Original subtitles

FUTURAMA IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

[ Woman ] * NOBODY DOESN'T LIKE MOLTEN BORON **

I HATE THE PLANET OF THE MOOCHERS.

THEY TAKE YOU OUT FOR A DRINK, BUT WHEN THE CHECK COMES

THEIR WALLET'S ALWAYS IN THEIR OTHER PANTS

WHICH THEY BORROWED FROM ME.

DINNER READY?

THOSE LOUSY MOOCHERS CLEANED OUT OUR PANTRY.

ALL THEY LEFT WAS BAKING SODA AND CAPERS

AND HERE IT IS.

[ Both Groaning ]

GREAT.

WE'RE TWO DAYS FROM EARTH WITH NO FOOD.

PROBLEM SOLVED. YOU TWO FIGHT TO THE DEATH

AND I'LL COOK THE LOSER.

WORK HIS GUT. I LIKE IT TENDER.

MAYBE THAT PLANET OVER THERE HAS A DRIVE-THRU.

A BURGER JERK OR A FISHY JOE'S OR A CHISELER OR SOMETHING.

DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.

WE'RE A BILLION MILES FROM NOWHERE.

YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY ONLY GOT A HOWARD JOHNSON'S.

WELL, IT'S A TYPE "M" PLANET

SO IT SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE RODDENBERRIES.

I'M EXPERIENCED AT FORAGING.

I USED TO FIND EDIBLE MUSHROOMS ON MY BATH MAT.

I FOUND SOME ROCKS.

YOU GUYS EAT ROCKS, RIGHT?

NO.

NOT EVEN IF THEY'RE

SAUTEED IN A LITTLE MUD?

HERE'S SOMETHING.

IT LOOKS LIKE A DITCH FULL OF FRIED SHRIMP.

WHAT ARE YOU? BLIND?

IT LOOKS MORE LIKE A HOLE

FULL OF FRIED PRAWNS.

[ Loud Humming ]

HMM, THIS THING I WEAR ON MY WRIST

SAYS THEY'RE NOT POISONOUS.

WELL, HOW ARE THEY?

OH, THEY'RE GREAT.

THEY'RE LIKE SEX, EXCEPT I'M HAVING THEM.

YOU KNOW WHAT THESE WOULD GO GREAT WITH?

ROCKS.

LOOK, HERE'S MORE.

THE PLANET'S COVERED WITH THEM.

LET'S BRING BACK A COUPLE OF POCKETFULS.

NO, A WHOLE BENDER-FUL.

NO, ONLY WHAT WE NEED.

STUFF THE SHIP.

PLANET EXPRESS SHIP, YOU ARE CLEARED TO LAND.

[ Leela While Eating ] Roger.

OH, MON

I'M INHALING THESE THINGS.

YOU GUYS SCORED SOME PRIMO STUFF HERE.

THEY'RE TASTIER THAN AN UNGUARDED PENGUIN NEST.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM?

WE HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF A NAME YET.

THEY'RE TASTY, RIGHT?

LET'S CALL THEM TASTICLES.

[ Disgusted Groans ]

WE CAN'T CALL THEM THAT.

WHY NOT?

IT SOUNDS TOO MUCH

LIKE THOSE FROZEN ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS ON A STICK.

YOU KNOW, TESTSICLES.

ACCORDING TO GOVERNMENT RECORDS

THE ONLY NAMES NOT YET TRADEMARKED

ARE POPPLERS AND ZITSELS.

I KNOW-- WE'LL CALL THEM POPPLERS.

[ Enthusiastic Grunts ] YOU SURE PICKED IT.

SWISH.

CALL THEM WHAT YOU WANT.

I CALL THEM A FREE MEAL.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

SLOW DOWN THERE, SIGMUND.

I CAN'T STAND IDLY BY WHILE POOR PEOPLE GET FREE FOOD.

WE GOTTA SELL THESE THINGS.

YEAH! GOOD IDEA.

BENDER'S A GENIUS!

HEY...

BUSINESS IS GREAT.

GREAT IS OKAY, BUT AMAZING WOULD BE GREAT.

[ People Chattering ]

[ Man ] PLEASE, DON'T PUSH.

THERE'S HOT DOGS FOR EVERYONE.

[ Growls ]

HEY, MAC, WHERE DO YOU WANT THOSE RAT DROPPINGS YOU ORDERED?

[ Disgusted Groans ]

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE NOT THE GUY

WHO DELIVERS THE RAT DROPPINGS.

[ Sniggers ]

WHAT ARE YOU SELLING? POPPLERS?

NEVER HEARD OF 'EM.

EAT IT OR BEAT IT.

MMM, MMM.

THESE ARE GREAT.

BOYS, THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.

I'M JOE GILLMAN.

WOW.

YOU'RE SOME GUY WHO EATS AT FISHY JOE'S?

HELL, NO.

I AM FISHY JOE.

I'VE GOT A FAST-FOOD FRANCHISE

ON EVERY PLANET IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE

EXCEPT McPLUTO.

HEY, FISHY, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO WRITE YOU

ABOUT YOUR IN-STORE KIDDIE PARKS.

THE SLIDES WON'T SUPPORT AN ADULT ROBOT.

GOOD POINT. NOT INTERESTED.

BUT THESE POPPLERS, THESE ARE GREAT.

HOW MUCH YOU SELL THEM FOR?

A DOLLAR A DOZEN.

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE MONEY THAT WAY.

YOU SUPPLY THEM TO ME AND I'LL SELL THEM FOR TWO BUCKS A DOZEN

AT MY RESTAURANTS.

I'LL EVEN PAY YOU A DOLLAR A DOZEN.

YES! I'M GOING TO BE RICH!

YOU, TOO, BUT IT'S HARD TO GET EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

HOW DO WE SIGN?

[ Music From H.M.S. Pinafore ]

* POP A POPPLER IN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COME TO FISHY JOE'S *

* WHAT THEY'RE MADE OF IS A MYSTERY *

* WHERE THEY COME FROM, NO ONE KNOWS *

* YOU CAN PICK 'EM, YOU CAN LICK 'EM *

* YOU CAN CHEW 'EM, YOU CAN STICK 'EM *

* IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO SUE US

* YOU CAN SHOVE ONE UP YOUR NOSE. *

I CAN'T PAY.

[ All Grumbling Loudly ]

LEELA, THAT'S THE SECOND BILLBOARD

YOU CRASHED INTO THIS WEEK.

SORRY. I WAS DISTRACTED BY THOSE PROTESTERS

OUTSIDE OUR BUILDING.

[ All Shouting ]

HEY, UNLESS THIS IS A NUDE LOVE-IN

GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY.

YOU CAN'T OWN PROPERTY, MAN.

I CAN, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A PENNILESS HIPPIE.

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?

WE'RE WITH MANKIND FOR ETHICAL ANIMAL TREATMENT.

POPPLERS ARE LIVING CREATURES.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP HARVESTING THEM FOR FOOD.

OR WHAT?

OR WE'LL BOYCOTT FISHY JOE'S.

YOU'RE VEGETARIANS.

WHO CARES WHAT YOU DO?

UH... SHUT UP!

ANIMALS EAT OTHER ANIMALS.

IT'S NATURE.

NO, IT ISN'T.

WE TAUGHT A LION TO EAT TOFU.

[ Coughing Weakly ]

THE POINT IS, YOU SHOULDN'T EAT THINGS THAT FEEL PAIN.

[ Shrieks ]

OKAY, WE WON'T EAT YOU.

I'LL GO GET SOME MORE BRICKS.

FRY, I WISH YOU'D THROW OUT THESE WEEK-OLD POPPLERS.

THEY'RE GETTING BIG AND SCALY.

OOH, THERE'S ONE LEFT.

MAMA.

[ Gasps ]

[ Giggling ]

STOP!

STOP EATING POPPLERS.

WHY?

MY BOOZE!

POPPLERS ARE INTELLIGENT.

THIS ONE CALLED ME "MAMA."

CONGRATULATIONS.

I ASSUME AMY IS THE FATHER.

POPPLERS CAN'T TALK.

LEELA MUST BE HALLUCINATING

FROM NOT EATING ENOUGH POPPLERS.

HERE, EAT SOME NOW.

NO!

I SAID EAT!

COME ON! MANGIA!

SORRY, BABIES.

LEELA, MAYBE YOU SHOULD LIE DOWN.

YES, LISTEN TO THE FATHER.

I'M TELLING YOU IT SPOKE TO ME.

COME ON, LITTLE POPPLER.

SAY "MAMA."

LOOK, LEELA, EVEN IF YOU HEARD ONE TALK

THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S INTELLIGENT.

I MEAN, PARROTS TALK, AND WE EAT THEM, RIGHT?

YEAH, MAYBE IT JUST LEARNED

TO TALK AS A PARLOR TRICK, LIKE FRY.

[ Parrot-like ] LIKE FRY, LIKE FRY.

THERE'S ONE WAY, AND ONLY ONE WAY

TO DETERMINE IF AN ANIMAL IS INTELLIGENT--

DISSECT ITS BRAIN.

NO! MAMA!

STOP GRANDPA!

[ All Gasping ]

ENOUGH CHITCHAT.

RESTRAIN THE SPECIMEN.

[ Woman ] ...SOME OF THAT SPECIAL SAUCE.

[ Munching Sounds ]

STOP EATING POPPLERS!

THEY CAN TALK!

DON'T STOP TO TALK.

EAT POPPLERS!

HEY, CUT IT OUT.

TAKE A COUPON.

CUT IT OUT.

OW! OOH! OW!

[ Whimpering ]

PEOPLE, I WON'T LET YOU ENTER.

POPPLERS ARE AS INTELLIGENT AS YOU OR ME.

YOU, MAYBE.

[ Groaning ]

[ Bell Ringing ]

HEAR ME! HEAR ME!

STOP EATING POPPLERS!

STOP EATING THEM WITH HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE!

STOP EATING THEM WITH TANGY SWEET- AND-SOUR SAUCE.

STOP EATING THE NEW FIESTA POPPLER SALAD.

STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE MONEY-SAVING 12-PACK.

[ Bomb Whistling ]

STOP ENJOYING POPPLERS ON THE PATIO, IN THE CAR, OR ON THE BOAT--

WHEREVER GOOD TIMES ARE HAD.

OW!

Tonight, on Date Night:

Popplers-- eating them.

Is it all right to?

We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy Joe's

Mr. Fishy Joseph Gillman

noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, Jr.

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

TARANGA?

THAT'S HER NAME, PHILLIP.

PHILLIP?

Fishy Joe, is it wrong

to eat intelligent animals?

Absolutely not, Linda.

I don't think anyone's here to make that claim.

I am.

Me, too.

Listen-- Shut up.

We're talking about a snack

Shut up. that's low in fat

Shut up. and high in profit.

You're crazy, man. He is crazy.

There's not even any strong evidence

that these popplers are intelligent.

Shut up, shut up. That's not true.

I have one right here that can talk.

Shut up.

Come on. Say "Mama."

Caca.

Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong.

Shut up.

I don't think anyone's here to make that claim.

I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us.

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people

is because it tastes lousy.

You're all nuts.

Shut up. Let me talk.

You shut up, please.

No, you shut up, please.

Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served

and that includes cats.

Caca-head.

Mean old caca-head.

Sir, I'm making a point.

If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart

why don't they defend themselves, huh?

Stop it.

I call murder on that.

Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder.

The real issue is...

[ Munching ]

...who's going to stop me?

[ Cackles ]

[ Rumbling ]

[ High-pitched Screeching ]

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties

and crap like I've never seen.

People of Earth, I am Lurr

of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

[ Echoing And Feedback ]

Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

DEAR LORD, THEY'RE BACK.

WE'RE DOOMED.

DOOMED!

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers

come from a nursery planet in our sector.

You monsters have been eating our babies.

[ Disgusted Groans ]

[ Spluttering ]

We demand justice.

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers

and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

[ Cackles ]

[ All Cackling ]

Transmission over.

Well, that went okay.

I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch

that's when you really have to, huh?

Oh... oh, yeah, that feels a lot better.

What?

It's still on?

Oh!

AS CHIEF NEGOTIATOR, I SPEAK FOR ALL OF EARTH

WHEN I MOURN THE REGRETTABLE LOSS OF THE OMICRONIAN YOUNG.

WE SHARE YOUR PAIN.

[ Sighs In Disgust ]

MMM, IF WE COULD UNDO THE DAMAGE...

MMM. THESE WOULD BE GREAT WITH GWACK-A-MOLE.

STOP EATING OUR YOUNG!

AND IT'S PRONOUNCED GUACAMOLE!

MMM. ALL RIGHT. I'M PUTTING THEM AWAY.

[ Eating Noisily ]

[ Sighs In Disgust ]

NOW, UH, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

WE DEMAND...

[ Burps ]

WE DEMAND TO EAT

ONE HUMAN FOR EACH OMICRONIAN THAT WAS EATEN.

FAIR ENOUGH. HOW MANY IS THAT?

198 BILLION, SIR.

VERY WELL.

YOU WILL PROVIDE US WITH 198 BILLION HUMANS

AND, UH, SMALL FRIES.

LURR!

OH, ALL RIGHT, COTTAGE CHEESE.

[ Whispering ] SIR, THERE AREN'T THAT MANY HUMAN BEINGS.

A THOUGHT OCCURS--

THERE AREN'T THAT MANY HUMANS.

WE'LL WAIT A FEW WEEKS WHILE YOU SHORE UP THE NUMBERS.

HMM? 198 BILLION BABIES IN A FEW WEEKS.

WE'LL NEED AN ARMY OF SUPER-VIRILE MEN

SCORING 'ROUND THE CLOCK!

I'LL DO MY PART.

KIFF, CLEAR MY SCHEDULE.

[ Sighs In Disgust ]

[ Rattling ]

[ Audience Murmuring ]

I WISH THEY'D JUST WIPE OUT HUMANITY

AND GET IT OVER WITH.

IT'S THE WAITING I CAN'T STAND.

THAT'S STUPID.

[ Audience Murmuring ]

[ Audience Cheering ]

MY FELLOW EARTHLINGS, WE HAVE REACHED AN AGREEMENT.

USING THE TWIN GUNS OF GRACE AND TACT

I BLASTED OUR WORTHLESS ENEMIES WITH A FAIR COMPROMISE.

[ All Cheering ]

THEY WILL NOT EAT EVERYONE ON EARTH.

I FILLED UP ON NUTS AT THE NEGOTIATION.

INSTEAD, THEY WILL EAT ONLY A SINGLE HUMAN OF THEIR CHOICE.

WE CHOOSE TO EAT THE FIRST EARTHLING WHO ATE OUR OFFSPRING.

HERE IS THE CULPRIT

AS PHOTOGRAPHED BY OUR NANNY-CAM SATELLITE.

SHE MUST BE SACRIFICED

BUT THE REST OF YOU SHALL BE SPARED.

[ Cheering ]

BOO!

BOO!

[ Audience Murmuring ]

[ Woman ] TONIGHT

THE WORLD WATCHES IN HORROR AS AN EARTHLING IS EATEN ALIVE

ON NETWORK TELEVISION.

THIS GRIM SCENE OF UNIMAGINABLE CARNAGE

IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY FISHY JOE'S.

TRY OUR NEW EXTREME WALRUS JUICE.

100% FRESH-SQUEEZED WALRUS.

RIDE THE WALRUS.

[ Announcer ] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

THE OMICRONIANS!

GREETINGS, EARTH MORSELS.

[ Audience Booing ]

[ Man ] YOU SUCK!

GET A JOB!

I'LL MISS YOU, LEELA.

I KNOW YOU'RE JUST A CARBON-BASED LIFE-FORM

BUT I'LL ALWAYS THINK OF YOU

AS A BIG PILE OF TITANIUM.

[ Crying ]

WHAT BENDER MEANS IS, YOU'RE REALLY BRAVE

AND SMART AND BEAUTIFUL AND A GREAT FRIEND.

JUST LIKE TITANIUM.

[ Sobbing ]

THIS IS ALL A BIG LOAD.

I WAS THE ONE TRYING TO SAVE THE POPPLERS.

YOU WERE SUCKING THEM DOWN LIKE THE FAT HOG YOU ARE

AND Y WERE STEPPING ON THEM FOR FUN.

YOU BOTH SHOULD BE IN HERE

INSTEAD OF ME.

SOMEONE'S ACTING AWFULLY ALUMINUM.

LEELA, MY SWEET, I'VE COME TO SAVE YOU.

I HAVE A DEVIOUS PLAN.

OH, GREAT. CAPTAIN MORON HAS A PLAN.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL IT TO WINGUS AND DINGUS HERE?

WINGUS, DINGUS, LISTEN UP.

WE'RE GOING TO GIVE THE ALIENS THE OLD SWITCHEROO.

YOU MEAN...?

CORRECT.

I FOUND A GIANT, HIDEOUS APE

THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE LEELA.

[ Leela ] IT DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE ME.

THE HAIR IS ALL WRONG.

DON'T WORRY, KIFF IS AN EXPERT STYLIST

AS YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE.

MMM!

[ Sighs In Disgust ]

YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK.

THE OMICRONIANS SEEM TO HAVE TROUBLE

TELLING ONE PERSON FROM ANOTHER.

TRUE. AT THE NEGOTIATIONS, THEY THOUGHT KIFF HERE

WAS THE STATESMAN AND I WAS A JABBERING MENTAL PATIENT.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, KIFF?

PLEASE, I'M CREATING.

VOILA!

[ Bender ] BINGO!

THAT'S LEELA.

I'M SEEING DOUBLE.

I GROW HUNGRY.

BRING ON THE ONE CALLED "LEELA."

THAT COMES WITH SALAD OR SOUP.

UH, SALAD.

RANCH OR VINAIGRETTE?

VINAIGRETTE.

BALSAMIC OR RASPBERRY?

[ Ray Gun Whine ]

[ Audience Murmuring ]

[ Murmuring Continues ]

PEOPLE OF EARTH...

SHH!

[ Murmuring Continues ]

HMM.

HMM.

MM-HMM.

YES, THIS IS THE ONE, DEFINITELY.

I RECOGNIZE HER SLUMPING POSTURE AND HAIRY KNUCKLES.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HUMAN WITH YOUR SALT?

[ TV Announcer ] THIS IS IT.

IF THE ALIENS FALL FOR ZAPP'S PLOY

THE EARTH WILL BE SAVED.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY FISHY JOE'S.

RIDE THE WALRUS.

[ Groaning ]

[ Waterfall ] WAIT! STOP!

IT'S A TRICK! THAT'S NOT LEELA!

[ Audience Booing ] WHA-WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I'M LOSING THE CROWD.

IT'S AN ORANGUTAN

ONE OF MOTHER EARTH'S MOST PRECIOUS CREATURES.

HMM.

WHY'D YOU OPEN YOUR BONGHOLE, YOU SMELLY HIPPIE?

YOU'D SACRIFICE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

TO SAVE A MODERATELY ATTRACTIVE MONKEY?

YOU MUST'VE SMOKED SOME BAD GRANOLA.

THE ONE CALLED "SMELLY HIPPIE" IS RIGHT.

THIS IS A MONKEY.

YES, DEFINITELY.

WHERE IS THE REAL FEMALE?

I'LL NEVER TELL.

WHERE IS THE REAL FEMALE?

I'LL GET HER FOR YOU.

I REALIZE THIS MAY HURT OUR CHANCES

OF CONSUMMATING OUR RELATIONSHIP AGAIN.

GO CONSUMMATE YOURSELF.

STOP TALKING!

YOU'RE GETTING COLD!

PLEASE!

I JUST PAID OFF MY CAR!

NO!

I CAN'T LOOK.

[ Growling ]

STOP!

[ Panting ]

PEOPLE OF EARTH

I AM JURR OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI I EIGHT.

COULD SOMEONE LOWER THIS THING FOR ME?

NOW, THEN, IF LEELA GETS EATEN

I GET EATEN!

[ Audience Gasps ]

LITTLE ONE, GET OUT OF THERE!

I'M GOING TO COUNT TO BLARKS.

BUT ELDER ONE...

FLINGLE, GLORG, GLORG-AND-A-GLOOB...

HEAR ME OUT!

THERE ARE MANY GOOD REASONS TO EAT:

HUNGER, BOREDOM

WANTING TO BE THE WORLD'S FATTEST MAN

BUT NOT REVENGE.

ARE WE NO BETTER THAN THEY?

BESIDES, LEELA'S MY FRIEND.

[ Mumbling ] IS THIS TRUE, EARTHLING?

[ Mumbling Reply ]

LEELA'S GARBLED WORDS HAVE OPENED MY EYES.

[ Audience Cheers ]

[ Giggles ]

OKAY, THAT'S A START.

THAT'S VERY EARTH-FRIENDLY.

NOW, EVERYONE JOIN HANDS!

JOIN HANDS, PLEASE!

I'D LIKE TO LEAD YOU ALL IN SOME SWAYING.

COME ON. PAY ATTENTION.

I SAID DO IT!

YEAH. IS HE YOUR FRIEND, TOO?

NO.

AAH!

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

[ Audience Cheers ]

[ Groaning ]

OOH, I THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING FUNNY IN THAT HIPPIE.

THANK YOU, JURR.

I HOPE YOU'LL ALWAYS THINK OF ME AS YOUR MOM.

WHEN MY SPECIES GROWS UP, WE EAT OUR MOMS.

WHOOP!

PEOPLE OF EARTH...

OOH, THAT HIPPIE'S STARTING TO KICK IN.

WE'VE ALL LEARNED AN IMPORTANT LESSON TODAY.

I REALIZE NOW THAT...

DUDE, MY HANDS ARE HUGE.

[ Audience Murmuring ]

THEY CAN TOUCH ANYTHING BUT THEMSELVES.

OH, WAIT.

LET'S GO.

OOH.

HMM?

WHOA-HO-HO.

WHOO.

YEAH...

[ Chuckles ]

WHOA, I FEEL LIKE I'M FLYING.

A TOAST TO LEELA.

SHE SHOWED US IT'S WRONG TO EAT CERTAIN THINGS.

HEAR, HEAR! LET'S GET DRUNK!

AW, THANKS, GUYS.

PASS THE VEAL, PLEASE.

MMM, LET ME GET SOME

OF THAT SUCKLING PIG.

WHO WANTS DOLPHIN?

[ Others Gasp ] DOLPHIN?

BUT DOLPHINS ARE INTELLIGENT.

NOT THIS ONE.

HE BLEW ALL HIS MONEY ON INSTANT LOTTERY TICKETS.

OH. THAT'S DIFFERENT.

PASS THE BLOWHOLE.

CAN I HAVE A FLUKE?

HEY, QUITE HOGGIN' THE BOTTLENOSE.

[ Farnsworth ] TOSS ME THE SPEECH CENTER OF THE BRAIN.