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1
00:00:03,952 --> 00:00:06,022
Edwyn Huang,
I need the TV, pronto!
2
00:00:06,079 --> 00:00:07,126
Oh, okay.
3
00:00:07,212 --> 00:00:08,212
No.
4
00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:10,469
Is that grape jelly?
5
00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:12,282
PB&J burrito.
Want a bite?
6
00:00:12,368 --> 00:00:14,413
What about beans,
cheese, salsa?
7
00:00:14,694 --> 00:00:16,524
All that stuff's
in there, too, bro.
8
00:00:16,654 --> 00:00:18,727
Dear God.
You're a monster.
9
00:00:19,071 --> 00:00:20,110
I need the TV.
10
00:00:20,196 --> 00:00:21,352
My ass ain't moving.
11
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,320
Every day after school,
I make a bomb-ass snack
12
00:00:23,406 --> 00:00:24,446
and watch MTV.
13
00:00:24,532 --> 00:00:26,336
In other words,
wasting time.
14
00:00:26,422 --> 00:00:27,821
Whoa!
It's not a waste!
15
00:00:27,907 --> 00:00:29,862
I learned everything I know
from these videos.
16
00:00:29,948 --> 00:00:31,946
I didn't have a handsome,
jacked older brother
17
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,922
to teach me how to be cool.
I had MTV.
18
00:00:34,008 --> 00:00:35,852
No, thanks.
My letters of choice...
19
00:00:35,985 --> 00:00:37,730
Ah "P,"
ah "B," ah "S"...
20
00:00:37,815 --> 00:00:39,070
Ah PBS!
21
00:00:39,155 --> 00:00:41,800
Can you just stop
being a nerd for one second?
22
00:00:41,885 --> 00:00:44,688
Come on. Dude, this is
both music and a movie.
23
00:00:44,774 --> 00:00:45,774
It's double art.
24
00:00:45,860 --> 00:00:47,005
Hits you in your eyeballs
25
00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:48,993
and your ear... balls.
26
00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:51,894
I prefer imagination...
Theater of the mind.
27
00:00:51,980 --> 00:00:54,297
Fine.
Close your eyes, then.
28
00:00:54,431 --> 00:00:55,671
Hm.
29
00:00:58,294 --> 00:00:59,454
♪ Take that, ha, ha! ♪
30
00:00:59,540 --> 00:01:01,579
♪ Recently...
frontin', ain't sayin' nothin' ♪
31
00:01:01,665 --> 00:01:03,485
♪ So I just speak my piece ♪
32
00:01:03,571 --> 00:01:04,456
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ Keep my peace ♪
33
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:05,954
♪ Cubans with the Jesus piece ♪
34
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:06,993
- ♪ Thank you ♪
- ♪ With my peeps ♪
35
00:01:07,079 --> 00:01:08,764
♪ Packin',
askin', "Who want it?" ♪
36
00:01:08,865 --> 00:01:10,086
♪ You got it, flaunt it
37
00:01:10,172 --> 00:01:12,017
♪ That Brooklyn...,
we on it ♪
38
00:01:12,103 --> 00:01:14,579
♪ Biggie, Biggie,
Biggie, can't you see? ♪
39
00:01:14,681 --> 00:01:16,936
♪ Sometimes your words
just hypnotize me ♪
40
00:01:17,022 --> 00:01:19,555
♪ And I just love
your flashy ways ♪
41
00:01:19,641 --> 00:01:22,094
♪ Guess that's why they broke
and you're so paid ♪
42
00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:23,524
- ♪ Biggie, Biggie, Biggie ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh
43
00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:25,220
- ♪ Can't you see? ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
44
00:01:25,306 --> 00:01:27,196
Sorry.
Didn't grip my soul.
45
00:01:27,282 --> 00:01:29,274
Nor my toe.
Nor my head.
46
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:30,461
Are we done?
47
00:01:31,006 --> 00:01:32,937
Nobody in this house gets me.
48
00:01:36,504 --> 00:01:37,912
Needs more tuna.
49
00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:41,365
Captions by VITAC...
Sync corrections by srjanapala
50
00:01:41,451 --> 00:01:42,553
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
51
00:01:42,639 --> 00:01:44,592
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪
52
00:01:44,678 --> 00:01:46,576
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
53
00:01:46,662 --> 00:01:47,858
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
54
00:01:47,944 --> 00:01:50,209
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
55
00:01:50,295 --> 00:01:51,683
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
56
00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:53,326
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
*FRESH OFF THE BOAT*
57
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:54,722
Season 05 Episode 20
Episode Title: "Nerd Watching"
58
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,378
Come on.
I really need the TV.
59
00:01:58,464 --> 00:01:59,667
Sicily is
on her way over.
60
00:01:59,838 --> 00:02:02,486
Ooh.
Young lova's got a girlfriend.
61
00:02:02,754 --> 00:02:04,236
Please don't talk
in that voice.
62
00:02:04,322 --> 00:02:06,197
Need some tips
from your big bro?
63
00:02:06,283 --> 00:02:07,898
Lova' tips
for your girlfriend?
64
00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:10,033
You're the last person
I'd go to for advice.
65
00:02:10,119 --> 00:02:11,509
You're so annoying.
66
00:02:14,657 --> 00:02:16,842
Native to south central
Arizona...
67
00:02:17,192 --> 00:02:18,237
Nice!
68
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:19,806
Put on
the most boring thing
69
00:02:19,892 --> 00:02:20,908
so she'll want
to smooch ya.
70
00:02:20,993 --> 00:02:22,378
Zack is coming over,
too!
71
00:02:22,464 --> 00:02:24,033
Wait.
So no making out?
72
00:02:24,119 --> 00:02:26,134
The three of you are
just gonna watch bird TV?
73
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:28,008
Yes. We're birders.
We bird.
74
00:02:28,094 --> 00:02:29,650
Dude, you're going
to high school soon.
75
00:02:29,736 --> 00:02:31,712
- This bird crap...
- Isn't gonna fly.
76
00:02:31,798 --> 00:02:33,183
...is gonna
get you killed.
77
00:02:33,302 --> 00:02:35,712
Ed, in a few days,
a rare migration
78
00:02:35,798 --> 00:02:38,329
of the red-legged snail kites
is flying through town,
79
00:02:38,415 --> 00:02:40,165
and if we're not prepped
for the chase,
80
00:02:40,251 --> 00:02:41,766
I'd prefer death.
81
00:02:41,909 --> 00:02:43,580
Every time I think
you've reached peak nerd,
82
00:02:43,665 --> 00:02:45,306
you go and find
another nerd mountain to climb.
83
00:02:45,391 --> 00:02:46,986
Well,
lucky for both of us
84
00:02:47,072 --> 00:02:49,204
you're leaving soon
on your cultural exchange trip.
85
00:02:49,306 --> 00:02:50,900
I don't know.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
86
00:02:50,986 --> 00:02:52,823
I'm afraid what might
happen to you if I'm not here.
87
00:02:52,908 --> 00:02:56,603
I might come back to
some weird... half-man/half-book.
88
00:02:56,855 --> 00:02:58,790
My necktie
could be my bookmark.
89
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,759
I could cite myself
as a source!
90
00:03:00,845 --> 00:03:03,013
- No, I didn't mean it as a good...
- Oh, my God.
91
00:03:03,098 --> 00:03:05,938
I could finally spend the night
at the library!
92
00:03:10,278 --> 00:03:11,663
Hola.
93
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,251
Ma, what are you
wearing?
94
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,954
A serape.
95
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,985
Pure alpaca.
96
00:03:20,071 --> 00:03:21,423
- Alpaca?
- Internet boyfriend?
97
00:03:21,509 --> 00:03:25,000
Osvaldo,
an alpaca farmer in Chile.
98
00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:26,181
We e-mailed.
99
00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:29,053
He needed money
to build a new fence.
100
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:30,868
Ma, you're not sending him
money, are you?
101
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,410
You can't put a price
on this feeling.
102
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:35,295
I feel so alive!
103
00:03:37,256 --> 00:03:40,086
Oh, Osvaldo...
104
00:03:42,882 --> 00:03:45,189
It's not funny.
She's clearly getting scammed.
105
00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:47,007
I'm not surprised.
106
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,421
She's gullible! The whole side
of your family is.
107
00:03:49,507 --> 00:03:51,060
The Huangs
are not gullible.
108
00:03:51,145 --> 00:03:52,711
What about
when your brother tried to buy
109
00:03:52,796 --> 00:03:53,905
those "special" beans?
110
00:03:53,976 --> 00:03:56,370
Or when you thought
you could sit "reverse potty"?
111
00:03:56,455 --> 00:03:59,370
Or when you thought that rock
made your armpits smell good?
112
00:03:59,455 --> 00:04:01,970
The natural deodorant crystal
I'm still using?
113
00:04:02,055 --> 00:04:03,055
Gullible.
114
00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:04,749
I was afraid
the boys would inherit it.
115
00:04:04,835 --> 00:04:06,538
Being gullible
is not genetic.
116
00:04:06,624 --> 00:04:07,624
Yes, it is.
117
00:04:07,709 --> 00:04:09,155
If your ring finger
is the same length
118
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,325
as your middle finger,
it means you're gullible.
119
00:04:11,411 --> 00:04:12,444
Is that true?
120
00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:15,335
Oh, ha ha.
Nice try.
121
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,007
The point is,
my mom's being taken,
122
00:04:17,093 --> 00:04:18,444
and I've got to
shut it down.
123
00:04:18,530 --> 00:04:20,855
Brutal honesty...
That's the best way.
124
00:04:20,941 --> 00:04:21,956
Just tell her.
125
00:04:22,042 --> 00:04:23,726
You saw Ma.
She was so happy.
126
00:04:23,812 --> 00:04:25,523
She'd be crushed
if she knew it was all fake.
127
00:04:25,608 --> 00:04:28,853
People who fall for scams
deserve to feel humiliated.
128
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:30,710
That's how they learn.
129
00:04:30,841 --> 00:04:33,116
If you don't tell her,
I will.
130
00:04:36,528 --> 00:04:39,069
Oh. I need
some more crystal.
131
00:04:40,937 --> 00:04:41,912
Oh, hey.
132
00:04:41,997 --> 00:04:43,152
You want
my banana costume?
133
00:04:43,237 --> 00:04:44,820
It'd be a shame to just
let it sit here for a month.
134
00:04:44,905 --> 00:04:47,272
And neglect
my own fruit costumes?
135
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:48,991
Can you take my friends and me
to the mall?
136
00:04:49,076 --> 00:04:50,362
Look who suddenly
wants to hang out
137
00:04:50,447 --> 00:04:51,711
with their annoying
older brother.
138
00:04:51,796 --> 00:04:52,827
Just get to it.
139
00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:54,780
What do I have to do...
Drink sour milk,
140
00:04:54,866 --> 00:04:57,041
eat a toenail,
lick your booger wall?
141
00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:59,585
Nah. I'll take you.
I want to shop for a subwoofer.
142
00:04:59,689 --> 00:05:02,155
Plus, I can teach you
the cool way to mall-hang.
143
00:05:02,257 --> 00:05:04,437
First, we enter through
the back-alley service entrance,
144
00:05:04,522 --> 00:05:06,530
pop some Bubble Tape,
read some boobie graffiti...
145
00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:08,879
We just need to pick up
some bird gear and clothes
146
00:05:08,965 --> 00:05:10,327
- for the big day.
- Like...
147
00:05:10,413 --> 00:05:11,569
a cool pair of jeans?
148
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,069
Like some sun hats,
sketch pads,
149
00:05:14,155 --> 00:05:16,429
and a few waist satchels
to carry our lip balm.
150
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:18,303
Now, please
don't embarrass me.
151
00:05:18,389 --> 00:05:20,180
You're going to the mall
to buy fanny packs for birding,
152
00:05:20,265 --> 00:05:21,355
and you're worried
about me?
153
00:05:21,449 --> 00:05:22,457
Just please...
154
00:05:22,554 --> 00:05:24,611
Don't lock the windows, fart,
and crank the heat.
155
00:05:24,697 --> 00:05:25,702
How dare you.
156
00:05:25,788 --> 00:05:27,053
I would never
crank the heat.
157
00:05:27,256 --> 00:05:29,022
AC preserves the fart.
158
00:05:31,568 --> 00:05:33,505
♪ Roll, roll, roll your paint ♪
159
00:05:33,591 --> 00:05:35,153
♪ Gently down the wall ♪
160
00:05:35,244 --> 00:05:37,419
♪ Carefully,
carefully, carefully, carefully ♪
161
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,270
♪ Don't drip it in the hall ♪
162
00:05:39,694 --> 00:05:41,036
You're painting now?
163
00:05:41,122 --> 00:05:42,981
I've been asking you
to do that for years.
164
00:05:43,067 --> 00:05:44,489
Boy, you were right.
It needed it.
165
00:05:44,575 --> 00:05:47,120
Sucker's really drinking it up.
May need four coats.
166
00:05:47,206 --> 00:05:48,686
Why'd you paint "gullible"
on the ceiling?
167
00:05:48,771 --> 00:05:49,895
Huh?
168
00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,315
I did not look.
I'm not gullible.
169
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,575
Yes, you are!
170
00:05:52,661 --> 00:05:55,020
But I'm not, and I'm not
falling for this charade.
171
00:05:55,106 --> 00:05:57,544
You're delaying
breaking the news to your mom.
172
00:05:59,021 --> 00:06:00,318
Where are you going
with your bank pig?
173
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:03,317
I'm giving my money to Grandma
so she can help out her friend.
174
00:06:04,919 --> 00:06:06,966
Emery, you can't do that.
Listen...
175
00:06:07,052 --> 00:06:08,350
You know how I've been
searching for my thing...
176
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:10,536
Volleyball, line dancing,
flight attendant?
177
00:06:10,622 --> 00:06:12,777
Well, this is it...
Helping people.
178
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,708
Philanthropy
is my passion.
179
00:06:16,712 --> 00:06:17,712
Hm.
180
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:20,755
We can't tell Grandma.
181
00:06:20,841 --> 00:06:23,552
Oh, I thought "brutal honesty"
was the best policy.
182
00:06:23,638 --> 00:06:26,323
Well, that was when it was
about fake Latin lovers.
183
00:06:26,503 --> 00:06:28,770
This is about
our son's personal fulfillment.
184
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,474
I am just glad
you're on board.
185
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,138
Now, let's ruin
this scam artist.
186
00:06:32,224 --> 00:06:34,302
After you tape off
the moldings.
187
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:36,302
Just because
you're fake-painting
188
00:06:36,388 --> 00:06:38,098
doesn't mean
you can do a sloppy job.
189
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,254
Okay, guys,
favorite plover.
190
00:06:41,340 --> 00:06:42,692
Favorite plover?
191
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,076
I need a break
from this nerd talk.
192
00:06:44,161 --> 00:06:45,575
You guys
ever heard of...
193
00:06:45,763 --> 00:06:47,421
"Enter the Wu-Tang:
36 Chambers"?
194
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,325
Or was that
before you were born?
195
00:06:49,411 --> 00:06:50,996
Oh, no.
Here he goes.
196
00:06:51,082 --> 00:06:52,614
I remember the first time
I heard it.
197
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,345
I was 9.
It was Christmas morning.
198
00:06:54,431 --> 00:06:55,489
Santa brought it?
199
00:06:55,575 --> 00:06:56,575
Please!
200
00:06:56,661 --> 00:06:58,145
Wu-Tang would melt
Santa's face.
201
00:06:58,231 --> 00:06:59,974
I caught "Protect Ya Neck"
on MTV.
202
00:07:00,136 --> 00:07:01,611
That music video
changed my life.
203
00:07:01,759 --> 00:07:03,713
It's not music.
It's just talking.
204
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:06,737
Method Man, ODB,
RZA, Ghostface, Raekwon,
205
00:07:06,823 --> 00:07:08,526
spitting about Shaolin,
killer bees...
206
00:07:08,612 --> 00:07:09,823
chess!
207
00:07:10,456 --> 00:07:12,549
How did you learn
all this?
208
00:07:12,635 --> 00:07:13,901
Oh, from sup-dawg.
209
00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:15,276
What's sup-dawg?
210
00:07:15,362 --> 00:07:17,284
I don't know.
What's up with you, dawg?
211
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:19,479
Here we go.
212
00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:21,221
Wu-Tang is
for the children.
213
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,612
♪ Hey, you, get off my cloud ♪
214
00:07:23,705 --> 00:07:25,890
♪ You don't know me,
and you don't know my style ♪
215
00:07:25,975 --> 00:07:27,940
♪ Who be gettin' flam
when they come to a jam? ♪
216
00:07:28,026 --> 00:07:29,502
♪ Here I am, here I am ♪
217
00:07:29,588 --> 00:07:31,362
♪ The Method Man ♪
218
00:07:32,793 --> 00:07:35,179
And then we head over to the
food court for some free samples
219
00:07:35,264 --> 00:07:38,026
and hover over the hot dog stand
like a ghetto bird.
220
00:07:39,361 --> 00:07:40,737
A helicopter.
221
00:07:41,592 --> 00:07:43,276
Okay.
We'll navigate the mall
222
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:45,417
like civilized consumers,
thank you.
223
00:07:45,538 --> 00:07:47,706
Suit yourself.
Peace out, homies.
224
00:07:49,995 --> 00:07:50,780
What's a homie?
225
00:07:50,865 --> 00:07:52,005
I don't know.
226
00:07:52,627 --> 00:07:55,198
I'm sorry, guys.
He can be... a lot.
227
00:07:55,284 --> 00:07:57,168
Well, he seems to know
how to get around the mall.
228
00:07:57,253 --> 00:07:59,596
Never hurts
to try a different route.
229
00:07:59,989 --> 00:08:01,144
You're going with Eddie?
230
00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:04,863
Do you know what happens when a
peanut goes down a different route?
231
00:08:04,948 --> 00:08:07,487
Choke city!
Do you want that?!
232
00:08:10,519 --> 00:08:13,164
And boom!
We enter like ballers.
233
00:08:13,338 --> 00:08:15,838
You're so lucky to have
an older brother, Evan.
234
00:08:15,924 --> 00:08:17,065
You hear that, Evan?
235
00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:19,846
Well, I know you have some
important shopping to get to.
236
00:08:19,940 --> 00:08:21,314
I'm in the market
for a subwoofer.
237
00:08:21,399 --> 00:08:24,502
Really? I've been thinking about
getting a woof-woof myself.
238
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,529
You know
what I'm sayin', homie?
239
00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:29,002
Hey, why don't we all
go together?
240
00:08:29,099 --> 00:08:30,700
Because Eddie's route
goes through
241
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:32,138
the cover-your-eyes part
of the mall...
242
00:08:32,223 --> 00:08:34,473
Victoria's Secret,
Spencer's Gifts,
243
00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:35,754
and the rest
of the risqué.
244
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,051
Diesel Jeans
is over there.
245
00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:38,981
It's not risqué.
It's just Italian men stuff.
246
00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:40,933
More like dungarees
for fancy farmers.
247
00:08:41,019 --> 00:08:41,925
Right, guys?
248
00:08:42,011 --> 00:08:43,256
I don't know.
Seems durable.
249
00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:45,136
Guys, we're here
for birding supplies.
250
00:08:45,222 --> 00:08:47,925
Relax, Evan. Your friends
just want to be cool.
251
00:08:50,870 --> 00:08:51,885
I got it!
252
00:08:52,002 --> 00:08:53,667
You and I fly to Chile,
253
00:08:53,753 --> 00:08:55,097
pose as FBI agents,
254
00:08:55,183 --> 00:08:57,144
and threaten Osvaldo
with global fraud.
255
00:08:57,230 --> 00:09:00,074
I call it
Operation Chile Explosion.
256
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,505
I'm still brainstorming
the name.
257
00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:03,136
You need more brain
and less storm.
258
00:09:03,222 --> 00:09:06,082
Louis, this isn't some
criminal mastermind in Chile.
259
00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:07,469
This is a fatso
in Des Moines,
260
00:09:07,532 --> 00:09:09,887
sitting in front of a computer,
gobbling marshmallows.
261
00:09:09,972 --> 00:09:12,009
Oh, I don't know why we have to
be size-ist about this,
262
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,383
but sure,
let's go to Iowa.
263
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,430
Or we just write him an e-mail
and scare him off.
264
00:09:15,516 --> 00:09:17,813
Oh, what, just magically
hack into my mom's account
265
00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:18,828
and get his info?
266
00:09:18,914 --> 00:09:20,539
I already guessed
her password.
267
00:09:20,625 --> 00:09:22,672
It's 1-1-1-1.
268
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:25,249
You're right.
She's a genius.
269
00:09:28,085 --> 00:09:30,227
Look, I appreciate you guys
humoring Eddie,
270
00:09:30,313 --> 00:09:31,699
but please don't do it
on my behalf.
271
00:09:31,784 --> 00:09:32,852
It only encourages him.
272
00:09:32,938 --> 00:09:34,084
What are you
talking about?
273
00:09:34,170 --> 00:09:35,524
Yeah, he's the best.
274
00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:36,688
That guy?
275
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,416
♪ Hello? ♪
276
00:09:47,502 --> 00:09:49,322
♪ I wish I was
a little bit taller ♪
277
00:09:49,408 --> 00:09:50,540
♪ I wish I was a baller ♪
278
00:09:50,593 --> 00:09:52,845
♪ I wish I had a girl who looked
good, I would call her ♪
279
00:09:52,931 --> 00:09:55,087
♪ I wish I had a rabbit in a hat
with a bat ♪
280
00:09:55,173 --> 00:09:56,743
♪ And a six-four Impala ♪
281
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:58,696
♪ I wish I was
a little bit taller ♪
282
00:09:58,782 --> 00:10:00,018
♪ I wish I was a baller ♪
283
00:10:00,103 --> 00:10:02,517
♪ I wish I had a girl who looked
good, I would call her ♪
284
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,767
♪ I wish I had a rabbit in a hat
with a bat ♪
285
00:10:04,853 --> 00:10:06,368
♪ And a six-four Impala ♪
286
00:10:06,681 --> 00:10:08,439
♪ I wish I had a brand-new car ♪
287
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:09,915
♪ So far, I got this hatchback ♪
288
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:11,876
♪ And everywhere I go,
yo, I gets laughed at ♪
289
00:10:13,353 --> 00:10:14,908
Adiós, Osvaldo.
290
00:10:14,994 --> 00:10:17,040
Here's to no more
innocent victims being scammed.
291
00:10:17,126 --> 00:10:18,677
His response
was so pathetic...
292
00:10:18,763 --> 00:10:20,150
"Please, no jail.
293
00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:23,103
I'm crying in fear.
My family is innocent."
294
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,361
That was smart threatening
to cut off his hands.
295
00:10:25,447 --> 00:10:26,704
Computer guys
and their hands.
296
00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:27,606
Mm.
297
00:10:27,692 --> 00:10:28,845
Hey!
298
00:10:29,780 --> 00:10:32,462
Is that...
made from alpaca fur?
299
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:33,650
Yep.
300
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:35,228
An Osvaldo special.
301
00:10:35,331 --> 00:10:36,907
He sent it
as a thank-you.
302
00:10:36,993 --> 00:10:40,111
I speak Spanish, so I helped
your mom correspond with him.
303
00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:41,573
Boy, did they.
304
00:10:41,659 --> 00:10:43,514
I don't think
you want me to write that.
305
00:10:43,615 --> 00:10:45,390
That means you want him
to touch your...
306
00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:47,814
Type-y type-y.
307
00:10:50,222 --> 00:10:51,525
- Ew.
- That's my mother.
308
00:10:51,611 --> 00:10:53,496
Osvaldo's no choirboy,
either.
309
00:10:53,582 --> 00:10:56,111
Honey, you know this is all
an Internet scam, right?
310
00:10:56,335 --> 00:10:58,626
This sex machine Osvaldo...
He isn't real.
311
00:10:58,712 --> 00:11:00,098
Yeah, he was just
stringing my mom along
312
00:11:00,183 --> 00:11:01,328
so she'd send him money.
313
00:11:01,414 --> 00:11:02,462
But he gave it back.
314
00:11:02,571 --> 00:11:04,736
I saw the check.
He sent it with our gifts.
315
00:11:05,053 --> 00:11:06,962
Osvaldo is real?
316
00:11:10,228 --> 00:11:12,173
Z and Sicily,
in the place to be.
317
00:11:12,259 --> 00:11:14,079
That was a freestyle.
318
00:11:14,165 --> 00:11:16,590
Evan's just getting ready,
but you're welcome to join me.
319
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,483
Sure.
What'cha watchin', E-man?
320
00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:21,776
Uh, this is a commercial
for tomatoes.
321
00:11:21,862 --> 00:11:22,917
Dope.
322
00:11:23,738 --> 00:11:26,167
But "Yo! MTV Raps"
is what's on.
323
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,828
Oh. Maybe we can
catch Wu-Tang!
324
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,526
Who's all ready to bird?
325
00:11:32,612 --> 00:11:33,812
What are you wearing?
326
00:11:35,588 --> 00:11:38,128
Oh. These?
327
00:11:38,513 --> 00:11:40,808
My birding jeans.
328
00:11:40,970 --> 00:11:43,140
Or my B.J.s.
329
00:11:43,691 --> 00:11:46,046
I've never seen you
wear jeans.
330
00:11:46,435 --> 00:11:48,135
These are
carpenter cut.
331
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,479
Got a loop here...
For my... hammer.
332
00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:52,800
You don't have a hammer.
333
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,629
If you wanted
fashion advice,
334
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,331
should've just come
to your big bro.
335
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,526
Well, the saleswoman,
Gita,
336
00:11:59,612 --> 00:12:01,815
says these are the style
right now.
337
00:12:08,704 --> 00:12:09,743
Little stiff.
338
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,852
Just needs a bit of breaking in,
a wash or two.
339
00:12:11,938 --> 00:12:13,008
Ready?
340
00:12:13,094 --> 00:12:14,805
Hey, Eddie,
you should come with us.
341
00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:15,860
It'll be fun.
342
00:12:15,946 --> 00:12:18,165
We could listen to one of
your mixes on the way there.
343
00:12:18,251 --> 00:12:19,966
I just finished a sick one
for Taiwan.
344
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:21,188
It's gonna
blow your minds.
345
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,289
You're coming?
Bird watching?
346
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,620
Yeah. Why not?
I'm great at I Spy.
347
00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:26,837
I spy...
348
00:12:26,923 --> 00:12:28,423
the top button
of your jeans popping.
349
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:30,659
Don't you
have better things to do?
350
00:12:30,745 --> 00:12:33,200
Like sitting, eating,
more sitting?
351
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,149
You mean like
the things that kings do?
352
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:36,899
Let's bird.
353
00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:49,227
No sign
of a snail kite yet.
354
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:50,587
No,
but I finished
355
00:12:50,673 --> 00:12:52,860
the black-whiskered vireo
I've been watching.
356
00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:55,540
Oh, "bird"? I thought
we were nerd watching.
357
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:57,259
I've been drawing Zack.
358
00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:04,219
I love it
when you bust my yams, E.
359
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,848
Can you guys quiet down
the love-fest over there?
360
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:09,032
We don't want to scare
the red-legged snail kite.
361
00:13:09,118 --> 00:13:10,444
Did you ever notice
that every bird's
362
00:13:10,529 --> 00:13:11,774
just a body part
and a color?
363
00:13:11,881 --> 00:13:13,966
"There's
a purple-butt flapper."
364
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:16,204
Um, "The
rainbow-nut pheasant."
365
00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:18,337
That's enough!
366
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:20,720
The red-faced lil' bro.
367
00:13:20,806 --> 00:13:22,345
You know what you call a bird
that hangs out with birds
368
00:13:22,430 --> 00:13:23,501
three years its junior?
369
00:13:23,587 --> 00:13:24,954
A loser!
370
00:13:25,143 --> 00:13:26,798
Oh, you don't like
that bird?
371
00:13:26,884 --> 00:13:28,891
Well, I got two more for you
right here!
372
00:13:29,129 --> 00:13:32,226
Yeeaaaaah!
373
00:13:34,115 --> 00:13:36,892
__
374
00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:42,222
- I'm a loser?
- If you have to ask "Who's the loser?",
375
00:13:42,308 --> 00:13:43,723
it usually means
it's you.
376
00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:45,251
Coming from bird boy,
that's rich.
377
00:13:45,337 --> 00:13:47,752
You're always trying to give me
"hot tips" on how to be cool.
378
00:13:47,838 --> 00:13:49,093
Well,
here's one for you...
379
00:13:49,158 --> 00:13:51,004
Instead of stealing
your little brother's friends,
380
00:13:51,089 --> 00:13:52,859
find some your own age.
381
00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:56,035
Well, I'm sorry for wanting
to hang out with you.
382
00:13:56,229 --> 00:13:57,944
And FYI,
those are women's jeans.
383
00:13:58,177 --> 00:13:59,762
No, they're Jordans!
384
00:13:59,848 --> 00:14:01,111
Jordache.
385
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:06,159
I got it!
386
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,546
So, we may have ruined
387
00:14:07,632 --> 00:14:09,149
my mom's shot at love
with her pen pal,
388
00:14:09,234 --> 00:14:10,649
but she's never
seen this guy, right?
389
00:14:10,734 --> 00:14:11,719
Not with her eyes.
390
00:14:11,804 --> 00:14:14,499
But the way he describes
his body in these e-mails...
391
00:14:14,585 --> 00:14:16,019
The man can paint a picture.
392
00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:18,189
Okay, hear me out.
393
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,320
We hire someone
to act as Osvaldo
394
00:14:20,406 --> 00:14:21,749
and sweetly
break up with her.
395
00:14:21,835 --> 00:14:23,977
There's a bagger at the Piggly
Wiggly from El Salvador.
396
00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:26,147
No, we have to tell her
the truth, like I wanted to
397
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,873
- from the beginn...
- Tell who the truth?
398
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,192
Louis...
399
00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:33,304
I need to talk the talk
if I'm gonna walk the walk.
400
00:14:33,390 --> 00:14:34,555
I don't think
this is a good idea.
401
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,413
It's time.
Brutal honesty.
402
00:14:36,499 --> 00:14:38,062
- Emery.
- Please don't do this.
403
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,327
You see, we thought.
404
00:14:39,456 --> 00:14:41,281
Grandma's friend
in South America was...
405
00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:42,968
Was a scam.
I know.
406
00:14:43,054 --> 00:14:44,640
I wasn't really
gonna give her my money.
407
00:14:44,726 --> 00:14:45,984
Then why did you say
you were?
408
00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:47,140
Dad told me to.
409
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,535
Well, what about
finding your passion?
410
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:52,109
That part was true.
I did.
411
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,368
But it's not
helping people.
412
00:14:53,454 --> 00:14:54,718
It's acting!
413
00:14:55,071 --> 00:14:56,710
You totally believed me.
414
00:14:58,528 --> 00:15:00,613
You turned our son
into an actor!
415
00:15:00,699 --> 00:15:03,432
Flight attendant feels like
an attorney compared to this!
416
00:15:03,518 --> 00:15:05,174
I was just trying
to protect my mom.
417
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,402
Well, who's gonna
protect you?
418
00:15:06,487 --> 00:15:08,448
I can't believe
you scammed me!
419
00:15:08,534 --> 00:15:11,049
Well, people who are gullible
enough to fall for scams
420
00:15:11,135 --> 00:15:12,220
deserve what they get.
421
00:15:12,306 --> 00:15:13,315
That's how they learn.
422
00:15:13,401 --> 00:15:14,846
Well, nice scam, Louis.
423
00:15:14,932 --> 00:15:16,347
You didn't even
take my money.
424
00:15:16,743 --> 00:15:18,213
Amateur.
425
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,651
Hey, Eddie.
Mind if I watch, too?
426
00:15:26,266 --> 00:15:29,073
Just take my spot.
I'm gonna go pack for the trip.
427
00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:30,542
Hey, in a few days,
428
00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:32,651
you'll get a nice break
from your loser brother.
429
00:15:37,782 --> 00:15:38,867
Whoa.
430
00:15:38,953 --> 00:15:40,534
Eddie never yields
his spot on the couch
431
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:41,642
when his show's on.
432
00:15:41,728 --> 00:15:42,775
He's mad at me.
433
00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:43,837
I messed up,
434
00:15:43,923 --> 00:15:45,708
and I don't know
how to get through to him.
435
00:15:45,794 --> 00:15:47,392
This sucks.
436
00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,704
What song is this?
437
00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:54,875
It's nice.
438
00:15:54,961 --> 00:15:56,322
I kinda like it.
439
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:08,017
♪ Don't go chasing waterfalls ♪
440
00:16:08,104 --> 00:16:11,135
♪ Please stick to
the rivers and the lakes ♪
441
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,321
♪ That you're used to ♪
442
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:16,899
♪ I know that you're gonna
have it your way ♪
443
00:16:16,985 --> 00:16:18,993
♪ Or nothing at all ♪
444
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,321
♪ But I think
you're moving too fast ♪
445
00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:25,772
Come on!
446
00:16:25,858 --> 00:16:27,649
♪ I seen a rainbow yesterday ♪
447
00:16:27,735 --> 00:16:29,727
♪ But too many storms
have come and gone ♪
448
00:16:29,854 --> 00:16:31,696
♪ Leaving a trace
of not one God-given ray ♪
449
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,525
♪ Is it because my life
is 10 shades of gray? ♪
450
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:34,995
♪ I pray
all 10 fade away ♪
451
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,866
♪ Seldom praise Him
for the sunny days ♪
452
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,627
♪ And like His promise is true,
only my faith can undo ♪
453
00:16:39,713 --> 00:16:42,688
♪ The many chances I blew
to bring my life to anew ♪
454
00:16:42,774 --> 00:16:44,197
♪ Clear and blue
and unconditional skies ♪
455
00:16:44,282 --> 00:16:46,024
♪ Have dried the tears
from my eyes ♪
456
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:47,395
♪ No more lonely cries ♪
457
00:16:47,481 --> 00:16:48,796
I know how
to get through to him.
458
00:16:49,027 --> 00:16:50,321
I get Eddie!
459
00:16:50,407 --> 00:16:51,696
♪ ...waterfalls ♪
460
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,755
I, uh, thought
I'd make a big dinner
461
00:16:58,841 --> 00:17:00,456
to try and make up
for everything.
462
00:17:00,548 --> 00:17:01,833
How do I know
that's true?
463
00:17:01,919 --> 00:17:03,470
Maybe you cooked it
to eat all yourself.
464
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:04,821
It's a 20-pound turkey.
465
00:17:04,907 --> 00:17:07,336
Is it? Or are you trying
to scam me with a giant chicken?
466
00:17:07,422 --> 00:17:09,047
Where's Evan?
He knows birds.
467
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,125
There you go again...
Using one of our sons
468
00:17:11,211 --> 00:17:12,657
to help you
spin your lies.
469
00:17:12,743 --> 00:17:15,391
I'll admit, if I had been honest
with my mom from the beginning...
470
00:17:15,477 --> 00:17:17,633
Emery wouldn't want
to be an actor.
471
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,414
Well, that, and I wouldn't
have hurt you...
472
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,685
Or ruined her relationship
with Osvaldo.
473
00:17:21,771 --> 00:17:23,101
You did what?
474
00:17:24,664 --> 00:17:27,219
Ma, we thought he was
scamming you for your money.
475
00:17:27,305 --> 00:17:31,000
I was scamming him
for free alpaca gear.
476
00:17:31,102 --> 00:17:33,289
I already
flipped his gift
477
00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:36,160
for three times
of what I sent him.
478
00:17:36,246 --> 00:17:37,539
What?
479
00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:40,492
But I thought you said
Osvaldo made you feel so alive.
480
00:17:40,578 --> 00:17:41,672
Yeah.
481
00:17:41,758 --> 00:17:44,373
Tricking morons
is a rush.
482
00:17:44,459 --> 00:17:47,000
I've got
a bunch of scams going.
483
00:17:47,086 --> 00:17:48,901
That's why I love Florida.
484
00:17:48,994 --> 00:17:51,196
So many old idiots.
485
00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:59,063
Maybe you Huangs aren't
so gullible after all.
486
00:17:59,149 --> 00:18:00,662
That's right. We're crafty.
487
00:18:00,787 --> 00:18:01,972
Now let's eat.
488
00:18:02,024 --> 00:18:03,200
I can pig out
as much as I want
489
00:18:03,285 --> 00:18:05,696
since I bought this
Digestion Accelerator Band.
490
00:18:05,782 --> 00:18:08,219
The arrows let you know
it's facing the right direction.
491
00:18:08,789 --> 00:18:10,094
♪ Poppa and Puff ♪
492
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:12,516
♪ Close like Starsky and Hutch,
stick the clutch ♪
493
00:18:12,602 --> 00:18:13,774
♪ Dare I squeeze three... ♪
494
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,414
Why are you
listening to this?
495
00:18:16,173 --> 00:18:17,602
I'm using it
to get you in here.
496
00:18:17,688 --> 00:18:19,481
Like a bird call.
An Eddie call.
497
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,721
You mean like
a mating call?
498
00:18:20,806 --> 00:18:22,451
Ew! Come on!
499
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,672
I'm trying to tell you
I finally understand
500
00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:26,071
why you like
these music videos.
501
00:18:26,157 --> 00:18:28,211
I watched "Waterfalls,"
and it spoke to me.
502
00:18:28,297 --> 00:18:29,812
I totally
related to it...
503
00:18:29,977 --> 00:18:31,922
How we should be comfortable
with who we are
504
00:18:32,008 --> 00:18:33,363
and not chase
something we're not.
505
00:18:33,449 --> 00:18:34,764
That song's about HIV.
506
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,617
- Oh.
- Yeah.
507
00:18:36,751 --> 00:18:39,266
Well, I'm sorry
I called you a loser.
508
00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:40,797
I wish I could be
like you...
509
00:18:40,883 --> 00:18:42,930
Fun, relaxed,
instantly likeable.
510
00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:44,375
But I can't.
511
00:18:44,461 --> 00:18:46,146
You can be smart
when you choose to,
512
00:18:46,232 --> 00:18:47,914
but I can never be cool.
513
00:18:48,048 --> 00:18:49,463
Doesn't work that way.
514
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:51,071
I thought that, too.
515
00:18:51,819 --> 00:18:54,336
But... after hanging out
with you,
516
00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:56,539
I realized
you're already cool.
517
00:18:56,625 --> 00:18:57,640
I am?
518
00:18:57,726 --> 00:18:58,617
Yeah!
519
00:18:58,703 --> 00:18:59,871
Anybody
with enough swagger
520
00:18:59,957 --> 00:19:01,689
to convince their friends
to go bird watching
521
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,089
is doing just fine.
522
00:19:03,224 --> 00:19:04,797
Please. I can't
take the credit.
523
00:19:04,883 --> 00:19:06,524
The birds are
the real draw.
524
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:08,408
And, hey, I wasn't trying
to hog your friends.
525
00:19:08,493 --> 00:19:11,235
I just wanted to spend time
with you before I leave.
526
00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:12,727
You're only going
for a few weeks.
527
00:19:12,813 --> 00:19:15,555
I mean leave leave...
Like, to college.
528
00:19:16,087 --> 00:19:18,282
For a year,
and then on to the NBA,
529
00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:20,696
and then to run
my own pizza empire.
530
00:19:20,782 --> 00:19:21,749
Pizza?
531
00:19:21,835 --> 00:19:23,524
Yeah. Hot dogs
have too much baggage.
532
00:19:23,610 --> 00:19:26,422
You know, with the whole
made-out-of-pig-butts stuff.
533
00:19:26,508 --> 00:19:27,762
How did we get here?
534
00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:29,969
Anyway,
you don't need my help.
535
00:19:30,055 --> 00:19:31,870
You'll be just fine
when I'm gone.
536
00:19:32,055 --> 00:19:33,306
Thanks, Eddie.
537
00:19:34,694 --> 00:19:36,689
Told ya you could be smart
when you want to.
538
00:19:36,916 --> 00:19:39,541
Maybe I'm not the only
Bibliosapien in the family.
539
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,822
Half-man/half-book.
540
00:19:42,994 --> 00:19:45,252
Wait.
Which half of me is book?
541
00:19:45,338 --> 00:19:47,066
I-I still have my, uh...
542
00:19:47,268 --> 00:19:49,127
microphone. Right?
543
00:19:52,764 --> 00:19:54,744
The
woofer's rattling my chest!
544
00:19:54,836 --> 00:19:56,603
Hell yeah, it is!
545
00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:58,978
Eddie, what have you done
to our van?
546
00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:01,861
If your music breaks the car,
you're buying us a new one.
547
00:20:02,144 --> 00:20:04,463
Come on, guys.
Give it a chance.
548
00:20:10,483 --> 00:20:13,877
♪ Well, just plug me
in just like I was Eddie Harris ♪
549
00:20:13,970 --> 00:20:15,135
♪ You're eatin'
crazy cheese ♪
550
00:20:15,221 --> 00:20:16,667
♪ Like you would think
I'm from Paris ♪
551
00:20:16,752 --> 00:20:19,577
♪ You know I get fly,
you think I get high ♪
552
00:20:19,663 --> 00:20:22,248
♪ You know that I'm gone,
and I'm-a tell you all why ♪
553
00:20:22,358 --> 00:20:24,689
♪ So, tell me,
who are you dissin'? ♪
554
00:20:24,775 --> 00:20:26,072
♪ Maybe I'm missin' ♪
555
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,803
♪ The reason that you're smilin'
or wilin', so listen ♪
556
00:20:28,889 --> 00:20:31,404
♪ In my head, I just
wanna take 'em down ♪
557
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:34,075
♪ Imagination set loose,
and I'm gonna shake 'em down ♪
558
00:20:34,161 --> 00:20:36,369
♪ Let it flow
like a mudslide ♪
559
00:20:36,455 --> 00:20:39,064
♪ When I get on,
I like to ride and glide ♪
560
00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:41,556
♪ I've got depth of perception
in my text, y'all ♪
561
00:20:41,642 --> 00:20:44,768
♪ I get props at my mention
'cause I vex, y'all ♪
562
00:20:44,854 --> 00:20:46,057
♪ So what'cha, what'cha,
what'cha want? ♪
563
00:20:46,142 --> 00:20:47,111
♪ What'cha want? ♪
564
00:20:47,197 --> 00:20:49,002
♪ I get so funny
with my money ♪
565
00:20:49,088 --> 00:20:50,549
♪ That you flaunt ♪
♪ You flaunt ♪
566
00:20:50,635 --> 00:20:53,197
♪ I said, "Where'd you get
your information from, huh?" ♪
567
00:20:53,283 --> 00:20:56,431
♪ You think that you can front
when revelation comes? ♪
568
00:20:56,566 --> 00:20:58,400
♪ Yeah, you can't... ♪
569
00:20:58,486 --> 00:21:00,180
The comptetion 's
heating up.
570
00:21:00,266 --> 00:21:01,606
Ah! Miracle I...
41952
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