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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Are you okay?
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00:01:00,647 --> 00:01:01,647
Uh-huh.
4
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Your stomach! Somebody help!
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On the 12th hour of the
first day of October 1989,
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16 women around the world gave birth.
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This was unusual only in the fact
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that none of these women had been
pregnant when the day first began.
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Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric
billionaire and adventurer,
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resolved to locate and adopt as
many of the children as possible.
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Extraordinary.
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How much do you want for it?
Surely you don't want to keep it.
13
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How much do you want for him?
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You lay one finger on my
grandson, I slice you in half!
15
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Excellent! I like a spirited negotiator.
16
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Love you, Marcus!
17
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Hey, next round's on Christopher!
18
00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:47,689
I said no pepperoni.
No pepperoni, dumbass!
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00:03:47,772 --> 00:03:49,983
- You said no mushrooms.
- I speak English!
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So does my son.
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We speak American, asshole.
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You are an American asshole.
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Let go of me! Let go!
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Get outta my store! Get out of here!
25
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This better be pepperoni.
26
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This isn't your home.
27
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What are you talking about?
This is the Umbrella Academy.
28
00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:48,374
Wrong again.
29
00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:51,085
This... is the Sparrow Academy.
30
00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:04,432
Dad, who the hell are these assholes?
31
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Shit.
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00:05:07,644 --> 00:05:08,770
Ben.
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00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,566
Is that really you?
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And who are the weirdos on the balcony?
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They are the Sparrows.
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00:05:20,949 --> 00:05:22,075
My children.
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00:05:57,068 --> 00:05:59,654
I'm sorry. What do you
mean, your children?
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00:06:00,154 --> 00:06:01,656
That's not possible, old man.
39
00:06:01,739 --> 00:06:04,909
Of course it is! I think
I'd know, wouldn't I?
40
00:06:05,576 --> 00:06:07,787
Everybody else can see Ben, right?
41
00:06:07,870 --> 00:06:09,080
Cute hat, Sundance.
42
00:06:09,163 --> 00:06:12,542
They call themselves
the Umbrella Academy,
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a group of scheming,
perfidious malcontents
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who accosted me in the fall of 1963
45
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when I was away on business in Dallas.
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Be warned, they claim to be my spawn.
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Claim? Look, Five, what
the hell is going on?
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00:06:28,016 --> 00:06:29,976
I don't know yet, but it's concerning.
49
00:06:30,059 --> 00:06:32,854
- Is he telling the truth?
- Not the part about us being perfidious.
50
00:06:32,937 --> 00:06:35,398
No, we're amateur-fidious, at best.
51
00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:38,276
But we are his children.
This is our house.
52
00:06:38,359 --> 00:06:40,611
Yeah, yeah. We, uh... We grew up here.
53
00:06:40,695 --> 00:06:42,488
"Yeah, we grew up here."
54
00:06:42,572 --> 00:06:44,949
I kind of think we
would have noticed you.
55
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Hi. I'm Luther.
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00:06:49,203 --> 00:06:50,913
Okay. None of you belong here.
57
00:06:50,997 --> 00:06:51,997
Oh! Well, then.
58
00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:54,751
I guess we'll just pack
our bags and move out.
59
00:06:58,463 --> 00:07:00,590
You slay me, Chris.
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00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:06,304
I wasn't expecting company.
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00:07:06,387 --> 00:07:08,389
This is the best I could do on short...
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00:07:08,473 --> 00:07:10,683
Short... Short notice.
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00:07:11,976 --> 00:07:15,063
- Mom.
- Mom? She's a robot, you perv.
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00:07:15,146 --> 00:07:17,065
- It's not a robot.
- Hey, don't you call him that.
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- Or what?
- Come closer and find out.
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00:07:18,816 --> 00:07:20,610
- Luther! Guys, chill!
- Think I'm afraid?
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00:07:20,693 --> 00:07:22,987
- Stand down, Ben.
- Look at that! She's got a voice!
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00:07:23,071 --> 00:07:25,323
How about I hide that big
Rubik's Cube up your ass?
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00:07:25,406 --> 00:07:26,699
Enough!
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00:07:28,284 --> 00:07:30,244
I don't know what
circus you escaped from
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or how you got past our security,
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00:07:32,038 --> 00:07:33,039
but we're done here.
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00:07:33,122 --> 00:07:35,333
You got 30 seconds to
get out of our house.
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00:07:35,416 --> 00:07:36,751
And if we don't?
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00:07:37,752 --> 00:07:39,921
Then we'll have to settle
this the old-fashioned way.
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Agreed.
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♪ I been working so hard ♪
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- Get him, Luther!
- ♪ Keep punching my card ♪
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- ♪ Eight hours, for what? ♪
- Luther, what are you doing?
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Protecting our honor, bro.
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♪ I got this feeling ♪
82
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♪ That time's just holding me down ♪
83
00:08:33,683 --> 00:08:36,018
Oh shit! We're really good at this!
84
00:08:36,853 --> 00:08:39,147
♪ I'll hit the ceiling ♪
85
00:08:39,939 --> 00:08:43,151
♪ Or else I'll tear up this town ♪
86
00:08:46,529 --> 00:08:48,114
♪ Tonight I gotta cut loose ♪
87
00:08:48,614 --> 00:08:49,657
♪ Footloose ♪
88
00:08:50,158 --> 00:08:52,577
♪ Kick off your Sunday shoes ♪
89
00:08:53,161 --> 00:08:54,662
♪ Please, Louise ♪
90
00:08:55,705 --> 00:08:57,623
♪ Pull me off of my knees ♪
91
00:08:58,541 --> 00:09:00,501
♪ Jack, get back ♪
92
00:09:01,294 --> 00:09:03,129
♪ C'mon before we crack ♪
93
00:09:04,172 --> 00:09:06,048
♪ Lose your blues ♪
94
00:09:06,549 --> 00:09:08,968
♪ Everybody cut footloose ♪
95
00:09:10,970 --> 00:09:12,889
♪ Cut footloose ♪
96
00:09:13,764 --> 00:09:15,683
♪ Cut footloose ♪
97
00:09:16,517 --> 00:09:18,436
♪ Cut footloose ♪
98
00:09:19,437 --> 00:09:21,981
- ♪ First ♪
- ♪ We got to turn it around ♪
99
00:09:22,064 --> 00:09:24,650
- ♪ Second ♪
- ♪ And put your feet on the ground ♪
100
00:09:24,734 --> 00:09:27,487
- ♪ Third ♪
- ♪ Now take ahold of your soul ♪
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00:09:37,663 --> 00:09:39,540
♪ I'm turning it loose ♪
102
00:09:39,624 --> 00:09:41,167
♪ Footloose ♪
103
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:43,503
♪ Kick off your Sunday shoes ♪
104
00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:46,088
♪ Please, Louise ♪
105
00:09:46,881 --> 00:09:48,925
♪ Pull me off of my knees ♪
106
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,552
♪ Jack, get back ♪
107
00:09:52,053 --> 00:09:54,096
♪ C'mon before we crack ♪
108
00:09:55,139 --> 00:09:57,600
♪ Lose your blues ♪
109
00:09:57,683 --> 00:09:59,894
♪ Everybody cut footloose ♪
110
00:09:59,977 --> 00:10:01,938
- ♪ Footloose ♪
- ♪ Footloose ♪
111
00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:03,648
♪ Kick off your Sunday shoes ♪
112
00:10:04,815 --> 00:10:06,943
♪ Please, Louise ♪
113
00:10:07,735 --> 00:10:08,945
♪ Pull me off of my ♪
114
00:10:09,028 --> 00:10:10,238
♪ Pull me off of my ♪
115
00:10:10,321 --> 00:10:12,573
♪ Pull me off of my knees ♪
116
00:10:13,115 --> 00:10:15,117
♪ Jack, get back ♪
117
00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:17,495
♪ C'mon before we crack ♪
118
00:10:18,788 --> 00:10:20,623
♪ Lose your blues ♪
119
00:10:21,374 --> 00:10:23,459
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
120
00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:26,087
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
121
00:10:26,879 --> 00:10:28,923
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
122
00:10:29,006 --> 00:10:32,093
♪ Everybody cut footloose... ♪
123
00:10:33,553 --> 00:10:36,347
You got 30 seconds
to get out of our house.
124
00:10:36,430 --> 00:10:38,474
And if we don't?
125
00:10:39,684 --> 00:10:42,186
Then we'll have to settle
this the old-fashioned way.
126
00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:46,482
Look, we just fought a literal army.
127
00:10:46,566 --> 00:10:49,360
Okay? This doesn't need to get ugly.
128
00:10:49,443 --> 00:10:52,446
Let's all just calm
down, and let's talk.
129
00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:54,574
Psst. Ben-er-ino.
130
00:10:55,408 --> 00:10:58,619
You look so much better
alive than you do dead.
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00:10:58,703 --> 00:10:59,745
Am I right?
132
00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:01,414
Except that haircut.
133
00:11:02,415 --> 00:11:04,667
- What the hell did you just say?
- Come on, come on.
134
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:07,795
Stop with all the
hostility, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
135
00:11:08,462 --> 00:11:10,047
Oh wow. Nice scar.
136
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:11,700
Muy macho.
137
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:13,009
Shut your mouth!
138
00:11:13,092 --> 00:11:15,052
You shut your mouth and
just hug your brother...
139
00:11:16,095 --> 00:11:18,931
Hey! What the hell?
140
00:11:19,015 --> 00:11:21,392
- You didn't have to do that!
- Oh, I'm pretty sure I did!
141
00:11:21,475 --> 00:11:22,893
- He did.
- Get back!
142
00:11:22,977 --> 00:11:24,895
- Luther, hey!
- Back off!
143
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:30,567
Oh shit!
144
00:11:33,279 --> 00:11:35,406
Bad touch, Luther! Bad touch!
145
00:11:35,489 --> 00:11:36,490
Sorry.
146
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,294
All right. Peace and love,
peace and love. Here I come.
147
00:11:48,377 --> 00:11:49,962
Damn it.
148
00:11:50,046 --> 00:11:51,547
Come at me, litter box!
149
00:11:53,341 --> 00:11:56,052
Hey! Listen, I have
amazing hair, all right?
150
00:11:56,135 --> 00:11:57,470
This was era-appropriate!
151
00:11:59,513 --> 00:12:00,514
That's all you got?
152
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:15,446
You're alive. That's...
great. Or possibly horrible.
153
00:12:15,529 --> 00:12:18,032
- I'm not really sure yet.
- Is that some kind of weird smack talk?
154
00:12:18,115 --> 00:12:20,201
It's more of an existential
problem, really, Ben.
155
00:12:20,284 --> 00:12:22,119
Awesome. Well, here's your next problem.
156
00:12:25,873 --> 00:12:28,668
You know, even though
you're a total asshat now...
157
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:34,215
... it's nice to see you again, really.
158
00:12:38,636 --> 00:12:41,138
Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy!
159
00:12:41,222 --> 00:12:44,767
Who's... your... daddy?
160
00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:56,820
I don't wanna fight you!
161
00:13:00,074 --> 00:13:02,076
Aww! Did you wanna be best friends?
162
00:13:07,039 --> 00:13:08,791
You know, for a blind
person, you're not bad.
163
00:13:08,874 --> 00:13:10,167
Who says I'm blind, asshole?
164
00:13:22,638 --> 00:13:23,931
Should I step in and help?
165
00:13:24,014 --> 00:13:26,100
Nah. She's making a point.
166
00:13:26,183 --> 00:13:27,183
Popcorn?
167
00:13:30,521 --> 00:13:31,856
My turn.
168
00:13:38,028 --> 00:13:39,572
Art snob, huh?
169
00:13:43,868 --> 00:13:45,411
See? We're hugging!
170
00:13:45,494 --> 00:13:46,996
This is progress!
171
00:13:59,049 --> 00:14:00,050
By the way,
172
00:14:00,634 --> 00:14:02,803
I heard a rumor you can't move.
173
00:14:05,431 --> 00:14:06,599
- Hit me.
- What?
174
00:14:06,682 --> 00:14:08,476
- Come on. Hit me in the face.
- Okay.
175
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:09,559
Hit me!
176
00:14:28,162 --> 00:14:29,162
I bet that hurt, huh?
177
00:14:35,669 --> 00:14:36,670
Fast little guy.
178
00:14:39,006 --> 00:14:40,924
- Thanks.
- No problem.
179
00:14:40,925 --> 00:14:43,469
Hey, short pants. What's up?
180
00:14:44,804 --> 00:14:47,640
Go help the others.
I'll handle this one.
181
00:14:47,723 --> 00:14:49,558
- Okay.
- What are you, their mascot?
182
00:14:52,686 --> 00:14:53,854
More like their ringer.
183
00:14:55,397 --> 00:14:56,397
Ugh.
184
00:14:56,774 --> 00:14:58,317
Hey, gross, all right?
185
00:15:01,362 --> 00:15:02,488
The hell?
186
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:16,961
Delores?
187
00:15:17,386 --> 00:15:18,420
Delores?
188
00:15:47,324 --> 00:15:48,450
Ugh.
189
00:15:52,955 --> 00:15:54,373
Are they all perverts?
190
00:16:08,387 --> 00:16:10,222
See?
191
00:16:11,265 --> 00:16:14,518
- Bigger isn't always better.
- Is that what you tell your girlfriends?
192
00:16:19,607 --> 00:16:21,859
- Thai food for dinner?
- I could go for pad see ew.
193
00:16:21,942 --> 00:16:23,319
I'm in. Marcus, Thai?
194
00:16:23,402 --> 00:16:25,362
Why are you even asking
him? He hates Thai.
195
00:16:25,446 --> 00:16:27,489
- What? Since when?
- Fine. Italian?
196
00:16:27,573 --> 00:16:29,825
- Absolutely not.
- I could do Italian.
197
00:16:36,665 --> 00:16:38,876
- We done here?
- Nope.
198
00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:41,128
I don't run from a fight.
199
00:16:41,211 --> 00:16:44,381
- Yeah, that's the wrong answer, dude.
- Let him finish him off.
200
00:16:45,966 --> 00:16:46,967
Then let's end this.
201
00:16:56,852 --> 00:16:58,312
- Stay down!
- Luther!
202
00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:00,021
Vanya!
203
00:17:00,022 --> 00:17:01,106
You again.
204
00:17:05,486 --> 00:17:07,071
Luther, go! Get out!
205
00:17:11,408 --> 00:17:12,618
No!
206
00:17:49,196 --> 00:17:51,657
Which one are you? Scruffy? Fatty?
207
00:17:51,740 --> 00:17:53,951
Sad Girl? I forget the rest.
208
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:56,286
Who are these absolute psychopaths,
209
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,163
and why are they in our house?
210
00:17:58,247 --> 00:18:00,457
Simple. Once your oafish tribe
211
00:18:00,541 --> 00:18:03,210
showed me what a poor job I
did with my first selections,
212
00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:04,712
I adopted them instead of you.
213
00:18:04,712 --> 00:18:05,712
Dad!
214
00:18:05,713 --> 00:18:09,216
I'm not your father, young
man. Not anymore. Biscuit?
215
00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:11,760
Klaus! We gotta go, man.
Now. These guys are too good.
216
00:18:12,761 --> 00:18:15,264
For you guys. I'm loving it.
217
00:18:15,347 --> 00:18:17,433
But you're probably gonna die. Come on.
218
00:18:26,692 --> 00:18:29,820
Oh! Shit.
219
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:34,116
Hey, I'm sorry. Uh, are you okay?
220
00:18:35,034 --> 00:18:36,034
Yeah.
221
00:18:37,453 --> 00:18:38,495
Hi.
222
00:18:39,204 --> 00:18:40,289
I'm Sloane.
223
00:18:41,707 --> 00:18:42,791
Hey, Sloane.
224
00:18:42,875 --> 00:18:44,168
Uh...
225
00:18:45,044 --> 00:18:47,212
- I'm Luther.
- Luther, we're leaving! Come on!
226
00:18:47,296 --> 00:18:49,256
- Just a second...
- Come on! We gotta go!
227
00:18:57,639 --> 00:18:59,600
- Seriously?
- Move, move, move, move!
228
00:19:03,937 --> 00:19:05,022
The briefcase!
229
00:19:05,105 --> 00:19:06,105
- What?
- No time!
230
00:19:06,106 --> 00:19:09,026
- I hate that he can do that!
- Go! Shut it!
231
00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:10,109
Quick! Get in!
232
00:19:13,072 --> 00:19:14,406
Oh shit.
233
00:19:23,248 --> 00:19:25,125
- Oh shit!
- What do we do?
234
00:19:26,543 --> 00:19:27,544
Haul ass!
235
00:19:28,879 --> 00:19:30,380
Where's the briefcase?
236
00:19:30,464 --> 00:19:31,632
Shit, it's gone!
237
00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:37,387
Vanya, get out of there!
238
00:20:41,785 --> 00:20:42,828
It's over.
239
00:20:43,537 --> 00:20:44,537
Go.
240
00:20:44,955 --> 00:20:46,832
Don't come back.
241
00:21:41,678 --> 00:21:44,473
Just gonna sit. I'm just
gonna sit for a minute.
242
00:21:45,933 --> 00:21:47,059
That didn't go well.
243
00:21:47,142 --> 00:21:48,769
No, not our best work.
244
00:21:48,852 --> 00:21:50,562
Oh, I'm cracking.
245
00:21:51,897 --> 00:21:52,898
You all right?
246
00:21:52,981 --> 00:21:54,107
I don't know yet.
247
00:21:54,191 --> 00:21:58,237
I've just never had my ass
handed to me like that before.
248
00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,363
It's like...
249
00:22:00,906 --> 00:22:01,990
Here you go.
250
00:22:03,325 --> 00:22:04,701
It's your ass.
251
00:22:07,746 --> 00:22:09,456
Okay, I think Luther's concussed.
252
00:22:10,165 --> 00:22:11,250
Luther, how many fingers?
253
00:22:12,376 --> 00:22:14,044
Oh my God. Vanya.
254
00:22:14,127 --> 00:22:15,963
Oh. Thank God you're alive.
255
00:22:16,046 --> 00:22:17,839
- You okay?
- Apparently, so is Ben.
256
00:22:17,923 --> 00:22:19,258
Yeah. And he's a complete dickhead.
257
00:22:19,341 --> 00:22:21,677
- They're all dickheads.
- Dickheads who can fight.
258
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,471
Okay, next person to say "dickhead"
is getting a punch to the throat.
259
00:22:24,554 --> 00:22:26,890
Dickhead.
260
00:22:26,974 --> 00:22:29,059
Hey, did Dad tell you why
he was calling them his kids?
261
00:22:29,142 --> 00:22:30,435
He sure did!
262
00:22:30,519 --> 00:22:31,812
You ready?
263
00:22:31,895 --> 00:22:34,731
Dad was so repulsed by us back in Texas,
264
00:22:34,815 --> 00:22:37,442
that he adopted an entirely
different group of children
265
00:22:37,526 --> 00:22:40,070
just so that he didn't have to raise us.
266
00:22:40,153 --> 00:22:41,822
- That's just peak Dad.
- Isn't it?
267
00:22:41,905 --> 00:22:44,449
- So he just didn't want us anymore?
- Did he ever?
268
00:22:44,533 --> 00:22:47,411
See? I told you we shouldn't
have asked him for help in '63.
269
00:22:47,494 --> 00:22:49,329
I think you're all missing
the big picture here.
270
00:22:50,038 --> 00:22:52,582
If Dad didn't adopt us as
kids, he changed the timeline.
271
00:22:52,666 --> 00:22:54,751
So who knows what else is different now.
272
00:22:54,835 --> 00:22:56,128
Shouldn't you know?
273
00:22:56,211 --> 00:22:58,110
Sorry, Allison, but
it might take me more
274
00:22:58,111 --> 00:23:00,090
than 20 minutes and a
traumatic brain injury
275
00:23:00,173 --> 00:23:01,216
to figure this all out.
276
00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:02,676
Is that okay with you?
277
00:23:02,759 --> 00:23:04,344
No, actually, it's not.
278
00:23:04,428 --> 00:23:06,138
Guys, look, it's fine.
279
00:23:06,221 --> 00:23:08,140
We still have the
Commission's briefcase,
280
00:23:08,223 --> 00:23:11,435
so worst case, we can just
go back in time and fix it.
281
00:23:11,518 --> 00:23:12,686
- Great.
- Okay.
282
00:23:12,769 --> 00:23:14,688
There are two problems
with that statement.
283
00:23:14,771 --> 00:23:16,773
- First off...
- Here we go.
284
00:23:16,857 --> 00:23:20,694
- Time travel is complicated, people.
- Yeah, we get it. Your job is so hard.
285
00:23:20,777 --> 00:23:21,777
Just... what?
286
00:23:21,820 --> 00:23:22,820
And secondly...
287
00:23:24,489 --> 00:23:26,241
I no longer have the briefcase.
288
00:23:28,493 --> 00:23:31,038
Five, where the hell is the briefcase?
289
00:25:04,923 --> 00:25:06,049
What are we doing?
290
00:25:07,259 --> 00:25:09,803
- Ruminating.
- Why is everyone staring at us?
291
00:25:09,886 --> 00:25:12,347
Because we look like the damn
Village People just lost a fight.
292
00:25:12,431 --> 00:25:13,932
- Gimme that. Hey.
- Ow!'
293
00:25:14,015 --> 00:25:16,017
- You know what? I need to go find Claire.
- Cut it out.
294
00:25:16,101 --> 00:25:18,228
- I will catch up with you guys later.
- Hey, Allison, no.
295
00:25:18,311 --> 00:25:20,856
First, let's get somewhere
safe, clean up those cuts,
296
00:25:20,939 --> 00:25:22,607
and then we'll go find her.
297
00:25:22,691 --> 00:25:24,526
Man, I hate those guys.
298
00:25:26,778 --> 00:25:30,866
Look at 'em with their... stupid smug...
299
00:25:30,949 --> 00:25:32,951
You can do it. You can do it.
300
00:25:33,618 --> 00:25:35,454
... s... s... smug...
301
00:25:36,746 --> 00:25:37,747
smugness.
302
00:25:38,290 --> 00:25:42,085
Keep working on it, big guy.
You'll land one, eventually.
303
00:25:42,169 --> 00:25:43,587
But honestly, what are we doing?
304
00:25:43,670 --> 00:25:45,839
We can't stand here
bleeding out in this park.
305
00:25:45,922 --> 00:25:47,395
I don't know, but we better gear up fast
306
00:25:47,396 --> 00:25:48,592
before they come for round two.
307
00:25:48,675 --> 00:25:50,302
What makes you think
they'll come after us?
308
00:25:50,385 --> 00:25:51,595
Because I would.
309
00:25:52,304 --> 00:25:54,806
- Yeah, we did break into their house...
- Our house.
310
00:25:54,890 --> 00:25:57,559
... bust up all their
nice antiques and shit.
311
00:25:57,642 --> 00:25:59,626
Yeah. I don't think
the crime-fighting...
312
00:25:59,626 --> 00:26:01,271
super nerds are gonna let that go.
313
00:26:01,354 --> 00:26:03,523
Let's just think of
some place off the radar
314
00:26:03,607 --> 00:26:05,275
where we can lie low
and not draw attention.
315
00:26:05,358 --> 00:26:08,111
What kind of a weird-ass place
are we not gonna draw attention?
316
00:26:34,971 --> 00:26:37,933
Oh. Okay. Honestly?
317
00:26:38,433 --> 00:26:39,433
Okay.
318
00:26:40,894 --> 00:26:43,104
We don't all need to be squeezed...
319
00:26:43,188 --> 00:26:45,607
There were two entrances, by the way.
320
00:26:46,733 --> 00:26:51,488
Oh, Hotel Obsidian. I missed
you, you slutty old dame.
321
00:26:52,239 --> 00:26:53,240
Absorb her.
322
00:26:53,323 --> 00:26:55,325
Absorb her into your bosom.
323
00:26:55,408 --> 00:26:59,246
You know, 'cause back in her heyday,
she played host to world leaders.
324
00:26:59,329 --> 00:27:00,455
Roosevelt, Gandhi,
325
00:27:00,539 --> 00:27:02,415
Stalin, Gorbachev, Castro,
326
00:27:02,499 --> 00:27:04,042
King Olaf of Norway,
327
00:27:04,125 --> 00:27:06,962
one of the Kim Jongs,
Tito, Dalai Lama, Elvis,
328
00:27:07,045 --> 00:27:11,258
and not one but two
Kardashians, allegedly.
329
00:27:12,384 --> 00:27:14,928
- Wouldn't that... Where you going?
- I gotta make a call.
330
00:27:15,011 --> 00:27:18,557
Nowadays, she's just a
flophouse, a party house
331
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:23,770
for those of us not looking to be
judged by society's rules and norms.
332
00:27:24,396 --> 00:27:25,522
You mean, a place to hide?
333
00:27:25,605 --> 00:27:27,190
Exactly! It's perfect!
334
00:27:27,274 --> 00:27:30,277
And the best part of it is,
she's gonna look after us,
335
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:31,611
no questions asked.
336
00:27:31,695 --> 00:27:33,363
Never ever. Right?
337
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:38,200
Come on.
338
00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:40,996
- I may have questions.
- Yeah, me too.
339
00:27:42,789 --> 00:27:44,499
This place is weird.
340
00:27:59,389 --> 00:28:02,017
Hi, you've reached Patrick.
Leave a message after the beep.
341
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:04,936
Patrick. Hey, it's Allison.
342
00:28:05,812 --> 00:28:08,648
I know I've missed a few
calls home. It's just, um...
343
00:28:10,900 --> 00:28:12,110
Well, it's, um...
344
00:28:15,196 --> 00:28:16,406
Anyway, um...
345
00:28:18,074 --> 00:28:19,576
I'll call Claire later.
346
00:28:21,453 --> 00:28:22,495
Please tell her
347
00:28:23,830 --> 00:28:25,248
that Mommy misses her.
348
00:28:28,293 --> 00:28:29,961
So much.
349
00:28:36,384 --> 00:28:38,219
Chet! Mon frère!
350
00:28:38,303 --> 00:28:42,223
It's so great to see you. I'd
like my usual suite, por favor.
351
00:28:42,307 --> 00:28:44,768
I've never seen you before.
352
00:28:44,851 --> 00:28:47,103
See? Told you. Discreet.
353
00:28:47,187 --> 00:28:49,105
Please stop scaring my dog.
354
00:28:51,566 --> 00:28:53,777
- We need some rooms, please.
- Super.
355
00:28:54,944 --> 00:28:57,822
And how will we be paying today?
356
00:28:59,157 --> 00:29:00,408
- Ah.
- Oh.
357
00:29:01,701 --> 00:29:03,203
Fine. Empty your pockets.
358
00:29:03,745 --> 00:29:05,080
Come on. Something.
359
00:29:05,747 --> 00:29:08,917
- Condom? Put the knife away!
- Can't exchange those for cash.
360
00:29:09,959 --> 00:29:11,461
Why do I have a hairnet?
361
00:29:13,296 --> 00:29:14,296
Oh.
362
00:29:15,423 --> 00:29:16,841
All right.
363
00:29:20,053 --> 00:29:21,471
Ooh.
364
00:29:21,554 --> 00:29:23,264
What does this get us?
365
00:29:33,608 --> 00:29:34,984
Two rooms.
366
00:29:35,068 --> 00:29:36,736
Mazel tov.
367
00:29:36,820 --> 00:29:38,029
- Awesome.
- All right.
368
00:29:38,113 --> 00:29:41,116
Well, let's Brady Bunch this bitch.
369
00:29:43,743 --> 00:29:46,746
Uh, meet back in the bar in
two hours so we can make a plan.
370
00:29:48,123 --> 00:29:49,123
I have a plan.
371
00:29:50,083 --> 00:29:52,627
We attack the Sparrows,
and we take back our house,
372
00:29:52,711 --> 00:29:55,755
and then we punch Dad a bit
until he admits that we're better
373
00:29:55,839 --> 00:29:57,799
and he loves us more. Boom! Done!
374
00:29:57,882 --> 00:29:58,883
We're wasting time!
375
00:29:58,967 --> 00:30:00,927
Relax. Don't sweat it, man.
376
00:30:01,010 --> 00:30:03,638
Those shit birds are
staying put for a while.
377
00:30:03,722 --> 00:30:05,682
I bet they're as wiped as we are.
378
00:30:06,850 --> 00:30:07,959
- Really?
- Yeah. I mean,
379
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,603
kicking our asses looked exhausting.
380
00:30:14,524 --> 00:30:18,027
Big one is strong but
slow, possibly stupid.
381
00:30:18,570 --> 00:30:21,281
Some sort of... simian hybrid.
382
00:30:21,364 --> 00:30:23,116
Who took the little jumpy guy?
383
00:30:23,199 --> 00:30:25,410
Me. Just gave him a spanking
and sent him to school.
384
00:30:25,493 --> 00:30:26,661
Hey-oh!
385
00:30:28,621 --> 00:30:30,415
The skinny one is their weak link.
386
00:30:30,498 --> 00:30:32,165
Unless hiding behind couches shouting,
387
00:30:32,166 --> 00:30:35,003
"Where's my daddy?" is his superpower.
388
00:30:36,838 --> 00:30:40,341
Enough post-gaming. They
disrespected us, Marcus.
389
00:30:40,425 --> 00:30:43,136
We need to be out there finding
these freaks and taking 'em out.
390
00:30:43,219 --> 00:30:44,721
Oh, you mean like this?
391
00:30:54,731 --> 00:30:58,902
Can someone explain how you got your
asses handed to you in 30 seconds?
392
00:30:58,985 --> 00:31:01,780
Do you have any idea what
would happen to our reputation
393
00:31:01,863 --> 00:31:04,157
if anyone had seen that?
394
00:31:06,284 --> 00:31:09,245
I mean, we haven't faced
decent enemies for years.
395
00:31:09,329 --> 00:31:11,164
This could be good for us.
396
00:31:12,207 --> 00:31:13,291
Good for business.
397
00:31:13,374 --> 00:31:17,462
But only if we're smart
with our next move.
398
00:31:20,632 --> 00:31:21,966
You summoned, Number One?
399
00:31:23,092 --> 00:31:24,092
Sit.
400
00:31:27,305 --> 00:31:31,059
You spent time with these
people. What's your assessment?
401
00:31:31,643 --> 00:31:34,144
Unimpressive.
Neanderthals on a day pass.
402
00:31:34,144 --> 00:31:36,523
Cried too much and showered too little.
403
00:31:36,606 --> 00:31:38,850
The only thing they
lacked more than grit
404
00:31:38,851 --> 00:31:40,360
was any regard for one another.
405
00:31:40,443 --> 00:31:43,196
No loyalty. We can use that.
406
00:31:43,279 --> 00:31:46,241
Good. Give a full report to Christopher.
407
00:31:50,995 --> 00:31:51,995
Still,
408
00:31:52,914 --> 00:31:55,834
I wouldn't underestimate
the Umbrella Academy.
409
00:31:56,417 --> 00:31:59,087
Yes, their skills are as
lacking as their hygiene,
410
00:31:59,170 --> 00:32:03,633
yet somehow, they
saved the world in 1963.
411
00:32:04,676 --> 00:32:05,927
Had they not,
412
00:32:07,178 --> 00:32:09,514
none of you would be standing here now.
413
00:32:11,766 --> 00:32:13,268
Perhaps I misjudged them.
414
00:32:16,980 --> 00:32:18,731
Yes, yes. I'm going.
415
00:32:24,404 --> 00:32:26,155
Not in this hotel.
416
00:32:26,239 --> 00:32:27,740
Oh!
417
00:32:28,408 --> 00:32:30,451
See? It's paradise.
418
00:32:31,035 --> 00:32:33,663
High ceilings, sense of space.
419
00:32:33,746 --> 00:32:34,914
Aromatic.
420
00:32:34,998 --> 00:32:36,499
What the hell?
421
00:32:37,166 --> 00:32:39,586
- Where's the bathroom?
- Down the hall, or...
422
00:32:41,129 --> 00:32:42,755
Nature's bathroom.
423
00:32:42,839 --> 00:32:44,048
You're disgusting.
424
00:32:44,132 --> 00:32:45,383
But consistent.
425
00:32:45,466 --> 00:32:47,302
Let's unpack. Settle in.
426
00:32:48,011 --> 00:32:51,055
Unpack? Unpack what? We
don't own anything anymore.
427
00:32:51,139 --> 00:32:52,932
Yes, Luther. Isn't that liberating?
428
00:32:53,016 --> 00:32:54,934
What are you, a commie?
429
00:32:55,018 --> 00:32:57,896
No! If I wanted bunk
beds and group showers,
430
00:32:57,979 --> 00:33:00,106
I would've stayed in the Texas nuthouse.
431
00:33:00,189 --> 00:33:02,317
At least they had free Jell-O.
432
00:33:03,484 --> 00:33:05,403
- And Lila.
- Jell-O!
433
00:33:05,486 --> 00:33:07,572
Hey, Diego.
434
00:33:07,655 --> 00:33:10,491
I just spent the past 20
straight days saving the world.
435
00:33:10,575 --> 00:33:11,575
Twice.
436
00:33:12,327 --> 00:33:16,414
Can I get five minutes to relax
before figuring all the new kinks out?
437
00:33:16,497 --> 00:33:17,999
Please and thank you.
438
00:33:18,082 --> 00:33:19,959
And Dad said I'd never
go to summer camp.
439
00:33:20,043 --> 00:33:21,794
This is great.
440
00:33:22,670 --> 00:33:24,881
All right, I'm bored. Cocktail, anyone?
441
00:33:24,964 --> 00:33:25,964
Five?
442
00:33:25,965 --> 00:33:27,592
I'll take a scotch if you have one.
443
00:33:33,222 --> 00:33:35,767
It's not too small.
444
00:33:35,850 --> 00:33:37,810
It's definitely ugly.
445
00:33:42,857 --> 00:33:46,653
Last night, I was sleeping in my
own bed next to my amazing husband.
446
00:33:47,779 --> 00:33:50,323
I kissed Sissy goodbye a few hours ago.
447
00:33:51,574 --> 00:33:53,034
Give or take 50 years.
448
00:33:57,121 --> 00:34:00,041
I'm glad you finally found
somebody that treated you right.
449
00:34:00,875 --> 00:34:02,835
She saw me for who I really am.
450
00:34:05,046 --> 00:34:06,923
I'm not ready to give that up.
451
00:34:08,091 --> 00:34:09,759
I feel the same about Ray.
452
00:34:12,804 --> 00:34:16,849
We better not have left them just
to die in some superhero turf war.
453
00:34:19,143 --> 00:34:20,395
You need to go home.
454
00:34:21,521 --> 00:34:22,730
Hug your daughter.
455
00:34:31,656 --> 00:34:34,617
What if Diego's right
and the Sparrows attack?
456
00:34:34,701 --> 00:34:37,245
We fought the entire Commission.
457
00:34:37,328 --> 00:34:40,999
I mean, we can handle, what?
Seven jerks in uniforms?
458
00:34:41,874 --> 00:34:43,710
They just caught us off guard.
459
00:34:45,253 --> 00:34:46,253
Yeah.
460
00:34:55,138 --> 00:34:56,681
You should go to the airport.
461
00:34:58,599 --> 00:35:00,435
And get back to your real life.
462
00:35:01,102 --> 00:35:02,437
I would if I could.
463
00:35:12,655 --> 00:35:13,781
Thank you.
464
00:35:16,034 --> 00:35:17,410
You're a good sister.
465
00:36:02,580 --> 00:36:03,831
Dumb mistake.
466
00:36:05,374 --> 00:36:06,834
Mom, my hands are wet.
467
00:37:23,786 --> 00:37:25,329
I'm glad we're doing this.
468
00:37:26,205 --> 00:37:27,826
Whatever happens
between our two families,
469
00:37:27,826 --> 00:37:29,292
the Number Ones should orchestrate it.
470
00:37:31,377 --> 00:37:33,045
I'm Number Seven, actually.
471
00:37:35,131 --> 00:37:36,591
Well, then somebody screwed up.
472
00:37:38,759 --> 00:37:41,137
My brothers think you're
gonna come after us.
473
00:37:43,389 --> 00:37:44,557
I don't want a war.
474
00:37:45,183 --> 00:37:46,184
We've lost enough.
475
00:37:46,267 --> 00:37:48,352
Then you shouldn't have
attacked us in our own house.
476
00:37:50,730 --> 00:37:51,730
Look,
477
00:37:52,732 --> 00:37:54,400
this isn't personal,
478
00:37:54,483 --> 00:37:56,944
but we're the only
superhero game in town.
479
00:37:57,028 --> 00:37:58,654
We have this place
under complete control.
480
00:37:58,738 --> 00:38:00,406
But if your people
start taking shots at us,
481
00:38:00,489 --> 00:38:02,575
it will give the sheep ideas.
482
00:38:02,658 --> 00:38:03,658
We won't. That's...
483
00:38:03,701 --> 00:38:06,245
And I'm just supposed to
take your word on that?
484
00:38:06,329 --> 00:38:07,747
For your whole family?
485
00:38:09,248 --> 00:38:11,209
You're not even their Number One.
486
00:38:13,044 --> 00:38:15,004
And I'm sorry, but I can't risk that.
487
00:38:15,713 --> 00:38:18,883
So if you came here to beg me
not to make the next move...
488
00:38:22,220 --> 00:38:23,930
I came here to tell you mine.
489
00:38:25,890 --> 00:38:28,976
Tomorrow morning, when your
busloads of fans show up,
490
00:38:29,060 --> 00:38:31,646
I'm gonna be there on your front lawn,
491
00:38:32,772 --> 00:38:36,025
and I'm gonna call you out
for a fight, just you and me.
492
00:38:38,361 --> 00:38:39,361
Why?
493
00:38:40,655 --> 00:38:42,281
Because your team is good.
494
00:38:44,700 --> 00:38:45,952
Better than mine, maybe.
495
00:38:48,454 --> 00:38:51,040
But I don't think you're
better than me, Marcus.
496
00:38:53,584 --> 00:38:57,129
I ended the world twice.
497
00:38:58,172 --> 00:38:59,215
And you?
498
00:39:00,174 --> 00:39:02,051
You're just meat in spandex.
499
00:39:03,844 --> 00:39:06,847
And I bet you don't want
the whole world watching
500
00:39:06,931 --> 00:39:08,474
when I prove that to you.
501
00:39:22,655 --> 00:39:24,490
What do you really want, Vanya?
502
00:39:25,825 --> 00:39:28,494
You have something I
need, and I want it back.
503
00:39:53,477 --> 00:39:55,104
He's making a deal with them.
504
00:39:55,604 --> 00:39:56,647
I'll handle it.
505
00:40:09,285 --> 00:40:13,331
You should try chewing. You
might actually taste the food.
506
00:40:13,414 --> 00:40:14,582
I haven't eaten in days.
507
00:40:14,665 --> 00:40:16,876
What's wrong?
508
00:40:16,959 --> 00:40:18,669
- You look happy.
- I am plenty happy.
509
00:40:18,753 --> 00:40:21,255
Had a nap and a shvitz.
What does a man need?
510
00:40:21,339 --> 00:40:23,257
Brothers who don't
eat like barn animals?
511
00:40:25,926 --> 00:40:28,512
So I've been thinking through
our little timeline snafu,
512
00:40:28,596 --> 00:40:32,224
and I'm pleased to report that in
my professional, expert opinion,
513
00:40:32,308 --> 00:40:33,809
we are totally in the clear.
514
00:40:33,893 --> 00:40:35,227
- Awesome!
- Huh!
515
00:40:35,311 --> 00:40:36,311
- Great.
- Yeah.
516
00:40:36,312 --> 00:40:38,606
- So everything's totally fine?
- More or less.
517
00:40:38,689 --> 00:40:42,026
I mean, there is one... small thing.
518
00:40:42,109 --> 00:40:43,861
It's nothing we can't manage.
519
00:40:47,156 --> 00:40:48,699
So spit it out, Boomer!
520
00:40:48,783 --> 00:40:51,035
Fine, Diego, it's like this.
521
00:40:51,118 --> 00:40:55,414
Dad didn't adopt us as babies, but
those babies still existed here.
522
00:40:55,498 --> 00:40:56,498
Aww!
523
00:40:56,499 --> 00:40:58,876
We just grew up in different
places with different people.
524
00:40:58,959 --> 00:40:59,959
So?
525
00:41:00,461 --> 00:41:02,254
So where are they now?
526
00:41:02,338 --> 00:41:05,508
Odds are, we each have
identical versions of ourselves
527
00:41:05,591 --> 00:41:09,095
walking around out there, living
completely different lives.
528
00:41:12,431 --> 00:41:14,350
- Our doppelgängers!
- That's a made-up word.
529
00:41:14,433 --> 00:41:16,602
No, no! I learned all
about this in Texas.
530
00:41:16,685 --> 00:41:18,646
Tell him about the
paranoid psychosis, Five.
531
00:41:18,729 --> 00:41:21,440
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! I thought
you said this wasn't a problem.
532
00:41:21,524 --> 00:41:22,775
Okay, yes, technically,
533
00:41:22,776 --> 00:41:25,184
if you're near your doppel
for long, you'll go insane.
534
00:41:25,277 --> 00:41:27,154
- So, if you see your other self...
- Kill them.
535
00:41:27,238 --> 00:41:28,739
- Sleep with them.
- Avoid them.
536
00:41:28,823 --> 00:41:30,199
- What is wrong with you?
- Come on.
537
00:41:30,282 --> 00:41:32,451
As if you wouldn't
climb Luther Mountain.
538
00:41:32,535 --> 00:41:34,580
Wait. How are we supposed to guarantee
539
00:41:34,581 --> 00:41:36,205
we don't cross paths with ourselves?
540
00:41:36,288 --> 00:41:38,416
Easy. We're the Benetton
ad of superheroes,
541
00:41:38,499 --> 00:41:41,710
born all around the world
until Dad brought us here,
542
00:41:41,794 --> 00:41:43,170
which he no longer did.
543
00:41:43,254 --> 00:41:45,714
Doppels probably aren't even
in the same time zone as us.
544
00:41:45,798 --> 00:41:46,841
That's true.
545
00:41:46,924 --> 00:41:48,426
- Yeah.
- Would you pass the moo shu?
546
00:41:49,593 --> 00:41:51,600
I don't know. Doesn't
it seem kind of rude
547
00:41:51,601 --> 00:41:54,640
that Dad unadopting us
didn't change anything?
548
00:41:54,723 --> 00:41:55,933
- I'm offended.
- Hold up.
549
00:41:56,016 --> 00:41:58,185
- I never said that, Klaus.
- I'll be right back.
550
00:41:58,269 --> 00:42:00,521
How are we gonna know where it changed?
551
00:42:15,744 --> 00:42:16,744
Hello, lover.
552
00:42:18,205 --> 00:42:19,623
Holy shit.
553
00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:22,793
You really came back.
554
00:42:22,877 --> 00:42:24,086
You miss me already?
555
00:42:24,795 --> 00:42:25,921
That's too bad.
556
00:42:26,464 --> 00:42:29,592
I'm not here to stick around. I'm
just doing a quick little drop-off.
557
00:42:30,092 --> 00:42:31,092
Of what?
558
00:42:32,052 --> 00:42:33,095
Our son.
559
00:42:33,179 --> 00:42:34,930
Diego, meet Stan.
560
00:42:36,307 --> 00:42:37,766
Say hello, Stanley!
561
00:42:37,850 --> 00:42:38,976
Hello, Stanley.
562
00:42:39,059 --> 00:42:40,144
Wait. What?
563
00:42:40,686 --> 00:42:43,481
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, this is...
564
00:42:46,984 --> 00:42:50,196
Hey, this is a... It's a joke, right?
565
00:42:50,279 --> 00:42:52,406
That your boys can swim fast? Yeah.
566
00:42:52,490 --> 00:42:53,782
Joke's on me there.
567
00:42:53,866 --> 00:42:55,784
I've had Stan for 12 years.
568
00:42:57,119 --> 00:42:59,288
It's time for you to do your part.
569
00:42:59,371 --> 00:43:00,623
Have fun bonding.
570
00:43:01,248 --> 00:43:02,333
Be good for Mommy.
571
00:43:07,505 --> 00:43:08,631
So...
572
00:43:10,090 --> 00:43:11,175
Do you got any food?
573
00:43:18,349 --> 00:43:19,349
Grace.
574
00:43:20,726 --> 00:43:22,353
Have you seen a briefcase?
575
00:43:25,272 --> 00:43:26,398
What are you doing?
576
00:43:28,901 --> 00:43:29,944
Worshiping.
577
00:43:43,749 --> 00:43:44,749
Holy shit.
578
00:43:47,545 --> 00:43:48,545
Yes.
579
00:43:49,296 --> 00:43:50,339
It is holy.
580
00:43:55,052 --> 00:43:56,470
Isn't it beautiful?
581
00:43:58,055 --> 00:44:00,683
Grace, what is this thing?
582
00:44:01,642 --> 00:44:02,642
A miracle.
583
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:06,855
I can't make out what
it's saying. Can you?
584
00:44:13,028 --> 00:44:14,321
It's just noise.
585
00:44:14,405 --> 00:44:15,823
No, Marcus.
586
00:44:15,906 --> 00:44:17,950
It's a message from God.
587
00:44:18,450 --> 00:44:19,450
Listen.
588
00:44:26,417 --> 00:44:27,543
I hear it.
589
00:44:35,175 --> 00:44:36,927
You mind your manners.
590
00:45:05,205 --> 00:45:08,042
The point is, we did
it. We saved the world.
591
00:45:08,125 --> 00:45:09,543
We stopped the apocalypse.
592
00:45:10,127 --> 00:45:12,212
And made it home safe
in time for dinner.
593
00:45:12,296 --> 00:45:14,214
So whatever Dad changed,
594
00:45:14,298 --> 00:45:16,842
whatever timeline we're in now...
595
00:45:18,010 --> 00:45:19,136
... we can handle it.
596
00:45:20,262 --> 00:45:21,263
We won.
597
00:45:24,642 --> 00:45:25,642
We won.
598
00:45:26,018 --> 00:45:27,061
Yeah.
599
00:45:27,144 --> 00:45:28,228
- All right.
- All right.
600
00:45:42,619 --> 00:45:47,619
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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