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FISHER: You know...
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in a movie...
3
00:00:21,750 --> 00:00:23,875
this would be the time where...
4
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I monologue a little bit
about Hammurabi and his code...
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about how he always struggled
to fill the shoes of his father,
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Sin-Muballit,
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the fifth Amorite king
of the old Babylonian Empire.
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But...
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I won't do that.
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Because monologues are bullshit.
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Man! You had it all.
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Fortune, fame,
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a chain of affordable,
plant-based fast food restaurants.
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Hah! While the rest of us,
15
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the rest of us
16
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had to work on our craft for decades
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just to get paid acting work.
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But you...
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you had to have everything,
didn't you?
20
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What? Do you want to say something?
21
00:01:20,792 --> 00:01:23,416
Oh, okay.
Let me help you.
22
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[sobbing]
23
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- Help! Help! Help!
- Help! Help!
24
00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:29,291
Help! Help!
25
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- Help!
- Aah! Aah!
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[laughing]
27
00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:36,332
[sighing]
28
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You're pathetic.
29
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You know...
30
00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:43,542
my foster dad...
31
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he was a forensics expert
for 40 years.
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00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:49,749
What you did back there,
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your portrayal...
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00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,458
of his noble profession...
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was even more offensive
than your portrayal
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of George Washington Carver.
37
00:01:59,292 --> 00:02:01,791
- Oh, come on.
- Oh, I'll come on you!
38
00:02:01,792 --> 00:02:04,249
- What?
- You call yourself an actor?
39
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:06,666
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
40
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:10,041
You just gonna kill us
without even hearing my side, huh?
41
00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:12,124
What kind of law enforcement
officer are you?
42
00:02:12,125 --> 00:02:15,874
Law? The law's got nothing
to do with it at this point.
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[badge clinks]
44
00:02:17,292 --> 00:02:18,666
No-- what you doing?!
45
00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,041
Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait,
wait-wait-wait!
46
00:02:20,042 --> 00:02:21,999
- Your ass is mine.
- Get the fuck off of me!
47
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- Let's go!
- Get your hands off me.
48
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Hey, hey!
Hey, stop, stop.
49
00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:27,124
- Hold on.
- You know, Kevin and I--
50
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- What?
- We could make our own movie
51
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where you are the star.
52
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We could put up the money.
53
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,749
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
54
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Yeah! Hey, hey, yes!
55
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FBI agent.
Big story, big moment.
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00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:43,124
- JORDAN: Yeah.
- Fuck scenes.
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Fuck... Fuck scenes.
So many.
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Yeah-yeah-yeah...
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00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,707
I just want you to know,
I think Jordan and Kevin
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00:02:49,708 --> 00:02:51,249
are lying to you
and trying to trick you.
61
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:52,916
- What the fuck is that?
- Pearl, come on!
62
00:02:52,917 --> 00:02:55,707
I would never do that,
I would never try to get inside your head.
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00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,666
In fact, I-I love Hammurabi
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00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:01,916
and his big, sexy code,
65
00:03:01,917 --> 00:03:03,957
but I'm not even thinking
about Hammurabi right now.
66
00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:06,292
No? No, the only thing on my mind...
67
00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:10,292
is you, Jeff Fisher.
68
00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:14,916
- It's John.
- Fuck.
69
00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:16,249
- Quit bullshitting me!
- Come on, man.
70
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:18,124
All of you!
Let's get this over with.
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00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:20,124
- KEVIN: Wait--
- FISHER: Flip it, turn around.
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- KEVIN: I need a second.
- FISHER: Okay, one.
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KEVIN:
Wait, wait a minute.
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Wait a fucking minute!
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Shit! It's fucking fire.
76
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:33,457
Look, man, if this will be
my last breath on Earth,
77
00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:34,957
then I want to say something real.
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00:03:34,958 --> 00:03:37,082
Oh, you're gonna...
you're gonna monologue right now?
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I just wanna say that you guys...
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00:03:40,792 --> 00:03:42,542
you're the real actors.
81
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:44,957
I mean, you--
come on, man,
82
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,707
you spent over a decade
of your fucking life...
83
00:03:47,708 --> 00:03:49,917
dedicating it to this craft?
84
00:03:52,042 --> 00:03:55,499
Jordan?
You have acted circles around me
85
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,083
in every single scene
that we've ever done together.
86
00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:01,625
And, Pearl...
87
00:04:02,833 --> 00:04:04,874
I don't...
I don't really know shit about you.
88
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:06,833
I'm a pescatarian.
89
00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:09,917
Okay.
90
00:04:14,708 --> 00:04:16,167
I'm a comedian.
91
00:04:17,833 --> 00:04:19,292
And an action star.
92
00:04:22,542 --> 00:04:24,249
I know there's a lot of people
out there that think that I'm
93
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:26,917
at the top of my game,
but let me tell you something.
94
00:04:29,625 --> 00:04:30,917
I'm not.
95
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,874
I've been paying
a lot of attention to my peers...
96
00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:39,958
because they've done these dramatic roles.
97
00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,542
I mean, some have even won awards.
98
00:04:46,125 --> 00:04:49,541
And I told myself that my legacy would be
incomplete if I don't win an award.
99
00:04:49,542 --> 00:04:52,291
And so what, right?
So people all over the world
100
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,167
can simply say, "He's great"?
101
00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:57,499
Who gives a shit?
102
00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:01,082
I don't need a shiny object
to define my legacy.
103
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,000
I come from nothing, man.
104
00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:06,792
And when you kill me,
that's right back where I'll go.
105
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To nothing.
106
00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:12,916
I like to think that during my time here,
107
00:05:12,917 --> 00:05:14,375
that I did a good job of...
108
00:05:15,708 --> 00:05:17,957
making people laugh...
109
00:05:17,958 --> 00:05:19,332
you know, giving people an escape
110
00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:21,458
from whatever it is
that they're going through in life.
111
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Cause that's what good actors do.
112
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Yeah.
113
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I don't know if it's called
a legacy or otherwise,
114
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but I'll tell you what,
I'm proud of myself.
115
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,875
I'm proud of the work that I did.
116
00:05:37,042 --> 00:05:39,499
And this is how it ends then, okay.
117
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So fucking be it.
118
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It's been a hell of a run...
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00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:49,292
with the ones I love.
120
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:58,832
I... I'm sorry, I...
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I don't even know
how it got to this.
122
00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:03,582
I'm sorry, too.
123
00:06:03,583 --> 00:06:05,458
I'm sorry that
you believed that monologue.
124
00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:11,791
It's called acting, motherfucker.
125
00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:13,124
Nice punch, Jordan.
126
00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:16,249
- Nice monologue.
- What?! Jordan, okay,
127
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,624
you are my hero, and, Kevin,
your acting was fucking sick.
128
00:06:19,625 --> 00:06:21,457
- Oh, my God.
- It was unreal.
129
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:23,082
- KEVIN: Knocked his ass out.
- Well, thank you so much.
130
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,624
Kevin, I know that wasn't acting.
131
00:06:26,625 --> 00:06:30,207
Okay? I know that was
you speaking from the heart, not acting.
132
00:06:30,208 --> 00:06:32,249
- So thank you, Kevin.
- Well... yeah...
133
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,916
Well, this has...
well... room for me.
134
00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:36,416
[soft chatter]
135
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:41,167
[slow clapping]
136
00:06:44,542 --> 00:06:46,082
Bravo.
137
00:06:46,083 --> 00:06:48,499
- Well done.
- What the fuck?
138
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,666
- JORDAN: You're alive.
- Of course I'm alive.
139
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No, I saw you.
140
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,749
I saw... I saw you hanging...
141
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,749
hanging over the Venetian Fauchard.
142
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:01,332
You were--
it was in you, you were dead.
143
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,667
I was.
144
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:05,624
And I wasn't.
145
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,082
I'm... I'm gonna need
an explainer for this one.
146
00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:09,499
- Yeah, that would be great.
- I would also like to know.
147
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,624
As you may know,
148
00:07:11,625 --> 00:07:16,333
before I became a director,
I was a pioneer of special effects.
149
00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:21,625
My first invention for Sam Peckinpah...
150
00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:25,957
I called the blood tunnel.
151
00:07:25,958 --> 00:07:27,624
[opera playing]
152
00:07:27,625 --> 00:07:33,375
I connected the blood tunnel
to a 1978 Holatron-1XT remote receiver.
153
00:07:34,625 --> 00:07:38,083
The same device I had used
in "Death Before Supper."
154
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,624
I simply wired that to the tip
155
00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:44,583
of a spring-loaded
replica Venetian Fauchard.
156
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:48,874
As you may also know,
157
00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:52,167
before I worked in special effects,
I was a prop master.
158
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:57,707
By the time you arrived for dinner,
159
00:07:57,708 --> 00:08:00,166
everything was in place.
160
00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:03,083
I wired my chest piece to a remote.
161
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,750
All I had to do was make my death
as convincing as possible.
162
00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:11,999
How did the cops know?
163
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,042
I alerted the authorities
while I was heating the lasagna.
164
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,499
I knew it would take them
seven minutes to arrive,
165
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,332
and that was all the time I needed.
166
00:08:24,333 --> 00:08:28,541
But you weren't fucking breathing.
You were dead. I saw it.
167
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,207
- PEPPER: Yes.
- KEVIN: Hoffman ass...
168
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:32,374
PEPPER: During dinner,
I had ingested 600 milligrams
169
00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:35,666
of an adenosine-bisoprolol cocktail.
170
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:37,624
It made my heartbeat so faint
171
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:40,666
that it could not be detected
by medical personnel.
172
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:44,249
- You got a time of death?
- Approximately 8:15.
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PEPPER: Not that it mattered,
174
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,749
because the coroner was also an actor.
175
00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:51,833
[sirens wailing]
176
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Well done, my dear.
177
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:11,666
Jillian fucking Jones.
178
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,375
She is good.
179
00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:18,082
Mr. Pepper.
180
00:09:18,083 --> 00:09:19,457
I thought you were really dead.
181
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:20,916
What the hell's going on?
182
00:09:20,917 --> 00:09:22,582
Why didn't you let me in on it?
183
00:09:22,583 --> 00:09:26,082
Had you known I faked my own death,
you would have altered your character,
184
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:30,083
and I needed to see you
as a true rogue agent.
185
00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:33,375
I...
186
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,374
- Jordan?
- I've waited my whole--
187
00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:43,041
You demonstrated a discipline,
188
00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:46,874
a focus, tenacity...
189
00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:49,666
that I have not seen
since I cast Meryl Streep
190
00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:52,583
in "The Ice Castle Has Two Doors."
191
00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:57,875
- Listen, I cannot wait to--
- Pearl.
192
00:10:00,708 --> 00:10:03,541
Laurence Olivier once said to me,
193
00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:06,249
"Acting is nothing more than
194
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:09,250
"herding cockroaches
into a pile of steaming shit.
195
00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:13,083
"Unless...
196
00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:17,499
"the actor is selfless enough
to put his own life
197
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,292
ahead of the character."
198
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:23,458
And I-- I did that?
199
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,083
Hmm.
200
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:33,333
- Oh, shit.
- Kevin.
201
00:10:34,875 --> 00:10:36,707
My God.
202
00:10:36,708 --> 00:10:40,082
When your life was on the line...
203
00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:43,124
you dug deep,
204
00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:47,041
you cried real fucking tears,
205
00:10:47,042 --> 00:10:51,000
and you delivered
what can only be characterized...
206
00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:54,958
as an Oscar-caliber monologue.
207
00:10:55,958 --> 00:10:58,375
- You really thought so?
- I did.
208
00:11:03,458 --> 00:11:07,207
I fucking told y'all.
I fucking told you.
209
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:13,499
John, you... came so close...
210
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:17,332
to owning your role as a rogue agent,
211
00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:21,167
but in the climactic moment,
you committed the unforgivable sin.
212
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,041
You broke character.
213
00:11:24,042 --> 00:11:26,874
I was... I was supposed
to actually murder them?
214
00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:29,332
A real actor would kill for the part.
215
00:11:29,333 --> 00:11:30,624
Um...
216
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:33,250
But you, John...
217
00:11:34,583 --> 00:11:35,875
you...
218
00:11:37,625 --> 00:11:40,166
belong in beer commercials.
219
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,375
I... I did commit.
220
00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:48,417
I did, I got a Hammurabi's Code
tattooed on my back.
221
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,792
Good for you, son.
222
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,707
[screaming]
223
00:11:55,708 --> 00:11:57,750
[gunshots]
224
00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:01,791
Shoot the girls next!
Shoot the girls next!
225
00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:03,333
[gun dry-clicking]
226
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,832
Yes, they're blanks, John.
227
00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:11,500
The FBI has been giving you blanks
your entire time with the Bureau.
228
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:16,957
I couldn't have you killing someone
while researching a role.
229
00:12:16,958 --> 00:12:18,457
I'm not a monster.
230
00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:21,249
Well, he did almost...
231
00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,707
nearly shove me
in an incinerator, so...
232
00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:25,749
That's true.
That was very, very close.
233
00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:27,874
- You almost died.
- Mm.
234
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:30,666
Well, I have a car waiting.
235
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:34,292
Why don't we go discuss the film
we're all going to make together?
236
00:12:38,042 --> 00:12:39,582
Hey, wait. Hold on.
237
00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:43,125
Wait, wait a minute.
Hold on, just...
238
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:47,791
You had people thinking
I was a murderer, man.
239
00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:49,874
Yeah, and that I was his accomplice.
240
00:12:49,875 --> 00:12:51,750
You did let me get hit by a car.
241
00:12:52,792 --> 00:12:54,916
- Uh-huh?
- Just putting the cherry on top of it,
242
00:12:54,917 --> 00:12:57,374
you had this psychopath back here
243
00:12:57,375 --> 00:13:01,416
take us to the goddamn murder warehouse
to do God knows what to us.
244
00:13:01,417 --> 00:13:03,624
And now you just expect us
to leave with you and get in your car
245
00:13:03,625 --> 00:13:07,542
so we can go talk about the thing
that's gonna bring us the acting trophy?
246
00:13:10,208 --> 00:13:12,125
Then I guess this is goodbye.
247
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,958
[soft chatter]
248
00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:19,457
Wait.
249
00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:22,542
["Paint the Town Red"
by Doja Cat playing]
250
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:27,499
Does it have to be goodbye?
251
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:30,750
โช Walk on by โช
252
00:13:32,083 --> 00:13:35,250
โช Walk on by โช
253
00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:40,332
- โช Walk on by โช
- โช Yeah, bitch, I said what I said โช
254
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,041
โช I'd rather be famous instead โช
255
00:13:42,042 --> 00:13:43,958
Oh, my God, what a night.
256
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,332
You guys, we fucking did it.
257
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:49,416
We actually fucking did it.
258
00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:51,416
It actually feels a lot better
than I ever imagined.
259
00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:52,707
- Right?
- Seriously.
260
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:55,416
it does. I didn't think it could,
but then it is...
261
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,166
it's just as good, plus ten.
262
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:59,207
I definitely drank
way too much champagne.
263
00:13:59,208 --> 00:14:02,249
I can't believe I propositioned
Viola Davis during the In Memoriam.
264
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,124
KEVIN:
Yo, Jackson, hey.
265
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,375
Gonna toss that on your shelf
with all your other trophies?
266
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,250
Not this one, Kevin.
267
00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:13,000
This one I will cherish.
268
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,666
TV HOST:
And now on to last night's...
269
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:17,291
- KEVIN: Oh, shit!
- ...star-studded event.
270
00:14:17,292 --> 00:14:18,707
ALL: It's us!
271
00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:20,791
TV HOST: It was a clean sweep
for Jackson Pepper's
272
00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:23,749
psychological thriller
"The Forgotten Fugitive."
273
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:26,582
With Best Actor awards
for Kevin Hart,
274
00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:29,874
Jordan King,
and newcomer Pearl Mondolvia,
275
00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:31,874
- each taking home...
- Wow.
276
00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:34,124
- We look so good.
- No, we do.
277
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,832
- You look fucking good.
- I definitely look the best.
278
00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:38,166
TV HOST:
...Jackson Pepper.
279
00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:40,541
Congratulations
to our favorite film of the year.
280
00:14:40,542 --> 00:14:42,041
We'll be right back.
281
00:14:42,042 --> 00:14:43,791
You may get cheated on
when you go out of town
282
00:14:43,792 --> 00:14:45,874
on a boy's fishing trip.
But you know what won't cheat on you?
283
00:14:45,875 --> 00:14:47,874
- PEARL: It's our guy!
- Guffey Light!
284
00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:50,207
- You know what? He's not bad.
- My God.
285
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:53,166
When life gets rough,
reach for a Guff.
286
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:55,124
- PEARL: ...incredible.
- Guffey Light, that is.
287
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:57,374
[laughing]
The only beer sponsored by...
288
00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:59,874
What's wrong with Jackson?
Hey, Jackson.
289
00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:01,666
You okay over there?
290
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,083
Yeah, yes, I'm just... I'm...
291
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,958
...old.
Excuse me.
292
00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:12,166
Hm.
293
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:14,375
PEARL:
He did do a bunch of Jaeger shots.
294
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,000
I did it.
295
00:15:20,125 --> 00:15:22,625
[soft music]
296
00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:36,417
[chuckling]
297
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:43,667
[ominous music]
298
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:56,917
Well done, my dear.
299
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,291
I have another role for you.
300
00:16:05,292 --> 00:16:07,166
You're going to love it.
301
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,042
A role?
302
00:16:10,583 --> 00:16:13,207
Oh, no. Jackson, remember?
303
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:18,750
You promised,
I help you with all of this...
304
00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:22,624
And you back me in my directing career.
305
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:26,207
Of course, yes, and I will.
306
00:16:26,208 --> 00:16:30,041
But you're such a wonderful actress.
307
00:16:30,042 --> 00:16:32,375
You belong in front of the camera.
308
00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:36,541
Huh, interesting.
309
00:16:36,542 --> 00:16:38,166
Patience, kid.
310
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:40,124
One day I'll be gone, and...
311
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:42,333
you can direct all the films you want.
312
00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:45,124
Okay.
313
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,582
So when you're dead,
that's when I get to direct.
314
00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:49,917
- Is that it?
- Mm-hmm.
315
00:16:51,542 --> 00:16:53,125
I think I'm okay with that.
316
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:56,332
Aah!
317
00:16:56,333 --> 00:16:58,417
[dramatic score]
318
00:17:03,125 --> 00:17:04,667
[distorted scream]
319
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,624
It's hot in there, my friend.
320
00:17:25,625 --> 00:17:27,791
- Real hot.
- [knocking on door]
321
00:17:27,792 --> 00:17:30,292
KEVIN:
Hey, Jackson. You okay in there?
322
00:17:32,042 --> 00:17:33,958
["Jackson Pepper" voice]
Never better, Kevin.
323
00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:38,042
[normal voice, whispering]
Never better.
324
00:19:16,792 --> 00:19:18,292
KEVIN:
Hoffman ass...
23453
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