Original subtitles

So the question is, What has yellow wings,

A beak, and goes [ gruffly ] "Chirp"?

All: a 300-pound canary!

Oh, you guys heard it Before, huh?

Five years ago.

So you broke up With betty, huh?

Now what makes you Say that?

John, don'’t you know The only thing

More obvious Than a chet kelly joke

Is your just having Broken up with a girl?

- eh, what happened? - [ phone ringing ]

I think I was a better cook Than her, marco.

Really? What A frightening thought.

L.A. County fire department, Captain stanley.

Yes, just hold on, please.

John, it'’s for you. It'’s a female.

Oh!

Ah! I'’ll take it In the dorm.

Hold on, please, ma'’am.

The bird dog is aroused. I saw his nose twitching.

It'’s his aunt.

And now the phantom bomber Prepares to strike.

The world'’s Greatest water bomb.

You gonna drop That on gage?

Yeah.

You'’d do that to guy Who just lost a girl again?

Sure, it'’ll take His mind off it.

[ whistling ]

Up here...

- johnny. - what?

- 12:00. - huh?

[ chet laughs ]

I think you'’ve Started something You'’re gonna regret.

But nobody Escapes the phantom.

[ alarm sounding ]

Radio: Station 51, tree fire.

Amherst road, East of pinewood junction.

Amherst road, East of pinewood junction.

Time out, 11:49.

Station 51. 10-4. Kmg 365.

Pull the reel line, chet.

Roy, inch and a half. Marco, an inch and a half.

I put the call in.

Saw the fire from My place over there.

Anything I can do To help?

No, we'’ll have this out In a couple of minutes.

Okay.

What'’d he say?

He called in the alarm.

Oh! Oh!

My god!

Help! Help! Can'’t you see my...

[ child screaming ]

Oh, no! Help! Help!

My daughter, she has A tree house up there.

[ child screaming ]

My little girl! Please help me.

- stanley: he'’s going up there. - oh, god!

Help her. Oh, please.

Stoker, kelly, Get the extension Ladder, boys.

Girl: mommy, Mommy, please!

[ screams ]

Mommy, please!

Please, please!

All right, Sweetheart. Okay.

I'’m gonna get you Out of here.

All right. Now, come on,

I want you to get On my back, okay?

We'’re going on A horsy-back ride here.

Put on my helmet.

Hang on tight.

Now hang on tight.

Easy does it.

[ grunting ]

Cindy! Cindy, darling!

She'’s all right. She'’s okay.

- oh, sweetheart. - she'’s all right.

Why isn'’t she Saying anything?

She'’s okay.

- cindy! - okay, you can let go now.

Was that your first Horsy back ride?

L.A., engine 51. Fire'’s under control.

Station 51 out, 20 minutes.

She'’s got A few minor burns.

I'’d like to treat Them here,

But we'’d like to take her To rampart anyway.

Yeah. L.A., engine 51, respond An ambulance to our location.

Engine 51.

Let'’s check You out here.

Oh, darling... Thank you.

It'’s all right.

Thank you.

Come here, sweetheart.

I thought Everybody knew that.

You see, the name cindy Comes from cinderella.

So I guess you must Have a fairy godmother

Who watches Over you, young lady.

And she gave That fireman wings

To fly up and save you.

[ giggling ]

The fireman Was wonderful.

He was a real hero.

Was he wearing a mask

And riding with An indian companion?

[ laughs ] No.

No! He had dark hair.

And he was handsome And he had a crooked smile.

Oh. That sounds Like johnny gage.

- excuse me, bill. - right.

Come on, cindy, doctor'’s Ready to see you now.

- bye-bye, cindy. - bye.

Bye-bye.

Who'’s that nice man?

Oh, he is nice, Isn'’t he?

We call him old bill.

He comes in often And reads stories to the kids.

Wonderful. Does he work here?

No, he pretends To be sick

As an excuse to visit.

I think he'’s Just lonely.

Oh.

- bill. - ah, the hero arrives.

What you mean, hero?

The hero that saved The little girl

From the fiery jaws Of death.

Oh, you heard About that, huh?

You know hospitals, johnny, Stories spread like wildfire.

Excuse the expression.

Hey, johnny, Cindy'’s mother,

You know, she couldn'’t stop Talking about you.

Oh, yeah?

You wanna know Something else?

She'’s a widow, johnny.

Oh, yeah?

He wouldn'’t take advantage Of a young lady'’s gratitude.

Would you, john?

So long, bill.

So long, roy.

Hey, doc.

Bill! Where have you been These past few days?

Well, grandchildren Were visiting

And, boy, they'’re A bunch of tigers.

How'’re you feeling?

A little bursitis And tired and weak.

You know how it is.

Bill, you know Something?

You'’ve been tired And weak for years.

But I'’m losing weight, Too, doc.

Fifteen pounds. And this darn back of mine.

P.A.: dr. Joe early, Call extension 1941.

Doc, do you think You could possibly give me

Another blood test or... Or something?

- look, will you Remind me, okay? - right.

And keep the customers Happy, okay?

Oh, you betcha, doc.

Yes, sir.

- just a few slight burns. - oh, good.

You'’re gonna be just fine.

Thanks to you.

Oh, well, I was just... I was just doing my job.

Oh, the way You took charge.

How many men do you have Working for you?

Well, I, uh, I don'’t have any men Working under me.

Oh, the way the men On the hose protected you.

Like a general.

Yeah, well, you know, Actually, I think

They were kind of Protecting cindy More than me. It'’s...

Well, both of you.

Do you know, You'’re very modest?

That'’s A wonderful quality.

Howdy.

How'’s The little girl?

Oh, she'’s fine. She'’s fine.

How'’s her mother?

She'’s fine, too.

She wants to visit me At the station.

I don'’t know. I mean, she just...

She thinks I'’m head honcho Around here or something.

- mmm-hmm. How did she Get that idea, john? - I don'’t know, man.

I wasn'’t the one That told her. She wouldn'’t Even buy anything I said.

Oh, no, I'’m sure. Listen, I'’ve got it For you, john.

You get a mop, and you Be latrine officer Of the day.

Latrine officer Of the day.

- thanks, cap. - glad to help.

- kelly? - shh! The phantom Lurks everywhere.

The phantom Strikes everyone, Regardless of rank.

Hey, cap.

[ alarm sounding ]

Radio: station 51, Unknown type rescue.

617 and a half Kimball road.

617 and a half Kimball road.

Time out, 14:22.

Stanley: station 51. 10-4. Kmg 365.

[ horn blaring ]

Man, the phantom'’s Gonna get his.

Fire department.

[ knocking ]

Are you guys here On some kind of Inspection?

No, ma'’am, we got a call From this address.

Not me, I didn'’t call.

Anybody need help?

Well, my husband'’s Home sick.

- maybe he called. - how long ago?

Four, Five minutes.

No. Couldn'’t have been him.

Maybe there'’s somebody else In the house Other than you two.

No. Uh-uh.

[ radio beeps ]

Station 51, Are you available?

Engine 51, 10-4. Squad 51 is not available.

Engine 51, Trash container fire.

Harbor and wilmington. Harbor and wilmington.

Time out, 14:30.

Engine 51.

Well, look, Being we'’re here,

Maybe we could just come in And take a look at him.

Oh, I'’m glad to have Someone else tending

His royal majesty For a change. Come on in.

- is, uh, is this it here? - yes, right here.

- how you doing? - did you call The fire department?

- well, what on earth for? - [ man whispering ]

He'’s going fast.

- I'’m gonna get rampart. - the hospital? Oh, no.

Ma'’am, we're just gonna Make sure there'’s nothing

Seriously wrong With your husband, okay?

Oh, well, really, none Of this is really necessary.

It was just a... I just Did it to shut him up.

I mean, I never Thought he'’d panic.

- what did you do? - I...

Well, you see, my husband is Really a nice guy, usually.

But when He is sick, dramatic. He moans all the time.

I just couldn'’t Stand it anymore.

So I took some sap From my dieffenbachia plant.

I'’m a plant freak, see.

And I put some In his medicine.

It only takes Your voice away For an hour or so.

Rampart, squad 51.

51, this is rampart, Go ahead.

Rampart, we have a male In his late 40s.

He'’s in bed with the flu. Hold on for vital signs.

Bp'’s 140 over 85.

Pulse is 76.

Respiration'’s 16.

Rampart, vital signs. Bp 140 over 85,

Pulse 76, Respiration is 16.

51, do you have Any additional Information?

Uh, yes, rampart.

Dieffenbachia sap.

It was ingested Into his system, resulting In his loss of his voice.

Is dieffenbachia sap Harmful otherwise?

Dieffenbachia?

Dix, do you recall If dieffenbachia sap Is harmful?

Dieffenbachia sap Is not harmful.

It only takes Your voice away.

That'’s why it's called The mother-in-law plant.

Botany 1a.

51, suggest consulting A personal physician

If symptoms persist.

- 10-4, rampart. - [ laughs ]

You'’re all squared away.

I'’m really sorry he put You to all this trouble.

It'’s all right. It'’s better to be safe.

- "Thanks." - [ woman laughing ]

You know, I think I'’m gonna Pick up a few gallons

Of that dieffenbachia sap To use around the station.

It might come in A little handy.

Well, the only trouble With that is

Chet kelly without a voice Would be such a pathetic sight

I don'’t even think You and I could enjoy it.

Yeah. Well, Maybe you'’re right.

But it'’s still nice to know You got the ultimate weapon In case you need it.

Stanley: L.A., engine 51 requests

Squad 51 at harbor And wilmington. Code r.

[ beeping ]

Dispatcher: squad 51, l.A.

Squad 51.

Respond with engine 51, Wilmington and harbor.

Wilmington and harbor. Time out, 14:40.

Squad 51. 10-4.

- yeah. - glad you got here.

The owner of the station Looks pretty sick.

He says it'’s just The excitement,

But the pump attendant In there says

He collapsed last week, So I don'’t know.

Okay, well, We'’ll check it out.

- howdy. Hi. - hiya.

Welcome to Gus'’s service station. I'’m gus.

How you feeling?

Oh, your captain over there Is making a big thing Out of nothing.

Well, you know, That could be,

But maybe we should Take a look at you Just in case.

No. Nothing.

You know, the fire. Besides, I got a customer.

- okay. Hey, wait a minute. - hey, you all right?

- let'’s... Let's... Come on. - let'’s give you a hand here.

- I'’ll get the equipment. - all right.

- no, I'’m good. - come on, we'’re gonna Go over here

And we'’re Gonna set you down.

It'’s indigestion. Besides I got a...

You can take care Of the customer later.

Now I want you to come Over here with me And sit down, okay?

You'’re gonna Feel much better.

We'’ll sit you Right here.

Here, gus. Why don'’t you Just sit down here.

Rampart, this is Squad 51.

Go ahead, 51.

He'’s complaining Of indigestion.

Rampart, we have A male patient approximately 50 years of age.

He'’s weak and complaining Of indigestion.

Stand by, 51.

51, does the patient Have any abdominal Tenderness?

I didn'’t check. Stand by, rampart.

I'’ll take a look At your tummy here.

Hey, this Is ridiculous. Come on, cut it.

Why don'’t you guys Leave me alone and let me Go back to work?

Gus, gus, now, Just settle down.

I can'’t hear your bp When you'’re hollering Like that.

Rampart, patient has Moderate abdominal tenderness And rigidity.

Stand by for bp.

70 over 40.

Rampart, bp is 70 over 40.

51, it sounds like A perforated ulcer.

Start an iv With ringer'’s lactate And bring him in.

- 10-4, rampart. - ulcer? You'’re nuts!

I pump gas And clean windshields. I don'’t run no oil company.

Ulcers don'’t happen To guys like me.

Look, I'’m gonna go Back to work.

You guys can'’t Keep me here.

All right. Now, gus, All right. Okay, okay.

I'’m gonna call the hospital And tell them you'’re Not gonna go. All right.

Rampart, patient Is protesting.

All right, 51.

Tell him for me that he'’s Probably bleeding internally.

Without treatment he has days, Maybe hours, to live.

Get to a doctor or bleed To death, that'’s his choice.

Rampart, he heard What you said.

Let me know When he arrives.

Then grandma,

Who was really The wolf in disguise,

Said, "Ha, ha!

All the better To eat you with, my dear."

Then he made A grab for her.

[ roaring]

[ laughing ]

[ groaning]

Bill, are you all right?

Sit down.

Oh, my back.

Now, you stick around.

I want to examine you Before you leave today.

The nice thing About being young, Everything'’s funny.

I mean it, bill. I wanna check you out.

I'’m good. It'll give me Something to come back For tomorrow.

P.A.: dr. Brackett, Emergency.

Today, bill.

Let'’s take him in 1.

- all right. - thanks, fellows.

Yeah, all right.

I just don'’t Get it, doc.

Why me?

I ain'’t no executive With a high-pressure job.

I just run a gas station.

Well, let'’s put It this way.

Who has more right To an honest ulcer Than you?

Day in, day out, You'’ve got the Energy crisis,

The price squeeze, Competition.

Yeah.

Yeah. The books, The deliveries,

Window displays. Yeah. Guess you'’re right.

Sure. What I don'’t Get now, doc,

Is what keeps firemens From catching ulcers?

Okay.

Open it up.

Well, it'’s your locker.

It'’s okay. Open it up.

Stay right there And open it up.

Hold it.

[ laughs ]

Okay, now open it.

Boy, you really Don'’t trust me, do you?

[ laughs ]

P.A.: can I have A doctor in treatment 1?

Can I have a doctor In treatment 1?

Mike, have you seen Old bill?

A few minutes ago. Said he'’d be back Tomorrow.

Thanks.

John, friend Of yours is here.

She says she came To inspect your station.

Oh, well.

Thanks, I'’ll Be right there...

Cap.

My station... Oh, god.

This... This here Is the apparatus room.

Oh. Where is Your office, john?

Uh, my office.

Well, actually,

- right here. - oh.

- oh, is that it? - yeah.

See, my office Is on wheels.

- so to speak, you know. - well, john.

What'’s in here?

Oh, that'’s gear. It'’s just gear in there.

- can I see? - well, I wouldn'’t recommend...

Hey, what happened?

You'’re wet.

Yeah, I thought that stuff Was supposed to stay dry.

What do you think Happened here, cap?

I don'’t know. I guess I just lost control.

Why don'’t a couple Of you clean it up?

And, john, please, go Right on with your tour.

Little station humor.

Are you gonna let them Get away with it?

Well, I mean...

Yeah, it'’s just... I mean, I can'’t... I mean...

- [ alarm sounding ] - oh.

- I'’ve got to run. - bye.

Station 51, man down.

533 state road.

533 state road.

Cross street fairview. Time out 15:05.

Stanley: station 51. 10-4. Kmg 365.

[ siren wailing ]

[ horn blaring ]

[ knocking on door ]

Stanley: fire department.

Fire department!

Kelly, check the windows.

Okay, captain.

Hello, it'’s the fire department! Is anybody home?

Hey, cap, there'’s a guy On the floor in there.

Hey, roy, It'’s old bill.

Go ahead And pop it open, kelly.

All right, I'’ve got it.

Bill? Can you Breathe all right?

[ gasping ] Yeah. I'’m breathing, johnny.

Where'’s roy?

He'’s right here. He'’s right here. Just calm down.

I guess I finally Got sick for real.

[ gasping ] I guess--

Straighten out Your arm here.

I couldn'’t believe It at first myself.

Spend all my time hanging Around the hospital,

And then...

Then I come home

To die.

Hey, bill, we'’re not Gonna let you die.

Dix: we'’re holding A treatment room for him.

- what is it, joe? - he'’s gone into a coma, kel.

P.A.: dr. Alan. Dr. Alan, An emergency.

It'’s probably Septic shock.

Something has been attacking His system for weeks.

His complaints lately Were the same he'’s Always given us.

Muscular stiffness, Backaches.

Headaches.

Weakness, General fatigue.

Yeah, but the symptoms Are so vague.

They'’ve never Checked out before.

Dix, I want A blood culture and an ekg.

We'’ll keep you guys posted.

Thanks, doc.

You know, I just Couldn'’t believe it

When we saw old bill

Lying there On the floor like that.

Well, I guess you get So used to hearing His complaints,

After a while You just don'’t... You don'’t listen anymore.

Yeah, a lot Of us didn'’t.

You better hurry, chet. He'’s back.

The phantom Never panics.

- hey, guys! - welcome!

[ alarm sounding ]

Squad 51, a child Has swallowed ant poison.

534 claremont drive.

534 claremont drive. Time out, 16:10.

Stanley: squad 51, 10-4. Kmg 365.

Hello, I'’m mrs. Wheeler. Look, I'’m terribly sorry About all this.

Someone phoned in About a child swallowing Some ant poison.

I wasn'’t home When he called. He didn'’t take any poison.

- [ boy groaning ] - if he did, it could be Very, very serious.

No, I tell you He didn'’t.

Last week he called The police.

Said there was a python In the backyard.

And before that It was the gas company About a leak.

Well, why don'’t we just Go in and check him out Just to make sure, all right?

No, no, you'’ll only Encourage him.

Ma'’am, it's very important That we know for sure.

I'’m sure.

- roy. John. - vince.

- what'’s the problem? - boy in there May need some help,

But she won'’t give us Permission to examine him.

[ crying, groaning ]

- serious? - it looks that way from here.

Lady, you'’re obstructing A rescue.

Now, please, get back Out of the way.

Thank you.

[ crying, groaning ]

Mom, I'’m sorry. I'’m sorry.

We'’ll need The hospital.

[ sobbing, panting ]

Rampart, the patient Is diaphoretic

And is complaining Of abdominal pains.

His pupils Are responsive.

Kelly: 10-4, 51.

Start an iv with d5w.

Administer one milligram Atropine iv.

Insert gastric tube And begin lavage.

Transport as soon As possible.

We'’ll keep The line open.

- [ siren wailing ] - 10-4, rampart.

Rampart, the ambulance Is now at the scene.

[ boy panting ]

All right.

It'’s okay.

Okay.

You'’re okay.

I'’ll take your helmet in.

- all right? - yeah.

You can ride with us In the ambulance if you want.

Ma'’am, you're gonna have To ride in the front. Okay?

- all right. - ride in the front.

Rampart, patient has gone Into respiratory arrest.

Request esophageal airway.

- 10-4 on that, 51. - 10-4.

All right, bag him.

Yeah, real good.

P.A.: dr. Alex lopez. Dr. Alex lopez.

We'’re ready in 3.

I'’m sorry. You'll have To wait out here.

There was nothing Any of us could do.

Yeah.

How is he? Is he gonna be okay?

I'’m sorry.

I thought he was just trying To get attention.

[ sobs ]

He was always trying To get attention.

How did it go At rampart, roy? Kid pull through?

No.

Hey, john, don'’t.

- huh? - just don'’t.

What'’s the matter?

Oh, man.

The phantom doesn'’t like To strike at times like this.

Well, when you see The phantom,

Tell him thank you For both of us, will you?

Yeah.

Oh, he knows. The phantom knows.

He'’s everywhere.

He knows how much you guys Tried to do for the kid.

This is the four-year History on it.

I'’m not really sure how long She'’s going to be able To maintain it.

You know, you were right About old bill, kel.

Bone disease.

Osteomyelitis And then septic shock.

Yeah, and we got it In time, too.

Good. Thanks, joe.

Joe, I need to talk To you about... I got this x-ray...

[ mumbling ]

Hi.

Hi.

Be right back.

It'’s bill. He'’s coming around.

Brought one of your friends In to see you.

You really are A friend, doc.

Giving me This nice room and...

The most beautiful nurse In the hospital.

Well, you know, bill, We'’re gonna have to keep

A close eye on you For some time,

Even after You'’re released.

Really?

We wanna see you Back here every day Until you feel 100%.

I haven'’t been 100% In longer than I can remember.

But I feel Pretty close right--

Well... Pretty close.

[ alarm sounding ]

Station 51, engine 18.

Vehicle accident at the dump. 115 waldo road.

115 waldo road. Time out, 17:50.

Stanley: station 51. 10-4. Kmg 365.

[ horn blaring ]

Bulldozer came off that cliff Onto the dump truck.

There'’s a man trapped Inside the cab Of that truck!

Okay, we'’ve got A man trapped.

The driver Of the bulldozer Is over there.

I think he'’s got A broken leg.

All right. I'’ll get the man in the cab.

Gotta get the jaws.

L.A., engine 51. Return engine 18.

Engine 51. Engine 18, cancel.

- I got it. - thank you.

It'’s my leg.

- feel anything else? - no.

It feels like It'’s broken.

I'’ll take that.

When that cliff first Started coming down,

I'’d have settled For anything.

Yeah, it must'’ve been Quite a ride.

Quite a ride.

Johnny: he'’s conscious!

Rampart, this is squad 51.

Go ahead, 51.

We have two victims.

Number one has a broken tibia, Which we'’ve splinted.

And number two is still Inaccessible, please stand by.

10-4, 51. Standing by.

Johnny: get...

Okay. Pull him back.

Okay. Put him down Right here. Over here.

Joe?

Where'’s joe?

Hold it. Hold it. Joe?

Who'’s joe?

He'’s my partner. He was in the back

Of the truck When we got clobbered.

All right. Just relax.

Here, I got him. Over here.

Let'’s get him Out of here.

Here he is. Watch that.

Let'’s get him out of here. Take him over there.

All right, this way.

Let'’s turn him over.

All right, We got a pulse.

We got a pulse Over here!

Johnny: rampart, All three victims Are stabilized,

And we'’re getting ready To transport.

51, what'’s your eta?

Approximately 20 minutes, rampart.

10-4, 51.

[ whistling ]

Hey, I just got off the phone With that lovely young lady.

She'’s got a sitter For tomorrow night. We got a date.

You'’re kidding.

No, I'’m not kidding.

Hey, are we gonna Eat off the table?

- huh? - hey, are we gonna Eat off the table?

Oh, no, no... Eat off the table.

[ all laughing ]

Well, it do look like The phantom got caught.