All language subtitles for The.nanny.S05E01.DVDRip.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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Previously on "The Nanny"...

Miss Fine,
Niles just had a heart attack.

( Gasps )

Oh, I'll tell you. It
really makes you think,

doesn't it? How
unpredictable life can be?

That's right. That's why you have
to live every day to the fullest.

You never know when
it's going to be your last.

Nope.

( Applause )

Fran:
Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

( laughter )

Niles, I'm so glad you're awake.

How are you feeling?

Is there anything
I can get for you?

Well, I would like
another pillow.

Of course.

( Screaming )

( laughter )

I'll tell you, Niles,
if I don't talk to someone soon,

I'll get an ulcer.

Yes, and God knows your health should
be what's foremost on our minds.

( laughter )

Niles, when I was in
that hospital bed with Miss Fine

I just lost all self-control.

I... I... I became like
a... like a wild animal.

I just threw her
down on the bed and

practically, my God, I
practically ravaged her.

And he was so gentle,
he was like a little lamb.

( laughter )

I was so intoxicated.
My head was railing.

You know, he sat
on a Demerol needle?

( laughter )

Didn't even know.

Then what happened?

Then? We got to second base.

( Gasps )

Oh, Fran, I only hope

that happens to me someday.

Oh, sir, I only hope
that happens to me some day.

( laughter )

I tell you, Niles, if CC hadn't
walked in when she did,

I don't
know what would have happened.

Well, how do you stop yourself when you're
about to make love to a beautiful woman?

Well, usually I wake up.

( laughter )

I... I'm just afraid, Niles,
that Miss Fine might...

I might have left her
with the impression

that things were moving
a little faster than

they really are. What
am I supposed to do?

Well, you could admit that you
love the woman and marry her.

Or you could invent
some stupid ploy like

redecorating the room to distract
her and buy yourself more time.

Good, that's good.
Let's do that one.

( laughter )

( laughter )

Fran, I really have to go.

But, Val, I have so many more
things to tell you.

You're my best friend.
I need you.

Miss Fine.

Ciao.

( laughter )

Miss Fine, I have to talk
to you about our relationship

and the way it seems
to have escalated.

Now wait a minute here, you said

"our relationship" and "escalated"
in the same sentence.

Should I book a hall?

( laughter )

I discussed this whole thing
with Niles and he suggested

I invent some stupid ploy to distract
you and try to slow things down.

( laughs )

Did you fire him?

( laughter )

But I said
"I don't want to distract her."

I say "Let this relationship
grow, let it blossom."

She's a beautiful woman,

"she's warm, tender, caring..."

My God, this room looks shabby.

( laughter )

Eh?

You know, I don't think
it's been redone for ages.

Say, would you like
to redecorate it?

- Me?
- Great! Wonderful!

Take all the time you need.
I don't care if it takes weeks,

months, a year and a half
would be perfect.

( laughter )

Oh, my God.

This sucks.

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make up
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father finds
her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran. ♪

Surprise!
I got a pecan coffee cake.

Oh, what's the surprise, Ma? You brought
it all the way here and then arrived home?

( laughter )

Oh.

Look at Miss Cocky Comedienne
now that she's got a boyfriend.

( laughter )

Oh, Ma, it's over.

Mr. Sheffield does not want
to deal with what happened.

In fact, he gave me some stupid
project just to distract me.

Well, you just make
him deal with it.

How, Ma, by getting on my hands
and knees and begging

like some desperate,
lonely loser?

Although they say that
third time's the charm.

( laughter )

Well, if he thinks redecorating
is gonna change...

He's letting you redecorate?

- Yeah.
- He wants your taste

in his house?

Which room?

I'll give you a hint,
the one with the refrigerator.

The bedroom.

( laughter )

The kitchen.

Ay, the heart of the home.

Mazel tov, darling,

he's moving your relationship
to the next level.

Ay, but, Ma, when am I gonna get to
the ultimate level with him already?

You mean, the wedding.

Okay.

( laughter )

What are you doing?

This spice rack is not going
to go with your new motif.

Oh, this is so exciting.

You're going to have a ring
on that finger before I can say,

"Do you people
move refrigerators?"

( laughter )

So, Niles, when did the doctor
say you can start working again?

Oh, could be four weeks,

six months,

a year...

( laughter )

You know, one of the reasons
why I didn't move into a dorm

is because we have a butler.

( laughter )

Hi.

Oh, Miss Fine, you shouldn't be
carrying such a heavy load on your own.

- Niles?
- Margaret.

- Brighton.
- Gracie.

- Fran.
- Sit!

Oh, hi, Ma,
what are you doing back here?

A mother can't come by
to say hello to her daughter?

( laughter )

Darling, why are you lugging
all that stuff?

I raised you to be a pointer,
not a schlepper.

Why don't you call your big shot decorator
cousin Sheila from Forest Hills?

Who, by the by,

has just finished doing
the entire Kennedy compound.

George Kennedy, Ma.

( laughter )

And, besides, if I want to prove to Mr.
Sheffield what a great wife I can be,

I have to do this whole thing
myself

and show him that I
can be a real Martha Stewart.

This, by you, is a role model?

Why?

Where is Martha Stewart today?

Divorced.

Well, Mr. Sheffield's wife

decorated this entire house
all by herself.

And where is she today?

( laughter )

I rest my case.

( laughter )

Okay, Ma, now, before
I make a total fool of myself,

what did you tell cousin Sheila? That I own
this house, I'm married to Mr. Sheffield

and I have a butler?

No, I told her you're a nanny.

( laughter )

What are you, stoned?

( laughter )

Hi!

( Applause )

- Hi!
- Hey!

I hope you're not getting makeup
on my Valentino original

that I got from Bergdorf's.

No, I just smeared a little on
your knockoff from Loehmann's.

( laughs )

So, Sheila,
how's your sister Claudine?

She should only rot in hell.

She never paid me back the $2,200 dollars
I loaned her to pay off her car,

that lowlife piece of trash.

( laughter )

Well, Sheila,
why don't you talk to her?

I'm too nice.

Meanwhile, I ran into cousin
Meryl in Central Park

and she was all over
Naomi Tempo's husband.

- Oh!
- Yep.

And you didn't call me?

( laughter )

You know,
I don't like to gossip.

( laughter )

So, Sheila, did your father
ever come back

from picking up
a pack of smokes 20 years ago?

Ma.

What? I'm not so nice
and I like to gossip.

( laughter )

So, Sheila, I'll tell you

I was sorry to hear
about you and Mitch.

Why did he leave you?

What? I couldn't leave him.

( laughter )

All right,
why did you leave him?

I'm not going to stay
when somebody dumps me.

( laughter )

So, look, I brought you a
sample of the wallpaper, here,

the motif I want
to use in your cucina.

( laughter )

Oysters... I don't know,
where have I seen this before?

Red Lobster.

Well, you told me
you wanted things to heat up

between you and Mr. Sheffield.

It's a vomitose pattern.

It's an aphrodisiac.

Does it come in fabric?

( laughter )

- Oh... Franny.
- What?

I'm just looking at this, it
puts me in the mood, you know,

and I start to miss Mitch.

( Crying )

- Clock!
- Oh.

Yeah, yeah, I see a big clock
right over that door with, uh,

the accentuation
of two giant pairs of antlers.

A major aphrodisiac.

Since when are antlers
a major aphrodisiac?

Hello? Horny?

( laughter )

Oh, God, I miss Mitch so much.

( Crying )

Cabinets!

( laughter )

What have you got?
Decorator's Tourette's?

Franny, I really thought
that Mitch was the one.

And when I met him, right away I wanted him
to like me so much I started making plans

right away for a nose job,
a boob job, a liposuction.

Well, it's a good thing
you didn't get all that done...

( laughter )

by a quack.

You look fabulous, honey.
Gorgeous.

- Don't I?
- Yes.

The thing is, Franny,
I know he really loves me.

Give him a chance.
He'll come around.

It's like me and Mr. Sheffield.

As God as my witness,
I have never pushed.

( laughter )

You just give him some time.

Time? Forget about it,
we were friends for four years

before we even went to second base and
right away after that he dumped me.

No, not right away, I mean
first he asked me

to redecorate
a room in his house.

( Gasps )

( laughter )

I can't feel my left side,

my arms are numb.

Mr. Sheffield asked me
to decorate this room

right after
we got to second base.

Oh, why doesn't he like me?

( laughter )

Oh, it's not your fault, honey.

It's just the men
in this darn culture.

Why don't they appreciate
confident, vital women?

Well, they do if she's 20.

Well, what are women in
our late 20s supposed to do?

( laughter )

And if it's this difficult for us,
what's it like for poor older women?

How the hell
are they gonna find a man?

Congratulate me.

I'm engaged.

( laughter )

Fran:
Oh, my God.

That's gotta be at least
three carats.

And that's the small one.

Take a look at this one
Sammy got for me.

Aw!

See, that's why it's good
to marry someone 89.

He forgot he bought me this one.

( laughter )

Oh, yeah, that Sammy's
got incredible taste.

Who's Sammy?

( laughter )

The guy you're engaged to.

I'm engaged?

( laughter )

Oh, I gotta tell
the girls in the home.

Hey,
Esther, Polly, I'm getting...

Married.

Ooh.

I'll tell you, Sheila,

our 85-year-old grandmother is
getting married before we are.

What does she have
that we don't?

Removable teeth?

( laughter )

I can't believe Mr. Sheffield
is dumping me.

Look at this,
it's his favorite little teapot.

( laughter )

Whoops.

Franny, I cannot believe
that you did that

when this lovely vase
is so much more expensive.

( laughter )

Hahaha.

- Men. Who needs 'em?
- Yeah.

( Phone ringing )

Mitch!

( laughter )

( grunts )

How many was that?

One.

( laughter )

- What do you say we take a lunch?
- ( door closes )

( laughter )

He is making me hold his sweaty
ankles while he does sit-ups.

And he's wearing really baggy shorts.
Are you getting the picture here?

( laughter )

Now, Brighton, the man
has just had a heart attack.

We have to try to show
a little more consideration.

- Daddy?
- Why did you say "daddy"?

That way he's going
to know I'm out here.

Sir, my tea's lukewarm,
would you mind?

( laughter )

Fran, Mr. Sheffield
is not going to dump you.

You and Sheila
do not lead parallel lives.

Does she still have
that stupid best friend?

( laughter )

Oh, I am so getting dumped.

Now, meanwhile,
this room is stunning.

But where's the aphrodisiac
effect? I don't see it.

( Gasps )

Oh, my God.

( laughter )

Whoa, that working out
is paying off big time, mister.

( laughter )

Pick you up at 8:00.
Wear something...

- Velcro?
- ( growls )

( laughter )

Toriello.

Looking good.

( laughter )

Well, at least somebody's getting
some use out of my new cucina.

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Hey, cous, guess who's
in the Caribbean

getting Bain de Soleil'ed?

( laughter )

Sheila:
Oh, yes.

Ooh, yes. Oh, Mitch.

Mitch! She got back together
with Mitch.

I'm going to get back
together with Mr. Sheffield!

Franny, you're going to have to
find yourself a new decorator,

because Mitch wants me
to quit my job.

And I never have to work again.

( laughter )

Oh, I have to work, I just
have to find a new career.

Mitch says
my taste nauseated him.

( laughter )

Can you believe that that's
why he broke up with me?

Well, we're together now,
and I've never been happ...

Oh, my God.

- You gotta take this out of here.
- I can't.

What do you mean you can't? What's
the matter with you? Are you...

Mrs. Sheffield!

A psychic, please, God.

Oh, Miss Fine, I have to say

I think the kitchen is now
my favorite room in the house.

Welcome to the Fine family.

( laughter )

Perhaps we should
have dinner here from now on.

Or dessert.

( laughter )

So you like what you see?

Lovely.

Maybe I should do you
in the dining room.

( laughter )

I should have you do
the dining room next?

Are you sure, Mr. Sheffield?
That's a pretty big step.

I had half a cup of coffee left.

( laughter )

Where were we?

Miss Fine, about what happened
in the hospital...

Save it, honey,
you think I didn't know

that you concocted this whole
decorating scheme just to distract me?

But you really didn't have
to come up with such a ruse.

Don't you think
that we're both above that?

( laughter )

Miss... very Fine.

( laughter )

These drapes won't fit
with your new motif.

( laughter )

( applause )

Here, put something
in your mouth.

You got lipstick on your teeth.

You got chocolate on yours.

( laughing )