Original subtitles

Today we

are welcoming

a delegation

from the Parks

Department of

our sister city,

Boraqua, Venezuela.

Our photo-op with the mayor

is tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.

So, I'm gonna

need your suggestions

about my wardrobe ASAP.

I told you,

gold sequin sweatpants.

Also, remember, everyone,

Venezuela is a poor country.

These men are not

used to the wealth

and flash that we have

here in central Indiana.

Our only job over

the next two days

is to make these

men feel at home.

Yes, I am

a little nervous.

Pawnee has kind

of a tricky history

with welcoming

foreign visitors.

But things have changed.

Our guests are gonna stay

in a motel, for sure.

Oh, God! What if they

don't speak English?

April, you know

Spanish, right?

Oh, good. Excellent.

My mom's Puerto Rican.

That's why I'm so

lively and colorful.

Oh, my God. Here they are.

Okay, everybody, clean up.

Pull your thing up.

Everyone, just be...

Good. Jerry, hit it.

This is my baby.

I've put this whole

trip together,

and let me tell

you something.

It's not been

easy, you know?

How do you fit all of Pawnee

in a 48-hour visit?

I had to drop

the Rock and Roll

bowling alley

from our itinerary.

That was one of the most

difficult phone calls I've

ever had to make.

Hello, most

excellent representatives

of the great Parks Department

of Boraqua, Venezuela.

I am Deputy Director

of Parks and Recreation,

and Chairwoman of

the Departmental Ad-Hoc

Sub-Committee for

Pit Beautification,

Leslie Knope.

It's a pleasure

to meet you.

I'm Vice-Director

Ejecutivo del Diputado

del Departamento de Parques,

Raul Alejandro Bastilla

Pedro de Veloso

de Maldonado.

I'm Tom.

These are my colleagues,

Antonio Rivera-Fonseca,

Minister of Small Fountains.

And Elvis Correja,

Administrator of Hedges.

And he is?

Pay no attention to him.

He is our intern, Jhonny.

He is worthless.

We are quite

tired from our trip.

Could you have

your servant

collect our bags, please?

What'd he call me?

Tom, please.

It's a different culture,

okay? Just be a good host.

Do this for me?

Fine.

Yes. We will get our

pathetic servant boy

to fetch your luggage.

Go, boy!

Now, I know you gentlemen

had a long flight,

but I have prepared

a welcome party

in your honor.

Excellent.

I like to party.

Well, my job is to

see to your every need.

Do we just select

the woman we desire?

I will take

the large black one.

Interesting choice.

What?

Do you have some kind

of book with photos of

the women available to us?

If not, I will also

take the sexy black one.

I am not surprised at all.

I've been to South America.

I did very well there.

I think there might've been

a translation problem.

When I said party,

I meant one that did

not include sex for pay.

But one that had food

and drink and dancing,

that sort of thing.

So, no women?

No.

Off to kind of

a weird start.

We have so much to

learn from each other.

What kind of

birds do you guys eat?

Chickens.

Us, too! Amazing.

What is this?

Water, I'm sorry.

Agua.

In our country,

government officials

drink only bottled water.

I can assure you

that that water's

very safe to drink.

No. Bottled,

please. Send the boy.

Tom, go get water.

Leslie, come on!

For your troubles.

You got it, Chief.

Hey, April, can you

help me out a second...

Go away, Jerry.

Okay.

This is a gold plated replica

of the gun Hugo Chavez used

in the 1992

Socialist revolution.

It is a gift.

This gun truly symbolizes

the blossoming peace

between our two nations.

A key aspect to

diplomacy is gift-giving.

The gift has to be

nice enough to honor

and respect the guest,

but not so nice

that it shames him.

Plus, it needs to

represent the local culture.

And I found

the perfect thing.

A bottle of

high-fructose corn syrup,

made right here

in Pawnee's own

Sweetums factory.

Sweetums! If you

can't beat 'em, Sweetums!

Since 1891.

And eight and a half dozen

rubber baby bottle nipples,

also made here in Pawnee.

Kernston's Rubber Nipples,

tastes like the real thing.

Yes. And we too are

pleased to be here in

your dirty alleyway.

We thank you for

the container of sap,

and the bag of garbage.

His English isn't perfect,

so I don't think he realizes

how insulting he's being.

We're also sister cities

with Kaesong, North Korea.

Their town is far nicer.

That's fine, it's my job.

I'm a diplomat.

I'm not supposed to

take it personally.

We haven't been here

for a very long time,

but what we have seen is,

really, from the bottom of

our hearts, truly depressing.

Really, really sad stuff.

I mean, that's

why people respect

Hillary Clinton so much.

'Cause, nobody

takes a punch like her.

She's the strongest,

smartest punching

bag in the world.

It's funny because

Antonio said to me,

"Can we turn this car around

"and say we're sick

or something, or that

we lost our way?"

Of course, that would

be rude to you.

What is your profession?

I'm a city planner.

This city was planned?

On the drive in,

I saw a tattoo parlor,

next to a school

next to a Taco Bell.

It looks like it was designed

by a very stupid rodent.

He's actually

a pretty smart rodent.

Uh-oh!

Ah!

You have a quick wit.

You know what?

I've changed my mind,

I will have you

for the evening.

Oh! Boy.

She'll get back

to you on that.

Politically, no, I don't

support Chavez.

I despise him

and everything

that he does.

On the other

hand, this is

a pretty sweet-ass gun.

The banana

you wanted, senor.

Ah! Finally. You peel.

What?

With your hands,

you peel the banana.

Okay! Let's get

started, shall we?

I have a full day of

activities planned.

I would like to see

where the children are

fed the sweeteners.

A restaurant?

American children

are fattened more

efficiently

than any other

children in the world.

I mean, they're like

little basketballs.

I mean, they're huge,

little porkers.

Okay.

This is our thermometer!

I'm trying to

turn a giant dirt pit

into a community park.

But I need $35,000,

and the city doesn't have

enough money in its budget.

I do not understand.

You've never had

a budget shortage?

No.

Venezuela is blessed

with massive oil reserves.

Massive, I mean, tremendous,

like, you would not believe.

Hmm.

The state sells the oil,

and keeps all the money,

and we build

whatever we want.

Wow, well. Now, I do

not understand.

I feel my

English was very clear.

Shall I repeat?

Venezuela,

my country,

has a lot of oil.

Oil is food for cars.

The Venezuelans

are a very confident people.

Okay, look, I know these

guys didn't turn out

to be exactly

how we thought

they would be.

You said they might not know

what toilet paper is.

I'm calling an audible.

We can't be humble anymore.

What we're gonna do is,

we're gonna take

them to our best park

and we're gonna

blow their socks off.

Yeah, I don't think

that's gonna blow

their socks off.

Fine, we'll go further.

We'll take them to Chicago

and pretend it's

part of Pawnee.

Or New York. Or London!

No, wait, the money's

different there.

They'll figure it out.

Okay, never mind.

We'll go to the park.

Everybody doing

okay back there?

Comfortable?

Well, the motel we're

putting you up

in is really nice.

You can watch TBS.

Do you have TBS

in Venezuela?

I have everything

in Venezuela.

I have four satellite

dishes on my estate.

We get 14,000 channels.

Fourteen thousand.

I already know who

wins Project Runway.

Wow. I'm coming over

to your house then.

I see what you're getting at,

but no, thank you.

I am still primarily

interested in the large

black woman.

Here we are!

Take it in, boys.

This is an embarrassment

to America.

I'm sorry?

You are right to

want to correct this.

Correct what?

This is the giant pit of

dirt you were telling

us about, is it not?

The one you want

to turn into a park?

No, no. This is

already a park.

And it's one of

our best-loved parks.

Why are the trees

so small?

They're not that small.

Besides, size doesn't matter.

Yes, it does.

Our trees are huge.

We build tunnels

through them.

The parks in Boraqua

are far superior.

The park in my hometown,

El parque del Este,

we have a monorail,

and we have an aquarium,

and we have

the Jaripa Amphitheater.

It's huge.

Lady Gaga played

there last week.

Great. Well,

we don't have Lady Gaga.

And I don't think

she's going to come here

unless her career

takes a very bad turn.

But we have

something more beautiful

than Lady Gaga. Democracy.

I'm gonna show

you an example of that.

Let's go to

a town hall meeting.

Elvis, Oh Henry!

Raul, Butterfinger.

Antonio, Nestle Crunch

with the crispy rice removed.

Weird choice,

but for you, I got it done.

I find it

incredibly demeaning.

But guess what?

Cash money.

I'm gonna make it rain

I'm just gonna pick

that up real quick.

So, are you guys ready?

We're about to start.

This is where you

have your meetings?

Well, the location rotates.

Sometimes we have them on

the volleyball courts.

Where do you

hold your meetings?

Well, now that you ask,

we usually rotate

as well between

different fortresses

and citadels, and palaces.

Hmm. We don't

need palaces.

The ideas are what

shine in our meetings.

What are you?

Some kind of moron?

Why don't you

have hand dryers

in the park bathrooms?

They're so much

more sanitary

than paper towels!

Anyone knows that!

My dog went to one of

your parks and ate

another dog's feces.

And I'm going to

sue you for that.

How do you like it?

No!

How do you like that?

Now imagine

you're holding coffee.

This is outrageous.

Where are the armed

men who come in to

take the protesters away?

Where are they?

This kind of behavior

is never tolerated

in Boraqua.

You shout like that,

they put you in jail.

Right away.

No trial, no nothing.

Journalists?

We have a special

jail for journalists.

You're stealing?

Right to jail.

You're playing

music too loud?

Right to jail. Right away.

You're driving too fast?

Jail. Slow? Jail.

You're charging

too high prices

for sweaters,

glasses, you right to jail.

You undercook fish,

believe it or not, jail.

You overcook chicken,

also jail.

Undercook, overcook.

You make an appointment

with the dentist

and you don't show up?

Believe it or not,

jail, right away.

We have the best

patients in the world,

because of jail.

Well, it was tough going,

but it was lively.

What did you think

of the open forum?

This meeting of

ugly people yelling?

It is like torture.

That's one perspective.

In Boraqua, the government

moves like a hot

knife through butter.

Not as this here,

listening to people yelling,

these fat faces

turning all red?

Are you kidding me?

We're like kings!

We walk down the street

and they treat us

like rock stars.

We answer to nobody.

In a true Democracy,

we believe that the

input of our citizens

is extremely valuable.

Hey!

These pretzels suck!

Thank you. See?

No wonder nothing

ever gets done

in this country.

Really? Nothing gets done?

Tell that to

the Golden Gate Bridge.

Or American Idol.

Or the moon!

Oh, wait, you can't,

'cause you've

never been there.

Look, this is

not personal.

We just think that

you are weak and your

city is disgusting.

I think you're rude.

And I think you've been

rude since you came here.

And I think that

your medals are stupid

and your uniform is lame,

and you guys want to

marry Hugo Chavez!

Hey! Do not

disrespect Chavez.

Stupid Chavez.

I just told you not

to disrespect him.

Good, I just did.

That's twice.

I don't like Chavez.

Yes, you do.

And do not disrespect him.

No, I don't!

Yes, you do!

No, I don't, Raul. Look,

if you don't like it here,

then go, okay, Raul?

Great.

Good. Shut up.

We're shutting up, yeah.

And we'll go.

Those are our pens.

Right.

We don't even need them.

Great, then don't take them.

We didn't.

They started it.

Look, those guys

were rude, arrogant,

narrow-minded, class-A jerks.

Now, I may have lost my cool,

but they deserved it.

Okay. I'll call the mayor

and cancel the photo-op.

No! Don't do that!

Okay.

Then call the Venezuelans

and apologize.

No, they were rude, arrogant,

narrow-minded, class-A jerks!

Okay. Then I'll call the mayor

and cancel the photo-op.

No!

Do you see the problem here?

Yes! But I don't want to!

Yesterday I was

tough and direct

and today I have

to be charming.

Basically...

Thank you!

...yesterday I

was Hillary Clinton,

and today I'm Bill.

Can I get anyone anything

to drink before we start?

Coffee? Brandy?

I'd love some coffee.

Anything, guys?

No.

Some nuts?

I'll have some nuts.

Gummi Bears?

Sure.

Apple crisps?

Yeah.

Granola bars?

I'll take those.

Nothing? Sure?

Okay. I'll be right

out there if you need me.

Well, Raul, gentlemen,

thank you for coming.

Well, I would just

like to first say,

I am so sorry for

blowing up yesterday.

It was completely

uncalled for.

Well, we are sorry as well.

We were very tired

from our long journey.

Also, we were a bit jealous.

Our colleagues from

Caracas are visiting

their sister city of Miami.

Yeah. They've been

partying with

Dwyane Wade.

They sent us

all these photos and

QuickTime files.

I mean, you have to

see this place Miami.

Just gorgeous, everything.

There's so much soul

and life everywhere!

Every little tiny street,

so much culture, and history!

And the cars!

People really take

care of their cars there.

You notice that and

they're a little older,

Clean and shiny...

but still just beautiful.

Really,

really nice.

Yeah.

And the food,

so spicy and wonderful.

We could not even believe it.

But Pawnee is

really good as well.

Yes. In any case,

I made a few phone calls,

and the government

of Venezuela

has authorized

a special gift for you.

$35,000?

Yes, it is to fill your pit

to start to build a park.

No, no, we can't take this.

Yes, yes, yes. Please.

We will see you later today

at the photo-opportunity.

And I think we're

good here. No?

Okay. Okay, gracias.

Good meeting.

I don't know.

Maybe I should

return the money.

It's from

a foreign government,

I don't really

trust these guys.

I'm gonna return the money.

Are you crazy?

You could buy

a low-end Lexus

with that money.

Or, you could build

a park with that money.

Let's look at

the pros and cons.

Pro, we could fill in

the pit and build a park.

Con, we might be

filling it in with

dirty money.

Pro, $35,000 worth

of dirty money.

Con, not quite

sure why that's a pro.

Pro, we can

fill in the pit.

Con, Ann already said that.

Pro and con never works!

Pro, yes it does.

Fine. Fine.

We'll keep the money. Okay?

Everybody happy?

Jerry, are you happy?

What did I do?

Meeting adjourned, Jerry!

Can I just say,

I still feel kind of weird

about this money.

Okay. Look, I know they've

given you a hard time.

When the mayor

gets here,

we'll do the photo-op,

they'll be out

of our hair,

you'll get to

build your park.

Ah! Leslie! Hello.

Raul. The mayor will

be with us in just

a few minutes.

If you don't mind,

we would like to take

a video of you to

show our superiors.

Okay, sure.

Do you have the check

that we gave to you?

Ah, yes, I do.

Okay, you're gonna

show it to the camera

and say how much it

is and what it is for.

Okay, this is a check

for $35,000 and it is

to build a park.

How generous!

Yes, it's really generous.

Now say "Viva Venezuela!"

Viva Venezuela!

Viva Chavez!

Thank you, Venezuela!

"Viva Chavez!" Say it!

Aw, come on.

I don't want to

"viva" that guy.

We just gave you $35,000.

That's worth one "viva."

Viva Chavez.

Yes! Viva Chavez!

Yeah.

What is he saying?

They are very happy.

They say Hugo Chavez

will love this video

because it is another success

for their committee.

Committee?

Yeah.

They're a Committee

to Humiliate

and Shame America.

It will be a good video.

The Committee to Humiliate

and Shame America?

Yes. It is Hugo

Chavez's passion project.

And we just had an idea.

Why don't you call

the park after Chavez?

You know, you call it

Hugo Chavez Park.

And you can have a nice,

big fountain of his head,

so that when

the water is coming out

he is spitting at

you all the time.

You should write this down.

Viva America! Viva Pawnee!

Viva Mayor Walter Gunderson!

You have offended us.

You have offended

the government of Boraqua.

You are no longer our sister.

No, America

is not perfect.

But diplomacy

isn't just sucking up

and being a pushover.

Sometimes you

got to get tough.

I am gonna build

that park myself,

and it is gonna be awesome.

And it's not

gonna have a fountain

shaped like

Hugo Chavez's head

spitting water

all over everyone.

Unless that's

what the people want.

And that, sir, is democracy.

Leslie, come see this!

Check out this video

April sent me.

Hey, guys. I'm at

Jhonny's place

in Venezuela.

It's okay, I guess.

He has like

five million rooms.

And this is only

his guesthouse.

Holy cow!

There's a lot of

guys with guns here.

It's better than my

mom's house, I guess.

So, tell Leslie

I don't know when

I'm gonna be back.

Oh, and Donna's here.

Hey, guys! Ola!