Original subtitles

Cast off!

Man, something's sure buggin' you today.

You're keenly perceptive, Jameison, my boy.

There is something "bugging" me.

Carl Walker, Sr., my esteemed father,

who has suggested that I do one of two things:

I go to work for him or move the hell out.

Man, that is a drag.

Jameison, your complete understanding of me

is the one thing I treasure.

Well, that's something I treasure.

Always broads, huh, Jamie?

Mm-Hmm.

And when are you gonna learn that females

have but one function in life?

To give men pleasure.

And if they don't give it, you take it!

There's only one thing in this whole crummy,

square infested life that counts:

kicks!

Kicks, Jim, kicks!

Dig me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I dig ya.

Good.

Damn you, Carl!

What happened, Joney?

He burnt me with his cigarette!

Oh no, I like it.

Hey, you want to bare my secrets to the world?

It's all in the interest of science, chick.

Tell me something.

Are you a real blonde?

Maybe I'm prematurely bald.

I've never known a bald girl before.

By the same token,

you must be a boy.

You are the poorest silent kind.

You feel poorer, and decide that you should leave.

Jane and Ellen?

Well it looks like everybody left.

Let's go skinny dipping, what do you say?

What's that?

Well you go swimming without your clothes on.

Oh that's ridiculous!

Oh come on, it's fun, let's try it.

I don't know.

Come on!

Well...

Carl? Carl!

Carl, you're hurting me!

Carl!

What's that?

I don't know, let's go see.

We heard a scream, what happened?

Jonie, what happened?

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

Something must have bitten me.

Make it quick.

Time to split.

Well out here you're out in the kitchen.

And over here is your bath.

Well, how do you like it?

Well, I guess it's all right.

I'll take it.

Oh that's fine.

Girl, I know you'll be very happy here.

That'll be $55 a month, paid for in advance.

And I'll put the receipt under your door.

You get your clean sheets and towels

every Tuesday and Friday.

And don't smoke in the bed.

Also remember when you go out at night

be sure your doors are locked

or when you retire.

Hollywood.

Go ahead, kids.

I just wanna show Cathy one of dad's warehouses.

I dig ya, Collie.

We'll amuse ourselves until you get back.

Whatever happened between Carl and Jonie?

They never date anymore.

He can be so creepy at times.

Hey, what is this?

A one-woman panel discussion about Carl Walker, Jr.?

Do you remember me, Jim Marsh?

Your ever-ready, ever-lovin',

100% American stud?

My and who else's?

Well, the list is a little too long

to recite from memory.

But, doll, you're among the top 10.

This is my secret dungeon

where I keep all my love prisoners.

And I just put the snatch on you.

This is where the watchman sobered up.

All the comforts of home.

I think the real life Carl Walker, Jr.

would have a more romantic hideaway for fun and games.

It ain't the setting, chick.

It's the lead actor's performance that gets

all the rave reviews?

Oh really?

I wouldn't know.

Well, lucky fox,

you're about to be one of many who knows for sure.

Down, boy.

I'm the female of this species, remember?

And I'll say when, where, and how.

And this place isn't my idea of where.

And another thing Mr. Wheel Walker,

I might become your loving partner

under the proper circumstances,

but I won't become your sparring partner.

So lay off the rough stuff, huh?

I'm not Joan Robbins and I don't...

What you need, chick,

is a little old fashioned discipline!

No, Carl, no!

No!

Don't!

Stop!

Carl!

Stop!

Stop!

Carl, don't stop.

Honey, I'm going to start

laying the foundation of your sexual education.

You need a course on the subject.

What kind of course, lover boy?

You wanna feel my muscle?

Start the countdown.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Well, ever-ready, ever-lovin'

100% American stud, how was that?

Jordin, sometimes I can't make head

or tail out of you.

Which do you prefer?

We better get presentable.

Carl "The Cruel" and his victim

will be coming back soon.

That is if he had...

Hey, cut now.

You're talking about my blood brother.

That doesn't give him any right to spy on us

while we're...

What is he anyway, a peek freak?

Or does he get charged from beating up on girls?

Jimmy you know I'm crazy about you,

but that old buddy boy is something

out of a horror flick.

Can't we just for once go out without the ghoul?

Why don't you get some little straight slides

to go with your lectures?

Jim, I...

Listen to me, I wanna take it just from the top.

Once more.

Cracked up the Corvette last week, right?

All right, now therefore we either double with Carl

or we take the bus.

Yeah, the money's all there, boys.

And here's your goodie.

Now go on out and have a good time.

Be sure to tell 'em where you got it.

You haven't sent me any business lately.

Oh no you don't.

Not in here you don't.

What's the matter, old lady?

Haven't you a license for consumption on the premises?

One of these days you guys are gonna gag

yourselves right out of a good connection.

Come on, so what's the beef?

Why don't we all get high together

and have an orgy, huh?

Shh, come on, step away, put it away.

Yes, yeah.

Come on in, honey.

I'm sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Olson,

but could you tell me how to get to this address?

Oh, honey, this is way out in the valley.

This will take you hours to get there by bus.

But just a minute.

These two friends of mine who are visiting

go right by there on their way home,

and they'd be glad to give you a lift.

Boys, this is Jane Collins, my new tenant.

Carl Walker and Jameison Marsh.

Jane is new in LA.

Kinda think she should meet some nice

young people like you.

And besides you'll probably see Jane

when you come visit me again.

So, be good guys and go and take her where she has to go.

And I'll see you both next week, all right?

Please, don't make any trouble.

I can take the bus.

Trouble? Honey, it's no trouble.

They'd both be glad to do it, won't you, boys?

Delighted.

Absolutely delighted.

Any friend of Mrs. Olson is a friend indeed.

Well thank you, that's very kind.

Come on.

What was your name, sweetheart?

Jane, Jane Collins.

Yeah, that's...

What?

It's a nice name.

Where'd you say you're from?

Minnesota.

Minnesota?

Yeah, well that figures too.

I don't understand.

Skip it.

What brings you out here anyway?

Well, it's a long story.

So tell me.

It's a long drive.

So after mom died, Mr. Bailey at the bank

found a buyer for the house.

And I got almost $800.

It was a nice thing to keep me in Minnesota,

and I guess just about every girl who ever lived

dreams of coming to Hollywood.

And here I am.

So now all you have to do is crack those

pearly studio gates, right?

Well, I'd also like to be a model or something like that.

And I'm going to take lessons,

that's why I came out here today.

Are we there already?

This must be the place.

Thank you so much, Carl.

I hope I didn't take you too much out of your way.

It's so nice meeting you both.

I hope I can see you again when you come

to visit Mrs. Olson.

She's such a nice person.

- Bye-bye. - Bye dear.

Goodbye.

Goodbye and goodbye.

Ho-ho.

You believe that chick?

"I hope I didn't take you too much out of your way."

Only a 100 miles.

"I'd like to be a model or something like that."

Listen, I know some guys who would take

some beautiful pictures of her.

Yeah, but you can't show 'em to nice Mr. Bailey

at the bank.

Next time we visit that nice Mrs. Olson,

remind me to slit her throat.

Well, a three-handed orgy is no good.

Cathy and Terry both cut out for the springs, huh?

So they tell me.

Hey, how about calling Joan Robbins?

That chick never existed.

Remember?

Sure, Carl, sure, I just thought...

Cool it, buddy, I don't mean to spite you.

It's just I'm busting my seams.

Kicks, Jamie, kicks!

What do we do for kicks?

Next you'll be suggesting beer,

or maybe muscatel.

Kicks, not chicks.

Kicks!

Think, man, think!

You mean a caper?

What, you want to hit a bank or an armored truck?

No, that's old.

We played that song before.

They don't use stagecoaches anymore, so that scratches.

Well, we'll blow up a kindergarten,

run down an old lady, poison the city water supply.

Kidnap a movie star.

Turnover a pushcart.

Shake down some school kids.

What do you say, boss, what?

Kidnapping.

Now that ought to be a kick!

A movie star?

No.

No, someone no one knows,

no one knows anything about,

no one else would want to kidnap.

Yeah, I have a news flash for you, old friend.

Kidnappers get caught!

No motive, no reason.

Nothing to connect us.

You know, kidnapping just happens to be

a federal offense.

The FBI are called in.

Big deal.

Come on, be serious. The FBI is no joke.

So who's laughing?

Well the penalty is death,

and I for one am much too young to die.

Strictly for kicks.

They get caught because of the ransom money.

Oh come on, let's blow it, partner.

I played this game long enough.

The whole thing is stupid anyway.

What do you say...

The money floods them.

Either the pick up or marked bills.

Oh come off it, Carl.

No motive.

Complete stranger.

It's foolproof!

Nothing is foolproof.

What the hell makes you think you're smarter

than the fuzz and the FBI?

Man, sometimes you are goofy.

And you're as chicken as a little red hen,

you always have been.

That's your problem!

Things get a little too sticky

or too far out and little Jamie

just blanks right out!

Now are you with me or without me?

All right, I'm with you, Carl.

I know!

Perfect caper.

The perfect victim.

No relatives, no friends.

No one to give a damn if she's ever seen

or heard from again.

Come on, blood brother.

Shake on it.

It's just for kicks.

Keep down!

Keep to the wall!

Come on.

I can't see her.

Wait a minute!

- Where is she? - Relax, will you?

Shh!

On the couch.

Oh man, she's looking it up.

Ain't that wild?

Look at that.

What is this anyway? A political convention?

Check her legs, man, the legs!

Get that jimmy, baby.

Oh dude, she's gonna be a prize, baby.

Hold it!

Well, I look forward to a long and successful administration

with a kick in every part.

She's in the bathroom now, man.

Too much, baby.

Check the legs.

She's getting in the tub.

Now she's coming back out.

That's nice.

Yeah.

In 1916, the combination of ingredients

idea came along.

I tried them and I like them.

I thought they seem very nice.

But today there is the

extra strength pain reliever made possible

by modern science.

Well, Jameison, my boy.

This was a most successful scouting trip.

Let's go.

Why are we coming down here?

I told you, we're going to a party.

Here?

A real Hollywood style party.

Inside everybody!

Not so fast, I can hardly see.

Okay, okay, we're almost there.

Nice, huh?

Cozy, private, luxurious.

I thought you said we're going to a party.

But we are, chick.

And you're it.

I don't understand.

Well let me explain it to you.

You stupid square!

You belong to us now, dig?

We own you body and soul

to do with as we like when we like.

And you're gonna be here for a long, long time.

Maybe forever.

So you might as well start getting comfortable.

Hold it, man.

It's the lady's dressing room.

That's only the biffy, chick.

The only way out of there is to pull the chain.

Help me!

Help me, somebody!

It's inevitable, baby.

Why not enjoy it?

I'm never gonna leave here

so leave me alone!

Kicks, baby, kicks!

Just relax, baby.

Just relax.

Where are you going?

No, no.

Now that's what I call kicks.

Good dinner tonight, mother.

Tell Martha she outdid herself.

Why thank you, Carl.

Would you care for some more coffee?

Please?

Carly?

No, thank you, mother.

Cognac, mother?

Yes, please.

How about you, boy?

I think not, father.

Thanks.

What's the matter, boy?

You too good to drink with the old man?

No, father, just not in the mood tonight.

That's all.

When I was this boy's age I used to put away

a quart a day.

And when you were Carly's age

you were living in a slum neighborhood

with a poor family who wasn't able to give you

the advantages that you can give your son.

Carly doesn't need whisky to get him

through the day, do you, dear?

No, mother, not whiskey.

Well it never hurt me none.

A man's gotta hold his own in this world.

You get stepped on, you get gouged,

you gotta come up from the bottom of the heap

with a smile on your face and a dollar cigar

between your teeth.

Would that be all, Mrs. Walker?

That would be all.

Oh Martha, would you put some of the leftover

chicken in a bag, please?

I have some friends who need food.

Now who the hell do you know that needs my chicken legs?

Carl.

What kind of damn foolishness is this anyway?

If someone's hungry they can get charity or go on relief.

Now this boy better straighten up and fly right.

He didn't even finish school.

He's supposed to be working for me

and I haven't seen him in the damn place

since the day after he started.

Carl, let's not have another scene.

Skip it, I'll be in the den.

Carly, I'm so sorry.

It's all right, mother.

Carly, promise me you'll never get like your father.

Don't worry, mother.

I won't.

Hello, Janey.

Chow time.

Look at the chowhound go.

She's eats like the Russians ran Anaheim.

Yeah.

Gobble it up, baby.

It may be a long time between meals.

And you'll need all your strength

for fun and games time.

Why don't we go and turn her loose?

Getting chicky again, Jamie?

No, Carl, I was just thinking,

we can't hold her forever.

I dig this action.

She belongs to me.

Look at her.

I don't feed her, she goes hungry.

She belongs to me.

Like a slave.

I can use her as I will.

Don't sweat, Jimmy.

When the kicks are finished,

we'll square her up so there's no beef.

Had enough dinner, baby?

Now come on down and tell old Carly all about it.

Carly's not gonna hurt you.

Carly just had a nice, big dinner.

Carly's ready for lovin', not fighting.

There.

See?

I'll just make myself comfortable

on your bed and wait for you.

That's enough, chick.

It's time to come down and see old Carly boy.

Now baby doesn't wanna get Carly upset.

'Cause if Carly gets upset

he might just come up those stairs after baby

and baby wouldn't like that one bit.

Best you come down.

Now baby, now!

That's right.

Now just come over here and lie down the side of old Carly.

Please let me go.

Please, I don't feel well.

Sure, sure!

But you need to lie down a little while

and get some rest.

Now, I strongly suggest

that little Janey be a little more cooperative

so that Carly does not get mad.

I told you, Carly's a lover.

Not a fighter.

Carly just wants to make love to the nice chick,

not hurt her.

So baby wants to play the scene rough.

All right, that's okay

because Carly likes to roughhouse himself.

No!

Notice, Jameison.

Once you have their undivided attention and cooperation

then it's time to make love.

Please, somebody help me.

It's just you and me here, sweetheart.

Just you and me.

Nobody else!

You might as well make this good.

Stop!

No!

No!

No!

Seriously, Carly, we can't keep her down there forever.

Tomorrow, why don't we let her...

What's the matter, Jamie?

Jealous of your old buddy?

Nah, it's not that.

It's just that when we do let her go,

she's gonna go straight to the fuzz.

What's bugging you?

I told you once we can square up any beef.

Now just let me handle the action, huh?

Come on, buddy.

Get with the show.

Enjoy it while you can.

I don't know, Carly.

There's something wrong.

There's not as many kicks as I thought there'd be.

Yellow streak showing?

Knock it off.

I'm tired of that damn line every time

I don't play follow the leader.

Okay, okay.

We'll drop the subject.

The broads will be here any minute.

What's the big deal with you?

Carl likes to watch us.

Let's see what route he takes.

Honey, wouldn't you rather be in the game

than watch it?

As you say, it's all in the interest of science.

But I've never seen a weirdo in action before

and I might learn something that's not

in my Kinsey books.

Honey, you already earned your Masters on the subject.

Now why don't we start on your PhD?

Not tonight, Josephine.

What do you mean "not tonight"?

Tonight's just like any other night.

For you maybe.

As for me I'm not in the mood.

Honey, I'll love you sweet and long

and I'll make you glad that you're alive.

Not tonight you won't.

I want you, Ellen.

So?

I don't want you, Junior,

and it takes two to tango.

What's the matter, Jamie?

Where's your chick?

I wanna borrow your car for a couple of hours.

Sure, buddy boy.

The keys are in it.

You have the other key you need.

Please, leave me alone.

What have I done to you?

Nothing.

It's what I'm going to do to you.

You certainly were made for love, chick.

Please leave me alone.

I'm not gonna hurt you, honey.

I'm gonna love you.

And you look good enough to eat.

This is going to be a kick.

Honey, I like my women wild.

You know she's liable to die down there?

Okay, chicky, okay.

We'll spring our little jail bird today.

Anything to calm your palpitating heart.

So have a drink.

We'll go down and Miss Collins her pardon.

And ask her to pardon us.

You gotta admit it was a good kick, wasn't it, Carly?

Drink up, chicky.

Drink up.

Afternoon, Miss Collins.

Mr. Marsh and I bear glad tidings.

Yeah, Janey, we're gonna take you home

and we'll buy you a new dress

and take you out to dinner.

You mean I can get out of here?

Sure, Janey, you're free.

You know, it was just a game.

Sort of like we're acting out a movie.

You know what I mean.

Yes, I know what you mean.

It was just a joke.

Like you said, you sure had me fooled.

I'm a mess, huh?

You don't have to take me to anywhere.

Shall we go?

Carl!

Remove your hand, you chicken-hearted J!

This damn broad's gonna yell to the coppers on this thing.

Oh, leave me alone!

Carl, don't! You'll kill her!

Carl!

Hold her, hold her, hold her!

Gonna beat you once.

Stop!

Stop, Carl!

Stop!

Carl, stop, you'll kill her!

It's supposed to be kicks, remember?

Kicks!

Not fun anymore.

Look, she's bleeding!

This is better than the movies!

Carl, you're sick!

Wake up, square, so I can show you who's master.

Let her go!

Carl?

Janey?

Janey?

I'll get help.

I'll get help, Janey.

You'll be all right.