All language subtitles for Moone.Boy.S01E03.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Lucky is the boy who
grows up in a house full of the fairer sex,

for he will have an early
insight into the mysterious ways of the woman.

- He'll learn cool make-up tips.
- Enjoy school, Princess Martina.

Martin,
get up for school! -

General
bathroom etiquette. - Fidelma, come on.

I'm shitting.

As well as fashion
and style.

You're late.

- Ugh! They're soggy.
- They were crispy 10 minutes ago.

But although
this early education did leave Martin very at ease

when speaking with girls
outside the home...

Yeah.

Frosties on the go again,
ladies. What can I say? They're grrreat.

It did create
some jealousy

amongst other alpha males.

Hey, beautiful.

Hey, Alan.

♪ Do you really
want to hurt me ♪

Yes, a strong tune, Tony.

- Good morning, Martin.
- Good morning, Padraic.

Ooh-la-la!

Why is everyone
acting so weird?

Well, we're at the point
when adolescence and manhood

are fighting for supremacy
in our everchanging boy vessels...

I mean today. Why is everyone
acting so weird to me today?

Probably because
you're wearing makeup.

- What?
- All right, Madonna?

I kinda like it.

♪ Dancing at the disco,
bumper to bumper

♪ Wait a minute,
where's me jumper?

♪ Where's me jumper,
where's me jumper?

♪ Where's me jumper,
where's me jumper? Oh, no ♪

And the police
are making no attempt

to stop people as
they scale the wall. I have never witnessed...

- Big week.
- It is.

I've got my first
Weight Wishers class on Friday.

All right. Yeah. Good for you.

- Oh, yeah. It's all change.
- Ah, yeah. Sure no harm, I suppose.

I'm sorry. What?

I could probably do
with cutting out a few rashers myself...

Liam, I'm not
doing the bloody class.

I'm going to be
a Weight Wishers instructor.

- That's right.
- I told you about it.

I know you did.

We had a lengthy conversation
about it, to which I was listening to every word.

You're taking a course

or you've got your name down
for a certificate.

Yeah. All right, Liam.
That'll do.

- Debs, I tried.
- You did.

Look, I know everybody
is giving you a hard time.

But I'd just like you to know

that I wish you
all the best of luck with being gay.

No, this is all
just a big misunder... - Shh. Shut up, Pet Shop Boys.

Every other silent vowel
has an apostrophe on it, Liam.

Yeah. But the thing is,
that makes it a possessive noun, Tony.

-A what?
-Like it belongs

to someone called Bed.
As in Mr Bed's Beds.

- Shall I buy "Bed's"?
- No, I'm not trying

to shortchange you, Tony.
I have a spare apostrophe here

I'm more than happy
to bring down to you.

It's just it
doesn't really belong in the sign.

I mean beds is just beds.

Oh, no, now, Liam,
I won't be having that.

- They are not just beds...
- Little something for sir.

Tables, wardrobes...

Has this been through
the wash?

Don't pretend
you care.

Nobody's coming into the shop

because I've
scrimped on the sign. - Okay, yeah.

All right. B-E-D apostrophe S.

- I'll see you then, Tony.
- And a full stop.

But Mam, she put makeup on me.

She was probably just trying
to spruce you up a bit.

She wasn't doing
it to be nice, Mam. She was doing it to be mean.

She took advantage
of me when she knew the wits about me were sleepy.

She's evil, that girl.
Pure evil. Like, er...

- Like Skeletor.
- Ah. Here we go. Shh.

Hi, there.
My name is Jennifer Bakewell.

I'm your Weight Wishers
instructors instructor.

So it's like
Weight Watchers, yeah?

But more
competitively priced, though.

Mmm!

- What are you talking about?
- My new career.

Food. What's it all about?

How can something so delicious
make us feel so very, very ugly and fat?

Does Dad know
about this nonsense? - Yes. Dad is aware of it.

The only weight
this family needs to lose

is the 10-stone witch
who shares my bedroom.

Look, Martin. If you'd just
got up a bit earlier and washed your face,

this never
would have happened.

Why do you need
so much time in bed, anyway?

Ah, Debra,
would you leave him alone?

He was probably
just playing with himself.

It's only natural, Martin.

Playing with myself?
How do they know I was playing with myself?

Whelan, Staunton, Dalglish...

Oh, and he scores!
And the crowd go crazy.

Oh, and he scores again. Yes!

Since Martin stayed up
all night drawing and playing with himself,

he needed to maintain
the length of his sleep-ins.

But he also needed
time in the morning to check his face for makeup.

What to do?
It was quite the pickle.

The only solution was to
somehow shorten his nine-minute commute to school.

But how?
And then it struck him.

- Ow! Me head.
- The wall!

The school wall ran
right behind the Moone house.

So Martin realised
that all he had to do

was hop over the little wall
every morning

and he'd be in plenty of time.
Free of ridicule and rouge.

Now all he needed
was a little support from his imaginary friend

to overcome his
crippling vertigo.

You think I can
make this jump? - I wouldn't have thought so.

I think I can make it.
I'm a very strong jumper.

Oh, you're
an accomplished athlete. Can't argue with that.

I just don't think
you've got the balls for a jump like that.

What's wrong with my balls?
My balls are perfectly normal.

Yeah, let's not go
down that road.

It's more like
an attitude thing that I'm talking about, buddy.

You've always been a bit
"safety first", you know?

Take your choice
of imaginary friend, for example.

What's your point, beard-face?

Hey, you created me, princess.

And I can
destroy you like that.

Yeah, that gesture carries a
little more weight when your fingers actually click.

Point being, you
gave me my name. - Sean Murphy.

An excellent name.

Most common name in Ireland,
but let's not hang on that.

You also gave me
my middle name.

Caution! Sean "Caution" Murphy.

As in "Careful who
you're messing with, fool!"

- Caution!
- Yeah.

Remind me.
Who is Padraic's imaginary friend?

Legendary wrestler,
Crunchie "Danger" Haystacks.

Danger!

You hear what I'm saying?

Padraic would have
already made this jump

carrying Crunchie "Danger"
Haystacks on his back like a Thundercat, no doubt.

Whereas here you are,
bickering with a man wearing ladies' shoes.

Why are you
wearing high heels? - An excellent question.

I am
a bit "safety first".

And so it was that
sleepyhead "safety first" Moone resigned himself

to a life of
mocking head voices.

♪ Do you
really want to hurt me ♪

All right, Madonna?

I kinda like it.

-Or did he?
- Feck off, wall!

Hi-ya! Yeah.

Lovely man, your dad. Huh?
Lovely man. Terrible builder.

It's not the size
of a man's balls that's important, buddy.

It's the direction
they're swinging in.

Mr Gorbachev,
tear down this wall! -

I'd let him tag me anytime.

You're probably
asking yourself,

"Aren't you just
an affordable version of Weight Watchers?"

And in many ways we are.

So she's up in
Longford now. Ooh-la-la.

Living with him, most likely,
like the manky cat that got the cream.

Doesn't care who gets hurt.
Slapper, do you know?

Slapper, yeah.

Our plan has never been
clinically tested,

so it's fresher,
too, and braver. Let's start with the basics.

Why can't they just
weigh themselves at home?

But she'll get hers, no doubt.

Probably in the shape of some
unpleasant rash on her undercarriage.

Mmm, undercarriage rash, yeah.

Strip down and discover the
hard truth amongst friends.

What can you do?

- She's me sister, you know?
- Hmm.

Your own home
would be an ideal spot for a weighing party.

Away from prying,
mocking eyes.

Martin Moone planned
to remove small pieces of the wall every day

so that his clueless parents
might not notice it disappear

from right under
their stupid noses.

What the hell is
he doing out there?

And then, within hours,
they began to burst through the Eastern blockade.

Wouldn't mind having a go
on your eastern blockade.

"A go"?
You wouldn't mind "a go"?

That's lovely, Liam.
I'm working here. - Oh, yeah.

Your fat
instruction course thing.

I know what it's called.

- What's it called?
- What's what called?

Liam, what is the name
of the weight loss class

I'm going to be
an instructor of?

- The...
- No.

- You didn't let me finish.
- It doesn't start with "The".

- Fattest Fools?
- No.

- Greedy Gobs?
- No.

- Chubby Club?
- Do you really think

- it's called The Chubby Club?
- I didn't say "The".

Oh, I knew it.

- This is so disappointing.
- What is?

They all said you
wouldn't support my new career.

- Who's "they"?
- And now you've just proved them right.

I take it seriously.
I am more than happy to starve

the arses off
the flab foundation.

Believe me.
I am supportive, I am.

So we could use the workshop
for a class, then?

- My workshop?
- No, Liam, the second workshop

that I keep in the back pocket
of my feckin' tennis shorts.

- You own tennis shorts?
- Can we use it?

Deb, that's my place of work.

And then it would also be
my place of work.

Yeah, but come on,
they're not the same thing.

Meaning your career
is more important than mine?

Yeah.

Right.

- Weight Wishers.
- Wish away.

What?

Ah. No.

- Mmm.
- Balls.

The wall was first
constructed by the GDR in August, 1961

and was officially referred
to as the "Anti-Fascist Protection Rampart".

You're a rampart.

Martin turned out to be
quite a resourceful little runt.

That's it, buddy. Just the
right combination of destruction and caution.

I mean, what other man could
possibly achieve so much with so few tools?

Maybe there's one.

- Would you like to dance?
- It would be my pleasure.

♪ I've been looking for freedom

♪ I've been looking so long

♪ I've been looking for freedom

What a knob-bucket.

♪ Still the search goes on

♪ I've been looking for freedom

♪ Since I left my home town

♪ I've been looking for freedom

♪ Still it can't be found

So, ladies, what we have here
is a picture of our good carbs,

our bad carbs
and our ugly carbs.

Well, now, that would be
things like spaghetti, French toast...

We know it's French
because it's smoking.

♪ I've been looking for freedom

♪ Still the search goes on

♪ I've been looking for freedom

♪ Since I left my home town

♪ I've been looking for freedom

♪ Still it can't be found ♪

You know, some might say
that breaking down a wall

just to shorten
your commute to school is pretty reckless.

- You've changed, kid.
- We've all changed, Mr Murphy.

Nice shoes, by the way.

Hey!

Martin,
will you get up out of bed?

Who's in there?

Oh.

Well, you're still going to be
late for school, loser.

You know what, Sinead?
If you spent more time

on your own makeup
and less on mine,

maybe you wouldn't look like
such a scabby old spinster.

In 1989,
Martin's favourite TV show was Dynasty.

Actually, I'm done.

That morning,
our wall-smashing little hero made it to school

after a stationary breakfast
and totally makeup-free,

with four whole
minutes to spare.

So, the whole school's
talking about your wall exploits.

They've started calling you
the Dozy Bulldozer.

So you're not doing
the makeup thing any more?

- No.
- That's cool. Whatever.

I need to go do a wee.

With the fall of the wall,
people began to pass

from East Boyle to West Boyle
with gay abandon.

And back again,
with even gayer abandon.

I'd just be worried

that the sort of people
that you're talking about,

that they might fall through
and kill everybody below them, you know?

No, no,
I understand. Yeah.

If it's a weak ceiling,
it's really not worth the risk.

I mean, it's fairly weak,
and they're big people, aren't they?

Okay, thanks.

It's not like
they'd be jumping up and down.

And as cross-border
traffic soared, so did Martin's popularity.

- Hey, Wrecking Ball.
- Hey, Alan Ball.

♪ I wanna be
your sledgehammer ♪

Oh, well, actually,
I just used a chisel, but thanks, pal.

Love that tune.

What the...

All right.

- You can use it.
- Really? Thanks, love.

Rebuilding a wall seems like
a job for a weight-loss group, right?

Huh?

Turns out Martin's
parents' noses weren't quite as stupid as he assumed.

Martin, what happened
to the wall?

Well, I don't know. It must be
natural erosion, like an oxbow lake.

Please don't compare
the serenity of an oxbow lake

to your blatant vandalism.

Look, Mam, I'm not
pointing fingers or anything,

but that wall
was pretty shoddy to begin with.

Whoa, whoa, I built that wall.

Stop right there.
What do you think you're doing?

Sure this is public
access, isn't it?

You're climbing
through a wall.

What sort of public access
has a wall in the middle of it?

Good point.

You really should get rid
of the rest of that wall, missus.

Health and Safety, you know?

See you later, Dozy Bulldozer.

Martin, you need to
make this right.

This place is like a bloody
dual carriageway.

Oh, come on now.

You need to fix the wall.

I can't fix a wall, woman.
I'm just a child.

Look, don't worry, pal.
We'll rebuild it together.

The two lads, eh?
Butch and Sundance build a wall.

- Just like they did in the film.
- Yeah.

- Give us a hand, will you?
- Oh, for fu...

Weight Wishers?
Drop a dress size, keep them interested.

With the weighing
space secured, Debra hit the streets of Boyle,

spreading her
nutritional gospel with her appetite apostles.

Like to lose some weight?

This is a bit more like it.
Weight Wishers, drop the weight.

Here, I'll slip it
in your pocket. Look at that.

Hey. How long has he been
on his break now? An hour?

Unbelievable.

- Butch and Sundance, my hole.
- Yeah.

Well, the important thing is
that you're doing a really shoddy job.

Oh, the shoddiest. I'm hoping
it'll fall down on the lot of 'em.

This is boring.
We're literally watching cement dry.

You know what Padraic and his
imaginary friend are doing about now?

No.

Neither do I,
but I bet it involves sharks.

And some kind of
unicorn battle.

It's unbelievable.

David, why did you want to
come exactly here to the Brandenburg Gate?

One year ago, we came looking
for freedom. And it was a dream...

Actor, singer,
Knight Rider, Germany-unifier...

I really hope he
plays the keyboard on his scarf.

Hey, I wouldn't swap this
for the world, though. You know?

The two lads.
Butch and Sundance watch cement dry.

Yeah. Actually, that's something
I just do with my dad.

That whole Butch
and Sundance thing. - Oh, yeah.

That...
That's cool.

Right. It's just... Yep.

Well, this is...
This is pretty awkward now.

I thought you might
like a cup of tea.

Oh.

Thanks, love.

Maybe next week, huh?

Yeah.

That thing in
Berlin is on the telly if you want to watch it.

Hmm.

David Hasselhoff is performing.

No.

Oh, yeah.

- The price of freedom.
- Yeah.

♪ One morning in June,
some 20 years ago...

Him being there really makes
the whole wall thing worthwhile.

♪ I've been
looking for freedom

♪ I've been looking so long

♪ I've been
looking for freedom...

Do you wanna do
the dance again?

♪ Still it can't be found

♪ I've been
looking for freedom

♪ I've been looking so long

They said
the Weight Wishers class

was just through...
What the feck is this?

- So much for the shortcut.
- We could just walk around the long way.

Walking? No way, Jose.

Let's just leave it, will we?

Yeah. Probably best.

♪ Still can't be found

♪ Can't be found ♪