All language subtitles for Route66 - S04E21

(energetic playful
instrumental music)

- Six catalogs of
Christmas pink.

The hottest lip stick
in the states last year.

Plus two catalogs of perfumes

with a box of assorted labels

from the best cosmetics
house in the USA.

- When?

- But immediately, of course.

- I'll take the whole consign!

Consignment.

- Good.

There is however
one small matter.

A trifling point.

The price.

- No capitalistic tricks.

- It's gone up slightly,

500 rubles a case.

- Piracy!

The ravings of hyenas.

- Don't call me.

I'll call you.

- Alright.

500.

- For your wife,
Sergei, Christmas Pink.

No charge.

The same delivery.

- It's too dangerous.

This time, use milk cans.

(laughs)

Tonight at nine, you
will be contacted.

(tense instrumental music)

(knock at door)

- Just a moment please.

Yes who is there?

- [Man] Telegram.

- Will you kindly slip
it under the door?

(American accent) Hey
operator get me the,

(Russian accent) how are you

and would get me the
inquires office please?

And hurry.

(speaking Spanish)

(horn honking)

(speaks Spanish)

- Before we execute
you on the orders

of our new presidente,
the father wants me

to tell you about this cablegram

that just came in from
the land of your birth.

It bears sad news indeed.

Your brother, Alexander, is dead

and the surviving
family wants you

to reunite with them
in Tampa, Florida

for the services.

- Then send my
regards, Dallente.

(speaks Spanish)

(drum roll)

(gunshots)

(speaking Spanish)

(soft instrumental music)

- Is there any money left?

- Not a peso, mi general.

All your money went in to

make sure that those rifles
didn't have any bullets in them

and to get the proper coffin.

- and all my uniforms?

- Burned.

- Another day,
another revolution.

- No, mi general.

The present junta
won't last a month.

Then it will be our turn again.

- Meanwhile, tell the pilot

not to deliver my
body to Guatemala.

Ship me instead to Tampa.

Adios, Ramon.

Hasta la vista.

- Adios, mi general.

- [PA System] Flight six,
non stop jet flagship

for New York City is now
boarding at ramp six.

- My brother Alex has just died.

- One is always dying,
send him flowers.

But the tajima diamond.

- Take it to Elanski.

On tap of his mallet, poof,

we can all sleep safely.

- They don't trust me.

They don't trust Elanksi.

(speaking French)

$180,000.00 is at stake.

It needs you to close.

- My brother Alex has left
five million dollars, at least.

(speaks French)

And there are only
five of us Tiffins.

Assuming across that,
Micheal and Otis

have not been shot or Leon

torn limb from
limb by some lion.

(lion roars)

(gunshot)

- Good shot.

- thank you.

(drums beating)

- Thomboli.

Now you're in charge
till I return.

Is that quite clear?

- This party paid
for a white hunter.

- Yes well make
do until I return

oh and good be a good chap

and follow through
with Mr. Tanhowers.

I'm got him all planned
to pop for 500 acres

for the development of
Spit Devil (mumbles).

- In a salt acres?

That's Mamo territory.

- Keep your voice down.

- But why now leave now?

He's waiting to go into escrow.

- Can't you hear
those drums talking?

- Me never could
understand them.

- That's my brother
Alexander, dead.

I've got to get to Tampa.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- [PA System] Flight 23
from Houston and New Orleans

now arriving at gate 11.

- Ms. Tiffin, I'm Monty.

- Oh Mr. Musgrave.

Nice to see you.

Thank you for your telegram.

The way you stepped in
and handled everything.

Now that I'm here, we can.

- Ah nothings been
changed, ma'am.

- This is a family matter.

- Young lady, your poppa
asked me to call the shots.

- My father's dead, I'm alive.

- you'll find that most
everything's been taken care of.

(soft classical music)

- Hey.

Hey, sleepy time down south.

Hit the beach.

- Where are we?

- Tampa.

- We were here last year.

- So were the birds.

They come here every winter.

You smarter than the birds?

(soft organ music)

- A religious man he
may not have been,

but surely we should of
insisted at a time like this

on a minister and a
few well chosen words.

- It's all in here,
ma'am, his own words.

He said no minister.

- Well Alex, death
isn't so bad is it?

I mean as long we're
around it hasn't hit us

and when it hits us
we're not around.

He looks pretty good.

- You must forgive Leon, Alex,

he has been in
the bush too long.

In South America, we
still cry for our dead.

We shall never forget you, Alex.

- My dear brother, I
knew you best of all.

You were the most,
larcenous, scheming,

unscrupulous, and
brilliant scoundrel

that ever fleeced a sheep.

My only regret,
my life long envy,

was that I lack the talent to be

more larcenous,
scheming, unscrupulous,

and brilliant than you.

- Can't we at least bury
him before we read the will?

- You know it's
kind of interesting

I happened to be here

but about 25 years ago
I sold Alexander Tiffin

some swamp land and
I really thought

I had put one over on him

but it turned out that
he had the last chuckle.

Because there's a town
settling there now.

The bulk of his estate,
worth maybe four, five

million dollars.

Now if it hadn't been for that,

all he'd of been able to
leave you nice people,

after taxes as it is,

$500,000.00.

All the money saved
after 40 years

of selling gold mines
that never got dug,

oil leases that
never got drilled.

This kind of makes a
man think, don't it?

Well see here is his
last will and testament.

Now I'm not going
to read you all

the where as and
the where fores.

There's a copy here
for each of you

and I suppose you'll
take it to your attorneys

and let them read
the fine print.

But my good friend here asked me

to go over these
highlights with you

and I aim to oblige

cause he was one of
my closest friends

and the only man I
swindled who made a profit.

Now it's just as simple as this.

He leaves each one
of you an equal share

of his cash residue,
$100,000.00 a piece

on one condition.

That his only daughter,
Margo, get married.

Within 14 days from today.

To a young man named Tod Stiles.

I read you.

"In the closing days of my life,

I met a young man named
Tod Stiles, I liked him

and I have chosen him to
be my daughter's husband."

Incidentally, Mr. Stiles arrived

in Tampa yesterday.

- Well ring him up, tell him
to meet him at the church.

- "Margo will blow her
stack when she hears of this

but in the long run, honey,

you will find that
I chose well."

Now unless this first condition,

Margo gets married to Tod
Stiles within the 14 day period,

not one of you will
get one red cent

of the $500,000.00

and the rest of the estate,
the four to five million,

that's gonna be denied you

and the entire estate will
turned over to Interpol.

- Interpol?

- Oh he's cruel.

- Oh I can hear him laughing.

- Where's your respect, huh?

What has Alex asked?

What big thing has our
beloved brother asked?

Only that a little
love and tenderness

come into the family.

Only that you Margo must share.

Accept your father's choice
and say one little word, yes.

Just that one little word.

- And we each get 100,000.

Now what about the rest of it?

- Come on, Micheal.

- If Margo gets
married to Mr. Stiles

within the 14 day period,

the balance of the
estate will be given over

in one piece to only
one of the six people.

- But there are only five of us.

- Alex included Mr.
Stiles as a candidate.

Now he was telling me,
the night before he died,

that he thought it was possible

that an accident might happen,

to Mr. Stiles that is.

Once he and Margo were married.

He said that if such
a thing was possible

then Mr. Stiles would of
been a disappointment to him,

been a bad choice, clearly
not the man for the job.

- Good old Alex.

Survival of the fittest,
that's very sporting.

- The balance of the
estate is to be given

to only one of us.

(speaks French)

Why not divide it equally?

- Gosh ma'am, your brother
just said it better than I can.

Survival of the fittest.

Maybe it was just
a joke in passing.

- Now who is to
make the decision?

I mean who decides
which one of us is

to get a big payoff?

- I do.

That's what that man said.

- On what basis?

What are we supposed to do?

- Frankly, Mr.
Tiffin, I don't know.

Alex didn't tell me that.

All he said to me was
that, "Monty old friend,

you sit on this for
a couple of weeks

and then give one of
them the whole bundle."

on the will, page
11 paragraph four,

there's a provision that says

that anything
should happen to me,

even a bad head cold,

the whole bundle
goes to Interpol.

- Interpol again.

- Aunt Samantha.

Didn't you used to work
in the French follies

in downtown Tampa
when you were my age

and isn't that where you
got your French accent?

(laughing)

And Michael, weren't
you putting little

paper rings on Havana
cigars in a factory

over in Ybor City?

And isn't that where you learned

to say si si senor?

Ah yes and Uncle Leon.

Didn't you used to
wrestle that one feeble

toothless old aligator

they used to have at
that roadside stand

where they used to
sell saltwater taffy

and wasn't the couple
you worked for English?

(laughing)

Otis.

- Don't remind me.

- Don't I remember
hearing that you married

that phony white
Russian countess?

The one that lived
over on Mayfair street

when you were 16 and she was 65.

Now let's get this
perfectly straight,

if I marry this boy

and I'm not saying I will

but if I do, it won't be because

of the $100,000.00

and it won't be because
of the likes of any of you

it will be because of that
old crook of a father of mine

whom I couldn't
live with but whom

I could never stop loving.

(somber classical music)

- Well ladies and gentlemen,

shall we adjourn
to the cemetery?

(somber classical music)

- I feel useless.

- Will you relax?

It's only the second
day of the season.

As soon as we sell
that first one,

the rest of them will
go like hotcakes.

- Alright so what
if sell 10 boats,

what if we make
$2,500.00 commission?

- And you feel useless
eating like a horse

from $2,500.00 commission?

- Now that's fallacy, Tod

about a man eating like a horse.

The average man eats 16
times his weight every year,

the average horse
only eat eights

his weight every year.

- You know I have no
interest whatsoever

in the average horse or in
what the average horse eats.

- What are we contributing?

- To what?

- To the world.

(playful suspenseful music)

- I'll go fetch him.

- Is that the driveway?

- Or the (mumbles)?

- Let's just say it
gets the job down.

- Good morning, sir.

- Hi.

- We got a new one in today.

A jet deck boat, no props.

Safe as your living room.

Holds 18 people.

Ideal for fishing families.

- Fishing families, huh?

- Yeah it goes 40 miles an hour,

it will pull four skiers

and you can't capsize it.

It comes on a
trailer, real beauty.

It's moored right out there.

Would you like your
free demonstration ride?

- 18 people huh?

- Yeah and room to spare.

- Then six would be a push?

- A breeze.

- Rev it up, young feller.

- Keep your fingers
crossed, old buddy,

looks like we finally landed
us a group of live ones.

- Looks more like a
funeral procession to me.

- Don't be ridiculous.

(whimsical instrumental music)

- Get a little sun, mi cher.

- Well it comes in all
colors including black.

- Yes well we don't
have much time old boy.

Shall we be going?

(upbeat classical music)

- This is your easy
to operate throttle

and heres your forward
and reverse gear.

- Explain it to our niece,

she is the one who is shopping.

- It's got a good feel to it.

- So they tell me.

- Go ahead, take the wheel.

How bout that?

- How old are you?

- 40, wide open

but you can ease it down to
four miles an hour without...

I beg your pardon?

- How old are you?

- 29.

You notice how
easily she handles?

Why?

- I've never been out
with a man under 40.

What we could
possibly talk about?

- Under 40 a man
doesn't have to talk.

On behalf of all men under 40,

how bout dinner
tonight, seven o'clock?

- I think not.

- You'd be delighted.

(soft classical music)

You never did learn to
knock, did you Otis?

If you were thinking
of taking a peek

at my diamond inventory,
every last karat

is in Switzerland.

This one, pure pest.

- And in the bosom
of your own family.

It shows an appalling
lack of trust.

Well I have down my part.

Tonight at the airport.

- So, the minute
my back is turned,

you two make the conspiracy.

- Why do you sneak in here?

- I thought it was my room.

- I submit that you and Samantha

are both plotting to
divide the four million.

(speaks French)

- Can't we at
least work together

and work trust each
until Margo gets married?

- Leon, where is Leon?

- He's downstairs.

How'd it go, Michael?

- Despite the rented
uniform, he bought it.

He leaves tonight.

- Get out of that costume.

Mr. Stiles will be
here in a second.

- Pity.

(playful suspenseful music)

- This way.

(group chattering)

- [All] Hello.

- hi.

- What are you drinking?

- Champagne?

- We have sanc a sanc, 55.

- Well let's not
hold that against it.

- Senor.

- Thank you.

- Oh tell me, do you
know much about lions?

The buggers tend to get rickets,

often lose two out
of a litter of three.

- Leon, nobody cares
about your baggy old lions

and their rickets.

- Oh yes, yes well
how about baboons.

Do you know much about them?

- No I don't think I
ever met any baboons.

- Well it was just as well,

the buggers are
forever hissing at you.

Yes but an incredible eyesight.

The best eyesight of any
ground animal on the belt.

You know I'd say that eyesight

was the equivalent of
eight powered binoculars.

- Pardon me, Leon my darling,

would you mind coming with
me into the next room?

Forgive me, would you?

- Very interesting, Stiles,
what you had to say.

- you will have to
forgive him, poor thing.

He has been out on
the safari so long

with the (mumbles) gun bearers,

when he sees an intelligent man,

he loses his head.

Coming Michael?

- I didn't realize we
were running so late.

Forgive us, Mr. Stiles.

- Goodnight.

(speaks French)

- Well, what's your story?

I warned you.

What could we
possible talk about?

- And I warned you.

Under 40, you don't need words.

(soft instrumental music)

- Leave this house, this family,

you leave me right this second.

Don't ever come back again.

No matter what I
may say tomorrow

or the day after tomorrow,

you listen to me now, tonight.

By tomorrow it may be too late.

(dramatic whimsical music)

(upbeat whimsical music)

(soft jazz music)

- What goes with 55 champagne?

- About 25 bucks a bottle.

- Beer.

- Oh bring in the Champagne.

- on who's 25 bucks?

- How'd your date thing?

- A funny thing happened to me

on to the way to Clearwater.

I was following this car
and she must of turned

north instead of west.

- I tried calling
you at the Tiffin's

but they said
you'd already left.

Oh that's fine and two nice
chilled glasses please.

I'm catching a plane in an hour.

Might as well go
in style, right?

- Clearly this is not my night.

- Remember I told
you I felt useless?

- A guy that can blow
25 bucks on champagne?

- Well the general
said I could send for

in about a month so
it's not as though

I'm breaking up the
team or anything.

You understand?

- Did you know lions get rickets

and baboons have
eight power eyesight?

- What it was was we
were getting anywhere

just batting around
from coast to coast.

Like you said, birds fly
south for the winter,

so did we.

We'll I'm smarter than a bird.

- You want the pro or the
con side of that argument?

- La vida nueva, a new life.

See I'm already picking
up a little Spanish.

You see Tod, you've
got to find that thing

that turns you on.

Okay we tried.

We drove around and we looked

but now I know it's
not following the sun

or even your nose

and it's not staying
in one place either

and just doing a
lot of busy work.

The only way you
can get turned on

is to find something
to do for people.

People who need you.

Like the people
needed us in Vietnam.

I signed a contract to
go to South America.

- When I left here at 6:30,

you were flying out to a movie.

Now I come back,

you're flying down to Rio.

I get the feeling that
somewhere in between

there's a piece missing.

- Well this one
country down there

has a lot of little villages

and the people down
there are always

being starved out or
shot at by bandits.

Well, I've been
hired to train them

so they can defend themselves.

- You're the
magnificent one huh?

- Oh the general said
I'm just a forerunner

and if things work out,
I'll see you in a month.

- Well why'd they pick you?

When did this happen,
who is this guy?

- Well I promised I wouldn't
discuss that with anyone,

even you but I can tell you

I met personally
with the general

who set up the system
of hamlet defense

just like we had in Vietnam

and I liked him Tod,
he's young and dynamic.

Look.

My advance expenses and my
plane ticket first class.

- What I can say after
I've said you'll be sorry?

- Good luck maybe.

- Good luck and no maybe.

Drink up, I'll drive
you to the airport.

(soft tense instrumental music)

Hey!

Hey.

- I say there, Stiles, morning.

- Morning.

- This is a happy coincidence.

I planned to look you up
today about that boat.

I thought I might order one,
organize an alligator hunt.

Sound sporting?

Now that ought to perk you up

with a nice fat commission.

- Well you'll have to bear
with me today, Mr. Tiffin.

Between Margo and
a friend of mine

and a missing car, I'm
not following very well.

- How bout a spot of
breakfast at the Howard,

a fresh start?

- Oh no thanks, not
at a time like this.

- Oh it's the best
thing in the world.

I mean life goes on right?

Come on, pop in old boy, pop in.

- Could we stop at a florist,

does she like roses?

- What ladies doesn't?

(soft classical music)

- Yes but he's on this
third cup of coffee,

the least you could do
is go and thank him.

- It's better we leave
it just as it is.

Now will you go out and tell
him I've gone back to Houston?

- What's the matter, darling?

You afraid of falling in love?

- Please, dear Aunt Samantha.

Don't play sentimental,
it hardly becomes you.

- Am I incapable of feeling?

- You said it, I didn't.

- At least you could
try to see him through

your fathers eyes, huh?

- What if I do?

What if I saw what he did?

What if I married the boy?

I might as well put
cyanide in his coffee.

- No, if you're going
to talk on that level.

- I'd be lucky to get him
out of the church alive.

- Diamonds, I have on
my fingers, not blood.

- What about Leon and Michael?

What about the blood
on their hands?

- Well Lions and peons
but, no not people.

- Thank you.

- [All] Good morning, Margo.

- good morning.

I hope you can forgive me for
the way I acted last night.

- What happened last night?

(whimsical instrumental music)

(bell rings)

(crowd cheering)

(soft classical music)

(romantic violin music)

(sultry jazz music)

(romantic classical music)

- For a long time, they objected

to the idea of a woman being
in the commodities market

but last year when
I was the only

long positioning
member to (mumbles)

and they were caught short,

all of a sudden I
was one of the boys.

- Utterly impossible.

- It's very simple.

The commodities market,

the fundamental principle
is that prices fluctuate.

- Why?

- Oh supply and demand.

- I suppose crop damage might
have something to do with it.

- Oh yes, yes, crop damage

definitely has
something to do with it.

The opening of new trade routes

and the railroads, canals.

(romantic organ music)

- No pockets.

(laughs)

I guess you think I'm nervous.

- I don't blame you.

- It's a big step.

- Could be your last one.

- I certainly hope so.

I never want to go
through this again.

Besides I made a
promise to myself

when I get married,

it's only once for
better or worse.

- Tod, do you remember
a distinguished

old gentlemen in Minneapolis
by the name of Pop Harrison?

- Yeah Pop Harrison, securities
and exchange commission,

investigating malpractice.

- Investigating, that old
buddy of mine invented it.

Any way that was Alexander
Tiffin, Margo's father.

- That's funny, she
never talked about him.

She never mentioned him.

I wonder why?

- Maybe because he let
her down all her life,

maybe cause she loved
him so hard it hurt

to talk about him.

Maybe even because she
didn't want you to know

how much money she
could be worth.

Afraid that might bother you.

You see son, I'm an executor,

you might as well, over an
estate of four million dollars

that Alex left behind.

Now the minute that
you and Margo say I do,

I've got 14 days
to make up my mind

which of six people gets
that big bundle of money.

Margo, those three uncles,

Samantha, or you.

- Me?

- You right in there boy,

right in there with
the rest of them

but to tell you the truth,

it ain't no place
I'd like to be.

- Could you run through
that once more for me?

- Senor, your time is up.

- Easy does it.

(romantic organ music)

(speaks French)

- And you (mumbles) you are
going on your honeymoon.

I promise I won't tell everyone.

- The second we're married,
I'm taking him out of here

and hiding him for 14 days.

If you think I'm going
to tell you where,

you're out of your mind.

(wedding march)

- Dearly beloved, we are
gathered together here

in the sight of god and in
the face of this company,

to join together
this and this woman

in holy matrimony.

- It's all in the papers, sir.

Ms. Margo Tiffin, a very
distinguished family.

- But he can't, just can't.

- I do.

- I do.

- If you'll kneel please.

In god the father, god the son,

god the holy ghost, bless
preserve and keep you.

The lord mercifully
with his favor

look upon you and fill
you with all spiritual

vindication and grace

that you may so live
together in this life

and in the world to come

you may have life
everlasting, amen.

- Come on!

(romantic organ music)

- Cars in front.

- Nevermind the car,
let's take a cab!

- Bravo me sister.

- It was much too easy.

She had to go out the back.

- Yeah it's a pity in way.

He was a rather
nice chap, Stiles.

I mean a man who likes
lions and baboons

can't be all bad.

(soft romantic classical music)

- Sorry folks, happens
to the best of families

I hate to admit this

but I never was much on motors.

The shop does most of
the stuff like that.

Know anything about cars?

(laughs)

Is this anything over here?

(screams)

(tense dramatic music)

(energetic instrumental music)

- [Narrator] A Screen
Gems presentation.

Herbert D. Leonard,
executive producer.