Original subtitles

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Who's your friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Can't do a little, 'cause he can't do enough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ He's your friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause he can't do enough ♪

- Oh! It's a message from headquarters.

- Yeah! A message from headquarters!

- What could they want with me?

Urgent to Witchiepoo.

Boss Witch will arrive on inspection tour.

- Inspection tour?

- Will visit Living Island.

- Living Island.

- For first time.

- For first time.

- What are you, an echo?

I don't need you to repeat that Boss Witch is...

Boss Witch is coming here?

Oh! On an inspection tour?

Oh! Oh!

- Please, Witchiepoo, calm down!

- "Calm down," he says!

The Commander in Chief of all Witchdom is coming here

for the first time and he says "Calm down!"

- Why'd you say it, Orson?

- Oh this is terrible! This is awful!

We'll never be ready!

I'll fail the inspection test.

I'll be a washed-up, ditched witch

without a wand to witch with!

- Hey that's good, Chiefy.

Now why don't you try "Peter Piper Picked a Peck of-"

- Will you shut up you, dumb-dumb?

My whole future's at stake.

I've got to get ready for the inspection.

I've got to let the whole island know

the Boss Witch is coming!

Calling all evil trees, tombstones and mushrooms,

this is your gorgeous leader.

Now hear this! Boss Witch is coming! Boss Witch is coming!

We're listening, O gorgeous leader.

- Trees, comb your leaves and polish your roots.

- Roger!

- Witchiepoo.

- Comb and polish.

- Tombstones, get scrubbed up.

And you, douse that cigar.

- Anything you say, Chief.

- And I'll be down to check on ya later. Over and out.

- Attaboy, Chiefy. That's telling them!

- Well, what are you standing there for?

We've got tons of work to do.

The castle's a mess.

We've gotta clean, scrub, polish, wash.

Well, just don't stand there! Move!

- Witch alarm! Witch alarm! Boss Witch is coming!

Boss Witch is coming! Witch alarm! Witch alarm!

- Hold it! Hold it!

You mean the Boss Witch is coming here to Living Island?

- Right! She's coming to inspect Witchiepoo's castle.

- Oh my! That's awful. Terrible!

- Who's the Boss Witch?

- She's the Commander in Chief of all Witchiedom.

- Boss Witch is coming! Boss Witch is coming!

Boss Witch is coming! Boss Witch is coming!

Boss Witch is coming! Boss Witch is coming!

- Boy, that's all we need, another witch.

- What's gonna happen?

- Don't rightly know.

I better sound our witch alarm and get everyone together.

Let's hurry! This is a real emergency!

Witch alarm!

Witch alarm!

- Gosh, Puf, what does this Boss Witch look like?

Has anyone seen her?

- No, she's never come to our island before.

- That sounds like trouble!

- It sure does and we better prepare for it.

Witch alarm!

- Reporting for duty, Mayor.

- Reporting for duty. We heard all about Boss Witch!

- I'm coming! I'm coming! I'm ready for action!

- Here I am! Have helmet, will travel.

- All right. Line up, everyone! Line up.

Fall in. Attention! Now hurry, hurry!

Attention. Attention. I said, "Attention!"

Now troops, we're facing a real emergency.

No one knows what the Boss Witch looks like

or why she's here.

But we do know we must present a solid front.

- Three cheers for Pufnstuf!

- He hasn't done anything yet.

- Encourage him! Encourage him!

- Quiet, quiet! Quiet in the ranks!

Now, we have to figure out what to do first.

- I think we should keep an eye on the castle

so we'll know when the Boss Witch arrives.

- Good idea, Jimmy. But who will volunteer?

- Horse will!

I will?

- You will? Thank you, Horse!

- Attaboy! That's terrific!

- But, but...

- Oh, I think it's so brave of you to volunteer.

You're a real hero.

Oh!

How about that? I guess I am a hero.

- Then you'll have to hurry.

- Your job is to get near the castle

and report when the Boss Witch arrives.

- Finally got you to do some work around here.

Move out!

- Watch your hands, Buster! I'm a hero.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

♪ Do, do, do, do do ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do ♪

Hey! Look at that. It's Stupid Bat. Good gosh!

He's flying lopsided.

Uh-oh! Oh! Oh boy. Oh, he's gonna crash.

- Oh, look out. Look out!

Oh. Oh, he crashed in the trees.

No wonder they call him stupid.

Hey there, Stupid Bat. You okay?

Stupid Bat, say something!

- Uh, Bat-O-Gram. Urgent message for Witchiepoo.

Bat-O-Gram. Oh! Oh!

- Urgent message for Witchiepoo?

Whoa! I better take this back to Pufnstuf.

Sorry to leave you like this, Stupid Bat,

but that's spy biz.

- This looks like a good escape route.

- Yes, my wagon couldn't make it, but the rescue racer can.

Right, Pufnstuf?

- Right.

We'll have the rescue racer ready to move out if we have to.

Here comes Cling and Clang.

What is it, boys? What is it?

The horse is coming.

Hey, everyone! Horse is coming!

- He must have some news about Boss Witch.

- Hurry up! Hurry!

Okay, Horse, report. What do you have to tell us?

Come on.

- What's this note?

- Uh, it's a Bat-O-Gram.

Stupid Bat was flying with it to Witchiepoo.

Must be important.

- Read it, Jimmy. Quick! Quick!

- To Witchiepoo from Witch Headquarters.

Visit canceled. Carry on evil work as usual.

We'll meet you next inspection tour.

Signed, bad luck, Boss Witch.

She's not coming! Boss Witch isn't coming!

- Hooray!

- And if it wasn't for our polka-dotted spy right here,

we'd never have known.

- You did it. You're a hero! A real hero.

- Yep!

- What are you doing sitting down?

The Boss Witch will be here any second.

Get up, you lazy louse!

Get back to work!

Lift that mop! Pull that bucket!

Oh!

- Duh, Witchiepoo. Duh, Witchiepoo.

Duh, Witchiepoo. There's something I gotta tell ya.

- No time to talk now, Stupid Bat.

Get out there

and let me know the minute the Boss Witch arrives!

- Duh, but I gotta tell ya.

You see, I was carrying this Bat-O-Gram.

- Can't you see I'm busy? Get lost!

Beat it, Bat!

Duh, duh! Oh!

- Hurry! Mop! Mop!

Oh! Oh! How do I look? How do I look?

I'm a nervous wreck.

The Boss Witch isn't going to like anything, I just know it.

- I never saw you so worried, Chief.

- Yeah! What kind of old hag is Boss Witch anyway?

- I don't know! I've never seen her.

Oh, I wish I had a little gift for her.

Something to put her in a good mood.

- Hey, Chiefy!

Why don't you take a look at the image machine?

See what's available.

- Good idea, Seymour.

There must be something on this island

that can make her happy.

Tombstones. Nah!

She must have a whole graveyard.

Look at that lumpy green dragon.

Oh! Wait a minute!

That's it!

That will do!

The Mayor of Living Island.

I'll capture him

and give him to the Boss Witch as a present!

- Oh my, Witchiepoo. You're brilliant, marvelous, clever.

- And don't forget gorgeous.

Now you two clowns keep working.

I'm over the puff to get Puf!

Good hunting, Chiefy.

- So that's the story, folks.

Now that the Boss Witch isn't coming, you can all relax.

- I was ready to smash her with my lorgnette.

- Oh. Lucky for her, she not show up.

- Oh! It's the Witch!

- Come on! Take to the hills.

- Yikes, it's the evil fuzz. Run for it, baby!

- Go ahead and run you trees!

It's Pufnstuf I wanna freeze.

Zap!

Oh, what a king size gift he'll make for the Boss Witch.

She'll love me for this.

Come, my plump beauty.

Drat! He weighs a ton!

I'll never get him back to the castle.

Unless...

Of course! I almost forgot my old shrinking spell.

Let's see.

Evil spirits from the land,

make Pufnstuf sit in the palm of my hand.

A dragon in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Oh, but enough of this small talk.

You little dickens.

I used to have a tiny little alligator just like you.

I ought to leave you just the way you are.

But you wouldn't make much of a present for the Boss Witch.

Zippity do! Zippity zap! Stay as you were, nice and fat.

- What happened? Where am I?

- Safe and sound in my dungeon, you jolly green dumb-dumb.

- Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!

Pufnstuf's been captured!

Witchiepoo's got him! Alarm! Alarm!

Witchiepoo's got him! Alarm!

- Hold it! Hold it! Let's not lose our heads.

The first thing is we've gotta rescue Pufnstuf.

- Good thinking. But how?

- Thank goodness the Boss Witch isn't coming.

Then it would really be impossible.

- Judy, you just gave me an idea.

- I did?

- What kind of idea?

- How to rescue Pufnstuf.

Now follow this. Horsey picked up her Bat-O-Gram

so Witchiepoo doesn't know that Boss Witch isn't coming.

Right? - Right!

- Okay.

Ludicrous, you've got a makeup bag in your wagon.

Supposing I get made up as Boss Witch,

enter the castle and free Pufnstuf.

- Oh my.

You mean you're going to make believe you're Boss Witch?

Oh my!

- Gather round.

Now Judy, you'll have to stay here

and look after Freddy and Horsey.

Dr. Blinky, when I'm getting made up,

you go get your magic sound books and here's what we'll do.

- Okay, boys, we're all set up. We're almost ready to go.

Duh! Oh!

- Ssh! I'm Jimmy. Ssh!

- Goodness! Goodness. You gave me a start.

What a makeup job. You sure look like Boss Witch.

- We'll have to hurry if we're gonna rescue Pufnstuf.

Is your sound box ready to announce my arrival?

- Ready. Here it goes.

- Oh! Oh! What was that? What was that?

Big swivelings! It must be the Boss Witch!

And I'm not even ready!

Orson! Seymour! Open the gates!

Hurry! Hurry! She's here! She's here!

- Oh my. The Boss Witch.

- Nice going, Dr. Blinky. There goes the drawbridge.

- Wait till you hear this.

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

Her Royal Rottenness the Boss Witch is here!

Boss Witch is here!

- Perfect. I'm on my way.

- Good luck, Jimmy.

Boss Witch is here!

Make way for the Empress of Evil.

Boss Witch is here!

Make way for the Empress of Evil.

- She's here! Orson! Seymour! She's here!

Oh! Oh!

Boss Witch is here! Line up! Straighten up! Smile!

Boss Witch is here!

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

Boss Witch is here!

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

Boss Witch is here!

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

- Welcome. Welcome.

Oh, Your Majesty, Your Imperial Wizardness,

Exalted Ruler of Witchiedom.

- Oh stop sniveling, you bag of bones, and get up!

Get up, I say!

- We're getting up. We're getting up.

Oh, Your Majesty, Your Highness.

I'm so honored by your visit to my humble abode.

My castle is your castle.

- You call this a castle?

I've seen better castles used as hamburger stands!

- Oh! I mean, oh, what a sense of humor.

Better castles as hamburger stands.

Oh, you're terrific, Boss Witch.

- Yes, terrific.

- Who asked you to speak, dummy?

- Yes! Who asked you to speak, dummy?

- I'll do the swatting around here!

- Oh! I mean, I asked for that, Your Majesty.

After all, you are the Boss, Queen of them all.

Oh my Empress of Evil, if it wouldn't be putting you out,

may I take you to my beauty chair?

Look Your Majesty, my very own beauty chair,

and it's all yours if you would like a beauty treatment.

- Beauty treatment?

How dare you think I need beauty treatments?

- Oh! Oh, my gracious leader. Oh, Queen of Magic.

I didn't mean that.

You're beautiful, gorgeous, exquisite.

- And you're a disgrace.

You don't have anyone boiling in oil,

no one being tortured,

no prisoners.

Why, you're not a witch. You're a good fairy!

- I am not!

No, no, please, Your Rottenness.

Oh, Queen of Darkness. Listen to me.

I have a marvelous surprise for you.

I have a prisoner. I got him as a gift just for you.

Oh, you'll love me for this. Love me.

- Prisoner? Well, don't just stand there. Where is he?

- Orson! Bring up the prisoner! Hurry!

Right, Chief.

- One prisoner coming up.

- Wait till you see him, O Majestic Madame.

I captured him with my own dipsy doddle doozy wand.

Isn't it a beauty?

- Oh, you won't need that anymore, you old hag!

- Ah! Oh! My wand!

My super special wand!

You can't!

Of course you can.

You can do anything, O Queen.

You can do anything. Anything, all powerful one.

And here he is, O Noble Empress.

My gift to you, the Mayor of Living Island.

The Mayor himself.

What do you think of them apples, Boss Witch?

- Boss Witch? That's the Boss Witch?

But she's not supposed to-

Oh!

- See her kick him? Now that's how to handle prisoners.

Now watch how an expert does it.

- So you're the Mayor?

Oh, tell me Mayor,

has this so-called Witch here been really evil to you guys?

I mean, really evil?

- Who? Little old Witchiepoo?

Why? She's a regular pussycat. A real live doll.

- What? What? What are you saying?

- Is that so? Very interesting.

Oh, tell me more. Has she given you any trouble?

- Trouble? Trouble? That's a laugh.

She's a regular sweetheart.

Why, once she even came to my cave and gave us cookies.

- Sweetheart! Cookies! I was trying to zap you!

Don't listen to him. I'm evil, I tell you. Evil!

I'm mean, I'm rotten. There isn't a decent bone in my body.

Really, I'm terrible. Orson! Seymour, tell her.

Tell her how rotten I am.

- She's rotten.

- She's terrible.

- Oh, you goody two-shoes, I've heard enough.

Say Mayor, if I appointed you the new witch around here

how would you handle things?

- Oh, I could be mean as the dickens.

See?

- But he's the head of the good guys.

You can't do that!

- I can't, eh?

- Yeah!

- I'll tell you what I can do. I can throw you out!

I hereby banish you from Living Island forever.

- Oh, please. You can't do this to me.

I've tried hard to be a bad witch.

I've done my best to be mean, rotten and evil.

Oh, please give me another chance.

Where can I get another witch job at my age?

- Oh, stop that blubbering and get out!

And take those two little creeps with you!

Out! Out, I say!

- Oh my. I wonder how Jimmy's doing in there.

Oh good. Oh! Look out.

Open the door!

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

- Oh! Oh no. You guys turned on the sound box!

Now Jimmy will get caught.

Open the door!

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

- It's stuck. I can't stop it!

Boss Witch is here!

Boss Witch is here!

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

Boss Witch is here!

- Boss Witch is here!

Wait a minute!

You are here.

- Of course I'm here, ya dummy.

That's just some of my elves outside having some fun.

- Just a minute. - Open the door!

- Something's going on here.

- You dare to question me.

- Get away, you elves. You're bothering the Boss Witch!

Scram! Go away!

Boss Witch is here!

- Oh. Uh-oh. That does it. Poor Jimmy.

Boss Witch is here!

Make way for the Empress of Evil!

- Those darn elves. They just won't listen.

- Now, just one ding dong minute!

Something's fishy around here.

- Oh! I'll take care of them.

- Oh!

- Wait a minute!

- Uh-oh!

- Wait. Let me help you, Boss Witch.

- Pardon me for being nosy, Boss Witch.

But what happened to your nose?

- Oh, it's just another one of my super bits of magic.

- Magic, eh? Just as I thought! You're a fake.

You're not the Boss Witch! You're that brat Jimmy!

- Run, Pufnstuf! Run!

- Stop them! My wand! My wand!

Orson, Seymour! They're getting away!

My wand! Where's my wand?

There it is on the floor.

- Jimmy broke it.

- But it's only half a wand.

But half a wand's better than none.

Bugs and bees, I order you to freeze!

Guess I used the wrong half.

- Which way? Duh. Witchiepoo. Duh!

Boss Witch is coming. Boss Witch is coming.

Get ready for inspection.

Boss Witch is coming in for a landing.

Duh! Listen.

Oh no!

Why me?

Why is it always me?

♪ You got someone who knows you ♪

♪ You got someone who cares ♪

♪ You got someone who'll fix you up ♪

♪ If ever you need repairs ♪

♪ You got someone who'll take the time ♪

♪ To listen to your prayers ♪

♪ I got, you got, everybody do got ♪

♪ Someone who cares ♪

♪ By the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where do ya go when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ He can't do a little, 'cause he can't do enough ♪

Whoa!

♪ I got, you got, everybody do got ♪

♪ Someone who cares ♪

♪ By the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where do ya go when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Well, he can't do a little 'cause he can't do enough ♪

- See you next week!

- Keep those cards and letters coming.