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1
00:00:04,208 --> 00:00:06,624
Watch where you're walking.
This is a crime scene.
2
00:00:06,625 --> 00:00:09,207
Stop touching that.
Jesus. It could be evidence.
3
00:00:09,208 --> 00:00:13,249
All right, everyone, listen up.
My name is Special Agent John Fisher.
4
00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:16,457
I'll be taking over this investigation.
Somebody call dispatch.
5
00:00:16,458 --> 00:00:19,041
Tell them to set up roadblocks
in a five-mile radius.
6
00:00:19,042 --> 00:00:22,541
- Now. Let's go.
- Sorry, pal, this is my jurisdiction.
7
00:00:22,542 --> 00:00:24,749
You're relieved of your duty.
Go find a new hobby.
8
00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:26,416
Hey, kid, I'm in charge here.
9
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,291
You got an issue,
fill out a comment card.
10
00:00:28,292 --> 00:00:30,082
You wanna bitch about it?
Call your wife.
11
00:00:30,083 --> 00:00:32,082
Feeling lonely?
Go fuck yourself.
12
00:00:32,083 --> 00:00:35,249
- You can't talk to me like that.
- Yeah, actually, I can.
13
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:37,582
Quit tainting my crime scene
with your incompetence
14
00:00:37,583 --> 00:00:40,332
and let me do my fucking job.
15
00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:41,667
Walk.
16
00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:49,499
- You got a time of death?
- Approximately 8:15.
17
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,832
I spotted three cameras
on my walk up the drive.
18
00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:55,916
I bet dollars to donuts that
there's more inside this house.
19
00:00:55,917 --> 00:00:57,832
Who's got the footage?
20
00:00:57,833 --> 00:00:59,291
I said who's got the footage?
21
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:02,749
Me. Me.
Hi, Officer Torres.
22
00:01:02,750 --> 00:01:07,292
Um, looks like
it's all been recorded in the study.
23
00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:10,416
Show me.
24
00:01:10,417 --> 00:01:11,832
KEVIN:
I'm telling you, I didn't do nothing.
25
00:01:11,833 --> 00:01:13,332
Then why were you running and screaming?
26
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,457
What're you talking about?
Wasn't nobody running and screaming.
27
00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:17,374
Why did you just throw your phone away?
28
00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:18,666
Because of satellites.
29
00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:21,541
I don't want them
to triangulate my signal and get me.
30
00:01:21,542 --> 00:01:23,916
Wait, what?
31
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,124
Look, what I'm about to tell you
is gonna sound crazy,
32
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:28,249
and you need to ignore the crazy.
33
00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:30,457
- Listen to the sound.
- Kevin, just get on with it.
34
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:33,291
Separate it. I went over
to Jackson Pepper's house, right?
35
00:01:33,292 --> 00:01:35,207
Wait, wait, wait.
That was Jackson Pepper's house?
36
00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:36,541
Yes, it was Jackson Pepper's house.
37
00:01:36,542 --> 00:01:39,582
Okay, so Jackson had me
come to his own house
38
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:44,167
and pick up a fugitive on the run,
and then you came out... Kevin...
39
00:01:46,042 --> 00:01:47,375
Kevin, what did you do?
40
00:01:48,917 --> 00:01:50,917
- Nothing.
- Kevin.
41
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,249
- I didn't do nothing.
- Kevin Darnell Hart.
42
00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:58,166
I'll tell you what I definitely didn't do.
I didn't murder Jackson Pepper.
43
00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:01,916
That wasn't me. So you can
cancel that from your thought case.
44
00:02:01,917 --> 00:02:05,082
- Shit!
- Is-- okay, is--
45
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,541
Is Jackson Pepper dead?
46
00:02:06,542 --> 00:02:09,041
- He's dead, Jordan.
- What do you mean he's dead?
47
00:02:09,042 --> 00:02:10,457
Okay, I go over his house.
48
00:02:10,458 --> 00:02:12,666
I want to tell him I'm a big fan.
I love his movies, right?
49
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:16,291
He bring out this hot ass lasagna,
like, some fucking boiling hot lasagna.
50
00:02:16,292 --> 00:02:17,791
I don't know
what kind of microwave he got,
51
00:02:17,792 --> 00:02:19,791
but this shit was way too hot,
so we sit there,
52
00:02:19,792 --> 00:02:21,749
waiting for it to cool down,
but then he's, like, strangling me,
53
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,582
- on some kinky shit--
- Kevin, this is not funny.
54
00:02:24,583 --> 00:02:26,499
I'm not playing, okay?
55
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,832
He told me to strangle him,
but that's not how he died.
56
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:32,291
I want to make that very clear.
He died from the Venetian Fauchard.
57
00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:34,457
Who's the Venetian Fauchard?
58
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,749
Are you... fuck!
59
00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:38,791
- Are you listening to me?
- I'm listening.
60
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,916
Well, then you would know
that that's not a person!
61
00:02:40,917 --> 00:02:42,666
The Venetian Fauchard is
like a fucking harpoon!
62
00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:44,957
- How would I know that?
- And the motherfucker fell on it!
63
00:02:44,958 --> 00:02:46,624
Shit came out his guts.
64
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:49,582
Oh, my God.
I saw his intestines and shit.
65
00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:51,832
- I got nauseous, I start farting!
- Oh, my God.
66
00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:54,582
My gas, his gas,
the whole room starts stinking!
67
00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,457
I said I gotta get the fuck outta here.
68
00:02:56,458 --> 00:03:00,708
Then you pull up, right?
You pull up...
69
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:07,249
Why the fuck were you there?
70
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,832
Huh? Why were you there?
71
00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:11,082
And whose car is this?
72
00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,249
I-- I was-- I mean,
73
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,166
I have been, for two years nearly,
74
00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:18,332
researching a role
for Jackson's next film, okay?
75
00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:19,957
[sighing]
76
00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:21,125
You doing auditions?
77
00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:24,624
Yes-- I mean, yes.
78
00:03:24,625 --> 00:03:27,166
And he told me to come there.
79
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:30,958
I was supposed to be there.
I'm supposed to be your getaway driver.
80
00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:34,167
Shit.
81
00:03:36,875 --> 00:03:37,957
Shit.
82
00:03:37,958 --> 00:03:39,499
[siren honking]
83
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:40,791
What do we do?
What do we do?
84
00:03:40,792 --> 00:03:42,749
Fuck. You gotta
get us out of here.
85
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,124
- How?
- What do you mean, how?
86
00:03:44,125 --> 00:03:45,374
You the getaway driver.
87
00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:48,374
It's fine. It's fine.
Be cool. Be cool.
88
00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:50,125
[snoring]
89
00:03:51,292 --> 00:03:54,041
- Why are you sleeping?!
- This way, if something happens,
90
00:03:54,042 --> 00:03:55,666
it looks like
I had nothing to do with it.
91
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:57,500
- [snoring]
- What are you, a fucking possum?
92
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:04,957
Been a long time since I've seen
anyone back up to physical tapes.
93
00:04:04,958 --> 00:04:07,042
My abuelo still uses the palm pilot.
94
00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:10,082
I think old people fear the cloud.
95
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,625
My foster dad used to have a Betamax.
96
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:17,625
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop. Pause right there.
97
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,707
Is that Kevin Hart?
98
00:04:22,708 --> 00:04:24,707
OFFICER TORRES:
The action star?
99
00:04:24,708 --> 00:04:26,125
I think it is.
100
00:04:27,292 --> 00:04:31,125
Jackson Pepper is the most
celebrated filmmaker of our generation.
101
00:04:32,208 --> 00:04:34,333
He makes serious dramas.
102
00:04:35,833 --> 00:04:39,958
What business would
Kevin Hart have with him?
103
00:04:41,792 --> 00:04:42,874
Is there audio?
104
00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:46,291
What-- no, sir.
Just a video feed.
105
00:04:46,292 --> 00:04:48,207
Okay.
106
00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:51,167
Next time they're on camera is...
107
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,500
here, the trophy room.
108
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,582
Gotcha.
109
00:05:03,583 --> 00:05:05,624
Some sort of disagreement
110
00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:09,791
started right here at the table
over the fettuccine.
111
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:12,457
I think that's lasagna, sir.
112
00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:16,624
It was microwaved too long
in order to fully melt the cheese.
113
00:05:16,625 --> 00:05:18,624
Wow.
114
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:21,874
Things got tense.
Words were said...
115
00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:24,249
promises were broken.
116
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:26,874
Pepper exited the table,
117
00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:29,792
Kevin chased after... to here.
118
00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:33,707
- Kevin demands something.
- Mm-hmm?
119
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:38,207
A big, splashy,
award-winning role, perhaps.
120
00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:40,750
Pepper laughs in his face.
[laughing]
121
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:45,124
Kevin can't fucking take it,
122
00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:47,749
- so he chokes him.
- [growling]
123
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:49,833
All right, and then
they struggle over here.
124
00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:54,291
And then around over here...
125
00:05:54,292 --> 00:05:59,291
and then it crescendoed,
slamming him into the bookcase over here.
126
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:04,291
Finally, all the way over
to this spot here,
127
00:06:04,292 --> 00:06:08,207
where a rage-filled Kevin
lunged at Pepper...
128
00:06:08,208 --> 00:06:09,875
[groaning]
129
00:06:13,042 --> 00:06:17,082
...sending him flying
onto the Venetian Fauchard.
130
00:06:17,083 --> 00:06:18,791
Wow.
131
00:06:18,792 --> 00:06:20,791
That is impressive work.
132
00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:24,332
Also very cool that you knew
the name of that spear.
133
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:26,374
It's my job.
134
00:06:26,375 --> 00:06:29,041
Agent Fisher,
we've got clean prints
135
00:06:29,042 --> 00:06:30,999
off three of the weapons
in this room
136
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,208
and also one of the award statues.
137
00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:36,375
Get everything processed
as soon as possible.
138
00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:40,458
He said as soon as possible. Let's move.
[clapping hands]
139
00:06:47,292 --> 00:06:49,041
We got work to do.
140
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,457
JORDAN:
Maybe you don't have to run.
141
00:06:50,458 --> 00:06:51,999
You didn't kill him on purpose.
142
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,582
- It was an accident.
- What did you just say?
143
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:55,749
I didn't kill him, period.
144
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:57,207
- Don't even say that.
- Okay.
145
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,874
Okay? It was not me.
It was the Venetian Fauchard.
146
00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:01,374
Please stop saying that term.
147
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:03,999
God, I should have known something
fucked up was gonna happen
148
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,583
the minute I was in there
sniffing Dustin Hoffman ass...
149
00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:11,541
...cloth, he had a towel...
150
00:07:11,542 --> 00:07:14,124
Shut up. Just shut up.
I mean, we could go to the cops
151
00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,541
and just explain
that it was an accident.
152
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,374
Or we could not.
153
00:07:18,375 --> 00:07:20,582
That's the stupidest idea
that I've ever heard.
154
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:23,749
Then maybe they'll take us seriously
because, you know, we're, like,
155
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:25,207
high-level celebrities.
156
00:07:25,208 --> 00:07:27,082
First of all, we're not.
157
00:07:27,083 --> 00:07:29,999
Second of all, I want you to name
one Black man that was a celebrity
158
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,749
that ever got off with a crime.
159
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:34,374
- OJ.
- Wow, that was fast.
160
00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:38,124
- Now, you had that one right in the tank.
- It was a highly-publicized case.
161
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,124
Yeah-- wait a minute, are you--
162
00:07:40,125 --> 00:07:42,624
are you comparing me to fucking OJ?
163
00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:45,332
Oh, my God,
this might as well be a fucking Bronco.
164
00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:47,916
Okay? No, what I'm saying is,
from what I can see,
165
00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:52,332
we are running from the cops,
and by their logic, that makes us guilty.
166
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:54,166
I mean, it just feels
like the right thing to do.
167
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:56,416
- What if we just go to them first?
- No--
168
00:07:56,417 --> 00:07:57,624
I don't know what the fuck to do.
169
00:07:57,625 --> 00:07:59,666
- I'll tell you what the fuck--
- Aah!
170
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:01,124
- What are you-- What are you doing?
- No!
171
00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:02,541
Get your hands off the wheel!
172
00:08:02,542 --> 00:08:03,874
What are you-- hey!
173
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:05,124
No!
174
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:06,292
[screams]
175
00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:12,583
What did we just hit?
176
00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:19,041
I think... I think it was a deer.
177
00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:21,708
Yeah, yes, it was a deer.
178
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:25,083
You should go check that out.
179
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,625
You should go check it out.
180
00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:40,708
Wait, stop there.
181
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:45,791
- Holy shit.
- [sniffs]
182
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,082
That's Jordan King.
183
00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:50,582
That is Jordan King.
184
00:08:50,583 --> 00:08:52,999
And that was her
at the fucking bus station.
185
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,250
I knew it.
I knew it in my gut.
186
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,875
Grab the plates from that Mercedes.
187
00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:02,332
It's not a touch screen.
188
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,082
- All right, we gotta put out an APB.
- We gotta put out an APB.
189
00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:06,749
I'm looking for Kevin Hart
and Jordan King,
190
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:10,249
a murderer and his accomplice.
Suspects likely armed and dangerous.
191
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,833
Suspects likely armed and dangerous.
192
00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:14,583
My guy.
193
00:09:15,833 --> 00:09:17,833
[eerie music]
194
00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:30,166
I mean, we saw "Bambi"...
195
00:09:30,167 --> 00:09:31,875
and that was sad, right?
196
00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:35,249
And we know how that...
197
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:36,832
how that whole situation ends.
198
00:09:36,833 --> 00:09:38,874
I mean, that's just life.
199
00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:40,707
At the end of the day,
200
00:09:40,708 --> 00:09:43,916
putting roads and stuff
in their natural habitat...
201
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,916
I personally feel like the deer...
202
00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,499
is like an overpopulation situation.
203
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,707
So we could just be
assisting Mother Nature,
204
00:09:50,708 --> 00:09:53,416
right, in balancing out the ecosystem,
when you think about it.
205
00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:55,999
Um, Kevin...
206
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,999
what if...
207
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,208
what if we didn't hit a deer?
208
00:10:02,292 --> 00:10:04,625
["Die Hart (Go Hard)"
by Kam Kalloway playing]
15959
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