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Someone once said,

"Time is what we want most,

but what we use the worst."

Maybe I'm misquoting, but
it was something like that.

Isaac, what
are you doing up there?

I don't know.

Well, when
you're done come down,

we've got work to do.

This is supposed
to be my vacation.

We have an hour till
the lift shows up.

Can I even while
you, you know?

Let me
ask you a question.

What?

What happened to
that crazy hillbilly

with a guitar that
I fell in love with?

The one that used to
always make me laugh?

I wasn't no hillbilly.

You wasn't no-

- Shut up.
- Hillbilly.

Shut up. I can
still make you laugh.

It's not really funny

when I'm always in the
middle of the joke.

Isn't that what they warn
you about, marrying funny guys?

They're great until
they start using you

for their comedic material.

I should've
listened, shouldn't I?

Hm, I don't know, maybe.

Hm, kidding, Isaac.

I can still make you laugh.

No, that's
ticklish, stop! Stop!

♪ In a Christmas kind of way ♪

♪ You can feel
that winter glow ♪

Not gonna be much of a
white Christmas this year.

Hardly any snow on the ground.

This whole area looks different.

Look at all these
new subdivisions.

♪ There's a wind
out in the chill ♪

What is it?

Hmm. There's cheese
in this burrito.

Well, should I ask him
to turn around and go back?

No, it's fine.

We'll just wait till we
get to your dad's house

and we'll ask if he
has a granola bar.

I'm sure he has something.

I don't think I've seen
him eat a granola bar ever

in my entire life.

The man keeps chickens.

Ipso facto, he eats
eggs for breakfast,

probably with some
cheese sprinkled on top.

A couple of strips of bacon.

He's gonna get cancer.

♪ Showering houses with care ♪

♪ Santa's reindeer is there ♪

Hey, could you do me a favor?

What?

Could you not mention
the vegan thing?

He doesn't know?

I do not wanna have
that conversation with him.

How are we supposed to
eat in front of your father

without him knowing?

I'm gonna have clients
up my ass next week

because I wasn't in my office.

Can't it wait?

Geez, I dragged you out here,

this is what you wanted to do.

Do you like that
nice house we live in?

God, who shit in your
cereal this morning?

Maybe shouldn't even be eating
anyways because.

Hey, you wanna hear a joke?

- No.
- You gonna like it.

- No.
- A vegan, an atheist,

and a CrossFitter
walked into a bar.

And I only know that
because they told everyone

as soon as they
introduced themselves.

♪ Christmas kind of way ♪

I'm not playing
this game with you.

♪ Kind of way ♪

I didn't have
cereal this morning

because you wanted to
get a $15 vegan burrito.

You called and he answered.

Of course he answered.

He has a home phone
and no caller ID.

Well, he didn't hang up.

♪ All the perks of magic snow ♪

Look, my sister

didn't talk to my mom-

- I get your point.
- For like six years.

I've heard the story.

And you're right,

he didn't hang up

- and now we're here.
- I know.

I'm just saying

this is the right thing to do.

Don't you love your father?

♪ Oh, leather scent ♪

♪ From dreamers now absent ♪

♪ Small tidings seem so large ♪

♪ In a Christmas kind of way ♪

Where are the horses?

Don't know.

Hi!

Oh, good to see you.

Didn't gotta knock, you know?

Well, I
don't have a key.

I don't lock the doors.

Been here 30 years.

Who's ever tried to
break into this house?

I don't even think that sliding
door there even can lock.

You guys grabbed some food?

Yeah, that's for us.

What's that?

Some, uh, breakfast burritos

from some hipster joint
Tania found on Yelp.

Oh, well, I was
about ready to go out

and get some eggs,
but that'll do.

You ain't eating?

My stomach is
feeling a bit upset.

Oh, I'm sorry to
hear that, sweetie.

I got Tums and Pepto in
the medicine cabinet.

Uh, I, I'm okay.

No, no, I insist.

Can't have you suffering
all day. Hold on.

Just eat the burrito,
it'll make everything easier.

No, I'm gonna
order my own lunch,

because every time you order
something it goes wrong.

- Every time?
- Every time. It's just-

Well, it looks like I'm
outta the pills, actually.

I've had some problems, but
always had a cast-iron stomach.

No longer though.

Mm.

Mm. Here we go.

Oh! Thanks, Abe.

Yeah.

- Mm.
- Mm!

There you go.

So, uh, what time was
your flight this morning?

We actually flew
in yesterday afternoon.

Oh, yeah, I, I
got up around 6:00

and cleaned the place
up a little bit.

Anticipation y'all was arriving.

You didn't have to do that,
Dad, you got a bad back.

I can push the
vacuum just fine.

Besides, I had needed to
get the spare room ready,

and all that stuff.

We were actually planning on-

We got another
Airbnb for tonight.

No, absolutely not. That is
an incredible waste of money.

We didn't wanna be a burden.

- Not a burden.
- Dad.

Cancel the reservation.

We don't want you to
have to worry about us.

Cancel the reservation.
You're not burdening anybody.

Fine.

I'll go call 'em right now.

Okay. Wanna go help me
feed the chickens, sweetie?

You should really
lock your doors.

You know, you big-city people,

you can't solve any
of your problems,

so people think they can
break into your place

and steal all your stuff.

I heard in LA that you
can steal up to $900 a day

with absolutely no
legal repercussions.

Is that true?

People get robbed at Christmas

more than any other
time of the year.

Did you know that?

Well, did you know that a lock

don't keep anybody out if
they really want to get in.

You know what does?

What?

Bullets. I got plenty of them.

They ain't gonna bite, you know?

I'm not scared
of chickens, Abe.

You just
looked hesitant, is all.

I did used to have a, a
rooster, he'd slash at ya.

Nasty little pecker.

But he got me one
too many times,

so I went and
chopped off his head.

Really?

Yeah, and didn't
even taste any good.

All sorts of chewy, you know?

Why don't you
just let 'em out?

Let 'em run around,
eat some of the bugs?

Well, I used to

unti- 'til they
started getting a taste

of old Dale's strawberries.

He was not happy about that.

Well, why don't you just
put in a better fence?

Oh, you got any idea how
much fence costs nowadays?

Can't afford to be
putting up a new fence,

just so some silly chickens
go around, free-ranging it.

I got a whole acre here.

Well, we can
help you with that.

I don't want that kinda help.

- See any more?
- What?

Eggs.

Uh, sorry, I got distracted.

I was just
admiring the chicken coop.

Isaac actually
helped me build it.

Nicest chicken coop I ever seen.

Better than my damn house.

Be careful now, it
doesn't hold a full bag.

There. That, that's
good, that's good.

Fair trade.

Mm.

They're so adorable.

Delicious too.

We'll have to slaughter
one for you while you here

- so you can try it out.
- No!

No, I don't want you to do that

because they're so cute.

I couldn't, I, I mean,
I couldn't bear to eat them, they're-

You know, food's gotta
get to your table somehow.

I just would prefer
that you didn't kill

any of the chickens
while we are here.

Suit yourself.

Hey, if it was, uh, summertime

and the garden was
going, would it be okay

if I snuck out there and
killed you some lettuce?

You know what I seen on
YouTube the other day?

I seen where
scientists are learning

about the ability of plants to,

to feel things and
remember things.

There we are.

Like a tree.

How's a tree know to grow
its root around a rock?

That every time there's
a drop.

So scientists started
dropping it over-

Season up. It had learned
the drop was safe.

He's gonna
talk her ear off all day.

Oh, and, and the smell
of freshly cut grass,

you know what that is?

That's the grass telling
others that it's in trouble.

Yeah, every time while
you're out there,

think about that now.

Wait!

Aren't you gonna
wash your hands?

There's chicken poop out there.

Tania!

I'm sorry, sweetie.

Been a while since a
woman been in the house.

Forgot my manners.

Abe, do you have
a pen and paper?

I was gonna

- start a list.
- Yeah.

Yeah. A thing to grab, hang on.

Okay,
so "fix the pipe,"

is at the top of the list.

Is there anything else?

I was thinking about
that pile of stuff

I have stored in the garage.

This would've been a
great opportunity to move it outta here

if we had thought ahead
and rented a truck.

There's probably
some kind of nest now.

We got a big mouse problem
out there in the garage.

Neighbor's cat's been
slacking off, so there's that.

Do you have any
Christmas decorations?

Yeah, yeah. They're gonna
be out there in the garage.

Yeah, his momma used
to do all that stuff.

You're grayer
than you used to be.

Yeah, well, so are you.

Okay.

So,

whose idea was this?

Coming out here? Both of us.

So you would come up to
help me after my surgery,

but you wouldn't come up
for your mom's funeral.

I was stuck in China, Dad.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I started noticing
the pressure go down

when I's out watering
the chickens.

You're gonna make me crawl
into the house, aren't you?

Yeah, first we
gotta find the leak.

Where's the pipe at?

That's a good question.

Somewhere around here.

This has gotta be the worst
time of year to dig a hole.

That it is.

You gonna dig in them clothes?

Here you go!

Oh, and uh, I got you a hoodie.

I think you're gonna like it.

They made a hoodie version?

Why do you have that?

They had 'em at the caucus.

I wanted a hoodie.

I can't wear this.

Yeah, that's all
I can spare for yard work.

Are you serious?

What, you afraid one of
your LA friends gonna see you?

Why?

What the hell is that?

- What is what?
- Turn around!

- No.
- Isaac!

No. Ruining a perfectly
good piece of clothing.

Now it's made for working in.

Now you gotta
clean that brush.

Isn't it kinda cold,

all that wet paint
all over your clothes?

You know, you could have
just worn it inside out.

At least you know how
to treat that paintbrush

better than you
treat your clothes.

Of course you
probably don't even remember

what it's like having to
actually pay for clothes.

What are you talking
about? We pay for clothes.

Yeah, when you
make $200,000 a year

buying clothes probably
feels like, I don't know,

buying food off the dollar menu.

I make more than that.

200,000? That's barely
middle class in LA.

Oh, you giving
me a heart attack.

I know, gave me a heart attack

when I first moved out there.

House like this would be
worth a couple million.

Hm.

You know, I think, uh,

shoveling some dirt's
gonna do you good.

Hey, MAGA boys!
Want some water?

Yeah!

Well, I'm good.

I'ma go inside and get a soda.

- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.

I got one waiting
for me in the fridge.

Beside, the doc said I need
to walk more anyway, so.

Looks like we might
stay together after all.

Hey, Dad,
you got any gloves?

Why, your sissy little
hands can't take a shovel?

He is having fun. See?

This is going well.

Too well.

I know my father,
he tortures people

through the guise of humor.

Sounds like
someone else I know.

Don't forget why we're here.

I'm not. I promise.

But we should have
stopped at the hardware store

for some decent gloves
and a decent shovel.

Look at this piece of shit.

Quit stalling.

Isn't there something you
should be cleaning right now?

Today we
have a very special episode

lined up for you.

We have the privilege
of sitting down

with a remarkable and inspiring-

a renowned yoga teacher,
wellness advocate,

and a true embodiment
of clean living.

With students from
all walks of life.

There's no recycling. Really?

Shit!

Like my entertainment?

Hired him myself off a,
off a, a Greg's list.

Yeah, he ain't bad.

He'd be pretty handsome
if you clean him up a bit.

You couldn't
afford to hire me.

Abe, what do you plan
to do with the mice?

I was planning on killing 'em.

What if we move them?

Move 'em?

Yeah, they make these
little humane traps

where you can capture the mice

and then you just release
them away from the house.

So they can go do damage
at somebody else's property?

What if you just let me
release them in the woods?

You know, I, I saw
some trees over there.

- You could-
- Look, yeah,

I can understand that
you don't want me

to kill a chicken, sweetie,

but these are mice.

An invasive species
of mice even.

An invasive species of mice?

Will you please just let me

deal with them humanely?

I'm not stopping you.

Isaac?

Are you asking me?

You've already
made up your mind.

Hey, will those traps
keep 'em from biting you?

I tried catching one
with a cup last year.

Little shit damn near
bit my finger off.

Hey,
what's up, guys?

Over the past couple
years I've made

a couple of DIY mouse traps.

They're all super cool.
They're earth-friendly.

And the one super
awesome thing about 'em,

is that they're all
capture and release.

So if you wanna pick any
one of 'em.

Yeah,
I'm not seeing it.

Yeah, looks like you need
another six inches or so.

About another shovel's head.

The soil's impossible to dig.

It's all stones on top,

and then get through
that and it's all sand.

Can't fill up the shovel.

Well, I know I put the
damn pipe in there myself.

What happened?

Do mice have rabies?

I- I take it they didn't take
too kindly to your advances.

Do you have any sort of,

uh, uh, mouse stuff?

Mice stuff? What, like poison?

Now what do you want with
poison? That's not very humane.

Suddenly you get bit

and you wanna go all
weapons-of-mouse destruction.

But I tell you I got bit,

it's like, "Ooh, let's
just put 'em on a truck,

we'll go on down the
road, drop 'em off,

see if they can kumbaya
their way back home."

Abe!

Am I
right or am I right?

Do you have any mousetraps?

Well, I looked this
morning, I didn't find any.

I was thinking
about getting, uh,

one of them industrial ones.

You know, over at
the Smith & Edwards.

- Is it that bad?
- Oh, yeah.

Don't be surprised if
tonight they start nibbling

on your toes while
you're tryna sleep.

Where you going?

Trying to make the
swelling go down.

You sure you
don't want one of us

to take care of the mice?

Do you have any sunscreen?

No.

You know sunscreen
give you the cancer.

I read that on the, on
the YouTubes, I think.

Maybe, but at
least it stops the burning.

Oh, a tan will do you good.

Get you ready
for beach season.

- How often you go?
- The beach?

Tania goes every once in a
while, but I'm usually at work,

so maybe once a year.

Man, if I lived
out there, I'd,

I'd go to the beach every day.

Gotta make some time for fun,

or what's life for anyway?

I don't know, Dad,

some people have bigger
ambitions than that.

Sometimes you wanna
start a business,

leave a mark on the
world, have a nice house,

not be worried about where
your next meal's coming from.

What good's being able
to afford a nice house

and all the nice meals, if,
if you don't enjoy it though?

What, so you
can have more time

to dig holes in the
ground looking for a pipe?

This what you call enjoying it?

I could hire someone to do this.

Put some money back
in the economy.

Help a Mexican immigrant
keep a roof over his head.

Hey, you know, if I hadn't
just had back surgery,

I'd be out there
digging them holes,

looking for that pipe myself.

Smell that? That's
nature right there.

Feel that breeze,
that sun on your skin.

Yeah, this ain't
work. This is life.

This is living.

It's easy for you to
say, sitting in that chair.

Also, it's freezing cold
and it smells like cows.

Well, you know, it'd
be considerable less fun

if I hired a Mexican to do this,

because you know, he'd
just dig the holes

and not complain the whole time.

Not complaining.

I'm just saying, if
this was my house,

I'd have someone do this for me.

I'd hire somebody. That's all.

Why didn't you hire
somebody to do it for me then?

Would've saved you
money for the flight.

You didn't see me in so long,

what's it matter to you anyway?

Look at this sand. It
just slides right off.

Oh, yeah,

looks like another dud.

You know, this probably
be a whole lot easier

if you used my post hole digger.

Your post hole digger?

Yeah, you didn't
know we had one?

I didn't see it.

Well, it wasn't in the garage.

Where was it then?

Over yonder in the shed,
next to the good shovel.

Why didn't you say something?

Well, you started digging,
I didn't wanna interrupt you.

Ah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure you didn't.

Still hurts?

Yeah, that's what
happens when you play

with those evil little shits.

I figured that out.

Hey, you want a soda?

I'm good, thanks.

Come on, I got all
kinds of things in here.

Might even have some hot
chocolate hidden away somewhere.

I don't drink caffeine
and I don't drink sugar.

Didn't you have orange
juice this morning?

Ain't that sugar?

It's from fruit,
that's different.

Is it?

Well, thank you, Abe.

Hey?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Hey, when did you get
rid of the horses?

Uh, two years ago, maybe.

Saddle business was growing

and I just didn't have time

to take care of 'em
like you supposed to.

So I gave 'em to a, a
old cowboy up the road.

Give 'em the
attention they need.

You know, you don't,
you don't ride 'em

and work 'em regularly,
they, they get antsy

and things
can get kinda western.

You wear a helmet at least?

Boy,
boy, ain't no cowboy

be wearing no
helmets around here.

Ain't no cowboy if
you don't have horses.

Fair.

Yeah, last of my riding
days are probably over.

Are you sure this is the area
where you put down the pipe?

Uh, somewhere
around here, yeah.

- Goddammit.
- Hey!

You better watch your mouth
around here. You better, son.

Dad, I'm 35.

And I'm still your father.

Let's take a break.

Hey! Hey, don't leave
that bottle there.

Coming back.

Just like you Californians,

you whine about the environment

and your cities are
covered in more,

more trash than anywhere else.

It's bigger than
it used to be.

Yeah well, that's where
the horse stall was.

I cut out this wall
and sealed up this end.

Now I can lay out my hides
and make my cuts, no problem.

And I gotta, even got a
place to put my scraps.

This is good, Dad.

Took your mama passing

before I could really
make this shop work.

I was saving up the money,
but I always had you

and your brother to worry about.

Yeah, but now with
y'all being successful

and your mama
passed, I got, I got,

got no reason but to do what
I wanted to do all along.

Could have made the
shop work before then?

Nah, you can't
take a risk like that

when you got a
family to support.

When you have kids,
you'll understand that.

Dad, I already
own my own business.

You're welcome.

What's that supposed to mean?

I paid for my own schooling.

You paid for your tuition.

But let's say, let's say
you, you had to drop out,

or say, say you got
sick or something,

you had to come home.

You lived here rent-free
in the summers. Remember?

What if your business failed

and you had to start
paying off that loan?

Where'd you go?

- I could've-
- You stay with family.

You know, as a man
responsible for,

for you and your brother

and your mother's wellbeing,

I- I- I couldn't
just quit my job

at the drop of a hat.

We'd end up living in a van
down by the river, right?

But you would've been
doing what you wanted to do.

Yeah. Thank God you're
doing what you wanna do.

I'm proud of that,
son, I really am.

But I couldn't do it. Not then.

But now I got my, my
little Army retirement,

you know, covering
the mortgage and,

and I got time to play.

Becoming a bit of a
lost art, you know.

Oh, yeah? Why is that?

People don't wanna
slaughter animals

for the materials anymore?

Nah, they don't
care about that.

Saddle work.

They make these manufactured
saddles now by machine,

and they uh, they, they
wear out really quick.

But they're cheap, and you know,

cowboys today, they can't
afford a good saddle.

Now most of my
customers are rich dudes

who do other stuff for a living,

but on the weekends they
fancy themselves a cowboy.

Yeah, they're all
doctors and dentists

and lawyers, like you.

I was wondering
where you guys were.

How's your hand?

Want me to kiss
it, make it better?

No.

What's up?

Uh, Abe was talking about
getting Chinese earlier.

Do you want Chinese?

Yeah, Chinese sounds good.

Okay. All right,
so rice and veggies?

If you want rice and veggies,

you should order rice
and veggies for yourself.

You getting a plate or
ordering everything individual?

Are you going to
that China King place?

'Cause I'll take them
over Panda any day.

A plate.

So you can get white
rice and an entree.

W- white rice, no,
uh, I want chow mein.

And you can get, uh, two
sides, I think. Right?

Chow mein it is.

Uh, and yes, you
can get two sides

or you can double it.

Veggies?

I would like ham fried rice.

Ham fried rice?

Yes.

Ham fried rice? You sure?

Yeah. In fact,
here's my whole order.

Ham fried rice with a side

of sweet and sour pork,

and kung pow chicken.

- Okay, then.
- Okay!

Hey, hey, hey, uh,
what about my order?

Or am I just getting
the chow mein?

I'm sorry. What do you want?

I'll have what he's having.

Got it.

That mad about the mice, huh?

It is exhausting watching
you fumble around

looking for a pipe like that.

Yeah, well, you can go inside.

Watch some
TV or something.

You don't have to
stay out here with me.

Yeah, I watch enough TV.

This give you some
kind of satisfaction?

Hm. Satisfaction's not
quite the right word.

What is the right word?

Word escapes me.

Sorry, son, getting old.

Yeah, the old nogging
don't work like it used to.

Raising you two knuckleheads
sapped it outta me.

Gave you all the smarts I had.

Back's going.

Memory's going. What's next?

Me, I guess.

What kinda law you
practice anyway?

I- I think I need a will.

Don't you know that?

How am I
supposed to know that?

I don't know,
aren't we friends on Facebook or something?

Entertainment law.

- Entertainment law.
- Yeah.

That's like when
somebody sues somebody else

for stealing their song?

Like that, uh, oh, what
the hell's that guy's name?

Uh, Ice something? Ice.

Ice-T?

Nah, not the "Law
and Order" guy.

Uh, white guy. Dumb haircut.

- Oh, Vanilla Ice.
- That's the one.

That's the one.

Like him stealing that,
uh, David Bowie song.

It's a Queen song, Dad.

Bowie's on it, but
it's a Queen song.

No, no. That ain't right.

You can pull it
up on my phone, if you want.

Eh! So you, you
help sue people then?

Nah.

Well, ain't that
what lawyers do,

is perpetuate our
sue-happy society?

It's not what I do.

Well, what do you do then?

Artist legal representation;
contracts, negotiations.

Firm also handles
legal clearances.

So if you want to
use a brand name

or a copyrighted
image in a movie

or TV, we help
with that process.

Make sure the correct paperwork
gets filed, stuff like that.

So you're paper-pusher?

You wanted
me to go to school

and make a lot of money.

So I went to school
and I chose a path

I reckoned will
make a lot of money.

I wanted to be a
musician, remember?

Oh yeah. Yeah, I remember.

I remember you and
that band of yours

in the garage 'til
all hours at night.

Just waking up the neighbors

and scaring the hell
outta the horses,

that's what I remember

You said, and I quote,

"I just want you
to be secure, son.

Go to college, get a job.

You can do the
music on the side."

You just said you're
doing what you wanna do.

What I want now and
what I wanted at 18

are a different story.

I am doing what I want now.

Well, not now, now.

Now I'm digging
holes in the ground,

looking for a phantom pipe

that I'm pretty
sure doesn't exist.

At least you're
getting faster at it.

I know.

You like it, the
contract thing?

I like having my own business.

Even if it is paper-pushing,
as you put it.

Coming from a man

who makes his living
as an artist now.

It's pretty rich,
you giving me shit

for having a real job when
you begged me to go to school.

That's funny, isn't
it? It's real funny.

First off, I'm a
craftsman, not an artist.

And second, don't swear.

As a man who talks
to artists every day,

let me tell you that saying,

"I'm a craftsman,
not an artist,"

really underlines
the artist part.

You just don't wanna
be known as an artist,

'cause you think it sounds
feminine or something.

Not feminine.
Just sounds fake.

Well, like it or
not, you're an artist

and your son is a businessman.

So how much money you
making over there anyway?

Really? Come on, gimme a number.

Ah, like I said
before, I make a lot.

Well, you go to the
beach once a year.

You haven't seen your
family in five years.

Your wife put you up
to all this, or what?

It takes a lot of money to
keep up our quality of life.

All right?

Is, is that why you
don't have any kids?

Some kind of workaholic?

I don't wanna talk about this.

Well, I'm just asking.

I'm just not answering.

That's why you're stuck
in China, wasn't it?

You were working.

Even though your mom
had just died and,

and we're all here
planning the funeral,

tryna get ready for-

I said I don't
wanna talk about it!

Well, I found the pipe.

All right, you
can't, you can't wait

to get into that new
crawl space.

That's true. It's
the best place on Earth.

You ain't
gonna say grace first?

You didn't have us
say it this morning.

Well, I forgot this morning.

Important thing, is
that we don't forget now.

Would you like to do the honors?

Fine.

- Wonderful.
- Mm-hmm.

Please, God,

please bless this

great harvest.

We would also,

we thank you so much.

Amen.

Amen.

That was a great
effort, honey.

How's your food?

Mm.

You have no idea, babe.

This is, it's delicious.

Mm.

How's the veggies?

It's fine.

A little under
done, but.

Yeah, I eat too much
of that salad-y stuff,

gives me the diarrhea.

As you can see, I'm eating.

I'm just saying,
in about 30 minutes,

you gonna be pissing backwards.

- Dad!
- Okay.

What? Oh, apologies.

Lady in the house.

There it is.

What's wrong?

Catch any mice yet?

You know, every time
you start feeling bad,

you just think about
that little runt

tryna chew your finger off.

I didn't put water in it.

If you're gonna try that
catch and release thing again,

make sure they don't get out

and chew through the
seats in Dad's car.

Do you think I'm that stupid?

All right, kids,
come on, play nice.

The young lady wants to
pretend she's St. Francis,

let her pretend, come on.

Swap me.

Make sure you don't get any,
uh, dirt on the pipe there.

It won't set right.

I know. Okay, got it, here.

Get it, get it. Okay.

You
don't have to count.

I'm following the
instructions, 30 seconds.

I- if it's
set, it's set.

Just wait 'til it feels right.

Do you want this thing
to start leaking again?

Whatever you say.

10, 11, 12, 13,

14, 15, 16, 17,

18, 19, 20,

21, 22, 23,

24, 25, 26,

27, 28, 29

and 30.

Let's go turn the water on.

Hold on, give me
that, gimme that can.

Says to wait four hours

before you turn
the water back on.

That'd be good in
20 minutes, I bet ya.

Ain't no PVC glue takes
no four hours to dry.

You wanna stoop down in there
and do all that work again?

Yeah, seeing as I'm the one
who has to do all the work

and doesn't want water
filling up that trench,

I say we wait the
instructed amount of time.

What do you want
me to do with this?

Ah, just put it
back in the garage,

next to the paint can you
used to ruin my hoodie.

Uh, I'm gonna take a nap.

Wake me up when that, uh,
four hours is up, right?

Like I say, watch, watching
you fumble around, exhausting.

- All right, sleep tight.
- Yeah.

I don't
think that's gonna work

without water, hun.

Shit!

Got you, one with nature,

but you forgot, nature
doesn't play fair.

Please don't.

I, you and your father have
been ganging up on me all day.

Look, I love that you
two are getting along,

but I'm getting a
little sick of it.

I was gonna get Abe's SUV

and go, um, get
Max's kids' presents.

- Hm.
- So?

Okay, yeah.

Do you think we could, uh,

stop on the way
and get me a soda?

Dad offered me one earlier

and I've just been
really craving it.

Not a can, like a biggie
cup from the gas station?

I'm not gonna get cancer
from one sippy drink.

Sippy drink?

I read a study that
says carbonation

actually makes
your bones brittle.

So you're gonna have a bad
back just like your dad.

Show me an old man over 55
who doesn't have a bad back.

Fine, get yourself a soda,

maybe some beef jerky
while you're at it.

You can enjoy your
little dessert vacation

while you can, because
once we have kids,

that's it, it's over.

Wow. That's what you're gonna
be like when we have kids.

Okay, sweetie, whatever you say.

Don't say that either.

Don't say what?

Sweetie.

Your father calls me
that all of the time

and it makes me nauseous.

You ready?

And so you gotta
go around the beams

and then make like a
U-turn to the right,

and then it'll be off
in the corner there.

So like where you're standing?

Yep. Right about here.

Dammit.

You're gonna want
some goggles too.

You still afraid of spiders?

I'm not particularly
fond of them.

How about mice?

Yeah, you can't go in
there on your knees.

You ain't tall enough.

I remember.

What?

Nothing.

- What?
- Nothing!

Huh.

- Bless you!
- Shut up!

Oh!

Shit.

Here we go.

Okay, I'm turning it on!

- Is it on?
- Yeah!

- Okay. Wait there.
- What?

Well, if there's a leak,

you're gonna have to crawl
back in and turn it off.

Wait a minute. I'll look at it.

I was just
thinking, might wanna

take that mouse trap
bucket thing of yours

over to the shed.

I don't want 'em getting
into my, uh, chicken feed.

Ah, where's Isaac?

Oh, he's under
the house somewhere,

waiting for me to tell
him there's no leaks.

Good. Leave him there.

You know, it's gonna be nice

having everybody over this year.

I can't remember last
time that happened.

Dad, where
are you?

How about lights?

Yes, y- y- yellow jackets,

that's just what some folks
call the yellow wasps.

But I think that is
actually the term for them,

ones that live underground.

We don't get many of
those around here,

but, uh, but technically
they're all wasps.

But the hornets, now
hornets are bigger

and they also, their abdomens
are shaped different.

Like on a wasp, the, the,
the top of their abdomen

is, is rounded.

But on a, on a hornet,
straight line.

Tania!

Tania!

Wow, how do you know so much?

Oh, I just got a
couple extra trips

around the sun on ya
there, sweetheart.

And I may have, uh, dabbled
in beekeeping here and there.

Don't you dare!

Isaac!

What?

Looks good!

Good!

- Okay?
- Yeah.

You are covered in
all sorts of crap.

You think?

The
pipe looks good though.

Nice and dry.

Took you that long
to figure that out?

Well, I had to make sure.

You didn't
wanna go crawling

back in there again, did you?

The
cumulative amount of time

I would've spent re-fixing that
pipe would've been far less

than waiting on your dumb
ass to tell me it was-

Hey! Hey, knock
off the swearing.

Hey, you swear all the time.

Yeah, do as I say,
not as I do, son.

That's what
terrible parents always say.

Go and get cleaned
up. We're done for now.

I gotta go fill in that hole.

Nah, leave it overnight.

And if it springs a leak,
we'll see it in the morning.

Go on, get a shower.

What?

What do
you want for dinner?

What?

I said, what
do you want for dinner?

I'm gonna grab some.

Honey,
we're gonna gain

20 pounds this week if
we eat out every meal.

Well, do you wanna cook it?

Well, no.

Yeah, didn't
think so. What do you want?

Whatever dad
wants I'm fine with.

Abe said he wants
fried chicken.

Okay, get some fried chicken.

- Isaac!
- Just go.

You can have a bowl of
coleslaw if you feel guilty.

There's mayonnaise
in coleslaw!

Change your mind?

You don't
have any beer?

Oh, I never was
much of a drinker.

I always forget
about the sunsets out here.

They're pretty back home too,

but there's something
different about 'em out here.

Oh, hey, you remember
my friend Scott?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

And why?

Well, Scott liked beer.

Scott liked beer a lot.

And when his wife died, Scott
grew liking beer even more.

And Scott got so fat.

Really?

Oh, hell yeah.

Skinny Scott got, got
so fat.

Why don't you have
any kids, son?

Been married long
enough, got a good job.

What's going on?
You don't want any?

You c- you could
always adopt, you know?

Yeah, I wouldn't
mind having a little,

I don't know, African grandkid.

I, I'd love him just
like I would anyone else.

We'll see.

Hey, where you going?

Check on that
pipe one more time.

It's so much smaller
than I remember.

I'll say it.

Dear God, thank
you for this meal.

Please bless it to
nourish us. Amen.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Short prayer, right?

- Dad?
- Isaac, no problem.

I'm just saying it's
kinda short, that's all.

- And how's the salad?
- It's good.

Gonna be explosive
tonight, sweetheart.

Can we not say that?

Like I said, my manners
ain't been too good

since there ain't been
a woman in the house.

Too much gutter
talk at the table.

You're right. I'm
sorry, sweetie.

No. That.

Tania!

Isaac!

What?

Sweetie. Can you
stop calling me that?

Or sweetheart or any other
form of derogatory speech?

- Derogatory?
- Yes, derogatory.

Sweetheart?

It's belittling.

I- I- I don't understand.

It's, it's a
different world, Dad.

So w- what, is
it like sexist now

to, to call somebody a
nice name like sweetheart?

It's belittling.

Well, what am
I supposed to call you?

He's an old man.
Just leave him alone.

You could call me by
my name for starters.

Old man?

You, you know, it is just
like you Californians

to take a kindhearted
term of affection

and turn it into some
kinda pejorative.

That also.

Can you please stop
insulting my state?

Will your state's citizens

stop being an insult
to my country?

It's not 1940 anymore.

I don't wanna be called
sexist pet names.

Pet names are for pets.

I'm not a pet. Do
you understand me?

Yeah. Yeah, I understand ya.

Jesus, is that time of
the month or something?

What's with everybody?

- Dad!
- Cannot believe this.

- Oh my God.
- What?

I- I use a, a, a
term of affection

for my daughter-in-law
here and I'm the bad guy?

What, you ain't
gonna talk to me now?

Just gonna cry in your salad.

No one's crying.

No one's crying, Dad.

Well,
you could be crying

in some delicious fried
chicken right about now.

I don't eat chicken.

I don't eat any animal
product of any kind.

Honey!

Isaac, watch it.

That's a pet name. Derogatory.

I'm vegan, Abe. Oh!

And guess what, so is your son.

We're both vegans,

but he's too scared
to be honest with you,

so in spite of his beliefs,

he's eating fried
chicken with you.

Hey, we
talked about this.

God, Isaac, be honest!

Christ, be honest.

You haven't seen
your father in years

and you think he expects
you not to change at all.

We're vegan.

We are health conscious and
against cruelty to animals.

You know, that's the
problem with you vegans.

What?

You think I'm not.

You eat meat, don't you?

I do. And I eat eggs too.

But look at my
chickens out there.

That is the Taj Mahal
of chicken coops.

Ain't nobody live
better than they do.

And there's not any rooster
out there right now,

so w- w- when I
pick up their eggs,

it's not like I'm taking
their babies or nothing.

They produce 'em on
their own and I eat 'em.

And in return, I treat
them like queens.

If I gotta kill a rooster or
something, I make it quick.

I don't let 'em suffer.

You know why?

Because I, too, am against
cruelty to animals.

You are eating fried chicken.

Fried chicken from
chickens bred on a farm,

bred to be so fat
they can't even walk.

Well, you didn't want
one of my chickens.

I don't want any chickens!

There are so many things
to eat besides meat!

You didn't have any
stomach problems today, did you?

No, I didn't.

Because someone had to
lie about their beliefs

and I had to go along with it.

That's
not what I believe.

Yes, it is.

No, it's not.

I'm a vegan because
you are a vegan.

And I've tried desperately

to avoid these
stupid conversations,

so I went along with it.

But you have that
jumbled in your mind now

and you think that I bought
into your new age bullshit!

- But I never did.
- Don't swear at the table.

You said you feel
better when you eat vegan.

Of course I feel
better when I eat vegan.

How, shit, how can
you not feel better

when you're eating
that many vegetables?

Do not swear at this table!

Weren't you just talking
about explosive diarrhea

a second ago?

I don't care. I got a rule.

I'm a vegan because with you
veganism is more convenient.

That's it. That's all.

But guess what?

When I go to lunch
with the guys at work,

sometimes I'm not a vegan.

You are being such an asshole.

Yeah, sure,
I'm being an asshole.

You just yelled at
me to be honest!

Well, you know what?

Sometimes honesty isn't so nice!

The diet is not the
only fad of yours

that drives me nuts, trust me.

While you're on your
soapbox right now,

why don't you just
start listing off

all of the problems
you have with me?

Hey, it's been a long day.

We, we don't need to
do this right now.

I'm not going to. I'm done.

Well, I'm not.

You guys can make snide
little comments all you want,

but the second it
comes to real talk,

you tuck your tail
between your legs and run.

You didn't talk to your
own father for years

because you wanted to avoid
one uncomfortable conversation.

You had an image to uphold.

You wanted to keep appearances.

You just can't have a
single chink in your armor.

Yeah, well thank you

for waving our dirty laundry
in front of my father.

I really appreciate that.

What the hell is
she talking about?

Nothing, Dad, it's fine.

It's not fine.

If it was fine, we wouldn't
be having this conversation.

What are you talking about?

Go ahead.

What?

Go ahead.

What?

No.

If you don't tell him, I will.

God, can't you just leave it?

We're here, aren't we?

I'm here! I took
work off to be here!

We're eating dinner together
and you're ruining it!

He suspects something.
Just tell him.

Why are you pushing
me to do this right now?

Because I love you.

Well, then I don't
really have a choice.

Abe, the reason

your son couldn't make it
to your wife's funeral-

Tania, stop it!

He wasn't stuck in
the mountains in China.

Don't do this!

He was in the Pacific-

He was in the Pacific Palisades,

touring the house
of a big rockstar.

And he didn't have
the nerve to tell him

that he needed to fly out
and be with his family.

That his mother's funeral
was more important

than this stupid
beach house mansion

with gold records on the wall.

He couldn't be a man.

Not in front of a big
celebrity, he couldn't.

Son, is this true?

I didn't want him to go.

We almost got divorced
after that fight.

But eventually he came around

and he felt bad
about it for years.

He hasn't talked to you since.

Nor did he expect
a call from you.

Tell me you didn't.

Dad, I'm so sorry.

Who was it?

What?

The celebrity?

Robert Trujillo.

He's a bass player.

Are you never gonna
talk to me again?

Ain't like we
ever talked much before.

Dad, I thought it was a,
an important opportunity.

And what about your mother?

What about that opportunity?

What about the opportunity to,
to grieve with your family?

I didn't raise you
to be so selfish.

Selfish?

If I was selfish, I
would've told you already.

I was trying to
protect your feelings.

If you weren't selfish,

you would've come home
for your mother's funeral.

Doesn't matter what's
going on in your career.

Nothing, and I mean it, son,

nothing's more important
than your family.

Dad, it's,

it's more complicated than that.

No, it isn't.

Don't let any of those
soulless LA freaks

tell you any different.

Yeah, well, it's
not like you tried

that hard to get ahold of me!

Shows how much you
care about family.

Hello?

Oh, good, good.

That's perfect.

You not gonna stay
in a hotel tonight?

I thought
you'd be packing.

Did you want me to?

No.

I don't think we'll be
welcome back again though.

Not that I blame him.

This was supposed to
end happily, remember?

You know, one stupid mistake

shouldn't break
apart a whole family.

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that?

It was probably just
Abe getting some soda.

What?

I said it was probably
Abe just getting some soda.

Does your dad have a cat?

My dad hates cats.

- What if they found?
- Shh!

Are you calling the police?

No, you call the police.

- Who you calling?
- I'm calling my dad.

Come on, pick up.

I thought you were
gonna call the police.

What if it's
nothing? I don't know.

This is Abraham.
Leave a message.

Make it funny. I
might call you back.

I still hear footsteps.

Why didn't he pick up?

Why do you think
he didn't pick up?

Then again, he still
doesn't have caller ID.

Maybe he's asleep.

How could someone fall asleep

with the phone
ringing like that?

I don't know. Stop
asking stupid questions.

- What the?
- Get out there!

You get out there.

That is not my job.

Fine, you want me to
be a man? I'll be a man.

What are you doing?

No!

Yes.

No! I got pepper
spray in my purse.

Why don't you get
your pepper spray

and go out there and
see what happens?

What if they have guns?

What if it's nothing?

What if it's Max
dressed as Santa Claus,

he's putting presents
under the tree?

Well, if it looks like
Santa Claus, I won't shoot.

I think I'm having
a panic attack.

Stop it! You're giving me one.

Oh, please be careful.

Wait!

We still love each other, right?

I guess.

Good enough. Go ahead.

Oh, hi,
we have an emergency.

Shit!

What they take?

I don't know. I didn't
have time to look.

Not my TV.

Well, looks like they
got the big present

for Max's kids too.

Is it safe?

Yeah. Come on in.

Did you call the cops finally?

Well, they're on their way.

Oh, my back.

You didn't shoot
anyone, did you?

No.

You would've heard it.

You been surrounded

by a bunch of
liberals, does for you.

I hate guns.

You put install
locks on that list.

Yeah. Get another dog.

Hold me, you idiot.

You know, I was robbed once

when I first moved
out to the big city.

Working on finishing
my graduate degree,

I was living in that, that
crappy little apartment.

Some tweaker came in the window.

He took my computer
and my guitar.

At least you got
your stuff back.

Of course, it's not really
the stuff getting taken

that's scary, it's more the
feeling of vulnerability.

Why did you never tell your,
your mom and me about this?

I guess I just
didn't wanna worry you.

When was the last
time you mopped?

Oh, hell, I don't remember.

You know, I'm glad they
didn't put a crack in the TV.

That would've been
a real tragedy.

Hey, Dad?

Yeah.

I'm sorry that I didn't
come to Mom's funeral.

The truth is, I.

The truth is, I couldn't
stand to be here.

I- I couldn't stand to
be here without her.

I thought that if I,

if I just stayed busy,

kept living my life,

if I didn't

acknowledge that she
was, you know,

that she was gone,

thought it would be easier.

We all make mistakes, kid.

I've had plenty of time
to think about mine.

I should have called.

I know we don't really
say this in our family,

but I.

I love you too, son.

Come on! Ooh!

Should we tell him?

It would make his
day a lot better.

Nah, let's keep with the plan.

Save it for Christmas
Eve when everyone's here.

Mm.

Taj Mahal of chicken
coops, my ass!

Ooh.

Oh, I almost
forgot to tell you.

What?

- Dad gave me a gun.
- Not funny.

- It's true.
- Not funny.

No one's joking.

You know that
hillbilly thing I said?

Yeah, I don't want that
version of you back.

Well, he's coming back,
whether you like it or not.

Where'd that MAGA sweatshirt
go? It's chilly out.

- You are-
- I don't know

if it was that phone call

or another one that came later,

but at some point my
father was informed

that a curious intern
had noticed something odd

about the x-rays taken
before his back surgery.

After some tests, my
father was diagnosed

with a terminal cancer.

He lived just long enough

to be able to hold
his newborn grandson.

He didn't ever wanna let him go,

but eventually he had no choice.

Sorry, I'm coming.

I just got distracted.

It's okay.

He was getting fussy, so I
just put him down on the bed.

And Max hasn't even
gotten the truck yet,

so we've got some time.

What are we gonna
do with his chickens?

I don't know.

I think your father's
gonna have us eat them

in his honor or something.

Do you remember
when you were vegan?

I still am.

I often wonder how
long someone can be vegan

and not realize gelatin
is an animal product.

Shut up.

Where you going?

Check on my son.

Hm!

I love you.