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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( Jazz music playing )
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Fran, my head is so itchy.
3
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I think I'm allergic
to this hat.
4
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:08,239
Oh, sweetie, I hope not.
5
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:12,577
I mean, it is so adorable.
6
00:00:12,578 --> 00:00:15,513
Well, you know what,
maybe you are allergic to it.
7
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,718
- Bye, angel.
- Bye, Fran.
8
00:00:20,719 --> 00:00:23,688
Oh, how dare you order me
about in that manner, sir?
9
00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:25,290
After 30 years of loyal service,
10
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:27,211
I think I deserve
a little more respect.
11
00:00:28,327 --> 00:00:29,861
God, I wish he was home.
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00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:32,663
Maxwell on speaker: I am.
13
00:00:32,664 --> 00:00:33,664
Oh!
14
00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:38,670
Oh, why don't you
cut him some slack?
15
00:00:38,671 --> 00:00:40,605
I mean, he is your boss
16
00:00:40,606 --> 00:00:42,306
and he's under
a lot of pressure.
17
00:00:42,307 --> 00:00:45,010
Oh, stop trying to
butter up the pompous brat.
18
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:46,377
I turned it off.
19
00:00:46,378 --> 00:00:48,458
Maxwell on speaker:
No, you turned it up.
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Oh, life is just not fair.
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I'm as smart as he is,
as talented as he is.
22
00:01:00,259 --> 00:01:02,060
Who thought up
this system of the haves
23
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:03,695
and the have-nots anyway?
24
00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:05,530
Eh, that would be the haves.
25
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:11,002
Doesn't working as a menial
laborer ever get to you?
26
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:13,738
No, this Nanny gig
is only temporary.
27
00:01:13,739 --> 00:01:17,375
I got bigger dreams, baby.
28
00:01:17,376 --> 00:01:20,311
Someday I'm gonna be Mrs. Have.
29
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Hmm.
30
00:01:22,281 --> 00:01:24,648
And I'll be Mrs. Have's butler.
31
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Not with that attitude, mister.
32
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I'm sorry. I'm being a pill.
33
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,825
I can be peppy and make those
little chocolate cakes you like.
34
00:01:33,826 --> 00:01:36,228
Oh, this is what it's come to.
I'm sucking up to the maid.
35
00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:41,700
And you were this close
to working for us.
36
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:43,668
Huh.
37
00:01:43,669 --> 00:01:45,937
You know,
all this anger and bitterness
38
00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:49,074
is just a mask
for low self-esteem.
39
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:51,108
Where does all this come from?
40
00:01:51,109 --> 00:01:53,149
Hey, Niles,
could you wash my underwear?
41
00:01:59,685 --> 00:02:02,487
♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing Queens ♪
42
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♪ Till her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪
43
00:02:03,789 --> 00:02:05,423
♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪
44
00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:07,492
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
45
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:11,162
♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪
46
00:02:11,163 --> 00:02:13,365
♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪
47
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:15,900
♪ She was there to sell
makeup, but father saw more ♪
48
00:02:15,901 --> 00:02:17,969
♪ She had style, she had
flair, she was there ♪
49
00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:21,873
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
50
00:02:21,874 --> 00:02:24,743
♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪
51
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:27,045
♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪
52
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,279
♪ Now the father finds
her beguiling ♪
53
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,647
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
54
00:02:29,648 --> 00:02:31,115
♪ And the kids are
actually smiling ♪
55
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,249
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
56
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:33,651
♪ She is the lady in red ♪
57
00:02:33,652 --> 00:02:37,956
♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪
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00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:40,057
♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪
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00:02:40,058 --> 00:02:41,525
♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪
60
00:02:47,766 --> 00:02:50,368
Oh, would you look at this.
61
00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:54,939
Brighton leaves a half-eaten
3 Musketeers bar in his pants.
62
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:55,940
I love him.
63
00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:01,712
I can tell you your mother
never left any food
64
00:03:01,713 --> 00:03:04,415
in her pockets.
65
00:03:04,416 --> 00:03:08,186
Although I once found
a chicken carcass.
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00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:13,291
( Off-key piano music )
67
00:03:13,292 --> 00:03:17,295
Oh, God. Beautiful!
68
00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:20,632
Thank you.
69
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,338
No wonder the joint is empty.
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00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:33,344
Ah, Yetta, and to what
do we owe the pleasure?
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00:03:33,345 --> 00:03:36,214
Sylvia told me
to meet her for lunch.
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00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,715
I assumed here.
73
00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:42,554
Ah, Miss Fine, I have
an important meeting tonight,
74
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,123
So I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to reschedule family night.
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00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:46,657
Reschedule?
76
00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:51,729
But this was when you were
gonna spend quality time
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00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:53,598
with me and the kids,
don't you remember?
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00:03:53,599 --> 00:03:55,867
Dinner and a romantic
carriage ride
79
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:59,137
after we dump
the kids at the movies?
80
00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:01,872
Well, uh, listen, why don't you
take them somewhere?
81
00:04:01,873 --> 00:04:04,775
There you go. I'm sure you'll
all have a wonderful time.
82
00:04:04,776 --> 00:04:07,011
You know, you're just spending
less and less time with the kids.
83
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:09,580
And they need
a masculine influence.
84
00:04:09,581 --> 00:04:12,183
I'll go.
I don't have any estrogen.
85
00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:16,420
I'm sorry, but I just think
that it's important
86
00:04:16,421 --> 00:04:19,023
that parents spend time
with their children.
87
00:04:19,024 --> 00:04:21,659
They should talk to them
and take them shopping
88
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,627
and... and visit them
all the time
89
00:04:23,628 --> 00:04:25,129
and eat them
out of house and home
90
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:27,731
and nag them about
not being married.
91
00:04:27,732 --> 00:04:29,501
When is ma moving to Boca?
92
00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:33,771
- ( Doorbell rings )
- Oh, I'll get it.
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00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,610
Oh, hi, Ma.
94
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,212
Fran, I'm sorry
I'm late picking up Yetta.
95
00:04:41,213 --> 00:04:42,313
I was at the gym.
96
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,384
When did you join a gym?
97
00:04:47,385 --> 00:04:49,053
When they put in a muffin bar.
98
00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:55,059
Ma, you know, when they say do
a hundred crunches,
99
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:56,861
they don't mean Nestles.
100
00:04:59,297 --> 00:05:00,998
Oh, hi, sweetie.
101
00:05:00,999 --> 00:05:02,600
Baby, stop scratching
your head like that.
102
00:05:02,601 --> 00:05:04,336
People are gonna think
you got lice.
103
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,570
I do.
They sent me home from school.
104
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:09,173
Oh, my God!
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00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:11,709
( Gasps )
Oh, there's a lice epidemic
106
00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:14,945
at your $14,000 a year school.
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00:05:14,946 --> 00:05:16,581
( Tutting )
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00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:17,715
Vermin they give you,
109
00:05:17,716 --> 00:05:19,756
but you still gotta
bring your own juice.
110
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:22,954
You better be careful.
111
00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:25,957
Your father got lice
from his poker cronies.
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00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:28,593
Fortunately,
I just threw his hair out.
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00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,967
Oh, Ma, this doesn't
reflect well on me at all.
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00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,769
I mean, how can I not know this?
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I'm the closest person
in the world to these kids.
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00:05:42,007 --> 00:05:43,774
- Fran, it itches.
- That's close enough, sweetie.
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00:05:43,775 --> 00:05:44,775
Bugs jump.
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00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,984
Okay, kids, you heard
the doctor, we've all got lice.
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00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,355
Take off your sheets
and pillow cases,
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00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,756
we got to boil them.
121
00:05:58,757 --> 00:06:00,258
You want me to get yours?
122
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,493
No, mine has to be burned.
123
00:06:02,494 --> 00:06:04,534
I want that gorgeous
Bill Blass comforter set.
124
00:06:07,265 --> 00:06:10,134
Well, isn't it amazing?
125
00:06:10,135 --> 00:06:12,904
The doctor confirmed that
all three of your children
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00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:16,407
have lice and me, but you don't.
127
00:06:16,408 --> 00:06:18,843
Now what does that say to you?
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00:06:18,844 --> 00:06:21,346
It says,
"Welcome to the Four Seasons,
129
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:22,480
Maui, Mr. Sheffield."
130
00:06:26,618 --> 00:06:30,521
No, it says you don't spend
enough time at home.
131
00:06:30,522 --> 00:06:32,790
If you cared about
your children,
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00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,725
you'd be covered in lice
like I am.
133
00:06:37,462 --> 00:06:41,298
How did they penetrate
six layers of Final Net?
134
00:06:41,299 --> 00:06:44,736
Ooh, like a biosphere up there.
135
00:06:47,372 --> 00:06:50,675
Miss Fine, the reason
I am not with my children
136
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,943
is that I happen
to work very hard.
137
00:06:52,944 --> 00:06:54,812
You don't see me
lounging around the house
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00:06:54,813 --> 00:06:55,946
in my underwear.
139
00:06:55,947 --> 00:06:59,016
And would it kill you
to give it a shot?
140
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:05,489
You know, my father
was a butler for 44 years
141
00:07:05,490 --> 00:07:07,690
and I don't remember him
doing any of this crap.
142
00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:14,332
Wait a minute, you dropped this.
143
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:18,436
Oh, "Secure alibi,
cut phone line",
144
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:21,038
"put on gloves, tape mouth..."
145
00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:26,677
"Clean up blood,
dispose of evidence,
146
00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:27,945
pick up bananas"?
147
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:34,685
Niles, what's with this
cockamamie list?
148
00:07:34,686 --> 00:07:36,955
Oh, oh, oh, oh, give me that.
149
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,322
You didn't read it, did you?
150
00:07:38,323 --> 00:07:41,759
Oh, well, suppose
for argument's sake I did,
151
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:42,960
what would you do?
152
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:44,762
Miss Fine, this is very private.
153
00:07:44,763 --> 00:07:47,865
And if you read it, I would be
very, very upset with you.
154
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,340
Well, that's why
I didn't read it. Bye-bye.
155
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,552
I tell you, Val,
when I saw that list,
156
00:08:08,553 --> 00:08:11,522
I-I just got chills up my spine.
157
00:08:11,523 --> 00:08:14,525
Well, Fran,
your suspicions are valid.
158
00:08:14,526 --> 00:08:16,660
Obviously his
schizophrenic tendencies
159
00:08:16,661 --> 00:08:20,698
are about to manifest themselves
in a homicidal rage.
160
00:08:20,699 --> 00:08:22,900
Yeah,
but what about the bananas?
161
00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:29,440
Well, I'm no expert,
162
00:08:29,441 --> 00:08:31,942
but I'm thinking a pie.
163
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,684
Excuse me,
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00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:43,855
I called earlier about
picking up the special shampoos.
165
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,223
The name's Fran Fine.
166
00:08:47,659 --> 00:08:50,461
Hey, Rick, Fran Fine's here
for her head lice shampoo.
167
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:54,798
Here it is.
168
00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:58,469
Fran Fine for lice,
ticks, fleas...
169
00:08:58,470 --> 00:08:59,837
Shhhh.
170
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,347
Look at this,
I'm getting attitude
171
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,148
from a man holding
a Fleet Enema.
172
00:09:14,219 --> 00:09:17,722
I'm telling you, Fran,
Niles fits the profile.
173
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,824
Serial killers usually
have menial jobs,
174
00:09:20,825 --> 00:09:22,693
no long-term relationships,
175
00:09:22,694 --> 00:09:25,396
and deep seated issues
with their mother.
176
00:09:25,397 --> 00:09:26,464
( Both gasp )
177
00:09:28,266 --> 00:09:31,535
No, wait, wait,
they usually have high IQs.
178
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:34,705
- Oh, God. -Oh, Val, I'm
sorry I doubted you.
179
00:09:36,641 --> 00:09:40,310
Okay, okay, let's see.
180
00:09:40,311 --> 00:09:42,880
Most serial killers
have three names.
181
00:09:42,881 --> 00:09:44,181
John Wayne Gacy.
182
00:09:44,182 --> 00:09:45,549
Richard Allen Speck.
183
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:46,984
Son of Sam.
184
00:09:49,854 --> 00:09:52,923
Oh, Val,
what are we talking about here?
185
00:09:52,924 --> 00:09:55,993
We're not dealing
with some sicko stranger.
186
00:09:55,994 --> 00:09:57,094
- Yeah.
- It's Niles,
187
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:59,130
I know him very well.
188
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,832
I stand behind Mr. Niles...
189
00:10:03,635 --> 00:10:05,075
- the killer.
- Ah!
190
00:10:07,505 --> 00:10:09,940
Fran, I cannot believe
that you have lived
191
00:10:09,941 --> 00:10:11,876
in the same house
with Niles for four years
192
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:13,811
and you know nothing about him.
193
00:10:13,812 --> 00:10:15,732
Have you ever even
been in his bedroom?
194
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,115
Val, that wasn't the bedroom
195
00:10:18,116 --> 00:10:20,484
- I was concentrating
on getting into. -Oi.
196
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:35,933
Oh, Niles' room is so,
197
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:38,102
so small and depressing.
198
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:43,707
You know, no wonder he's always walking
past your room and looking in.
199
00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:45,409
He's envious.
200
00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:46,543
No, he's horny.
201
00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:53,417
Come on, we got to find
some incriminating evidence.
202
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:57,988
- ( Gasps )
- What?
203
00:10:57,989 --> 00:11:00,391
Look at this. Duct tape.
204
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:03,293
Oh, wait a minute,
he's not Jewish,
205
00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:04,529
he knows how to fix things.
206
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:05,530
Yeah.
207
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:08,665
( Phone rings )
Both: Ooh.
208
00:11:12,637 --> 00:11:14,305
Niles on speaker: Hey,
this is Niles,
209
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:16,707
leave me a message
and I'll call you back. Ciao.
210
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,845
( phone beeps )
211
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,014
It's Jim from the morgue
returning your call.
212
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,381
In answer to your question,
213
00:11:24,382 --> 00:11:27,051
it takes 24 hours
for rigor mortis to set in.
214
00:11:27,052 --> 00:11:28,119
( phone beeps )
215
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:30,888
Oh, my God.
216
00:11:30,889 --> 00:11:33,091
What does he need
to know that for?
217
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:35,893
Maybe it's to bake a banana pie,
Val.
218
00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:43,634
( Screams )
219
00:11:43,635 --> 00:11:44,769
What, what?
220
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,704
His closet's twice
as big as mine.
221
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:54,445
Look at this, he wears
the same thing every day.
222
00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:58,416
He's like Fred Flintstone.
223
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:01,257
Niles: I'll be right there, sir.
I'm just getting my coat.
224
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:09,560
So I can trudge six blocks
through snow and sludge
225
00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:12,763
because you have a craving
for bloody string cheese.
226
00:12:35,787 --> 00:12:37,788
You know, Nanny Fine,
I always suspected
227
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,790
you studied childcare
with Dian Fossey.
228
00:12:43,761 --> 00:12:45,696
Yeah, honey,
I think the tar shampoo
229
00:12:45,697 --> 00:12:48,132
took care of all of the lice.
230
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,600
And it smells so nice and fresh,
too,
231
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:51,102
like a newly filled pothole.
232
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:53,971
- Thanks, Fran.
- Love ya.
233
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,973
- Oh, look at this.
- What?
234
00:12:55,974 --> 00:12:58,842
No coffee.
Where the heck is rubber maid?
235
00:12:58,843 --> 00:13:00,645
Shhh.
236
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,313
Miss Babcock,
237
00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:05,549
don't antagonize him,
he's on the edge.
238
00:13:05,550 --> 00:13:07,430
Good,
how can we get him to jump?
239
00:13:08,886 --> 00:13:11,489
Miss Babcock, I'm serious.
240
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,724
He hasn't been himself.
241
00:13:13,725 --> 00:13:16,527
He's acting very weird, strange.
242
00:13:16,528 --> 00:13:17,961
Haven't you noticed?
243
00:13:17,962 --> 00:13:20,731
There's not one toilet bowl
in this entire house
244
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:21,812
with blue water in it.
245
00:13:24,202 --> 00:13:25,669
You know, Nanny Fine,
246
00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:28,639
listening to you
talk about Niles
247
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,974
makes me just wanna hit
my head against a brick wall.
248
00:13:36,915 --> 00:13:39,316
Miss Babcock, you know,
I am not going to tell you
249
00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:42,619
what I know if you're not
a little bit nicer to me.
250
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:43,888
Oh, buzz off.
251
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:44,929
That's close enough.
252
00:13:47,025 --> 00:13:48,458
I think
253
00:13:48,459 --> 00:13:52,997
Niles might be a murderer.
254
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:56,300
Nanny Fine,
Niles would never kill anyone.
255
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,701
Because then he'd make a mess
and he'd have to clean it up.
256
00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:01,405
I'm serious.
257
00:14:01,406 --> 00:14:05,942
I read the list, it had gloves,
wire cutters, blood,
258
00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:09,513
"and you bake it in a 9" pan
at 300 degrees
259
00:14:09,514 --> 00:14:11,014
and you got yourself
a gorgeous kugel.
260
00:14:11,015 --> 00:14:12,116
Miss Fine...
261
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,286
Miss Fine,
what were you doing in my room?
262
00:14:16,287 --> 00:14:19,389
Oh, what makes you think
I was in your room?
263
00:14:33,104 --> 00:14:34,938
Oh, I gotta tell Mr. Sheffield.
264
00:14:34,939 --> 00:14:36,440
Out of my way, dead man walking.
265
00:14:40,278 --> 00:14:41,979
Oh, my God,
this is all so surreal,
266
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:43,613
how am I gonna tell him?
267
00:14:43,614 --> 00:14:46,054
I'll just have to lay the whole
thing out in black and white.
268
00:14:56,294 --> 00:14:57,962
Oh, boss, thank God you're here.
269
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:01,832
Hello, monkey face,
how's tricks?
270
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:07,204
You look frightened.
Whatever's the matter?
271
00:15:07,205 --> 00:15:10,807
Oh, for one thing, there's
no venetian blinds in here.
272
00:15:12,577 --> 00:15:14,478
I'll have the butler
fix you a highball.
273
00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:16,647
No, not the butler.
274
00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:18,528
I think our butler's
trying to ice me.
275
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,385
Our?
276
00:15:21,386 --> 00:15:24,120
Ours, yours,
don't mince words with me now,
277
00:15:24,121 --> 00:15:25,155
you chump.
278
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:30,961
He's trying to kill me.
279
00:15:30,962 --> 00:15:32,429
I think he poisoned me,
280
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:34,664
I'm seeing spots
in front of my eyes.
281
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,745
Well,
maybe he's not poisoned me,
282
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:51,448
but I want him out of the house,
I tell ya. Out of the house.
283
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:54,919
Darling,
I've known the butler 30 years,
284
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,840
we've had many
gay times together.
285
00:15:58,323 --> 00:16:00,424
Shared a fag or two between us.
286
00:16:02,861 --> 00:16:04,295
And I can tell you,
287
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,536
if there was anything queer
about him, I'd know it.
288
00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:12,603
So in other words,
you had some fun,
289
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:13,938
you smoked a few cigarettes
290
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,073
and there's nothing
strange about him.
291
00:16:16,074 --> 00:16:18,141
- Of course.
- Just making sure.
292
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:26,383
Oh, you think I'm ready
for the loony bin, don't you?
293
00:16:26,384 --> 00:16:28,852
The booby hatch.
The rubber room.
294
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:30,621
Don't 'cha?
Don't 'cha?
295
00:16:34,692 --> 00:16:36,393
Frankly, darling, yes.
296
00:16:37,929 --> 00:16:40,164
And I find it
very disconcerting.
297
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,800
I was thinking
of asking you to be my wife
298
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,202
but I could never marry someone
I thought was insane.
299
00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:50,875
No sense opening up
that can of worms.
300
00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:57,948
( Thundering )
301
00:16:57,949 --> 00:17:00,618
Val, Val,
he's not gonna try anything
302
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:01,952
with a house full of people.
303
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:03,554
I mean, what's he gonna do,
304
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,989
sneak up behind me and grab me?
305
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,292
Oh, let's stop talking about
Mr. Sheffield already.
306
00:17:11,429 --> 00:17:14,831
Niles knows we were in his room.
307
00:17:14,832 --> 00:17:19,202
( Thundering )
Val? Val?
308
00:17:19,203 --> 00:17:20,304
Oi!
309
00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:26,777
Boo!
310
00:17:34,151 --> 00:17:35,519
Well, I sort of had that coming.
311
00:17:37,655 --> 00:17:39,089
Oh, Miss Fine,
312
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:40,457
I've been thinking
about what you said, you know,
313
00:17:40,458 --> 00:17:41,725
and you're absolutely right.
314
00:17:41,726 --> 00:17:44,528
I do need to spend more time
alone with the children.
315
00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:47,097
Oh, that's great, Mr. Sheffield,
because, you know,
316
00:17:47,098 --> 00:17:50,000
children really need
the attention of their father.
317
00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:51,968
So you and Niles have
the house to yourselves tonight,
318
00:17:51,969 --> 00:17:53,036
I'm taking them out.
319
00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:54,304
Oh, you're smothering them!
320
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,442
You are gonna turn them
into wimps, mister.
321
00:17:58,443 --> 00:18:01,045
What are you talking about?
This was your idea.
322
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,212
Need I say more?
323
00:18:03,681 --> 00:18:06,116
Miss Fine,
I have cleared my entire evening
324
00:18:06,117 --> 00:18:07,617
to bond with my children.
325
00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:10,520
Now move it!
We're going for seafood.
326
00:18:10,521 --> 00:18:11,822
I'm gonna get the lobster.
327
00:18:11,823 --> 00:18:13,590
- This is so great.
- Bye.
328
00:18:13,591 --> 00:18:15,392
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
329
00:18:15,393 --> 00:18:17,861
I don't care if you do think
I'm insane, I'm coming with you.
330
00:18:17,862 --> 00:18:20,764
I believe Niles is a murderer
and if you leave me alone here,
331
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:23,600
I'm in danger of being killed.
332
00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:26,403
Is there anything you wouldn't
do for a four-pound lobster?
333
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,709
I don't care what you say,
I'm going with you.
334
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:34,945
There is no way you're
leaving me alone with that man
335
00:18:34,946 --> 00:18:36,913
because it's just too...
336
00:18:36,914 --> 00:18:38,315
( thundering )
337
00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:41,652
You're not going anywhere,
are you?
338
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:42,853
No, what makes you say that?
339
00:18:44,288 --> 00:18:46,356
I'm glad we're alone.
340
00:18:46,357 --> 00:18:48,926
Oh, yeah, you,
me and that piercing voice
341
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:50,360
that carries to the neighbors.
342
00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:53,329
Miss Fine, I know you know.
343
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:54,965
Nothing, I know nothing.
344
00:18:54,966 --> 00:18:56,934
Oh, Miss Fine,
you found my list,
345
00:18:56,935 --> 00:19:00,270
you went into my closet,
it's obvious you figured it out.
346
00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:03,307
Oh, ooh, look at this,
Texas has the death penalty.
347
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,543
Boy, they're frying them
like chickens down there.
348
00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:10,380
So you are going to be
my first victim.
349
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:12,650
Who knows,
if tonight goes really well,
350
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,451
you might be the first of many.
351
00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:17,621
I think I finally found
my true calling.
352
00:19:17,622 --> 00:19:19,323
Oh, but you make
a great cheesecake.
353
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,758
I say stick with what you know.
354
00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:22,826
( Thundering )
355
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:28,198
Miss Fine?
Miss Fine?
356
00:19:28,199 --> 00:19:30,501
( Screaming )
357
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:33,237
( loud thud )
358
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:42,212
Oh, Miss Fine...
Miss Fine, please wake up.
359
00:19:42,213 --> 00:19:44,414
Why is she acting
like such a lunatic?
360
00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:46,615
Well, have you gotten
a load of the birth mother?
361
00:19:49,053 --> 00:19:50,186
She thinks you're a killer.
362
00:19:50,187 --> 00:19:52,055
She even thought
you were trying to kill me.
363
00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:53,957
Oh,
I wouldn't dream of touching you
364
00:19:53,958 --> 00:19:55,626
like any other normal man.
365
00:19:58,396 --> 00:20:00,230
Oh, Miss Fine.
366
00:20:00,231 --> 00:20:01,431
Stay away from me.
367
00:20:01,432 --> 00:20:03,367
Oh, Miss Fine,
I'm not a murderer.
368
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,934
All I did was write a play.
369
00:20:04,935 --> 00:20:06,636
I was going to
ask you to read it.
370
00:20:06,637 --> 00:20:09,807
Oh, please,
you expect me to believe that?
371
00:20:09,808 --> 00:20:11,441
I read the list.
372
00:20:11,442 --> 00:20:14,745
- You explain "secure alibi."
- That was the title.
373
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:15,679
Well, why'd you call the morgue?
374
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,980
I was doing research.
375
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:19,849
- Well, what about the bananas?
- I was making a pie.
376
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,221
Well, where is it?
377
00:20:25,222 --> 00:20:27,257
Your mother was here.
378
00:20:27,258 --> 00:20:29,325
Oh.
379
00:20:29,326 --> 00:20:31,061
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
380
00:20:31,062 --> 00:20:33,463
Boy,
I see everything so clearly now.
381
00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:35,131
How could I be such a yenta?
382
00:20:35,132 --> 00:20:37,601
Meanwhile, what was that
magazine "S&M" on your bed?
383
00:20:37,602 --> 00:20:39,836
Oh, Miss Fine, that is
a professional publication
384
00:20:39,837 --> 00:20:40,871
for butlers.
385
00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:42,339
"Sweeping and Mopping."
386
00:20:44,642 --> 00:20:46,176
Oh, Miss Fine,
now that we're friends again,
387
00:20:46,177 --> 00:20:47,811
I would be honored
if you read my play.
388
00:20:47,812 --> 00:20:50,046
After all,
you were the inspiration.
389
00:20:50,047 --> 00:20:52,716
Aww, you mean
my new found independence
390
00:20:52,717 --> 00:20:55,119
gave you the confidence
to try something new?
391
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,021
Well, that and the main
character is driven to madness
392
00:20:58,022 --> 00:20:59,690
by unrequited love
for her employer
393
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:01,771
for whom she gives up
her youth and beauty.
394
00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:08,866
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, what are
you doing home so early?
395
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:09,933
Well, unfortunately,
396
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:12,903
some uninvited pests
joined us for dinner.
397
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:15,672
Oh, you ran into my parents?
398
00:21:15,673 --> 00:21:18,008
No, lice.
399
00:21:18,009 --> 00:21:22,012
Aww, Mr. Sheffield,
you've got lice.
400
00:21:22,013 --> 00:21:24,815
Mazel tov.
401
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:28,284
That means you really
bonded with your children.
402
00:21:28,285 --> 00:21:30,988
Dad, we're starving,
can't we at least order a pizza?
403
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,756
Sweetie, your father
promised you lobster
404
00:21:33,757 --> 00:21:35,492
and lobster you shall have
405
00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:38,462
even if I've got to
take you for it myself.
406
00:21:40,131 --> 00:21:41,832
No, that's okay, pizza's fine.
407
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:43,433
Honey, we don't want to
insult your father.
408
00:21:43,434 --> 00:21:44,968
Let's go, let's go.
409
00:21:45,970 --> 00:21:47,337
You sure you don't want to come?
410
00:21:47,338 --> 00:21:48,538
Miss Fine, I've got lice,
411
00:21:48,539 --> 00:21:50,107
it itches like mad,
I've just got home.
412
00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:52,188
Why on Earth would I
want to go back out?
413
00:21:53,411 --> 00:21:57,080
Because Niles wrote a play.
414
00:21:57,081 --> 00:21:58,282
After you.
415
00:22:03,888 --> 00:22:05,289
You know, Niles, this heroine
416
00:22:05,290 --> 00:22:08,591
that you loosely based off
of me, I'm not seeing it.
417
00:22:08,592 --> 00:22:11,228
Oh, why?
She's exactly like you.
418
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:15,265
New Yorker, street smart,
brunette, 24 years old.
419
00:22:15,266 --> 00:22:16,266
Seeing it.
420
00:22:19,203 --> 00:22:21,037
- Hmm.
- Isn't it time to pick up Yetta
421
00:22:21,038 --> 00:22:22,439
at the amusement park?
422
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,975
Oh, let her have
a few more rides.
423
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:27,010
Oye.
424
00:22:36,854 --> 00:22:39,890
( Jazz music playing )
31612
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