Original subtitles

[moaning]

[moaning increases]

[giggling]

[indistinct chatter]

[giggling]

[indistinct laughter and chatter]

[giggling]

[horn honks]

[electronic game chimes]

-Christ. -[electronic game voice giggles]

Do you think that's funny, chiphead?

You know I could pull your battery and kill you.

So don't be cocky.

[game beeps]

[game giggles]

27-0-7 to control.

[control] Control 27-0-7.

Yes, message check.

I'm waiting for a friendly named Freddie. He's a no-show.

Is there any call-ins coming in?

[control] Control 27-0-7, no messages.

All right, ten-four. I have a request to open a phone channel?

Patch me through to 5-5-5, 3-3-1-2 please.

[control] Calling your girlfriend to tell her you'll be late

is not nonessential communications.

You should know that by now, 27-0-7.

-Clear. -[call disconnects]

Clear. Ten-four. Thanks for nothing, Control.

[muttering] Yeah. This is great.

Ahh! Damn it!

Love is blind.

-Hi! -[both] Ahh!

Police! This is an emergency.

I have to use your phone. I saw the phone antenna.

Sorry about the upholstery.

Just pretend I'm not here, okay? I'll be a second.

Hundred dollar bottle of champagne? She's worth it.

Goddamn, the machine's on, you know?

-You have a machine? I hate machines. -Yeah...

-You got a Kleenex? -Yeah, right here. That's it.

Hi, Tracy. Yeah, it's Dooley.

Look, just called to let you know that I'm gonna be a little late...

-[helicopter whirring] -What's that?

I gotta go, honey.

Well, it's not the Eye Witness News Team.

I think someone's mad at me.

Definitely, someone is mad at me.

[indistinct chatter]

[man] Woo! Hey, Dooley!

[indistinct shouting]

-Byers, I need a car. -Can I ask you something?

Later. Please, I need a car. Mine blew up.

Just one question, one question.

How many cops use their day off finding ways to get their asses shot off?

-I was setup. -How many?

Look, I got him, okay?

I'm this close, Rog. I got Lyman.

Give me a number. How many? I want to write it down.

All right, fifty million.

Lyman's moving fifty million.

This is the big one, Rog, and I got him.

Mike, you don't have dick on Lyman!

What you've got is a wet suit, a bad attitude and a blown up car!

Yeah, that's right. That's what I told you, I need a car.

Fine. You want a car, take a partner. It's a two for one deal.

-No, I'm not taking a partner. -Davis. Take Davis.

-Davis hates me! -Okay. Spencer. How about Spencer.

-I hate Spencer. -You know the roster. Pick somebody.

-Lydecker. He's a good man. -Lydecker's dead.

That's why I like him. Doesn't slow me down.

Rog, fifty million.

Fifty million and Lyman.

-Fifty million. -Yes.

Listen, smartass, how do you know that there's a shipment coming in?

High-tuned cop sense. You remember that, Rog.

That's something you used to have, remember?

Before you became a paper-pushing pansy.

Paper-pushing pansy, I like that.

Paper-pushing pansy. Can you say that five times real quick?

-Paper-pushing pansy-- -You're pathetic. Do you know that?

You're just jealous because I made Lieutenant before you did.

You're right. You're right. That's... I'm green with envy

because I'd love to spend my days here

with my lips locked to the Commissioner's butt!

-Screw you, Dooley! -Right now, Roger! Come on, take it now!

-Don't push me, Dooley! -Take your best shot!

You did it. You hit me.

I don't, I don't believe you hit me.

-Do I get the car? -You gonna take a partner?

-No. -You don't get the car.

Okay, that's fine.

I don't need your help. I'll take Lyman alone.

[peppy music playing]

Honey?

Sweetheart?

[calling] Trace?

Trace? I know you're mad and you have every right to be.

I know tonight was supposed to be special.

I mean, the wine, the garlic chicken which is my favorite.

Scalloped potatoes, the peas.

The peas! Even though I hate peas,

they're good for me and that shows me that you care, honey.

I know I'm three hours late, and I am.

-And I won't try and say it... -Hi.

-Huh, Hi... Hi. -[Chad] Hi.

-This is Chad, Mike. -Chad.

Yes, Chad.

He's a friend of mine from work. Works for PanAm.

Ah, one of those baggage handler type guys?

No, not exactly. More like one of those, pilot kinda guys.

Honey, you're a book editor. How'd you meet smiling Jack here?

Well, he's also written three best sellers.

Books? Manuals? Uh...

-Yeah, look... -Instruction kind of thing?

I got an early flight in the morning. Maybe I should just...

-[Tracy] Yeah, thanks for the movie, Chad. -Anytime.

We'll have dinner when I get back from Hong Kong. The three of us.

Wow, what a night that'll be.

-Good night. -[Tracy] Good night.

[Dooley] Good night, Chad.

You're dating? That was a date?

He's a friend. We went to the movies.

-Do me a favor. -Mike.

Do me a favor. When you go to the movies,

go to the movies with ugly guys.

-Ugly guys with shitty jobs. -You have a shitty job.

That's right. Do you see what I mean? I thought we were perfect for each other.

Why didn't you wait for me?

Because if I lived my life around your schedule, I'd go nuts!

I'd be a clock tower sniper in a month.

I mean, it's hard enough for me knowing that making a bust's

more important to you than making time for me.

Now, I love you, Mike,

but I can't count on you so I do what I have to do.

Eat your peas, they're good for you.

You know, I'm onto something big.

You always are.

It's Lyman, I think I got him scared.

He tried to kill me tonight.

That's just what I wanted to hear. I feel so much better now.

Look, look, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to say, honey?

I'll say it, whatever you want me to say.

It's not what you say, it's what I know. I know what's important to you.

It's not me. It's, the next bust or the next shipment,

or the next South American cheeseball. Now I know that.

Now I either have to deal with that or find some other way to live my life.

All right, look, if you hate it so much, just move out!

Just take your shoes and move out!

I own this house. You moved in with me.

That's right. That's right.

I was wondering how I could afford such a nice place.

It's really... It's so tasteful.

It's very nice. You did a very nice job.

Oh, forget it for now.

I know verbal skills aren't your strong point.

Oh, yeah, what are my strong points?

-No, not those either. -Oh, you're a liar.

-You're a bragger. -Bragger?

[phone ringing]

Hello. Dooley.

Got an address on Freddie, huh?

Naw, give it to me.

Uh-huh.

No, no, no black and whites. I don't want to scare him.

Uh-huh.

No, no...

[electronic game beeps]

-[Dooley] Oh! -[game giggles]

I missed it.

[game beeping]

Got a... Oh!

Hi, que pasa, where you been?

Bitch of a night. Why ain't you at home in bed with your old lady?

-Why aren't you? -Deliverin' your pizza, man.

-Cheese and mushroom? -Like always.

-Here. Seven right? -Yeah.

-How about a napkin? -How about a tip?

Cold Goddamn pizza!

Gotta get a microwave in here.

Hey! You just ran a stop sign!

Good morning.

[brakes squealing]

[crashing]

Hey, Freddie, my man!

This can't be happening. Oh, this can't be happening.

Oh, no? You thought I was dead, huh? Surprised to see me. You set me up!

I didn't do anything!

Yeah, well then, what are you running from?

I need the exercise.

Exercise? I can help you there, Freddie.

You know, this whole jogging thing, I just don't get it.

Dooley, what the hell are you doing?

But then again, if you don't run,

you miss those precious aerobic benefits.

Make a right hand signal for me, will you?

-Thank you. Now, Freddie... -Come on, Dooley, what are you doing?

-Names, Freddie, I need names. -I don't know!

Do you know who I like? Edwin Moses.

-Oh, come on. -He's a great hurdler, do you know that.

-Come on, buddy, come on, jump! -No, no, no!

To be the best, you gotta go!

-Jesus, Dooley! -Come on, buddy, up, up!

Okay, okay, they were dealers.

-Dealers? Watch that pole! -Oooh!

You don't want to piss off AT&T!

Tell me the names of the dealers! Woo-hoo!

-Names, Freddie. -I don't know.

-Was it Lyman? -I don't know. I swear to you.

Benny the Mule paid me. He was the trigger man.

-Yeah? -Jesus, Dooley, what are you doing?

[Dooley] Oh, you got those slipper Italian shoes, huh?

-[Freddie panting] -That's too bad.

[Dooley] I'm gonna ignore that sign there, I think we qualify for a carpool.

[Freddie] Dooley, you're gonna kill me!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

All right, all right. You busted a big shipment of their coke.

[Dooley] Now, I wanna know, are they moving some more stuff in?

They're moving a lot more stuff in, aren't they, Freddie?

What? Huh? Come on, give it to me straight, Freddie.

Come on! I want it straight!

[panting] All right, all right.

[panting] We had a meeting at a warehouse.

Fifth and Presidio.

TransWorld Shipping, something like that.

You better be right, buddy.

Because I'm gonna tell you.

I don't wanna waste my afternoon searching.

You'll waste a lifetime searching this place.

-Yeah? -It's huge!

You could hide the Goodyear Blimp in there.

Better have a hell of a nose.

Yeah, yeah, right. I guess I'll have to.

-Hey, what am I supposed to do? -Drive slow, don't pass.

[on loudspeaker] This is Sergeant Young of the San Diego Police department.

I want you to put your weapon down, put your hands behind your head,

and come out of the building through the front door.

This is Sergeant Young of the San Diego police department.

Put your weapon down, put your hands behind your head

and come out the front door.

[Dooley] What's the deal?

It just started. We busted a buy down the block.

They took off, we grabbed one of them, the other two, in there.

-[Dooley] Is Brannigan up there? -[cop] Yeah.

Hey, Brannigan. Brannigan.

Brannigan, come here, I need a favor.

I'm busy, Dooley.

Look, I need one of your land sharks here.

Hey, they got a gig.

Hey, I only need him for a couple hours, man.

Come on, give me the dog. I gotta have a dog now.

-I can't spare a handler. -Did I say anything about a handler?

I'll do it myself.

Come on, these dogs ain't gonna listen to you.

That's just because they don't know me.

They don't have to know you. You're a maniac.

They don't trust maniacs. Maniacs get them killed. Forget it.

Look, Brannigan. Come on, come on. I've got this sweet bust going down,

but I need the jump on it right now. I need the dog.

You think you have problems?

I've got to take my wife and kids on vacation.

I don't care about your wife and kids.

I've got a plane to catch in three hours.

-A plane? -Yeah, but I ain't gonna get the plane...

'Cause I gotta wait here for the SWAT team.

All right, if I can get you on that plane in three hours can I have the dog?

My wife's gonna...

Can I have the dog if I can get you on the plane?

-Oh, come on. -You're airborne, you're airborne.

I'll get you on the plane. Get me a dog.

You get me on a plane you can marry the goddamn dog.

-You got it. -Goddamn lunatic.

Who's this guy? What do we got here?

[grunts]

Nice hairnet. Did you steal that from your mom?

[man swears]

Now, now, now, be nice.

Gold card? Haven't we had a good year?

Hey, we're closed.

I don't care, I need a car.

Fine. Take the convertible.

$79.95 a day.

What so you mean? The sign says 19.95.

Sorry, we're all outta those.

What do you mean? You got twenty of them out there.

-They're reserved. -For who?

Not you.

All right, give me the next cheapest one.

$79.95.

Okay, that's fine. Come on.

That doesn't include tax and mileage.

That's all right, put that on the bill, I don't care.

And insurance. I want some insurance.

Insurance?

Oh, yeah, I want the whole ball. I want collision, liability,

medical, flood, fire, theft.

You got earthquake insurance?

-Whole life. -Whole life is fine. Put that on there.

-Okay, what's that come to? -$267.90.

Round it to 300. Put it on the gold card.

Yes, sir.

-Hey, this is a beautiful car. -Yes, sir. Top of the line!

I'm a top of the line kind of guy.

I just want you to know I'm gonna put you down on our preferred customer list!

-Yes, definitely. -Great.

Actually, I think you're a Gold Key man.

Absolutely. That means you can rent one of these suckers anywhere by phone.

And they come with discount tickets to Sea World.

-Right. -It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

Oh, hey, do you need a map?

[car honking]

Hit the floor! Now!

[indistinct shouting]

Narcotics? Party of 12.

-[Brannigan] Are you sure you want to do this? -Oh...

I don't think you know what you're getting into.

Come on, Brannigan, I've watched you guys work for years.

You don't have to be a Harvard graduate. They're just dogs.

Right.

Where the hell is this dog, anyway? Mexico?

-They wouldn't take him. -What's wrong with him?

I didn't say there was anything wrong with him.

-Come on, Brannigan. -Got a few personality quirks.

-You should relate to that. -Wait a minute. Hold it.

He's not a retard, is he?

Hey, Dooley, this dog has seen more action than me and you put together.

Maybe a little too much. He's a little stressed out.

-What do you mean by that? -Well, nothing.

It just that he's peculiar from time to time.

Peculiar?

How come he's back here?

He's not real social.

Put this on.

-What's with this stuff? -It ain't a fashion statement.

Hey, I don't need this stuff, Brannigan.

Procedure. Everybody wears it. Put it on.

You know, this is a waste of time.

Why don't you just let the dog sniff me a couple of times.

I'll give him some yummies and we're outta here.

Put it on. Let me ask you something.

Do you know anything about animals?

-Yeah, man, what's there to know? -Did you ever have a pet?

-I had plenty of pets. -What kind?

-Plenty. -Like what?

-You know, pets. -Like what?

Fish! I had fish!

Fish. Come on, let's go.

It's a pet! It's a companion.

That's the most loyal animal I ever knew.

You ready?

-Siamese fighting fish! -All right, let's go.

-I feel like the Michelin Man. -Well, I don't know, it's kind of you!

[Brannigan] Let's get on the hat.

Jerry Lee?

-The Killer. -What is... What is this?

You mean I gotta fence the dog?

Tell me something, Brannigan.

How come if everyone has to wear one of these suits, you're not wearing one?

Because I ain't going in there.

-[Dooley] Where the hell is he? -He's in there.

I'm getting a full-sized dog here now, aren't I?

Jerry Lee, you got company. Up and at 'em. Come on, boy.

[Jerry Lee grunts and growls]

[Brannigan] Jerry Lee, you got visitors.

Come on, up and at 'em, Jerry Lee. Come on.

[panting]

[growls]

[growls]

Are you sure this dog here can track down drugs?

Yeah.

I don't know, Brannigan, looks like he's on them.

[Brannigan] Just give him a command. He'll jump to it.

Aw, come on. Sure.

[Dooley] Hey, pup.

Kill! Ahh!

[snarls]

[Brannigan] Well, I think, 'here, boy' might have been better.

I'm hip!

[Brannigan] He's a little crazy when he first wakes up.

Yeah, I know.

[snarling loudly]

-What do we do now? -Breakfast.

[Jerry Lee barks]

Yeah, breakfast. Great idea.

Ah, there he is. Best nose on the force.

He could stick that snout in the wind right now

and lead you to a stash in the middle of Tijuana.

Look, I gotta be right up front with you.

-I got a bad feeling about this dog. -Hey, tough shit.

-That's all I got. -No, no, you got a lot of dogs over there.

Why can't I have one of those?

Hey, when you do things outside the rules, you take what you can get.

Now, I want you to take real good care of him.

-Don't worry about your dog. -It ain't the dog I'm worried about.

What is that, chili he's eating?

-Yeah. -What kind of animal eats chili?

Hey, different strokes.

-Do I have to wear this suit all day? -Yeah.

Come on, Brannigan, I have to drive. I can't drive in this thing.

Just hang it up on your way out.

Come on, Jerry Lee.

Come on. Come on.

[Jerry Lee burps]

[Brannigan] Hey, Dooley...

-Good luck. -Yeah. Thanks.

[peppy music playing]

All right, come on.

[grunts]

Let's go! In the car, up! Come on!

[panting]

All right, get in the back.

[growls]

Jump in the back seat now!

All right, look, don't test me, because I'm going to win.

[Jerry Lee whines]

[growls]

It's okay. Fine. Okay.

[music continues]

You better do exactly what I tell you to do.

Otherwise I'm gonna kick your butt.

[grunts]

Brannigan's doing a number on me, I can smell it.

All right, listen up here.

San Diego P.D. Narcotics Division.

I want everyone to stay right where you are.

Listen... Hold it right... Stop.

You stop right here.

San Diego Police Department, narcotics.

Lift me up, I want to talk to these people. Come on.

San Diego P.D., Narcotics Division.

Now, there are drugs in this warehouse,

I know it, and you know it.

And this dog is going to find them.

Unless you cheeseballs want to save me some time and tell me where it is.

No? All right, suit yourself.

Bring me down.

All right. I want you all to pay attention.

This is a highly trained vicious canine police dog.

So don't get in his way.

This dog is programmed to viciously attack anyone who may pose a threat,

or is an obstacle to this detail!

Jerry Lee, come.

Jerry Lee, come!

[sighing]

[workers laughing]

All right, go.

Search. Sniff.

Sniff.

[laughing]

[sniffing]

Just find the damn dope!

[barking]

"Find the damn dope," that's the command?

Just stay there.

[upbeat music playing]

[barking]

Detective Dooley!

-Lyman. -Who's the bitch?

[Dooley] You wanna watch your profanity around my dog?

[snarling]

Is that the way you talk to those high-society friends of yours, Lyman?

Hey, nice ride you got there.

Black is hard to keep clean.

Well, I didn't expect to see you today.

But, you know what, it works out great.

Do you know why?

'Cause now I don't have to drive all the way across town to haul your ass in.

-Hey, is that a CD player? -Dooley...

What is it about me that get you so passionate?

Well, it ain't your looks, Lyman. I think it's your job.

And knowing your frontier approach to law enforcement,

I don't assume that you have a search warrant?

Dog ate it.

You can hang around his tail and wait for an hour.

Why don't you get outta here before I call a real cop.

[barking]

Why don't you call your lawyer, Lyman?

There are drugs in this warehouse.

[barking excitedly]

This dog went for this door without being keyed.

That'll give me a warrant and that'll hold up in any court.

[speaking Spanish]

[employee] It was just one joint, man.

It's just one joint.

[Lyman] One joint?

Are you gonna haul this drug lord in or do we just execute him on the spot?

-This thing isn't over. -I'm afraid it is.

You see, I'm gonna get a restraining order

and you're not gonna be able to come within five miles of me.

Hey, you get whatever you want, it's not gonna stop me.

Jerry Lee? Come.

[barking]

Jerry Lee?

Come on, now! Come on.

[barking]

Buenas nachos.

One joint! You found one lousy joint!

[dog groaning]

You know, you're small time, do you know that? I need a real dog is what I need.

Benji. I'm takin' you... I got one more stop and then I'm takin' you back.

One joint!

Police dog! You just stay put.

This is a job for a real cop.

[dog groaning]

[shouting]

[clamoring]

Yeah? What for ya?

Me?

Health inspector. Looks pretty good, I like it.

Yep... Looks pretty good.

Well, I guess it's that time o' day, huh?

Feels like happy hour to me.

Do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna buy all the boys a drink.

Uh-huh.

And give me, uh, whatever you got that's, you know, diet.

Shooters?

Shooters for the boys. Give 'em some shooters.

Afternoon shooters. Boy. I like those.

Oh, you got that, uh, pickled pig's feet, that looks pretty good.

So, how you guys doin' today? Did you have a good day?

Lookin' good.

Yeah. Hey, cheers, huh?

Mmm. I'll tell ya, on a hot day there's nothin' like a warm diet pop.

Give 'em another round here.

Ah.

You know, maybe you guys can help me out here.

I'm lookin' for this buddy o' mine, I used to play checkers with.

We were really tight.

We used to come in this place long time ago,

even before you guys were here.

I miss that crazy son-of-a-bitch, you know?

I was thinkin' about him the other day. What the hell was his name?

He's got a funny nickname. Kinda like, uh, like...

Like Kermit the Frog, but not, you know?

It was like, Benny. Benny the Mule.

-How come you wanna know about the Mule? -[Benny] 'Cause he's a cop.

I usually don't get a second shot at somebody like you.

[grunting]

You know, you made a big mistake.

This ain't a good place to be a cop.

Well, if I caught you at a bad time, I can always come back later.

[chuckles]

Yeah, you know, Dooley, I could shoot ya.

That'd be too easy on you and it wouldn't be any fun for me.

No, I think I'll just beat the shit outta you!

[barking]

-What the hell is that? -[growling]

That's Officer Lewis.

San Diego K-9. You're all under arrest!

So line up against the wall. Put your hands above your head,

-and spread 'em! -Hey, we give up.

[laughing]

Listen, I'm not kiddin'.

Hey, listen, I'm tellin' ya.

One command outta me, he's gonna rip your throats out.

Line up against that wall!

I'm scared shitless, how about you guys?

[men laughing]

Get back. Get outta here!

[barks]

-You're a hard guy, huh? -[growling]

[growling]

[barking]

[screaming]

[clamoring]

-[barking] -[yelling]

Ah!

[growling]

Could you call off your dog?

I'm sorry, what?

Could you call off your dog?

[growling continues]

Well, I don't know, Benny, that depends on you.

Listen, that, that hit was nothin' personal. It was just a job.

-Who contracted the hit, Benny? -I don't know. I never...

-I never saw the guy. -No?

Come on, don't get cute with me, Benny.

This dog hasn't eaten since lunch yesterday.

I'm tellin' ya the truth.

I don't know any names. They never gave me any.

They didn't mention anything about, like,

a shipment o' drugs comin' in?

-Did he say anything about that? -[growling]

I don't know nothin'!

-Bite his dick off. -No! No! Wait! No! Whoa!

I know. Okay, there is a shipment. I forgot.

But it ain't goin' near the streets. It's all goin' to one buyer.

I don't know who it is.

-Lunch time! -No, no, I know! All right, all right, I know.

I know who it is. I know who it is.

It's this dude named Gilliam.

Big-timer. He's comin' in tomorrow.

Hotel Del Coronado. He's lookin' to score large.

-That's it. -[sirens approaching]

You sure?

Okay. I bust a couple o' cars every now and then.

And before I became a shooter I was in a couple o' gay biker snuff films.

Now whatta you want from me?

You should be disgusted with yourself, Benny. Okay, Jerry.

-Come. -[barks]

Have this guy arrested for attempted murder

and the rest of 'em for cruelty to animals.

[barks]

You did all right. It was okay.

That wasn't too bad.

But I want you to know that I am the officer in charge here.

Michael Dooley not Jerry Lee!

Don't you ever, ever pull anything like that again...

Without talkin' to me first!

-You lost it in there, you know that? -[groaning]

You lost control! We could'a' gotten killed.

I needed you back here.

What if they ran out? You could'a' got 'em here!

Do you understand?

[whining]

[sighs]

-Get in the back seat. -[whines]

-You stink. -[whines]

This car stinks, you know that?

[whines]

If we're gonna be spendin' some time together,

I gotta deodorize your mangy little ass.

[groans]

Tracy's gonna kick you and me both out.

She kind of a neat person. You'll like her.

[groans]

Okay, it's time you joined the civilized world, buddy.

Now what we have here is some dry shampoo.

We can do it right here on the spot.

We got some doggie deodorant here.

[growling]

"Your dog will smell like cedar chips all day long."

Just like the champions, huh?

Come on, get outta the car, we'll do it.

[yipping]

Come on, I'm doin' you a favor. You smell like shit!

[growling]

You lack personal hygiene, do you understand that?

Here, come on, this is not bad stuff. Smell this.

Now listen...

[can hisses]

Hey, gimme that!

All right, if that's the way you want it, that's the way you're gonna have it.

[peppy music playing]

You look good.

[growling]

Dry him off very good, boys. Buff up that beak. Yeah.

Hey, extra dollar for a hot wax, right?

Armor-All him for me.

[laughing]

You smell good, but not like cedar chips.

[snarls]

Well, I guess that concludes today's lesson on "don't screw with Michael Dooley."

Class is dismissed.

[barks]

[chewing]

[crunching]

[groans]

[groaning]

[snarls]

That's all right. That was worth it.

[Lyman] So, you wanna tell me why I was talkin' to a dead man this afternoon?

We had no way o' knowin' that that guy wasn't in the car.

Yeah, that's because you were in a helicopter.

What kind o' bullshit is that?

Choppers, machine guns.

Who do you guys think you are, the Marines?

And you...

Why didn't you come to me?

Haven't I always taken care of you?

And you pay me back by sending the law to my warehouse.

I didn't tell him nothin'!

I don't know how he found out about that!

[Benny] Come on, I'd never roll on you guys.

I'm worried.

This guy Dooley's crazy.

[Lyman] Yeah, crazy.

[chuckling]

Well, I'll tell you somethin', Freddie.

You wouldn't be in this position if these piss-ants had done their job.

Do you wanna know how to kill a man?

Well, I'll tell you how to kill a man.

You forget this high-tech stuff.

You get a gun and then you find the man.

And you grab him.

Put the gun to his head. And you send his brains into outer space.

[laughing]

How about that, huh?

Yeah. It's my nephew's.

It's a toy.

This one's real.

Now...

This Dooley's already into me for one shipment.

I don't want him to get the next one, do you understand?

He's dead.

Oh, yeah, he's dead, he's dead. Don't tell me he's dead.

I want it done right this time.

I want it finished with this... Cop.

Clean this up.

Trace?

Honey?

Tracy?

I'm late. I'm late. I know I'm late. I know I'm late.

We missed the ballet tonight, didn't we?

And you know how I love the ballet.

Love it! I... Oh, you got the flowers?

I, I didn't know that.

Yeah, you owe me $45. They came C.O.D.

[panting]

Did you know that you have an animal growing out of your pants?

Thank you, honey. I also have a dog here.

[groaning]

Why is it among us?

That's the reason I'm late.

You see, I was racing home trying to get here to pick you up for the ballet,

and I passed this window and there he was.

Just sitting there lookin' a little lonely, a little helpless.

I hadda pick him up, honey. Do you like him?

-He's very sweet. -He is, isn't he?

-Does he have a name? -Uh-uh.

I, I think we should think of one together.

-Well, how about D... -Jerry. Jerry's a good name.

Yeah, Jerry, that's great.

-[whining] -Does he do any tricks?

Naw, I didn't, uh, have too much time to work with him.

-Can you speak? -[barks]

Oh, good boy. Gimme a kiss.

Ooooh. Oh, you're a good puppy dog, huh?

-You're a sweetheart. -Ass kisser.

Oh, yeah, sure, I mean I taught those tricks.

Those are nothing. Those are the easy ones.

I've been workin' on the tougher things. You know, like card tricks.

Tracy, I'm really sorry about the ballet.

I promise I'll take you out later on in the season,

you know, like during the play-offs.

[growling]

[growling]

-He's very protective. -Mm-hm.

Oww!

-[whines] -Come here!

Come on in the kitchen. Come on in the kitchen.

Come on in the kitchen.

-Come on, Jerry, come on. -Okay, go with Dooley.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's get somethin' to eat.

Yeah, ooh, yeah.

Now, let's get one thing straight. The woman is mine.

Now, we're both members of the animal kingdom.

You know that and I know that!

And we both know that thing is really primal!

So if you think you're such a bad-ass, you just try that one more time...

And you're gonna end up in a pet cemetery!

Do you remember the movie Old Yeller, do ya?

Remember when they shot him at the end?

I didn't cry.

-[whines] -Now, come on!

Honey, I think he needs to go outside.

Nice night. Enjoy the view.

[whining]

[howling]

-[Tracy] Do you think he's in pain? -[Dooley] Not yet.

Honey, why, why, why would he be in pain?

-[howling continues] -[neighbor] Shut that damn dog up!

Some of us are tryin' to sleep.

[Dooley sighing] I'll handle it.

[upbeat music playing]

Come on, Jerry. Are you hungry?

Little late night snack?

You know we're a couple o' smart guys, do you know that?

I like that in a dog.

She likes that in a dog. And she likes you.

But she loves me!

I just need a couple o' hours, ya understand?

Here, you hungry? T-bone. 16 ounce.

[sniffing] Mmm. Good.

It'll thaw out in a few hours. Have a ball.

[crunching]

[Dooley] I'm back, you're right.

[barking]

Jesus, he sucked that thing frozen.

-[Tracy] What? -[Dooley] Nothing, nothing.

[barking continues]

[belching]

You're tryin' to piss me off, aren't you?

You're pissin' me off!

[growling]

Come on. Come on!

[barking]

Come on! Behind you!

[growling]

[grunting]

Ow!

Come on, come here. Ow, ow, ow.

-My eye! -Dooley.

-Hi, honey. -What's going on?

I think he was just a little bit lonely. He wanted to play.

I think we should bring him into the bedroom.

No! No!

-No, I don't think so. -Oh, come on, what a good boy.

-Oh, he loves it out here. He really does. -Come on. Good boy.

Ooooh! Ah!

You're a sweetheart. You're just a real sweetheart.

Come on, Dooley!

-Oh. -[giggling]

[moaning]

[Dooley] Hey, ouch, oh.

[giggling]

[Dooley] Ow, you bit me.

[giggling]

-Stop that. You can't bite my... -[Tracy] You love it.

[Dooley] Oh.

[giggling]

[Tracy] What's the matter?

[Dooley] I can't. I can't do it.

[Tracy] Why?

[Dooley] He's watching me. I can feel his eyes.

Look at him. He's sitting there evaluating me.

He's not the one you have to impress.

[kissing]

Jesus!

Want some eggs?

No, thanks, honey. I'll catch a donut downtown.

I gotta get going, but, thank you for a helluva night.

Mm-hmm. My pleasure, and I mean that.

-I mean it, too. Good morning. -[barks]

What's the matter?

Can't take it? Huh?

Kinda grindin' you in the battle o' the wits, you're fighting unarmed?

Well, you're just a bad loser, that's all.

You gotta learn one thing.

Winning isn't everything, but losing is nothing.

[chuckles]

-Dooley? -Huh? Yeah?

Yes, ma'am.

-Aw, shit! -Exactly.

I can't believe all that came out of one animal.

[barks]

[groaning]

[upbeat music playing]

Hey, notice anything different? Huh?

Sure you do. I used to say, "get in the car," "get outta the car,"

"get in the back seat," "stay." Commands are out. This is in.

-[groaning] -There you go.

You don't wanna listen, I don't wanna talk.

All right? See you later, Bub.

[whining]

Your champagne, sir.

[Gilliam] What is this? I didn't order any champagne.

I know that, sir. It's a gift.

Well, take it back, because it must belong to somebody else.

They specifically said, "Mr. Gilliam."

I said, "get it outta here." I don't want the champagne.

-Lunch today? -Is it expensive?

Yes.

-How about a tall ice tea? -There's a minimum.

All right, then why don't you just bring me the...

-Okay. -...menu.

[woman] Good boy.

What a good dog you are.

Sit! Speak.

[dog barking]

Sit up.

Go put your ball away.

Give me some lovin'...

That's...that's... That's great.

That's really... How do you do that?

Well, first of all, you gotta give the dog a lotta love.

-A good healthy diet. -Chili.

Exercise is important, too.

You know, the key is to establish alpha leader as soon as possible.

Alpha leader? What is that?

You gotta show him who's boss. Imprint on their psyche.

I've done that. Believe me, I've done that.

What, what, what is it... Exactly?

The most effective way is stare them down.

You look straight at them and make them look away first.

-Oh, I can do that. -Even if it takes hours.

I can do that. I can do that. That's it, though... Right?

Well, after that's working then you mount them.

-Excuse me? -You mount them.

-You mount them? -Uh-huh.

-You mean... -Yeah.

Mount them.

Mount them.

Lucky dog.

Mount them.

-What are you doin' here? -Sir? Excuse me.

We don't allow dogs in the hotel.

-Well, what about her? -What about her?

-She has a dog. -No, she doesn't.

Sure she does... Whatta you call that?

The hotel owner's daughter. And the dog has to go.

Well, this is my seein' eye dog.

-You're blind? -Yes.

Then were you blind when you walked in here?

Yes, definitely.

I'm so sorry. Would you like me to read you the menu?

No, I can handle it.

Thank you.

Is that my tea?

You just ripped the mirror off of my classic 1965 Mustang.

I don't believe it. I just don't believe it.

[snarling]

[slurping]

If you don't get down, I don't care where we are,

I'm gonna pull my revolver out and shoot you.

I am the alpha leader.

I don't wanna have to have to mount you!

That'll do it!

Jerry Lee!

Excuse me, I'm blind.

I'm blind. Seeing eye dog, I'm blind. Excuse me.

I'm blind, I'm blind.

[upbeat music playing]

Incoming.

[dog barking]

You know, I don't know why you California people insist on meeting outside.

I wanted to work on my tan, I would'a' gone to the Bahamas.

I like California. It's been good to me.

Tonight is the night.

That sounds very good, but so did the last time.

Ten million bucks worth of coke gone.

That's not gonna happen again. Nobody's gonna get their hands on this!

If there's any exposure...

I don't like a nervous partner, so you better calm down,

or I'm gonna blow this whole deal and sell to somebody else.

[exclaiming]

[dog barking]

Don't threaten me, Mr. Lyman.

-I'm in threat business. -[barking]

Please don't take this the wrong way.

We need to get some details straight.

You just make sure you hold up your end.

You just make sure everything's on time.

I'm not gonna sit around and wait forever on this one.

Listen, I'm really sorry.

You don't know what's goin' on here, but you just saved my life.

[groaning]

I appreciate that.

[groaning]

Very kind of you. Thank you.

[barking]

Come here!

Whatta you want?

Get back.

Get back! Get away from me.

-[barking] -What are you talking about?

Get away from me. What?

There's nothin' in here for you. This is police stuff here.

Go away. Go away from me.

This is mine!

Leave me eat in peace, will ya?

What? What?

You can't have this! All right I'll split it with ya.

I'll split it with ya. I'll split it with ya, okay.

Go on, I said I'd split it with ya! Here! Here!

Here! Here! Take the whole goddamn thing!

Jesus!

There's all kinds of sugar in that.

Down!

[laughing loudly]

You look like you've been in a skiing accident.

You wanna drive, get a license!

Yeah!

[barking]

What?

What?

Remember I only got two legs.

[barking]

Ha!

All right, I'm comin'. I'm comin'.

Don't let that dog psyche you out.

-[barking] -I'm comin'. Shut your yap.

I'm comin'. I just want a running start before I hit the pavement.

[screaming]

[whimpers]

[crashing]

Ooh!

[barking]

Oh, Christ, Jesus! I woulda cleared it. You had to bark!

You threw me off!

I suppose you think you're such a hotshot because you made it.

You sure about this, huh?

Oh, yeah! He's up here.

Yes, sir. Got a smart puppy there.

What?

Whatta you want? There's no one up here.

There's nobody here, what?

I just jumped over that damn thing and there's no one up here.

Hey, get back here when I'm yellin' at you!

I'm yellin' at you, I want you to listen!

What are you barkin' at? Oh, no, I got it.

You're not barkin'! No, no, I can tell the difference between a bark and a laugh!

You laughed! This is a dog joke!

Ha, ha, ha. Oh, I'm laughin'.

How many guys you brought up here, huh?

Oh, you pulled a good one.

You pulled a good one on me. I can see you down

tonight coppin' your charms down at the pound!

Yeah, havin' about a good one, huh?

I pulled one on old Dooley!

You know, you never give up, do you?

[screaming]

Now there's a guy who definitely has a right to remain silent.

-[barking] -What?

Whatta you want now? You want a medal?

Huh?

All right, all right, you found him. Good job.

There we go. Halstead Motors.

Got it.

-Hi. -Hi, welcome to Halstead Motors. You are?

-Detective Dooley. -And he is?

-With me. -How can I help you?

Uh, I got this invoice on one of your autos here,

and I was wondering if you could tell me

if it's in dealer's stock or it's been sold?

I'll have Miss Hewitt check it out right away.

Thank you.

Hey, you like this car?

Oh, it's only a hundred thousand bucks.

That's seven hundred thousand in doggie dollars.

Whatta you doin'? Huh?

Whatta you got? Did you find something?

Did you find something in there?

Hey... Hey, hey, that's a $70,000 car there, sport.

Oh, sorry about that but a dog has his own mind, you know?

No problem. Name's Don. Sales manager.

Oh, Michael Dooley, nice to meet ya.

Beautiful dog. How can I help you?

Well, you know what, Don, I'm interested in this car.

Mercedes 560SL. Nothing more to say.

-Nothing? -Nothing. The car sells itself.

It says you've arrived, Mike.

It speaks of stability, class, family values.

-But I'm single, Don. -It's a babe-mobile, Mike.

Gotta have it. I gotta have it. Let's test drive it.

Can do, Mike. I'll get the keys.

Okay. All right, buddy.

Let's get this thing outta here, then you can have it.

[Halstead] Detective Dooley?

Yes.

I'm Jack Halstead, the owner.

Oh, Jack, yeah, I was just gonna take this baby out for a little test drive.

Do you have $70,000?

No, but I can do better than that.

I have a brand new Mercedes, low mileage.

Uh, it's used once... In attempted murder.

Oh, yes. This one.

This car was reported stolen off the lot at 4:00 this morning.

Oh, Jack, does that mean we don't have a deal?

Call your station and confirm it.

But not from my phone... and not from my lot.

All right, I know. I know. I know the car's dirty.

I just don't wanna do it now.

I wanna be there at the exchange.

I want Lyman. Let's go.

Come on.

All right, buddy.

I'll be just a minute.

-Hi, can I help you? -Whatta we got here?

[whimpering]

Hey, buddy, she's hot, huh?

Yes, sir, looks and money.

I love it when they shave their beaks, don't you?

Do you know what? This kind loves cops. Loves 'em.

Boy, can you imagine what she'd do to you?

Well, it's too bad, uh, you're on duty now.

[grumbling]

That's definitely an all-nighter.

[whining]

You got 10 minutes.

What are you doin'?

Hey, man, don't lean against my ride.

This is your car? I'm sorry.

Don't even stand next to my car. You stand over there next to yours.

Now, that's a nice car, but this is really a beautiful car.

-[barking] -Where did you get those glasses?

Did you get those glasses right here in the mall?

I, I'd like to get a pair o' those. You know, I need some sunglasses.

Is this your car? How much you pay for the car.

-Can I buy your... -Hey, somethin's goin on in there.

In here?

Some big dog is humpin' my Aretha.

No!

[panting]

-Is that your dog? -Technically, no.

Look, uh, why don't I work somethin' out here?

You know, they're almost done.

Why don't I buy you a tank of gas or somethin'?

-A tank of gas? -Yeah.

For my Aretha? Get real, chump. That's a $100 dog!

-How about 25 bucks and a full tank o' gas? -Look,

-That's reasonable. -I gotta get at least a bill for Lady Ree.

-I'm a business man, you dig? -I'm a cop, you dig?

-A cop? -Yeah.

Are you a cop? You're kiddin' me.

Yeah.

-No problem. -Hey, uh, here.

-This is for the little lady. -Thank you, Officer.

Jerry Lee, time's up.

[upbeat music playing]

[barks]

Okay.

Let's go.

Tracy?

Trace?

Honey? Honey?

What are you actin' up about? You should be mellow, you just got laid.

[answering machine beeps]

[woman] Uh, oops, I think I have the wrong number.

Yes, you do.

[Jack] Uh, yeah, Tracy, it's Jack. We've changed the date of the seminar,

it's gonna be the fifth now, so you have more time to prepare your material.

Okay? See ya.

[answering machine beeps]

[man] Uh, I'm calling for Michael Dooley.

This is the third call. This is Stan Gamboa from Internal Revenue.

Yeah, right, Stan, right.

We need to set up a time for your audit, so call me.

Yeah, I'll call ya. Sure, fat chance.

[answering machine beeps]

[Tracy] Dooley, listen carefully.

I'm with some people right now. They came to the house.

Dooley, you have to do what they say. Please.

Dooley?

[whimpering]

[man] Tracy's real smart. She's behaving.

You gotta be smart, too, if you wanna see her again.

That shipment you're chasing... just let it go.

Stay home tonight, don't leave.

Do your part and you'll be havin' breakfast with your girl tomorrow.

Don't push this anymore.

[whimpering]

Wash it, wax it, put a windshield in.

Hi.

Hey!

Excuse me. This is by invitation only.

Call the cops.

Sir, you don't belong here!

Call the cops!

Sorry we're late!

[Dooley] Ken!

This is a bitchin' pad, man. You got a pool in your dining room?

You know, I gotta get one of these. I gotta have one.

Hey, I'm sorry Tracy couldn't make it, but she kinda disappeared on me.

But the invitation did say "bring a guest", so I brought Jerry Lee, here.

Jerry Lee, why don't you just mingle with the guests?

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Ken, come on now, I just got here.

Please escort this man to the door.

Freeze!

Oh, I'm not gonna shoot you.

You guys are the good guys.

He's the bad guy.

Ken, I'd have a seat. You don't look too good.

Well, I think we best all do as he says.

No, Ken, just you. Not we, you.

This poor man is obviously confused and upset.

Upset? Do I look upset to you? Am I upset? Do I look upset?

I'm not upset. I'm a party animal! I love parties, Ken!

Come on. What's the grub like?

Hmm. This wine sucks. Is this crystal?

It doesn't have a ring. Don't think it's crystal.

I'm pretty disappointed in this man here.

I mean, for a murderer and a kidnapper and a drug runner,

I thought he'd have a little better taste.

I mean, where's the brew? Where's the sounds?

And the lighting in here, you know, sucks.

[people screaming]

Now, that's better. It's a little more intimate. Sets the mood.

What's that, Ken? Is that an ice sculpture?

Somebody win that? Is this raffled off?

Is this something you do in your part time, Ken,

between the kidnapping and the drugs and the murders?

Did you make that yourself, Ken?

Who is that, Ken? Is that you?

Nah, that's Zeus.

[screaming]

I hate mythology.

Well, Mr. Halstead, surprised to see you here.

Don't be tense. Just relax.

You know, most of you people look like very nice people.

It surprises me that you're here mixing with scum.

I mean, the kind of scum that kidnaps my girlfriend.

You're making a terrible mistake.

[gun cocking]

Does that look like a mistake to you?

Does that look like a nine millimeter mistake? Huh?

Drop it, Mister!

Tell me if I pull this trigger if it's a mistake and blow

your brains against the wall, Lyman.

Where is she?

[officer] Dooley, put the gun down! Give me the gun.

[Lyman] It's a shame you have to leave so early.

You know, you really are the life of the party.

You're goin' down, Lyman, you know that?

Perhaps next time you can bring your lady friend.

You're comin' down, Lyman, do you know that?

See, see, the man is a lunatic.

-[Dooley] Yeah? -Out of control.

You can arrest me Lyman, go ahead.

-But you know I'm... -I'm gonna have you prosecuted.

I'm gonna make bail in 24 hours

and they're gonna have to peel off you with a crowbar...

[Lyman] You're history.

'Cause you're goin' down, buddy, you're goin' down!

I'm gonna have your ass behind bars permanently.

[Lyman] And get that damn dog off my table.

[Dooley] Let me outta this goddamn cage, will you?

Byers, Byers.

Rog, Rog, Jesus. Am I glad you're here, man.

Cut me loose now, will you?

You blew it, Dooley. You were outta control.

No, I wasn't outta control.

I tried to convince Lyman that I'm crazy.

I got news for you, you are crazy!

Listen to me, Roger.

Lyman's got Tracy, all right?

He kidnapped her to keep me from that shipment I was tellin' you about.

I wouldn't lie to you, Roger.

-Come on. -Oh, sure you would. You always do.

Not this. I'm tellin' you the truth.

I got an answerin' machine tape, to prove it.

Roger, come on, I hadda put this move on.

I hadda convince Lyman that I was nuts. I hadda con him.

Put yourself in Lyman's position, okay?

If he thinks for the next 24 hours I'm behind bars,

what would you do?

You tell me.

You'd move that shipment o' dope before I made bail,

that's what you'd do. The deal is goin' down tonight, Roger.

I gotta be there. You gotta let me out now!

I don't wanna hear it, Dooley.

It's your seat o' the pants bullshit that got Tracy involved in the first place.

Now, from here on in this is a coordinated effort.

That means you, me and the rest of the department.

Let's go.

[cop] Oh, God! What is that?

[Byers] God who let that one go? How could you fart in a closed car?

[Dooley] He did it! He did it! He ate chili today!

[cop] I'm rollin' my window down.

[Dooley] You gotta let him go.

[Byers] Pull over. Would you just pull the car over?

-[cop] All right, I'm pullin' over. -[Byers] Get some air in here.

Oh, God.

[Dooley] Sorry. I'm the one stuck in the back seat here.

[loud farting]

It stinks!

[Byers] You burn me up. I'm telling you, you're gonna lose your badge.

You're gonna go to jail!

[Dooley] Every minute we wait there's another chance Tracy might get hurt.

I don't care. I can't deal with you anymore.

-You're all outta control. -[Dooley] I'm not outta control.

What I did was a very...

[Byers] How long is it gonna take this dog to take a piss?

[Dooley] I don't know.

Okay, come on, let's go! Get him back in here!

I can't find 'im. I don't know where he went.

Aww.

Get the damn dog!

Listen.

He was down here somewhere a minute ago. I don't know where he went.

-Well, where the hell did he go? -Jerry Lee, shake it off.

Let's go.

[Byers] I really need this.

Waitin' for some mutt in the middle of the night!

Come here, boy.

Hold 'em.

[barking]

-He's tense. You rushed 'im. -Get in the back seat.

Wrong approach, Rog. He's very touchy about that back seat.

You're in deep enough as it is. Now call him off!

Hey, no way, Rog. Once he gets something in his head,

there's nothin' I can do. Look at him, he's nuts!

Damn it, Dooley, this is it! This is your ass!

Hey, look I have no time for coordinated efforts. Do you understand?

They move that load and Tracy's dead.

Jerry Lee, come.

Dooley! You're insane!

Okay, this is how it works. A guy moves,

he jumps into the clear, I shoot and...

And I miss and I lose.

[game beeping]

Great.

It's supposed to make this great big noise like applause if you win.

I mean, I can only assume that's true because I've never won.

[sighing]

They gotta show up soon. I mean, their stash is here.

You know, we find them, we'll find her.

I know it's a long shot, but it's the only shot we got, right?

-[barks] -Right?

[barks]

[sighs]

You know, I met her on the beach in La Jolla about four years ago.

I was in the public toilet with these binoculars.

You know, I was checking out these kids sellin' some weed down on the beach.

It was hot that day. That bathroom smelled like...

Well, a lot like you do, you know?

[grunting]

So I'm scopin' out the sand, and bam, I come across this goddess.

Forget the kids. I'm not watchin' the kids anymore,

I'm watchin' her. She's reading, right?

She stops. She puts the book down. She reaches into her pocket,

pulls out a Chapstick, and she puts it to her lips.

[groaning]

All right. I'm goin' nuts, all right?

I know it's just a Chapstick, but it's the most erotic thing I've ever seen in my life.

All of a sudden I feel like real uncomfortable,

like I'm invading her privacy or something.

You know, I'm feelin' sleazy, which is really weird because I usually like that feeling.

So, anyway, I get up, I walk toward her, you know, I go outta the john,

I'm sweatin' like a whore in church. I got toilet paper draggin' around my feet.

You know, I look like I should be in a straightjacket, right?

I walk up to her. I look down at her, she looks up.

She pulls these glasses down.

She says to me, "I'm reading Journey To The End of The Night by Celine.

"The original French version. Have you read it?"

Have I read it, she asks, right?

I mean, she had just naturally assumes I'm like this regular person, right?

Not some schmo cop. Have I read it? [laughing]

Well, of course, I didn't read it, but you know,

she just like looked at me, you know?

God, I loved her for that, you know?

What's the matter?

[Dooley] Hello.

[Dooley] Halstead. Damn. You left the party too early, buddy.

Oh, bingo! Red Mercedes! Here we are.

-[siren wailing] -We're on, buddy.

[over speaker] Halstead, pull it over to the side of the road!

Come on, Halstead, call it a night.

[panting]

[high-pitched screaming]

[tires squealing]

I'll be damned.

-I should'a' killed him. -You should'a' ducked.

I could'a' taken him out right there. Then he'd be done. End of story.

Dooley is yours, the girl is yours, a gift from me.

Make it as messy and painful as you want, but later.

Right now I need you here. Concentrate. Focus on the business at hand.

-Halstead is late. -What's a couple o' minutes?

Halstead is never late. Sculley, pour me a brandy, will you?

No, no, I'll get it.

How you doin', sweet pants? [chuckling]

Boy, I can't wait to bump into your boyfriend.

Yeah, I might even pay his bail.

You see I got a present for him. A Colombian necktie.

Do you know what that is?

You see, first you slit his throat, then you reach in, you grab his tongue,

and you rip it out and you just leave it hangin' like a necktie.

Then you and me gonna party, babe.

Why not?

Come here.

Come here.

Oooo! Oh.

Bitch!

Well, it's about time.

I'll see you later.

-[Lyman] You're late. -[Dooley] Yeah. Traffic's a bitch.

Hey, bad idea.

[box beeping]

-I press this and the cocaine goes boom. -Easy.

I got 20 pounds of explosives in this truck.

This little baby here sends a signal, we got lift off.

It snows in San Diego.

Look, Lyman, I got somethin' you want, you got somethin' I want.

I don't care about you, I don't care about your drugs anymore,

I want the girl and I want out.

Sculley? Bring the girl!

It's gonna be all right, honey.

It's gonna be all right, baby, we'll be outta here.

Do you know what, I think you're connin' me.

I think I should have Dillon here just cut you in half.

Go ahead.

Go ahead! Here comes your helicopter.

[helicopter approaching]

Here comes your $50 million.

Boy, I'd sure hate to waste that on a dumb cop and his girlfriend.

What's it gonna be, Lyman?

Cut her loose.

You're a dead man, Dooley.

I'll find you, and when I do I'm gonna kill you!

Walk!

[laughing on box]

[growling]

Jerry, get off!

Get off!

Jerry, off!

[panting]

[yelping]

[screaming]

-Jesus! -Oh. We gotta get him outta here.

Cover... Cover 'im.

-[Tracy] Come on, boy. -It's all right, buddy.

[whimpering]

All right. Careful.

It's all right, buddy.

[Dooley] Okay, buddy. Take it easy.

Gunshot wound here. Can you tell me which way to emergency?

-Thank you very much. -Excuse me, sir, that is a dog.

-Yes ma'am, it's a dog and he's been shot. -This is a hospital. You...

-You're not supposed to... -I'm a police officer, lady.

-Well, you can't bring that dog in here. -Look, he's bleeding to death, for Chrissake!

We don't treat animals.

Look, I don't have time to argue with, you right now.

Can you just show me where the doctors are? Over here?

-I'm goin' over here. -Sir, if you don't leave right now...

I'm not leavin', lady. I'm not leavin'.

I'm sorry about the dog. There isn't anyone here...

Do you have a doctor? I just want one of your doctors.

-None of the doctors here can help you. -Excuse me, are you a doctor?

Wait back in the reception room, and we'll try and help you.

-Excuse me. Sir, are you a doctor? -What the hell is this?

He says he's a police officer.

I told him he couldn't bring the dog in here.

He's out of his mind.

Look, I have an emergency situation. I need your help.

-What's your problem? -Uh, don't have a problem.

It's him. He's got a gunshot wound in the chest here.

You need to work on him now.

Listen, Officer, there are health regulations about having a dog in--

I don't care about health regulations.

I can't take him anywhere else. He's not gonna make it.

Look, either you help him now or he's gonna die.

[laughing] Don't get so excited, it's just a dog.

He's not just a dog.

He's a cop and he's not just any cop, he's my partner.

Do you know about medicine? Do you know how to remove a bullet?

Hm?

I can remove the bullet.

I need some help in here. Let's move this dog now.

Let's go. Come on.

He's gonna be fine. He's gonna be all right. He's tough.

Did I tell you what he did in the bar? Did I tell you what he did?

He saved my ass in the bar, Jerry did.

I mean, that's his job.

His job is to take a bullet. That's what K9's are for.

Did you know that?

To take a bullet to save people. That's exactly what he did.

He went between me and Lyman.

He took the bullet. That's what they're for.

He's just a Goddamn dog, that's all. That's what he did.

He went between me and Lyman and he took the hit.

He's just bleedin'. He bled a lot.

Do you know I've been after Lyman for two years.

Two years.

It wasn't worth it.

It just wasn't worth it, do you know that?

-You know, you could'a' gotten killed. -You too, but we didn't.

-You're a good cop, Dooley. -Yeah, yeah, right.

[sighing] I can't take this anymore.

Jerry Lee?

[whispering] Jerry.

Jerry Lee, can you hear me?

You know, I wish you could hear me right now,

because there's a couple o' things I wanted to tell you.

You know, like, uh...

Like I know our relationship was a little rocky, okay?

And I know we didn't exactly click as partners.

And the way it looks now, it doesn't look like we ever will.

You see, I never had a dog before, you know,

and I don't know what you're supposed to do with dogs, you know?

I know I should'a' got a book.

I should'a' got a book and read about it is what I should'a done.

But I do know now that I shouldn't'a' yelled at you.

I yelled at you a lot. Even though you took the mirror off my Mustang.

'65 Classic Mustang which I love!

I love that car, but it's okay, 'cause I know I shouldn't'a' yelled at you.

You know I... I know it wasn't all your fault.

I mean, it could have been partially my fault and, okay, okay, it was,

it was probably more my fault than yours and I feel bad about that, and I'm sorry.

You know, I mean, I locked you up in closets all night.

I yelled at you. I put you through a car wash,

and what else? I, uh...

Oh, I kicked you outta bed while I was tryin' to make love with Tracy.

That was very insensitive of me. I know that now.

Man, we should'a' went to Vegas is what we should'a' done.

You know, if you were around right now that's what we'd do.

For the weekend, you know? We'd pick up a couple o' broads, you know?

And I'd take Tracy we could pick up that little poodle with the shaved beak.

She was hot. Oh, she was sexy. I'd even let you sleep with us.

I mean, down at the bottom of the bed, you know, I mean not, not in between us again.

-That was a little rough that time. -There you are.

I've been lookin' all over for you.

Listen, you're not allowed in the recovery room.

Yeah, I know I was just, uh... Recovery room?

Yeah, this is the recovery room.

-You mean this is where patients, uh... -Come to recover.

-So the dog is... -Gonna be just fine.

Oh.

-Can I have just a couple minutes? -No problem.

You asshole!

[groaning]

Were you listening to everything I said?

Well, you can just forget about everything I said,

because I thought I was talking to a dead dog!

[groaning]

I wouldn't take a sneaky, manipulative, lying,

flea circus like you anywhere, let alone Vegas!

Vegas? Forget it! The dog, the poodle with the shaved beak that you love so much?

Eat your heart out!

Oh, God!

You don't deserve to live! Do you know that?

Well, I'm glad you did.

[upbeat music playing]