Original subtitles

( music playing )

ROD: Tonight's stars,

Joe Flynn,

Cameron Mitchell,

Elsa Lanchester,

Werner Klemperer,

Pernell Roberts,

and Susan Oliver,

Good evening,

please come in,

These little objet d'art

that you see surrounding me,

you won't find

in your average art museum,

because these are unusual

paintings and statuary

that come to life or death,

whatever the case may be,

because this is

the Night Gallery,

For the horticulturist

amongst you,

here's a dandy,

a lady who plants things

and then steps back

and watches them grow,

Roses, rhododendron, tulips,

and things never before

to be found

coming out of the ground,

just put in,

The subject of this painting

has "Green Fingers",

( music playing )

LYDIA: ( singing )

( bird chirping )

That the woman?

That old chick?

Widow Bowen, 77 years old,

is in a $90-a-month endowment

in Social Security,

Go on,

That's it, Mr, Saunders,

I made her the standard offer,

I jumped it twice,

What'd she say?

She said her peonies

were better this year

- than ever,

- John,

And she plan to put in

tomatoes in April,

What's she want?

Sir?

What is her price?

A crummy stone cottage

and a half acre of string beans,

what is her price?

She doesn't have one,

She won't sell,

She'll sell,

We're just up against

a New England biddy

with a little

horse-trader in her,

You obviously

walked through that door

with your whole hand showing

and your tongue out,

so she can afford to be tough,

Mr, Saunders, I went in there

with your offer,

And in each hip pocket,

I had your second offer

and your final offer,

respectively,

She gave me

a cup of tea, a wafer,

and we talked gardening

for an hour and a half,

She's not about to sell it

to you or anyone else,

We'll see,

- Uh, Mrs, Bowen?

- Oh,

Oh,

Yes, I'm Mrs, Bowen,

Isn't it a lovely day?

You got a nice place here,

Isn't it, though?

And look at those roses,

Aren't they a sight to behold?

You know who I am?

Well, you're not

from around here,

The name is Saunders,

Michael J, Saunders,

Oh, well, can I offer you

a cup of tea?

I'm putting up a factory here,

Mrs, Bowen

and I'm going to employ

several thousand men,

That's nice,

I bought up 11,000 acres

of land here,

over there, over there,

over there

oh-- well, everywhere,

everything, except right here,

Right here?

Right where we're standing,

Mrs, Bowen,

A sort of rinky-dink pimple

on the arm of progress,

Oh, my, Oh, yes,

yes, there was a young man

- here who,,,

- That young man,

he represented me,

Now, Mrs, Bowen, he offered you

a considerable amount of money

for your place out of respect,

Mrs, Bowen, out of courtesy,

Yes,

I recall a great deal of money,

But, of course,

it's quite out of the question,

- mister, mister,,,

- Saunders,

Michael J, Saunders,

MRS, BOWEN:

Mr, Saunders, you see,

I've lived here all my life,

I was married in this cottage,

Mr, Bowen died here

and that was, of course,

ten years ago,

- Look lady, I've come

- and he loved this garden,

- all the way from Philadelphia,

- These roses particularly,

- Now, let's stop the waltz,

- Mr, Bowen, he'd love these,

Uh, please let's get down

to cases,

How much will you take

for the place?

I won't take anything for it,

I don't want to sell it,

You see, well,

this is my whole life,

My garden

and my cottage,

Why, I have no intention

of selling it to anyone,

Not to anyone,

Why, I could show you things

that I've grown here

that would amaze you,

I don't amaze, lady,

But one morning,

you're gonna wake up

to the sound of bulldozers

leveling these hills

right off the face of the earth,

There's gonna be twenty miles

of railroad track

leading right up

to your front door

and a foundry nestling

up the backyard,

There's gonna be assembly plans

in either side,

I'm gonna have six smoke stacks

blotting out the sun,

Now, how would that grab you?

Hmm?

Lady, did you hear what I said?

Clearly,

There's gonna be 11,000 acres

of concrete, asphalt, and steel,

But not on this spot,

Here, there will be flowers,

and vegetables and all sorts

of lovely, growing things,

You see, I have green fingers,

You got what?

Green fingers,

Everything I plant grows,

Why, everything,

Now, come with me,

Just for a minute,

Come over here,

I want to show you something,

Now, look at that tree,

Nearly four foot high,

I planted it nearly a month ago

and do you know what it is?

It's a piece of kindling,

( laughs )

I know it sounds absurd,

but that's what it is,

Why, the folks in the village,

they thought I was a witch

or something,

because a week

after I planted it,

it had green sprouts,

And look at it now,

a healthy, growing thing,

It'll be a lovely

shade tree someday,

Some men have very readable

faces, Mr, Saunders,

Yours, for example,

- Uh-hmm,

- I can see those wheels

going round,

You can't butter me up

and you can't bulldoze me off

like those lovely hills,

Now you're thinking,

I'm not all there,

or maybe a court order,

or whatever those things

are called,

to prove a person

is not quite right,

Well, I have all my faculties,

Mr, Saunders,

Look, lady, I don't care,

You plant oil cans

and up come gas stations,

but I am committed

to an industrial complex here,

And this crummy,

little weed patch

is a bone in my throat,

Now, I have studied

5,000 sheets of blueprints

and every line converges

right here,

Now, why can't you take

my best offer

and buy yourself another place,

Build yourself another cottage

and plant yourself

another damn garden,

Well, what about it?

What about what?

Now, you listen to me,

Mrs, Bowen,

you ain't exactly a sphinx,

You can be read also,

You figure you got

a good thing going here,

You figure you're gonna

get me to boost up

the price until I pay you

the national debt,

You listen to me, lady,

I have already offered you

five times

what this museum piece is worth,

That is rock-bottom line,

right now,

Now, you take it

or you leave it,

When you were a little boy,

Mr, Saunders,

you must've been very spoiled,

You must've gotten everything

you asked for

or screamed for,

Look, lady, I was never

a little boy,

When I was eight-year old,

I worked as a grease monkey

in a garage for four bucks

a week,

I was a hundred pounds

of tight skin and bones,

Forget that,

And now, what I go after,

I get,

I'm truly sorry, Mr, Saunders,

But this cottage,

these flowers,

and these plants,

this you do not get,

Good day to you, Mr, Saunders,

Well?

You have obviously met

the enemy

and she is not yours,

You listen to me, Ernie,

I've taken tycoons

and stripped them down

to their skivvies,

I have taken

interlocking corporations

that spread out

all over Europe,

I bought up their stocks

and shoved them

in my hip pocket,

I have turned banking houses

into orphanages,

Think I'm gonna be stopped

by some antique broad

with a pitchfork?

Heh, Come on, John,

Yes, sir,

I do,

( music playing )

CROWLEY: You're looking for me?

MICHAEL: Your name Crowley?

That's right,

Your name is?

Never mind,

Somebody fill you in

on what's needed?

Old lady down in the cottage,

That the assignment?

Her name is Bowen,

So, what's to do?

Thought somebody

filled you in?

Well, now,

I know you want her off,

That much of the picture

has been drawn for me,

What I want you to do

is read me the limits,

There aren't any,

I can go the route?

Uh-hmm,

Within reason,

You're putting

a hobble on me, mister,

You know, somebody says

within reason to me,

it means I do it left-handed

and with the gloves,

And, um,,,

the other way?

The other way is you leave it

entirely up to me,

I want her out of there,

That's all I want,

You got it,

Breakfast time tomorrow,

( siren wailing )

SHERIFF: What's going on?

That's what we're trying

to figure out, Sheriff,

We don't know

whether to call

missing persons or homicide,

He's not here?

Somebody drove by

a half hour ago,

heard her scream, phoned in,

We were here

in ten minutes, easy,

The broken flower pots,

the axe over there,

that's all we got to go on,

Sheriff,

Blood on the blade,

Add that,

LARRY: Hey, Sheriff,

got a radio call,

They picked up a guy in town,

he ran a light,

His clothes were covered

with blood,

Did you they get a statement?

LARRY: No, sir, They chased him

and he ran into a brick wall,

He won't be giving

any statements,

not in this time,

( music playing )

My dear God,

- What is it, Mrs, Bowen?

- Oh,

Oh, my God,

We'll get you to the hospital,

Mrs, Bowen,

LARRY: Looks like she lost

part of her hand, A finger,

The man who did this is dead,

Mrs, Bowen,

He came right into my kitchen,

He didn't even knock

and he had my axe in his hand,

He must've got it-- uh,

from under the tree,

then he went after me,

He went right after me

then he grabbed my arm,

- Okay, Come on, Mrs, Bowen,

- And then he,,,

- You've lost a lot of blood,

- Oh, yes, I know,

And you know, he said,

he'd keep coming back

and each time

he'd--he'd cut off more,

First, a finger, then a hand,

- then an arm,

- He's not coming back

to do anything, Mrs, Bowen,

My finger,

You know, he cut off my finger,

Larry, call the hospital,

Tell them we're coming,

I have green fingers

you know, Sheriff,

Everything I plant grows,

- Everything,

- I've heard that, Mrs, Bowen,

Yes, of course,

I think it's the soil, you know,

It's a combination-- I see

- about like planting things,

- Let's get to the car,

Let's get right to the car,

Be careful here,

You see, it's really

an attitude,,,

- Yes, Mrs, Bowen,

- about how a person feels,

- Sheriff,

- Right in, Get right in,

- A person feels, you know

- back and the sit back,

What I mean is,

you see, Sheriff,

if a person loves the Earth,

he loves growing things,

( siren wailing )

( beep )

Shock, loss of blood,

age, happens this way

when they're that old,

She was talking to me

all the way over here,

Yes, they often do,

Like a cup emptying,

Remarkable old woman,

I can remember her

when I was a kid,

The Widow Bowen

and her garden,

Planted everything,

Right up to the end,

When we found her,

she was out there with a trowel,

digging and planting,

Planting what?

Ernie, what do you want?

I just came to offer

my congratulations,

You sound unhappy, Ernie,

- Hmm?

- That's it,

You unhappy?

An old woman is dead,

I didn't order that killing,

You know that,

I just wanted to scare her off,

That animal probably

just went too far,

But you gotta admit,

he paid for the trip,

So what are you doing now?

Gloating?

Mm-hmm, Yeah,

That's the word you wanna use?

I'm gloatin',

Nice thing there, Ernie,

Yes, sir, that old lady

was right,

She planted a nice garden,

( laughs )

Green fingers,

Can you imagine?

Green fingers,

My mama had

a green thumb, heh,

Yeah, my old lady,

she used to grow these things,

I remember, I was a little boy

in Atlanta,

grew them on the fire escape

and I remember the names

of most of them,

It was geraniums,

and zinnias and peonies,

And once, I think,

she tried daffodils,

I think it was daffodils,

They were like these over,,,

( music playing )

My God,

( engine revving )

Ernie,

Oh no,

Ernie,

Ernie don't go!

Ernie wait,

Ernie, come back,

Come back, Ernie,

Come back, Come back,

Ernie, come--come,,,

( gasping )

Mrs, Bowen?

Mrs, Bowen?

Mrs, Bowen?

Where are you?

Where,,,

All right, weird old lady,

All right,

Where are you?

Where are you?

( humming )

( door creaks )

Mrs, Bowen?

Mr, Saunders,

I have green fingers,

Did you know that?

Everything I plant,,, grows,

Even me,

( laughs )

Ah,

there you are,

You wanna hear something?

Mama?

Anybody?

You wanna hear

the funniest thing?

( laughs )

You know,

from little acorn,

mighty oaks grow,

That's a fact,

Hmm?

But you,

do you know what grows

from old ladies' fingers?

Huh?

Old ladies,

( laughs )

Old ladies

( laughing )

Funeral homage,

you might call it,

Example, this item here,

The somber silence of shrouds,

the gray, unhappy light

of the sunless dawn,

and a horse drawn casket,

very much in keeping

with the motif of this place,

The title of the painting,

"Funeral",

( music playing )

( knocks at door )

Come in,

Good evening,

Good evening,

I am Milton Silkline,

My name is Asper,

Mr, Asper, may I take your coat?

Please,

An attractive coat, Mr, Asper,

Thank you,

Attractive, indeed,

I always think

a touch of velvet,

- Why don't you be seated?

- Thank you,

May I say, Mr, Asper,

that I'm, uh, I'm very proud

to meet you,

That's very kind of you,

Now then,

how can Silkline's help

to ease your sorrow?

I should like to arrange

for a funeral service,

Of course,

You've come to the right place,

When your loved ones lie

upon that lonely couch

of eternal sleep,

let Silkline draw the coverlet,

Mrs, Silkline wrote that,

We like to pass that along

to people

that come to us for comfort,

Very nice,

Extremely poetic,

But now to the point,

I should like to engage

your largest parlor,

I see,

Well, that would be

the Eternal Rest Room,

It's purple,

that's a royal color, you know,

Ah, splendid,

I should also like to purchase

your most expensive casket,

Well, I think

that can be arranged,

With, uh, gold trimmings,

With gold trimmings,

I feel that Silkline

will be able to meet

your every need in this moment

of your grievous sorrow,

Of course, naturally,

the things

that you are requiring,

they will involve just a wee

bit more expenditures,

- you know that,,,

- Oh, please, please,

the cost is of

no importance to me,

I want only the very best,

Well, it shall be so, sir,

It shall be so,

Ah, capital,

Now, would you be interested

in having our Mr, Mossman

deliver his sermon

on crossing the River Styx

without a paddle?

I think not,

Oh, well, were you planning then

on having a denominational

ceremony?

A friend of mine will speak

at the service,

Oh, I see,

Now then, the name

of the deceased,

if I may ask?

Asper,

Oh, relative,

Me,

Oh, pardon me, sir,

I thought, for a moment,

that you said,,,

- Me,

- Me?

Well, let me explain,

You see, I never had

a proper going off,

It was catch as catch can,

you might say,

All improvised,

Nothing, uh,,,

how shall I say,

tasty,

I always regretted that,

I always intended

to make up for it,

Really, sir?

I mean, really,

What is it?

I am just as

perfectly willing

as the next man to engage

a little bout of odds,

but not during working hours,

May I remind you

where you are?

This is Silkline's,

This is the most

respected ossuary,

This is not a place

for trivial joking,

( music playing )

This is not a joke,

Is it not?

I came here

with a purpose in mind

and I expect to have

that purpose gratified,

do you understand?

Now, next Tuesday

at exactly 8:30 PM,

my friends and I

will arrive here

for the service,

You will have everything

prepared by then,

- But I,,,

- Full payment will be made

following the exequies,

do you understand?

Well,,,

Need I remind you, sir,

that this affair

is of great importance to me?

I expect nothing

to go wrong,

Oh, one more thing,

that mirror in the foyer,

remove it

and may I add any others,

my friends and I

may chance upon

during our stay

in your establishment?

Goodnight, sir,

( bat screeching )

( music playing )

( doorbell rings )

Good evening,

Oh, good evening,

You're right on time,

May I say you're looking

remarkably well?

Do you need--

would you follow me?

The eternal rest room,

Absolutely marvelous,

Ah, do come in,

Good, master,

It's good,

( laughs ) Oh,

Oh,

( growling )

( cackling )

Oh, my God,

Oh, tasty,

Very nice,

Excellent,

Good,

It's good coffin, master,

Aye, Be that a casket,

Oh, be that a casket,

Delfinia,

Splendid, splendid,

Just what I've always wanted,

There, there, lad,

Well, try it on

for size then,

Hmm, a perfect fit,

ALL: ( laughing )

Oh,

Master look good,

Look good in box,

Thank you, Igor,

( growling )

Bruce says we better start

because he has

a 9:15 appointment,

( growling )

Good, Start, start,

Here, Docs,

come and sit by me,

I like some pretty boys, I do,

Don't I, Delfinia?

Jenny, please be serious,

You know how important

this is to me,

- Aye, aye,

- Oh,

Come along, good fellow,

Oh,

Hello, pretty boy,

Oh, tasty,

Dear friends,

we are gathered here together

within these walls

to pay homage to our comrade,

Ludwig Asper,

for whom the dread fates

have elected

to remove from existence

and ensconced within

the eternity's domain,

( screams )

Count has seen,

Tasty,

Thus, as Azrael,

that stygian reaper,

extra patriots of lowly

and of the high, naturellement,

seem fit to institute

a dark quietus,

Clearer, clearer,

Jenny, please,

Seen fit to institute

a dark quietus

on the quiddity

of he whose delabrement,

indeed, we may say

bouleversement,

cannot but give us

pause,

What did he say?

This ain't

no declamation tourney, lad,

Keep it crisp, I say,

Ah, toad's teeth,

( speaking foreign language )

Dear brother, the memory

of your eremitical quintessence

can only obsecrate petitioners,

( screaming )

( glass breaks )

( Bruce howling )

Bruce said

he had to go now

for his dinner appointment,

Count, please,

Am I to endure these

vulgar cacophonies?

Well, la-di-da?

Silence, woman,

Jenny, I'm afraid

you're gonna have to leave,

No, ye thinks to throw

Old Jenny of Boston out, do ye?

Well, ye get another thing

coming to ye then,

( fire rages )

( cackling )

Jenny,

( glass shatters )

What are you doing?

Please, the carpeting,

( screams )

( cackling )

Oh, tasty,

( cackling )

( music playing )

LUDWIG: Sir, in addition

to the contents of this box,

I wish to tender my regrets

that full decorum

was not affected

by all the guests

at my funeral,

Except for that,

the preparations

as arranged by you

were more than satisfactory,

Oh, oh,

A friend recommended you to me,

Cost is of no importance,

Cost is of no importance?

Well, you've come

to the right place,

( coughs )

We have plans

for all circumstances,

What is the name

of the deceased, if I may ask?

( speaking indistinctly )

( coughing )

We don't ask you

to believe

this particular painting,

Death's head hovering

over jukebox,

but it does point out

the all-inclusive quality

of the occult,

Phantom specters can be found

not only in haunted houses,

but in places you'd

least expect to find them,

Places like this,

Our painting is called,

"The Tune in Dan's Cafe",

( music playing )

( harmonica playing )

Well, congratulations,

What?

You just established

a new world's record

for driving in silence,

325 miles,

Kelly?

Can't you wait up?

Well, at least

we don't have to worry

about reservations,

Kelly,

we got a few more days,

Maybe we could try and,,,

it's not like we have

a bad life, is it?

I mean, we--

God, most of the things

that people dream of having

and probably worked hard

for it,

It's not like

it was given to us,

That should build

some kind of a bond

between two people,

shouldn't it?

What are you trying to do,

memorize it?

Anybody work around here?

Hey, honey, Kelly?

( laughs )

You'll never guess

what they've got on here,

RED: Roy, you're gonna wear

that record out,

Do you remember that song

I kept playing

the first night we met?

( laughs )

Starlite Ballroom,

( laughs )

Who was gonna tear

the world apart, huh?

You,

Fifteen years ago,

Hello, there,

My name is Joe Bellman

and you are beautiful,

Remember that?

♪ If you leave me tonight ♪

♪ I will cry ♪

♪ Though you say we will soon ♪

♪ Meet again ♪

That's not what I played,

♪ For the hours I've spent ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

♪ Are like words ♪

♪ From a poet's pen ♪

♪ Words like love ♪

I didn't even see

that one on here,

♪ Truth, and goodness ♪

♪ Words like till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

They must've made a mistake

putting the records in,

Why should the jukebox work?

Nothing else has,

Well, just try

something else,

Anybody here?

( banging )

♪ If you leave me tonight ♪

♪ I will cry ♪

♪ Though you say ♪

♪ We will soon ♪

♪ Meet again ♪

♪ For the hours I've spent ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

♪ Are like words ♪

♪ From a poet's pen ♪

♪ Words like love ♪

♪ And truth ♪

♪ And goodness ♪

♪ Words like till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

DAN: Hope you haven't

been waiting long,

I was out back watering,

I got a little garden

out there,

What'll it be?

Kelly?

Just a hamburger,

Make that two,

( glass clinks )

DAN: You folks on vacation?

Heading home,

Where is it?

What?

Home,

Same place it's been

for the past seven years,

You picked it out, remember?

Fifteen rooms,

swimming pool,

tennis courts, gardens,

What more do you want, Kelly?

I don't know,

Maybe just some of those

15 years back,

And you think a divorce

is gonna give them to you?

Kelly, they tore down

the Starlite Ballroom

10 years ago,

♪ If you leave me tonight ♪

♪ I will cry ♪

♪ Though you say we will soon ♪

♪ Meet again ♪

♪ For the hours I've spent ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

♪ Are like words ♪

♪ From a poet's pen ♪

♪ Words like love ♪

♪ And truth ♪

♪ And goodness ♪

JOE: What's with the jukebox?

What about it?

♪ Till death,,, ♪

Well, it started up

by itself

and then keeps playing

the same thing,

JOE: Mister,

over the past five years,

I've had it fixed

more times

than I can remember,

I changed the selections,

I've even replaced

the jukebox,

but that's the only song

it ever plays,

The only song,

But how?

Don't ask me,

You wouldn't believe it anyhow,

Nobody does,

They just stopped coming

here to eat,

I'd eat someplace else myself

if I didn't own the joint,

How do you want

these hamburgers?

What wouldn't I believe

anyhow?

It's a theory, that's all,

I can't prove it,

Nothing else makes sense,

You see, it was their song,

Roy Gleason

and his girlfriend, Red,

♪ If you leave me tonight ♪

♪ I will cry ♪

RED: Roy, you're gonna wear

that record out,

ROY: Well, Dan'll just have

to put in a new one,

Hey, how's my baby?

Purring like a kitten,

♪ Are like words ♪

♪ From a poet's pen ♪

They're looking,

So let them look,

What's wrong with kissing

a woman in public?

I'm not saying

there's anything wrong, Roy,

It's,,,

what if something

were to happen to you?

I don't think

I could go on living,

Nothing is gonna

go wrong, baby,

I know that store

like the back of my hand,

There's only one clerk

there at night

and there must be

at least five grand

in that safe,

Honey, look,

I'm getting tired

taking the risk

for somebody else

and getting paid

in pocket money,

I want you to have

the best of everything,

RED: It's beautiful, Roy,

ROY: Just a trinket,

Baby, you'll see

in a little while,

What do you mean

in a little while, Roy?

ROY: Baby,

this important deal came up,

More important than me?

ROY: Red, get off my back,

I'll be there in an hour,

Well, it better not be

any longer,

( music playing )

( record scratches )

Roy?

I just went

for a ride with him,

that's all,

I got tired of waiting

for you, baby,

I didn't do anything wrong,

ROY: Dan, where is she?

DAN: She'll be here,

♪ If you leave me tonight ♪

ROY:

Sure she didn't call?

♪ I will cry ♪

♪ Though you say we will soon ♪

♪ Meet again ♪

♪ For the hours I've spent ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

♪ Are like words ♪

♪ From a poet's pen ♪

♪ Words like love ♪

♪ And truth ♪

♪ And goodness ♪

Dan,

I know why she's not here,

POLICEMAN: Roy Gleason,

we know you're in there,

You have 10 seconds

to come out

with your hands

in the air,

( glass shatters )

( gunshots )

♪ Take my heart ♪

♪ Take my heart ♪

♪ Take my heart ♪

♪ For the hours I've spent ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

♪ Are like words,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till,,, ♪

DAN: Red picked up

the thousand dollar reward

and just disappeared

from sight,

but it's almost like

every jukebox I install

is waiting patiently

for her return,

but then what?

( music playing )

( record scratches )

♪ If you leave me tonight ♪

♪ I will cry ♪

♪ Though you say we will soon ♪

♪ Meet again ♪

♪ For the hours I've spent ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

( harmonica playing )

( music playing )

Joe,

Let's go home, Kelly,

♪ For the hours I've spent ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

♪ Are like words ♪

♪ From a poet's pen ♪

♪ Words like love ♪

♪ And truth ♪

♪ And goodness ♪

♪ Words like till death,,, ♪

( woman screaming )

♪ Till death,,, ♪

♪ Till death,,, ♪

( music playing )