Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,052 --> 00:00:05,236
JUST FOR THE RECORD,
2
00:00:05,304 --> 00:00:06,187
YOU'RE NOT PUTTING
THAT RIDICULOUS
3
00:00:06,255 --> 00:00:08,022
AIR FRESHENER
IN OUR CAR.
4
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:09,991
MM. SOUNDS LIKE
SOMEONE WISHES
5
00:00:10,058 --> 00:00:13,294
THEY WERE HALF-NAKED
AND SMELLED LIKE VANILLA.
6
00:00:14,580 --> 00:00:15,363
OH, GREAT. THEY'RE DOING
THE HUBCAPS.
7
00:00:15,431 --> 00:00:17,482
NOW I GOTTA GIVE THE GUY
AN EXTRA DOLLAR.
8
00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:20,852
HEY, WHO DO YOU THINK'S
DRIVING THE, UH-
9
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,871
THE SILVER TOYOTA?
10
00:00:22,938 --> 00:00:24,305
WHAT?
11
00:00:24,373 --> 00:00:25,306
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WITH THE LICENSE PLATE
12
00:00:25,374 --> 00:00:28,142
THAT SAYS "SEXY 4 U".
UM...
13
00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:29,494
I DON'T KNOW,
I'M GONNA GO
14
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:31,329
WITH THE STREETWALKER
OVER THERE.
15
00:00:31,397 --> 00:00:34,249
COULD BE. COULD BE.
16
00:00:34,317 --> 00:00:36,651
I'M GONNA SAY SOMETHING
A LITTLE UNORTHODOX.
17
00:00:36,719 --> 00:00:38,086
AND GO WITH THE CHINESE COUPLE
RIGHT THERE.
18
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:42,523
WHAT?
YOU'RE CRAZY.
19
00:00:42,591 --> 00:00:44,525
WANNA MAKE IT INTERESTING?
20
00:00:44,593 --> 00:00:46,761
ALL RIGHT.
10 BUCKS.
21
00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:48,063
OK. WHAT KINDA ODDS
YOU GONNA GIVE ME?
22
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:49,430
ODDS?
23
00:00:49,498 --> 00:00:52,067
I'M TAKING
THE CHINESE COUPLE.
24
00:00:52,134 --> 00:00:53,735
2- TO-1.
25
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:56,120
YOU'RE ON.
26
00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:57,655
ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.
27
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:01,492
DAMN IT!
28
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,495
I WAS GONNA SAY
MR. SPACELY.
29
00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:06,097
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
30
00:01:06,165 --> 00:01:07,348
WE'RE UP.
31
00:01:55,831 --> 00:01:57,966
YO. IS THE TRI-TIP
DONE YET?
32
00:01:58,033 --> 00:01:59,033
HEY, MAN. WHOA, WHOA!
33
00:01:59,101 --> 00:01:59,951
YOU DON'T OPEN A SMOKER
34
00:02:00,102 --> 00:02:01,035
WHILE IT'S STILL SMOKING.
35
00:02:01,103 --> 00:02:03,270
WHAT ARE YOU,
SOME KINDA ANIMAL?
36
00:02:03,338 --> 00:02:04,156
YOU PUT IT IN, LIKE,
WEDNESDAY.
37
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:05,390
YOU SURE
IT'S EVEN WORKING?
38
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,441
UH, I THINK I KNOW
39
00:02:06,509 --> 00:02:08,276
IF MY SMOKER'S WORKING
OR NOT, OK?
40
00:02:08,343 --> 00:02:10,244
YEAH, GUY,
IT'S ACTUALLY COLD.
41
00:02:11,814 --> 00:02:13,131
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HOPE YOU LIKE COLE SLAW,
44
00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:23,541
BUT IT'S COMING ALONG.
IT'S COMING ALONG.
45
00:02:23,609 --> 00:02:25,377
WHAT ARE YOU DRAWING
THERE, SWEETIE?
46
00:02:25,444 --> 00:02:28,180
UNCLE DOUG EATING A CARROT.
47
00:02:28,247 --> 00:02:30,382
A CARROT. HMM.
48
00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:32,217
YOU HAVE SUCH A GOOD
IMAGINATION.
49
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:36,704
COME ON, MAN. YOU'RE
HITTING THOSE APPLETINIS
50
00:02:36,772 --> 00:02:38,205
A LITTLE HARD.
51
00:02:38,273 --> 00:02:39,874
THIS IS A VIRGIN APPLETINI.
52
00:02:39,941 --> 00:02:43,578
THIS IS BASICALLY
A JUICE BOX IN A GLASS.
53
00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:47,498
WHAT'S WITH THE HOBBIT?
54
00:02:50,102 --> 00:02:53,555
AH, HE LOST HIS JOB
A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.
55
00:02:53,622 --> 00:02:55,156
AW, DON'T FEEL
TOO BAD, SON.
56
00:02:55,224 --> 00:02:57,092
YOU KNOW HOW MANY
JOBS I LOST IN MY LIFE?
57
00:02:57,159 --> 00:02:59,160
76.
58
00:02:59,228 --> 00:03:02,581
BUT WORKING IN THE SUBWAY
IS ALL I'VE EVER KNOWN.
59
00:03:02,648 --> 00:03:04,382
NOW I FEEL LIKE...
I DON'T KNOW,
60
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,218
I- I HAVE NO PURPOSE
IN LIFE.
61
00:03:08,504 --> 00:03:09,937
HARD TO ARGUE WITH THAT.
62
00:03:12,741 --> 00:03:14,375
IS THE FOOD ALMOST READY?
EVERYBODY'S STARVING.
63
00:03:14,443 --> 00:03:16,511
YEAH. IT'S COMING,
OK?
64
00:03:16,578 --> 00:03:18,980
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A PERFECTLY
GOOD BARBECUE RIGHT THERE.
65
00:03:19,048 --> 00:03:22,100
OK, YOU WANNA
CHECK THE ATTITUDE?
66
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:23,168
'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU KNOW THIS,
67
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:24,302
BUT SMOKED MEAT
IS A PRIVILEGE.
68
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,370
IT'S NOT A RIGHT,
OK?
69
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:26,938
YOU WANNA LOSE
THAT PRIVILEGE? HUH?
70
00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:28,789
HEY, ANYBODY ELSE HERE GOT
A PROBLEM WITH MY SMOKER?
71
00:03:28,857 --> 00:03:29,858
SERIOUSLY... OK?
72
00:03:29,925 --> 00:03:31,092
'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA
HEAR IT.
73
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,928
GOOD TO SEE
EVERYBODY, THOUGH.
74
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,062
HEY, HONEY.
75
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,831
HEY, BABY.
76
00:03:36,899 --> 00:03:38,199
UH, WHERE'S KIRBY?
77
00:03:38,266 --> 00:03:40,301
WHAT? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO
PICK HIM UP AT THE REC CENTER.
78
00:03:40,369 --> 00:03:42,136
NO, DIDN'T YOU GET MY MESSAGE?
I SAID YOU HAD TO GET HIM
79
00:03:42,204 --> 00:03:43,137
'CAUSE I WAS BRINGING
THE ICE CREAM,
80
00:03:43,205 --> 00:03:44,271
I DIDN'T WANT IT
TO MELT.
81
00:03:44,339 --> 00:03:45,973
I DIDN'T CHECK
MY VOICEMAIL.
82
00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:47,008
THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE IT IF
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CHECK IT?
83
00:03:47,076 --> 00:03:48,576
YOU KNOW, KELLY, EVER
SINCE YOU STARTED WORKING-
84
00:03:48,643 --> 00:03:50,277
OH, DON'T YOU EVEN
START WITH ME-
85
00:03:50,345 --> 00:03:51,730
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS...
86
00:03:51,797 --> 00:03:53,598
I'LL GO PICK UP KIRBY,
OK?
87
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,016
OH, SPENCE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
88
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:57,902
NO, SERIOUSLY.
I'D BE HAPPY TO.
89
00:03:57,970 --> 00:04:01,138
GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO
PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD.
90
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,625
THANKS, MAN. COME ON.
91
00:04:09,364 --> 00:04:11,632
I MADE THIS FOR YOU,
ARTHUR.
92
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,686
OH, WHAT A THOUGHTFUL
YOUNG MAN.
93
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:15,687
WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?
94
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,288
SOME KIND OF MONSTER?
95
00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:18,572
NO, IT'S YOU.
96
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:24,129
DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB,
PICASSO!
97
00:04:29,401 --> 00:04:33,054
AW, THERE'S MY
HANDSOME SON-IN-LAW.
98
00:04:33,122 --> 00:04:34,856
I'M NOT LENDING YOU
ANY MONEY, ARTHUR.
99
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:37,408
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I'M NOT ASKING FOR A LOAN.
100
00:04:37,476 --> 00:04:41,095
THIS WOULD BE
AN OUTRIGHT GIFT.
101
00:04:41,163 --> 00:04:43,264
WHA-WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
102
00:04:43,331 --> 00:04:45,116
I WANT BRACES.
103
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,489
YOU MEAN... FOR YOUR LEGS?
104
00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:53,057
NO, MY TEETH.
105
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:56,110
MAJOR'S PICTURE OF ME
WAS A WAKE-UP CALL.
106
00:04:56,178 --> 00:04:58,730
ARTHUR, THIS LOOKS
NOTHING LIKE YOU.
107
00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:00,832
EXCEPT FOR MAYBE
THE MONKEY HANDS.
108
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,099
OH, PLEASE.
ALL MY LIFE
109
00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:03,601
I'VE BEEN ASHAMED
OF MY TEETH.
110
00:05:03,669 --> 00:05:04,852
IT'S WHAT'S
HELD ME BACK.
111
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:05,953
YEAH, IT WAS THE TEETH,
112
00:05:06,021 --> 00:05:07,572
NOT THE VIOLENT OUTBURSTS.
YEAH.
113
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:11,042
MY ORTHODONTIST SAID I WOULD
ONLY HAVE TO WEAR THE BRACES
114
00:05:11,109 --> 00:05:13,244
2 TO 3 YEARS, AND THEN
I'LL BE A NEW MAN.
115
00:05:13,311 --> 00:05:15,180
I'D FINALLY BE ABLE
TO APPROACH A WOMAN
116
00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:18,883
WITHOUT COQUETTISHLY
WAVING A FAN OVER MY MOUTH.
117
00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:21,219
ARTHUR, YOUR TEETH
ARE FINE.
118
00:05:21,286 --> 00:05:23,871
DOUGLAS, YOUR DEEP
AFFECTION FOR ME
119
00:05:23,939 --> 00:05:26,040
HAS BLINDED YOU TO THE TRUTH.
120
00:05:27,242 --> 00:05:30,979
LOOK AT THESE
"BEFORE" PICTURES.
121
00:05:31,046 --> 00:05:33,414
THIS IS AN EXTREME CLOSE-UP
OF MY UPPER MOUTH.
122
00:05:33,482 --> 00:05:35,767
OH, GOD, PUT THAT
AWAY!
123
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,468
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?
124
00:05:37,536 --> 00:05:39,370
FOR ONLY $3,200,
125
00:05:39,438 --> 00:05:42,507
I'LL BE ABLE TO GET
A MILLION DOLLAR SMILE.
126
00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:44,826
$3,200, THAT'S ALL?
127
00:05:44,893 --> 00:05:47,061
YOU KNOW WHAT, UH, LET ME
JUST PERUSE THE BROCHURE,
128
00:05:47,128 --> 00:05:48,596
YOU KNOW, I'LL CRUNCH
SOME NUMBERS TOGETHER,
129
00:05:48,664 --> 00:05:51,332
AND I'LL, UH
- I'LL GET BACK TO YOU ASAP, ALL RIGHT?
130
00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:52,850
THANK YOU, DOUGLAS.
131
00:05:52,918 --> 00:05:54,753
SLAP IT HIGH!
YO!
132
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:04,078
HEY, BABY.
133
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,347
HI, HONEY.
134
00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,466
WOW. WHAT SMELLS
SO GOOD?
135
00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:10,802
DO NOT TOUCH
THIS DISH,
136
00:06:10,869 --> 00:06:12,670
IT IS EXTREMELY HOT.
137
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:14,589
OH, HEY, DEAC.
WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?
138
00:06:14,657 --> 00:06:17,024
UM... A BEER?
139
00:06:17,092 --> 00:06:18,843
COMING RIGHT UP.
140
00:06:20,595 --> 00:06:23,698
WHY-WHY IS MY FRIEND
HERE WEARING AN APRON?
141
00:06:23,765 --> 00:06:25,233
WE AGREED WE NEEDED
SOME HELP,
142
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,101
SO I HIRED SPENCE.
143
00:06:28,854 --> 00:06:31,689
SO, SPENCE IS NOW
OUR-OUR MAID?
144
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:34,242
NO, NO. HE'S MORE
OF A HOUSEBOY.
145
00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:36,527
HE'S A GOOD COOK,
146
00:06:36,679 --> 00:06:37,745
HE'S GREAT
WITH THE KIDS,
147
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:39,480
AND HE WAS SO
DESPERATE, I GOT HIM
148
00:06:39,548 --> 00:06:41,849
FOR PRACTICALLY
NOTHING.
149
00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,701
HERE YOU GO, BIG GUY.
150
00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:45,136
UH, THANKS, MAN.
151
00:06:45,203 --> 00:06:47,988
FROSTED GLASS.
152
00:06:48,056 --> 00:06:49,056
NICE TOUCH.
153
00:06:49,124 --> 00:06:51,275
I KNOW THAT'S
HOW YOU LIKED IT.
154
00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:54,612
I...
155
00:06:54,679 --> 00:06:55,997
GOT MYSELF
A HOUSEBOY.
156
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:57,065
HA HA HA!
157
00:06:57,132 --> 00:06:58,799
AHH...
158
00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:02,002
IF ONLY MY GRANDPA
WERE ALIVE TO SEE THIS.
159
00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:05,606
SIT... SIT.
160
00:07:05,674 --> 00:07:07,275
SIT. SIT-SIT. SIT.
161
00:07:07,342 --> 00:07:08,976
SIT. SIT.
162
00:07:09,044 --> 00:07:09,977
OK, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
163
00:07:10,045 --> 00:07:13,631
JUST TRAINING
MY VIRTUAL DOG.
164
00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:17,167
SIT. SIT-HEY,
DON'T YOU GROWL AT ME.
165
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:19,286
HONEY, I GOTTA TALK TO
YOU FOR A SECOND, OK?
166
00:07:19,354 --> 00:07:21,388
ONE SECOND, LET ME JUST HIT HIM
WITH A VIRTUAL NEWSPAPER HERE.
167
00:07:21,456 --> 00:07:23,458
COME ON! BAD-
OOH, KILLED HIM.
168
00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:25,859
OK, WHAT'S UP?
169
00:07:25,928 --> 00:07:28,695
UH, YOU KNOW MY DAD TALKED
TO ME ABOUT THE BRACES.
170
00:07:28,764 --> 00:07:30,815
BRACES. I GOTTA SAY, ONE
THING ABOUT YOUR FATHER
171
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:32,517
IS HE'S NEVER BORING.
172
00:07:32,584 --> 00:07:35,319
ACTUALLY, HE'S ALWAYS BORING,
BUT THAT WAS FUNNY!
173
00:07:35,387 --> 00:07:38,172
ACTUALLY, I-I
KINDA TOLD HIM
174
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,506
THAT HE CAN GET 'EM.
175
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,410
WHAT? CAR-ARE YOU CRAZY?
176
00:07:43,478 --> 00:07:44,529
WHAT, DOUG? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?
177
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:45,996
HE REALLY WANTED
THEM.
178
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:47,598
HE WANTS A LOT OF THINGS!
179
00:07:47,666 --> 00:07:51,202
HE WANTS A HELICOPTER, HE WANTS
ME TO BANKROLL HIS MUFFIN SHOP.
180
00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:53,338
COME ON, NOW.
YOU CAN SAY NO YOU KNOW.
181
00:07:53,405 --> 00:07:55,239
THAT'S HOW YOU KEEP
FROM SPOILING HIM.
182
00:07:55,307 --> 00:07:56,173
JEEZ.
LOOK, DOUG,
183
00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:57,709
I KNOW IT'S
EXPENSIVE,
184
00:07:57,776 --> 00:07:59,377
OK, BUT I THINK
IT'LL REALLY HELP
185
00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:01,479
HIS SELF-ESTEEM
DOWN THE ROAD.
186
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,981
DOWN THE ROAD?
187
00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:07,785
CAR, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU KNOW THIS,
188
00:08:07,853 --> 00:08:11,121
BUT HIS EXIT'S COMING UP PRETTY QUICK.
189
00:08:11,189 --> 00:08:14,725
OK, IF I WAS HIM, I'D GET
INTO THE RIGHT LANE ABOUT NOW.
190
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:16,443
OK, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT IS RIDICULOUS,
191
00:08:16,511 --> 00:08:18,713
BUT HE'S MY FATHER.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM
192
00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:20,047
IT'S TOO LATE
TO GET BRACES?
193
00:08:20,115 --> 00:08:21,749
EASY, YOU JUST SAY, "LOOK,
WE'RE NOT GETTING YOU BRACES
194
00:08:21,817 --> 00:08:22,934
"FOR THE SAME REASON
WE DON'T GET YOU
195
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,869
"THE BIG BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO AT COSTCO.
196
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,503
BECAUSE TIME'S NOT
EXACTLY ON YOUR SIDE."
197
00:08:29,074 --> 00:08:31,342
THERE'S THE GUY.
198
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,344
DAD, HE DIDN'T MEAN-
199
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,995
NO, NO. HE'S ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT.
200
00:08:35,063 --> 00:08:37,548
FOR A SECOND THERE I
THOUGHT I HAD A FUTURE.
201
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:39,684
THANK YOU, DOUGLAS,
FOR SETTING STRAIGHT
202
00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:41,819
A FOOLISH OLD MAN.
203
00:08:41,887 --> 00:08:44,105
NO PROBLEM.
204
00:08:49,661 --> 00:08:52,513
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?
205
00:09:23,945 --> 00:09:26,046
HELLO? YEAH-
206
00:09:26,114 --> 00:09:28,116
DANNY, I TOLD YOU
NOT TO CALL ME HERE
207
00:09:28,183 --> 00:09:29,117
WHEN I'M WORKING.
208
00:09:29,184 --> 00:09:30,718
YEAH, WELL-
209
00:09:30,785 --> 00:09:32,520
I'M NOT JUMPING
DOWN YOUR THROAT,
210
00:09:32,587 --> 00:09:34,055
I'M JUST ASKING FOR A
LITTLE CONSIDERATION.
211
00:09:34,123 --> 00:09:35,656
ALL RIGHT-NO.
YOU KNOW? WE-
212
00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:37,725
WE WILL TALK
- WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER.
213
00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:39,293
ALL RIGHT? GOOD-BYE!
214
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,011
WAS THAT YOUR WIFE?
215
00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:43,531
NO, JUST...
216
00:09:43,598 --> 00:09:47,402
THE MOST EXASPERATING
MAN IN THE WORLD.
217
00:09:47,469 --> 00:09:49,687
OH.
218
00:09:49,754 --> 00:09:51,355
DON'T YOU GUYS WORRY,
OK?
219
00:09:51,422 --> 00:09:54,992
I'M-I'M GONNA BE HERE
FOR A LONG TIME.
220
00:10:57,556 --> 00:10:58,772
CAN I INTEREST YOU
IN SOME OF MY...
221
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,559
HUEVOS RANCHEROS?
222
00:11:04,462 --> 00:11:06,463
I'M GOOD.
223
00:11:06,531 --> 00:11:09,650
STOP STARING AT HIS MOUTH.
224
00:11:09,718 --> 00:11:11,669
I CAN'T, CARRIE. IT
LOOKS LIKE HE ATE A BIRD.
225
00:11:14,339 --> 00:11:16,456
BY THE BY, DOUGLAS,
226
00:11:16,524 --> 00:11:18,159
COULD YOU FLOAT ME
$50?
227
00:11:18,226 --> 00:11:21,561
I'LL GIVE YOU 20
TO FACE THE OTHER DIRECTION.
228
00:11:21,629 --> 00:11:23,380
WHAT DO YOU NEED
THE MONEY FOR, DAD?
229
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:24,832
FOR THIS
APPLICATION.
230
00:11:24,899 --> 00:11:27,368
IN THE SPIRIT OF THE
NEW AND IMPROVED ME,
231
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,236
I'VE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
232
00:11:29,304 --> 00:11:31,505
REALLY?
233
00:11:31,573 --> 00:11:33,674
THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS?
234
00:11:33,742 --> 00:11:35,676
OK, THAT'S NICE,
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE
235
00:11:35,744 --> 00:11:39,179
YOU COULD TAKE CLASSES AT QUEENSBOROUGH
COMMUNITY COLLEGE FOR FREE.
236
00:11:39,247 --> 00:11:41,215
WAS QUEENSBOROUGH NAMED
237
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:43,450
THE NUMBER ONE PARTY SCHOOL IN AMERICA?
238
00:11:43,518 --> 00:11:45,519
I DON'T THINK SO.
239
00:11:45,586 --> 00:11:47,788
ARTHUR, YOU JUST
GOT BRACES.
240
00:11:47,856 --> 00:11:50,324
I'M NOT PAYING FOR YOU
TO GO AWAY TO COLLEGE, OK?
241
00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:51,642
REALLY?
242
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:54,144
IS IT BECAUSE I'M TOO OLD TO FINISH
243
00:11:54,212 --> 00:11:57,080
A BOTTLE
OF SHAMPOO?
244
00:11:57,148 --> 00:12:00,767
WHY DON'T YOU TRY STARTING
A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO?
245
00:12:00,835 --> 00:12:02,536
CORN MEAL
WORKS BETTER
246
00:12:02,604 --> 00:12:03,704
AT HALF THE PRICE!
ALL RIGHT.
247
00:12:03,772 --> 00:12:05,022
ALL RIGHT.
248
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:06,390
DAD, LET ME
LOOK THIS OVER, OK?
249
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:07,892
I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.
250
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,710
GREAT. FYI,
SAN DIEGO STATE
251
00:12:09,777 --> 00:12:10,611
IS MY SAFETY SCHOOL.
252
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,953
HA HA HA!
253
00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:21,222
HEY, CHECK THIS OUT,
MAN.
254
00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:23,224
SPENCE MADE ME A PANINI
SANDWICH, AND LOOK.
255
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:26,827
HE TOASTED MY INITIALS INTO THE BREAD.
256
00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:28,762
THAT'S GREAT. I'M GLAD THINGS
ARE WORKING OUT WELL FOR YOU.
257
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:30,248
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
258
00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,232
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
259
00:12:31,299 --> 00:12:33,100
THAT I'M OUT ALMOST 4 GRAND
AND THIS WEEKEND
260
00:12:33,168 --> 00:12:34,568
I'VE GOT TO TAKE
AN 80-YEAR-OLD MAN
261
00:12:34,636 --> 00:12:36,303
ON A TOUR OF RUTGERS.
262
00:12:36,371 --> 00:12:37,571
YOU KNOW WHAT,
263
00:12:37,638 --> 00:12:39,974
MY HOUSEBOY SURE KNOWS
HIS WAY AROUND A SANDWICH.
264
00:12:40,041 --> 00:12:42,376
YOU KNOW, THIS IS ALL
YOUR KID'S FAULT
265
00:12:42,444 --> 00:12:44,378
FOR DRAWING THAT STUPID
PICTURE OF ARTHUR.
266
00:12:44,446 --> 00:12:47,715
WHY CAN'T HE JUST EAT HIS
CRAYONS LIKE I USED TO?
267
00:12:47,783 --> 00:12:50,951
WELL, SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK
OUT FOR YOU LIKE IT DID FOR ME.
268
00:12:51,018 --> 00:12:52,653
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
269
00:12:52,721 --> 00:12:54,672
WELL, A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO
HE MADE A PICTURE OF KELLY.
270
00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:57,975
TO DRAW HER BUTT,
HE TRACED A PAINT CAN.
271
00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,277
SHE TOOK ONE LOOK AT THAT
272
00:12:59,344 --> 00:13:01,845
AND STARTED HITTIN'
THE TREADMILL IN A BIG WAY.
273
00:13:01,913 --> 00:13:03,397
REALLY?
274
00:13:03,465 --> 00:13:06,184
GOD IS GOOD, BRO.
275
00:13:06,251 --> 00:13:09,053
YOU THINK MAJOR WOULD
DRAW A PICTURE OF CARRIE?
276
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,837
WHAT FOR? SHE DOESN'T
NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.
277
00:13:10,905 --> 00:13:13,490
OH, I KNOW, BUT THERE
ARE OTHER IMPROVEMENTS
278
00:13:13,558 --> 00:13:16,093
THAT, YOU KNOW...
HMM?
279
00:13:19,881 --> 00:13:21,899
EVEN SMALLER.
YOU GOTTA MAKE THEM SMALLER.
280
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,067
BUT THAT'S
HOW SHE LOOKS.
281
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,184
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT,
GIVE ME THIS. HERE.
282
00:13:24,252 --> 00:13:25,970
OK? THERE YOU GO.
283
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:28,205
NOW, SIGN THE BOTTOM.
SIGN IT. JUST SIGN IT.
284
00:13:28,272 --> 00:13:30,290
I'M TRYING TO HAVE A ROMANTIC
DINNER FOR DEACON AND KELLY.
285
00:13:30,358 --> 00:13:32,426
HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN
IN BED A HALF HOUR AGO.
286
00:13:32,494 --> 00:13:34,144
COOL YOUR JETS,
HAZEL.
287
00:13:34,212 --> 00:13:36,463
OK.
288
00:13:36,531 --> 00:13:38,332
HA HA!
289
00:13:38,399 --> 00:13:40,501
WHY DOES CARRIE HAVE
THE BODY OF A BOY?
290
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:41,151
I COULD ASK YOU
THE SAME THING.
291
00:13:43,287 --> 00:13:45,272
THAT SMELLS GOOD. COULD YOU
GET ME A LITTLE OF THAT TO GO?
292
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:49,260
UH, NOT UNTIL YOU
START PAYING ME 5.50 AN HOUR.
293
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:55,182
SO, UH, HOW WAS
THE BRUSCHETTA?
294
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,318
OH, IT'S GREAT.
YUMMY.
295
00:13:57,385 --> 00:13:58,902
NOT TOO OILY?
296
00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:01,489
WELL,
MAYBE A LITTLE.
297
00:14:01,556 --> 00:14:03,324
STUPID!
298
00:14:04,392 --> 00:14:07,928
THAT'S THE SHRIMP
FRA DIABLO.
299
00:14:07,996 --> 00:14:09,763
I WILL NOT MAKE
THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.
300
00:14:11,132 --> 00:14:13,233
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
MAKE HIM FEEL BAD.
301
00:14:13,301 --> 00:14:14,919
DID YOU NOT HEAR ME RAVE
ABOUT THE STUFFED MUSHROOMS?
302
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:16,453
COME ON.
303
00:14:19,174 --> 00:14:21,241
HEY, DANNY, WE'RE KINDA
IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER.
304
00:14:21,309 --> 00:14:22,843
YEAH, THIS WON'T
TAKE LONG.
305
00:14:24,979 --> 00:14:27,080
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
306
00:14:27,148 --> 00:14:28,249
YOU BLOCK MY CALLS,
307
00:14:28,316 --> 00:14:29,850
MY TEXT MESSAGES BOUNCE
BACK TO ME.
308
00:14:29,917 --> 00:14:30,917
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO?
309
00:14:30,985 --> 00:14:32,552
WELL, YOU DON'T COME
TO WHERE I WORK.
310
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,321
THE PALMERS ARE TRYING
TO HAVE THEIR DINNER.
311
00:14:34,389 --> 00:14:36,540
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I GET
WHEN MY ASTHMA ACTS UP.
312
00:14:36,608 --> 00:14:37,858
OH, I GUESS
THAT'S MY FAULT.
313
00:14:37,926 --> 00:14:39,460
IT IS WHEN YOU BORROW
MY VACUUM CLEANER
314
00:14:39,527 --> 00:14:41,462
WITH THE HEPA FILTER.
315
00:14:41,529 --> 00:14:42,762
UH, SPENCE IF YOU'D LIKE
316
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:44,764
TO TAKE YOUR 15 MINUTE
DINNER BREAK RIGHT NOW-
317
00:14:44,816 --> 00:14:46,283
NO, NO. I WILL TAKE
MY DINNER BREAK
318
00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:49,019
WHEN THE DISHES ARE DONE
AND I'VE RUN YOUR BATH.
319
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,821
WHAT ABOUT MY BATH, HUH?
320
00:14:50,888 --> 00:14:53,190
OH. OH, I SEE
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
321
00:14:53,258 --> 00:14:54,724
THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME WORKING.
322
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,726
THIS IS ABOUT ME NOT WAITING
ON YOU HAND AND FOOT.
323
00:14:56,794 --> 00:14:59,079
NO, IT'S ABOUT YOU NOT
DOING YOUR PART AT HOME.
324
00:14:59,147 --> 00:15:01,615
YOU HAVEN'T COOKED ME A
HOT MEAL IN OVER 2 WEEKS!
325
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:02,916
OH, I-I-
326
00:15:02,984 --> 00:15:03,984
OK, FINE.
327
00:15:04,052 --> 00:15:05,085
YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE.
328
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:08,622
HERE'S SOME SHRIMP,
SOME GARLIC BREAD,
329
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,592
AGED PEPPERINO.
330
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,893
SIT. SIT DOWN.
331
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,077
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT,
WE'RE GONNA GO TO BED.
332
00:15:14,196 --> 00:15:15,128
WE GOT TO GET UP
EARLY, SO-
333
00:15:15,197 --> 00:15:16,397
REALLY TIRED.
FINE.
334
00:15:16,464 --> 00:15:18,031
OH. ALL RIGHT.
335
00:15:19,534 --> 00:15:22,802
WORK MY FINGERS
TO THE BONE.
336
00:15:28,026 --> 00:15:29,593
HMM.
337
00:15:29,661 --> 00:15:30,961
WHAT?
338
00:15:31,029 --> 00:15:32,513
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO SAY?
339
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:34,915
DELICIOUS.
340
00:15:36,717 --> 00:15:38,218
IT'S NOT TOO OILY?
341
00:15:38,286 --> 00:15:39,903
A LITTLE.
342
00:15:39,971 --> 00:15:43,340
BUT YOU KNOW THAT'S
HOW I LIKE IT.
343
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:58,171
HEY, BABE.
HEY.
344
00:15:58,239 --> 00:15:59,172
HOW'S IT GOING?
345
00:16:00,509 --> 00:16:02,609
YOU KNOW WHAT SOME GUY SAID
ON THE PHONE TO ME TODAY?
346
00:16:02,677 --> 00:16:05,045
"WHAT COUNTRY
ARE YOU FROM?"
347
00:16:05,112 --> 00:16:08,381
DO I NOT SOUND
AMERICAN?
348
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,584
THAT'S CRAZY.
THAT'S CRAZY.
349
00:16:13,822 --> 00:16:16,156
COULD YOU GET ME SOMETHING
OUT OF THE FRIDGE?
350
00:16:16,224 --> 00:16:18,025
WHAT DO YOU NEED,
HONEY?
351
00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:21,394
A... RELISH.
352
00:16:21,462 --> 00:16:22,579
WHAT FOR?
353
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:24,465
I JUST FORGOT
WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE.
354
00:16:24,532 --> 00:16:26,800
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
355
00:16:26,867 --> 00:16:29,170
NOT FOR THE LIFE
OF ME, YOU KNOW.
356
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,141
WHAT'S THAT?
357
00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:35,693
OH, YEAH.
358
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,729
MAJOR FELT BAD THAT, UH, HE
DIDN'T DRAW YOU AT THE BARBECUE,
359
00:16:38,796 --> 00:16:42,899
SO... THERE YOU ARE.
360
00:16:44,402 --> 00:16:46,770
WELL, ENJOY YOUR TRIP
DOWN MEMORY LANE.
361
00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:48,271
THANK YOU.
362
00:16:49,707 --> 00:16:51,959
SO I SAY TO THE GUY,
"IF I DON'T SOUND AMERICAN"-
363
00:16:52,026 --> 00:16:54,662
MAN, HE'S GOT SOME
SKILLS, TOO, DOESN'T HE?
364
00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:56,813
LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU.
365
00:16:58,766 --> 00:17:02,036
EXACTLY LIKE ME?
I LOOK LIKE A LITTLE BOY.
366
00:17:03,104 --> 00:17:04,104
OH, MY GOD.
I JUST...
367
00:17:04,172 --> 00:17:05,205
TOTALLY PUT MY FOOT
IN MY MOUTH.
368
00:17:05,273 --> 00:17:07,291
I'M SORRY.
369
00:17:07,358 --> 00:17:08,759
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
370
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,577
'CAUSE I JUST SAID IT
LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE YOU,
371
00:17:10,645 --> 00:17:12,613
AND YOU SAID IT LOOKS
LIKE A LITTLE BOY.
372
00:17:12,681 --> 00:17:15,081
WHICH MEANS YOU LOOK
LIKE A LITTLE BOY.
373
00:17:15,149 --> 00:17:17,784
WHATEVER. I'M GONNA GO
TAKE A SHOWER.
374
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:27,962
CARRIE, I'M SO SORRY
ABOUT ALL THIS.
375
00:17:28,029 --> 00:17:29,062
ABOUT WHAT?
376
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,098
THE PICTURE
THAT MAJOR DREW OF YOU.
377
00:17:31,165 --> 00:17:32,800
I SEE HOW UPSET YOU ARE.
378
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:35,669
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE HE JUST DOESN'T
CARE WHO HE HURTS, THIS LITTLE GUY.
379
00:17:35,737 --> 00:17:37,388
I'M FINE WITH IT.
380
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,756
HMM. NO, YOU'RE NOT.
381
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,624
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT YOU ARE.
382
00:17:40,692 --> 00:17:42,960
YOU'RE BRAVE.
383
00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:49,549
HMM.
384
00:17:49,617 --> 00:17:51,051
WHAT-WHAT'S THAT?
385
00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:53,721
I MEAN, ALL OF A SUDDEN
I'M, LIKE, SELF-CONSCIOUS.
386
00:17:53,788 --> 00:17:54,955
STUPID, RIGHT?
387
00:17:55,023 --> 00:17:56,256
NO, NOT AT ALL.
388
00:17:56,324 --> 00:17:59,192
I MEAN, YOUR DAD SAW SOMETHING
WRONG WITH HIS PICTURE
389
00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:00,193
AND HE DID SOMETHING
ABOUT IT.
390
00:18:00,261 --> 00:18:02,730
HATS OFF TO HIM.
391
00:18:02,797 --> 00:18:05,199
THERE IS SOMETHING THAT...
392
00:18:05,266 --> 00:18:06,400
FORGET IT.
FORGET IT.
393
00:18:06,467 --> 00:18:07,134
OH, OK, YEAH.
394
00:18:07,202 --> 00:18:08,218
I'LL JUST FORGET
ABOUT IT
395
00:18:08,286 --> 00:18:09,420
AND JUST LET MY GIRL
SUFFER IN SILENCE.
396
00:18:09,487 --> 00:18:11,689
COME HERE, BABY.
TALK TO ME.
397
00:18:11,756 --> 00:18:13,223
OK, WELL...
398
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:14,525
THERE IS SOMETHING
THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
399
00:18:14,592 --> 00:18:16,893
TO CHANGE ABOUT MY BODY.
400
00:18:16,961 --> 00:18:19,530
OH, MY GOD, DO YOU THINK I
SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
401
00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:22,182
LOOK, YOU KNOW
I LOVE YOU
402
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,985
AND THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE,
403
00:18:25,053 --> 00:18:27,320
BUT IF YOU FEEL YOU WANT
SOMETHING CHANGED
404
00:18:27,388 --> 00:18:32,092
OR... AUGMENTED,
405
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,228
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
I'M THERE FOR YOU.
406
00:18:35,296 --> 00:18:38,498
YOU KNOW WHAT,
I'M GONNA DO IT.
407
00:18:38,566 --> 00:18:42,535
I'M GONNA GET
CALF IMPLANTS!
408
00:18:43,821 --> 00:18:45,922
NOW, IS CALF
A BRAND NAME OR...
409
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:48,225
NO, NO. I MEAN,
I LOOKED INTO IT ONCE
410
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:49,326
AND THEY'RE PRETTY PRICEY,
411
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:50,594
BUT I COULD FINALLY
HAVE THE SHAPE
412
00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:51,761
THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
413
00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:53,497
YOU KNOW, MY LEGS
WILL REALLY POP ON THE SUBWAY.
414
00:18:53,564 --> 00:18:56,166
HONEY, THANK YOU!
415
00:18:56,234 --> 00:18:57,417
OH!
YEAH!
416
00:18:57,485 --> 00:18:58,852
YEAH!
OK.
417
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,721
OOH, I'M GONNA GOOGLE
A DOCTOR RIGHT NOW.
418
00:19:00,789 --> 00:19:02,272
OH, YOU GOTTA DO IT
RIGHT AWAY.
419
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,173
GET ON IT.
420
00:19:03,241 --> 00:19:04,557
OK!
421
00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:14,334
ARTHUR, WHAT ARE
YOU EATING?
422
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:17,704
SALT WATER TAFFY.
423
00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:19,857
BUT THE DENTIST SAID YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO EAT ANYTHING STICKY.
424
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:21,107
I DON'T CARE.
425
00:19:21,175 --> 00:19:22,392
BUT IT'LL WRECK
YOUR BRACES.
426
00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:25,829
GOOD. I HATE THEM!
427
00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:27,247
WHAT?
428
00:19:27,315 --> 00:19:29,833
THEY TEASED ME
AT THE SENIOR CENTER TODAY.
429
00:19:29,901 --> 00:19:32,970
METAL MOUTH,
BRACE FACE.
430
00:19:33,037 --> 00:19:35,472
THEY WERE AS CRUEL
AS THEY WERE CLEVER.
431
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:39,393
WELL, THESE BRACES
ARE COMING OFF RIGHT NOW.
432
00:19:39,461 --> 00:19:40,794
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
433
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:43,096
HEY, I SPENT $3,800
ON YOUR BRACES,
434
00:19:43,164 --> 00:19:45,265
AND I'M ABOUT TO SPEND
A COUPLE GRAND MORE
435
00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:47,601
ON A PART OF CARRIE'S BODY
THAT I DON'T EVEN LOOK AT!
436
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,003
YOU PUT THEM DOWN!
437
00:19:50,071 --> 00:19:52,840
MY BODY, MY CHOICE.
438
00:19:52,907 --> 00:19:54,024
AAH!
ARTHUR!
439
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:57,911
YEAH, SO CAN YOU GIVE ME,
LIKE, KELLY RIPA'S CALVES?
440
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,246
GIVE 'EM TO ME!
NO!
441
00:20:00,515 --> 00:20:01,782
OW!
YOU BIT ME!
442
00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:04,351
I HOPE YOU HAVE
A TETANUS SHOT.
443
00:20:06,137 --> 00:20:07,604
NO, NO,
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
444
00:20:07,672 --> 00:20:09,372
THAT'S-THAT'S JUST THE TV.
445
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:12,042
AHEM. SO HOW'S WEDNESDAY?
446
00:20:38,653 --> 00:20:40,370
HEY, HEY.
HEY, HEY.
30897
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof