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1
00:00:04,650 --> 00:00:06,870
Ah, and that was I Feel Pretty,
2
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,480
underrated Amy Schumer flick.
What did you guys think?
3
00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:12,830
Honestly, I don't know
why I even ask.
4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,490
Hey, Jay?
5
00:00:14,620 --> 00:00:16,360
Check out this cool
Halloween decoration I got.
6
00:00:19,540 --> 00:00:20,800
She hath made
the gourd speak!
7
00:00:20,930 --> 00:00:22,370
She is a witch!
8
00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:24,540
No, Patience, it's
motion activated.
9
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:26,670
Battery--
Never mind.
10
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,760
Wait, does Patience
not know about Halloween?
11
00:00:29,940 --> 00:00:32,900
Oh, she is going to lose
her Satan-hating mind.
12
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:34,590
Halloween?
13
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:36,900
It's a holiday:
there's candy, kids dress up.
14
00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:38,900
Women dress down.
It's like Purim, but hornier.
15
00:00:39,030 --> 00:00:41,170
We used to hate Halloween,
but then Sam moved in,
16
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,390
started leading a seance every
year, where she brings back
17
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,340
a different dead person
for us to hang out with.
18
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,570
She summons the dead?
19
00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:51,310
I must take leave
from thine evil presence.
20
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:54,440
Ooh, my bad.
21
00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:58,710
So Patience doesn't seem
like a huge fan of Halloween.
22
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,360
Babe, I don't think we should do
Halloween this year.
23
00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:02,540
SAMANTHA and PETE: What?
24
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:05,060
Three years ago,
our gazebo burned down.
25
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,840
Two years ago, you almost died.
26
00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:09,020
Last year, a woman did die.
27
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:10,540
Talk about a witch.
28
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:11,850
Little ex-wife humor.
29
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:14,030
And now we got
a Puritan ghost who spurts
30
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,980
blood out of the walls
when she's angry.
31
00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:17,550
How do you think she's gonna
react to seeing a bunch
32
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,680
of kids dressed up
like demons and zombies?
33
00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:21,550
But, Jay, I love Halloween.
34
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,120
Don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?
35
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,170
I wanted to wear
my Atari shirt today.
36
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:28,520
Do you know why I'm not wearing
my Atari shirt today, Sam?
37
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,430
'Cause the wall blood
wouldn't come out of it.
38
00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:33,310
- The man makes a fair point.
-Fine.
39
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,700
I guess we'll just have the
most boring Halloween ever.
40
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,220
Happy, Jay?
41
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:38,920
I won't be happy
42
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:41,310
until this Halloween has passed
and no one has died.
43
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,100
Love a man who sets a low bar.
44
00:01:43,230 --> 00:01:44,530
That's my guy.
45
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,800
This is outrageous!
46
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,760
Someone stop
this maniac!
47
00:01:52,890 --> 00:01:54,670
He has plans to
sell my treasures.
48
00:01:54,850 --> 00:01:55,850
What's going on?
49
00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,110
Well, in
lieu of anything
50
00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:58,900
fun this year,
Jay and Samantha
51
00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:01,680
are planning
a Halloween yard sale.
52
00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:04,730
Oh, no, if they sell the yard,
where will we chase butterflies?
53
00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:07,770
Oh, yeah, this stuffed raven
should get at least five bucks.
54
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,040
Are you mad?!
55
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,080
We paid six in 1880!
56
00:02:12,210 --> 00:02:14,740
Do you have any idea what
that's worth in today's dollars?
57
00:02:14,870 --> 00:02:16,350
That is a genuine question.
58
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:17,570
As a woman,
I wasn't allowed to study math.
59
00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:18,960
Attention, everyone.
60
00:02:19,090 --> 00:02:21,610
Patience wishes
to address you all.
61
00:02:21,790 --> 00:02:24,230
You have the floor.
62
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,970
Evil walks among us.
63
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,540
The one you call Samantha,
64
00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:33,450
who can summon the dead
and predict the weather.
65
00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:34,930
Well, the weather one
is literally
66
00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:35,800
just an app on her phone.
67
00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:37,240
She must be held to account.
68
00:02:37,370 --> 00:02:40,160
Hence, we will try her
as a witch.
69
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,940
A witch trial.
70
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:43,460
I mean, how Halloween is that?
71
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,460
Isaac, why are you
encouraging this?
72
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,250
'Cause as an acute observer
of the political winds,
73
00:02:48,380 --> 00:02:50,510
I am trying stay
on her good side.
74
00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:52,040
Obviously, I don't believe
in all of this witch business,
75
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:53,730
but she's powerful,
she's scary,
76
00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:55,870
and I for one
support her.
77
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,390
What sayeth you all?
78
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:58,960
Well, we literally have
nothing else to do
79
00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,310
since Sam and Jay canceled
Halloween.
80
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,870
Seems like a
harmless enough diversion.
81
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,960
And I do love
judging people.
82
00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:06,570
Oh,
there's the accused now.
83
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,880
Looking unusually feminine.
84
00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:11,530
Is that my old dress?
85
00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:14,280
Oh, is it? I found it when we
were clearing out the ballroom.
86
00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:16,190
It's kind of Halloween-y.
87
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:18,760
Unless Jay says something
and then it's just a dress.
88
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,330
Samantha, some news:
89
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:23,420
you are hereby on trial
for witchcraft.
90
00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:26,160
It was Patience's idea and I
for one think it's brilliant.
91
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,030
How dost thou plead?
92
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,510
Oh, Patience.
93
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,510
Things have changed
in the past 400 years.
94
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,080
Instead of turning
on each other,
95
00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,170
women should be
lifting each other up.
96
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,520
She speaks
of levitation!
97
00:03:37,690 --> 00:03:38,650
She's a witch.
98
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,430
I'm sorry, it's politics.
99
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,960
Okay, my point is,
women don't need
100
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,570
to tear each other
down anymore.
101
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:47,220
We are no longer
second-class citizens.
102
00:03:47,350 --> 00:03:49,400
We can do anything
that men can do.
103
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,180
Sam, you said you wanted
a couple guys
104
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,920
to help lift the heavy stuff
for the yard sale?
105
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,710
Yes, thank you, Mark.
106
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,800
But just because
there's a lot of stuff.
107
00:03:57,970 --> 00:03:59,710
Not because I'm a woman.
108
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,670
Okay.
109
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,760
So does an afternoon trial
work for you?
110
00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:07,290
We're pretty open.
111
00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:08,550
Yeah, I'm not participating
in this.
112
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,330
Then ye shall be
tried in absentia.
113
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:12,070
Cool, someone
114
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,160
let me know
if I'm a witch.
115
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:17,250
I'm going to go say goodbye
to the yard.
116
00:04:19,470 --> 00:04:20,560
Hey, Jay?
117
00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:21,560
There's another one.
118
00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:22,910
Wow, there's so much stuff
119
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,430
in that creepy old ballroom.
120
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,780
Where we hosted
presidents and royalty.
121
00:04:27,910 --> 00:04:31,220
And ate what we were told was
the last Chinese river dolphin.
122
00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:33,140
Turns out we were
wrong. Swindled.
123
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:34,700
Some people have
no ethics.
124
00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:38,190
Flower,
what are you doing?
125
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,840
Saying goodbye to individual
blades of grass.
126
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:42,890
I'll miss you, Larry.
127
00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:43,970
Goodbye, Steve.
128
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,190
Hi, babe.
129
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:46,410
How's the yard
sale going?
130
00:04:46,540 --> 00:04:48,460
Whoa, whoa,
what is all this?
131
00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:49,850
Oh, uh, the rake?
132
00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:51,290
I just thought I'd
tidy up out here.
133
00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:53,640
No, no, I mean
the Bridgerton costume.
134
00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:55,860
Which, objectively, wow!
135
00:04:55,990 --> 00:04:57,550
But it's a costume!
136
00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,030
Okay, fine.
137
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,690
So what?
I like Halloween.
138
00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:03,470
We're not having a party,
we're not bringing anyone
139
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,820
back from the dead.
140
00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:06,610
Just let us know
if you need help.
141
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,610
So just let me have this.
142
00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:11,260
How much is this
lizard bat thing?
143
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:12,920
How did that
get out here?
144
00:05:13,050 --> 00:05:14,870
Uh, I'm so sorry.
145
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,830
That's actually
not for sale.
146
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:18,620
And for the record,
it's called a quasit.
147
00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:20,790
Thank you
for clearing that up, Jay.
148
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,970
Uh, but can I interest you
in, um, I don't know, like,
149
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,010
a mummy-looking thing?
150
00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:25,450
It's just right
over there.
151
00:05:25,580 --> 00:05:27,670
That's got to be fake, right?
152
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,590
As far as the Egyptian
government is concerned.
153
00:05:30,670 --> 00:05:33,150
Samantha, are you sure
you don't want
154
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:34,810
to participate
in your witch trial?
155
00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:36,640
I mean, you're kind of the star.
156
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,460
No, Isaac,
the whole thing's a joke.
157
00:05:38,550 --> 00:05:39,990
- What's a joke?
- Patience accused me
158
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:42,290
of being a witch, so now,
because we canceled Halloween
159
00:05:42,420 --> 00:05:43,900
and they have
nothing else to do,
160
00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:45,120
they're hosting a witch trial.
161
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:46,430
What?
162
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,820
Why didn't you
tell me this?
163
00:05:47,910 --> 00:05:50,080
- This is bad.
- It's just dumb ghost stuff.
164
00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:51,780
So, what, they
decide I'm a witch?
165
00:05:51,870 --> 00:05:52,700
Then what?
166
00:05:52,870 --> 00:05:54,610
Babe, it's Patience.
167
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,440
Okay? It's not another ghost
like Alberta,
168
00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:58,270
with a lame humming power.
169
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,700
Watch it.
Or Hetty,
170
00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:00,920
who doesn't even have a power.
171
00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:02,840
That we know of!
172
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,060
Oh, he is roasting you two.
173
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:07,140
Okay, Founding Farter.
174
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:08,280
My point is,
175
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,230
Patience is not
to be trifled with.
176
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,930
And I'll just leave you
with this.
177
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:13,240
Historically, witch trials?
178
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:14,370
They don't end well
for the witches.
179
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,890
Hmm.
180
00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,500
You should really refer
to her as "the accused."
181
00:06:17,590 --> 00:06:20,330
I mean, it's not looking good,
but still.
182
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,250
No!
183
00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:24,600
You stepped on Derrick!
184
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:26,340
Murderer!
185
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,470
Oh, Mrs. Farnsby, hi.
186
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,340
Hey, Sam, could
you tell me more
187
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,690
about this beautiful antique
table you've got over here?
188
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:33,610
Do you think it could support
two or more adults?
189
00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:36,570
Ooh, those swingers are
gonna do it on that table.
190
00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,260
Ha!
191
00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:40,700
And lastly,
what about her ability
192
00:06:40,830 --> 00:06:42,660
to speaketh to all of ye?
193
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:44,490
She walketh amongst the living,
194
00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:46,530
yet speaketh to the dead?
195
00:06:46,660 --> 00:06:47,580
She's making some good points.
196
00:06:47,710 --> 00:06:49,710
And, also, the toast thing,
197
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,710
where she warmeth the bread
with the devil's tongue?
198
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,370
Although some arguments
are stronger than others.
199
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,590
Okay, first of all, that was
a great closing statement.
200
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,150
I began the day
a skeptic,
201
00:06:59,330 --> 00:07:01,070
but after that
eloquent summary,
202
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,900
I'm voting witch.
203
00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:05,120
- What say the rest of ye?
-Obviously,
204
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:06,330
Sam is not a witch.
205
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,030
- Not guilty.
-Well,
206
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,510
she did cancel
Halloween
207
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,730
and didn't bring
back the hot maid.
208
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,250
So I'm gonna
go witch.
209
00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:13,780
She's selling
my penguin leashes.
210
00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:14,990
She's a witch.
211
00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:16,080
I just don't think
212
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:18,130
Sam killed
that vagrant.
213
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,350
The issue is whether
or not Sam is a witch.
214
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,570
Oh!
215
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,090
Well, then, yeah,
she's probably a witch.
216
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:24,790
Oh, this is crazy, that woman
buys my Momoa magazines.
217
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:26,090
Not guilty.
218
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,750
Fun fact.
219
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,010
Vikings believed in witches,
we called them "volva."
220
00:07:30,140 --> 00:07:31,490
Who is that fun for?
221
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:33,710
Guess not people who
wear small ugly hats.
222
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,320
- We need an answer.
-Fine.
223
00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:39,500
Sam volva,
Sam... volva.
224
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,760
There we have it.
The group has spoken.
225
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:44,420
Sam is a witch,
and, Patience, once again,
226
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,720
thank you
for a delightful diversion,
227
00:07:46,810 --> 00:07:48,250
This was fun.
228
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,120
She hath been convicted,
now for the punishment.
229
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,340
Oh, okay.
230
00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:55,030
- There's a part two.
- For the crime
231
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:58,560
of witchcraft,
Samantha is hereby sentenced...
232
00:07:58,730 --> 00:08:00,390
to petrification.
233
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,000
She shall be turned to stone.
234
00:08:03,130 --> 00:08:05,180
Well, I guess Jay
better get used
235
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,180
to some stiff conversations.
236
00:08:09,050 --> 00:08:10,790
Why dost thou chortle
- at Patience?
-Oh, sorry.
237
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,530
Sorry,
we shouldn't have laughed.
238
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,530
Also, we shouldn't have
taken Sam for granite.
239
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,800
- Hey-oh!
-Laugh.
240
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:19,190
But ye will see.
241
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,450
Her flesh and bone will harden
242
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:24,020
with the swift judgement
from above.
243
00:08:24,150 --> 00:08:25,720
- Isn't bone already hard?
- Silence!
244
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:27,720
I am so sorry about them.
245
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:30,770
Bone is soft
if you say it is.
246
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:34,290
Sam? Sam?
247
00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:35,770
Where-- Hey, Mark.
248
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:37,120
Have you seen Sam?
249
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,510
She was just here.
250
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:39,510
Hey, how much for
this dragon trophy?
251
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,600
How did that--
That's not for sale.
252
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,480
Uh, guys?
253
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:48,000
Does that statue
look like Sam to you?
254
00:08:48,130 --> 00:08:49,260
That's funny.
255
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:50,220
I guess
it kind of does.
256
00:08:50,390 --> 00:08:52,000
Wait.
257
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,400
The dress.
258
00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:54,700
The Bridgerton hair.
259
00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:56,530
That's the rake
she was holding.
260
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,620
Oh, my God.
261
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:02,620
Patience turned Sam into stone.
262
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,410
What the hell
is a penguin leash?
263
00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:06,760
Hey, Jay,
is this made for penguins
264
00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:07,890
or made out of penguins?
265
00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:10,500
Both. Now put that down.
266
00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:16,770
Are you sure you've never
seen this statue before?
267
00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:20,210
I have never seen this thing
in my life or since.
268
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:21,950
Okay, we just got
to talk to Patience.
269
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,650
Maybe she can undo it.
270
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,350
If you can hear me, Sam...
271
00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,570
I voted not guilty.
272
00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:36,180
Patience, this is insane.
273
00:09:36,350 --> 00:09:37,880
You have to turn Sam back.
274
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,970
Patience more powerful
than Thor ever imagine.
275
00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:43,620
Man, have I hitched
my wagon to the right pony.
276
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,540
Of course I will miss
Flesh Samantha,
277
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,410
as she will heretofore
be known.
278
00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:48,630
Come on, Patience!
279
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,150
- Is there a way to fix Sam?
- There is.
280
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,200
But she was convicted.
This is your doing.
281
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,070
Well, we didn't know
it was real.
282
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,890
We thought it was a joke,
like where does the general hide
283
00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:58,110
his armies? In his sleevies!
That kind of thing!
284
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,120
Who's chortling now?
285
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,640
Not me,
for laughter is forbidden.
286
00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:07,560
Mm...
287
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:10,650
Uh, guys.
288
00:10:10,780 --> 00:10:11,950
Jay is selling Sam.
289
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,780
What?
That not good.
290
00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:15,570
Trevor, you text Jay
from the iPad.
291
00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:18,400
We'll go outside and
yell at Jay impotently.
292
00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:19,530
- Yeah.
- Oh.
293
00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:22,140
I'll give you six bucks for it.
294
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,100
Ugh.
295
00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:24,790
I don't know, man.
296
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,400
Okay, Jay may not know
that's the love of his life,
297
00:10:26,490 --> 00:10:27,840
but he must know that stone's
worth way more than...
298
00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:29,230
- Seven bucks.
- Sold.
299
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,630
Oh, come on!
Oh...
300
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,190
Someone do something.
301
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,850
Perhaps finally, in this
most urgent moment of need,
302
00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:38,720
my heretofore dormant
ghost power will emerge.
303
00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:45,380
You still got nothing.
304
00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:47,340
Like your humming thing's
so cool.
305
00:10:47,470 --> 00:10:49,080
Goodbye, Samantha.
306
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:50,430
Enjoy new home.
Oh!
307
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,990
Get in there.
308
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,870
This is insane!
Sam, we're trying to help!
309
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,040
No! That's her head.
310
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,700
- I'll see you.
-Oh!
311
00:10:57,830 --> 00:11:00,000
What the...?
312
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:01,090
Trevor.
Oh.
313
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,790
"The statue is Sam."
314
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,220
What does that even mean?
315
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,100
Oh, come on.
316
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,100
I'll give chase.
317
00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:10,880
'Cause I can leave
the property.
Not now, Peter!
318
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,540
"Patience turn to stone"
with a witch emoji?
319
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:14,800
Ooh, nice touch.
320
00:11:14,930 --> 00:11:16,060
Oh, my God!
321
00:11:16,190 --> 00:11:17,410
I sold my wife!
322
00:11:17,540 --> 00:11:18,850
Yes!
Get him!
Go!
323
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:23,420
My eyes!
324
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,240
The devil box
is alight.
325
00:11:25,330 --> 00:11:27,640
Yes, yes. Sometimes,
they leave it on for us.
326
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,730
I don't usuallypartake.
327
00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:31,340
Oh, but this is
a good episode.
328
00:11:31,470 --> 00:11:32,690
Kaylee L. confronts Veronica
329
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,120
for blowing up
her co-listing in Laguna.
330
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:38,210
Well, we must depart forthwith,
lest we be corrupted.
331
00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:39,780
Absolutely.
332
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:41,700
Or we stay here
333
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,790
and bear witness
to the sin,
334
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,440
so that we may...
335
00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:47,270
warn others
and stuff.
336
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:49,270
Hmm...
337
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,930
And is she Kaylee L.?
338
00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:57,360
Yes, and keep an eye
on her mojito
339
00:11:57,490 --> 00:11:58,800
because--
little hint--
340
00:11:58,890 --> 00:12:00,720
Veronica will soon
be wearing it.
341
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,540
Oh, and that's not all.
342
00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:05,070
You will not believe who shows
up to the twilight open house.
343
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,680
Is it the devil?[gasps] Kind of.
344
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,640
It's Kaylee's ex, Fletcher.
345
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:10,900
Oh.
346
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,950
- To bear witness.
- To bear witness.
347
00:12:19,910 --> 00:12:22,210
So this man bought
your statue and...
348
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,130
I'm sorry, what do you
want us to do?
349
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:26,350
I just need to get it back,
and I need his home address.
350
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,260
Now, I know you guys
run plates,
351
00:12:28,390 --> 00:12:29,920
I watch TV.
352
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:33,140
Right... but we only do that
when there's a crime.
353
00:12:33,270 --> 00:12:34,620
'Cause we're
the police.
354
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:36,270
Okay, Jay's
getting nowhere.
355
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,620
- Oh!
- Pete, what happened?
356
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:39,970
He got on the highway,
and I lost him.
357
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,490
Oh.
Oh.
I don't know
if it's helpful,
358
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,150
but there was a bumper sticker.
359
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,980
It said,
"Captain Kaboom period com."
360
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:48,330
Wait, Captain Kaboom dot com?
361
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:49,890
What does
that mean?
362
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,370
It's a website,
it's the internet.
363
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,810
That's
the internet?
364
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,640
What's the thing
with the cat videos?
365
00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:56,810
Everyone just
hang on. Watch.
366
00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:02,430
This feels like
a stalker situation.
367
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,000
Sir, be honest.
368
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:06,000
Did this individual
break your heart?
369
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,350
What? No.
I just want my statue back.
370
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,700
What is this?
371
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,140
Ahoy. I'm Captain Kaboom.
372
00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:14,960
Welcome to Kaboom World.
373
00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:16,790
Today, we're gonna see
what happens
374
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,790
when you put an M-80
inside an old microwave.
375
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:22,670
Surely, he knows
what will happen.
376
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:26,240
- Kaboom.
-[laughs] Was amazing!
377
00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:28,850
Ugh, back in my day, there was
a guy who used to blow stuff up.
378
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,630
His name was LBJ.
379
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,160
But then we got high, and saw
a bunch of bands play on a farm,
380
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,770
and I think that helped.
381
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:37,810
Oh, no. I think I know why
this man bought that statue.
382
00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:40,470
Oh, my God.
383
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,340
He's gonna blow up Sam.
384
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:43,250
Samantha.
385
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,650
Click on
- bowling ball video.
- Thor.
386
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,310
Okay, fine, what if I were
to say that the statue
387
00:13:54,390 --> 00:13:55,440
is really a person,
388
00:13:55,570 --> 00:13:57,090
and that person
389
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,440
is my wife?
390
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,100
Well, in that case,
391
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,790
we'd probably contact
mental health services.
392
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,880
Okay, so then
I'm not saying that.
393
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,360
Good day, sir.
394
00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:10,190
What?
395
00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:11,980
Ooh, now he just has
to click on the link.
396
00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:13,800
A text
from my iPad?
397
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,240
Trevor, did you send me this?
I don't have time
398
00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:19,110
to watch a vid...
399
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,250
Wait. That's the guy
I sold the statue to.
400
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:22,990
Yeah.
Watch watermelon one.
401
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,550
So good.
Shh.
402
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:25,990
Hey, there, Kaboom Fam.
403
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,640
Got something really special
in today.
404
00:14:27,770 --> 00:14:29,600
You've been asking
for limestone,
405
00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:32,210
I'm giving you limestone.
406
00:14:32,390 --> 00:14:34,130
Ah! That's the Sam statue.
407
00:14:34,260 --> 00:14:35,570
- Yes!
- Yes!
408
00:14:35,650 --> 00:14:38,220
At 1700 hours today,
this thing's going...
409
00:14:38,350 --> 00:14:39,870
kaboom.
410
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,530
Don't forget to like
and subscribe.
411
00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:43,010
I know that house.
412
00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:44,440
How do I know that house?
413
00:14:44,570 --> 00:14:45,790
He's doing
the finger-pinch thing.
414
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,930
He's doing
the finger-pinch thing.
415
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:49,840
That's to zoom in.
Dot com.
Wait.
416
00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:51,320
Is that a Sonic sign?
417
00:14:51,450 --> 00:14:52,930
Ooh!
Ooh, it's ironic.
418
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,980
Samantha's always saying
that Sonic is gonna kill Jay,
419
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:57,150
but it may just be
the thing that saves her.
420
00:14:57,330 --> 00:15:00,940
Ironic Sonic. I think that was
a band that I dated back in '67.
421
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:03,160
I know where this is.
Pete, let's ride.
422
00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:05,990
Because I can.
423
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,250
Shut up, Pete.
Go!
424
00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:08,160
And go save our girl!
425
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:09,640
Okay!
426
00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:14,470
So you want the statue back?
427
00:15:14,650 --> 00:15:15,820
Yeah, I wasn't
supposed to sell it.
428
00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:18,480
It got put out
by accident, and...
429
00:15:18,610 --> 00:15:20,520
my wife is really
attached to it.
430
00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:21,870
Sorry, man.
431
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,180
I got big plans for that thing.
432
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:26,660
Pete Martino.
Non-geographically bound ghost.
433
00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:28,620
Sergeant John Duffy.
Retired.
434
00:15:28,750 --> 00:15:29,840
Served two tours in 'nam.
435
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,580
Moved upstate
for some peace and quiet.
436
00:15:32,710 --> 00:15:36,280
40 years later, I'm dead,
and this little maniac moves in.
437
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:38,630
Come on, man. Give me a number.
438
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:39,890
How much do you want for it?
439
00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:41,240
It's not
about the money.
440
00:15:41,370 --> 00:15:43,550
It's about the boom, bro.
441
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,160
Got to give the people
what they want.
442
00:15:45,290 --> 00:15:47,460
It's just-- This statue
means a lot to me.
443
00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:49,030
I really need it back.
444
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,250
- His wife is the statue.
- Damn straight.
445
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:53,640
I fought for this man's right
to marry a statue.
446
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,300
I'll tell you what,
447
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:57,560
you give me
that weird monster thing
448
00:15:57,730 --> 00:15:58,870
I was looking at
earlier,
449
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,350
and I'll give you
your statue back.
450
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,220
The quasit?
451
00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:04,650
Jay, are we really driving
a hard bargain here?
452
00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:07,140
Fine. Deal. But can I take
the statue now?
453
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:08,880
I promise I'll come back
with the quasit.
454
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:11,100
Sure, man. I trust you.
455
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:12,790
Plus, I know
where you live,
456
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,270
and I have a lot of dynamite.
457
00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:19,840
Guys!
458
00:16:19,970 --> 00:16:21,320
We're back.
459
00:16:21,450 --> 00:16:22,800
We got the Sam statue.
460
00:16:22,930 --> 00:16:24,020
Ghosts, if you're here,
461
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,720
get the Puritan
462
00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:27,500
to undo
the stone thing.
463
00:16:27,590 --> 00:16:29,770
And please hurry. This morning,
I was yelling at her
464
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:31,330
about wearing
a Halloween costume.
465
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:33,990
I don't want that to be
the last conversation we had.
466
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,250
Patience,
you turn Stone Sam back
467
00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:38,470
into regular Sam
right now, or else.
468
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,080
'Twas not me
who made her thus.
469
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:42,210
All of ye
convicted her.
470
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:43,870
Patience, I am going
to say something to you
471
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,130
that I have only ever told
two other people in my life,
472
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,440
both of whom I wished
to procure me cocaine:
473
00:16:49,570 --> 00:16:50,740
please.
474
00:16:50,870 --> 00:16:52,350
The Lord's judgement
is final.
475
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,180
Once one strayeth
from the path
476
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,970
of piety,
one is lost.
477
00:16:57,580 --> 00:16:59,880
It's so interesting
you say that, Patience,
478
00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:01,970
because, earlier,
I believe
479
00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:03,970
you did a bit of
path-straying yourself.
480
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,370
I know not
of what you speak.
481
00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:09,810
Oh, you don't want me
to speak of Laguna.
482
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:11,370
I was bearing witness.
483
00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:12,980
You said you would never tell.
484
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,160
What's going on here?
485
00:17:14,290 --> 00:17:15,590
I will tell them
everything,
486
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:16,940
including how
you moved your body
487
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,340
to that diabetes
medicine commercial.
488
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,210
Fine.
489
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:26,260
So you'll
turn her back?
490
00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:28,780
The power rests not with me.
It rests with ye.
491
00:17:28,910 --> 00:17:29,780
If you wish
to reverse
492
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,180
the sentence,
simply vote again,
493
00:17:32,310 --> 00:17:33,530
and find Samantha
innocent.
494
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:36,140
Oh, yay!
495
00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:38,100
It's gonna be okay, man.
496
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:39,840
Flower, no!
497
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,320
Whoa...
498
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:44,320
Oh, he's high.
499
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,760
No!
500
00:17:47,890 --> 00:17:49,190
Ah!
501
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,980
Sam! Sam!
502
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:54,680
What?
503
00:17:54,810 --> 00:17:56,160
What are you guys doing?
504
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,590
Oh, my God, you're okay.
505
00:17:58,720 --> 00:17:59,730
We thought
you were stone,
506
00:17:59,810 --> 00:18:01,120
and then
Jay sold you.
507
00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:02,380
And
then the Kaboom man
508
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:04,030
was gonna
blow you up.
509
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,860
There really cool watermelon
video you need to see.
510
00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:09,820
- Of course I'm okay.
- But what happened?
Where have you been?
511
00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:11,520
I sold Mrs. Farnsby a desk,
512
00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:14,090
and I was helping her
take it over to their place.
513
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,870
At first,
she wanted it in the study
514
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,440
and then in
the living room and...
515
00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:18,960
then she made me
put it in a room
516
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:20,050
that I don't want to talk about.
517
00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:22,010
But the statue was
holding the rake.
518
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,790
What? No. I just
519
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,880
leaned the rake against
the statue before I left.
520
00:18:26,010 --> 00:18:28,280
We thought Patience
turned you to stone
521
00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:30,150
after the ghosts convicted you
at the witch trial.
522
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,110
You guys convicted me?
523
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,020
Well, we were mad
about Halloween.
524
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:36,410
I urged you to testify
on your behalf.
525
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,370
I told them you
didn't kill that vagrant.
526
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,550
Wait, well, where did
the statue come from?
527
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,680
Hetty said she
didn't recognize it.
528
00:18:42,810 --> 00:18:44,380
It was in a crate
in the ballroom.
529
00:18:44,510 --> 00:18:48,030
Ah. I guess that is possible.
We were so rich.
530
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,650
Sometimes, we would just
buy things at auction
531
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:51,780
'cause we liked waving
the little paddle.
532
00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:54,610
Well, Patience, I guess your
spell didn't work after all.
533
00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:56,650
No matter.
I've still got the blood thing.
534
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,040
Why don't you go hum about it?
535
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,400
- That was devastating insult.
- All right.
536
00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:05,010
Everyone just needs to back off.
It's a good power.
537
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:07,710
- I think it's a neat power.
- I swear to God, Pete.
538
00:19:13,410 --> 00:19:15,020
Aw, so you traded
your weird monster statue
539
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,590
so this guy
wouldn't blow me up?
540
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,760
- Of course I did.
- And he did not hesitate.
541
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:20,420
He agreed to it like that.
542
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,070
And we definitely didn't stop
at Sonic on the way home.
543
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,720
- Too much detail, Pete.
-Sam,
544
00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:26,030
I thought
I lost you,
545
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,900
and it was the worst
feeling in the world.
546
00:19:29,030 --> 00:19:30,640
I'm so sorry
that I yelled at you
547
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,250
for wanting to
celebrate Halloween.
548
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,390
I love that you're excited
about that stuff,
549
00:19:34,470 --> 00:19:37,210
and I love that you
decorate our mantel
550
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,220
for different seasons
and holidays.
551
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:41,780
It's like we live in a
Starbucks. In a good way.
552
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,390
Aw, Jay.
553
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:45,880
Is touching.
554
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:48,270
Small Man sure to reap
many benefits,
555
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,580
sexually,
from those kind words.
556
00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:51,920
Everyone,
557
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:53,970
Patience hath arrived
at a decision.
558
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:55,840
After much praying,
559
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,710
it has become clear that
560
00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,190
I need to return to the dirt.
561
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,850
Girl, what?
No.
Oh, no. Why?
562
00:20:02,980 --> 00:20:04,680
You just got here.
563
00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:06,680
Patience is returning
to the dirt.
564
00:20:06,810 --> 00:20:07,590
Hell yeah!
565
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:09,250
I don't care.
566
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:11,160
She tried to turn
you into stone,
567
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:13,510
and she cost me
my quasit.
568
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,690
I was tested, and I failed.
569
00:20:15,820 --> 00:20:18,860
The aboveground world
has far too much temptation.
570
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,910
'Tis not a place for the pious.
571
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,130
Well, as I said,
women should support women,
572
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:26,390
so I fully support
your decision to leave
573
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,480
and possibly
never come back.
574
00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:30,140
It was
good to know you.
575
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,660
Now, I must return
to the others.
576
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:36,450
I'm sorry,
did she say "others"?
577
00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:37,930
That not good.
578
00:20:38,060 --> 00:20:39,280
Oh, I don't like that at all.
579
00:20:45,150 --> 00:20:47,890
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
580
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:50,980
and TOYOTA.
581
00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:54,380
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
41152
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