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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:31,180 ANNOUNCER: Tonight's stars,,, 2 00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:32,220 Vincent Price, 3 00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:34,220 Agnes Moorehead, 4 00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:36,120 E,G, Marshall, 5 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,020 Imogene Coca, 6 00:00:38,020 --> 00:00:40,000 Desi Arnaz, Jr, 7 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,080 Ruth Buzzi, and Brandon de Wilde, 8 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,150 How nice of you all to come 9 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,070 to our little exhibition, 10 00:00:52,070 --> 00:00:54,210 To the connoisseurs amongst you, 11 00:00:54,210 --> 00:00:58,020 those tasteful few who take their art seriously, 12 00:00:58,020 --> 00:01:00,100 we acknowledge with no apologies 13 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,090 that you won't find the works of the masters here, 14 00:01:02,090 --> 00:01:05,170 because in this particular salon, 15 00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:07,180 we choose our painting 16 00:01:07,180 --> 00:01:10,140 with an eye more towards terror than technique, 17 00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:13,010 A little American Gothic here, 18 00:01:13,010 --> 00:01:15,180 with the accustomed accoutrements to mourning, 19 00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:17,190 Tombstones and tears, 20 00:01:17,190 --> 00:01:20,140 and the somber look of the bereaved, 21 00:01:20,140 --> 00:01:22,160 We generally cry at funerals 22 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,070 out of a sense of loss, 23 00:01:24,070 --> 00:01:26,040 A poor, unfortunate loved one 24 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,020 who no longer walk the earth, 25 00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:30,040 He or she will simply occupy six feet of it, 26 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,220 never to be seen or heard from again, 27 00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:34,110 or at least, we make an assumption 28 00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:36,070 that that's natural law, and we subscribe to it, 29 00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:38,060 But this painting here, 30 00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:40,130 and we admit this up front, 31 00:01:40,130 --> 00:01:42,030 breaks that law, 32 00:01:42,030 --> 00:01:44,030 It's called A Death In the Family, 33 00:01:44,030 --> 00:01:46,110 It offers up a new view of death, 34 00:01:46,110 --> 00:01:49,040 and it introduces you to quite a family 35 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,110 who live here in the Night Gallery, 36 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,180 ( somber organ music playing ) 37 00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:37,050 ( knocking on door ) 38 00:02:44,170 --> 00:02:46,070 ( knocking ) 39 00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:54,130 ( knocking ) 40 00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,000 ( knocking ) 41 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,210 ( knocking ) 42 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:12,210 Mr, Soames? 43 00:03:12,210 --> 00:03:14,090 That's right, 44 00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,190 - From the home? - That's right, 45 00:03:19,190 --> 00:03:23,020 - They said they called you, - A day or so ago, 46 00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:25,030 We're behind in our deliveries, 47 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,010 Uh, I'm supposed to remind you, 48 00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:29,000 it's 100 bucks maximum payment 49 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,150 ten days after the burial, 50 00:03:30,150 --> 00:03:32,020 and you're supposed to acknowledge 51 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,040 construction of the coffin, 52 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,180 Up here in the right-hand corner, 53 00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:38,120 it tells you what grave it goes in, Here it is, 54 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:41,050 Grave 636, It's in the charity section, 55 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,210 You can't miss it, Sign here, 56 00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:46,080 What about the name? 57 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:49,120 Name? What's his name, Joe? 58 00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,080 It should be on here, Here it is, 59 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,200 Simon Cottner, 60 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,050 ( quietly ) Simon Cottner, 61 00:04:04,130 --> 00:04:06,050 Could I trouble you to bring him in there? 62 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,180 Excuse me, 63 00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:38,040 What about flowers? 64 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,130 - Flowers? - Flowers, 65 00:04:43,130 --> 00:04:45,020 And some kind of music, 66 00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:47,070 Has a minister been chosen? 67 00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:49,030 And there's a question of mourners, 68 00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:53,090 We got a little breakdown in communication goin' here, 69 00:04:53,090 --> 00:04:55,190 Our instructions is to bring it here, 70 00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:59,060 It's a charity burial, paid for by the county, 71 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:01,140 They supply a suit, a blanket, 72 00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:04,140 a hundred bucks for the formaldehyde and the ground, 73 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,130 A hundred bucks, 74 00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,020 We'll come back later for the stretcher, 75 00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:09,200 And mourners? 76 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,170 Come again, 77 00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:13,160 Mourners, 78 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,190 People to mourn his passing, 79 00:05:18,010 --> 00:05:20,060 You know how long that guy was in that home? 80 00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:22,100 Thirty-odd years, 81 00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:24,160 You know how many friends he's got? 82 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,110 Zero, 83 00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:30,160 You know how many letters he's received in all that time? 84 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,210 Zero, 85 00:05:32,210 --> 00:05:34,170 You know what they call that oil burner we delivered him in? 86 00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:35,290 A meat wagon, 87 00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:43,070 Let me lay it out for you, Mr, Soames, 88 00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:45,180 You wanna throw in a floral wreath, 89 00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:47,220 a couple dozen weepers, 90 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:49,200 a fife and drum corps, that's your business, 91 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,130 But don't do it on our account, 92 00:05:52,130 --> 00:05:56,070 When a man dies,,, 93 00:05:56,070 --> 00:06:00,080 when a man dies, it oughta be everybody's business, 94 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,120 Mr, Soames, when this man dies, 95 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,120 it's your business, 100 bucks worth, 96 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,190 Payable upon receipt from the graves registration guy 97 00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:10,210 that the hole got dug, the box got placed, 98 00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:12,160 and the hole got covered, 99 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:16,020 Now is there anything else on your mind before we go? 100 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:19,010 A marker, A stone, 101 00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:21,130 A stone? 102 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:23,040 He wants a stone, 103 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,150 You can't bury him in an unmarked grave, 104 00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:29,150 The country supplies a wooden marker 105 00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:32,090 with the stiff's name on it, Real nice printin', 106 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:34,040 Last name, first, date of birth, date of death, 107 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,130 What else would you like? 108 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:39,010 A poem? Come on, Joe, 109 00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:53,170 "Cottner, Simon, 110 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,120 Age 81, 111 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:02,160 No known relatives, 112 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:07,030 Cause of death: pneumonia," 113 00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:20,100 Simon, old man, 114 00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:25,100 You lived 81 years, 115 00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:29,210 Eighty-one years, 116 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,190 That's a bare epitaph for 81 years, 117 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,210 You deserve more than a $100 funeral, 118 00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:46,020 But don't you worry, 119 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:48,030 You shall have more, 120 00:07:49,190 --> 00:07:51,120 You shall have much more, 121 00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:56,050 You shall have eternity, Simon, 122 00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:22,040 ( groans ) 123 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,210 Sure is light, ain't he? 124 00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:42,050 He was a little old man, 125 00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:46,100 Wasted away, 126 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,080 ( thunder crashing ) 127 00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:04,070 Have you seen anybody, a car or anything? 128 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:06,140 Not between here and the cemetery, 129 00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:08,170 Who are you looking for? 130 00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:10,090 Escaped convict, 131 00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:11,170 He's armed and considered dangerous, 132 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:14,080 So if you happen to see somebody in a green coupe, 133 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,050 who's probably bleeding, get to a phone, 134 00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:17,230 - Bleeding? - That's right, 135 00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:21,030 The gas station attendant in town is almost certain 136 00:09:21,030 --> 00:09:22,200 he winged him about an hour ago, 137 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,120 So if you happen to spot him, don't get close to him, 138 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,210 He'll blow your head off, 139 00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:27,200 I'll keep that in mind, officer, 140 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,080 All right, let him through, 141 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,100 ( thunder crashing ) 142 00:09:45,130 --> 00:09:48,010 SOAMES: ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 143 00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:50,100 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 144 00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:53,100 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 145 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:56,110 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 146 00:09:56,110 --> 00:09:58,210 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 147 00:09:58,210 --> 00:10:01,170 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 148 00:10:01,170 --> 00:10:04,210 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 149 00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:09,050 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 150 00:10:15,060 --> 00:10:17,070 Be back soon, 151 00:10:35,210 --> 00:10:37,190 ( wind howling ) 152 00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:39,090 ( glass shattering ) 153 00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:41,070 Just freeze, mister, Keep your mouth shut, 154 00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:48,040 Quite a singer, 155 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,110 I was listening to you, 156 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,170 "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" yet, 157 00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:57,190 Who is? 158 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,000 Who's a jolly good fellow? 159 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,280 You got somebody in there? 160 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,030 You got a jolly good fellow in there? 161 00:11:31,030 --> 00:11:33,090 No one who could harm you, 162 00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:53,140 - A stiff, - In a manner of speaking, 163 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:56,030 ( panting ) 164 00:11:56,030 --> 00:11:58,030 That's a stiff sitting in a chair 165 00:11:58,030 --> 00:11:59,090 all dressed up for a party, 166 00:11:59,090 --> 00:12:02,200 That's Simon Cottner, 167 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,100 He was to have been buried this afternoon, 168 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,220 A pine box was buried, but I have other plans for Simon, 169 00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:11,170 Lest you be unduly disturbed, young man, 170 00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:13,000 this is a funeral home, 171 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,140 ( sighs ) 172 00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:18,150 Funeral home, 173 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:22,060 Well, the way I feel right now, mister, 174 00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:25,160 I'm pretty close to the right place, 175 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,010 ( pants, yells ) 176 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:44,050 A deal, pal, 177 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,080 You give me some dry clothes, 178 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,290 and a car,,, 179 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:58,000 and maybe a half an hour or so without using the phone, 180 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,220 and I'll give you a fast exit, 181 00:12:59,220 --> 00:13:02,080 and you can forget all about me, 182 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,050 You couldn't survive an hour, 183 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,220 not the way you're bleeding, 184 00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,070 About the wheels, 185 00:13:08,070 --> 00:13:11,200 All I have is an old hearse, 186 00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:17,150 A hearse, 187 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,220 That's what I need, 188 00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:22,150 A nice, inconspicuous item like a hearse, 189 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,060 Listen, 190 00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:31,210 I know you don't owe me anything, 191 00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:34,010 and you can pick up the phone any time you want to 192 00:13:34,010 --> 00:13:36,180 and blow the whistle on me, 193 00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:38,220 but do me a favor, okay? 194 00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:40,130 Just let me lie down, 195 00:13:40,130 --> 00:13:42,230 Just give me a half hour or so, 196 00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,140 so I can close my eyes, 197 00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,070 You may stay as long as you want, 198 00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:48,200 You can lie on the sofa, 199 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,210 I gotta ask you a question, 200 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,130 Of course, 201 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,200 Why? 202 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,220 Why the break? 203 00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:47,280 You're very young, 204 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,140 Twenty-two, That's not so young, 205 00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:55,170 Very young, 206 00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:58,200 To be bleeding to death in a funeral home, 207 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,090 Beats dying in the rain, 208 00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:04,170 And the cold, 209 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,060 Do you have a family? 210 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,110 No, 211 00:15:16,030 --> 00:15:17,210 Nobody I know, 212 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,130 Nobody close, 213 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,010 We share something, 214 00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:29,140 I didn't have a family either, 215 00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,170 I spent the first 16 years of my life 216 00:15:33,170 --> 00:15:35,040 in an orphanage, 217 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:43,020 I'll never forget those 16 years, 218 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,160 Why is that,,, that stiff 219 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,130 all dressed up, sitting in a chair? 220 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,130 Beats lying in a box underground, I think, 221 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,080 You rest, 222 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,170 I'll fix some tea, 223 00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,100 Hey, 224 00:16:08,190 --> 00:16:12,050 I'm doing 99 years for murder one, 225 00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:14,060 You understand? 226 00:16:16,130 --> 00:16:19,060 That means homicide, first degree, 227 00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,140 That means no parole, 228 00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:24,120 That means I'm a rotten apple, 229 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,000 Until tonight, the only hand I ever got 230 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,060 was the back of it, 231 00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:30,230 That and a kick in the pants, 232 00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:32,180 a taste of the sidewalk, 233 00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:37,140 It's a funny thing, 234 00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:40,100 I gotta wait until the lights are half out 235 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,230 and I got one foot in hell, 236 00:16:41,230 --> 00:16:45,010 and I crawl on my hands and my knees to a dead house,,, 237 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,230 to find somebody, 238 00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:51,130 Somebody living, 239 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,180 Somebody warm, 240 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,010 Rest, 241 00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:03,170 No one will disturb you, 242 00:17:15,190 --> 00:17:18,010 ( thunder crashing ) 243 00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:57,160 ♪ ,,,which nobody can deny ♪ 244 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,170 Hey, mister, 245 00:17:59,170 --> 00:18:01,210 ( singing continues ) 246 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:04,020 Mister, where are you? 247 00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:05,170 ( singing continues ) 248 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:12,080 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 249 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,140 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 250 00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:18,000 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 251 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,060 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 252 00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:23,100 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 253 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,000 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 254 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,040 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 255 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:33,280 ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ 256 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,040 Come in, 257 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,000 This is my family, 258 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,050 My wife, 259 00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:06,140 Two children, 260 00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,150 My mother, 261 00:19:08,150 --> 00:19:10,210 Brother, 262 00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:15,040 And this is my father, 263 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,060 Just arrived tonight, 264 00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:20,170 We were having a welcome home party for him, 265 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:24,140 Don't be frightened, 266 00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,040 No one will hurt you, 267 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:33,010 Down here is only love, and peace, 268 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,010 They're dead, 269 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,040 Dead? 270 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,190 Why? 271 00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:46,040 Because they don't struggle like the living? 272 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,020 Because they don't compete? 273 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,020 Because they don't hate? 274 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:54,210 Because they know nothing of greed, 275 00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:57,170 intolerance, prejudice? 276 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,020 Out there is the graveyard, 277 00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:04,070 Out there, the slaughterhouse 278 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:07,090 where they kill and bury dreams, 279 00:20:07,090 --> 00:20:11,070 A whole world full of lonely pallbearers, 280 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,220 But down here, 281 00:20:15,220 --> 00:20:21,120 in this room, my son, 282 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,030 is a family, 283 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,120 - Down,,, - ( knocking on door ) 284 00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:37,040 ( knocking ) 285 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,060 Stay here and be quiet, son, 286 00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:43,200 I'll try to get rid of them, 287 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,200 Help me up the stairs, 288 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,000 It's probably the police, 289 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,000 I don't care, 290 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,130 Now help me up the stairs, 291 00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:53,190 Please, that's not possible, 292 00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:55,230 They've probably come for you, 293 00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:58,070 Now go back into the living room with the family, 294 00:20:58,070 --> 00:21:00,090 This isn't my family; they're stiffs, 295 00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:01,210 Now get out of the way, mister, 296 00:21:01,210 --> 00:21:03,200 I mean it, Get out of the way, 297 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,200 Don't you understand? 298 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,200 I'm trying to help you, 299 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,050 Please, You belong here, 300 00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:11,210 Get out of the way, mister, 301 00:21:11,210 --> 00:21:13,030 I mean it, Get out of the way! 302 00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:18,060 ( gunshots ) 303 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,100 We were just having 304 00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:13,170 a little homecoming celebration 305 00:22:13,170 --> 00:22:17,000 for my father, 306 00:22:20,070 --> 00:22:22,200 My son, 307 00:22:26,020 --> 00:22:28,130 And for myself, 308 00:22:28,130 --> 00:22:30,150 The father, 309 00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:37,030 The father of the family, 310 00:23:18,170 --> 00:23:20,200 WOMAN: Really, dear, 311 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,140 you understand why I'm doing this, don't you? 312 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,090 It's for your own good, you know, 313 00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:34,180 I want to spare you the unpleasantness, 314 00:23:36,180 --> 00:23:39,130 I wouldn't do it if it weren't for your own good, 315 00:23:43,030 --> 00:23:45,050 Are you comfortable? 316 00:23:47,090 --> 00:23:49,060 Just be patient, It won't take much longer, 317 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,070 Dear, 318 00:23:54,070 --> 00:23:58,190 Now, dear, you relax and try not to worry, 319 00:23:58,190 --> 00:24:00,230 Just a few more rows, 320 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:03,170 and in a little while, it will be all over, 321 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,040 It's really much better this way, 322 00:24:09,130 --> 00:24:13,150 Once they tell you, once you know for sure, 323 00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:17,050 it makes no sense sitting around 324 00:24:17,050 --> 00:24:20,070 and waiting to be eaten up by pain, 325 00:24:22,180 --> 00:24:25,160 Now, dear, 326 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,210 we agreed last night, this was best, 327 00:24:33,190 --> 00:24:36,030 It's so easy this way, 328 00:24:36,030 --> 00:24:38,080 Once the wall gets sealed, 329 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,180 there's nothing to do but lean back, 330 00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:44,150 And in a little while,,, 331 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:51,030 a very little while, the air will be gone, 332 00:24:51,030 --> 00:24:53,180 and there'll be nothing left but sleep, 333 00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:58,060 No fear, no pain, 334 00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:01,090 Just soft, sweet sleep, 335 00:25:01,090 --> 00:25:04,070 It's not as though we were leaving each other, 336 00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:07,180 We'll always be together really, 337 00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:12,020 The same as in the days when you went upstairs 338 00:25:12,020 --> 00:25:14,030 to take a nap, 339 00:25:14,030 --> 00:25:17,040 I couldn't see you, couldn't talk to you, 340 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,190 Still, I knew you were there, 341 00:25:20,190 --> 00:25:22,180 Good-bye, dear, 342 00:25:22,180 --> 00:25:24,160 Try not to think about it, 343 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,160 Just set your mind on remembering 344 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,200 the good years, the good things, 345 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,070 and in no time at all,,, 346 00:25:46,210 --> 00:25:49,070 ( doorbell rings ) 347 00:25:52,140 --> 00:25:53,280 Dear? 348 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,030 Dear? 349 00:26:02,030 --> 00:26:03,290 Someone's at the front door, 350 00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:18,130 I'll be back just as soon as I see who it is, 351 00:26:33,110 --> 00:26:35,140 A most unusual graduation exercise now, 352 00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:38,050 Its title: The Class of '99, 353 00:26:38,050 --> 00:26:42,180 A set of numbers and a pair of eyes, 354 00:26:42,180 --> 00:26:44,220 We'll move behind them now to give you an idea 355 00:26:44,220 --> 00:26:47,200 why we call the place you're in the Night Gallery, 356 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,130 Good morning, young ladies and gentlemen, 357 00:28:08,130 --> 00:28:12,210 This is rather an anointed day at our university, 358 00:28:12,210 --> 00:28:16,080 The occasion of the oral section 359 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,150 of your final examination, 360 00:28:19,150 --> 00:28:24,080 Let me review briefly our procedure, 361 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,160 I will direct random questions 362 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,120 at various of you, and will grade you immediately, 363 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,110 Keep in mind, however, 364 00:28:32,110 --> 00:28:35,160 that the question may be repeated at any time 365 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,120 to someone else, 366 00:28:39,150 --> 00:28:41,190 Now, needless to say, 367 00:28:41,190 --> 00:28:44,160 I wish you all very good luck, 368 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,040 It is the hope of the university, 369 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,000 its faculty and administration, 370 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,130 that the class of '99, 371 00:28:51,130 --> 00:28:54,190 already scholastically so distinguished, 372 00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:59,120 will continue its extremely high level of performance 373 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:03,200 in this, your final examination, 374 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:07,040 And with that, ladies and gentlemen, 375 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,020 let us begin, 376 00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:19,050 "General heading: science, 377 00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:21,220 Sub-heading: propulsion, 378 00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:23,190 In the middle of the 13th century, 379 00:29:23,190 --> 00:29:26,220 his scientific work appeared in the Greek language 380 00:29:26,220 --> 00:29:28,120 written by Marcus Graecus," 381 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,020 Annotate that work for me, please, Mr, Templeton, 382 00:29:31,020 --> 00:29:33,140 The publication in question was an extract 383 00:29:33,140 --> 00:29:36,050 from works of Albertus Magnus and Roger Bacon, 384 00:29:36,050 --> 00:29:38,190 What was Roger Bacon called, Mr, McWhirter? 385 00:29:38,190 --> 00:29:41,040 The English powder monk, 386 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,030 Miss Wheeton, in what language 387 00:29:43,030 --> 00:29:46,040 is that work now available, and how is it identified? 388 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,140 It is available in a Latin translation, 389 00:29:48,140 --> 00:29:52,010 its subtitle, Liber Ignium ad Comburendos Hostes, 390 00:29:52,010 --> 00:29:54,170 Name four men in the past three centuries 391 00:29:54,170 --> 00:29:57,160 whose work has been related to propulsion, Mr, Johnson, 392 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,020 Sir William Congreve, William Hale, 393 00:30:00,020 --> 00:30:01,060 Dr, Robert Goddard,,, 394 00:30:12,180 --> 00:30:15,050 The fourth name, Mr, Johnson, 395 00:30:15,050 --> 00:30:19,040 C,,, C,,, 396 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,110 A shining body of water, 397 00:30:21,110 --> 00:30:23,030 or the Spanish affirmative, 398 00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:24,160 Can you proceed, Mr, Johnson? 399 00:30:28,150 --> 00:30:30,170 It's a name with two initials, 400 00:30:32,060 --> 00:30:34,070 That will be all, Mr, Johnson, 401 00:30:36,110 --> 00:30:39,050 I said that will be all, Mr, Johnson, 402 00:30:41,030 --> 00:30:43,050 Part of my answer was correct, 403 00:30:43,050 --> 00:30:44,220 I'm sorry, What is your point? 404 00:30:44,220 --> 00:30:46,210 I said part of my answer was correct, 405 00:30:46,210 --> 00:30:48,130 - I gave you three names, - And I asked for four, 406 00:30:48,130 --> 00:30:50,010 I gave you three out of four, 407 00:30:55,100 --> 00:30:57,160 Yes, indeed you did, Mr, Johnson, 408 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,110 And in giving me three out of four, 409 00:31:00,110 --> 00:31:02,200 you proved yourself incompetent, 410 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,170 You are proving now, by your behavior, 411 00:31:05,170 --> 00:31:08,160 that you are even less responsive to authority 412 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,080 than you are to the scholastic criteria 413 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,110 established for graduation, 414 00:31:13,110 --> 00:31:15,080 Now will you sit down, Mr, Johnson, 415 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,080 - or shall I,,, - No, no, Please, sir, 416 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,160 I'll do as I'm told, sir, 417 00:31:28,010 --> 00:31:30,000 I apologize for the delay, 418 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,220 Mr, Pullman, fourth name, 419 00:31:34,220 --> 00:31:36,230 C,N, Hickman, 420 00:31:36,230 --> 00:31:40,170 Mr, Bruce, the portion of the Newtonian theory 421 00:31:40,170 --> 00:31:43,020 most relevant to propulsion, 422 00:31:43,020 --> 00:31:45,070 To every action on any object, 423 00:31:45,070 --> 00:31:46,210 there's an equal and opposite reaction 424 00:31:46,210 --> 00:31:48,170 on some other object, 425 00:31:48,170 --> 00:31:51,050 Mr, Bruce, 426 00:31:51,050 --> 00:31:53,100 given M is the mass of the rocket, 427 00:31:53,100 --> 00:31:56,050 and V is the velocity, continue the equation, 428 00:31:56,050 --> 00:31:58,120 The equation as follows: extrapolate, 429 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,150 M would also be the mass of the propellant, 430 00:32:01,150 --> 00:32:04,160 and with V as the velocity, the equation would read 431 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,060 V = V log E, 432 00:32:07,060 --> 00:32:08,150 Very good, 433 00:32:19,070 --> 00:32:23,190 We move now into the behavioral sciences, 434 00:32:23,190 --> 00:32:26,010 As you know, ladies and gentlemen, 435 00:32:26,010 --> 00:32:28,180 this is perhaps the most important facet 436 00:32:28,180 --> 00:32:31,060 of the university curriculum, 437 00:32:31,060 --> 00:32:34,180 Your capacity to function in society and contribute 438 00:32:34,180 --> 00:32:37,040 are of the essence, 439 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,010 Now, Mr, Clinton, 440 00:32:39,010 --> 00:32:42,060 in the area of social interrelationship, 441 00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:43,200 a hypothetical case, 442 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:47,130 Look at Mr, Barnes to your right, 443 00:32:47,130 --> 00:32:49,220 The hypothesis follows, 444 00:32:49,220 --> 00:32:52,120 Mr, Barnes is in competition with you 445 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:56,220 for an extremely important professional position, 446 00:32:56,220 --> 00:33:01,070 Now, first I want you to describe Mr, Barnes for me, 447 00:33:01,070 --> 00:33:04,090 About 5'10", 448 00:33:04,090 --> 00:33:07,090 Approximately 155 pounds, 449 00:33:07,090 --> 00:33:09,150 - His age? - Twenty-one, 450 00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:11,230 Look at him again, 451 00:33:11,230 --> 00:33:13,170 Is there any other salient feature 452 00:33:13,170 --> 00:33:15,010 which you might consider relevant? 453 00:33:15,010 --> 00:33:17,010 He's black, 454 00:33:17,010 --> 00:33:20,020 And being black may pose a special problem, 455 00:33:20,020 --> 00:33:23,070 What sort of a special problem? 456 00:33:23,070 --> 00:33:26,120 He might be pushy, aggressive, 457 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,120 Anything else? 458 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,000 He might be inferior, 459 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:35,150 Being black, he might possibly be inferior, 460 00:33:35,150 --> 00:33:38,060 So we have Mr, Barnes here as an irritant, 461 00:33:38,060 --> 00:33:40,200 a possible block to your ambition, 462 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:45,210 An inferior man who is trying to usurp your superiority, 463 00:33:45,210 --> 00:33:49,070 What would you do to a man like that, Mr, Clinton? 464 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:52,060 On the primary emotional level-- 465 00:33:52,060 --> 00:33:53,180 That's all I want from you now, 466 00:33:53,180 --> 00:33:56,070 I'd slap him, 467 00:33:56,070 --> 00:33:59,050 Quite correct, Do so, if you will, 468 00:33:59,050 --> 00:34:01,050 Yes, sir, 469 00:34:06,150 --> 00:34:08,180 Rise, if you will, Mr, Barnes, 470 00:34:18,070 --> 00:34:19,180 All right, Mr, Barnes, 471 00:34:19,180 --> 00:34:22,000 describe the gentleman who has just slapped you, 472 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,070 Six foot tall, 180 pounds, 473 00:34:27,070 --> 00:34:29,220 Twenty-one years of age, blonde hair, 474 00:34:29,220 --> 00:34:32,220 - Complexion? - White, 475 00:34:32,220 --> 00:34:36,160 - A Caucasian, - A Caucasian, 476 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,150 Primary emotional level again, 477 00:34:38,150 --> 00:34:40,160 Your reaction, 478 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,050 Bigoted, Aggressive, 479 00:34:43,050 --> 00:34:45,010 Pre-set prejudices, 480 00:34:45,010 --> 00:34:47,150 - Illogical attitudes, - And your response? 481 00:34:47,150 --> 00:34:49,160 Slap him back, 482 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,210 Do so, if you will, Mr, Barnes, 483 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,070 All right, gentlemen, 484 00:35:01,070 --> 00:35:02,200 Independently, please, 485 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,140 A reaction to what you have just done, 486 00:35:04,140 --> 00:35:06,170 Satisfaction, 487 00:35:06,170 --> 00:35:08,000 Mr, Barnes, 488 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,040 Satisfaction, 489 00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,070 You may be seated, gentlemen, 490 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,230 Miss Peterson, in the area 491 00:35:20,230 --> 00:35:24,100 of subconscious stimuli to hostility, 492 00:35:24,100 --> 00:35:27,000 look around the room, if you will, please, 493 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:30,050 Pick a subject to whom you instinctively respond 494 00:35:30,050 --> 00:35:32,120 in a primarily negative way, 495 00:35:35,150 --> 00:35:38,060 Joanne Fields, 496 00:35:38,060 --> 00:35:40,050 Miss Fields, stand, if you will, 497 00:35:42,150 --> 00:35:45,010 Face Miss Peterson, 498 00:35:45,010 --> 00:35:46,230 Association, Miss Peterson, 499 00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:49,140 Well-dressed, 500 00:35:49,140 --> 00:35:53,030 Obviously wealthy parents, 501 00:35:53,030 --> 00:35:56,110 Social register, that sort of thing, 502 00:35:56,110 --> 00:35:59,000 Tends toward snobbery, 503 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,000 The source of hostility, 504 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,150 My family, 505 00:36:04,150 --> 00:36:06,200 Southern Pennsylvania, 506 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,150 Father dead, 507 00:36:09,150 --> 00:36:11,210 Mother uneducated, 508 00:36:11,210 --> 00:36:14,040 Many brothers and sisters, 509 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,160 Very poor, 510 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,130 No social distinction at all, 511 00:36:18,130 --> 00:36:20,020 Proceed, if you will, 512 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,080 Miss Fields, 513 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:50,000 A reaction, please, Hostility first, 514 00:36:54,070 --> 00:36:57,000 White trash, Ignorant, 515 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,060 No graces, 516 00:36:59,060 --> 00:37:00,210 Envious, 517 00:37:00,210 --> 00:37:03,110 Money-conscious, Social climber, 518 00:37:03,110 --> 00:37:05,090 Proceed, 519 00:37:24,100 --> 00:37:26,010 You may be seated, 520 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,060 Mr, Elkins, 521 00:37:35,030 --> 00:37:37,090 The hypothesis as follows, 522 00:37:37,090 --> 00:37:40,010 A society made up of your own kind, 523 00:37:40,010 --> 00:37:42,030 and an enemy, 524 00:37:42,030 --> 00:37:44,140 Pick out a potential enemy, please, 525 00:37:53,150 --> 00:37:54,190 William Chang, 526 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,020 PROFESSOR: Stand up, Mr, Chang, 527 00:38:01,110 --> 00:38:03,040 How would you view 528 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,150 a possible relationship here, Mr, Elkins? 529 00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:08,140 No relationship possible, 530 00:38:08,140 --> 00:38:09,230 A question only of survival, 531 00:38:09,230 --> 00:38:12,030 Mr, Chang or you? 532 00:38:12,030 --> 00:38:13,160 One or the other, 533 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,110 And how would you translate that 534 00:38:15,110 --> 00:38:17,010 into a form of action? 535 00:38:18,150 --> 00:38:20,070 Kill him, 536 00:38:20,070 --> 00:38:22,100 A little louder, if you please, Mr, Elkins, 537 00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:24,060 I'm not sure I heard you, 538 00:38:24,060 --> 00:38:25,280 ( loudly ) I said I would have to kill him, 539 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,200 Modus operandi, Mr, Elkins, 540 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,180 Proceed, if you will, 541 00:39:37,020 --> 00:39:39,170 All right, Mr, Elkins, proceed, 542 00:39:48,010 --> 00:39:50,200 Mr, Elkins, Mr, Elkins! 543 00:39:53,020 --> 00:39:55,130 You deliberately missed killing the enemy, 544 00:39:55,130 --> 00:39:58,090 Yes, sir, 545 00:39:58,090 --> 00:39:59,210 I can't hear you, Mr, Elkins, 546 00:39:59,210 --> 00:40:02,180 ( loudly ) I deliberately missed killing him, sir, 547 00:40:02,180 --> 00:40:04,020 Why, Mr, Elkins? 548 00:40:10,100 --> 00:40:11,230 I can't say, 549 00:40:11,230 --> 00:40:15,040 You can't say? Is that what I just heard? 550 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,210 Reflect for a moment, Mr, Elkins, 551 00:40:17,210 --> 00:40:21,130 and explain to me why you failed to kill the enemy, 552 00:40:24,150 --> 00:40:26,160 I'm not sure he is the enemy, 553 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:30,050 You are not sure that he is the enemy? 554 00:40:33,190 --> 00:40:36,050 He's not the enemy, 555 00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:42,000 He's not the enemy, 556 00:40:43,130 --> 00:40:46,180 ( students murmuring ) 557 00:40:46,180 --> 00:40:49,210 I can't deliberately kill someone 558 00:40:49,210 --> 00:40:52,170 without knowing why I'm killing or who I'm killing, 559 00:40:52,170 --> 00:40:54,070 I can't do that, 560 00:40:54,070 --> 00:40:57,190 ( murmuring ) 561 00:40:57,190 --> 00:41:00,030 He's infecting the others, Deactivate all of them, 562 00:41:01,230 --> 00:41:04,020 ( voice distorting ) I can't deliberately take a gun,,, 563 00:41:05,140 --> 00:41:07,140 ( tape rewinding ) 564 00:41:07,140 --> 00:41:11,050 I can't deliberately take a gun,,, 565 00:41:31,130 --> 00:41:34,010 - PROFESSOR: Unusual, - Sir? 566 00:41:34,010 --> 00:41:37,160 To find such total resistance, 567 00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:41,020 And unpleasant, 568 00:41:41,020 --> 00:41:43,020 Give me selective control over here, 569 00:41:46,070 --> 00:41:49,160 Mr, Johnson, your attention, please, 570 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,150 Mr, Johnson, 571 00:41:57,150 --> 00:42:00,160 we have previously set up the hypothesis 572 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,020 of a major social and political problem, 573 00:42:03,020 --> 00:42:04,050 Do you recollect it? 574 00:42:04,050 --> 00:42:06,130 Yes, sir, I do, 575 00:42:06,130 --> 00:42:08,100 You'd established the presence of the enemy, 576 00:42:08,100 --> 00:42:10,080 Requested Elkins to-- 577 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,130 Never mind what I asked him to do, 578 00:42:12,130 --> 00:42:15,090 You are to assume his role, Mr, Johnson, 579 00:42:15,090 --> 00:42:17,190 and in the process, you will explain to me 580 00:42:17,190 --> 00:42:20,060 the new ramifications of the problem, 581 00:42:20,060 --> 00:42:22,050 Elkins refused to respond to his responsibility, 582 00:42:22,050 --> 00:42:24,130 He failed to kill the enemy, 583 00:42:24,130 --> 00:42:25,210 Very good, Go on, 584 00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:29,080 So, what evolved 585 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,110 is yet a second enemy, 586 00:42:31,110 --> 00:42:33,080 In the nature of? 587 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,040 A traitor, 588 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:36,150 Subversive, 589 00:42:36,150 --> 00:42:38,160 An unreliable, 590 00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:15,030 ( distorted voice speaking indistinctly ) 591 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:24,090 ( distorted speaking continues ) 592 00:43:43,180 --> 00:43:45,140 Very good, Mr, Johnson, 593 00:43:45,140 --> 00:43:48,140 You have reinstated yourself most admirably, 594 00:43:48,140 --> 00:43:50,010 You get an A, 595 00:43:53,170 --> 00:43:56,180 MAN: Fellow students of the graduating class of 1999, 596 00:43:56,180 --> 00:44:00,060 It is my pleasant duty as representative of the class 597 00:44:00,060 --> 00:44:02,060 to make these few remarks 598 00:44:02,060 --> 00:44:04,170 during this commencement ceremony, 599 00:44:04,170 --> 00:44:07,170 We need not be reminded of recent history, 600 00:44:07,170 --> 00:44:10,040 and why we are here, 601 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,170 It's sufficient to recollect that major wars, 602 00:44:12,170 --> 00:44:14,160 pestilence, and pollution, 603 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,200 have reversed the overpopulation trend 604 00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:19,040 and left the world depleted and diminished, 605 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,040 It is for this reason that we have been created, 606 00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,050 to repopulate society, 607 00:44:25,210 --> 00:44:28,140 We have been created by man in his image, 608 00:44:28,140 --> 00:44:32,120 All that we know, our attitudes, our values, 609 00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:35,030 are part of the integral data that's been fed into us, 610 00:44:35,030 --> 00:44:38,010 and we shall use them as a point of beginning, 611 00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:40,050 We must be just, but ruthless 612 00:44:40,050 --> 00:44:42,110 in terms of survival, 613 00:44:42,110 --> 00:44:44,180 We must recognize that many of the ancient virtues 614 00:44:44,180 --> 00:44:46,110 are simply weaknesses, 615 00:44:46,110 --> 00:44:49,140 For example, to tolerate an inferior 616 00:44:49,140 --> 00:44:52,070 is an act of misplaced compassion, 617 00:44:52,070 --> 00:44:54,110 and as such, interferes with our function 618 00:44:54,110 --> 00:44:56,130 as members of the society, 619 00:44:56,130 --> 00:44:59,200 We shall repay our debt to man by emulating him, 620 00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:03,110 We shall act as men, react as men, 621 00:45:03,110 --> 00:45:05,200 We shall be men, 622 00:45:23,180 --> 00:45:26,050 MAN: Satisfaction guaranteed, 623 00:45:26,050 --> 00:45:28,060 I believe that is your motto, 624 00:45:28,060 --> 00:45:30,040 Not merely my motto, 625 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,100 It's my life's dedication, 626 00:45:32,100 --> 00:45:34,110 Twenty-five years in the same location, 627 00:45:34,110 --> 00:45:37,190 and I have yet to receive my first customer complaint, 628 00:45:37,190 --> 00:45:41,210 Perhaps I should forewarn you concerning my requirements, 629 00:45:41,210 --> 00:45:44,160 I am extremely particular, Mrs, Mount, 630 00:45:46,090 --> 00:45:48,160 Extremely particular, 631 00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,070 Challenge me, sir, 632 00:45:50,070 --> 00:45:52,060 Fling down your gauntlet, 633 00:45:52,060 --> 00:45:55,070 The last girl I engaged 634 00:45:55,070 --> 00:45:59,070 regrettably left much to be desired, 635 00:45:59,070 --> 00:46:03,070 Obtained through another agency, n'est ce pas? 636 00:46:03,070 --> 00:46:05,050 Remember our credo, 637 00:46:05,050 --> 00:46:07,150 Satisfaction guaranteed, 638 00:46:07,150 --> 00:46:10,050 Hmm, 639 00:46:10,050 --> 00:46:12,170 Well, we shall see, Mrs, Mount, 640 00:46:12,170 --> 00:46:14,030 We shall see, 641 00:46:14,030 --> 00:46:16,070 Shall I trot out our first candidate? 642 00:46:16,070 --> 00:46:17,190 - ( buzzer buzzes ) - By all means, 643 00:46:19,090 --> 00:46:21,010 Your letter of inquiry 644 00:46:21,010 --> 00:46:24,130 sets such uncompromisingly high standards, 645 00:46:24,130 --> 00:46:27,040 I have carefully selected from among our girls 646 00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,220 the very finest we have to offer, 647 00:46:29,220 --> 00:46:32,040 You did say money was no object, 648 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:33,210 No, no, no object at all, 649 00:46:33,210 --> 00:46:36,010 Ah, Miss Walters, 650 00:46:36,010 --> 00:46:38,080 This is our Miss Walters, 651 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,150 She's only just become available, 652 00:46:40,150 --> 00:46:44,140 She's an honor graduate of Cooper Business College, 653 00:46:44,140 --> 00:46:46,060 Takes superb shorthand, 654 00:46:46,060 --> 00:46:48,210 Types 120 words a minute, speaks six languages-- 655 00:46:48,210 --> 00:46:52,120 Uh, she,,, she's too fragile, 656 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:55,130 Too ephemeral, 657 00:46:55,130 --> 00:46:58,010 I'm sorry, Miss Walters, 658 00:46:58,010 --> 00:47:01,150 Nothing personal, but you won't do, 659 00:47:01,150 --> 00:47:02,180 No? 660 00:47:04,180 --> 00:47:06,040 ( quietly ) No, 661 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:09,070 That will be all, Virginia, 662 00:47:09,070 --> 00:47:11,220 Would you send in Miss Ransom? 663 00:47:11,220 --> 00:47:15,220 Now, Miss Ransom's bona fides 664 00:47:15,220 --> 00:47:18,220 are, in some respect, superior even 665 00:47:18,220 --> 00:47:20,200 to the previous applicant, 666 00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,030 In her last position, 667 00:47:23,030 --> 00:47:25,160 in addition to her other duties, 668 00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:27,210 she was responsible for running 669 00:47:27,210 --> 00:47:30,020 the entire stenographic pool, 670 00:47:30,020 --> 00:47:32,190 - ( door opens ) - Ah! 671 00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,040 No, 672 00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,180 No, She's not at all what I'm looking for, 673 00:47:44,180 --> 00:47:47,000 Very well, 674 00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,050 Although I don't see,,, 675 00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:54,070 Have Miss Caraway step in, 676 00:47:55,220 --> 00:47:57,030 ( door closes ) 677 00:48:02,230 --> 00:48:06,100 This one, I'm sure, will meet with your approval, 678 00:48:06,100 --> 00:48:11,020 She's somewhat more,,, mature, should I say? 679 00:48:11,020 --> 00:48:13,200 Less distracting to the eye, 680 00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,170 But with her 20 years 681 00:48:15,170 --> 00:48:18,000 of executive experience behind her,,, 682 00:48:23,070 --> 00:48:25,110 Thank you, Miss Caraway, 683 00:48:25,110 --> 00:48:26,210 That will be all, 684 00:48:36,070 --> 00:48:38,080 I was so certain that you would select 685 00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,110 from among the three that you've interviewed, 686 00:48:40,110 --> 00:48:43,040 You mean there's no one else available? 687 00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:44,280 No, 688 00:48:47,100 --> 00:48:51,100 Oh, dear me, This has never happened before, 689 00:48:51,100 --> 00:48:55,060 Never in my 25 years of operation, 690 00:48:55,060 --> 00:48:58,210 And I promised you satisfaction, 691 00:48:58,210 --> 00:49:00,190 ( door opens ) 692 00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,000 What about that girl? 693 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,180 Miss Blodgett? Oh, she's only the filing clerk, 694 00:49:11,180 --> 00:49:13,000 It doesn't matter, 695 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:14,070 She doesn't take shorthand, 696 00:49:14,070 --> 00:49:15,200 Makes no difference, 697 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,040 She can't type, 698 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,190 Nobody's perfect, 699 00:49:18,190 --> 00:49:21,000 Her handwriting's illegible, 700 00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,130 She brews a perfectly indigestible cup of coffee, 701 00:49:26,210 --> 00:49:29,050 I think the amount of this check 702 00:49:29,050 --> 00:49:32,210 will make further conversation unnecessary, Mrs, Mount, 703 00:49:36,030 --> 00:49:38,040 You want her, 704 00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:42,110 You actually want Miss Blodgett? 705 00:49:42,110 --> 00:49:47,010 She is precisely what I have been looking for, 706 00:49:47,010 --> 00:49:49,090 if you'll pardon 707 00:49:49,090 --> 00:49:51,070 - the prepositional ending, - But,,, 708 00:49:51,070 --> 00:49:53,200 Remember your motto, Mrs, Mount, 709 00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:56,160 Satisfaction guaranteed, 710 00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:59,040 Very well, sir, 711 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,120 When would you wish her to report? 712 00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,290 Oh, no, Won't be necessary, 713 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,110 Won't be necessary? 714 00:50:07,110 --> 00:50:09,170 No, 715 00:50:09,170 --> 00:50:11,180 Why bother? 716 00:50:11,180 --> 00:50:13,290 I can just eat her here, 51655