mm-hmm.

Will you look at these guys?

They won't let me out of their sight.

Well, they're just guarding
your virtue, my child.

Well, I would sooner give them the slip

and get on to Switzerland right now.

Now?

Darling, we really ought to
respect the local traditions.

And your cousins would be
awfully, awfully offended

if we didn't wait for the ceremony.

We're practically prisoners here.

What do you think, Monsignor?

Frankly, I don't think
you're going to get any peace

until you are in Switzerland.

Then let's do it.

No, darling. I'm sorry.

I don't want to sound stuffy,

but the family have made it very clear.

[stammering] And I, for one, am not going
to leave Sicily,

at least not until you and I
are properly married.

Oh, well, if that's
your only problem, son,

I could marry you quietly.

When?

Here and now.

Then you could be off
to Switzerland man and wife.

Great idea.

[upbeat Italian music playing]

Works for me.

[laughs]

-Andiamo.

-[church bells ringing]
-To love, honor, and obey,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

till death you do part?

I do.

Then by the power vested in me

by the Holy Mother of the Church,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

I don't believe I've ever heard

that version before, Father.

Well, there have been quite a few changes

since the Vatican Council.

You may now kiss the bride.

Hey, hey, hey! Che fanno?

No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Practice, practice.

Practico, practico.

[chuckles]

You go out and wait by the car.

I'll take care of this.
I'll be with you in a tick.

Monsignor o'Shaughnessy, what's going on?

Nothing.

We were just saying a few prayers,

and the lads got the wrong idea.

Thanks for the use of the hall, Father.

[men speaking in Italian]

Have him drive me!

Get in and drive!

Whoa!

Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!

[gunshots]

[tires squealing]

[gunshots]

[men speaking in Italian]

[car peeling out]

What happened back there?

Just a little misunderstanding
with one of the hired help.

[upbeat chase music playing]

[tires squealing]

Where in the name of all that is holy

did you learn to drive like this?

Daytona.

Dayt-- You must be joking.

I spent a season on the racing circuit.

Where are we going?

About five kilometers down the road.

Make the first right turn.
There's a small airstrip.

I've got a chartered plane waiting.

You're mighty well prepared, Father.

Uh, it's a wedding gift from His Eminence.

Just take bloody care

you don't get us killed
before we get there.

I'm doing my best.

[horn honking]

[men yelling in Italian]

[brakes squealing]

Let's get cracking.
We're in a bit of a hurry.

Scusi, Padre. I cannot take you.

What the hell are you talking about?

The charter, she is canceled.

The Carboni brothers just phoned me.

-No flights must leave--
-Now listen, you.

Get in that plane, and crank it up now!

Padre, forgive me. I cannot do it.

They threatened my life.
I have a wife and four children.

[airplane engine rumbling]

[tires squealing]

[car peeling out]

By the way, I know I keep asking you this.

Where are we going?

Geneva.

Charming.

Well, it's probably
not as plush as the suite

that your cousins planned
to reserve for you,

but, under the circumstances, much cozier.

Right, now, what we're gonna need

is a bottle of your best champagne,

two glasses, and a tin of Beluga caviar.

Oh, and let us know
when the luggage arrives

from the airport, would you?

Yes, monsieur.

Got any Swiss francs, Father?
I seem to be fresh out.

Merci, Monsignor.

Yes, well, thanks
for all your help, Father.

And now Mrs. Baines and I
really mustn't detain you

a moment longer.

-Peter, darling.
-My love.

As long as there really is no luggage,

would you be a dear and run to the lobby

and pick up some toothbrushes

and anything else you think we might need?

What a good idea.

Well, I won't be a moment.

Good-bye, Father.

If we're ever in Boston,
we'll give you a ring.

Okay, Padre, let's you and me talk turkey.

Why, Mrs. Baines, whatever do you mean?

If I thought I were really Mrs. Baines,

I'd be out that door.

My guess is, you're my contact from MI6.

Michael Hagarty, Mrs. Carboni,
at your service.

You'll have to forgive me,
I'm a very cautious man.

I would have revealed myself
to you a long time ago

except that one of our lads
got his throat cut...

by your cousins.

Then there is the little matter
of your fiancé.

Where'd you pick him up?

And more to the point, why?

Peter's attractive. We're in love.

And a girl has to make plans
for the future.

Try again.

A girl can always use some muscle.

Peter looks like he could
take care of himself and me

if things got rough.

He also looks like a pretty good beard

for a honeymoon trip

to look at a certain bank box
in Switzerland.

Now look who's being perceptive.

Look, Hagarty,

I agreed to go along
with British intelligence

on two conditions:

One, that I got protection
and asylum in England,

and, two, that I get to keep all the money

in the safe deposit box.

That is our deal, isn't it?

Hmm, if we get what we want...

namely, the little black book.

Look, I don't know what's in that book,

and I don't want to know.

All I want is a brand-new life

and a lot of financial security.

Not to mention a new husband.

It seems to me that Baines
is the kind of chap

that would go through a fortune
like a dose of salts.

Why don't you let me worry about Baines?

Fine. What I'm worried about
is your in-laws.

They must be aware of the goodies

in your safe deposit box.

But what they don't know
is which city and which bank.

Success!

Oh, are you still here, Father?

Haven't you got a flock
to shear somewhere else?

Now, now, now, now, I was just
talking to your bride

about her marriage obligations.

Ah, well, maybe
you could write her a letter.

Darling, while you talk
to Monsignor o'Shaughnessy,

I'm going to slip into a hot bath.

That's a splendid idea.

Take that with you.
I'll join you in a minute.

This preoccupation you have

with the pleasures of the flesh,

it's highly overrated, my son.

The true joy of marriage lies in--

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

You can drop the priestly
platitudes, friend.

I've impersonated a priest
myself once or twice.

Let me guess.

Was it when you were a fund-raiser?

Who are you?

Well, the name on my passport
says Michael Hagarty.

At least that's the name
on one of my passports.

I see.

Well, Mr. Hagarty,
I'm not sure what your game is,

and I don't really care.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'd rather like to start my honeymoon.

But since I'm not really a priest,

you're not really married.

Yes, I know that,

but I see no need
to break that news to Claudia,

at least not tonight.

Too late for that, I'm afraid.

What? You mean she already knows?

Mm.

Listen, boyo, I'll tell you
one thing and one thing only.

I'm with British intelligence,

and the lady and I are here in Geneva

to transact some business.

MI6. That's how you know Harold.

-He's MI6 too.
-Was.

That jail term in Athens is all too real,

and I'm the one who put him there,

with a little help from a writer friend.

The charge is murder.

Murder? Harold?

[scoffs] That's unbelievable.

Yeah, I always figured Harold
for a stuffed-shirt bureaucrat.

His weakness was money.

Apparently, it runs in the family.

Now, listen, you.

Claudia and I happen to be in love,

and we are gonna get married.

Sorry, boyo, but your
wedding night's on hold.

I can't let Claudia out of my sight

until we've concluded
our business in the morning.

Security reasons.

You're sleeping alone tonight.

Right here.

[telephone rings]

-Pronto.

[with French accent] Bonjour.

I would like to speak
to Mrs. Claudia Carboni,

s'il vous plait.

She's not here at the moment.

Who's speaking, please?

This is the Swiss Federal Bank in Geneva.

We would like to confirm her appointment

at 10:00 in the morning.

Call the airport. We leave subito.

I can get a message to her.

What bank was that?

Swiss Federal Bank, Geneva.

10:00 in the morning.

Grazie. M-merci.

[traditional Italian music playing]

Oh, hello.

Hello. How did you sleep?

Oh, hardly a wink. Ow!

What about you?

Well, I wasn't very comfortable

sleeping in there all by myself.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

Now, listen, Claudia,
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid

I'm really going to have to
put my foot down.

Just as soon as this
bank business is finished,

you and I are going to find a magistrate,

and we're gonna get properly married.

-Okay.
-Really?

-Peter.
-What's the matter?

There's something I should have told you--

Your family? Forget about it.

No, it's not the family.
It's something else.

-It's that I'm-- It's that I--
-[slow romantic music playing]

I really am attracted to you.

[both moaning]

The bank opens in half an hour.

I've got a car waiting downstairs.

Sent your dog collar to the cleaners,

have you, Padre?

You can get anything
at a good Swiss hotel...

if you tip the concierge enough.

Let's go.

Oh, hold it, hold it. I'm coming too.

-Sorry.
-Listen, Hagarty.

Now, Claudia and I
are practically married,

and I'm coming with you

just to make sure you don't pull
any tricks on her.

You make an interesting point, darling.

What's the matter? Doesn't he trust you?

The question is, do I trust you?

[suspenseful music playing]

You'd better get dressed.

Right. Ha!

Won't be long.

Peter, why didn't you tell me
you'd smudged my lipstick?

Sorry, darling.

Um, are we sure
this is gonna be big enough?

How much money do you think

one of those safe deposit boxes holds?

Well, I had a dream last night,

and, well, it was a jolly big box.

This is as far as you go, Mr. Baines.

Oh.

I'd like to visit
my safe deposit box, please.

May I have the key, madam?

Thank you.

Allow me.

Let's pray my dear departed
husband wasn't lying to me.

[gasps] Oh!

Oh. Oh.

Oh!

Well, it seems he was
as greedy as he was dishonest.

I'll just count this later.

[money thunks on floor]

Huh, and I thought only the little money

slipped through your fingers.

Color me overeager.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, the black book goes to you.

And the money stays with me.

Thank you, Mrs. Carboni.

It's a pleasure doing business with you.

Everything all right?

-Perfectly fine.
-That looks heavy.

Let me give you a hand with that.

I can manage.

Listen, while I was waiting,
I looked in the phone book.

Now, there's a magistrate
in the next street.

City Hall is just around the corner.

We can go in, get the license,
Bob's your uncle.

Bob's your uncle?

Yes, it's just
a figure of speech, Claudia.

English figure of speech.

Means everything's copasetic, terrific.

Well, Mr. Hagarty,

it's been extremely interesting
meeting you.

We won't trouble you for a lift.
We'll just take a cab, be on our way.

[speaking Italian]

You no think we could let you
slip out of town

without a wedding reception?

Unless you wish to shed your life's blood

here on the street, give us the suitcase.

Freeze! Stand very still, gentlemen.

Brian, get his gun.

[police siren wailing]

What is the meaning of this outrage?

-We have rights as--
-Yeah, yeah, let's go.

Let's go. Move it.

Get in and drive!

-[car peeling out]
-[suspenseful Italian music playing]

[Claudia screams]

[shouting in French]

What the hell was all that about?

Peter, you could have gotten
us killed, driving like that.

Don't worry, Claudia.

Your fiancé is an expert car driver.

Does anybody got a clue

who those other guys were back there?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I think I've got it sorted out.

C.I.A.?

You're C.I.A.?

Darling, why on earth didn't you tell me?

It was my cover, Peter.
I couldn't tell you.

Yeah, sure, but--

Just think of it as a healthy
competition, old chap.

British MI6 and the Yanks' C.I.A.

are both interested
in the same family business,

particularly a little black record book

that's been hidden away

in a secret numbered Swiss bank box.

Names, contacts, payoffs, the lot.

Only the widow of one of the Boston dons

knew the location and the numbers.

But we, considering that
our turf, had a better plan.

We thought we'd just nab
those thugs from Palermo.

So we came up with a scheme
to lure them out of Sicily,

where we couldn't touch them.

The honeymoon in Switzerland
fit in perfectly.

Actually, that was her idea.

Then you weren't really
married to that chap in Boston?

The real Claudia Carboni

must have gone to the U.S. authorities,

asked for protection,
offered to co-operate.

Isn't that true, Miss... or is it Mrs.?

Jennifer Page.

I'm a Miss.

Jennifer.

We grabbed her out
of a clerical job in Denver

because she was a dead ringer
for the real Claudia Carboni.

A risk, since she had no field experience.

My, you learn fast.

It's been a pleasure, Hagarty.

Anything I admire, it's a good loser.

By the way, where is the book, Agent Page?

Right over here.

[clears throat]

Is this what you're looking for?

Oh! Yes.

It fell out of your purse in the car.

Oh.

Thank you.

There you go.

Get this in the pouch
to Washington immediately.

-All right.
-Take the suitcase with you.

What? Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Claudia-- Yeah, I'm sorry. Jennifer.

What are they doing?

Guess that about wraps it up.

Where's he going with the case?

Better luck next time, Hagarty.

I'll catch up with you later.

Right.

You skunk!

You took that out of my purse!

I don't get any of this. Excuse me--

True, but at least I was gentleman enough

to give it back to you,

the same way you gave it to me
in the bank vault.

Don't worry, Miss Page.

I'll send the real thing along

after we've had a good, long look at it.

What-- Peter, what is it?

Well, I'm just a little confused here.

Does all this mean that you
don't get to keep the money?

No, I don't, darling. I'm sorry.

Regulations.

So can I give you two
a lift to the magistrate's?

What?

Oh, well, I don't know that
we have to rush into this.

I mean, there are a number
of things we've got to discuss,

such as... well, do you know

that I haven't even had the opportunity

of telling my own family
about this engagement?

Funny, that's the first time that came up.

Oh, darling, come on.

No, I love you deeply,
you know I do, I always will.

It's just that at the moment,
well, I don't even have a job.

Actually, I'm a bit flat,

and marriage is a very big
financial responsibility.

Terrific.

When you thought I was a rich mafia widow,

you couldn't wait to get me in the sack.

Oh, darling, no, no.

On that score, I was totally sincere.

I find you devastatingly attractive,

but, well, you've got to admit
that I've had a shock.

Several.

On the other hand, I don't see
why we can't have a...

Well, a really meaningful relationship.

-Relationship?
-Yeah.

That's like a commitment
with no rings attached, right?

Right?

No.

Right?

Well, sort of.

Yes, I've crossed trails
with our American competitors.

I warned you they were in the game.

They've packed the three items
from Palermo off to Boston.

And what about our merchandise?

Well, there was almost a mix-up.

But the authentic volume
is on its way to London

in today's pouch.

Oh, splendid, Michael. Congratulations.

But now, now, I've got something
rather interesting for you.

Oh, no, no, no. I've got leave coming.

We've had a tip

about the Alpine Grand Prix Auto Race,

which starts in Vienna
and winds up in Paris.

Of course, I could always take it later.

Well, it seems that they're
gonna use the race as a cover

to smuggle some counterfeit
currency plates into France,

and we'd like you to look into it.

Sounds like a bit of fun.

So happens that I bumped into a civilian

who's one hell of a driver.

He used to race.

And he's out of a job at the moment.

He might be useful.

-Use your best judgment.

Oh, and call me in the morning
on a secure line,

and I'll give you the details.

Whatever you do, don't let
the Americans get wind of it.

[Italian music playing]

[lively theme music playing]