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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Hi!
2
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Your grandmother
is such a sucker.
3
00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:13,311
She thinks she's a finalist in Ed
McMahon's Publishers' Clearing House.
4
00:00:13,378 --> 00:00:17,682
You're just jealous because
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
5
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You better be nice to me because
I got a very long memory.
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( laughter )
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Waitress, could I get
a cup of decaf?
8
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,059
( laughter )
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I got a letter for you.
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Oh...
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00:00:34,767 --> 00:00:36,901
From Cambodia...
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00:00:36,969 --> 00:00:39,438
( laughter )
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Cambodia? Oh, my Gosh.
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Pack your bags,
we'll hide her out in Canada.
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( laughter )
16
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Oh, look, Val,
it's from Mai Ling.
17
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:54,319
Who's Mai Ling?
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Oy, these two mashuganas
adopted an orphan in High School
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at 17 cents a day.
20
00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:04,696
What a steal.
Bell Peppers are 4.99 a pound.
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( laughter )
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Ma, we weren't mashiginas,
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that poor child happens
to come from a country
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where you gotta scrape and scrounge and
fight for every last morsel of food.
25
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- Just give me a...
- Get away or I'll kill ya.
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( laughter )
27
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Fran, she's coming to New York
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- three weeks from the date of this letter.
- Oh!
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Which is tomorrow!
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Ma!
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Oh, I'm sorry, I taped it
to the refrigerator to
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give it to you and then
I forgot it was there.
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Well, that's because the
refrigerator door is never closed.
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( laughter )
35
00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:51,976
Oh, Fran.
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I can't believe our
little girl is coming to see us.
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Ah...
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I wonder which one of us
she'll look like.
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( laughter )
40
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Val, she's not going
to look like either of us,
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because she's adopted.
42
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- Oy.
- Ah, yeah.
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Oy. Am I an idiot?
44
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- No.
- Oh.
45
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Well, let's just pray
she inherited your brains.
46
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( laughter )
47
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She's got a very good heart.
48
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So does an artichoke.
49
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( laughter )
50
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♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens, ♪
51
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♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪
52
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♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go She was out on her fanny ♪
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♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door, ♪
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♪ She was there to sell make up
but the father saw more ♪
55
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♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪
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00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:54,305
♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪
57
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♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪
58
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♪ Now, the father finds
her beguiling, watch out C.C. ♪
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♪ The kids are actually
smiling, such joie de vivre ♪
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♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪
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♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran. ♪
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Here's your sandwich, sir.
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"Thank you Niles."
You're welcome, sir.
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"All you do for me and
a heart condition on top of it."
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I wouldn't let a little angina
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keep me from picking up your
freshly baked focaccia bread
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at 4:00 in the morning.
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00:03:33,579 --> 00:03:36,514
( laughter )
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00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:39,918
You're right, Niles.
I don't appreciate you.
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"Well, that's because
I don't do squat around here."
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Perhaps you should put a bit
more effort into it.
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00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:46,924
"Well, I can't, sir,
I'm a lazy old house trow."
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00:03:46,992 --> 00:03:48,693
( laughter )
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00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:51,496
All I wanted was
a simple thank you.
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00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:53,603
I suppose in order to get
some attention around here
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I have to hop up on your desk
in my short skirt.
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( laughter )
78
00:03:58,336 --> 00:03:59,470
Did you say, "my"?
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00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:01,973
( laughter )
80
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,476
I was putting myself
in Miss Fine's shoes.
81
00:04:05,544 --> 00:04:08,179
Well, you can't wear those
wingtips with your skirt,
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00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,747
it'll make you stumpy.
83
00:04:09,815 --> 00:04:13,084
( laughter )
84
00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:16,254
He who belts, "I'm going to wash
that man right out of my hair,"
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in the shower should not
throw stones.
86
00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:23,828
I assure you, I am the most
masculine one in this room...
87
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:24,696
until now.
88
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,931
( laughter )
89
00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:34,372
You know, Maxwell, I can't believe what
they get away with on TV these days.
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00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,476
I was watching this rerun of
Seinfeld and Elaine must have been,
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00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:41,045
I don't know,
12 months pregnant,
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and they didn't even
acknowledge it, they
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00:04:43,724 --> 00:04:46,584
just keep hiding her
behind these huge props.
94
00:04:46,652 --> 00:04:49,887
( laughter )
95
00:04:51,156 --> 00:04:52,390
And this needs water.
96
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,392
( laughter )
97
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,528
( clapping )
98
00:04:57,563 --> 00:04:59,764
Mr. Sheffield,
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00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:02,173
remember when you told
me that I can never
100
00:05:02,185 --> 00:05:04,702
have any more relatives
staying at the house?
101
00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:07,138
Yes, but, more importantly,
do you?
102
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:09,040
( laughter )
103
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:12,010
Well, would you make
an exception for my daughter?
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Your what?
105
00:05:13,945 --> 00:05:18,015
Uh, did I mention that I have
a 19-year-old daughter?
106
00:05:18,083 --> 00:05:20,718
But that's impossible. That means
you would have had to have been...
107
00:05:20,786 --> 00:05:21,886
10.
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00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,855
( laughter )
109
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:25,956
Yeah, I got her at a
UNICEF fair when I was in
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High School, Junior High,
Elementary School.
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00:05:28,093 --> 00:05:29,961
( laughter )
112
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Well, I think it's wonderful that
you're a foster parent, Miss Fine.
113
00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:36,233
Thank you. Does it give you
any ideas? You know,
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00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:39,069
now that I have a kid
and you have kids?
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♪ 'Til one day when the lady
met this fella, and... ♪
116
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Miss Fine, if I say she can stay
here, will you stop singing?
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00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:50,315
Oh, thank you,
you're such a doll.
118
00:05:50,382 --> 00:05:53,517
Oh, now I just hope
that she likes me.
119
00:05:53,585 --> 00:05:56,854
You know how I'm not really good
with kids - I mean my own kids.
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( laughter )
121
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:02,060
Maxwell, this just came back from the
framers, where do you want to hang it?
122
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,461
( laughter )
123
00:06:03,528 --> 00:06:06,330
( music )
124
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( doorbell rings )
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Fran:
She's here!
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She's here!
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Oh, we're coming! We're coming!
128
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:15,840
Oooh!
129
00:06:15,874 --> 00:06:19,210
Oh, honey, let's meet
our little girl.
130
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,746
( laughter )
131
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Hi! There she...
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Hello. I am Mai Ling.
133
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Boy, you really filled out
on 17 cents a day.
134
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:31,388
( laughter )
135
00:06:31,456 --> 00:06:32,356
( chuckles )
136
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Hello, Mai Ling.
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We are your mother and mother.
138
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( laughter )
139
00:06:39,330 --> 00:06:42,867
Look how I'm talking to her,
like she doesn't understand.
140
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:44,535
You must be Val.
141
00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,237
( laughter )
142
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Come in! Come in!
143
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Oh, so beautiful!
144
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Hehe.
145
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,212
This is your house?
146
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,047
Well, I'm working on it,
sweetie.
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00:06:56,114 --> 00:06:58,182
( laughter )
148
00:06:58,249 --> 00:07:01,385
I can't wait to meet your
husband. Where is he?
149
00:07:01,453 --> 00:07:06,357
Well, hopefully, he's at a very
successful law firm, or seeing a patient.
150
00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:08,059
( laughter )
151
00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:11,863
Come on, sit down,
talk with your mother.
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Excuse me, I'm her mother, too.
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( laughter )
154
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:21,339
So, sweetie, tell us, how could
you afford to fly here?
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00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:24,408
Oh, I worked
since I was 10 years old.
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Ooh.
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00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,078
They let you work
so young there?
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00:07:27,145 --> 00:07:29,948
No, sometimes I would lie
about my age.
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00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:32,650
Oh, my baby.
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00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,919
( laughter )
161
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My baby, too.
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Well, it was my idea to buy her.
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Yeah?
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00:07:41,293 --> 00:07:43,728
It was my idea
to go to the fair!
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Please! Mommies, don't fight.
It put knives in my heart.
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00:07:48,066 --> 00:07:49,601
There! There! She's Jewish.
She's mine.
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00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:51,335
Oh!
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Ma, you are not going to win
from Publishers' Clearing House.
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00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:03,481
You spend your whole social
security check on magazines.
170
00:08:03,548 --> 00:08:06,317
What do you need
with Runner's Digest?
171
00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:08,820
( laughter )
172
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,755
Oh, I thought
it just said, "digest."
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00:08:11,823 --> 00:08:15,126
( laughter )
174
00:08:15,193 --> 00:08:19,430
What a pleasure, ladies. Haven't
seen you in, what, half a day?
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00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,965
( laughter )
176
00:08:21,032 --> 00:08:22,433
How did you get in?
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You left the door open.
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You had a key made?
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00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,204
Maybe that was it.
180
00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:29,273
( laughter )
181
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:32,877
Where are you running?
Niles, darling.
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00:08:33,078 --> 00:08:36,547
I got a little something
on my pursue
183
00:08:36,615 --> 00:08:40,752
at the gas station. I wonder
if you could it off for me?
184
00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:41,819
What is it, grease?
185
00:08:41,887 --> 00:08:44,121
Yeah. From a burrito.
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00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:46,357
( laughter )
187
00:08:49,494 --> 00:08:51,174
Niles:
It's Sylvia's.
188
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:59,737
Oh, hi, Ma, Yetta.
Now, wait a minute.
189
00:08:59,804 --> 00:09:02,473
You two did go home,
yesterday, didn't you?
190
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:04,074
( laughter )
191
00:09:04,142 --> 00:09:07,078
What are you wearing to aunt
Frieda's birthday tomorrow?
192
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:10,314
Oh, I got the most adorable
little white polka dot dress
193
00:09:10,582 --> 00:09:14,085
with big colorful
fruits all over it.
194
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,453
Like that?
195
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,521
( laughter )
196
00:09:17,589 --> 00:09:22,093
Oh, that's it. Oh, look great in it.
I'll wear something else to Frieda's.
197
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:24,529
Oh, ma, Yetta,
198
00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:28,766
I want you to meet my daughter,
Mai Ling. She just arrived.
199
00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:30,801
Oh,
200
00:09:30,869 --> 00:09:32,971
I hope you had a Caesarean.
201
00:09:33,038 --> 00:09:35,340
( laughter )
202
00:09:35,407 --> 00:09:39,576
Maggie take me to big party and I
want to look pretty like my mother.
203
00:09:39,644 --> 00:09:41,484
- Oh, thank you, sweetie.
- Thank you, sweetie.
204
00:09:41,513 --> 00:09:42,780
What are you saying?
205
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:43,648
( Car horn )
206
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:44,948
( laughter )
207
00:09:46,718 --> 00:09:49,453
She's here one week and
in your clothes already?
208
00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:51,722
Fran, I don't like it.
209
00:09:51,789 --> 00:09:55,359
You don't take advantage of someone
when you're a guest in their house.
210
00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:59,563
Niles! How long does
it take to clean a purse?
211
00:09:59,631 --> 00:10:02,200
( laughter )
212
00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:05,303
Here's your pocketbox, girls.
213
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,071
- Thanks.
- Well, time to party, Mai.
214
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:10,841
But we have to be home early because
Maggie has school tomorrow.
215
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:13,478
Uh, Mai, you say that
in front of dad.
216
00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:15,625
She's the one who taught me
how to do this.
217
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,048
Yeah.
218
00:10:17,115 --> 00:10:20,251
I taught her everything
she knows, hehe. Have fun.
219
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:21,319
- Bye.
- Bye.
220
00:10:21,386 --> 00:10:22,687
- Bye.
- So cute.
221
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:24,522
Do you even know where
she's going to?
222
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:29,160
Uhh... no. But I don't know
where Maggie's going either.
223
00:10:29,227 --> 00:10:34,065
Well, I do not think Mai Ling should go out
dressed like that. She looks like a hooker.
224
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,067
Well, that's my outfit.
225
00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:37,468
Enough said.
226
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:39,002
( laughter )
227
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:40,671
What's that supposed to mean?
228
00:10:40,739 --> 00:10:44,275
Oh, come on. This is a big revelation?
You dress like a tramp.
229
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:46,644
( laughter )
230
00:10:46,711 --> 00:10:48,646
You know what revelation means?
231
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:50,047
( laughter )
232
00:10:50,114 --> 00:10:53,884
You know, you are always
undermining me.
233
00:10:53,952 --> 00:10:57,054
Now, why do I always have to be
the bad guy? You spoil her.
234
00:10:57,122 --> 00:11:00,591
Well, what's the big deal if I do
spoil her? I can afford it now.
235
00:11:00,658 --> 00:11:03,127
Oh, please, it isn't your money,
you're the hired help.
236
00:11:07,499 --> 00:11:09,700
Well, you really learn a lot
about a person
237
00:11:09,768 --> 00:11:12,703
when you have a kid with them,
that's all I can say.
238
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,683
I'm sensing a lot of anger here.
239
00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:26,984
( Both )
You think?
240
00:11:27,051 --> 00:11:28,186
( laughter )
241
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:31,488
Okay. I have found that
in couples therapy,
242
00:11:31,556 --> 00:11:34,758
it's often useful
for the couples, the two of you,
243
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:38,428
to try to remember what it was that
first attracted you to each other.
244
00:11:38,496 --> 00:11:42,767
I mean, for instance, my wife says
about me that it was my winning smile.
245
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:45,235
( laughter )
246
00:11:49,007 --> 00:11:51,745
Look, doctor, I've known
her since kindergarten.
247
00:11:51,757 --> 00:11:53,777
I simply think I
have outgrown her.
248
00:11:53,845 --> 00:11:55,545
( laughter )
249
00:11:55,613 --> 00:11:58,482
You see what she does? She
always tries to act superior.
250
00:11:58,549 --> 00:12:02,053
You know, that's why so many people
did not like her in High School.
251
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,721
Oh, is she stupid!
252
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,190
I was the most
popular girl in school.
253
00:12:06,257 --> 00:12:08,392
It said so on
all the bathroom walls.
254
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,094
( laughter )
255
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:12,530
Oh! There she goes,
calling me stupid again.
256
00:12:12,597 --> 00:12:15,333
You know, for 20 years
she's been making fun of me,
257
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,970
and I gotta tell you something,
I'm getting damned tired of it!
258
00:12:19,037 --> 00:12:21,038
How dare you!
259
00:12:21,106 --> 00:12:25,710
When I'm the one that's always defending
you when everyone calls you dumb!
260
00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:27,945
Yeah? Oww! You know what?
261
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,904
I'm the one that always
defended you in High
262
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,649
School when everybody
called you a slut!
263
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:35,486
Oy! Doctor! See how dumb she is?
She thinks that's an insult!
264
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:36,654
Val:
Oh!
265
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:37,788
( laughter )
266
00:12:37,855 --> 00:12:41,825
Yeah? Yeah?
Well, what about values? Huh?
267
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:45,529
Those are some values you're teaching our
daughter: living with a man out of wedlock!
268
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:49,500
I'm not in a relationship with
Mr. Sheffield! I'm his nanny.
269
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:53,337
Congratulations, Fran! You
just broke through your denial!
270
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,372
( laughter )
271
00:12:57,976 --> 00:13:03,313
You know, after 20 years of a relationship
you expect a little magic to go out of it,
272
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:06,050
but this is beyond repair!
273
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:11,755
I'll tell you something, it is over between
us! I am suing you for full custody!
274
00:13:11,823 --> 00:13:13,124
Oh!
275
00:13:13,191 --> 00:13:17,061
Oh! Oh! Huh!
276
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:23,033
Bigshot, huh? She'll be back.
277
00:13:23,101 --> 00:13:24,935
You know, I drove her,
278
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:26,737
and she has my keys.
279
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,939
( laughter )
280
00:13:33,411 --> 00:13:35,079
Ma.
281
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,880
( Crying )
Ma...
282
00:13:36,948 --> 00:13:39,183
What is it? Darling, what?
283
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:44,255
I can't even talk about it.
284
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,825
Good, because your father
and I are going to the movies.
285
00:13:47,892 --> 00:13:48,892
( laughter )
286
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:49,960
Maaaa!
287
00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:51,795
( Crying )
288
00:13:51,863 --> 00:13:54,532
If we don't get there
before three,
289
00:13:54,600 --> 00:14:02,600
we'll miss the free
Jalapeno nachos.
290
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,713
Alright. What is it!?
291
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,348
( laughter )
292
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:15,419
Sweetheart, nothing is ever
as bad as it seems.
293
00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:19,423
Ma, it's over.
We split up.
294
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:22,225
No! Don't say that!
295
00:14:22,293 --> 00:14:24,829
Oh.
296
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:30,868
It's true. It was
the worst fight we ever had.
297
00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:35,005
Oh, my God,
I'm having palpitations.
298
00:14:35,073 --> 00:14:37,107
Quick, get me my medicine.
299
00:14:37,175 --> 00:14:38,008
Oh...
300
00:14:38,075 --> 00:14:39,343
( laughter )
301
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,989
( laughter )
302
00:14:57,729 --> 00:15:03,534
It was Dr. Miller who said we
had irreconcilable differences.
303
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:05,402
I'll kill that quack.
304
00:15:05,470 --> 00:15:06,636
( laughter )
305
00:15:06,704 --> 00:15:09,173
You go back and beg
for forgiveness.
306
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,742
Beg a little, for God's sake,
you're a single maid.
307
00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:15,712
( laughter )
308
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:18,515
Ma, what are you talking about?
309
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:21,552
Apologize to Mr. Sheffield.
310
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,254
Ma, I'm talking about Val.
311
00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:28,859
( laughter )
312
00:15:30,728 --> 00:15:35,632
I am missing Jalapeno nachos
for that moron?
313
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,601
( laughter )
314
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:45,442
Well, consider it a favor to
the people sitting behind you.
315
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:48,912
What the hell do you have
to fight about with Val?
316
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,782
Well, it all started over
Mai Ling but...
317
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:54,384
Darling? That's the problem.
That girl.
318
00:15:54,452 --> 00:15:56,887
First she mucks up
your friendship with Val,
319
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:59,857
next she'll come between you
and Mr. Sheffield.
320
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:04,094
Oh, ma, she's a baby,
she's only 19.
321
00:16:04,162 --> 00:16:06,830
And what were you doing
when you were 19?
322
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:08,398
( laughter )
323
00:16:08,466 --> 00:16:12,369
That's different, Ma.
I was a very mature 19.
324
00:16:12,437 --> 00:16:13,637
I was 24.
325
00:16:13,705 --> 00:16:16,173
( laughter )
326
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:21,879
Besides, it's crazy. Mr. Sheffield
is practically a foster father.
327
00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:23,848
Two words, baby:
328
00:16:23,915 --> 00:16:25,082
Soon Yi.
329
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,516
( laughter )
330
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,795
Ah-ha.
331
00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:39,596
( laughter )
332
00:16:39,664 --> 00:16:44,535
What are you doing home
in the middle of the afternoon?
333
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,871
My office is at home.
334
00:16:46,938 --> 00:16:49,273
Huh.
335
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:53,277
Well, Mr. I've got an answer
for everything,
336
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:55,479
answer me this:
337
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:58,648
are you having
an affair with Mai Ling?
338
00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:00,985
Miss Fine, are you insane?
339
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:03,987
I have never been this sane
in my entire life.
340
00:17:04,055 --> 00:17:06,456
Or this thin,
thank you very much.
341
00:17:06,524 --> 00:17:09,059
( laughter )
342
00:17:09,127 --> 00:17:12,562
Now, if there's nothing going on
between you two, then answer me this:
343
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:15,933
why do you look
so unbelievably handsome?
344
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:19,436
And explain that extra sparkle
in your eyes... hm?
345
00:17:19,503 --> 00:17:21,338
Because I'm looking at you...
346
00:17:22,507 --> 00:17:25,476
( laughter )
347
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:31,114
Oh, please. If I'm so irresistible,
then why aren't you all over me?
348
00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:35,386
( Cheering )
349
00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:44,028
( laughter )
350
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,298
To hell with Mai Ling.
351
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:50,900
( laughter )
352
00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:58,509
Miss Fine! I can't believe
you'd accuse me of such a thing.
353
00:17:58,576 --> 00:18:01,077
She's a teenager,
for heaven's sakes.
354
00:18:01,145 --> 00:18:05,215
I mean, it's not as if I'm some
oversexed 16-year-old boy.
355
00:18:07,818 --> 00:18:10,220
( laughter )
356
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,393
What the hell's going on
in here?
357
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:18,395
Well, Dad, I mean,
she just knocked on my door,
358
00:18:18,462 --> 00:18:21,464
asked me how to spell a big word
and started kissing me.
359
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:22,866
( laughter )
360
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:25,302
How dare you!
361
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:27,304
I gotta try that,
but how dare you.
362
00:18:27,371 --> 00:18:28,572
( laughter )
363
00:18:28,639 --> 00:18:30,006
It's okay, Dad,
'cause we're engaged.
364
00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:31,308
( Both )
What??!
365
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,477
You are nothing of the sort.
366
00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:36,012
What's the matter? My daughter's
not good enough for you?
367
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,548
Miss Fine, they are not engaged,
and that's that.
368
00:18:38,616 --> 00:18:41,619
Hello? How else am I going
to get my green card.
369
00:18:41,786 --> 00:18:43,286
( Gasp )
370
00:18:43,354 --> 00:18:45,722
Oh, well, that's Val's side
coming right through, baby.
371
00:18:45,723 --> 00:18:47,057
( laughter )
372
00:18:47,124 --> 00:18:49,826
Brighton, how could you let
yourself be taken in like this?
373
00:18:49,894 --> 00:18:53,797
Oh, well, let's see. I'm 16,
she's a breathing female,
374
00:18:53,865 --> 00:18:56,767
and, uh, I'm 16.
That's all you need.
375
00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:57,835
( laughter )
376
00:19:02,006 --> 00:19:03,541
Oh, Fran!
377
00:19:05,276 --> 00:19:10,114
I just got your message about
May Ling, I can't believe it!
378
00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:13,883
( Crying )
Where did we go wrong?
379
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,718
Awww...
380
00:19:15,786 --> 00:19:17,754
Oooh.
381
00:19:17,822 --> 00:19:22,392
Oh Val, it isn't our fault. We
were too young when we had her.
382
00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:23,893
( Crying )
383
00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:27,331
- I'm sorry.
- I love you.
384
00:19:27,398 --> 00:19:30,334
- I missed you.
- I love you.
385
00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:32,903
Oh, Fran,
386
00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:37,807
let's promise never again to
let our kids come between us.
387
00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:43,046
What kids? As of this moment,
I'm disowning her.
388
00:19:45,549 --> 00:19:47,417
Me too!
389
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,219
Val!
390
00:19:49,287 --> 00:19:52,021
Well, why ruin two jackets?
391
00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:56,493
Hi, moms.
392
00:19:56,494 --> 00:20:01,765
Don't "moms" us. It's Miss
Fine and Miss Toriello to you.
393
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:04,701
I'm so sorry that I hurt you.
394
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:09,039
I'll leave and stay with my friend
I met last night at the party.
395
00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:12,476
His mother has
a big apartment in the city.
396
00:20:12,543 --> 00:20:13,543
Oh.
397
00:20:13,611 --> 00:20:15,578
( laughter )
398
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:18,848
I'm walking to the door.
399
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:19,916
( Muttering )
400
00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:23,787
I'm almost to the door.
401
00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:24,955
Oh.
402
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:29,460
Are you never going to speak
to me again?
403
00:20:29,527 --> 00:20:31,494
Speak to you?
404
00:20:31,562 --> 00:20:35,632
You used us. You almost
broke up me and your mother.
405
00:20:35,699 --> 00:20:38,168
And you hurt the people
that I love.
406
00:20:38,235 --> 00:20:40,770
We can't even look at you.
407
00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:41,739
Huh!
408
00:20:41,806 --> 00:20:44,441
( laughter )
409
00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:49,112
Well, if you change your mind, here's
the number where I will be staying.
410
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:52,249
If I or my friend,
Jason, is not there,
411
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:56,152
just ask for his mother.
Miss Barbra Streisand.
412
00:20:56,220 --> 00:20:58,889
( laughter )
413
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:04,894
Goodbye, Miss Fine,
Miss Toriello.
414
00:21:04,962 --> 00:21:09,833
( Both )
So formal with your mother.
415
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:12,068
( laughter )
416
00:21:14,872 --> 00:21:19,209
Thanks for buying these
subscriptions off me, Neil.
417
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:22,012
( laughter )
418
00:21:28,252 --> 00:21:30,420
( sighs )
419
00:21:30,488 --> 00:21:32,723
Yetta, you said a few.
420
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,295
I also said you were invited
to my wedding.
421
00:21:39,864 --> 00:21:41,498
You mean I'm not?
422
00:21:41,565 --> 00:21:45,869
Well, you'll be there, but
you won't exactly be a guest.
423
00:21:47,671 --> 00:21:50,174
Wear comfortable shoes.
424
00:21:50,241 --> 00:21:52,443
( laughter )
425
00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:54,244
Thanks, Neil!
426
00:22:00,618 --> 00:22:02,286
( laughter )
427
00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:09,826
What?
428
00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:18,067
( Applause )
31115
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