Original subtitles

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE.

WE'VE GOT A VERY SPECIAL DELIVERY TODAY.

WHO'S IT GOING TO?

ME.

ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE.

NO, I NEED IT SHIPPED TO MY OFFICE

AT MARS UNIVERSITY.

IT'S A LITTLE EXPERIMENT

THAT MAY WELL WIN ME THE NOBEL PRIZE.

IN WHAT FIELD?

I DON'T CARE.

THEY ALL PAY THE SAME.

IS IT DANGEROUS?

ON, MY, NO.

[ Low Growling ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Thud ]

OFF WE GO.

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

BACK IN THE 20th CENTURY, WE HAD NO IDEA

THERE WAS A UNIVERSITY ON MARS.

WELL, IN THOSE DAYS, MARS WAS

JUST A DREARY, UNINHABITABLE WASTELAND, MUCH LIKE UTAH.

BUT UNLIKE UTAH

IT WAS EVENTUALLY MADE LIVABLE

WHEN THE UNIVERSITY WAS FOUNDED IN 2636.

THEY PLANTED TRADITIONAL COLLEGE FOLIAGE:

IVY, TREES, HEMP.

SOON, THE WHOLE PLANET WAS TERRA-FORMED.

DOES THAT MEAN IT'S SAFE TO BREATHE THE AIR?

OF COURSE.

[ Inhales Deeply ]

OVER HERE IS WONG LIBRARY.

IT HAS THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF LITERATURE

IN THE WESTERN UNIVERSE.

[ Fry Whistles ]

HEY, LOOK!

THERE'S A CHAPTER OF MY OLD ROBOT FRATERNITY.

EPSILON RHO RHO.

YOU WENT TO COLLEGE?

OF COURSE.

I'M A BENDER.

I WENT TO BENDING COLLEGE.

I MAJORED IN BENDING.

WHAT WAS YOUR MINOR?

ROBO-AMERICAN STUDIES.

ARE YOU HERE TO FUMIGATE THE MOOSE HEAD?

UH, NO.

ACTUALLY, I'M AN EPSILON FROM WAY BACK.

[ Whirring And Clanking ]

AH, CLOSE ENOUGH.

COME ON IN.

THANKS.

HERE'S YOUR FINGER BACK.

ALL THE COOLEST ROBOTS ARE IN THIS FRATERNITY.

MATE IN 143 MOVES.

OH, POO. YOU WIN AGAIN.

OH-OH! NERDS.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M GEARSHIFT, CHAPTER PRESIDENT.

THIS IS OILY, AND THIS HERE IS FAT-BOT.

YOU'RE ALL LOSERS.

- MY NAME'S BENDER. - [ All Gasp ]

BENDER FROM BENDING STATE BENDER?

WOW! YOU'RE A LEGEND AROUND HERE.

I HEARD THAT IN ONE SINGLE NIGHT

YOU DRANK A WHOLE KEG, STREAKED ACROSS CAMPUS

AND CRAMMED 58 HUMANS INTO A PHONE BOOTH.

YEAH, WELL, A LOT OF THEM WERE CHILDREN.

ANYWAY, I SHOULD GET GOING.

NO, BENDER, WAIT.

WE'RE THE LAMEST FRAT ON CAMPUS.

EVEN HILLEL HAS BETTER PARTIES THAN US.

PLEASE, YOU'VE GOT TO STAY

AND TEACH US HOW TO BE COOL.

HMM...

OKAY, BUT I'LL NEED TEN KEGS OF BEER

A CONTINUOUS TAPE OF "LOUIE, LOUIE"

AND A REGULATION TWO-STORY, PANTY-RAID LADDER.

OH, BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY!

I TELL YOU, BEING HERE REALLY TAKES ME BACK

TO MY COLLEGE DAYS.

STEP RIGHT UP.

WHO WANTS TO LEARN PHYSICS?

[ Man ] KEEP YOUR HANDS INSIDE THE CAR AT ALL TIMES.

GOOD OLD CONEY ISLAND COLLEGE.

GO, WHITEFISH!

DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, FRY

BUT YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE THE EDUCATED TYPE.

OH, YEAH?

READ IT AND WEEP.

I'M A CERTIFIED COLLEGE DROPOUT.

PLEASE.

EVERYONE KNOWS 20th CENTURY COLLEGES

WERE BASICALLY EXPENSIVE DAY CARE CENTERS.

THAT'S TRUE.

BY CURRENT ACADEMIC STANDARDS

YOU'RE MERELY A HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT.

WHAT?! THAT'S NOT FAIR.

I DESERVE THE SAME RESPECT ANY OTHER COLLEGE DROPOUT GETS.

BY GOD, I'M GOING TO ENROLL HERE AT MARS UNIVERSITY

AND DROP OUT ALL OVER AGAIN.

YOU WON'T LAST TWO WEEKS.

AH, THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME.

YO, CLASSMATE, WHATCHA TAKING?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

PROFESSOR, WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING THIS SEMESTER?

SAME THING I TEACH EVERY SEMESTER.

"THE MATHEMATICS OF QUANTUM NEUTRINO FIELDS."

I MADE UP THE TITLE SO THAT NO STUDENT WOULD DARE TAKE IT.

"MATHEMATICS OF WONTON BURRITO MEALS."

I'LL BE THERE.

PLEASE, FRY.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TEACH.

I'M A PROFESSOR.

SEE YOU IN CLASS.

[ Exasperated Growl ]

THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.

[ Bender ] BINGO.

OH, MAMA. [ Wolf Whistles ]

OH, YEAH.

SOMEONE'S BEEN A BAD COMPUTER.

[ Robots Gasp ]

[ Bender ] GET A LOAD OF THAT!

[ All Yelling ]

[ Loud Crashing ]

I SAY

YOU'VE DAMAGED OUR SERVANTS QUARTERS

AND OUR SERVANTS.

THIS TIME, ROBOT HOUSE HAS GONE TOO FAR.

CHEESE IT!

HEY, HUH?

PRETTY NICE FOR A SINGLE.

TWO DESKS, TWO CHAIRS, A COUPLE OF BEDS

[ Knocking ]

A WOODPECKER.

I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY YOUR ROOMMATE.

OH, RIGHT, COOL.

COME ON IN, ROOMIE.

WHAT THE--

I CALL TOP BUNK.

[ Spits ] [ Sighs ]

MY ROOMMATE'S A MONKEY? BRILLIANT DEDUCTION.

YOU'RE A CREDIT TO YOUR SPECIES.

AH, FRY. I SEE YOU'VE MET GUENTER.

YOU KNOW EACH OTHER?

GUENTER IS MY EXPERIMENT.

HE WAS THE TOP-SECRET CONTENTS OF THIS STINKING CRATE.

I'D RATHER LIVE IN A CRATE

THAN SHARE A ROOM WITH THIS DORK.

SO WHAT MAKES GUENTER TALK?

IS HE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED?

OH, PLEASE.

THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS SCIENCE FICTION MUMBO JUMBO.

GUENTER'S INTELLIGENCE ACTUALLY LIES

IN HIS ELECTRONIUM HAT

WHICH HARNESSES THE POWER OF SUNSPOTS

TO PRODUCE COGNITIVE RADIATION.

YOU'RE WASTING YOUR BREATH, PROFESSOR.

HE'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND A WORD OF IT.

I UNDERSTOOD THE WORD "HAT."

PLEASE, STOP BICKERING.

I ARRANGED THAT YOU BE ROOMMATES FOR A REASON...

SO I'D ONLY HAVE TO REMEMBER ONE PHONE NUMBER.

NOW SHAKE HANDS AND MAKE UP.

YOU WANT A BANANA?

I DON'T EAT BANANAS.

I PREFER BANANA-FLAVORED ENERGY BARS MADE FROM TOFU.

I DON'T LIKE YOU.

[ Beeps ]

[ Chuckles ]

THIS IS GOING TO BE A CAKE WALK.

WELCOME TO THE HISTORY OF THE 20th CENTURY.

LOOK TO YOUR LEFT, THEN TO YOUR RIGHT.

THEN IN NINE OTHER DIRECTIONS.

ONE OF THE 12 OF YOU WILL NOT PASS THIS CLASS.

BORING.

LET'S HEAR ABOUT WALTER MONDALE ALREADY.

BE FOREWARNED.

THE ONLY SURE WAY TO GET AN "A" IN THIS CLASS

IS TO HAVE LIVED IN THE 20th CENTURY.

SWISH.

[ Beeping ]

[ Electrical Crackling ]

YOU WERE SAYING, MR. FRY?

I'M FROM THE 20th CENTURY.

GO AHEAD. ASK ME ANYTHING.

VERY WELL. WHAT DEVICE INVENTED IN THE 20th CENTURY

ALLOWED PEOPLE TO VIEW BROADCAST PROGRAMS

IN THEIR OWN HOMES?

OH, I KNOW THIS. WHAT DO YOU CALL IT? LITE-BRITE.

[ Electrical Crackling ]

[ Scoffing Chuckle ] I BELIEVE THE ANSWER IS THE TELEVISION.

VERY GOOD, MR. GUENTER.

WOW.

SMART AND CUTE.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT BEING DEAN OF STUDENTS

IS THE PEACE AND QUIET AND THE RESPECT I RECEIVE.

[ Phone Rings ]

NOW WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?

[ Woman ] Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here.

ROBOT HOUSE.

HEY, DEAN.

NICE LOOKING MODEL.

YOU KEEP AWAY FROM IT!

YOU ROBOTS ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS UNIVERSITY.

WHENEVER A FIRE ALARM IS PULLED

IT'S ROBOT HOUSE.

WHENEVER THE CAMPUS LIQUOR STORE IS LOOTED, ROBOT HOUSE.

WHENEVER A HUMAN CORPSE IS DESECRATED--

NOW, I CAN EXPLAIN THAT.

THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU.

FROM THIS DAY FORTH

ROBOT HOUSE IS ON DODECA-TUPLE SECRET PROBATION.

NO FAIR! MY MOM IS GOING TO KILL ME.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME

I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE ONE THING THAT'S KEPT ME SANE

THESE PAST EIGHT YEARS, MY MODEL SHIP.

FAT-BOT, NO!

WHEN I GET NERVOUS, I GET HUNGRY.

CHEESE IT!

[ Dean ] ROBOT HOUSE!

SO, CHRISSY, WE SEEM TO BE HITTING IT OFF.

IF YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING LATER

MIGHT I ESCORT YOU TO A KEGGER?

NOT EVEN IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON MARS.

HEY, YOU LIKE BANANAS?

I GOT HER NUMBER.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM BANANAS?

OOH!

AND THEREFORE, BY PROCESS OF ELIMINATION

THE ELECTRON MUST TASTE LIKE GRAPE-ADE.

SORRY. I OVERSLEPT.

UNTIL 5:00 P.M.?

IT'S THAT OBNOXIOUS MONKEY.

HE KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT WITH HIS CONSTANT THINKING.

JUST THINKING AND THINKING.

HE'S TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

DON'T BE JEALOUS.

WITHOUT HIS SPECIAL HAT

GUENTER MIGHT BE NO MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU.

OH! I HATE THAT RODENT.

FRY, THAT MONKEY IS MY MOST IMPORTANT EXPERIMENT.

IF YOU TWO DON'T STOP FIGHTING

I'LL HAVE YOU BOTH NEUTERED.

[ Chuckles ]

THAT'LL SHOW HIM.

[ String Quartet Playing ]

DEAN VERNON, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY PARENTS, LEO AND INEZ.

AH, MR. AND MRS. WONG.

I'M SO GLAD WE COULD ADMIT AMY

IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR GENEROUS CONTRIBUTION.

HOW MUCH MORE FOR PHI BETA KAPPA?

HOW MUCH YOU GOT?

SORRY I'M LATE.

I WAS OFF AT A STUDY SESSION

WITH CHRISSY.

OH, I'M GLAD YOU MADE IT, GUENTER

BECAUSE IN HONOR OF PARENTS WEEKEND

I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE FOR YOU.

MOM! DAD!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

[ Monkeys Chattering ]

THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.

NOW, THESE MONKEYS I LIKE.

[ Chattering ]

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU WANT TO COME OUT?

NO! STOP!

[ Appalled Gasps ]

I SAY.

WHAT'S THAT THEY'RE FLINGING AT US?

OH, DEAR LORD.

ALL OVER THE DEAN.

HEY, UH, GUENTER, WHY DON'T YOU GET UP

ON THE CHANDELIER WITH YOUR PARENTS

AND I'LL TAKE A PICTURE.

[ Groans ]

WELL, LOOKS LIKE THIS PARTY'S WINDING DOWN.

LET'S TAKE A ROAD TRIP TO TIJUANA

AND GET FAT-BOT SOME ACTION.

[ Cheering ]

IT'S MY FIRST TIME.

I'M REALLY NERVOUS.

ROBOT HOUSE!

WHAT YOU DID TO GUENTER WAS CRUEL.

AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING LIKE AN AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL

I THINK WE LEARNED WHO THE REAL ANIMAL WAS TODAY.

YOU MEAN PEER PRESSURE?

LOOK OUT.

HE'S GOT A GUN!

LEAVE ME ALONE.

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE BANANAS.

OF COURSE I DO.

I TRY SO HARD TO FIT IN

BUT SEEING MY PARENTS ACT LIKE THAT

MADE ME REALIZE I'M JUST A PRIMITIVE BEAST.

HEY, HEY, CHEER UP.

NOT EVERYONE TURNS OUT LIKE THEIR PARENTS.

I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.

MY FOLKS WERE HONEST, HARDWORKING PEOPLE.

BESIDES, GUENTER, YOU'RE NOT LIKE OTHER MONKEYS.

YOU'VE GOT THE HAT.

SO WHAT? I MEAN, SURE, IT LOOKS COOL AND IT MAKES ME SMART

BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY.

[ Sobbing ]

THAT'S SO SAD.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MONKEYS COULD CRY.

THEY CAN'T. IT'S ALL THE HAT.

[ Loud Sobbing ]

LOOK, GUENTER

IF YOU'RE SO MISERABLE HERE

MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GO BACK TO THE JUNGLE.

THE JUNGLE...

BUT I COULDN'T DO THAT TO THE PROFESSOR.

I'M HIS PRIZE EXPERIMENT

AND HE'S LIKE A FATHER TO ME.

BUT HE'S NOT YOUR FATHER.

THAT GUY IN THE PUNCH BOWL WAS YOUR FATHER.

[ Farnsworth ] LOOK AT HIM.

I'M SO PROUD.

[ Fry ] THANKS, PROFESSOR.

NOT YOU.

[ Electrical Crackling ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Sarcastic Chuckling ]

[ Drums Playing ]

[ Drums Get Louder ]

[ Panting ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Agonized Shriek ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Glass Breaking ]

OH, I ALWAYS FEARED HE MIGHT RUN OFF LIKE THIS.

WHY? WHY?

WHY DIDN'T I BREAK HIS LEGS?!

OH, POOR GUENTER.

SO HE JUST RAN AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EXAM?

I'M AFRAID SO.

ALL HE HANDED IN WAS A PAPER SMEARED WITH FECES.

HE TIED WITH FRY.

I GUESS HE REALIZED I WAS RIGHT

WHEN I TOLD HIM TO GO BACK TO THE JUNGLE.

YOU WHAT?! AFTER I SPENT MONTHS

SLAVING OVER A HOT MONKEY BRAIN?

HEY, DON'T BLAME ME.

YOU TRIED TO FORCE GUENTER TO BE A HUMAN

BUT HE'S AN ANIMAL. HE BELONGS IN THE WILD... OR IN THE CIRCUS

ON ONE OF THOSE TINY TRICYCLES.

NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

BUT GUENTER'S OBVIOUSLY

BETTER OFF BEING INTELLIGENT.

TELL HIM, LEELA.

UH-UH. I'M STAYING OUT OF THIS.

NOW, HERE'S MY OPINION.

WHAT WE SHOULD DO IS...

[ Whispering ]

WHAT?!

I SAID... WE'LL GO TO THE JUNGLE

AND LET GUENTER DECIDE ONCE AND FOR ALL.

WHAT?!

YOU ALL KNOW THE RULES.

WHICHEVER HOUSE WINS THE REGATTA

BECOMES HEAD OF THE GREEK COUNCIL

AND SHOULD THAT HOUSE

CURRENTLY BE ON ANY TYPE OF MULTIPLE SECRET PROBATION

IT WILL BE LIFTED

AND I WILL BE FORCED TO SERVE AS GRAND MARSHAL

OF A PARADE HONORING THEM.

I SAY, ROBOT HOUSE.

YOUR WATERCRAFT IS AS ILL- DESIGNED AS YOU YOURSELVES.

GOOD ONE, CHET.

[ Laughing ]

OH, YEAH? WATCH THIS!

[ Belching ]

WELL, I NEVER.

FRATERNITIES... ON YOUR MARKS.

[ Air Hissing ]

HEY.

WOW, THE JUNGLES ON MARS LOOK

JUST LIKE THE JUNGLES ON EARTH.

JUNGLES ON EARTH?

[ Laughing ]

I SEE SOME MOVEMENT UP THERE.

I THINK IT'S HIM.

STAND BACK.

OOPS.

DON'T WORRY, THEY'LL BE FINE

ONCE THE TRANQUILIZER WEARS OFF.

THERE'S OUR MAN.

PROFESSOR, YOU'LL OFFER GUENTER THE HAT, AND FRY

YOU'LL OFFER HIM THE BANANA.

WE'LL LET HIM CHOOSE WHETHER HE WANTS TO BE INTELLIGENT

OR JUST A MINDLESS ANIMAL.

[ Murmuring Agreement ]

COME ON, GUENTER, TAKE THE HAT.

NO, THE BANANA, THE BANANA.

CONSIDER THE PHILOSOPHICAL AND METAPHYSICAL

RAMIFICATIONS OF THE...

BANANA, BANANA, BANANA.

WAIT. WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

[ Rock Music Playing ]

HEY, BENDER, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A SHORTCUT?

NOT AS SURE AS I WAS AN HOUR AGO.

[ All Yelling ]

[ All Yelling ]

AND THE WINNER IS...

ROBOT HOUSE?!

[ All ] WHOA... WHOA... WHOA!

[ Leela ] NO!

HELP!

[ Relieved Sighs ]

THANK GOD THIS LOG IS STURDY.

PUT ON THE HAT, GUENTER.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE US.

STUPID MONKEY.

NO! NOT THERE.

KEEP TRYING.

[ Quizzical Grunts ]

EUREKA! THE HAT GOES ON THE HEAD.

IT'S ALL SO OBVIOUS NOW.

[ Log Splintering ] HELP US, GUENTER!

OH, MY GOODNESS.

HANG ON! I NEED TO DO SOME CALCULATIONS!

THE DECIMAL GOES...

CARRY THE SEVEN... GOT IT!

GRAB ON!

WE'RE SAVED!

APPRECIATE IT, GUENTER.

HURRY, GUENTER! CLIMB UP THE VINE!

YOU CAN STILL SAVE YOURSELF!

WHY BOTHER?

I'VE GOT NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.

I WAS MISERABLE AS A GENIUS

AND AS A MONKEY, I WAS SO DUMB

I TRIED TO WEAR A HAT ON MY BUTT.

[ Snickering ]

THERE'S JUST NO PLACE FOR ME IN THIS WORLD.

ALTHOUGH, ON THE OTHER HAND...

[ Yelling ]

[ Distant Thud ]

OH, THAT POOR, SWEET MONKEY.

WELL, LET'S GO GATHER HIM UP.

THERE'S NO SENSE LETTING HIM GO TO WASTE.

GUENTER! YOU'RE ALIVE.

I GUESS THE HAT MUST HAVE BROKE MY FALL.

IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING AT ONLY HALF CAPACITY

BUT I CAN FIX IT.

NO, WAIT! I LIKE IT LIKE THIS.

I ACTUALLY FEEL SORT OF... HAPPY.

BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR SUPER INTELLIGENCE?

WHEN I HAD THAT, THERE WAS TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO USE IT.

ALL I WANT OUT OF LIFE IS TO BE

A MONKEY OF MODERATE INTELLIGENCE WHO WEARS A SUIT.

THAT'S WHY I'VE DECIDED TO TRANSFER TO BUSINESS SCHOOL.

NO!!

[ Marching Band Playing ]

COME ON, EVERYONE!

BIG PARTY AT ROBOT HOUSE!

* YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME WANNA * SHOUT *

* KICK MY HEELS UP AND * SHOUT *

* THROW MY HANDS UP AND * SHOUT *

* THROW MY HEAD BACK AND * SHOUT *

* COME ON, NOW

* DON'T FORGET TO SAY YOU WILL

* DON'T FORGET TO SAY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH *

* SAY YOU WILL *

* SAY IT RIGHT NOW, BABY

* SAY YOU WILL *

* COME ON, COME ON

* SAY YOU WILL *

* SAY THAT YOU...

* SAY YOU WILL *

* YEAH, YEAH, YEAH *

* SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME

* SAY THAT YOU NEED ME

* SAY THAT YOU WANT ME

* YOU WANT TO PLEASE ME

* COME ON, NOW...