Original subtitles

(energetic playful instrumental music)

- Six catalogs of Christmas pink.

The hottest lip stick in the states last year.

Plus two catalogs of perfumes

with a box of assorted labels

from the best cosmetics house in the USA.

- When?

- But immediately, of course.

- I'll take the whole consign!

Consignment.

- Good.

There is however one small matter.

A trifling point.

The price.

- No capitalistic tricks.

- It's gone up slightly,

500 rubles a case.

- Piracy!

The ravings of hyenas.

- Don't call me.

I'll call you.

- Alright.

500.

- For your wife, Sergei, Christmas Pink.

No charge.

The same delivery.

- It's too dangerous.

This time, use milk cans.

(laughs)

Tonight at nine, you will be contacted.

(tense instrumental music)

(knock at door)

- Just a moment please.

Yes who is there?

- [Man] Telegram.

- Will you kindly slip it under the door?

(American accent) Hey operator get me the,

(Russian accent) how are you

and would get me the inquires office please?

And hurry.

(speaking Spanish)

(horn honking)

(speaks Spanish)

- Before we execute you on the orders

of our new presidente, the father wants me

to tell you about this cablegram

that just came in from the land of your birth.

It bears sad news indeed.

Your brother, Alexander, is dead

and the surviving family wants you

to reunite with them in Tampa, Florida

for the services.

- Then send my regards, Dallente.

(speaks Spanish)

(drum roll)

(gunshots)

(speaking Spanish)

(soft instrumental music)

- Is there any money left?

- Not a peso, mi general.

All your money went in to

make sure that those rifles didn't have any bullets in them

and to get the proper coffin.

- and all my uniforms?

- Burned.

- Another day, another revolution.

- No, mi general.

The present junta won't last a month.

Then it will be our turn again.

- Meanwhile, tell the pilot

not to deliver my body to Guatemala.

Ship me instead to Tampa.

Adios, Ramon.

Hasta la vista.

- Adios, mi general.

- [PA System] Flight six, non stop jet flagship

for New York City is now boarding at ramp six.

- My brother Alex has just died.

- One is always dying, send him flowers.

But the tajima diamond.

- Take it to Elanski.

On tap of his mallet, poof,

we can all sleep safely.

- They don't trust me.

They don't trust Elanksi.

(speaking French)

$180,000.00 is at stake.

It needs you to close.

- My brother Alex has left five million dollars, at least.

(speaks French)

And there are only five of us Tiffins.

Assuming across that, Micheal and Otis

have not been shot or Leon

torn limb from limb by some lion.

(lion roars)

(gunshot)

- Good shot.

- thank you.

(drums beating)

- Thomboli.

Now you're in charge till I return.

Is that quite clear?

- This party paid for a white hunter.

- Yes well make do until I return

oh and good be a good chap

and follow through with Mr. Tanhowers.

I'm got him all planned to pop for 500 acres

for the development of Spit Devil (mumbles).

- In a salt acres?

That's Mamo territory.

- Keep your voice down.

- But why now leave now?

He's waiting to go into escrow.

- Can't you hear those drums talking?

- Me never could understand them.

- That's my brother Alexander, dead.

I've got to get to Tampa.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- [PA System] Flight 23 from Houston and New Orleans

now arriving at gate 11.

- Ms. Tiffin, I'm Monty.

- Oh Mr. Musgrave.

Nice to see you.

Thank you for your telegram.

The way you stepped in and handled everything.

Now that I'm here, we can.

- Ah nothings been changed, ma'am.

- This is a family matter.

- Young lady, your poppa asked me to call the shots.

- My father's dead, I'm alive.

- you'll find that most everything's been taken care of.

(soft classical music)

- Hey.

Hey, sleepy time down south.

Hit the beach.

- Where are we?

- Tampa.

- We were here last year.

- So were the birds.

They come here every winter.

You smarter than the birds?

(soft organ music)

- A religious man he may not have been,

but surely we should of insisted at a time like this

on a minister and a few well chosen words.

- It's all in here, ma'am, his own words.

He said no minister.

- Well Alex, death isn't so bad is it?

I mean as long we're around it hasn't hit us

and when it hits us we're not around.

He looks pretty good.

- You must forgive Leon, Alex,

he has been in the bush too long.

In South America, we still cry for our dead.

We shall never forget you, Alex.

- My dear brother, I knew you best of all.

You were the most, larcenous, scheming,

unscrupulous, and brilliant scoundrel

that ever fleeced a sheep.

My only regret, my life long envy,

was that I lack the talent to be

more larcenous, scheming, unscrupulous,

and brilliant than you.

- Can't we at least bury him before we read the will?

- You know it's kind of interesting

I happened to be here

but about 25 years ago I sold Alexander Tiffin

some swamp land and I really thought

I had put one over on him

but it turned out that he had the last chuckle.

Because there's a town settling there now.

The bulk of his estate, worth maybe four, five

million dollars.

Now if it hadn't been for that,

all he'd of been able to leave you nice people,

after taxes as it is,

$500,000.00.

All the money saved after 40 years

of selling gold mines that never got dug,

oil leases that never got drilled.

This kind of makes a man think, don't it?

Well see here is his last will and testament.

Now I'm not going to read you all

the where as and the where fores.

There's a copy here for each of you

and I suppose you'll take it to your attorneys

and let them read the fine print.

But my good friend here asked me

to go over these highlights with you

and I aim to oblige

cause he was one of my closest friends

and the only man I swindled who made a profit.

Now it's just as simple as this.

He leaves each one of you an equal share

of his cash residue, $100,000.00 a piece

on one condition.

That his only daughter, Margo, get married.

Within 14 days from today.

To a young man named Tod Stiles.

I read you.

"In the closing days of my life,

I met a young man named Tod Stiles, I liked him

and I have chosen him to be my daughter's husband."

Incidentally, Mr. Stiles arrived

in Tampa yesterday.

- Well ring him up, tell him to meet him at the church.

- "Margo will blow her stack when she hears of this

but in the long run, honey,

you will find that I chose well."

Now unless this first condition,

Margo gets married to Tod Stiles within the 14 day period,

not one of you will get one red cent

of the $500,000.00

and the rest of the estate, the four to five million,

that's gonna be denied you

and the entire estate will turned over to Interpol.

- Interpol?

- Oh he's cruel.

- Oh I can hear him laughing.

- Where's your respect, huh?

What has Alex asked?

What big thing has our beloved brother asked?

Only that a little love and tenderness

come into the family.

Only that you Margo must share.

Accept your father's choice and say one little word, yes.

Just that one little word.

- And we each get 100,000.

Now what about the rest of it?

- Come on, Micheal.

- If Margo gets married to Mr. Stiles

within the 14 day period,

the balance of the estate will be given over

in one piece to only one of the six people.

- But there are only five of us.

- Alex included Mr. Stiles as a candidate.

Now he was telling me, the night before he died,

that he thought it was possible

that an accident might happen,

to Mr. Stiles that is.

Once he and Margo were married.

He said that if such a thing was possible

then Mr. Stiles would of been a disappointment to him,

been a bad choice, clearly not the man for the job.

- Good old Alex.

Survival of the fittest, that's very sporting.

- The balance of the estate is to be given

to only one of us.

(speaks French)

Why not divide it equally?

- Gosh ma'am, your brother just said it better than I can.

Survival of the fittest.

Maybe it was just a joke in passing.

- Now who is to make the decision?

I mean who decides which one of us is

to get a big payoff?

- I do.

That's what that man said.

- On what basis?

What are we supposed to do?

- Frankly, Mr. Tiffin, I don't know.

Alex didn't tell me that.

All he said to me was that, "Monty old friend,

you sit on this for a couple of weeks

and then give one of them the whole bundle."

on the will, page 11 paragraph four,

there's a provision that says

that anything should happen to me,

even a bad head cold,

the whole bundle goes to Interpol.

- Interpol again.

- Aunt Samantha.

Didn't you used to work in the French follies

in downtown Tampa when you were my age

and isn't that where you got your French accent?

(laughing)

And Michael, weren't you putting little

paper rings on Havana cigars in a factory

over in Ybor City?

And isn't that where you learned

to say si si senor?

Ah yes and Uncle Leon.

Didn't you used to wrestle that one feeble

toothless old aligator

they used to have at that roadside stand

where they used to sell saltwater taffy

and wasn't the couple you worked for English?

(laughing)

Otis.

- Don't remind me.

- Don't I remember hearing that you married

that phony white Russian countess?

The one that lived over on Mayfair street

when you were 16 and she was 65.

Now let's get this perfectly straight,

if I marry this boy

and I'm not saying I will

but if I do, it won't be because

of the $100,000.00

and it won't be because of the likes of any of you

it will be because of that old crook of a father of mine

whom I couldn't live with but whom

I could never stop loving.

(somber classical music)

- Well ladies and gentlemen,

shall we adjourn to the cemetery?

(somber classical music)

- I feel useless.

- Will you relax?

It's only the second day of the season.

As soon as we sell that first one,

the rest of them will go like hotcakes.

- Alright so what if sell 10 boats,

what if we make $2,500.00 commission?

- And you feel useless eating like a horse

from $2,500.00 commission?

- Now that's fallacy, Tod

about a man eating like a horse.

The average man eats 16 times his weight every year,

the average horse only eat eights

his weight every year.

- You know I have no interest whatsoever

in the average horse or in what the average horse eats.

- What are we contributing?

- To what?

- To the world.

(playful suspenseful music)

- I'll go fetch him.

- Is that the driveway?

- Or the (mumbles)?

- Let's just say it gets the job down.

- Good morning, sir.

- Hi.

- We got a new one in today.

A jet deck boat, no props.

Safe as your living room.

Holds 18 people.

Ideal for fishing families.

- Fishing families, huh?

- Yeah it goes 40 miles an hour,

it will pull four skiers

and you can't capsize it.

It comes on a trailer, real beauty.

It's moored right out there.

Would you like your free demonstration ride?

- 18 people huh?

- Yeah and room to spare.

- Then six would be a push?

- A breeze.

- Rev it up, young feller.

- Keep your fingers crossed, old buddy,

looks like we finally landed us a group of live ones.

- Looks more like a funeral procession to me.

- Don't be ridiculous.

(whimsical instrumental music)

- Get a little sun, mi cher.

- Well it comes in all colors including black.

- Yes well we don't have much time old boy.

Shall we be going?

(upbeat classical music)

- This is your easy to operate throttle

and heres your forward and reverse gear.

- Explain it to our niece,

she is the one who is shopping.

- It's got a good feel to it.

- So they tell me.

- Go ahead, take the wheel.

How bout that?

- How old are you?

- 40, wide open

but you can ease it down to four miles an hour without...

I beg your pardon?

- How old are you?

- 29.

You notice how easily she handles?

Why?

- I've never been out with a man under 40.

What we could possibly talk about?

- Under 40 a man doesn't have to talk.

On behalf of all men under 40,

how bout dinner tonight, seven o'clock?

- I think not.

- You'd be delighted.

(soft classical music)

You never did learn to knock, did you Otis?

If you were thinking of taking a peek

at my diamond inventory, every last karat

is in Switzerland.

This one, pure pest.

- And in the bosom of your own family.

It shows an appalling lack of trust.

Well I have down my part.

Tonight at the airport.

- So, the minute my back is turned,

you two make the conspiracy.

- Why do you sneak in here?

- I thought it was my room.

- I submit that you and Samantha

are both plotting to divide the four million.

(speaks French)

- Can't we at least work together

and work trust each until Margo gets married?

- Leon, where is Leon?

- He's downstairs.

How'd it go, Michael?

- Despite the rented uniform, he bought it.

He leaves tonight.

- Get out of that costume.

Mr. Stiles will be here in a second.

- Pity.

(playful suspenseful music)

- This way.

(group chattering)

- [All] Hello.

- hi.

- What are you drinking?

- Champagne?

- We have sanc a sanc, 55.

- Well let's not hold that against it.

- Senor.

- Thank you.

- Oh tell me, do you know much about lions?

The buggers tend to get rickets,

often lose two out of a litter of three.

- Leon, nobody cares about your baggy old lions

and their rickets.

- Oh yes, yes well how about baboons.

Do you know much about them?

- No I don't think I ever met any baboons.

- Well it was just as well,

the buggers are forever hissing at you.

Yes but an incredible eyesight.

The best eyesight of any ground animal on the belt.

You know I'd say that eyesight

was the equivalent of eight powered binoculars.

- Pardon me, Leon my darling,

would you mind coming with me into the next room?

Forgive me, would you?

- Very interesting, Stiles, what you had to say.

- you will have to forgive him, poor thing.

He has been out on the safari so long

with the (mumbles) gun bearers,

when he sees an intelligent man,

he loses his head.

Coming Michael?

- I didn't realize we were running so late.

Forgive us, Mr. Stiles.

- Goodnight.

(speaks French)

- Well, what's your story?

I warned you.

What could we possible talk about?

- And I warned you.

Under 40, you don't need words.

(soft instrumental music)

- Leave this house, this family,

you leave me right this second.

Don't ever come back again.

No matter what I may say tomorrow

or the day after tomorrow,

you listen to me now, tonight.

By tomorrow it may be too late.

(dramatic whimsical music)

(upbeat whimsical music)

(soft jazz music)

- What goes with 55 champagne?

- About 25 bucks a bottle.

- Beer.

- Oh bring in the Champagne.

- on who's 25 bucks?

- How'd your date thing?

- A funny thing happened to me

on to the way to Clearwater.

I was following this car and she must of turned

north instead of west.

- I tried calling you at the Tiffin's

but they said you'd already left.

Oh that's fine and two nice chilled glasses please.

I'm catching a plane in an hour.

Might as well go in style, right?

- Clearly this is not my night.

- Remember I told you I felt useless?

- A guy that can blow 25 bucks on champagne?

- Well the general said I could send for

in about a month so it's not as though

I'm breaking up the team or anything.

You understand?

- Did you know lions get rickets

and baboons have eight power eyesight?

- What it was was we were getting anywhere

just batting around from coast to coast.

Like you said, birds fly south for the winter,

so did we.

We'll I'm smarter than a bird.

- You want the pro or the con side of that argument?

- La vida nueva, a new life.

See I'm already picking up a little Spanish.

You see Tod, you've got to find that thing

that turns you on.

Okay we tried.

We drove around and we looked

but now I know it's not following the sun

or even your nose

and it's not staying in one place either

and just doing a lot of busy work.

The only way you can get turned on

is to find something to do for people.

People who need you.

Like the people needed us in Vietnam.

I signed a contract to go to South America.

- When I left here at 6:30,

you were flying out to a movie.

Now I come back,

you're flying down to Rio.

I get the feeling that somewhere in between

there's a piece missing.

- Well this one country down there

has a lot of little villages

and the people down there are always

being starved out or shot at by bandits.

Well, I've been hired to train them

so they can defend themselves.

- You're the magnificent one huh?

- Oh the general said I'm just a forerunner

and if things work out, I'll see you in a month.

- Well why'd they pick you?

When did this happen, who is this guy?

- Well I promised I wouldn't discuss that with anyone,

even you but I can tell you

I met personally with the general

who set up the system of hamlet defense

just like we had in Vietnam

and I liked him Tod, he's young and dynamic.

Look.

My advance expenses and my plane ticket first class.

- What I can say after I've said you'll be sorry?

- Good luck maybe.

- Good luck and no maybe.

Drink up, I'll drive you to the airport.

(soft tense instrumental music)

Hey!

Hey.

- I say there, Stiles, morning.

- Morning.

- This is a happy coincidence.

I planned to look you up today about that boat.

I thought I might order one, organize an alligator hunt.

Sound sporting?

Now that ought to perk you up

with a nice fat commission.

- Well you'll have to bear with me today, Mr. Tiffin.

Between Margo and a friend of mine

and a missing car, I'm not following very well.

- How bout a spot of breakfast at the Howard,

a fresh start?

- Oh no thanks, not at a time like this.

- Oh it's the best thing in the world.

I mean life goes on right?

Come on, pop in old boy, pop in.

- Could we stop at a florist,

does she like roses?

- What ladies doesn't?

(soft classical music)

- Yes but he's on this third cup of coffee,

the least you could do is go and thank him.

- It's better we leave it just as it is.

Now will you go out and tell him I've gone back to Houston?

- What's the matter, darling?

You afraid of falling in love?

- Please, dear Aunt Samantha.

Don't play sentimental, it hardly becomes you.

- Am I incapable of feeling?

- You said it, I didn't.

- At least you could try to see him through

your fathers eyes, huh?

- What if I do?

What if I saw what he did?

What if I married the boy?

I might as well put cyanide in his coffee.

- No, if you're going to talk on that level.

- I'd be lucky to get him out of the church alive.

- Diamonds, I have on my fingers, not blood.

- What about Leon and Michael?

What about the blood on their hands?

- Well Lions and peons but, no not people.

- Thank you.

- [All] Good morning, Margo.

- good morning.

I hope you can forgive me for the way I acted last night.

- What happened last night?

(whimsical instrumental music)

(bell rings)

(crowd cheering)

(soft classical music)

(romantic violin music)

(sultry jazz music)

(romantic classical music)

- For a long time, they objected

to the idea of a woman being in the commodities market

but last year when I was the only

long positioning member to (mumbles)

and they were caught short,

all of a sudden I was one of the boys.

- Utterly impossible.

- It's very simple.

The commodities market,

the fundamental principle is that prices fluctuate.

- Why?

- Oh supply and demand.

- I suppose crop damage might have something to do with it.

- Oh yes, yes, crop damage

definitely has something to do with it.

The opening of new trade routes

and the railroads, canals.

(romantic organ music)

- No pockets.

(laughs)

I guess you think I'm nervous.

- I don't blame you.

- It's a big step.

- Could be your last one.

- I certainly hope so.

I never want to go through this again.

Besides I made a promise to myself

when I get married,

it's only once for better or worse.

- Tod, do you remember a distinguished

old gentlemen in Minneapolis by the name of Pop Harrison?

- Yeah Pop Harrison, securities and exchange commission,

investigating malpractice.

- Investigating, that old buddy of mine invented it.

Any way that was Alexander Tiffin, Margo's father.

- That's funny, she never talked about him.

She never mentioned him.

I wonder why?

- Maybe because he let her down all her life,

maybe cause she loved him so hard it hurt

to talk about him.

Maybe even because she didn't want you to know

how much money she could be worth.

Afraid that might bother you.

You see son, I'm an executor,

you might as well, over an estate of four million dollars

that Alex left behind.

Now the minute that you and Margo say I do,

I've got 14 days to make up my mind

which of six people gets that big bundle of money.

Margo, those three uncles,

Samantha, or you.

- Me?

- You right in there boy,

right in there with the rest of them

but to tell you the truth,

it ain't no place I'd like to be.

- Could you run through that once more for me?

- Senor, your time is up.

- Easy does it.

(romantic organ music)

(speaks French)

- And you (mumbles) you are going on your honeymoon.

I promise I won't tell everyone.

- The second we're married, I'm taking him out of here

and hiding him for 14 days.

If you think I'm going to tell you where,

you're out of your mind.

(wedding march)

- Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here

in the sight of god and in the face of this company,

to join together this and this woman

in holy matrimony.

- It's all in the papers, sir.

Ms. Margo Tiffin, a very distinguished family.

- But he can't, just can't.

- I do.

- I do.

- If you'll kneel please.

In god the father, god the son,

god the holy ghost, bless preserve and keep you.

The lord mercifully with his favor

look upon you and fill you with all spiritual

vindication and grace

that you may so live together in this life

and in the world to come

you may have life everlasting, amen.

- Come on!

(romantic organ music)

- Cars in front.

- Nevermind the car, let's take a cab!

- Bravo me sister.

- It was much too easy.

She had to go out the back.

- Yeah it's a pity in way.

He was a rather nice chap, Stiles.

I mean a man who likes lions and baboons

can't be all bad.

(soft romantic classical music)

- Sorry folks, happens to the best of families

I hate to admit this

but I never was much on motors.

The shop does most of the stuff like that.

Know anything about cars?

(laughs)

Is this anything over here?

(screams)

(tense dramatic music)

(energetic instrumental music)

- [Narrator] A Screen Gems presentation.

Herbert D. Leonard, executive producer.