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1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:04,480
It was the morning
of Martin's confirmation,
2
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,680
another milestone
in his idiotic little life.
3
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,040
It seems a tad too big.
4
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,000
Oh, yeah.
You look like a schmuck.
5
00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:13,600
I wouldn't worry
about it, buddy.
6
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,720
You're just a late bloomer.
And, hey, big day.
7
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,440
Yeah. Confirmed.
8
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,400
It's got a nice
ring to it, all right.
9
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,960
Not "hoped for"
or "pencilled in". Confirmed.
10
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,800
Like a well-organised
dinner reservation.
11
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,160
I'm a shower, not a grower.
12
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,920
Oh, Martin.
You look so handsome.
13
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,600
Oh, thanks, Mam.
14
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,560
Better get your
shoes on, love. We're running late.
15
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,840
Mum, where's my coat?
16
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,040
It's hanging up in the hall!
17
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,080
Your shoes, Martin.
18
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,080
These are my shoes.
19
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,600
No, your black leather shoes.
20
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,320
I don't have any
black leather shoes.
21
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,800
Of course you have
black leather shoes.
22
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:51,520
I remember buying you
black leather shoes.
23
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,400
That was for my communion, Mam.
24
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,640
I grew out of them.
25
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,160
Ah! Always bloody growing!
26
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,720
Okay, stay calm!
27
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,280
Somewhere in this room,
there has to be some kind of black leather footwear.
28
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,800
At least take the studs off.
29
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,080
I can't!
30
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:17,880
They're moulded!
31
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,160
♪ Dancing at the disco,
bumper to bumper
32
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,880
♪ Wait a minute,
where's me jumper
33
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,600
♪ Where's me jumper,
where's me jumper
34
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,720
♪ Where's me jumper,
where's me jumper? Oh, no ♪
35
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,320
♪ Holy
Holy Lord
36
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,480
♪ Holy
Holy Lord
37
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:53,440
♪ Holy are you,
Lord of power and might Holy, holy, you are so holy ♪
38
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,960
Do you know what's gas?
I totally forgot I was your godmother.
39
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,520
Sure I probably missed a load
of your birthdays!
40
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,560
It's okay, I kept a tab.
41
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,040
You have them all there,
all right.
42
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,920
Do you know what
name you're taking?
43
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,080
'Cause I checked through a
few saints and I came up with a few suggestions.
44
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,800
Aquinas the
Baptist? Bonaventura...
45
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,520
Actually, I decided
to let Granddad pick my confirmation name.
46
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,040
Aw, that's so sweet, Martin.
47
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,800
I think I'll go for Martin.
48
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:21,720
Martin?
49
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,520
Martin's a lovely name.
50
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,160
After Saint Martin.
51
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,080
- What did he do again?
- Oh, I don't know.
52
00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,800
- He was one of the black ones.
- Oh, yeah.
53
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,720
Martin's my name.
54
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,720
That's right. Martin.
55
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,400
Martin Martin?
56
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:36,800
It's easy to remember.
57
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,160
♪ Holy, holy ♪
58
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,600
Here we go. It's so exciting.
59
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,920
-Mass is so exciting.
- Oh, we praise Thy name.
60
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,400
Already bored,
Martin tuned out.
61
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,000
Until suddenly,
a Biblical breeze of coolness
62
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,120
blew through the congregation
like a boy blizzard...
63
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,280
With its own smoke machine
64
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,040
and their raffish robes.
65
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,400
Who was this
bell-ringing brotherhood?
66
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,800
Here we are, so...
67
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,560
At mass.
68
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,200
With their godliness,
and their great hair,
69
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,640
these Holy Joes were a law
unto themselves.
70
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,520
I think I want to
be an altar boy.
71
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:20,720
Me, too.
72
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,520
Okay, excited.
Say "confirmation".
73
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,760
Confirmation!
74
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,320
That can't be
what Jesus died for.
75
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,160
If anyone should be crucified,
it should be that keyboard fella.
76
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,680
Unbelievable.
77
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,040
I could barely sleep.
78
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,160
We need one more
with the baldy bishop
79
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,640
and then we can get
the hell out of here.
80
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,320
Yeah, the choir
was pretty weird.
81
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,480
I bet they're just doing it
for extra school credits.
82
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,400
Ugh, I'd rather fail.
83
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,160
And that, Trish, is why
you'll never be Ireland's first female Taoiseach.
84
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,080
Well, that and my
future drug habit.
85
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,520
So how's mass, lads?
You enjoying it? - Yes.
86
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,000
Well, that's good.
You're learning. - Yeah.
87
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,400
Well, that's good.
That's the main thing.
88
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,680
Put the two together
and you'll be a winner.
89
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,120
- Hey.
- Hi.
90
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,360
Nice Ave Maria.
91
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,840
Haven't heard it
in A-minor before.
92
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,520
Or with a samba beat.
93
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,120
Just trying to mix it up
a bit, add some snares to the prayers.
94
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,400
Dessie, by the way.
95
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,400
Fidelma. Delma.
96
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:22,560
Nice to meet you,
Fidelma Delma.
97
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,000
Right, lads, bit of exodus.
98
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,000
I really think
the boots work, Martin.
99
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,720
We could have
a big game of football right now if we wanted to.
100
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:34,040
But for once, Padraic's
moronic ramblings were falling on deaf ears.
101
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:41,160
♪ I was blind,
now I can see
102
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:46,720
♪ You made a believer,
out of me
103
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:47,920
♪ I was blind ♪
104
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,520
Hi, Petey. Hi Paulie.
105
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,160
Hi, Joey. Hi, other Joey.
106
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,720
Great mass, lads. Great mass.
107
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,640
You know those guys?
108
00:04:56,680 --> 00:05:00,600
Know them?
I used to serve with them. But I had to quit.
109
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,000
Being an altar boy
was just too intense.
110
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,240
Can you get me in?
111
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:08,160
You don't want to go down
that road, Martin. Trust me. I've been there.
112
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,560
Grand. I'll just ask
someone else, then.
113
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,000
Okey-dokey. See ya!
114
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,320
Hey, I'm heading
out to the church.
115
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,120
Going to
audition for the choir.
116
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,400
Seriously? The Singing Saps?
117
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,680
Mum!
118
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,240
Seriously? The Singing Saps?
119
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,720
It's for school.
120
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,280
Plus, I think it'll look good
on my college CV.
121
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,720
Ah. One step closer
to Taoiseach.
122
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,960
She'll be
running the country soon enough.
123
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,800
Oh, and I'm sure you two
will be right there with her.
124
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,080
Why would we be there?
125
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,400
I don't know.
Assassinating her?
126
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:48,160
♪ So, shall I never
127
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:53,840
♪ Ever part from thee ♪
128
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,280
It was awful, wasn't it?
129
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,560
When we sing for
the baby Jesus, it's never awful.
130
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,920
Usually.
131
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,240
No, I'm joking. Or am I?
132
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,280
No, I am.
I am. It wasn't that bad.
133
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:10,120
Well, maybe I could try
something more contemporary, like
134
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,160
Nothing Compares 2 U?
135
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,120
Sinead O'Connor?
136
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,440
Look, Fidelma,
137
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,680
when I play for
the baby Jesus, I want Him to be entertained,
138
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,440
not frightened.
139
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,920
I want to make
Him dance, you know?
140
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,840
Is He big enough to dance?
141
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,040
- What do you mean?
- It's just...
142
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,120
Isn't He a little baby?
143
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:34,000
What, a 2,000-year old baby?
But let's not overthink it.
144
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,160
Look, the point is
joining this choir is a serious business.
145
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,960
Especially with
Holy Week approaching.
146
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,520
And I need
singers that'll raise the roof.
147
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:42,920
And the dead. Do you get me?
148
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,440
I want to make
the baby Jesus dance.
149
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,720
- Snake eyes.
- Hard eight.
150
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,560
Okay, just stroll over there,
buddy. Just stroll over, just be cool.
151
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,120
Shoulders back, head up.
Don't let them know you're intimidated.
152
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,280
Be smooth. Come on!
153
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,800
Oh, I love Snakes and Ladders!
154
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:08,400
♪ Ave Maria
155
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,400
♪ Diaphragm, diaphragm ♪
156
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,320
What?
157
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,920
You've got to breathe from
down here, my love. Look, feel where my hand is.
158
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,600
Do you feel that?
All right, try it again.
159
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:27,360
♪ Ave Maria ♪
160
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,040
- How'd that feel?
- Yeah, that felt...
161
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,600
Really nice.
162
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,440
Sorry, Mr Dolan.
163
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,440
This kid says he wants
to be an altar boy.
164
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:37,520
Idiot.
165
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:38,960
Oh, hi, Delma!
166
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,520
Is this your brother, Delma?
167
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,000
Yeah, this is Martin.
168
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,280
Oh, that's so great.
Family is so important, isn't it?
169
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,760
Let's get Martin fitted out
for a cassock, shall we?
170
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,760
- You're letting him join?
- That's right, Paulie.
171
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,760
But he hasn't been
through training. What about bell camp?
172
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,080
I said,
"That's right, Paulie."
173
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,640
We're a man short.
7:00 a.m. mass, Tuesday.
174
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,680
You reckon you're up to it?
175
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,920
I was born up to it.
176
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,280
Good man!
177
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,760
Let's get back to
this crowing, so.
178
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,720
Can you believe it, P?
My first mass tomorrow. So exciting!
179
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,800
Oh, Martin, Martin, Martin...
180
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,440
It's just Martin Martin.
181
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,240
Look, at least let me give you
some advice. The Altar Boys Code.
182
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:28,320
Always give respect.
Pay your dues. And never be a snitch.
183
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,040
Is that it?
184
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,360
And always
hand-wash your cassock.
185
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,520
It's really quite delicate.
186
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:41,280
♪ Set our hearts on fire
187
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,280
♪ Flow, river flow
188
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:49,080
♪ Flood the nation
with grace and mercy
189
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,400
♪ Send forth your word, Lord
190
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:56,480
♪ And let there be love ♪
191
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,280
Let us pray.
In the name of the Father...
192
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,640
And so Martin embarked
on his first mass,
193
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:11,160
with all the nerves and
trepidation of a boy serving his first mass.
194
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:17,080
This is my blood.
Drink from it and remember me.
195
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,400
Drink this blood
and remember me.
196
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,160
My blood. Drink my blood!
197
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:36,960
Do something, Martin!
198
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,760
And Jesus said, "This is
my blood, drink from it and remember me."
199
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,440
Yes!
200
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:53,600
Nailed it!
201
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,760
- Nice mass, Moone.
- Oh, thanks.
202
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,800
I just felt so at ease.
203
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,320
Don't get ahead
of yourself, chump.
204
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,800
It was a decent start.
That's all.
205
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,400
All right. Here's your cut.
206
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,440
Wow! Free Eucharists!
207
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,760
Don't eat them all at once.
208
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,440
And 12p?
209
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,760
This isn't from
the collection plates, is it?
210
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,720
We divide up the money we find
on the floor.
211
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,360
Oh, well, that's okay, then.
212
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,240
And we add that to
the money we steal from the collection plates.
213
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,360
- Oh.
- Loaves and fishes, kiddo.
214
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,760
Loaves and fishes.
215
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,080
And hey, make sure Dessie gets
his taste, yeah?
216
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,120
Dessie?
217
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,840
Petey explained
the structure of the Mass Mafia,
218
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,800
a complex
pyramid of corruption and brown envelopes,
219
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,160
with one man
pulling all the strings. The electric piano strings.
220
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,640
I love the baby Jesus!
221
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,000
Sweet sounds, that's dry!
222
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,920
Martin? What are you
eating there?
223
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,480
Uh, nothing, Father.
Just crisps.
224
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,400
You mean God's crisps?
225
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,800
These are Eucharists.
226
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,120
No, they're, uh, Eucharisps.
227
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,000
I'm only going to
ask you one more time.
228
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:28,240
Where did you
get the Eucharist? Talk, dammit, Martin!
229
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,680
Stay strong, buddy.
Remember what Padraic said.
230
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,360
Never be a snitch, Martin.
231
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:37,240
Hey, this is cool!
Am I a dream?
232
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,160
What are you looking at?
233
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,120
Just my imaginary friend.
234
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,840
The church is no place
for imaginary friends.
235
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,320
Look, I know you altar boys
are up to no good
236
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,600
and I've turned
a blind eye to it for far too long.
237
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,960
But I'm going to
get to the bottom of this racket,
238
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,000
even if it takes
me all mid-morning!
239
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,080
Oh. Actually,
it's time for soup.
240
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,840
I will deal with you later.
241
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,160
If I remember.
242
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,280
Looks like Moone didn't crack.
243
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,920
You broke your cherry,
Marty Football Boots.
244
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,520
Nice job, Martin Martin!
245
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,120
Marty Two-Times!
246
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,600
I think the boss might
want to show his appreciation, Marty Two-Times.
247
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,800
Wow, shoes! Thanks, Mr Dolan.
248
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,320
You've earned them, kid.
Also, your studs are really messing up the carpet.
249
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,080
Oh, right. Sorry.
250
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,440
And, uh,
I think this is for you?
251
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,520
Oh, thanks.
252
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:56,320
So listen.
A slot's opened up for Holy Thursday.
253
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,440
Can I count on you?
254
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,200
I was born to count on me.
255
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:10,120
Holy Thursday, huh?
Welcome to the big leagues, buddy.
256
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,200
We've got work to do.
257
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,280
- Mam.
- Hmm?
258
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,720
You know when a guy
flirts with you...
259
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:17,920
I've a vague memory of it.
260
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,200
And then sort of ignores you?
261
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,040
Oh, that part I'm
more familiar with, yes.
262
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,080
What does that mean, exactly?
263
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,200
Is this some fella you like?
264
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,440
No, not really.
He's a bit of a door, to be honest.
265
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,920
So why are we
talking about him?
266
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,600
Dunno. Just wondering.
267
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,040
He's probably
just stupid, hon.
268
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,240
But if you fancy him,
just throw yourself at him.
269
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,600
Mmm. ABC, Delma.
Always be classy.
270
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,960
And a teeny bit slutty.
271
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,120
Oh yeah,
and a teeny bit slutty.
272
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:53,040
Oh, great work tonight, folks.
I'll see you tomorrow.
273
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,320
God bless, dudes.
274
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:57,840
Need a hand
with that, Dessie? -
275
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,320
That Gloriamash-up's
really coming together.
276
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,960
I didn't think it would work
with the Brazilian drum sound, but you know,
277
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,160
it kind of does.
278
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,960
Ah, what can I say?
279
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,480
The Lord sings
through my Casio.
280
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,040
Well, uh,
I think I'm heading home.
281
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,960
Going to do some work
on my electric opera.
282
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,720
Cool. Want to drop me
on the way?
283
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,520
To your house?
284
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,520
But we live in
opposite directions.
285
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:25,960
- Do we?
- Oh, big time.
286
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,480
Oh, yeah.
287
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,560
I just thought
you might like to
288
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,360
take me home.
289
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,600
It's a two
minute walk, Delma. - Right, yeah, sorry.
290
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,080
No problem.
See you later, buddy.
291
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,080
And bless.
292
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,160
And bless.
293
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:55,200
♪ My sweet Lord Hallelujah
294
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:59,320
♪ Mmm, my Lord Hallelujah ♪
295
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,000
Do this in memory of me.
296
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,880
Three point eight. Good.
297
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,800
Faster, Martin.
Come on, put some holy in it.
298
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,480
Oh, yeah.
That's incense-sational.
299
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,120
Good genuflect.
You don't want to falter at the altar.
300
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,760
Keep it short and sharp.
301
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,240
You wanna keep
the ecumenical economical.
302
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,400
We want to leave
the congregation reeling at your kneeling, son.
303
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,920
Keep going, kid.
You've got it in you. Just keep doing it.
304
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,320
That's it!
That's it! That's it!
305
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,560
♪ Hallelujah ♪
306
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,720
So, we've raised an altar boy
and a choir singer.
307
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,440
Where did we go wrong?
308
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,200
I suppose that's the risk you
take when you have children in wedlock.
309
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000
All right, kid. It's time.
310
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,720
No, seriously.
It's time. We should go. Don't want to be late. Yeah?
311
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:04,440
♪ I really want to be with you
But it takes so long, my Lord
312
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,720
♪ Hare Krishna
313
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,680
♪ My sweet Lord, Hare Krishna
314
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,920
♪ Mmm, my Lord, Hare Krishna
315
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,440
♪ My sweet Lord, Krishna Krishna
316
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,080
Big crowd, isn't it?
317
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,240
Well, yeah, it's Holy Thursday.
318
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,800
Shh!
319
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,120
♪ I really want to
be with you ♪
320
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,600
Morning, everyone
and welcome to... -
321
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:38,240
And, uh, welcome to
Holy Thursday mass.
322
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,360
Now let us now
bow our heads and... -
323
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,760
And pray. Let us pray.
324
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,360
Glory to God in the high...
325
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,360
Martin, take over.
Tommy's got the jingle-jangles.
326
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,280
Glory to God in the highest...
327
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,680
But I've never bell-rung before.
328
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:57,960
I said take over.
329
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,560
I'm so ashamed.
330
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:07,160
He took the cup,
gave it to his disciples and said...
331
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,240
Hold...
332
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:13,600
- "Do this in memory of me."
- Hold... Hold...
333
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,680
Bells!
334
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,360
You were magnificent, Martin.
335
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,800
Seeing you up
there brought back a lot of memories.
336
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:29,520
Yeah, being an altar boy
is great. It really is.
337
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,760
Apart from
all the corruption, obviously.
338
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,960
Yeah, there really is
quite a lot of corruption, isn't there?
339
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,520
That's altar boyism for you.
Why do you think I got out of it?
340
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:39,920
Some things you
just can't change.
341
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,760
Another triumph, Martin!
342
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,680
I trust you're
free to join us again on Sunday?
343
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,920
Easter Sunday? Hell, yes!
344
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,080
I mean, yes.
345
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,480
- Padraic.
- Mr Dolan.
346
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,480
Sounds to me like
they're going to make you a Made Boy.
347
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,160
A Made Boy? What's that?
348
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,360
It's a great honour.
349
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,280
Wow! Were you a Made Boy?
350
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,880
No. I could never be a Made Boy,
351
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,080
because my
Granny's a Protestant.
352
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,560
That was
a lovely mass, Dessie.
353
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,040
Oh, I don't know.
My bongo solo lacked a bit of sparkle, though.
354
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:19,280
You should be proud.
You're really talented, Dessie.
355
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,520
In your own way.
356
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,040
Yeah,
357
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:24,840
I know.
358
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,680
Hey, you know, I've been trying
to ignore you, Delma,
359
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,160
'cause I know
it's kinda wrong.
360
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,720
But the baby Jesus is dancing
in my heart, for you.
361
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,520
Then let Him dance, Dessie.
362
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,120
Just let Him dance.
363
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:57,280
How was it for you?
364
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,360
- Psst!
- Jesus!
365
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,200
You know what you're getting
mixed up in, Delma?
366
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:09,360
What?
367
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,280
You're playing with fire.
368
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,040
All is not what it seems.
369
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,920
Are you actually
going to tell me something or...
370
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,800
It's Dessie! He's corrupt.
He's got his hands in everyone's pockets,
371
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,360
his fingers in
everyone's pies.
372
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,920
So, the pies are in the pockets?
373
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,800
This conversation
never happened.
374
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,720
Oh, hi, lads.
375
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,040
I'll just get that.
376
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,160
Is this some kind of a ritual?
Am I a Made Boy now?
377
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,680
You're out.
Was that not clear?
378
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,840
Out? Why?
379
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,920
Altar Boys Code.
You snitched, you big snitcher.
380
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,520
But what about
Easter Sunday Mass? Can I still serve?
381
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,000
You'll be serving dinner,
you schmuck. Dinner of dishonour.
382
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,120
- You're so funny, Petey.
- I know.
383
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,640
Hey!
384
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,520
Well, at least
I protected my family from Dessie's corrupt ways.
385
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,400
Yeah, you really did.
386
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:34,160
Jesus, mass again.
Weren't we just here?
387
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,880
Jesus, mass again.
388
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,440
Weren't we just here?
389
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,040
It's okay, love.
Go back to sleep.
390
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,200
Oh, by the way, Martin was
telling me you're corrupt. What's that about?
391
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,800
Altar boys. I don't really
understand them, to be honest.
392
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,120
They've got this
whole gangster thing going on.
393
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,000
But, hey, I guess
it keeps them motivated.
394
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,640
They keep giving me money
and stuff, I just put it back in the baskets.
395
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:16,160
♪ Jesus was a sound man
Killed by Pontius Pilate
396
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,680
♪ And a bunch of angry Jews...
397
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,440
As Martin sat there
listening to the terrible music,
398
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,280
a regular schmuck once again
like everyone else,
399
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:29,520
he realised that one man
can't make a difference in a corrupt world
400
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:34,040
and the only thing you can
really do is to turn your back on it and walk away,
401
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:35,760
just like Padraic did.
402
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:41,000
♪ Get up, get back up
Get up
403
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,560
♪ Get up and go
start a new faith ♪
404
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,720
Unbelievable. Judas!
29967
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