All language subtitles for Gossip Girl S05E02 Beauty and the Feast.DVDRip.NonHI.en.WB

Gossip Girl here, your
one and only source...

into the scandalous
lives of Manhattan's elite.

- How about a tour?
- Absolutely.

This is my house. You
should be the one to go.

This is my house. Nice to
meet you, by the way, um...?

- Nate.
- Would you like to keep working for me?

- I would love to. IVY: It
was a pretty devious plan.

Thank you, Ivy, you
played your part perfectly.

- One month anniversary of our move.
- Stop talking to your boyfriend. Work.

- Charlie! Oh, my gosh.
- What are you doing here?

Why would Vanessa steal your story?
- To teach me a lesson.

People write songs about
wiping out on our L.A. roadways.

I'm not scared of anything.

- Do they know?
- Know what?

How far along you
are. I'd say six weeks?

- I'm not pregnant.
- Lie to me all you want, but your body...

will be telling the world
the truth by your wedding.

Where has she been?

And who am I?

That's one secret
I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

Gossip Girl.

Rise and shine, Upper East Siders.
It's time for your annual check-up.

Lucky for you, doctors take their
confidentiality seriously around here.

Are you sure this
doctor's reputable?

Your prenatal
care is imperative.

You never care about
my womb before.

Maybe this is way to avoid...

seeing Mr. Louis off on trip to Monaco
for Feast of Assumption holiday?

Louis' sister Beatrice is picking
him up at noon in their jet.

Which give us plenty of time to
discuss your gestational issues.

- Dorota. How are you feeling?
- She's fine.

I'm Blair, Dorota's employer.
I have a few questions.

Just go with it. Is only way.

I need to ask you how long
her morning sickness will last?

As I'm naturally empathetic,
the mere discussion of food...

- not to mention the odor or the taste...
- It should ease off in the first trimester.

- And what about breast sensitivity?
- Miss Blair.

Is the one asking the questions.

You see, she practically screams
when anyone touches them.

- I can hear her all the way from Queens.
- Sensitivity is totally normal.

Okay. And, um, how long till she
can determine the father of her child?

She's had a few one-night
stands with the staff of our building.

Blair Cornelia Waldorf.

You two should work this out.

Dorota can come back
another time, alone.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what's
come over me.

Yes, you do.

You are pregnant too.

We are like sisters now.

Cousins. Distant cousins.

- Miss Blair, why you not say you are...?
- Do not utter the word.

No one must know. At least not till I
have some time to figure things out.

I don't care what you say,
I hug you anyway, for luck.

And keep secret.

I'm sorry. It's not you.

I'm so sick of all you
guys on antidepressants.

Good thing you don't offer
a satisfaction guarantee...

or she'd be your
third refund this week.

- You need pharmaceutical assistance?
- I wish weed was the answer.

I meant Viagra.

Everything works down there.
It's here that's the problem.

I can't stop thinking
about that woman from L.A.

Understandable, given
your mother issues.

- She called twice.
- She did?

Did she leave a number
or at least her name?

Heh, last I heard, it
was Anne Archibald.

Yeah, well, in an attempt to take
some of your advice about my future...

I asked my mom if she could
help me get an internship.

Schumer and Lloyd Blankfein
at Goldman are both interested.

Now she wants me to choose.

So call your mommy.

Pick either job.

Forget about your
mysterious lady from L.A.

If a woman wants to see you again,
she generally tells you her name.

What happened to
son helping father?

Been on the computer
since you got here.

I know, sorry. Trying to figure
which publisher has my book...

- so I can stop it coming out.
- Jeremiah Harris wasn't any help?

No. The only clue I have is
this, uh, check Vanessa sent me.

I'm sorry, I'll be
one more minute...

and then I will be in there
to burn the bacon, I swear.

Hey.

Uh, I know you're probably on your way
to surf or hang at Cameron Diaz's house...

but I was wondering if you could share
some of your bank breaking secrets?

I thought you did all
your scheming with Blair?

No, she's not speaking to me.

I just need, uh, to help Vanessa with
a bounced check and I can't reach her.

I was thinking that, you
know, whatever you did...

to get into Lily's safe deposit
box might also work for me.

Oh, well, that was all Chuck.
He slept with a girl at the bank.

But knowing him, there are many
more girls at many more banks.

- You should ask him.
- Right. Chuck. Okay, thanks.

- So are you really staying out there?
- I got a great job. And Charlie's here.

Charlie as in, uh, "call-me-Serena"
cousin Charlie who moved back to Florida?

Who's actually been living
in L.A.? One and the same.

I'm about to go to brunch with her
and make her fill in all the blanks.

Don't option her life rights before
you make sure she's back on meds.

- In all seriousness, tell her I said hi.
- Bye.

And for my final course...

a hot peach clafouti,
inspired by my hot girlfriend.

Mm.

Mm.

Oh, three Michelin
star. Definitely.

Which of these scream "I'm a New
York City trust-fund baby" more?

Uh, those, I guess.

You okay?

You seem extra nervous
about this audition.

Yeah.

Some days it's just not as
much fun trying to be an actress.

Well, at least we're
failing together.

Unlike Jason, who just got this
huge chef gig at Beast in Portland.

And it's cheap too.

Moving there could end my days of
plating salad with dressing on the side.

And save you from using your
mysterious emergency fund.

Max, I told you
this is my last resort.

- There's only enough to use it once.
- I know.

I don't want to end up like everybody
else who comes to L.A. with dreams...

only to find that L.A. is the
place where dreams come to die.

Or you get those weird
lips that everybody here has.

Let's not give up yet.

I promise things
will get better.

I wish you could join me. The church
celebrates with Monaco's favorite foods.

To honor Virgin Mother
honest rise to heaven.

Uh, why aren't you waiting to greet
Princess Beatrice at the elevator?

- I know you two will love each other.
- Don't be so sure.

My first impression of Grimaldi women
thus far has been abysmal at best.

Unlike Grimaldi men, who fall in love
the moment they see you. Don't worry.

My mother and
Beatrice never agree.

They make the brothers
of Brunei look civil.

At least we don't have harems.

Me too.

Beatrice, this is Blair.

You are even more beautiful
than the photographs in the paper.

The perfume.

It's jasmine and
clove oil, from Africa.

- Do you like it?
- It's powerful.

I shall give you mine. I'll
get more when I go back.

I've always longed for a
sister. Sit, sit, tell me everything.

Okay, spill. What
are you doing in L.A.?

How did you get your mom
to agree to let you come here?

She didn't. I call her and I tell her
that I'm okay, but not where I am.

Trust me, it's better this way.

Florida was making me
crazier than New York ever did.

And you're being responsible
with your medication?

I needed a break from
my mom, not reality.

Well, Florida's loss is my gain.

Okay, I wanna know
everything. Friends? Boyfriends?

Neither, honestly.

Which is why it's sad you have
to go back to New York for school.

Well, then I must be a genie, because
your wish is granted. I'm staying.

I thought that your movie ended?

It did. But the producer
offered me a job.

So I'm meeting with her later
today to discuss the details.

But we'll have time to
catch up before then.

They say misery loves company.

But sometimes it's the company
that makes you miserable.

Mm.

My, look at the time. I'm so disappointed
that I can't spend all day with you...

- before you rush to your principality.
- You know, Blair, I feel just the same.

Which is why I moved
our flight to this evening.

We now have all afternoon to
share our secrets like real sisters.

I want to know them all.

I can't wait.

If you'll excuse me.

But nothing's worse than company
that overstays their welcome.

Good luck, B. Have fun being
the hostess with the mostess.

I get working for this producer's a huge
opportunity, but what about Columbia?

I'm taking the semester off and
I'll see how things go after that.

My only issue is
living with CeCe.

Last night at 2 a.m., her
bridge game turned brutal.

A neighbor even
came and complained.

I'm sure your real estate
agent will find you a great place.

Well, hopefully near you.

In fact, why don't I have her
just meet us at your place?

That's a bad idea. My roommate
barely lets me in most days.

- He's kind of Howard Hughes.
- Hey, I was just about to call you.

I'm gonna need to see two-bedroom
apartments instead of one.

Okay, great, thank you.

- No. My place is fine.
- No, it's not negotiable.

This is L.A., Rhodes girls have
to live together. It's tradition.

Come on, let's go, ha, ha.

Hey, Chuck.

Ignore him, he's not with me.

Hey, hey, do I need
to call the cops?

This isn't what we signed
up for. We're out of here.

I expect a full refund.

- What are you doing? Are you okay?
- I was until you arrived.

Uh, you don't
look all right, there.

No, no, I have the address,
I just need her name, okay?

Then why are you
called information, huh?

I'm not Serena, Humphrey.
I didn't need saving.

- Hey, oh.
- Hey, ahem.

I thought you were
still in the Hamptons.

I'd ask how your summer's going.

Seeing you with Chuck, I guess
the answer's probably "weird."

Oh, it gets weirder. I found him paying
some really rough dudes to fight him.

He wasn't forthcoming.

But I would imagine it's a new
Bass-type scheme to get Blair's attention.

He said he was okay
about her all summer.

Maybe it's finally hitting
him now that we're back.

Think something else hit him.

He was already bruised when I got there.
I think he might need to see a doctor.

Yeah? Well, my mom has this
concierge doc she could send.

Calling her means I have to
decide which internship I want.

Uh, I could stick around
and talk it through.

I was kind of hoping to get some
help from Chuck on something anyway.

I'm gonna call the doctor, have
him check out your bruises, okay?

Excellent.

Listen, I'll just, uh, call you when
the doctor leaves. How about that?

All right.

What do you say to a little shopping
for all your pre-wedding events?

Yes, I was thinking Wu
for my welcome parade.

Short but regal.

Alaïa would put Charlene
and her swimmer's body...

to shame at Albert's ball.

Hmm, those will never do.

Why?

They only use children
to sew the beading.

You cannot have bare shoulders,
exposed knees, anything form fitting.

Too much skin borders on Bruni.

I don't understand.

How am I to become an icon of style
and taste if I can only wear a burka?

I'm sorry, the dress
code is mandated.

So you get Balmain and
I get to be Barbara Bush.

How is this possible?

It's one of the many perks of
being the non-reigning sibling.

I'm surprised to hear that. I read the
interview you did for The Guardian...

when Louis gave up his seat.

And you seemed more than
eager to step into that role.

I admit I always wished for my mother
to realize she had two capable children.

But those few days with the world
watching my every move were too much.

You, however, are much better suited
for the pressures of royal service than I.

Shall we have a snack?

Oh.

Actually, I need
to find a restroom.

I'm not sure there's
enough closet space.

Ha, ha, you're kidding, right?

I didn't think it was possible for
anyone to need more closets than I do.

I mean, you have a whole
room for shoes alone.

Yeah. But, you know, the
beach traffic can get really bad.

And that might depress me even
more than my crazy roommate...

so maybe I should
just stay where I am?

So you're gonna give this
place up because of traffic.

Where in L.A. is
Carmageddeon not an issue?

I already have other interests.

If you want it, you
need to move quickly.

Oh, I can give you a
down payment right now.

Except I forgot my checkbook.

But you have yours. I
saw it when your purse fell.

Yeah, but I don't think I have
enough to cover two months' rent.

Unless you bought the Maldives
without telling me, you have plenty.

Or is this your way of telling me
that you don't want to live with me?

Of course not.

All I have is an
out-of-state check.

No problem. Just put your local
contact information in the memo.

See, I told you
this would work out.

You understand, fractured ribs
aren't something to mess around with.

You could end up
puncturing a lung.

I told you they don't hurt.

I have a hard time believing anyone
has that high a threshold for pain.

Well, he's probably
just self-medicating.

You should see his medicine cabinet.
Some of that stuff's not legal in Mexico.

No, I was just kidding.

He claimed he couldn't feel my
touching his ribs during the exam.

If he's taken that many drugs,
someone needs to keep an eye on him...

to make sure he doesn't take any
more or do anything other than rest.

His injuries are
bordering on dangerous.

I'll take care of it. Thank you.

I wish we'd stopped
at Saint Honore.

Doesn't shopping
leave you famished?

Perhaps buying one lipstick
doesn't build up the appetite.

Lucky you can eat at your feast.

I'm sorry. Too much coffee.

Give the Virgin my regards.

I'll show you to door.

And by door I mean elevator.

Over there.

I think it's fairly obvious our future
princess has developed a drug problem.

What? No.

Miss Blair too much control
freak to use mind-alter substance.

Even to help mood swing.

I admire your loyalty.

But no one uses les toilettes so often
unless they have something to hide.

Louis deserves
to know what it is.

I swear. Miss Blair just
have sensitive stomach.

Of course, I knew I recognized that
faint acrid smell from boarding school.

The pale skin.

Not eating in public.

Blair's obviously bulimic.

Yes. No. I mean, not anymore.

Only teenage habit of
using restroom die hard.

But Miss Blair digest
everything now.

I go make tuna
melts for both of you.

Louis, we need to
speak right away.

Hey.

What are you doing in New York?

At my house?

Leaving, by the look of it.

Were you trying to find me?

Oh, this is fantastic. I haven't been
able to stop thinking about you either.

- I can't believe you tracked me down.
- Oh, that is borderline adorable.

But I wasn't here to see you.

As of recently, I own
The New York Spectator...

and I wanted to interview
your mother for my article...

on the disgraced wives
of dirty businessmen.

But she
not-so-politely declined.

If this is a coincidence,
it's a pretty damn good one.

I was here to discuss job offers with
my mom, but I'd much rather take you out.

We had fun, Nate. But I need more
than just stamina to keep me interested.

Nice seeing you.

Whoa, wait, will you at
least tell me your name?

What's so important it couldn't
wait until our seven-hour flight?

Your fiancée is bulimic.

- Is that all?
- Bulimia is a serious disease.

Blair told me all about
her teenage struggles.

- It's in her past.
- Past hour. She's not well, Louis.

Or she needs an escape from a shopping
trip full of rules. She told me that too.

I was just trying to prepare
her for the pressures of your life.

The stress will be the
worst thing for her condition.

All so you can claim a title we
both know you don't even care about.

You know I'll do whatever I
have to to insure Blair's well-being.

But believe me, she's doing great.
There is nothing to worry about.

You never did understand
la psychologie des femmes.

I guess I will just
have to prove it to you.

Go ahead. I will
prove you wrong.

Hi, yes, this is Charlie
Rhodes, from earlier?

Turns out Serena and I changed
our minds about the apartment.

So if it's okay, I'd like to
come back and get my check.

Miss Rhodes, your
check was invalid.

- The bank told me it was no good.
- I'm sorry?

I gave it back to Miss van der Woodsen
when she brought me a new one.

Maybe you should
speak to her about this?

Saltines only thing I
eat for months with Ana.

Well, that was not the same.

Your people are bred to work through
these conditions and give birth in a field.

No fields in Krakow.

And I have birthing
suite at Lenox Hill.

Well, I am too exhausted to even
reprimand your insubordination.

At least she and
Prince Louis gone.

- You have time to figure out...
- Don't even let the word leave your lips.

You never know
who could be lurking.

Blair?

Louis, darling.

Oh, I was about to take a nap because I
was so exhausted from that shopping trip.

It's so romantic of you to
come and say a final goodbye.

Beatrice didn't want you to miss
your first Monegasque holiday.

And that is so kind.

I'm sure the Virgin will
understand I'm too busy to be away.

Which is why I had our priest
arrange to celebrate here, in New York.

He's already spoken
to the local church.

I hope you're hungry. It's called
a feast for a very good reason.

Let's hope B's first Feast of
Assumption doesn't end in damnation.

Back again? What don't you get? Unlike
Serena, when I rejected you, I meant it.

Nate asked me to
keep an eye on you.

While here, I was wondering if
you'd help me with something.

The answer is no.

The doctor said you're
not supposed to go out.

If you're willing to fight,
we could strike a deal.

Defeats the purpose of
making sure you don't get hurt.

There isn't a chance in
hell you could hurt me.

I know you saw the blast about Blair
and Louis going to the event tonight.

It's not worth puncturing
a lung to get her attention.

Blair's attention's the
last thing on my mind.

Come on, man, you do
something dangerous.

Gossip Girl reports it.
Blair comes to your rescue.

- Some might call that a pattern.
- You know nothing about our situation.

I know Blair's over you. You weren't the
last one to kiss her before Louis, I was.

While her lips brushed yours, the last
one she was with before she left was me.

I'm referring to full
carnal knowledge.

A kiss is just a kiss.

That hurt? I wish
I could feel it.

Poor Lonely Boy, even on
the outer boroughs of love.

Excuse me, ma'am, I think you
were fired from this establishment.

I want to go to Portland.

If this is about
your audition...

you can't let one bad experience
make you give up your dreams.

My dreams will never
come true if we stay here.

But yours could if we leave.

I thought about it
and you were right.

Let's go before
we're forced to leave.

If you're sure. I'll tell the manager
when she gets back from break.

Hey, this is going to
be good, I can feel it.

We'll be like Bonnie and Clyde.

Without the killing and
robbing and car chases.

I'm gonna go home and pack.

I must have gained 10 pounds
last year. It's so delicious.

Louis.

I'm sorry we missed you at
Cap d'Antibes this summer.

Well, your missionary
work is more important.

Blair, this is Father Cavalia,
the man who will marry us.

Bonjour. BLAIR: How wonderful.

I'm sorry you can't be in your
own church on this devout day.

Perhaps if you got on a plane
right now, you could make it?

Ha, don't be silly.

This way I have a chance to get to
know you away from all my duties.

Did you enjoy a religious
upbringing, Miss Waldorf?

My family is of mixed faith.

But I've always
appreciated a confessional.

I'm gonna go find one now.

As you know, the confessional is
not available during a celebration.

- Have you ever tried barbagiuan?
- Mm, my favorite.

It's filled with pumpkin
and spices and butter.

Mm.

It's delicious.

Bravo.

I can't help it. I love those.

Mm.

Surely the Virgin Mother can show
mercy to those on Earth still suffering...

while she rises to heaven.

If you'll excuse me, I see a
lost soul in need of guidance.

Thank you. I will never question
the paternity of your child again.

I told you. She can't even keep
down one bite of barbagiuan.

You're starting to
sound like Mother.

Unlike her, who doesn't care
about anyone but herself...

I'm trying to save your
fiancée. Why aren't you?

I know you don't wanna see me now,
or ever. I'm not here to cause problems.

I can't say the same about
Chuck. Have you seen him?

Walk with me.

- Thanks for coming back, Diana Payne.
- Ah, you found the card I left your mother.

Tell me it was her who
texted me to come back.

- Oh, she's right inside.
- So why are we out here?

Her text said she agreed to
talk to me for my Spectator article.

She did, there are a few final
details that need to be worked out first.

I know. She has a concern that I'm
turning The Spectator into a tabloid.

- I'm happy to give her story-approval.
- Wait, what about me?

I am the one that
convinced her, after all.

I mean, don't you think there
should be some sort of finder's fee?

Are you trying to trade my
interview with your mother for sex?

Well, I would've called it
a date. But yeah, basically.

How do I know
your mother's inside?

You can watch me open the door
and tell her we'll be back in an hour.

What makes you think
we need that long?

Stamina.

Serena.

What are you doing here?

I got your address off the
check the realtor gave me.

I'm sorry, I was a flake and
forgot to look at my balance.

It's okay, but you can just stop.
I know what really happened.

Out.

The princess needs privacy.

My security detail
will escort any of you...

who are not willing
to go out on your own.

Security detail? What's going
on? I thought you were mad at me.

And you have my forgiveness, if
you shut up and guard the door.

Not like you to forgive me.
Or run away from a feast.

Might this have to do with
you sleeping with Chuck?

How in the world
did you know that?

Forget it, I don't even have time to care.
Don't you understand guard the door?

I can't believe that I
thought you changed.

Chuck's going off the deep
end trying to get your attention.

No. Now, that's where you're wrong.
Whatever he's doing isn't about me.

He was the one who told me
to marry Louis, and he meant it.

Now you're gonna be
sorry you didn't guard.

Are you gonna go with me in here? I'm
not sure our friendship can handle that.

Friendship is a tenuous term. Now
be a gentleman and run the water.

Uh, I'm sorry, you're, uh, gonna have
to leave. The princess is getting sick.

Of course she is. I'll
bring her fiancé right away.

- I forgive you. Are you happy?
- No. I'm worried.

- Are you bulimic again?
- No.

I was just sick of listening
to your inane questions.

Now I need to pray for
tolerance and get out there.

Disorders can return
when people are stressed.

Clearly Chuck is not
the only one freaking out.

The thing freaking me out is Louis' sister
might notice I'm gone, get suspicious.

Why worry about her being
suspicious if you aren't bulimic?

This isn't a joke. We are not
leaving until you agree to get help.

I don't need help.

I'm not bulimic. I'm pregnant.

While one mother's life
leads her to heaven...

another's is going straight
to hell in a Moses basket.

Beatrice, you have to
understand, it's still so early.

I didn't wanna get Louis'
hopes up if things weren't okay.

I was going to tell him.

What were you going to tell me?

About her wonderful idea, Louis.

I have so many. DAN: Hmm.

You know, the one about
inviting the homeless into our meal.

To dine with us?

You're too modest.

I was telling Blair about
our missionary work.

And she suggested we share
our meal with those less fortunate.

I think it is wonderful.

Of course.

Yes, not to have
them eat with us.

But to serve them the food.

Like in a soup
kitchen. With gloves on.

It's a wonderful idea.

Spotted: Chuck on
the wrong side of town.

Looks like Bassman doesn't
have enough of a dark side.

He has to take a
walk on one too.

Uh, I should go.

You promise you
won't say anything?

Yes, but you can't
hide this forever.

I think you were right about her,
Louis, she'll make a perfect princess.

And you, the
perfect sister-in-law.

I swear, I just took that
checkbook in case of an emergency.

I didn't wanna use it.

Why not? It belongs to you.

It does?

Your mom can't cut you off because
you leave Florida. That's not fair.

I was actually gonna call her,
but I was waiting till you got back.

I don't wanna involve her.

I'm the one who told her I
want to make it on my own.

Besides, if she knows where I am,
she's gonna try to make me come back.

That's true.

But you can't live here.

You have to come live with me.

I'd love to, but
I can't afford it.

You can once
Grandma calls the bank...

and makes it impossible for
your mom to cut you off again.

I don't think that that's such a good idea.
I don't want to make her any more mad.

She'll never find out.

Look, I explained to CeCe how
bad being around your mom is for you.

And she doesn't wanna deal with
Carol's wrath either. She won't tell.

I don't know what to say.

I can't believe that you
would do this for me.

You can show your
gratitude by packing.

I have to go meet my boss,
but I'll come pick you up after.

We Rhodes girls
need to stick together.

Get him up.

Hey. Whoa, whoa, again?
Guys, come on. You can't...

Hey, I'm not part
of his payment plan.

Sorry. Mr. Bass said nothing
should stop us except his safe word.

He could die.

Though this be madness,
yet there is method in it.

I guess that wasn't
the safe word.

Chuck, tell them to stop.

- Okay, fine. Stop.
- Let's go.

- "Stop"? Really, that's it?
- I wasn't trying to kill myself.

Then what the hell
were you doing?

I was hoping it would hurt.

What, to dull the
pain of losing Blair?

That's what you
don't understand.

I feel nothing when
I see her and Louis.

Or when I jump off a building.

Or when I crash a motorcycle.

Even you don't irritate me.

Well, having these guys beat you up
is not the way to try to feel something.

You could have died.

Is being dead that much
worse than being nothing?

I don't know how you got your mother
to agree after she slammed the door.

I told her it was her chance to tell
her side and move on with her life.

And it made her seem classier
than Ruth Madoff, ha, ha.

Clever. That's all it took?

Well, I had to let her decide on
my internship, Goldman or Schumer.

Why do either?

Like I said in L.A., I need
to figure out my future.

And, you know, both are great
options other people would kill for.

How about working
for me instead?

- I'm not a journalist.
- I'm not looking for you to be one.

The newspaper is just the cornerstone
in what I hope is a new media empire.

Someone with your persuasive skills
could be great in sales or marketing.

Once you know how to control
information, you can do anything with it.

Politics, banking, whatever.

While that sounds great...

I'd have to get my family to
approve me pulling out of this thing.

Well, just remind them
what George did for JFK Jr.

See you at the office next week.

Watch out, Nate...

looks like sex play may not be
the only game you're a pawn in.

So it looks like something
called a conversion disorder.

People become blind,
paralyzed or unable to feel...

after experiencing a
psychological trauma.

I.e., Blair leaving your forever.
It's a little like, uh, PTSD.

If you say so.

You should see someone.

Treatment involves trying to
make the patient feel again.

That what I was doing
before you showed up.

How about instead of pain
you try to feel good things?

I could tickle you.

Heh, I'd rather hire someone else to do
that, thank you. But it wouldn't work either.

Why don't we discuss why you
needed my help before, instead?

Um, I wrote a novel. I was working on it
for a while. No one was supposed to see it.

Vanessa found it,
sent it to a publisher.

So I need to find out which one
so I can, uh, stop it from coming out.

Forgive me for stating the obvious,
but isn't being published a writer's goal?

Not for this book. It's
a scathing social satire.

About everyone I
know. Including you.

- The return of Charlie Trout.
- Hmm.

I need to get in
Vanessa's account...

so I can see who's making deposits
before anyone sees what I wrote.

Well, just because I
can't feel anything...

shouldn't mean everyone
else has to endure humiliation.

I'll help you.

Hey.

So Jason said we can crash
with him and his roommates...

until we find our own place.

Max.

What's going on?

- I don't think I can go.
- What are you talking about?

It'll be great. I got us onion-flavored
snacks for the road. And these things.

What changed?

Remember what you said?

This isn't giving
up on our dreams.

It's just making them
happen in a different place.

I'm sorry.

I just realized that what's making
me unhappy in L.A. isn't L.A.

It's you.

Where is this coming
from? I love you.

I'm sorry. I wish I could
explain better. But I can't.

Just be happy.

And...

know that I never
meant to hurt you.

How well do any of us
really know each other?

Even families
have their secrets.

We were so close. I could
even see my mother's face...

as Louis gave away his title
because his fiancée was bulimic.

She would have
never forgiven him.

It would have been perfect.

Why not just tell
her Blair's pregnant?

Please.

Nothing would make her happier
than a grandchild by her golden boy.

I'll just have to find another way to
get Louis out of Monaco for good...

so my mother will finally see I
was the right choice all along.

Vengeance becomes you.

Hmm.

So how did your
crazy roommate take it?

It wasn't easy.
But he'll be fine.

Well, maybe you should get further
from him than just Santa Monica.

I'm sure it's okay.

Unless you found us
a different apartment?

How about one on
the Upper East Side?

What are you talking about?

Turns out my boss was
only in L.A. for the movie.

My meeting was about transferring
her back to her New York office.

And I want you to come with me.

Last time didn't
work out so well.

Well, this time you won't
have your mom to worry about.

And you'll have your
trust fund and your family.

CeCe wants us to stay with
her in Montecito until we leave.

And her house is
huge, you would love it.

Please. All you
have to do is say yes.

Why not?

I think I'm done here.

They say blood is
thicker than water.

But it's also a lot harder
to clean up when it spills.

If I didn't know better, I'd think
you were starting to like Brooklyn.

It isn't Brooklyn I'm here for.

You're the only person...

I can have a furtive, emotionally
loaded conversation with right now.

How's Chuck?

Uh, he's okay. Sort
of. Long Freudian story.

- How are you?
- Pregnant.

That makes it sound more real.

I'd hoped denial would last
longer as a coping mechanism.

But breast tenderness and morning
sickness made that impossible.

Um...

You know, you do have options.

And I've considered them all.

But no matter what, this baby
was conceived out of love...

and I'm gonna keep it.

Um...

Have you not told Louis
because it might be Chuck's?

I only slept with him once.

I slept with Louis
a hundred times.

He may be mild-mannered,
but he's surprisingly virile.

So by the sheer law of
probability, it must be his.

Except the definition of probability is
strong likelihood, not, uh, known fact.

Haven't you read The
Power of Positive Thinking?

Put your giant intellect aside and
just focus with me on wish fulfillment.

This is not that
kind of situation.

Even Blair Waldorf cannot
bend DNA to her will.

I'm about to marry
a fabulous man...

who happens to be a prince.

I can't be this close to
having my dreams come true...

only to have them yanked away...

by one transgression at
a stranger's bar mitzvah.

Look, I know it's scary, but I think
you should know who the father is.

If not for yourself,
then for the baby.

And what if I lose everything?

You'll still have me.

Maybe it's not blood
bonds that make us a family.

Perhaps it's the people who know
our secrets and love us anyway.

So we can finally be ourselves.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.