Original subtitles

[calm music]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[dramatic music]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[slow upbeat music]

- Then I was gonna suggest that place, Margo,

because it's like kind of perfect vibes.

Like, it's not too romantic, but it's like not boring.

It's for sure trendy without being like,

oh my God, she's so la.

You know what I mean?

But the food's not that good,

and I wasn't sure if you were gonna wanna get food.

And then I was like, oh, I don't want them to think

like I have bad taste in food.

Oh, did you wanna get food?

No, no, I'm good.

And I like this place.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, me too.

Am I being awkward?

No.

No, no, not at all.

- I think I just feel awkward because I ordered a drink

and then you ordered water and no, I'm like spiraling.

So are you sure you don't wanna get a drink?

No.

No, I'm sure.

Okay.

Whatever you say.

I'm six months sober.

Oh.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

[playful music]

Leo. [giggling]

Wait, where are we going? [giggling]

We're almost there.

- Oh, seriously, where are you taking me?

We're almost there.

Oh my God.

You like have a boat?

You live on a boat?

Oh my God.

[waltz music]

Oh my God.

Rose petals?

That's just like season four episode seven

of "Love is Deaf."

You remembered. [giggling]

No, no, no, no.

The pink ones are the best ones.

I'm not budging on this.

The red is better.

You're so wrong.

I'm wrong?

- You don't even know how wrong you are.

- You don't even know how wrong you are.

[phone vibrating]

Sorry, I gotta take this.

Oh, okay.

Dude, you gotta relax.

I will personally see to it that his asshole is torn apart.

No, I'm on a date right now.

You wanna talk to her?

Okay, fine.

Hey, can you just say, "Hi, Cliff?"

Hi. [chuckles]

No, we didn't.

No, we're not.

I don't plan to.

- I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up,

but then when I was 14, I went to go see "The Lion King,"

and I was like, wow, I wanna do that.

Yeah, I then saw Santa dude.

I was like, maybe I don't wanna do that.

But then I saw "West Side Story" and I was like,

oh my God, I'm an actor. [laughs]

Uber's taking a while.

Do you wanna?

Sorry, do you wanna come back to mine for a drink?

[waltz music]

No.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, sorry.

That was dumb.

I actually didn't want to.

Oh, perfect.

[waltz music]

[waltz music continues]

Did you want like a salad?

I like salad.

You like salad?

I know you got got the green on you.

That remind you of salad?

Yeah.

Do you wanna get some shots?

- Ooh, shots. - Let's do it.

- And I was like, I should audition to be a Disney princess.

Because my eyes are like really big

and wide apart, you know?

Don't it guy look like one?

Yeah.

You kinda look like a prince.

We could be a prince and a princess.

That'd be kind of fun.

[both laughing]

Okay.

- That's my Uber. - That's your Uber.

Okay.

- Bye. - See ya.

Nice to meet you.

[car revving]

[waltz music]

[waltz music continues]

It's to remember me by.

[waltz music]

You're not real.

[waltz music]

[bright music]

- That was the worst date of all time.

Literally, you guys, I'm waking.

[bright music]

- How are you? - You're amazing.

You guys are sucking up now

because you know you're supposed to be here by 10.

- Oh. - What?

- We tried so hard to get here on time,

but it just did not align with our journey.

- Yes, Dusty had a very aggressive journey last night,

so it made our journey out of the house tonight really hard.

- So hard. - So hard.

- Come on. - Oh my gosh.

I love you and I cherish you.

I love you.

- I'm literally gonna eat your face.

You're like objectively hot.

Are you Callie Girl?

Oh yeah.

Oh my God.

I'm like such a fan.

I follow you for forever.

I'm so sorry.

You've seen such terrible content.

[giggles] No, it's not.

Will you take a selfie with me?

Oh, um.

What a bitch.

It's okay. Come on.

- How do I find not terrible men?

Manifest it, babe.

You gotta put out into the world the energy that you want.

- Do you think I'm putting in the world

that I want terrible men?

Oh my gosh. No.

Honestly, maybe.

No.

No, no.

No.

Definitely not.

But maybe you are getting in your own way.

- Wait, what does that mean though?

Are you gonna do at VidCon?

Ah, my God.

I hate that you asked that question

because I can't do the course

I wanted to teach on eyebrows

and what it says about your personality,

because literally, 10 other people

are gonna be doing the same thing.

- Oh yeah. - Okay.

But what if you made it funny?

- Yeah, I guess I can make it funny.

- I think I'm just gonna do a panel on identity

so I can like, phone it in.

- Callie, I feel like you should do a speed dating thing

where you host it like your toxic girlfriend.

Oh my God.

She's like, "Ah, hi, and welcome.

Shut the fuck down."

No.

That's awesome.

That's me.

- I'm not gonna go to VidCon this year.

- Wait, what? - What?

- Why? - You?

- No, I just like, I haven't heard anything about it,

and so I feel like I might not be featured this year,

which is fine.

Oh my God.

You didn't get the email?

Callie.

I mean, you have been saying you wanna lean more

into hosting anyways, right?

Maybe this is a sign from the universe

and like a hosting gig is gonna pop up that weekend.

And thank God you weren't committed to VidCon

so you can do it.

So excited for you.

This is great.

Oh my God.

Is that Chantal Diamond Head?

I live for Chantal.

No, no.

I hate the Diamond Head family.

- What? - Okay.

So I on vacation and I met one of them

then I stopped all of them, then I followed all of them,

but then they didn't follow me back.

So I unfollowed them.

And now, I'm in a fight with the whole fucking family.

I don't think it's a fight

if the other person doesn't know that you're fighting.

- I think you should go say something.

They should know how bad that they hurted you.

Hold me back, guys.

- Hold me back. - Oh no.

Oh my God.

Do it, Dessy.

Don't fight.

Your little bones will break.

Chantal would kick your ass.

[upbeat music]

I keep telling this nim watts.

These shit coins are not a pump and dump.

If you're smart, you play the pump.

You don't care.

- I am trying really hard to care. [chuckles]

- Last call. - Oh.

Do you wanna get an Uber?

Yeah.

Okay.

- And then when I was four, I was like,

oh, pizza hurts my stomach.

And I guess that's like when I knew.

This is the dairy?

Yeah.

No, that's what I'm talking about.

I really have to pee.

You ever tried camel's milk?

What?

Camels milk.

No.

- What the fuck is up with this guy?

He's back to eight minutes.

Oh my God, I can't, I can't.

I really have to pee.

Can I please go?

We're close.

It's an emergency.

Sorry, I can't do it.

I'm gonna be right back.

You stay here.

I'm gonna be right back.

Hey, mom.

[playful music]

What the fuck?

You're peeing on me.

Stop.

Stop peeing. Stop peeing.

You're peeing on me.

You're peeing on me.

Oh my, you peed on my toes.

You peed on my shoes.

You peed on my toes.

You could be arrested for sex offending peeing outside.

Oh yeah?

- Do you know that? - You couldn't?

- When's the last time you were tested for STDs?

- You can't get STDs through pee.

- Oh, don't mansplain STDs to me.

What?

- Are you gonna like, clean my toes?

No!

Or apologize or anything?

No, you also peed on me.

Bye.

Thank you for peeing your STDs on me.

I don't have STDs.

Hey, did you guys see a guy?

He's like...

He's like a crypto guy.

Fuck.

[playful music]

Can you call me an Uber?

Hello?

What?

- Can you please call me an Uber because my phone's dead

and my friends are gone.

I don't have a phone.

Oh.

How convenient for you.

Fucking asshole.

[waltz music]

Are you following me?

Am I following you?

Yeah, are you following me?

No, no.

No, no.

I just, this is like the only path to walk.

Why are you walking?

Well, my bike broke down.

After you.

Oh my God.

I'm not following you.

- Okay, but can you like, walk ahead of me?

'Cause it's freaking me out now.

- I'm freaking you out? - Yeah.

I can feel your eyes.

It's like the beginning of a horror film.

So you're scared of me?

No, I'm not.

This is a horror film?

I'm not scared of you.

You're a man walking by.

- I'm scared of men. - Oh.

I'm scared of like, all men.

Right, okay.

All men.

Yeah.

Not just some all men.

And some large women.

What'd you say, large women?

- Some large women, yeah. - Oh, okay.

- But seriously, can you walk ahead?

Yeah, absolutely.

I will do that.

[gentle music]

- It's weird. - It's weird.

- It's super weird. - Yeah, it's very weird.

Can you just go ahead?

- Why, you wanna look at my butt?

Wow.

No, I don't wanna look at your butt.

I can just feel your eyes in the back of my neck.

I'm not even looking at you.

You're looking at me, okay.

You're look, you're just...

- Just come on. - Yeah, all right. Fine.

Just go the same.

Same what?

Walk the same line as me.

[gentle music]

You all right?

Yeah.

Wasn't expecting to wear these this long.

[gentle music]

I'm Callie.

Leo.

Leo.

Are you cold?

- No. - No?

- Do you think you could film me and text it to me?

I really wanna make a video

about how that guy left me at the bar

and then if I could cut to my feet walking in the heels

and then have that mouth filter, you know.

It's the big mouth.

And have them shout, like, "Save us."

But my phone's dead.

- I could like tag you. - Right.

If you wanted.

- Yeah, I just don't have a phone.

- Oh, you were serious about that?

Yeah.

What happened to your phone?

- Nothing, I just don't have one.

You don't own a phone?

Nope.

Why don't you own a phone.

I just don't own a phone.

I don't need it.

- What do you mean you don't need a phone?

I mean, I don't need a phone.

But how do you like,

call people or look stuff up or get directions?

Or can you even buy anything without a phone?

- Do you need to answer these questions individually

or is this like a global sort of?

No, okay.

- Philosophical. - Okay.

Like what do you do for work?

I work on boats.

It's weird.

Okay, so don't they need to call you and be like,

"Hey, can you come work on this boat at 12:15?"

- No, it's kinda hard for me to miss an appointment

'cause I live on the dock.

You live on a dock?

Yeah, I live on the dock.

Are you a merman?

No.

Oh my.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You're homeless?

Are you serious?

Are you not homeless?

No, I live on a boat.

- Is that not the same as being homeless?

No. [chuckles]

What do you do for work?

I'm a content creator.

You're a what?

Yeah, I'm an influencer.

- Run for your life. - Oh my God.

- Nobody's safe. - I didn't say that.

Sorry your date left you at the bar.

He wasn't my date.

- He looked like he was your date.

Yeah, well, not everybody's

what everything they look like.

- That stuff's all pretty fake, yeah?

What stuff?

Like the influencer stuff?

It's fake.

Fake, how?

- Like when you're talking, it's not really you talking,

it's like a fake you talking.

Ah, no, there's not a fake me.

It's like a persona.

- I wouldn't say that there's a fake me.

I talk about my real life.

It's really me.

I don't have any filters.

I vomit everything out.

Would you do that?

- Like in real life. - Why would you do that?

Because I do that.

- But when you're talking, you're not talking to anybody.

I'm talking to everybody.

That sounds lonely.

It's not lonely.

- Okay, let me ask you something.

When you're selling soap to people,

you believe they should buy that?

No, but everybody knows that.

Everybody knows, oh, that's just how she makes her money.

Like, I'm so sorry.

I'm really sorry for having a job.

But it's not just a job.

It sounds like it's your life.

It is just a job.

And I don't sell soap, I've never sold soap.

It's just a job.

Why do you keep checking your phone?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just addicted to work.

[gentle music]

- Still walking in the same line.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

This is me.

Checks out.

- So thank you for walking me home.

The conversation was really weird, but the safety was nice.

Bye.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[horn blowing in distance]

[slow upbeat music]

Thank you.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music continues]

Oh, bless you.

- Okay, now you literally need to tell me everything.

- So thank you for walking me home.

No.

He's cute.

- I suck and put my tongue in that.

Did he sleep over?

Is he circumcised?

No, he walked me home.

Why are you watching our ring footage?

- Because I don't remember how I got home last night.

So I needed the reading footage to replenish my memory.

Yeah, you came home with me.

Remember you were crying 'cause Jake Gillen all.

Who's the dude, Cal?

He's no one.

He lives on a boat and he doesn't have a phone.

He's super weird.

- Callie. - What?

Did you look at it?

No.

He peed on me.

- I remember when a dude peed on me.

That shit is different.

- So we peed on each other in an alley.

Hot.

- So hot. - Really hot.

- Did you ask if he has any STDs?

Okay, so what's happening?

- I will literally never see him again.

Bummer.

- That Thomas guy messaged me again.

Hey, second date.

He asked me for pics.

Gross, always fucking pigs.

- I know, but then he asked me out again.

- We can't be rewarding that behavior.

- But I feel-

No, Callie, no.

- Okay, but maybe he was like drunk or something.

- No, we don't make excuses for boys.

- But like I could give him a second chance.

Yeah, maybe.

- Not maybe, no. - Not maybe, no.

Gross, ew.

Oh, Dessa.

I'm gonna be alone forever.

Not forever.

Just for now.

[slow upbeat music]

[slow upbeat music continues]

[slow upbeat music continues]

Oh my God. Yum.

Okay, not only, fuck.

Oh my God. Yum.

Not only is Wow Walk so freaking good, you guys.

It's made with all natural ingredients.

Mmm.

[slow upbeat music]

[phone vibrates]

Sorry, I got stuck in traffic.

That's okay, hun.

We're glad you made it.

[waltz music]

Why is Bella here?

- Bella's basically part of the family now.

- Emmet's girlfriend's not part of the family now.

No offense, Bella.

- I mean, like a little bit was definitely taken.

Yeah, don't be a dick, Callie.

- Emmet, you don't think it's weird to bring your girlfriend

in family therapy?

Mom brings Dan.

He's not in the family.

Emmet.

That's okay, Margaret.

I know that statement was meant to hurt Callie and not me.

- It's almost like you don't even need therapy anymore

the way that you've mastered it, Dan.

Thank you, Callie.

- Okay, are we all ready to start now?

- I don't feel that I was overstepping

and asking Emmet not to drink at the house.

I feel that it was messed up

that you took our bottle, bruh.

We paid bags for that shit.

- I know that I shouldn't be here because I'm an adult

and I don't live with them and I don't give a shit

if Emmet's fucked up.

- It makes no sense to spend 3,500 a month in rent

to live 15 minutes away from your house.

And you should be around family

in case you have another episode.

- Oh, you're not supposed to call it an episode.

She's not supposed to call it an episode.

Margaret, we discussed this.

Callie has the right to her own independence

and she really doesn't have to be here

if she doesn't want to.

She has to be here.

And I feel like you're not the right fit for our family

if you think that.

I'll just say low key.

Like [laughs] I would never live with my parents at 26.

At 26, I'm gonna be like married, have two kids.

I'm going to have my own makeup line.

I'm gonna have a house in the hills.

- Yeah, I mean, her makeup shit is hiking and aesthetic bro.

Yeah.

But like Callie, you're not even married.

So I guess it's just like a different situation.

- Yeah, it's a completely different situation.

I don't think she should be here.

Callie, that's enough.

Bella's at the house every day and I barely see you

except for Pilates therapy and birthday dinners.

That's a lot.

I feel like that's a lot.

I'm worried about my daughter.

All she does is work and she's not dating anybody.

So what?

I should just like, settle for anyone?

- Maybe now is a good time for us to take a group breath.

You know what?

I was just going to suggest that.

Dan, you are getting good at this.

My.

Okay, everyone.

One hand on the heart, one on the belly.

Deep breath in. [inhales]

Out.

[people exhale loudly]

In.

Out.

[people exhale loudly]

Good. Good.

One more time, in.

Out.

[people exhale loudly]

Very good.

Good.

- I would never leave this family like that.

♪ I'm giving up if you wanna stay with me ♪

♪ Baby you should go now [indistinct] ♪

♪ I'm giving up if you wanna stay with me ♪

Hot shot.

Leo!

Come on, man.

We've got a charter.

That's today?

You didn't get my note.

Oh shit.

Are you sure?

They should fire you.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We're good.

I think it's tomorrow.

It's...

It's today.

It's my bad.

- No, if you had a phone, I could text you.

I'd like to be surprised.

Wait on you, yeah.

By the way, some lady

came walking down the docks last night.

I think she was looking for your boat.

Couldn't tell the one you made the rose fells out.

It always stay like that.

Maybe a blonde.

Hey, guys.

- Mr. Casta Nova, why don't you join us?

- Well, Dusty, I gotta go to work.

You remember what that's like?

- Oh, I don't remember anything before yesterday.

Maybe later.

You'll be passed out by seven.

- Not if I have to keep listening to music

coming from this guy.

- Believe me, you want the music loud.

Okay, thanks, guys.

I'll see you later.

[bright music]

What do I have to lose?

The guy already asked me for nudes

so expectations are low, you guys.

Expectations are low on this one.

[romantic music]

- [Waitress] Would you like another water?

I'm sorry, what?

Would you like another water?

Oh, sure.

Thank you.

Of course.

And we are still waiting on one more?

Yeah.

I think it should just be a couple minutes.

No problem.

There is a 90-minute limit on the tables.

But seriously, no rush.

[waltz music]

Hey, thanks, Tom.

[waltz music]

[waltz music continues]

[waltz music continues]

Hey.

- Hi. - Hi.

You're the girl that peed on me.

- Yeah, say that a little louder.

- She peed on me. - No, I don't.

I don't pee on people.

- I don't. - No, she peed on me.

I don't pee on people.

Are you eating alone?

Yup.

Yeah.

Can't a woman eat alone?

Well, I could eat.

It's okay.

I was gonna leave anyways.

I don't really feel alone.

Yeah.

Well now I'm eating alone.

Now I'm sad eating alone.

Okay.

Sure.

Yeah?

[jazz music]

Sorry.

I'm almost done.

Oh, okay.

Okay, done.

Not done.

Was almost done.

- Yeah, okay. - Okay.

Okay, I'm done.

Done.

You're seriously addicted.

I'm not addicted.

Look.

Oh, for me?

- Sure. - Yeah?

Yeah.

- I'm just gonna put it right there.

Totally fine.

It's totally fine.

We're good.

So who's the guy?

What guy?

- The guy who's supposed to be sitting here.

Oh, well...

He's this guy.

We went on one date and it was actually really good

and then it got weird at the end.

And then he messaged me again and I was like,

okay, well maybe I'll give him a second chance

because maybe he was having an off day

when he asked me for nudes.

But I don't think he's gonna-

But he asked you for nudes.

Yeah, and that part was weird.

I know that part was weird.

Did you send them?

No, oh my God. No.

I'm looking for love.

Not starting an OnlyFans.

What's an OnlyFans?

It's like a sex thing.

It's like an online sex thing

or I guess they send me an email being like,

"We have a violinist.

It's not just sex."

But everybody knows it's purely sex.

[jazz music]

- Are you good? - Hmm?

- You okay? - Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just,

I feel like I'm just a little hyper aware

because I feel like he might have texted me

saying he's still coming

and then he is gonna walk in and see me with you

and he's gonna cause a scene.

And the only thing that's on the menu that's gluten-free

and dairy-free is a side salad.

So I'm just imagining him running in,

making a scene and I'm sitting here in a restaurant

eating a side salad and that would look

really fucking obnoxious.

- So you're allergic to gluten and dairy?

- No, I just, I only eat it on Saturdays

and the third Wednesday of every month.

Why only the third Wednesday?

That's when I get my period.

Okay.

Well I think that you should order whatever you want, Callie

'cause nobody gives a shit.

Everybody gives a shit.

Nobody gives a shit.

I give a shit.

Then stop.

Just stop giving a shit.

- I can't just stop giving a shit.

Yes you can.

I think you only care 'cause you think everybody else cares.

- Well, I mean, people like, look at me.

- People look at you? - Yeah.

Who?

Who in here?

I'm the only person you're looking at.

- Okay, that guy's literally filming me.

I'm just gonna...

- No, can you please, don't do that.

Please don't do that.

Pardon me.

- Hi. Sorry. - Hi.

Are you filming her?

- No, I just can't really see my menu.

It's kinda dark in here, so I was...

I wouldn't be filming her.

Right.

- That'd be weird. - That would be weird.

Sorry, thank you.

Enjoy your dinner.

The simone salad is wonderful.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Hi, good evening.

Sorry to interrupt your dinner.

Do you know this young woman?

No.

- Yeah, I'm not her date by the way.

Her dates stood her up.

- I'm just sort of a- - Oh no.

- Kinda like a stand-in date.

- Sorry. - Yeah.

Enjoy your dinner.

Sorry.

Well.

Yeah, that's hilarious.

No one cares about me.

That's really funny.

No, that's not.

I'm just saying that people

are only thinking about themselves.

Like you shouldn't care so much.

Yeah, until they're not.

And they're posting Instagrams of you eating sour cream

on your taco saying you're hypocrite

'cause you say you don't need dairy.

And then apparently, did you know Mexican food?

Like real Mexican food doesn't have sour creams?

- Everybody knows it. - So.

Okay well, apparently, it's cultural appropriation

if you put sour cream on your taco,

so then you start getting death threats in your DMs

because you're insensitive.

- Wow. - Yeah.

Thank you.

I had to post an apology video and then they tore that

to shreds because I smiled at the end.

- Well Callie, why would you even do it then?

Why do any of this?

It doesn't seem worth it.

I mean it is worth it.

Look, I'm not just a clout chaser.

It's like a means to an end.

It's a vehicle.

I wanna host my own show.

You have to be someone before you can be someone.

You wanna host your own show?

Yeah.

That's really cool.

- Yeah, that would be really cool if it ever happened.

[Callie exhales]

Hey, Maria.

I'm sorry.

Wait, you know her?

Yeah.

Can we get a bottle of your finest cheapest cap?

The mythic blend?

Mythic blend.

Yeah, that's the one.

And then can we get a margarita pizza but with a pesto base

instead of the olive.

And then let's do a side of Parmesan fries.

We'll separate the Parmesan,

we'll do the Javier sauce extra with that.

And let's do a side of wings

and a gluten-free, dairy-free side salad.

You can...

I don't need the side salad.

- Okay. - Thank you.

Is that all?

- Yeah, thank you. - Okay.

You order like a child.

- They have a good ice cream here too.

So like personal style

is different than like being trendy.

So like, you can have personal style

but doesn't necessarily follow trends.

But if you're trendy, you're like following the trends

but you don't necessarily have personal style.

So it depends if you wanna be trendy

or you wanna have personal style.

Right.

So I would say like,

you have personal style 'cause you're not trendy.

- Thank you. - It's not a bad thing.

I'm not, oh.

Whenever you're ready.

- Thank you. - Thank you, thank you.

No, I got it, I got it.

- No, you weren't even supposed to be here.

- It's fine. - No, no.

No, it's seriously fine.

All right, let's split it.

- I will still think you are a big strong man.

- No, let's split it. - Relax. Relax.

- Let's do half cash and then half.

Thank you.

That's very sweet.

Can I have my phone back?

Because I think my mom has probably texted me like 95 times.

Maybe even filed a missing person's report by now.

- This is why I don't have a phone.

So my mom can't text you?

No, because...

I've met people like you.

People like me.

- And you can barely hold a conversation.

- I can barely? - It's not your fault.

- I'm very easily holding a conversation.

It's the phone's fault.

- Some people don't have anything in common,

so there's nothing to talk about but that's not my fault.

This is sort of like one of those

two-way street kinda thing.

Thank you.

It's not your fault.

[romantic music]

What's happened?

Is the world ending?

- The world has ended. - Mm.

[romantic music]

What?

What?

- I bet you couldn't go a day without it.

I could very easily do that.

Mm?

I could.

I could very easily do that.

- Mm. - It wouldn't be a problem.

Huh?

Prove it.

How would I prove that?

Meet me tomorrow.

No phone.

- You're serious? - I'm serious.

Meet me

at this address at 2 PM

with no phone.

Are you asking me out?

Or is this a weird experiment that you're gonna do on me?

Just show up.

- Okay, I'm not gonna just show up at a random address

because that's an insane thing to expect me to do.

It's not insane.

It is insane.

Hey, Callie.

Yes?

Just show up.

I have had a lovely time.

We should do this again.

I think you're a phone addict.

- I think you are a napkin addict.

I'll see you tomorrow.

[Callie] Bye, Leo.

2 PM.

Okay, Callie.

- You have to go. - I can't go.

- I mean, it kind of is the perfect narrative for your page.

Like, I got peed on by a guy who lives on a boat,

completely outside of modern society.

So now I'm gonna go live in his wall

and try and fall in love.

I mean, my God.

It's so you.

Yeah.

And you're dwindling following of Ava Kelly fan girl

is gonna eat that shit up.

- Yes. - Yeah, that was harsh.

It was?

No, it's not dwindling.

Oh, it's not growing.

- So wait, you just want me to use this man for my page?

- I just want you to find love in all this place.

- You literally use every single man

that you meet for your page.

- But I don't go into it saying that I'm gonna use them.

- Okay, we're gonna let that lie.

Lie.

I don't.

He wouldn't agree to it.

How would he know?

Nobody's gonna know.

They're gonna know how.

- How would they know? - How would they know?

Oh my God.

- Okay, but seriously, how would he know?

- Just literally make videos about how this guy lives.

People are gonna love it.

Oh, I'm gonna follow you.

- Especially if he scraps his boat shirtless.

Yeah, people are so horny.

- I am. - I am.

I'm asexual.

- I'm really into girls and never guys.

Hi guys.

Against my better judgment,

I'm gonna be doing something kinda crazy, kinda wild.

So I met this guy after he peed on my feet.

Well he didn't mean to pee on my feet,

like we peed on each other's feet in an alleyway.

Anyways, I'm gonna be completely off my phone tomorrow.

Not even a story.

I know.

I know, it's like a whole new world for me.

I think it'll be good though.

Maybe you guys should do it with me, I don't know.

Anyways, I love you, all.

I'm gonna miss you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

[waltz music]

[waltz music continues]

So is this it?

- Hm? - Is this it?

This is all we do?

What do you mean?

- We just pedal around for an hour and then we go back in?

No, no.

We are together at a lake.

Enjoying it.

Yeah.

- Right? - Right.

On a beautiful day.

What more could you ask for?

- Can't believe you'd take me on a boat

a month after I tell you I don't like swans.

Okay, I looked it up online

and it said this was a good date idea.

For who? Birds?

- For couples who spend time together.

- So, did you boat any rich people yesterday?

I did, I did.

I boated a bunch of rich people.

Did you video about stretchy pants?

Stretchy, no.

Guacamole.

Stretchy pants guacamole?

No, just guacamole.

Guacamole, that's not bad.

- Yeah, but it's kinda unsettling

'cause the guac doesn't turn brown.

Doesn't turn brown.

- Hm-mm.

For hours.

- Did you just type a couple words on the keyboard

and find the first thing that popped up and here we are?

Oh my God.

I tried to do one nice thing for you dude.

One nice thing for you and I can't even be appreciated.

Why would you say that?

Are you gaslighting me?

I'm being gaslit.

Oh my god.

I don't even know what that means.

So how does it feel?

What?

Being free from your phone.

Oh.

[horn blowing]

Oh fuck.

It's fine.

- I am so fucking sick of you, Sam.

How many times are we gonna have

the same fucking conversation?

No, no, no.

You don't get to be sick of my shit, okay?

'Cause I'm sick of your shit.

- You know, I haven't seen my friends in like two weeks?

- All right, guys, I'm just gonna break this-

- You also haven't seen me, Grace.

I see you every fucking day.

But you don't see me.

You're insane.

You are an insane-

All right, guys.

I'm just gonna try to separate the boat a little bit.

- Clinical depression. - Oh my god.

Here we go.

- Four anxiety disorders and necrophobia

so yeah, I need some extra support from my partner.

Well I have anxiety too.

I'm just not going around bragging about it.

I'm not bragging.

I'm sharing my affliction.

It's called being an open book.

My therapist says to do it to prevent inner decay.

- Okay, but when you are coming up to my father

the first time you meet him and you say, "Hi, I'm Sam.

I have necrophilia."

- Like don't- - Oh my God.

I'm not a necrophiliac, I'm necrophobic.

- Well, I'm sorry that my dad thinks

you have sex with dead people.

Oh, don't say dead people.

- It scares me. - Oh my God!

- You never remember to refill the coffee pot.

No, what?

- That's your only refilling job and it's always empty.

Yeah!

Well you have dead manners.

How dare you.

- Look Sam, you are crazy, it's contagious.

[fake coughing] Oh, no.

Everybody, don't catch my crazy.

- You're screaming right into my ear.

You're screaming right into my ear.

- Okay, I was trying to get a point across.

Because if I don't raise my volume,

it's like I don't even exist.

You buy Jim any bagels.

- I do? - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You're selfish when you buy bagels

with the money for our children.

For our children?

For our children?

- This is the most riled up I've seen you in years.

Oh my god, no.

I get passionate when I watch tennis.

And you know that.

- You spend all day in the shower,

but when you come out, your hair's dry.

What am I doing in there?

I don't know.

[both laugh]

Pedal me back in.

- I will sink this boat before I do another thing for you.

I dare you.

What are you doing?

You're insane.

You're insane.

- Stop. - I will drown you.

Oh, okay.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I will drown you.

It's enough.

Lake water must stand the lake my guy.

Super yuck water.

Super yuck.

- I'm not standing another second on this one with you.

Then leave.

- You good? - Yeah.

- You're probably gonna wanna shower immediately.

You like it?

Yeah.

I think it's perfect for you.

- For me? - For you.

[playful music]

[playful music continues]

So is this where you bring all your dates that fail?

No, really.

Like do you come here a lot?

No, no, no, no, no.

I've never been here.

Not once.

- Just figured you bring all your dates here.

No, probably was saving it.

For what?

For someone damp?

Yeah, for someone damp.

- I wouldn't say I'm not an ocean person

'cause everyone likes the ocean.

I mean, probably not everyone,

but like, most people like the ocean.

But I just feel like I personally would rather go to a lake.

Not to say the lake I don't, I like this.

- Is it okay? - Yeah.

No, I don't like, not like it.

Right.

It's beautiful.

- You could've made like, regular merchandise.

- It's way worse for me 'cause I'm wearing my own merch.

That's like the most lamest thing that you can do.

It's the most lamest?

Yeah.

Nah, nobody cares.

- That woman literally like looked us

up and down so aggressively.

In this instance, you can't say that nobody cares.

[both laugh]

- You saw it. - I saw it.

[romantic music]

Cheers by the way.

- I feel like I still don't know anything about you.

we've spent the whole day together and I don't think

I know a single thing about you.

There's not much to know.

Where are you from?

Here.

Right here?

Yeah, from right here.

From right on this bench.

Do you have any siblings?

No.

None?

No, none.

Do you?

I have a brother.

I have a younger brother.

Is he cool?

He's young.

- He's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you close with your mom?

My mom.

Oh, sorry.

It's the woman who birthed you.

Oh, that's what that is.

- Yeah. - Oh.

- Do you have any hopes and dreams?

- Are you writing a book about me?

No, but do you?

- If you are, I need to give consent.

There's lawyers involved.

If you're already writing.

- Do you have any hopes and dreams?

I'm just saying,

if you're writing a book about me, I need to know about it.

I need to sign some forms.

- Are you gonna work on boats forever?

I don't know, maybe.

So that brings me back.

Do you have hopes and dreams?

Do you?

I don't know, Callie.

What kind of hopes and dreams should a man have?

I don't know.

Woodworking, free soloing, accounting, sailing, running.

Maybe accounting.

- Accounting? - Yeah, accounting.

Is that hot?

That's really hot.

I'm actually really hot by that.

You need two accountants?

- In my spare time. - Oh yeah?

- I paint bad paintings with cheap watercolors.

That's actually kinda cool.

- So now you would say something about you.

Why are you so obsessed

with what other people think about you?

No, that's about me.

I'm serious.

Why are you so obsessed with what?

- Why can't you talk about yourself?

I'm just not that interesting.

- Say one thing. - One thing.

- You can't do it. - I can.

Yes, I can.

You really can't do it.

No, I can do it.

- I like to draw. - Okay.

I enjoy drawing.

Okay.

- With pencils, not with watercolors.

- Right, because then it would be painting.

Right.

God, you're smart.

- I think I'm gonna title the book.

"Not That Interesting, Don't Read This Book."

That's my book?

- The book about me? - Yeah.

And then the first chapter,

the first chapter will just say,

unless you like to draw sometimes.

[gentle music]

Are you cold?

No, I'm okay.

- I'm gonna have like a shirt or something.

No, I'm okay.

I understand you're trying to be a gentleman

but I actually don't need a man.

You don't need a man?

- Yeah, 'cause I'm really self-sufficient.

You're an independent woman.

Very much so.

I believe it.

I do everything by myself.

- Everything? - Yeah.

I leave the house.

I guess there's like this boat share thing.

There's a bug on you.

- You got it? - Yeah, I got it.

It's gone.

- There's this boat share thing you can do?

I guess you can.

- A boat share? - Yeah.

You can like pay monthly and you can use a boat.

What does it mean?

Like what is short?

- What is an app? - What is short for?

- You want me to explain to you an app?

- No, I just wonder like what-

[Callie] Application.

- Like a job application? - No, like application.

I don't know what it means. [laughs]

My phoneless day with the boat guy.

Spoiler, it wasn't terrible,

but it's like every little thing,

remembering where you parked your car, checking the time.

Oh, and another red flag is he's completely afraid

to talk about himself.

I know, I know.

Typical cis man can't show emotion,

but he for sure has some kinda trauma.

I mean, we all do.

Everyone does, and that's okay.

And you have to confront it and move past it.

But with Leo, it's like something happens in his head.

Anytime I say anything serious and he just avoids reality

and he starts talking about absolute nonsense.

And I know I say it over and over.

One red flag is too many red flags.

And we literally have nothing in common.

But we laugh a lot.

Which is nice.

I think. I don't know.

I don't know.

I think I might like him.

Like for part three.

Love you, guys.

[gentle music]

- I mean, this dude has $30,000 in student debt.

And he's gonna say, "Fuck it" and make out with that chick?

I'd make out with that chick.

Oh my god.

Straight people.

$30,000.

He is performing.

[knocking on door]

Did someone order something?

- No. - No.

What do I do?

- Answer it? - No! What?

The door?

Do not answer the door.

I'm sorry.

They could have a gun.

Check the ring.

Oh my god.

- What? - What is it?

- Oh my god. - What?

- Oh my God, Momo. - What?

Oh my God.

Does Callie live here?

Callie!

Do come in, good sir.

[playful music]

We've heard a lot about you.

Oh, right, yeah.

I'm Leo.

Oh, we know.

Hi Momo.

Oh, hi.

Hi Momo, where are you?

Oh, she can hear you.

You don't have to yell.

I got arrested in Colorado.

I can't leave the state for like a year.

Yeah, it sucks.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, that sounds like it sucks.

What's the Jesus, Christmas tree?

Oh.

This is like comedy clickbait, but also maybe a thirst trap.

No, I don't know.

It's for Callie's page.

Oh, very cool.

What's a thirst trap?

What?

Do you watch the show?

No.

No, I've never seen it.

Why is that?

Because you don't have a TV?

No, no, no, no.

I'm just kidding, any of that.

Shut up.

Do you have friends?

Yeah, yeah.

That's weird.

What.

How do you maintain relationships with people

if you can't text or call them?

Wait, you just, "Ooh, I hope I run into them."

No, you know, you make plans.

What? How?

- Well, you just show up and you get face-to-face.

You make plans.

- Oh, is that what you're doing right now?

Yes.

Is Callie here?

- I mean, I already screamed her name,

so I don't know what else I could do.

You've never used a dating app?

No.

Ever heard a Grindr?

- A what? - What?

- What if a building collapsed around you

and nobody knew that you were in there.

And if you had a cell phone, you could save your life,

but you don't because of some weird, hyper-masculine,

stubborn rejection of modern technology.

Yeah, yeah.

I think I'd wish I had a phone in that scenario.

What about postmates.

Of a Postmate?

Yeah, Postmates.

Oh my God. Who are you?

I have a Postmate.

It's Postmates.

It's called Postmates.

- You don't have any friends that have Postmates?

[Callie] I'm coming.

You have to know Postmates,

He has no friends.

[waltz music]

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm sorry. I didn't know you were coming.

No, no.

It's my fault.

I just came in outta the blue.

You look incredible.

Oh.

- No. I mean, the whole, the-

It's a peach.

You're a peach.

I wanted to say thank you for having dinner with me

the other night, and I wanted to see

if you wanted to come out with me again.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Great.

- When? - Now.

Oh.

It's short notice, I know.

I'm so sorry.

I can't.

You should go.

What can't?

Go, idiot.

I mean, he did bring.

A children's toy.

A children's toy.

Oh, it's a watercolor set.

It's dumb.

It's not dumb.

It's not dumb.

My name's Payton.

Hi Payton.

I just...

I was working on something and I'm not like ready?

Yeah, no.

It's really out of the blue

and I can just reschedule the thing.

It was silly.

You should have this.

- Callie, go, you stupid fucking peach.

[magical music]

- [Callie] Leo, my eyes are sweating.

Can I please just take it off?

- No. - Seriously.

No, no, few more steps.

Almost there.

- No, this is exactly like a lifetime movie.

Fall in love with a guy.

Let him blindfold you, lead you on a date.

And then bam!

I'm locked in a cage.

Fall in love with a guy.

- Shut up. You know what I meant.

That way.

- If anything, I'm gonna fall asleep.

- No, because you can take it off now.

[magical music]

[no audio]

[no audio]

How?

They're between shows.

Like, plays?

Yeah, like plays.

Are you proposing to me?

No, no.

No, no, no, it's just a date.

- Uh-uh 'cause coffee would be just a date.

Or ramen.

Ramen makes a really good date.

Or you could cook me Costco Pasta in a really crusty pan

and then tell me it's your grandmother's recipe.

Callie.

That's very specific, Callie.

Callie, your phone's out.

Okay, okay.

It's just, this is an especially weird date.

- How is this weird? - I'm so murdery.

How is it murdery?

It started murdery.

Imagine all those people staring at you.

Screaming.

Sing, sing.

Tell them how you feeling.

Have you seen a play before?

Seems like so much pressure.

- Yeah, but then, everybody, they go home.

They go back to work.

They have their lives.

They play fades and they stopped giving shit.

Yeah.

So how long has that food been sitting there for?

- Yeah, probably like an hour, hour and a half.

Yeah.

- But it's grain-free and dairy-free

- It's free grain-free.

Yeah, it's all the frees.

I like it a lot.

It's very extra.

- I just wanted to make sure that I took you out somewhere

where you knew for sure no one was staring at you.

You know?

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[lively music]

- And if you do end up getting Mexican food, get tacos.

I just wouldn't do a wet taco, if that makes sense.

Like don't put the salsa,

don't put the guacamoles because it's gonna look messy

in your little baby mouth.

And not to mention the suggestion.

I'm officially a badass.

I'm officially the coolest girl in town because yes,

you can find me on the back of a motorcycle

for the first time ever and I was terrified.

♪ And it's hot to move

- And if he's using his tongue, should I be using my tongue?

[upbeat music]

I feel like if I throw my tongue into the mix

when his tongue's in the mix,

then how much tongue is too much tongue?

Seriously, this is a question.

Tell me in the comments.

He asked me if I like to cook,

and I was like, okay, don't look at my set.

Stop.

I saw you look at it.

- But it's just kind of hard to care

when those eyes are staring at you.

10 out of 10.

I give him a 10 out of 10.

[upbeat music]

♪ When you think of heaven

♪ Can't you feel the chemistry

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music continues]

♪ When you think of heaven

♪ Can't you feel the chemistry

♪ When you think of heaven

♪ Holy shit it's caving me

[upbeat music]

♪ When you think of heaven

♪ Holy shit it's caving me

♪ And it's hot to move

Oh, ah. [moans]

[upbeat music]

Boo!

Boo!

Get out the stage.

[upbeat music]

[Callie moans]

Oh, yeah!

♪ When you think of heaven

♪ Can't you feel the chemistry

[Callie moans]

[Leo howling]

♪ When you think of heaven

♪ Holy shit it's caving me

Oh, yeah!

[Callie moaning]

[upbeat music]

[Leo applauding]

Yes! [laughs]

Was that good?

What?

- What? Yeah. - Okay.

Was it good for you?

- Yeah. - Did you?

Yeah. [chuckles]

If we're in a keep doing this,

I'm gonna need it to get so much more boring.

Boring?

- Yeah, 'cause I'm sweating and I'm panting.

Oh, okay.

It's not sustainable.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can give it to you.

So boring that you fall asleep.

That's exactly what I want.

That's exactly.

[Callie chuckles]

That's perfect for me.

Okay.

Baby, I've got something.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Who is that?

- No, actually, who the fuck are you?

Hey, Mina.

Not at such a good time.

- Oh, literally, this is not a good fucking time, Leo.

You have a girlfriend?

No, no.

She's not my girlfriend.

Wow. Wow.

Okay, I know I'm not your girlfriend,

but I don't know you were just sleeping with other people.

- Mina, I just thought that you knew

that this was casual between us

so maybe we could just go outside.

What was casual about this?

You practically forced me to fall in love with you.

I didn't...

I didn't-

Come on.

I knew this wasn't real.

It was my sister.

She was all in my head

like, "Oh, he's real.

He's perfect.

You deserve this."

But you're not.

You just don't breed dogs and sell coke like my fucking ex.

Whatever, Leo.

You know what?

You, you are no better.

Good luck with him.

Good fucking luck with him.

I hope you two enjoy having sex together.

Fucking hey. [groans]

Mythic blend.

That's the line from the restaurant.

- There are still other restaurants.

[somber music]

So...

So how many girls exactly are you seeing right now?

Callie, it's not like that.

- Look, I mean, we never said we were exclusive.

I just assumed.

How do you even have time?

- I was seeing a couple people before,

but none of it was serious.

- Yeah, I mean, I have people I'm hooking up with too.

None of them would do that.

- Yeah, she might have read into things a little too much.

Hey, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Where you going?

- I think I should go before I read into things too much.

No, Callie.

Callie, that's not what I...

Wait a second.

I'm not trying to hurt anybody here.

- Leo, I've been with guys like you before.

You're gonna say whatever you need to say to trick me

to catch feelings and that I'm-

I'm not trying to trick you.

I wasn't trying to trick Mina.

I'm just saying that like in the moment,

can't some things just be real?

Can't it just exist when it exists?

Can't some things just be a beautiful memory?

Yeah, that's really deep.

So what?

In the moment you're all in and then outta sight outta mind?

No.

You know, there's actually,

there's a name for guys like you.

What?

Fuck boys.

- Just wait, just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Don't leave yet.

Leo, what the fuck?

Don't leave.

Just don't leave yet.

Hey, you can still jump back.

You're kidnapping me?

- No, I just-

- Oh, you're finally gonna murder me?

I could tie us back up.

Or you can come for a ride.

Seriously?

Please.

- I was starting to think that this wasn't even a real boat.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

On the way out to Catalina.

It's pretty, huh?

Yeah.

- Yeah, this is kind of the only place I...

I don't know, where I can get clear.

The city, everything just gets so blurry, you know?

Yeah, it's nice.

So what happened?

- With Mina? - No, not with Mina.

I mean, you.

Why come out here to be a sad moody boy?

I mean, you don't have to tell me,

but you did just kidnap me.

- I got out of a relationship kind of recently

and it messed me up a little bit so.

How recently?

Like three years.

Okay.

Three years is not just getting out of her relationship.

Leo, three years, it's such a long time.

I know, I know.

That's stupid.

Just time flew.

You loved her?

Yeah, I did.

You still love her.

No.

I don't know.

I don't think so.

- You know, I've never really understood

the attraction to sad boys.

All these girls, they're gonna go save these sad boys

and nurse them back to health.

It's just never really been my thing.

How's this?

That's much better.

This is good.

[both chuckling]

Yeah.

What time is it?

I don't know.

Where's your phone?

Somewhere.

What?

- Stop. - What?

Whoa, are you serious?

I don't have it.

- You don't have it? - I don't have it.

- Your 100,000 friends must be so worried about you.

2.1 million.

- It's been like two hours since you checked.

You know, they probably are.

Worried about you?

- Yeah. - Okay.

I mean, my mom for sure is.

I had like two anxiety attacks and she constantly thinks

I'm gonna jump off a building.

Are you serious?

It's fine.

- How you never told me that you have anxiety attacks?

I mean, who doesn't?

- If you ever wanna talk about it.

Yeah, let's talk about it.

Let's get like really deep into it.

Okay, all right.

I'm serious.

But hey, you can tell those people who are worried about you

that you had a real nice human connection, interaction.

Yeah, this has been

such an amazing connection, interaction.

I'm having a great time.

I'm sorry about tonight.

That was dramatic.

- That was nice of her to bring us wine.

Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't appreciate the delivery system, but yeah.

She's polite.

[Leo chuckles]

I like her.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

Hi.

Hey.

You didn't wake me up.

- I know better than to wake a woman up.

Chin up.

It's to remember me by.

Wow.

Wait, that doesn't make sense

'cause this is a drawing of me.

So that would make me remember me.

I think you should have it.

You keep it.

Here.

For you to remember me by as I sail off into the night,

never to be seen again.

Shit.

What do you doing right now?

What did you have in mind?

It's a surprise.

[playful music]

So, Leo, right?

Yeah.

And your Callie's partner or?

It's undefined.

Very cute, undefined.

All right, I'll just say it.

Callie, why did you bring this random guy

to our family therapy?

I mean, no offense, bro.

We are not all thinking that.

We are not thinking that.

No I was.

Yeah.

- It was very nice to meet you family

at your family therapy.

I'll just wait outside.

- Nice meeting you. - No, no, no.

The problem is Leo's having a really hard time

getting over a breakup that was three years ago.

So I thought it could be really good for him

to come talk about it.

No, I don't think that.

- Well also, it could be beneficial for the rest of us

to listen and start to recognize the difference

between like a romantic breakup

and your daughter moving into an apartment.

- But the difference is it's more painful, Margaret.

Let's try not to compare, but sure.

Sometimes, listening to someone else's emotional journey

can help us self-reflect.

I just don't think this-

- She broke his heart and now he sleeps around

to fill the void that she left.

I don't sleep around.

That's, that's...

I don't, that's...

- Can't make a wife out of a hoe, bro.

She's for the streets now.

It's time to hop back on that choo choo train.

You feel me?

Why you talk like that?

Like what?

- Wait, so is Callie the choo choo train in that?

Come on, please.

- And she was actually a really great woman

and she was one of the best people I've ever met, so.

Was?

Are you dating this guy?

Oh my god.

She like dead or something?

- What? - Oh no.

Is she?

- I take back the stuff about her being a hoe if she's dead.

Yeah, that was bad.

Okay.

It was nice to meet you.

Leo, I...

Wait.

So like, how did she die?

- Callie, I don't know if a guy with a dead girlfriend

is a good choice.

I might have to agree.

- He doesn't have a dead girlfriend.

- Let's reel this back in, Callie.

- He sure seemed nice. - Yeah.

Seriously, Dan?

he killed someone.

No, he did not.

He's not a murderer.

- Can we please get back to here?

Was that really bad?

It wasn't good.

I don't know.

I mean, can I be with someone

who's not emotionally available?

Probably not.

Do I wanna try?

Yes.

I guess that's my toxic trait.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

So now I'm going down.

Oh, hey, Callie girl.

Hey, guys.

Sorry, this is probably a bad time.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Get your butt in here.

Okay. [chuckles]

Thank you.

We got a seat right here.

No, it's okay.

- No, I sit down right here. - No, I don't think-

- I got a drink for you right here.

It's okay.

No, take the drink.

Take the drink.

Leo, get a drink.

And this is Tim.

This is Bud.

- Hi. - Hey.

I'm Dusty.

You're Dusty.

And this is Leo.

I've heard about him.

You know something?

For as long as we've known Leo,

I don't think that we have ever been introduced

to any of his lady friends on his boat.

Oh.

Oh, I'm honored.

That's a big honor, right?

No, I mean, like ever.

I mean of all...

- Oh, all the women. - No, that's...

No, I think you should.

I wanna hear it.

What is it?

To remember me by.

You don't have to.

Yeah, yeah, oh.

Is that?

I never said I was good.

Is this me?

Yeah.

I mean, obviously.

Yeah, obviously.

Yeah, it's my boat.

Wow, it's terrible.

Yeah, I know.

I love it. [chuckles]

I love it.

[gentle music]

So what are you guys doing?

My therapy.

Salute.

- To Therapy. - To therapy.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

[gentle music continues]

Callie.

I'm peeing.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I was just peeing.

- I know but like, I thought that that would be funny.

I thought it'd be payback for the other night or something.

Really, I was just peeing.

It was such a fucked up idea.

- It was, and I'd never wanna see your family again.

Me either.

I don't ever wanna see my family again.

You wanna make out with me?

I wanna do that so bad.

All right, let's do that.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

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Callie, you good in there?

[birds chirping]

I'm unwell.

You should go to rehab.

Don't say that.

That's really offensive to people who go to rehab.

- It's offensive? - Yeah.

- Okay, well, I'll apologize to them later.

Hey, hell of a performance last night.

I remember nothing.

Why don't I do that?

You wanna scrub it?

Yeah.

You wanna scrub it?

- I know you do, earn my keep around.

Brush side.

It is the brush side down.

Oh.

And dip it in the water.

The good water, the clean water.

Not the-

- This is like so much more complicated

than you made it sound.

- It's very simple. It's very simple.

- We're not going that far out into the ocean.

It doesn't matter.

I'm still gonna throw up.

- I don't think you're gonna throw up

that's being a little dramatic.

Wait, are you Callie Girl?

Yeah.

Hi.

Wait, this is so crazy.

I watch all of your stuff.

I like, love you.

Oh my God. Thank you.

That's really nice.

I follow her on Instagram.

Real life influencer.

Shit, this is boat guy?

Boat guy.

You talking about me?

I'm boat guy?

Yeah, thank you so much.

I really appreciate you.

Thanks for that.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My loss?

Actually...

Actually, do you mind if I just take,

I haven't seen it before.

I haven't seen it.

- I feel like I might have kinda like, screw this up?

No, no.

I just haven't seen it before.

Okay.

Yeah, this is the new one.

Oh, okay.

- In the boat bathroom, you flush with your foot.

Look.

[cheering] Science.

Okay.

You're welcome for showing you that.

I'm pretty sure I'm like a major asshole

'cause I think his ex is dead,

which makes me like such a shitty person, right?

Thanks.

- Sure. - Yeah.

Okay.

Bye.

Sorry.

It's really nice to meet you.

Sorry.

I was really drunk.

And that was way outta context

because I said a lot of stuff after that.

I actually said that I was gonna stop filming you.

Yeah, what was that?

- Yeah, just watch the ones before

because it'll make way more sense.

I mean, what was it though?

You're like, documenting me or?

No, I'm not documenting you.

I just...

I thought that we said that we were gonna be real, Callie.

Yeah, we are.

You know, it's my fault

'cause I know that this is what you do

and I shouldn't known better.

Right?

Leo.

Leo, come on.

No, no.

Seriously, I just think that you should probably go.

Can we talk about it?

- I mean, I don't know what we're gonna talk about.

Callie, you said that my ex is dead.

You're just like making up stories.

She lives in the valley.

The valley?

Why do you have a box of her stuff?

She just moved to the valley?

You went do my stuff?

- You have a hospital bracelet in there.

So I thought, like Bella said it and then I-

- How are you going through my stuff?

- No, I'm not like going through your stuff.

You should keep toilet paper next to your toilet

so people don't have to open your cabinet.

- Yeah, Callie, I know where toilet paper goes.

Why did you go through my stuff?

- Why do you have a hospital bracelet?

- Because maybe I gave her an edible

when she got really high and I had to take her

to the hospital because she thought she was gonna die

but everything was fine.

It was a really nice memory

and I wanted to just keep it just private.

'Cause that's where private things go.

Leo, that's weird.

It's so weird you still have that.

It's weird that you have her stuff.

Yeah, okay. It's weird.

So I'm just a big weirdo, okay.

So you're just gonna capture the weirdos stuff

and put it on your talk ticker,

and you're just gonna put it out to the internet

and you're just gonna expose the weirdo's life, right?

You're gonna expose it to your whole internet friends?

How could I expose you?

I know nothing about you.

I mean clearly, you won't tell me anything about yourself.

Well this is why, Callie.

Why?

Because now I know something about you?

Why is that such a bad thing if people even know about you?

'Cause it's not up to you.

'Cause it's not your story to tell, Callie.

I fucked up.

Callie, I used...

I was not a very good guy.

But I thought I could be a good guy with you.

And I see now that that's not possible

because Callie, you're really fucking self-centered

and everybody just plays this tiny little role

in your little story, right?

You're one to talk, Leo.

Look, I know your game.

You bring women here to give them, what was it?

Memories?

A little fantasy? Romance?

Don't act like that's not what this is.

I'm not really here.

I'm not really in your world 'cause you won't let me in.

- This is exactly what I'm talking about, Callie.

Everybody just exists inside your little privilege bubble.

They don't matter unless they are in your little story.

You just do everything, what?

To be like by total strangers?

I don't need to be liked.

That's not what this is about.

- That's exactly what this is about.

No, it's not what it's about.

I'm trying to do something with my life.

So yeah, I share personal details because I have to.

But at least I want something, Leo.

I'm not 28 years old living on a boat.

Mourning a breakup that was three fucking years ago.

Like, get over it, dude.

So this is the real Callie.

It's nice to finally meet you.

- Can't say the same 'cause I still don't know

who the fuck you are.

- That's funny because you have no problem sharing

personal details about my life.

- I shared personal details about my life.

You're just in my life right now.

So Yeah, I talked about you.

You're so fake.

I'm not fake.

You're fake.

- Callie, if you're real, then why don't you show them you?

You're addicted to your phone having anxiety attacks

every day because you're obsessing

over other people's lives,

giving yourself an anxiety disorder

Oh, that's my diagnosis?

Yeah, that's your diagnosis.

Care more about clout than you do actual people

in your life.

You know the word clout?

Yeah, I know the word clout.

Didn't hip hop.

Okay, great.

Well if you're done enlightening me on everything

that's wrong with me, I think I'm gonna go.

No, no, no.

I asked you to go.

When did you ask me to go?

You don't listen to me.

Earlier, I told you you should go.

I told you to go.

- Well, I'm not gonna go if you told me to go.

Well, I did.

I told you to go.

I'm not gonna go then

'cause why would I go if you tell me to go?

All right, well, I'm gonna go.

I'm not leaving.

That's fine, I'm leaving.

- Good. - Good.

Does it go any faster?

[Leo yelling indistinctly]

[somber music]

[somber music continues]

Oh, there we go.

I wanna look popular.

You are popular.

No, I wanna look popular.

Look up.

[Callie screaming]

Callie?

What do you need from us right now?

Do you wanna talk about this meltdown

or should we just ignore you

and pretend like it's not happening?

- [Callie] Pretend like it's not happening.

- Maybe we do video, like I could do like a little like.

- If you're done enlightening me on everything

that's wrong with me, I think I'm gonna go.

No, no, no.

I asked you to go.

When did you ask me to go?

You don't listen to me.

Earlier, I told you you should go.

I told you to go.

- Well, I'm not gonna go if you told me to go.

Well, I did.

I told you to go.

I'm not gonna go then

'cause why would I go if you tell me to go?

All right, well, I'm gonna go.

[somber music]

- [Callie] I fucking hate people!

I ate a scone I liked.

Very cool.

Where was it from?

It was from Whole Foods.

- I hear they have a good baked goods section.

- I got dumped and I'm getting canceled again.

So could somebody please give a shit?

Oh my God, finally.

- You literally told us to pretend

like nothing was happening.

- I didn't really have a scone, I panicked.

Oh.

Hey man.

Oh, shit man.

I missed another one?

Yeah, you missed another one.

I'm sorry. I just...

You wanna talk about it?

Talk about what?

Okay, we won't talk about it.

Callie coming by tonight?

Nope.

What happened?

You're an idiot.

I'm an idiot?

- Yeah, you're an idiot if you don't know

that girl's special.

- Oh, that's why I'm an idiot, bud,

because that's exactly what I thought.

- I saw the way you looked at her.

She's putting on a show.

- [laughs] So how the hell is that any different than you?

Oh, come on, you bring these women up on our dock,

on your rose pedaled boat for a night or two.

No.

Isn't that the Leo show?

It's different.

- Be an idiot, I'm fine with that.

Just don't be a hypocrite.

You should charged a lot more

for these therapy sessions, bud.

You should watch her videos.

You seen her videos?

Of course I've seen them.

My niece is obsessed with her.

I can't get her to stop talking about you too.

How did you?

So you knew about this, the whole-

Just watch the videos.

I don't have a phone, bud.

I can't.

Well get a damn phone.

- No, I don't wanna fall into the same exact trap

as everybody else.

Would you cut that bullshit?

Can you just stop running from the world?

- That's exactly what you guys do.

You hide out here away from your family

and your problems, right?

[laughs] You're not like us.

You're too young, Leo.

We made our choices.

You got your whole world in front of you.

Look at me.

June is the past.

Move on.

You know, if you are my son-

- Don't tell me that I'm an idiot.

- I'd tell you that you're a good guy

without having to try so hard.

And you gotta start seeing yourself properly

because if you don't, if you don't,

you're gonna keep missing everything good

that's right in front of you.

And stuff it.

- She gave me the weirdest look when I asked about Ryan.

Suck that belly in long spine.

Good, Margaret.

And reverse plank.

So I can't help but thinking

he might not be in law school anymore.

So sus, bro.

Suck that belly in, Bella.

Have you heard anything?

Bella, look at my belly.

Suck it in like that.

Your body's shaming me.

Callie?

- Callie. - What?

- You're not even listening to me, are you?

- You're literally talking about nothing.

- Yeah, I guess my life is nothing to you.

You know what?

This is the problem.

Okay, whenever we're ready,

we're gonna make our way to our feet.

You're never here.

I mean, you're here, but you're not here.

And you wonder why I'm so anal

about spending time with you.

Well, maybe it's because when I spend time with my daughter,

she doesn't actually care to spend it with me.

Mom, could we skip the drama?

Should we just call it a day?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay.

- Hey, do you think it was like really that bad?

- Well, I guess you're on your phone a lot

during our sessions.

Yeah.

- I mean, you barely do the workouts.

Like, why are you here?

Thank you.

Okay, have a good one.

Are you mad?

I'm not mad.

You just hurt yourself, Callie.

I mean, you used to be so excited about everything.

So engaged and present and so funny.

Ugh.

Now I feel terrible.

Ugh.

I can never say the right thing with you.

I just mean that you're not here with me.

You're always someplace else.

Yeah, I don't know.

I guess I feel like I've just...

I've been like living in a blur.

- I think maybe you should come at home again

for a while just until you feel it's okay.

It's not gonna happen.

- What if you have another episode?

Relentless.

- So you could just stay tonight.

Bella's in my room.

- I can put her out on the street.

- Oh, you're gonna put her out on the street?

[both laughing]

- I was gonna do it anyway if she called me bro

one more time.

Bro, come, bro.

Okay, Karen, sheesh.

This is definitely not shi,

it's like a sheee.

Sheee.

No, it's higher.

It's like a sheeee.

Sheeees.

Sheees.

How did I give birth to that?

It's mad sauce, bro.

[both laughing]

No cap.

- This is mad sauce, bro, no cap.

No cap on God.

What does that even mean?

I don't know.

I don't know.

[gentle music]

When I'm with him,

I'm not thinking about everything else all at once.

I'm just kind of living.

[gentle music]

He's like a gentle gladiator.

He's nice and he's kind,

but he could totally fight in a medieval war.

He's that hot.

[gentle music]

I feel like he's the only person who really sees me.

["Carousel"]

["Carousel"]

["Carousel"]

["Carousel"]

♪ We're always on a different side ♪

♪ Of a lover's carousel

♪ I give what I can offer

♪ It's funny how it all just goes around ♪

♪ Goes around

♪ Goes around

♪ Goes around

- Maybe some things aren't meant to last forever.

Some things can just exist in the moment or whatever.

People come into your life.

It's for a reason to teach you something

or show you something about yourself.

Anything good came out of this.

I definitely saw a part of myself

at the end of the boat boy.

Just add that to the list.

[Phone vibrating]

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