Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪ - ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ - ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ - ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

ME TOO. HI, JIM.

HI, LADIES, BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE OR TWO.

HEY, LARRY. MIND IF WE JOIN YOU?

NOT ALL ALL. JUST DON'T BLOCK MY VIEW OF THE DOOR.

WHY, ARE YOU EXPECTING SOMEONE?

YEAH, I'M WAITING FOR MY DATE FOR TONIGHT.

YEAH? WHAT'S SHE LIKE?

WELL, SHE'S GOT BEAUTIFUL, LONG RED HAIR,

BIG GREEN EYES AND FULL, LUSCIOUS LIPS,

AND A BODY THAT JUST WON'T QUIT.

- OOH! - WHAT'S HER NAME?

I DON'T KNOW. BUT IF ANYONE COMES IN WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT

- I'M GONNA FIND OUT. - Both: LARRY!

WHAT'S WITH THE SIGNS?

WE'VE BEEN PUTTING THESE UP EVERYWHERE. WE'RE HAVING A GARAGE SALE.

SORRY, CAN'T HELP YOU. I ALREADY BOUGHT A GARAGE.

(laughs) GET IT?

I BOUGHT A GARAGE.

I'D SAY IT WAS THE HEAT, BUT HIS JOKES SOUND JUST AS BAD IN THE WINTER.

OKAY, NO MORE JOKES. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR GARAGE SALE.

- IT'S NOT OUR GARAGE SALE. - THEN WHOSE IS IT?

OURS.

IT'S OUR SALE, IT'S NOT OUR GARAGE.

OH.

LARRY, YOU KNOW WE DON'T HAVE A CAR.

WHY WOULD WE HAVE A GARAGE?

I GIVE UP, JANET. YOU TRY.

- IT'S THE ROPER'S GARAGE. - AHH.

YEAH, WHEN THEY MOVED, THEY LEFT A LOT OF STUFF IN THERE

AND THEY SAID WE COULD DO ANYTHING WE WANTED WITH IT.

SO WE'RE GONNA SELL IT ALL TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE RENT.

RIGHT, BUT IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY.

ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD BUY THE JUNK THEY LEFT BEHIND.

HEY, WHY DON'T WE INVITE THE ROPERS TO THE SALE?

THEY BOUGHT IT ONCE, MAYBE THEY'LL BUY IT AGAIN.

- (snorts, laughs) - CHRISSY, YOU'RE TERRIBLE!

I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER. CAN I BUY YOU GIRLS A DRINK?

- LARRY, THANKS, YEAH! - YEAH.

COULD YOU LEND ME A COUPLE OF BUCKS? I'LL PAY YOU BACK TOMORROW.

- Both: LARRY! - THREE.

HI, WHAT CAN I GET YOU?

WELL, LET'S SEE.

GOT ANY 12-YEAR-OLD SCOTCH BACK THERE?

ANYTHING YOUNGER THAN THAT, A REAL SCOTCH DRINKER WOULD THROW IT BACK.

HOW'S THIS?

LET'S SEE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LISTENING FOR THE BAGPIPES.

YOU WANT THAT ON THE ROCKS?

NO, PUT IT IN A TALL GLASS WITH A LITTLE ROOT BEER.

ROOT BEER?

YEAH. AND THROW A CHERRY IN THERE, TOO.

- A CHERRY. - GOT ANY WHIPPED CREAM?

NEVER MIND. I'LL TAKE IT STRAIGHT.

OKAY.

TWO COKES FOR THE LADIES, JIM,

AND I'LL HAVE ANOTHER BEER.

YOU'LL PROBABLY BE SEEING A LOT OF ME AROUND HERE FROM NOW ON.

NAME'S RALPH FURLEY, BACHELOR-AT-LARGE.

I'LL BE RUNNING THINGS AT THE OLD ROPERS' BUILDING.

OH, THEN YOU'RE THE NEW OWNER.

NOT EXACTLY. MY BROTHER BART BOUGHT THE BUILDING,

BUT I'M GONNA BE THE NEW MANAGER.

LANDLORD-IN-RESIDENCE, SO TO SPEAK.

I'LL BE IN TOTAL CHARGE,

AND I RUN A TIGHT SHIP, LET ME TELL YOU.

HERE YOU GO, LARRY.

THAT'S SUCH A COINCIDENCE. I'M ONE OF YOUR TENANTS, 304.

WELL HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, 304.

(coughs)

COULD YOU PUT A LITTLE MORE ROOT BEER IN THAT?

WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER TO MY TABLE?

I'M SITTING WITH THOSE TWO GIRLS. THEY LIVE IN THE BUILDING, TOO.

RIGHT ABOVE YOU, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

I GUESS IT COULDN'T HURT ANYTHING.

I THINK TENANTS AND LANDLORDS SHOULD BE FRIENDS.

SURE.

WHY DON'T YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF?

ONE OF MY PRESCRIPTIONS HAS JUST BEEN FILLED.

HI.

MY NAME'S RALPH FURLEY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET TO KNOW ME SOONER OR LATER.

SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH RIGHT NOW?

OKAY, GUESS WHAT I AM.

I DON'T HAVE TO GUESS. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

WHATEVER HE IS, HE'S A FUNNY-LOOKING ONE.

WE'RE GONNA BE SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER.

I THINK WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH ALREADY.

I TAKE MY DUTIES VERY SERIOUSLY, GIRLS.

SO YOU CAN CONSIDER ALL YOUR LITTLE WORRIES OVER.

JUST THINK HOW SAFE YOU'RE GONNA FEEL WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT

KNOWING I'LL BE SLEEPING RIGHT UNDERNEATH YOU.

WHAT?

YOU'LL FEEL MY GOOD VIBRATIONS ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT.

ARE YOU FOR REAL?

IF YOU'VE GOT ANY COMPLAINTS, JUST GIVE THEM TO ME.

WE'VE GOT ONE BIG ONE RIGHT NOW.

YEAH, AND I WISH IT WOULD LEAVE.

I'LL TELL YOU THIS, LADIES,

THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SHOW ME

THAT I CAN'T HANDLE.

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST HEARD?

YEAH. SEE IF YOU COULD HANDLE THIS.

TURKEY!

HI, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK SO SOON?

- WHAT IS THAT? - THIS?

HEY, MEET LUAU LULU, THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS THING?

- IN THE GARAGE. - THAT FIGURES.

IT'S JUST LIKE ROPER TO HAVE A LAMP AS CHEESY AS THIS.

I KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S SEXIST, LEWD, CHEAP...

AND IT'S GONNA LOOK GREAT ON MY NIGHT STAND.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SELLING THIS JUNK.

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO RAISE MONEY IF YOU'RE UP HERE FOOLING AROUND?

FOOLING AROUND, HUH? WANNA CHECK THIS OUT?

- Chrissy: JACK! - WHERE DID YOU GET THAT MONEY?

THIS JUNK DEALER CAME BY AND HAULED HALF THE FURNITURE AWAY.

WHY DIDN'T HE TAKE ALL OF IT?

CHRISSY, EVEN JUNKMEN HAVE THEIR PRIDE.

THIS IS THE MONEY FOR OUR RENT THIS MONTH. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

- JACK, YOU'RE WONDERFUL. - YAY, JACK!

OH CHRISSY, YOU JUMP BETTER THAN ANYBODY I KNOW.

- YOU'RE SO BAD! - (doorbell rings)

I'LL GET IT.

WE MEET AGAIN!

- IT'S HIM! - Jack: IT'S WHO?

SOME CREEP WHO WAS PESTERING US AT THE REGAL BEAGLE.

GET OUT OF THE WAY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS CLOWN.

LISTEN, IF YOU GIRLS ARE EMBARRASSED

ABOUT THAT MISUNDERSTANDING AT THE REGAL BEAGLE,

- I'M WILLING TO FORGET ALL ABOUT IT. - LOOK, FELLA,

DON'T MAKE ME GET ROUGH. JUST TAKE A HIKE!

ARE YOU THE ONES HAVING THE GARAGE SALE?

YEAH, BUT WE DON'T TAKE MONEY FROM JERKS!

- THAT LAMP! IS THAT FOR SALE? - THIS?

YOU WOULD ACTUALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS LAMP?

HE'S A BIGGER WEIRDO THAN I THOUGHT.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW RARE THESE ARE.

I GOTTA HAVE THIS LITTLE BABY.

IT'LL GIVE ME A MATCHING SET.

YOU HAVE ANOTHER LAMP LIKE THIS ONE?

YEAH, LUAU LULU.

IT'S IN THE GARAGE WITH THE REST OF MY FURNITURE.

YOUR FURNITURE?

YEAH, I HAD THEM PUT IT IN THE GARAGE

TILL THEY FINISHED MY APARTMENT DOWNSTAIRS.

YOUR APARTMENT?

DO YOU HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM?

- DOES HE HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM? - WHAT?

(yells) YES! MY APARTMENT!

I'M RALPH FURLEY! I'M GOING TO BE THE NEW BUILDING MANAGER!

- THE NEW WHAT? - THE NEW WHO?

THE NEW WHICH?

THEY ALL HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM!

HERE YOU ARE, MR. FURLEY.

YOU SOLD ALL MY MOST PRICELESS TREASURES. HOW COULD YOU?

BELIEVE ME, IT WASN'T EASY.

HONEST, WE'VE BEEN LIVING HERE FOR THREE YEARS

- AND NOTHING LIKE THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE. - THAT'S RIGHT.

AND EVERY TIME IT DID MR. ROPER ALWAYS GOT OVER IT.

YOU'RE GIVING HIM A LITTLE MORE OF AN EXPLANATION THAN HE NEEDS.

YOU MEAN THE THREE OF YOU LIVE HERE TOGETHER?

YES. DIDN'T MR. ROPER TELL YOU?

OH, YES.

YOU MUST BE WOOD, SNOW, AND TRIP... PER.

YEAH, ROPER TOLD HIM, ALL RIGHT.

(doorbell rings)

I'LL GET THAT. EXCUSE ME, MR. FURLEY.

- HI. - HELLO, LANA, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

OH, I'M JUST BEING NEIGHBORLY.

I THOUGHT I'D STOP IN AND TRY AND BORROW SOME SUGAR.

- OH SURE, HELP YOURSELF. - THANK YOU.

- COME ON, SUGAR. - NO WAIT, LANA!

I CAN'T GO. I HAVE TO GET TO THE BANK BEFORE IT CLOSES.

OH, WELL JUST THINK OF ME

AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL WALK-UP WINDOW.

LANA! I WANT THAT MONEY.

SO, MAKE A WITHDRAWAL.

OH YEAH? (laughs)

YOU THINK I WON'T JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT...

- (Chrissy snickering) - Jack: WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?

IT'S A TREASURE CHEST!

- YOU WANT A TREASURE CHEST? - NO, JACK, COME ON!

COME ON, LANA.

THAT'S THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE WORLD.

AND IT STILL WORKS.

JACK, YOU'RE NO FUN.

YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT, BUT I HAVE A PORSCHE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET UNDER IT?

THAT'S MR. FURLEY, HE'S THE NEW LANDLORD.

OH! EXCUSE ME.

GET UNDER IT, PLEASE.

JACK, IF YOU'D LIKE TO DROP OFF SOME SUGAR,

I'LL BE WAITING IN MY APARTMENT WITH EMPTY CUPS.

THOSE EYES, THAT HAIR! WHO IS THAT MAGNIFICENT CREATURE?

- YOU MEAN LANA. - LANA?

RALPH WANT LANA.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED YOUR FURNITURE.

I WANT THAT, TOO. GET IT BACK!

MR. FURLEY, I CAN'T, SEE? I DON'T KNOW WHO BOUGHT IT.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET HIS NAME?

NO. THERE WAS SOMETHING WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF HIS TRUCK...

GREAT! WHAT WAS IT?

"JUNK."

IN THAT CASE, I'LL TAKE THIS.

THAT'S OUR MONEY FOR THE RENT!

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY THE RENT. - WE DON'T?

NO, BECAUSE I'M EVICTING YOU.

TOMORROW'S THE FIRST OF THE MONTH, AND OUT YOU GO.

- YOU'RE EVICTING US? - WAIT A MINUTE, MR. FURLEY...

YOU CAN'T THROW THREE HELPLESS CHILDREN INTO THE STREET.

YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.

I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT ANYWAY, YOU SOLD MY BED!

IT'S NO USE, GIRLS! WE MIGHT AS WELL START PACKING.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO CANCEL

THE MEET-THE-NEW-MANAGER DINNER PARTY WE HAD PLANNED.

Girls: MEET THE...?

I KNOW. I'M JUST AS DISAPPOINTED AS YOU ARE.

BUT I WANT YOU TWO TO BE THE ONES TO TELL LANA.

PASSIONATE WOMEN LIKE HER JUST GET HYSTERICAL.

LANA WAS INVITED TO THE DINNER PARTY?

OH, YEAH!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

SOMETHING JUST OCCURRED TO ME.

EXCUSE ME... I WAS JUST THINKING...

INSTEAD OF A LOUD, CROWDED PARTY,

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO AN INTIMATE DINNER FOR TWO,

JUST YOU AND LANA?

- ME AND LANA? - YEAH, YOU KNOW...

SOFT MUSIC, FINE WINE,

CANDLELIT CONVERSATION?

CHOUETTE A LA MODE?

CHOUETTE A LA MODE?

IT'S A FRENCH-ROMANIAN GOURMET DISH...

ONE BITE WILL DRIVE LANA WILD.

- WONDERFUL! YOU FIX IT FOR US TONIGHT. - YOU GOT... OH!

OH, NO. I JUST REMEMBERED...

I'LL BE BUSY PACKING...

AFTER ALL, WE WERE EVICTED.

IT'S NOT OFFICIAL YET.

IT'S NOT?

- LOOK, TRIPPER... - YEAH?

YOU TAKE CARE OF THE DINNER, I'LL TAKE CARE OF LANA.

IF ALL GOES WELL, NOBODY MOVES OUT.

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.

DINNER AND LANA WILL BE SERVED AT 8:00.

UNTIL THEN, BON APPETIT!

YOU'RE NUTS! THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK.

YOU SAW THE WAY LANA TREATED HIM.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET HER TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM!

I WILL IF SHE THINKS I'M THE MAIN COURSE.

WHERE IS SHE? IT'S ONE MINUTE PAST 8:00!

DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL BE HERE ANY SECOND.

THINK I HAVE TIME FOR ANOTHER BREATH MINT?

- OKAY, HOW WE DOIN'? - ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT US TO DO THIS?

YOU KNOW HOW WE ARE IN THE KITCHEN.

YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO COOK, YOU JUST HAVE TO SERVE.

WHEN THE ROAST IS READY, JUST PUT IT ON THE PLATTER,

- AND BRING IT OUT, OKAY? - (doorbell rings)

- I'LL GET IT. - NO, JACK, WAIT...

JUST RELAX, JANET.

OKAY, HERE WE GO!

HI, JACKIE BOY.

LANA, COME IN. MAY I TAKE YOUR WRAP?

WELL, THAT'S A START...

WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?

WELL, HE... SEE...

LANA, WHY DON'T WE GO INTO MY BEDROOM?

OH, AT LAST!

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

LANA, LET'S TALK ABOUT FURLEY FIRST.

WHATEVER TURNS YOU ON, JACKIE BOY.

NO, SEE I INVITED YOU TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME

BECAUSE IF I SAID YOU'D BE HAVING DINNER WITH FURLEY,

YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE COME UP AT ALL.

YOU'RE RIGHT. GOODBYE.

WAIT, LANA, PLEASE, YOU'VE GOTTA DO IT.

PLEASE? I PROMISED THE GUY.

IF YOU DON'T, HE'LL EVICT US.

WHERE WILL YOU GO?

SOMEPLACE FAR, FAR AWAY.

TOO FAR EVEN TO WRITE.

OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL NEVER GET A CHANCE...

TO FULLY DEVELOP.

AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS HAVE DINNER WITH HIM?

RIGHT! AND BE NICE.

- NO. - LANA, FOR ME?

- ON ONE CONDITION. - SAY WHAT.

I DON'T SPEND ONE MOMENT ALONE WITH HIM.

YOU STAY IN THE ROOM THE WHOLE TIME, AGREED?

THAT WOULD BE SORT OF HARD... THEN NO DEAL.

WAIT, OKAY, I'LL STAY. OKAY?

WELL, WELL, HERE WE ARE.

SO, WHY DON'T WE ALL SIT DOWN?

WE?

I THOUGHT LANA AND I WERE GONNA HAVE DINNER ALONE.

YOU ARE, BUT...

IN ROMANIA, THE CHEF ALWAYS SITS AT THE TABLE WITH HIS FOOD...

TO MAKE SURE IT'S EATEN PROPERLY.

ISN'T THAT SORT OF LIKE A DICTATORSHIP?

I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY LIFE FOR A NIGHT LIKE THIS.

SO HAVE I.

(laughs)

ME TOO.

WHAT DO YOU SAY FOR A LITTLE WINE, MR. FURLEY?

GIVE LANA SOME WINE.

I SURE WILL. LANA, HERE'S SOME VINO.

AHH.

LANA, MY DEAR, EVER SINCE I FIRST LAID EYES ON YOU...

I KNEW WE WERE DESTINED TO BE.

YOUR EYES, YOUR HAIR... (cracking)

(laughs)

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

IN ROMANIA, PEOPLE LAUGH AT THE TABLE ALL THE TIME.

'CAUSE THEY'RE SO HAPPY

THEY'RE NOT OUT IN THE FIELDS PULLING A PLOW!

WELL, LANA, I HOPE AFTER TONIGHT, WE'LL BE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS.

I MUST CONFESS...

I DO TEND TO ATTACH MYSELF TO PEOPLE I LIKE.

- (yelps) - Mr. Furley: WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING. THAT'S ROMANIAN FOR "HAVE SOME MORE WINE."

A TOAST TO LANA...

WHO, LIKE OLD WINE, GETS BETTER WITH AGE.

I WILL DRINK TO LANA'S BEAUTY AS WELL!

TO YOUR BEAUTY.

(blows tone)

CHRISSY! YOU BETTER HURRY UP!

I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!

- YOU BETTER GO FASTER THAN... - (both scream)

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

ME?

OWN! OH! HOT!

GET A PLATE!

- GO WASH IT OFF. - WASH IT?

YES, WASH IT OFF!

Janet: I'LL CLEAN UP THE FLOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU... WHOA!

- (girls scream) - (glass shatters)

I KNEW THIS EVENING WAS GONNA BE A DISASTER!

ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

JUST GRAB THE CAKE AND FOLLOW ME, OKAY?

AT LAST, THE MOMENT HAS COME!

DINNER IS SERVED.

THAT'S A CAKE!

Jack: WHAT, THAT? THAT'S A CAKE.

OF COURSE, THAT'S A CAKE. BUT IN ROMANIA,

IT'S A TRADITION TO SKIP THE MAIN COURSE AND START BACKWARDS.

THAT WAY, YOU ALWAYS HAVE ROOM FOR DESSERT.

THERE'S SOMETHING VERY WRONG HERE.

YOU'RE RIGHT. HOW STUPID OF ME. I ALMOST FORGOT.

NO ONE IN ROMANIA EVER EATS BEFORE THE ENTERTAINMENT.

THAT'S WHY CHRISSY AND JANET WILL NOW PERFORM FOR YOU...

THE FAMOUS ROMANIAN "YUM YUM" SONG.

"YUM YUM" SONG?

"YUM YUM" SONG! GO AHEAD, GIRLS.

- "GO AHEAD, GIRLS"? - JANET WILL GO FIRST.

IT'S THE FAMOUS SONG MY FAMOUS ROMANIAN GRANDMOTHER TAUGHT ME.

♪ IN ROMANIA, WE LOVE TO DANCE ♪

♪ IT'S THE COUNTRY OF ROMANCE ♪

♪ GRAB YOUR PARTNER AND TAKE A SPIN ♪

♪ THEN SIT RIGHT DOWN AND HAVE YOUR "DIN"... ♪

Jack: THEN, OF COURSE, THE WONDERFUL ROMANIAN CHORUS...

♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

♪ YUM YUM YUM, YUM YUM! ♪

All three: HEY! YUM, YUM, YUM...

- Jack: EVERYBODY DANCE! - All three: ♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

♪ YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM ♪

♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

♪ YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM ♪

♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪

TO ROMANIA!

All: TO ROMANIA!

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN I'VE HAD SO MUCH FUN!

WE'LL HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME...

RIGHT AFTER LANA AND I COME BACK FROM OUR ROMANIAN CRUISE.

AFTER WHO COMES BACK FROM WHERE?

WE'RE ALL GONNA BE SUCH GOOD NEIGHBORS.

WE ARE? YOU MEAN WE CAN STAY?

STAY? WHERE WERE YOU GOING?

- OH, NOWHERE! - THANKS FOR HELPING, LANA.

I HOPE YOU AND MR. FURLEY HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME

ON YOUR ROMANIAN CRUISE.

ROMANIA?

I HEAR IT'S WONDERFUL THIS TIME OF YEAR. YOU'LL LOVE IT.

ROMANIA, MY AUNT FANNY!

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BUSTER,

I'D SOONER GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP

THAN TO TAKE A CRUISE WITH YOU TO ANYWHERE.

LANA, BE NICE.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD EVEN BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH A...

WORM LIKE HIM?

LANA, YOU WANT SOME CAKE?

EVEN A WORM WOULDN'T BE SEEN WITH A WORM LIKE HIM.

SO JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME, MR. MANAGER!

THAT LANA'S SUCH A KIDDER!

SHE REALLY LIKES YOU, I CAN TELL.

- IT'S TRUE, MR. FURLEY... - SO TRUE!

MR. FURLEY? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SAY SOMETHING.

SHE LOVES ME.

(doorbell rings)

- OH, HI, MR. FURLEY. - PLEASE DON'T SHOUT.

Chrissy: WE'RE SORRY... ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

I CAN'T REMEMBER A THING ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

BUT I DO REMEMBER THIS IS THE FIRST,

- AND I WANT THE RENT! - Jack: THE RENT?

WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE HERE TO SETTLE THE BILL

FOR LAST NIGHT'S DINNER.

LET'S SEE, THERE WAS THE FOOD AND THE WINE...

THE SINGING AND DANCING AND THE GRATUITIES,

THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, THE CHAMPAGNE BATH.

CHAMPAGNE BATH?

THAT COMES TO A GRAND TOTAL OF... LOOK AT THIS!

$300! WHAT A COINCIDENCE,

THAT'S EXACTLY HOW MUCH WE OWE YOU FOR THE RENT.

CHAMPAGNE BATH?

TELL YOU WHAT, WE'LL JUST CALL IT EVEN.

HERE'S YOUR RECEIPT. THANK YOU KINDLY.

I DON'T REMEMBER ANY CHAMPAGNE BATH.

YOU DON'T?

MY GOODNESS, THAT WAS THE HIT OF THE EVENING.

YOU MEAN LANA SAW ME IN THE BATHTUB?

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED.

THE LITTLE BUBBLES HID EVERYTHING.

(theme music playing)

(theme music continues)

"THREE'S COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.