Original subtitles

[ Whirring ]

[ Barking ]

[ Whimpering ]

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE.

SEVERAL YEARS AGO, I TRIED TO LOG ON

TO A.O.L., AND IT JUST WENT THROUGH.

WHEE!

WE'RE ON-LINE.

GO AHEAD, GET INTO THESE NET SUITS.

I DESIGNED AND TESTED THEM MYSELF.

THEY SMELL LIKE BURNING RHESUS MONKEY.

REALLY? I GUESS WHEN YOU'RE AROUND IT ALL DAY

YOU STOP NOTICING.

OFF YOU GO.

BEHOLD!

THE INTERNET!

MY GOD.

IT'S FULL OF ADS.

[ Ads Screaming ]

[ Both Moaning ]

WHOO!

[ Karate Yell ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Squawking Approaching ]

FOLLOW ME.

[ Squawking Continues ]

[ Fry ] IT'S IMMENSE.

IT'S GOT EVERY PIECE OF INFORMATION

ANYONE COULD EVER WANT.

SO I SEE.

[ Hooting And Laughing ]

WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WOW!

[ People Chattering ]

HEY, THAT'S ME.

NO, IT ISN'T.

I JUST TOOK SOME PICTURES OF YOUR FACE

AND STUCK THEM ON SOMEONE ELSE'S BODY.

HEY...

ARE YOU OVER 18?

YES.

YES.

HI.

I'M TELLING YOU, FRY

THEY'VE GOT A CHAT ROOM FOR EVERYBODY.

AND HERE IT IS.

EWW. THAT IS SO GROSS.

YEAH.

I'LL STICK WITH THIS ONE, THANK YOU.

YEAH.

[ All Murmuring ]

[ Chuckling ]

HI.

I'M A NAUGHTY NURSE

AND I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

$9.95 A MINUTE.

OH. YOU'RE A DOLLAR NAUGHTIER THAN MOST.

SO, HOW ABOUT THEM KNICKS?

[ Clicking Tongue ] [ Groans ]

HELLO? ARE THERE ANY GIRLS IN THIS ROOM AT ALL?

YEAH. BRING ON THE HOT CHICKS

'CAUSE I'M A HOT STUD.

[ Men ] YEAH.

SO ARE WE.

I'M A WOMAN IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.

[ Men Murmuring ]

I DON'T LIKE TO PLAY GAMES, SO I'LL JUST SAY I'M A CYCLOPS.

I'M A SPACESHIP CAPTAIN; I'M THE ONLY ONE OF MY SPECIES,

AND I'M INTERESTED IN MEETING A MAN.

A WOMAN?

I'M SCARED.

WELL, THANKS TO THE INTERNET, I'M NOW BORED WITH SEX.

IS THERE A PLACE ON THE WEB THAT PANDERS TO MY LUST FOR VIOLENCE?

IS THE SPACE POPE REPTILIAN?

[ Hermes ] GET READY FOR FUN, FRY.

NOWADAYS WE HAVE A TYPE OF GAME PLAYED ENTIRELY ON VIDEO.

[ Leela ] WE CALL IT A VIDEO GAME.

A VIDEO GAME, YOU SAY?

WELL, GOLLY GEE.

YOU MIGHTY SPACEMEN OF THE FUTURE

WILL HAVE TO SHOW ME HOW IT WORKS.

♪♪ [ Up-tempo Techno ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Groans ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Evil Laughter ]

THE DOCTOR IS IN.

THE DOCTOR IS OUT.

EVERYONE, PLEASE SIGN OFF.

WE HAVE A DELIVERY.

PLUS I HAVE TO USE THE PHONE TO...

[ Laughing ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Grunting ]

LEELA, PLEASE TELL THE OTHERS THAT...

[ Screaming ]

WHOA.

[ Groaning ]

[ Screams ]

[ Sighs ]

WHO ARE YOU?

I SAW YOU IN THE CHAT ROOM

BUT YOU LEFT BEFORE I HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU.

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF SEARCHING FOR ANOTHER CYCLOPS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I'VE DREAMED OF THIS MOMENT ALL MY LIFE.

DO YOU THINK PERHAPS, YOU AND I...

HA-HA!

FRY, YOU IDIOT.

EVER SINCE I WAS ABANDONED ON EARTH

I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR WHO MY PEOPLE ARE

AND WHERE THEY COME FROM.

THEN I FINALLY MEET ANOTHER CYCLOPS AND YOU BLAST HIM.

YOU WRECKED MY ONE CHANCE TO LEARN WHO I AM.

OH, LEELA, I FEEL TERRIBLE.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN EVER DO...

GOTCHA.

I WON!

I'M THE GREATEST!

[ Laughing ]

COME ON. WE HAVE WORK TO DO.

[ Groans ]

[ Sighs ]

ARE YOU STILLMAD AT ME FOR WRECKING

YOUR ONCE-IN-A- LIFETIME CHANCE

TO LEARN THE MEANING OF YOUR EXISTENCE?

NO. I'M JUST HAPPY YOU WERE ABLE TO WIN A VIDEO GAME.

NOW LET'S CONCENTRATE ON GETTING THIS DESPERATELY NEEDED POPCORN

TO THE PEOPLE OF CINEPLEX FOURTEEN, OKAY?

[ Computer ] Leela, you've got mail.

[ Sighs ]

It's not spam.

HUH?

IT'S HIM.

To Leela.

Subject, hello. I am Alcazar.

Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name

before I was dispatched by that oafish moron.

KICKED YOUR ASS.

Leela, we have much to discuss.

Please come join me on the planet of your birth.

Coordinates follow.

WELL, TOO BAD WE'VE GOT

TO MAKE THAT URGENT POPCORN DELIVERY.

[ Leela ] IT'LL GET THERE.

[ Leela ] AFTER A WHOLE LIFE OF SEARCHING

I MAY FINALLY HAVE FOUND WHERE I BELONG.

TOO BAD IT'S A DUMP.

LOOK AT THAT STATUE.

IT'S ONLY GOT ONE EYE.

LAZY SCULPTOR.

[ Man ] WELCOME HOME, LEELA.

ALCAZAR?

ARE YOU REAL

OR AM I SEEING SINGLE?

OW.

OF COURSE, I'M REAL.

AFTER ALL THIS TIME, SOMEBODY ELSE WITH ONE EYE

WHO ISN'T A CLUMSY CARPENTER OR A KID WITH A B.B. GUN.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, LEELA.

YOU'LL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN.

COME.

LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO YOURSELF.

DO YOU MIND IF YOUR SERVANTS WALK?

NOT AT ALL.

[ Evil Laughter ]

[ Alcazar ] WE ARE THE LAST REMAINING CYCLOPES.

OUR PLANET IS CYCLOPIA.

THIS IS THE CAPITOL, CYCLOPS CITY.

STOP ME IF I'M GOING TOO FAST FOR YOU.

SO MUCH INFORMATION, AND YET, SOMEHOW

I FEEL AS IF I KNOW IT ALL ALREADY.

THIS SACRED MOSAIC DEPICTS OUR GODDESS OF BEAUTY.

HMM. YOU GOT ANY SACRED ARTWORK OF HER FROM THE BACK?

HER PERFECT EYE REMINDS ME OF YOURS, LEELA.

HAD OUR RACE SURVIVED

YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN A TEMPLE PRIESTESS

OR A SUPERMODEL.

OH, PLEASE. REALLY?

[ Goofy Humming ]

AND THERE'S THE INFAMOUS PIRATE PURPLE BEARD,

SCOURGE OF THE SIX SEAS.

WHAT'S OVER THAT HILL?

[ Alcazar ] THE FORBIDDEN VALLEY--

A HOLY SANCTUARY WHERE NO ONE MAY TREAD.

IS THAT ANYTHING LIKE A CEMETERY?

'CAUSE I GOT TO TAKE A LEAK. OW!

FRY, THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO OUR PEOPLE.

ISN'T IT?

OW.

THIS IS MY HOME.

I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK LESS OF ME

BECAUSE I LIVE IN A GIANT CASTLE.

OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.

IF ANYTHING, I'M MOREIMPRESSED.

OOH. I'M GOING TO NEED TO MAKE SOME ROOM.

AND HERE IS WHERE I DREAM MY LONELY DREAMS

AND COOK MY SIMPLE MEALS.

IT'S ALL SO SAD.

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR PEOPLE?

[ Sighing ]

THAT'S TOO PAINFUL TO SPEAK OF NOW.

COME. I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR QUARTERS.

[ Whistling Casually ]

[ Clangs ]

OW. OW. OW.

[ Alcazar Sobbing ]

I HEARD YOU FROM MY ROOM.

WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING.

IT'S JUST...

NO, LEELA.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE TEARS IN YOUR PERFECT EYE.

PLEASE. IS IT ABOUT THE FATE OF OUR PEOPLE?

BECAUSE I'M VERY INTERESTED IN THAT.

WELL, OKAY

BUT IT'S CHILLY

AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE ALL WET FROM THE TEARS.

LET'S GO INTO MY CHAMBER.

IT WASN'T LONG AGO

OUR PEOPLE WERE HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS

BUT THE EYELESS MOLE PEOPLE OF SUB-TERRA THREE

GREW JEALOUS OF OUR VISUAL PROWESS.

THEY FIRED MISSILES IN ALL DIRECTIONS

HOPING TO HIT CYCLOPIA.

UNFORTUNATELY, ONE OF THE 40 PLANETS HIT WAS OURS.

HOW FAR AWAY DO YOU THINK IT IS?

A TRILLION MILES?

[ Alcazar ] THINGS GOT HOT.

YOU LOOK A LITTLE HOT, ACTUALLY.

YOU COULD TAKE OFF THAT JACKET.

OUR PEOPLE DON'T LIKE TO BE HOT.

ANYWAY, JUST BEFORE THE IMPACT

OUR SMARTEST SCIENTIST MANAGED TO SAVE ONE BABY.

[ Crying ]

ALCAZAR, I USED TO BE A BABY.

IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ME.

[ Alcazar ] FORTUNATELY, I WAS EMPLOYED AS A POOL CLEANER AT THE TIME

AND, WHEN I EMERGED FROM RETRIEVING A DEAD POSSUM

I FOUND I WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT.

[ Anguished Cry ]

IT'S SO TRAGIC.

YES, BUT THE REAL TRAGEDY

IS THAT OUR RACE ENDS WITH US.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU'RE A MALE.

AND I'M A FEMALE.

I'M STILL NOT FOLLOWING YOU.

[ Smooching Sounds And Moaning ]

WAKE UP, MY KING.

[ Grunting, Hacking And Spitting ]

OH, GEEZ, WHAT A NIGHT.

MAKE ME SOME COFFEE, WOULD YA?

UH, SURE. OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU TAKE WITH THAT?

PANCAKES AND SAUSAGE.

KITCHEN'S IN THE BASEMENT; PANS ARE IN THE ATTIC.

MAYBE AFTER BREAKFAST

WE CAN TALK ABOUT REBUILDING OUR CIVILIZATION.

[ Snoring ]

MMM. GREAT PANCAKES, LEELA.

YEAH, THEY'LL COME IN HANDY

IF I NEED TO COVER ANY TINY MANHOLES.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Laughing ]

LISTEN, HON

WE DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE SLOBS

IN FRONT OF THE OTHER SPECIES, DO WE?

NO.

SO GET TO WORK ON THESE DISHES.

THEN ORGANIZE MY COLLECTION

OF NAKED CELEBRITY PHOTOS BY WHAT YOU CAN SEE.

LOOK, ALCAZAR...

CALL ME AL.

LOOK, AL

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN LIVING ALONE A LONG TIME

AND I CAN SYMPATHIZE

BUT I'M NOT YOUR MAID.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

I GUESS THE RELATIONSHIP ISN'T GOING TO WORK OUT.

SO MUCH FOR THE CYCLOPS RACE.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD RACE BUT...

OKAY, OKAY.

I'LL DO THE DISHES.

HEY, WHERE'D THEY GO?

[ Clanking ]

AH. LEELA IS EXPERIENCING

THE GREATEST JOY A WOMAN CAN FEEL--

WORSHIPPING SOME LOWLIFE JERK.

HE MAY BE SOME LOWLIFE JERK

BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM.

I THINK HE'S HIDING SOMETHING

AND I'M GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS.

[ Fiendish Laughter ]

TRY AND STOP ME.

[ Screaming ]

AL?

I DID MY HAIR THE WAY YOU WANTED IT.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

FRIENDS.

HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS COUCH

AND THAT TV SET AND ALL THIS STUFF?

THEY WERE GIVING IT AWAY ON THE STREET CORNER

JUST LIKE YOU, LEELA.

[ Whooping And Hooting ]

TOO BAD THEY WEREN'T GIVING AWAY

THE THREE THINGS YOU ACTUALLY NEED--

MOUTHWASH, A BACK WAX, AND STAIN-PROOF UNDERWEAR.

[ Whooping And Hooting ]

YOU GO, GIRL!

BY THE WAY, YOUR PAL FRY FELL INTO THE DUNGEON.

TAKE HIM A TACO SO HE DOESN'T DIE AND STINK UP THE PLACE.

COME ON, AL.

CAN'T YOU LET THE LITTLE GUY OUT?

GEEZ, LEELA, TWICE IN ONE DAY?

I'M NOT SUPERMAN.

[ Whooping And Hooting ]

WHY WERE YOU SNEAKING

INTO MY PEOPLE'S FORBIDDEN VALLEY?

'CAUSE I THINK ALCAZAR'S HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU.

LISTEN, LEELA, YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT.

YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE IT. YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.

BUT ALCAZAR'S A JERK. HE'S BAD FOR YOU. HE--

I KNOW.

YOU DO?

FRY, IF IT'S OBVIOUS TO YOU

WITH YOUR LEARNING DISABILITY

THEN, OF COURSE, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME.

HE'S CRUDE AND GROSS, AND HE TREATS ME LIKE A SLAVE.

THEN DUMP HIS ONE-EYED ASS.

I CAN'T.

IF I LEAVE ALCAZAR

THAT'S THE END OF THE CYCLOPS RACE

AND I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN

EVEN IF IT MEANS A LIFETIME OF UNHAPPINESS.

[ Toilet Flushing ]

[ Alcazar ] LEELA, MOP UP IN AISLE NUMBER TWO.

[ Animals Laughing And Hooting ]

I'LL BREAK UP WITH HIM AT DINNER.

I'LL BE THERE.

YO, LEELA, WHAT GIVES?

PIG SAYS YOUR SLOP TASTES LIKE CRAP.

YEAH, LIKE CRAP.

[ Snorting ]

COME ON, LEELA.

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS GUY.

DUMP HIM ALREADY.

I'M TRYING.

[ Clinking ]

HEY, EVERYONE, JAM A SOCK IN YOUR SPIT FAUCETS.

NOT LONG AGO, I SPENT MY LONELY NIGHTS

RENTING SLASHER FLICKS WITH RAT MAN

AND HIS GIRLFRIEND.

BUT THEN A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ARRIVED...

STOP EATING, PIG!

AND SHE BROUGHT NEW HOPE FOR ME

AND OUR ONCE-GREAT CIVILIZATION.

NOW, A MILLION CENTURIES OF CYCLOPS DESTINY

DEPEND ON THE ANSWER TO ONE QUESTION.

LEELA, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

NO. NO.

YES, I WILL!

OH!

THEY'REGETTING MARRIED.

CONGRATULATIONS, LEELA.

[ All Congratulating ]

GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

IT'S A MAGICAL DAY.

WELCOME!

PSST! LEELA!

YOU'VE GOT TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

IT'S HORRIBLE-- EATING SCRAPS

LETTING MY WASTE DROP WHEREVER IT FALLS

LIKE AN ANIMAL IN A ZOO.

ANIMALS GO IN THE CORNER.

THE CORNER.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

LOOK, FRY, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU

BUT IT'S MY WEDDING, AND I'M KIND OF BUSY.

HERE. TRY TO BE HAPPY FOR ME.

THAT WAY, AT LEAST ONE OF US WILL BE.

THAT'S IT.

IT'S TIME FOR THIS BIRD TO WALK.

[ Grunting ]

[ Giddy Laughter ]

OW!

[ Groans ]

BENDER!

COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO GET SOME DIRT ON ALCAZAR.

LET'S GO FIND OUT WHAT MAKES THE FORBIDDEN VALLEY SO FORBIDDEN.

EH, NO THANKS. I'M GOOD.

BUT THERE'S PROBABLY SOME COOL FORBIDDEN STUFF YOU CAN STEAL.

I DON'T KNOW, FRY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I FEEL LIKE...

I'VE STOLEN ENOUGH.

BENDER, SNAP OUT OF IT.

[ Sputtering ]

SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME.

LET'S GO!

♪ I LOVE STEALIN' ♪

♪ I LOVE TAKIN' THINGS ♪

[ Yawns ]

[ Plays Reggae "Here Comes The Bride" ]

[ Raspberry ]

THAT PIG OVER THERE IS WEARING THE SAME SANDALS AS ME.

[ Lizards Snarl And Hiss ]

COME ON, BOY, JUMP!

GOOD BOY.

[ Bender ] WHOA, MITTENS.

[ Lizard Screeches ]

[ Fry And Bender Gasp ]

MY GOD!

FOUR IDENTICAL CASTLES.

EACH MORE IDENTICAL THAN THE LAST.

[ Fry ] THAT'S WEIRD.

IT'S ANOTHER CYCLOPS.

ONLY THIS ONE HAS FIVE EYES.

AND HERE'S ANOTHER ONE WITH NOEYES.

DOES ANYONE HAVE A REASON WHY THIS COUPLE

SHALL NOT BE JOINED

IN THE IRREVOCABLE SHACKLES OF HOLY BLISS?

SAVING A RACE OF ONE-EYED MONSTERS?

WHO COULD OBJECT TO THAT?

CUT TO THE CHASE, PREACH.

DO YOU, ALCAZAR, TAKE THIS WOMAN...

POORER, IN SICKNESS, TO LOVE, DEATH, PART?

YEAH, SURE, I DO. COME ON-- FASTER!

DO YOU, LEELA, COPY AND PASTE HIS RESPONSE

TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?

I... D--

[ Lizards Screeching ]

[ All Gasping ]

OH, MY GOD.

[ Squeals ]

WHAT THE...?

HEY, ALCAZAR,

YOU LEFT SOMEBODY OFF THE GUEST LIST.

[ Panting ] ALCAZAR!

[ Italian Accent ] WHY YOU ARE SO LATE

FOR OUR WEDDING?

AND WHY YOU HAVE ONLY ONE EYE?

IT'S... [ Chuckles ]

OOH.

UH, HEY, SWEETIE.

JUST GO BACK TO THE CASTLE AND WAIT FOR ME.

[ Gasping ] SHE... SHE'S NUTS.

I CAN MORPH INTO A FIVE-EYED ALIEN

AND I KIND OFSAID I'D MARRY HER.

BUT I'M REALLY A CYCLOPS

AND I'M REALLY GOING TO MARRY YOU.

OH, YEAH? THEN WHAT ABOUT THIS?

UH... [ Chuckles ]

UH... THIS IS A BIT AWKWARD.

WHO'S A-SHE?

WHO'S SHE?

WHO ARE THEY?

GO BACK TO THE CASTLE, SANDY.

AND MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO MEET HER

AND HER.

UH, EH, UH...

THIS, UM... [ Chuckling ]

LEELA...

THIS MUST ALL BE VERY CONFUSING.

A LITTLE.

THAT'S WHY I'VE DECIDED TO HURT YOU

UNTIL YOU EXPLAIN IT.

[ Yelling And Grunting ]

SHOW US YOUR REALFORM.

YEAH!

DO IT!

[ Snorts ]

WELL, THIS IS THE REAL ME, BUT I CAN EXPLAIN.

WE ALL HAVE NEEDS.

MINE WAS TO MAKE IT WITH FIVE WEIRDOS

AND HAVE THEM SCRUB MY FIVE CASTLES.

I GAVE YOU ALL WHAT YOU WANTED

AND, OF COURSE, I MADE A FEW BUCKS LETTING PIG

WATCH THROUGH THE TWO-WAY MIRROR.

CAN ANY OF YOU SAY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE

THE EXACT SAME THING IN MY POSITION?

[ Weeping ] HE'S A SAINT.

BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE ALL FIVE WEDDINGS ON THE SAME DAY?

HEY, LADY, YOU GOT ANY IDEA WHAT IT COSTS

TO RENT A TUX THAT CHANGES SHAPE?

ALL RIGHT, ALCAZAR.

I JUST HAVE ONE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU.

WHAT'S THAT?

IF YOU COULD CHANGE FORM

WHY DIDN'T YOU CHANGE IT IN THE ONEPLACE THAT COUNTS?

[ Whooping And Jeering ]

[ Farnsworth Laughs Alone ]

[ Bender Humming ]

THANKS FOR SAVING ME FROM THAT CREEP, FRY.

HEY, THAT'S WHAT I DO.

I GUESS I WAS SO DESPERATE TO FIND OUT WHO I REALLY WAS

I FORGOT WHO I REALLY WAS.

NO HARM DONE.

IN THE MANY DECADES YOU'LL WORK TO REPAY ME

FOR THAT SHIPMENT OF POPCORN YOU DESTROYED

YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO SEARCH FOR YOUR TRUE HOME.

YEAH.

I MEAN, HOW MANY PLANETS CAN THERE BE?