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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,667 --> 00:00:04,302 Franny, read me my horoscope. 2 00:00:04,369 --> 00:00:07,205 Okay. Scorpio: 3 00:00:07,272 --> 00:00:09,707 tomorrow you will awaken... 4 00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:10,709 Woo-hoo! 5 00:00:10,776 --> 00:00:13,544 ( laughter ) 6 00:00:13,612 --> 00:00:16,198 What are you 'woo-hooing'? I didn't say anything. 7 00:00:16,199 --> 00:00:18,949 I heard 'tomorrow' and 'awaken'. I'm cool. 8 00:00:19,017 --> 00:00:21,185 ( laughter ) 9 00:00:21,253 --> 00:00:24,121 Ah, Fran, my philosophy professor 10 00:00:24,189 --> 00:00:29,327 has so opened my eyes to realize that my eyes may not even be open. 11 00:00:29,395 --> 00:00:30,835 - Wow. - I mean, 12 00:00:30,896 --> 00:00:34,165 I may not even have eyes. I may not even exist. 13 00:00:34,232 --> 00:00:38,036 Now, well, according to your father, neither do I. 14 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,738 ( laughter ) 15 00:00:40,806 --> 00:00:44,409 I mean, do you realize that 'red' may not even be 'red'? 16 00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:46,944 I mean, 'blue' may not even be 'blue'! 17 00:00:47,012 --> 00:00:50,181 Well, thank God that grey can still become black 18 00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:53,184 according to my mentor, Lady Clairol. 19 00:00:53,252 --> 00:00:54,252 Ha-ha-ha. 20 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,021 ( laughter ) 21 00:00:57,356 --> 00:00:59,324 You know what else, Steve says? 22 00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:01,993 You call your professor 'Steve'? 23 00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:04,262 Well, just over cappuccinos. 24 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,798 You're having cappuccinos with 'Steve'? 25 00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:11,402 Uh, you're talking too much, honey. Daddy's getting nervous. Shutty-uppy. 26 00:01:11,470 --> 00:01:12,870 ( laughter ) 27 00:01:12,938 --> 00:01:15,039 Well, of course I'm getting nervous. 28 00:01:15,107 --> 00:01:17,995 And older, distinguished man. A young beautiful 29 00:01:18,007 --> 00:01:20,545 woman right under his nose day after day? 30 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:22,247 What do you think's gonna happen? 31 00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:25,116 Well, according to my experience: nothing! 32 00:01:25,184 --> 00:01:27,685 ( laughter ) 33 00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:29,342 Fran, I want you to go down to that 34 00:01:29,354 --> 00:01:31,355 university and talk to Margaret's professor. 35 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:34,125 He probably has nothing but sex on the brain. 36 00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:35,560 I've had worse assignments. 37 00:01:35,661 --> 00:01:37,162 ( laughter ) 38 00:01:37,229 --> 00:01:38,930 I'm not joking. 39 00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:42,366 Oh, come on. Now, what's it gonna look like if I go down there? 40 00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:44,369 I mean, the girl's 18 years old. 41 00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:46,003 I don't care if she's 35. 42 00:01:46,071 --> 00:01:47,873 Which isn't old, either. 43 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:49,841 ( laughter ) 44 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:52,210 You are her nanny. Now, go, please. 45 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:54,078 Alright. 46 00:01:54,146 --> 00:01:57,148 I'll go too and pick up a little education 47 00:01:57,216 --> 00:01:58,583 No. 48 00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:01,987 I can only keep Sammy happy in the bedroom for so long. 49 00:02:02,054 --> 00:02:04,255 Sooner or later he's gonna want to talk. 50 00:02:04,323 --> 00:02:05,790 ( laughter ) 51 00:02:08,694 --> 00:02:11,262 ♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪ 52 00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:14,665 ♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes ♪ 53 00:02:14,733 --> 00:02:19,603 ♪ What was she to do, where was she to go She was out on her fanny ♪ 54 00:02:19,671 --> 00:02:22,240 ♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪ 55 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,343 ♪ She was there to sell make up but the father saw more ♪ 56 00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:30,515 ♪ She had style, she had flair, she was there, That's how she became the Nanny ♪ 57 00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:33,484 ♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we described ♪ 58 00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,653 ♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪ 59 00:02:35,721 --> 00:02:37,188 ♪ The father finds her beguiling ♪ 60 00:02:37,256 --> 00:02:38,523 ♪ Watch out C.C. ♪ 61 00:02:38,590 --> 00:02:39,870 ♪ The kids are actually smiling ♪ 62 00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:41,826 ♪ Such joie de vivre ♪ 63 00:02:41,894 --> 00:02:46,798 ♪ She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan ♪ 64 00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:50,468 ♪ The flashy girl from Flushing, the Nanny named Fran. ♪ 65 00:03:00,212 --> 00:03:03,781 Oh, I remember when I went to school. 66 00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:07,319 I used to walk past the daisy field carrying 67 00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:09,921 my little metal lunch pail. 68 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,357 Pa was chopping wood... 69 00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:16,228 Yetta, Yetta. That's the opening sequence to Little House On The Prairie. 70 00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,363 ( laughter ) 71 00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:22,100 Excuse me, are you Professor Steve? 72 00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:24,803 ( Applause ) 73 00:03:27,372 --> 00:03:29,006 Hello. 74 00:03:29,074 --> 00:03:31,575 You ought to be ashamed of yourself, 75 00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:36,080 a grown man taking advantage of innocent young women. 76 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,017 Do you do any private tutoring? 77 00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:41,252 ( laughter ) 78 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,422 Yetta, Yetta, go wait for me downstairs, 79 00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:46,724 just don't lie down anywhere near 'pre-med'. 80 00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:49,527 ( laughter ) 81 00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:53,464 Well, Professor Steve, I'm here because Mr. Sheffield 82 00:03:53,532 --> 00:03:56,066 is very concerned that you might be paying just 83 00:03:56,134 --> 00:03:59,421 a little too much attention to his daughter. 84 00:03:59,422 --> 00:04:02,607 Oh, no, no, I give all of my students special attention. 85 00:04:02,674 --> 00:04:06,411 Some of them just misinterpret it. Now look at these notes that I've collected here. 86 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,147 "Dear Steve, I love you. Ashley", 87 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,349 "I get lost in your eyes. Karen", 88 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,652 "You look sexy when you don't shave, Phillip". 89 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:15,953 ( laughter ) 90 00:04:16,021 --> 00:04:17,355 Oh... 91 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,891 Third row. Bette Midler sweatshirt. 92 00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:25,263 Well, the point is you're not interested in Maggie, and that's what I came to find out. 93 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,732 Now I feel like I earned my six bucks an hour. 94 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,834 Oh, wow. 95 00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,469 What? 96 00:04:31,536 --> 00:04:34,139 My horoscope said that I would meet a beautiful brunette with 97 00:04:34,206 --> 00:04:36,574 big brown eyes and an exotic accent. 98 00:04:36,641 --> 00:04:38,409 Get out of here. 99 00:04:38,477 --> 00:04:39,745 ( laughter ) 100 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:41,946 No, no, see I'm really into astrology. 101 00:04:42,014 --> 00:04:43,080 Oh... 102 00:04:43,148 --> 00:04:44,782 What's the date and time of your birth? 103 00:04:44,783 --> 00:04:47,018 Oh, 5 p.m., November 26. 104 00:04:47,085 --> 00:04:50,445 Yeah, Ma had them induce labor so she wouldn't miss the Thanksgiving meal. 105 00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:52,389 Uh, what year? 106 00:04:52,457 --> 00:04:53,958 1970. 107 00:04:54,025 --> 00:04:55,226 ( laughter ) 108 00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:57,595 Oh, we are so compatible. 109 00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:59,530 You want to get dinner some time? 110 00:04:59,598 --> 00:05:03,401 Oh, that's very flattering but I'm actually seeing 111 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,404 a therapist about this very problem. 112 00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:08,072 ( laughter ) 113 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:09,274 So I'm not your type? 114 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,876 That's so not it. 115 00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:13,645 ( laughter ) 116 00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:17,148 I'm just late for my 'Doormats-Without-Partners' meeting. 117 00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:18,382 Well, how about Saturday? 118 00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:19,784 - I'm sorry but... - Oh... 119 00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:20,918 What? 120 00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:22,586 That's my nephew's Bar Mitzvah. 121 00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,055 Oh. 122 00:05:24,122 --> 00:05:25,823 ( laughter ) 123 00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:27,892 ( music ) 124 00:05:32,964 --> 00:05:36,834 Lo juro, Carmencita, es verdad. Yo soy tu papá. 125 00:05:36,902 --> 00:05:39,370 Ay, no, papa. 126 00:05:39,437 --> 00:05:41,239 ( laughter ) 127 00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:45,876 Why the hell are you watching a Spanish soap opera? 128 00:05:45,944 --> 00:05:46,944 Shh... 129 00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:48,513 Something big just happened. 130 00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:49,580 What? 131 00:05:49,648 --> 00:05:51,215 I have no idea. 132 00:05:51,283 --> 00:05:54,552 ( laughter ) 133 00:05:54,619 --> 00:05:59,357 Oh, Niles, just when I think you are so pathetic, you go and top yourself. 134 00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,059 ( laughter ) 135 00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:03,928 Well, I'm sorry, we can't all learn Spanish the way you did, 136 00:06:03,995 --> 00:06:06,430 chasing frightened tourists down the streets of Pamplona. 137 00:06:06,498 --> 00:06:09,000 ( laughter ) 138 00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:12,403 Os he engañado. Daniel es su hermano. 139 00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:15,206 ( laughter ) 140 00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:17,908 Excuse me, sir, I have to sweep Master Brighton's room. 141 00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:19,577 You mean the room with the broken 142 00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:21,078 ( with Spanish accent ) television? 143 00:06:21,146 --> 00:06:22,547 ( laughter ) 144 00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:25,516 I meant the living room. 145 00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:27,919 ( laughter ) 146 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,423 Well, Miss Fine, how'd it go with Margaret's professor? 147 00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:34,959 Oh, well, uh, better than I expected. 148 00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,961 Wait, wait, I want to know what happened. 149 00:06:37,028 --> 00:06:40,999 Um, nothing. Nothing. He's not at all interested in Maggie. 150 00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,433 He's interested in me. 151 00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:44,702 What? What do you mean he's interested in you? 152 00:06:44,769 --> 00:06:47,522 Well, look, calm down, just calm down. You know, 153 00:06:47,534 --> 00:06:50,074 he asked me out on a date. I didn't say yes. 154 00:06:50,142 --> 00:06:51,208 Good. 155 00:06:51,276 --> 00:06:52,543 I didn't say no, either. 156 00:06:52,611 --> 00:06:53,644 ( laughter ) 157 00:06:53,712 --> 00:06:55,713 What do you mean you didn't say no? 158 00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:57,749 Well, should I have? 159 00:06:57,816 --> 00:06:58,849 Well, of course. 160 00:06:58,917 --> 00:07:01,786 Why? Do I have any prior engagements? 161 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,020 ( laughter ) 162 00:07:03,088 --> 00:07:04,656 Miss Fine... 163 00:07:04,723 --> 00:07:06,824 Mr. Sheffield, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. 164 00:07:06,892 --> 00:07:10,127 I mean, a man asks me out and I say, 'I can't, 165 00:07:10,195 --> 00:07:12,630 I'm in a totally monogamous relationship'. 166 00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:15,900 The only part I leave out is that I'm in it by myself. 167 00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,502 ( laughter ) 168 00:07:17,569 --> 00:07:19,704 Miss Fine, what do you want me to say? 169 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:23,474 I would like you to give me one good reason why I should not say yes to this man. 170 00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:25,681 I should have thought that was pretty obvious. 171 00:07:25,693 --> 00:07:27,478 But do you want me to go ahead say it? 172 00:07:27,545 --> 00:07:29,214 - Please, would you? - Fine, I'll say it. 173 00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:31,449 I'll say it could... It could hurt Margaret. 174 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,951 ( laughter ) 175 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:36,854 Oh well, you know, if this was a cartoon, right now, 176 00:07:36,922 --> 00:07:39,924 you would be strapped to the back of an Acme moon rocket. 177 00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:42,360 ( laughter ) 178 00:07:42,427 --> 00:07:46,096 Maggie could care less if I go out with Steve. 179 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,465 What? 180 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,901 How could you do this to me, Fran? I hate you. 181 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:53,071 Oh, Gosh. 182 00:07:53,138 --> 00:07:58,008 Now this right on the heels of Brighton crashing the Mercedes. 183 00:07:58,077 --> 00:07:59,444 Oh my... 184 00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:01,546 ( laughter ) 185 00:08:01,613 --> 00:08:04,915 We don't own a Mercedes, Miss Fine! 186 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,818 ( laughter ) 187 00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:12,223 ( knocking ) 188 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,657 Max: I know you're in there. 189 00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:15,659 Well, move over, Colombo. 190 00:08:15,727 --> 00:08:17,728 ( laughter ) 191 00:08:17,796 --> 00:08:20,598 Oh, Maggie, I'm so sorry. 192 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:25,370 I had no idea by the way you were acting that you had a crush on Steve. 193 00:08:25,437 --> 00:08:27,371 Well, Fran, what am I supposed to do? 194 00:08:27,439 --> 00:08:30,407 Parade around in some tight little sweater and throw myself at him? 195 00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:32,342 That's so desperate. 196 00:08:32,410 --> 00:08:34,645 ( laughter ) 197 00:08:34,713 --> 00:08:37,715 You know, you kids have no respect for the classics. 198 00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,650 ( laughter ) 199 00:08:39,718 --> 00:08:42,320 Honey, you know, if you don't want me to go out with him, 200 00:08:42,387 --> 00:08:45,255 just say so. I respect your feelings. 201 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:47,558 Well, I don't want you to go out with him. 202 00:08:47,626 --> 00:08:50,928 Well, then I won't go out with him. 203 00:08:50,996 --> 00:08:55,533 I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you. 204 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,435 I love you too, Fran. 205 00:08:57,502 --> 00:09:01,205 Then please let me go out with him. 206 00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:05,409 I'm going to grow old and die waiting for your father. 207 00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:09,881 You're so young and blonde and rich. 208 00:09:09,948 --> 00:09:13,751 You can have a zillion good-looking goyish guys. 209 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:18,890 How many gorgeous Jewish guys are there still left that are single at my age? 210 00:09:18,957 --> 00:09:23,695 ( Crying ) Oh, please, Maggie, let me go out with him. Please. 211 00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:26,664 ( laughter ) 212 00:09:26,731 --> 00:09:29,433 Fran, I guess you do kind of have a point. 213 00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:32,770 I mean, it is harder to find a guy at your age. 214 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:35,239 And I am young. 215 00:09:35,307 --> 00:09:37,841 And you are old. 216 00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:41,078 ( laughter ) 217 00:09:41,146 --> 00:09:43,480 Oh, okay. You can go out with him. 218 00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:46,751 Oh, thank you for your mercy. Thank you! 219 00:09:46,818 --> 00:09:48,418 ( laughter ) 220 00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:49,486 ( knocking ) 221 00:09:49,554 --> 00:09:51,194 Max: I'm waiting... 222 00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:53,124 How's it feel? 223 00:09:53,191 --> 00:09:54,358 ( laughter ) 224 00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:56,827 ( music ) 225 00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:05,503 ( knocking ) 226 00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:08,651 I'm just gonna forget about Maxwell Sheffield and have a good time. 227 00:10:09,674 --> 00:10:11,008 - Hi, hi. - Hi. 228 00:10:11,075 --> 00:10:12,343 Hello, hello. 229 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:14,912 Max, Max, easy now Max. 230 00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:15,813 Max? 231 00:10:15,981 --> 00:10:17,614 ( Dog barking ) 232 00:10:17,682 --> 00:10:18,682 Uh, good doggie. 233 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,684 Max takes a while to warm up to you. 234 00:10:20,752 --> 00:10:22,019 Yeah... ( chuckles ) 235 00:10:22,086 --> 00:10:23,621 I know the breed. 236 00:10:23,688 --> 00:10:25,490 ( laughter ) 237 00:10:25,491 --> 00:10:26,657 Okay. 238 00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:28,125 Come on in, make yourself comfortable. 239 00:10:28,193 --> 00:10:29,993 - Thank you. - I'll just check on dinner. 240 00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:32,195 Okay, great, thank you. 241 00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:36,401 ( Thinking ) Oh, this whole thing feels so wrong. 242 00:10:36,468 --> 00:10:38,969 No, I'm just gonna make an excuse. 243 00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,538 I gotta get out of here. 244 00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:42,573 Steve: I make a killer lasagna. 245 00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:44,375 ( thinking ) I don't wanna be rude. 246 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:45,943 ( laughter ) 247 00:10:53,551 --> 00:10:56,154 So, Max. 248 00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:59,490 ( laughter ) 249 00:10:59,557 --> 00:11:01,058 Well, this is freaky. 250 00:11:01,126 --> 00:11:02,693 ( laughter ) 251 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,695 Would you like red wine or white? 252 00:11:04,763 --> 00:11:07,464 Um, blueberry? 253 00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:08,866 How did I know that? 254 00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:10,868 ( laughter ) 255 00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:13,003 Oh. Okay. 256 00:11:13,071 --> 00:11:14,772 So, Fran. 257 00:11:15,006 --> 00:11:15,772 Mm? 258 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,841 Before you got here, I did a chart. 259 00:11:17,909 --> 00:11:19,076 Oh? 260 00:11:19,144 --> 00:11:22,280 And your planets are very well-aligned. 261 00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:23,981 Hehe. 262 00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:27,351 Well, actually, one moon is a little lower than the other. 263 00:11:27,419 --> 00:11:28,853 I take after my mother. 264 00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:30,455 ( laughter ) 265 00:11:31,789 --> 00:11:34,191 There's that cute little giggle. 266 00:11:34,259 --> 00:11:38,729 Well, don't get me too into this stuff or I'll be laughing all night. ( giggling ) 267 00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:39,930 Oh. 268 00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:41,199 ( laughter ) 269 00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:43,634 So, you need me to help you or anything? 270 00:11:43,701 --> 00:11:47,037 No, no, no. I'm doing all the work. You just lie back 271 00:11:47,105 --> 00:11:48,572 and don't do anything. 272 00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:49,740 Hehe. Okay. 273 00:11:51,309 --> 00:11:53,110 ( laughter ) 274 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:57,948 Okay, Max. You can go now. 275 00:11:58,016 --> 00:11:59,984 There's not enough room on this couch for three. 276 00:12:00,051 --> 00:12:01,418 ( laughter ) 277 00:12:01,486 --> 00:12:04,288 Alright, let's go. Move it. 278 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,690 ( laughter ) 279 00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:09,827 Max, would you marry me? 280 00:12:09,894 --> 00:12:12,429 ( laughter ) 281 00:12:19,604 --> 00:12:21,072 Works every time. 282 00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:23,707 ( laughter ) 283 00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:30,114 ( music ) 284 00:12:43,995 --> 00:12:44,995 Niles? 285 00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:48,566 Niles? 286 00:12:50,668 --> 00:12:52,769 Niles are you awake? 287 00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:56,807 Niles: Yes, sir, I'm just getting my papers ready for my route. 288 00:12:56,874 --> 00:13:00,511 ( laughter ) 289 00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:06,317 Uh, sorry old man. Look, do we have any of that microwave popcorn? 290 00:13:06,384 --> 00:13:09,886 Niles: Do you see that box right in front of you on the counter 291 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,888 marked 'microwave popcorn'? 292 00:13:11,956 --> 00:13:13,790 ( laughter ) 293 00:13:15,193 --> 00:13:16,393 Yep. 294 00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:17,694 Niles: Try that. 295 00:13:17,762 --> 00:13:19,897 ( laughter ) 296 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,033 Alrighty. 297 00:13:23,101 --> 00:13:26,570 You'd better not be such a chatterbox. You won't be able to get back to sleep. 298 00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:29,072 ( laughter ) 299 00:13:40,885 --> 00:13:41,885 Niles? 300 00:13:43,855 --> 00:13:45,289 - Niles? - What? 301 00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:48,092 ( laughter ) 302 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,996 Well, uh, you didn't have to come all the way down here. I could have done it myself. 303 00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:53,397 Oh, just give me that. 304 00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,032 ( laughter ) 305 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,108 ( sighs ) 306 00:14:04,175 --> 00:14:05,742 Is something troubling you, sir? 307 00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:09,279 Oh, Miss Fine. I mean, I... I'm just fine. 308 00:14:09,347 --> 00:14:11,214 ( laughter ) 309 00:14:11,282 --> 00:14:13,250 Whenever I can't sleep 310 00:14:13,318 --> 00:14:16,921 it's usually because there's something on my mind that's gnawing at me. 311 00:14:16,988 --> 00:14:18,689 Making my guts twist. 312 00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:21,192 Alright, alright, alright. I admit it. 313 00:14:21,259 --> 00:14:23,426 I'm jealous. There. Alright? 314 00:14:23,494 --> 00:14:27,431 It's driving me crazy, her being out with some other man. 315 00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:31,401 I can share these feelings with you because I'm not in love with you. 316 00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:32,869 ( laughter ) 317 00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:36,707 Well, nobody looks good at two in the morning. 318 00:14:36,774 --> 00:14:38,208 ( laughter ) 319 00:14:38,276 --> 00:14:40,878 ( music ) 320 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:48,752 Por favor, Carmencita, no, no! 321 00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,254 ( music ) 322 00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:53,424 ( gunshot ) 323 00:14:56,361 --> 00:14:59,997 ( in Spanish ) No, ay, Carmencita! 324 00:15:05,236 --> 00:15:07,538 Carmencita shoot papa? 325 00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:09,707 Sí. 326 00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:13,210 ( In Spanish ) - Es papa... - Muerte. 327 00:15:13,278 --> 00:15:15,146 ( laughter ) 328 00:15:16,914 --> 00:15:20,251 Honestly, do the two of you have nothing better to do 329 00:15:20,318 --> 00:15:23,220 than watch this dribble in the middle of the afternoon? 330 00:15:23,288 --> 00:15:26,757 ( In Spanish ) Es un problema... muy pesado. 331 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,425 ( laughter ) 332 00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:33,797 Well, you were out rather late last night, I think. 333 00:15:33,865 --> 00:15:36,167 ( laughter ) 334 00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:38,902 Well, I had such a wonderful time with Steve. 335 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:42,740 He made me a delicious dinner and he rented a video: 336 00:15:42,807 --> 00:15:43,908 "The Commitments." 337 00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:45,743 ( laughter ) 338 00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:47,611 So are you planning on seeing him again? 339 00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:48,679 ( Doorbell rings ) 340 00:15:48,746 --> 00:15:50,681 Yep. 341 00:15:50,748 --> 00:15:51,782 I'll get it. 342 00:15:53,518 --> 00:15:55,086 Hi. I'm here to see Fran. 343 00:15:55,153 --> 00:15:56,287 You're Steve? 344 00:15:56,354 --> 00:15:58,456 Ho ho ho, Dad. 345 00:15:58,523 --> 00:16:00,424 ( laughter ) 346 00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:02,726 I don't know. She could still pick you. 347 00:16:02,994 --> 00:16:04,661 ( laughter ) 348 00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:08,599 - Hi, Fran. - Hi, Steve. 349 00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:11,969 This is Mr. Sheffield. Mr. Sheffield, this is Steve. 350 00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:15,205 You see, I call him Steve, he calls me Fran, 351 00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:18,608 we've known each other two days, that's all I want to say. 352 00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:21,312 ( laughter ) 353 00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:23,914 Steve, Maxwell Sheffield. 354 00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,582 I understand you teach philosophy. 355 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:26,716 Mm. 356 00:16:26,784 --> 00:16:28,518 The study of objective thought. 357 00:16:28,586 --> 00:16:32,622 Yet I hear you're into astrology: past time of the tooty-fruity. 358 00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,591 ( laughter ) 359 00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:36,226 That's all I want to say. 360 00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:39,095 ( laughter ) 361 00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:42,633 Ooh, the boy is right, he is smoking. 362 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:43,901 ( laughter ) 363 00:16:43,968 --> 00:16:46,904 Hello, Steve. C.C. Babcock. 364 00:16:46,971 --> 00:16:50,908 I understand you're a professor and you're going out with Nanny Fine. 365 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:55,278 What's the matter, research won't give you a chimp? Ha ha ha. 366 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,515 Ha ha ha ha. 367 00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,517 If you didn't have toilet paper on your shoe 368 00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:02,619 I would be so upset with you right now. 369 00:17:02,687 --> 00:17:03,887 ( laughter ) 370 00:17:03,955 --> 00:17:06,957 So, tell me, Steve. What do you wanna do tonight? 371 00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:10,861 Uh, Fran, I have to break up with you. 372 00:17:10,928 --> 00:17:15,632 Oh, I was thinking of seeing the Titanic, but apparently I'm already on it. 373 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:16,901 ( laughter ) 374 00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:19,570 Uh, the thing is I saw my psychic today. 375 00:17:19,637 --> 00:17:23,306 And she said that I should be in a relationship with a woman older than you. 376 00:17:23,374 --> 00:17:26,410 That is ridiculous. Who's older than you? 377 00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:28,045 ( laughter ) 378 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:30,447 Come on, you were born in 1970. 379 00:17:30,515 --> 00:17:33,917 I was? Oh yeah, I was. Give or take a year or six. 380 00:17:33,985 --> 00:17:35,152 ( laughter ) 381 00:17:35,219 --> 00:17:38,155 Fran, I feel terrible about this, but 382 00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:41,324 my psychic sees me with a woman in her mid-thirties, 383 00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:46,664 having kids, getting married, living in a split-level house in Great Neck. 384 00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:50,167 What if I told you I was 34? 385 00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:53,236 Come on, Fran. I'd never believe that. 386 00:17:53,304 --> 00:17:55,873 You're right. Who am I kidding? 387 00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,942 ( laughter ) 388 00:18:03,314 --> 00:18:04,882 Niles? 389 00:18:06,017 --> 00:18:07,684 Niles? 390 00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:10,153 ( laughter ) 391 00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:13,623 Niles? Are you asleep? 392 00:18:13,691 --> 00:18:17,794 Niles: No, I was just going out to the barn to milk Bessie. 393 00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,663 ( laughter ) 394 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,834 Niles, remember last week when I told you 395 00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:27,804 to hide that Miss Louisiana Crunch Cake 'cause Ma was coming over? 396 00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:29,172 - Just sit down. - Agh! 397 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:35,078 ( laughter ) 398 00:18:36,914 --> 00:18:38,282 ( sighs ) 399 00:18:38,349 --> 00:18:39,949 What's wrong? 400 00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:44,354 What kind of an idiot breaks up such a positive relationship 401 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:49,459 just because some dumb dumb psychic said that he should date an older woman? 402 00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:52,329 Well, you call the Psychic Friends Network. 403 00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:55,632 That is Dionne Warwick. That's an entirely different thing. 404 00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:57,967 God knows what kind of a quack he's talking to. 405 00:18:58,035 --> 00:18:59,837 ( laughter ) 406 00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:03,674 Why don't you just tell him how old you really are? 407 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:07,711 Why don't you just take a dip in the Dead Sea with a hemorrhoid? 408 00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:12,049 ( laughter ) 409 00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,885 He wants an older woman. 410 00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:17,020 Well, he should like me for who I am. 411 00:19:17,088 --> 00:19:19,189 But that's not who you are. 412 00:19:19,257 --> 00:19:22,693 Mr. Sheffield accepts that I was born in 1970. 413 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,794 Yes, but he knows you're lying. 414 00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:27,364 ( laughter ) 415 00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:31,801 Well, that's my point, exactly. He accepts me for the woman I'm really not. 416 00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:34,104 ( laughter ) 417 00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:37,874 Why am I dating these nutjobs anyway? 418 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,511 Mr. Sheffield and I belong together. 419 00:19:40,578 --> 00:19:43,547 But why are you telling me? Go upstairs and tell him. 420 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:47,417 Niles, I'm gonna wake him up at 2 o'clock in the morning? 421 00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,919 That is so inconsiderate. 422 00:19:49,987 --> 00:19:51,054 ( laughter ) 423 00:19:51,122 --> 00:19:52,122 I won't do it. 424 00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:55,291 ( Doorbell rings ) 425 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,161 Fran, the guy who dumped you is back again. 426 00:19:58,229 --> 00:20:00,864 Shhh! 427 00:20:00,932 --> 00:20:02,699 What the heck is he doing here? 428 00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:05,803 I don't want to see him. How's my lipstick? 429 00:20:05,870 --> 00:20:07,003 Alright, let him in. 430 00:20:11,142 --> 00:20:12,509 Hi Fran. 431 00:20:12,577 --> 00:20:13,577 These are for you. 432 00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:16,279 Look who's here. 433 00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:21,318 Well, did the psychic tell you you'd come crawling back carrying your diapers? 434 00:20:21,385 --> 00:20:23,787 'Cause I could've saved you that $50. 435 00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:28,158 Actually, I just thought you might like them. 436 00:20:28,226 --> 00:20:30,460 Phillip left them on my desk. 437 00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:32,229 Oh. 438 00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:33,697 And, Fran, 439 00:20:33,764 --> 00:20:35,332 my psychic was right. 440 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,635 I've met an older woman who I really like. 441 00:20:38,703 --> 00:20:42,739 Well, who cares? I wouldn't date you if you whistle Dixie. 442 00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:45,743 ( Whistling ) 443 00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:47,644 ( laughter ) 444 00:20:47,712 --> 00:20:49,747 Don't wait up. 445 00:20:49,814 --> 00:20:52,716 ( Whistling ) 446 00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:54,885 ( laughter ) 447 00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:04,194 ( laughter ) 448 00:21:06,063 --> 00:21:07,097 Miss Fine? 449 00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:09,433 ( laughter ) 450 00:21:11,736 --> 00:21:14,171 - Yes, Mr. Sheffield? - Did I hear Steve? 451 00:21:14,238 --> 00:21:18,208 Yes, you did. He was here, but I sent him away. 452 00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:21,778 Because I knew that you were so jealous that I was dating him, 453 00:21:21,846 --> 00:21:23,947 and I didn't want fist fighting to break out... 454 00:21:24,015 --> 00:21:25,182 Niles told me everything. 455 00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:26,649 Oh, I'm such a loser. 456 00:21:26,717 --> 00:21:29,052 ( laughter ) 457 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,856 Now I'm lying about two relationships I don't have. 458 00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:34,691 ( laughter ) 459 00:21:34,759 --> 00:21:38,728 Oh, Miss Fine. I tell you what, I'll buy you a drink. 460 00:21:38,796 --> 00:21:42,333 Oh, don't forget to bring your ID just in case they want to card you. 461 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,401 Oh, Mr. Sheffield. 462 00:21:45,469 --> 00:21:46,469 ( laughter ) 463 00:21:48,973 --> 00:21:50,374 I love you. 464 00:21:50,441 --> 00:21:53,010 - We love you too, Niles. - We love you too, Niles. 465 00:21:53,077 --> 00:21:55,145 ( laughter ) 466 00:22:01,252 --> 00:22:03,487 Hey Max, up here. 467 00:22:03,554 --> 00:22:07,024 Good boy. Okay, Max, speak, speak! 468 00:22:07,091 --> 00:22:08,091 ( Barks ) 469 00:22:08,159 --> 00:22:10,527 Good boy! Down, Max. 470 00:22:10,594 --> 00:22:12,595 Down, Max. Good boy. 471 00:22:12,663 --> 00:22:14,465 Kiss me, Max. 472 00:22:14,532 --> 00:22:17,133 ( Chuckles ) 473 00:22:17,201 --> 00:22:19,469 If only life was this easy. 474 00:22:19,537 --> 00:22:22,205 ( laughter ) 475 00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:24,574 ( applause ) 33845

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