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Annie: MATT, IT'S ANNIE McINTYRE,

PRODUCER OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

WE ARE SO EXCITED YOU'RE GONNA BE DOING OUR SEASON PREMIERE.

OUR AUDIENCE IS JUST GONNA LOVE SEEING YOU

AND YOUR SPECTACULAR FLORAL DESIGNS.

YES, I JUST FINALIZED THE GUEST LIST.

IT'S GONNA BE AN AMAZING SHOW.

I GOT RAFAEL ROSSILINI...

AND DR. NANCY KNOWLAND,

THE NUTRITION GURU, JUST CONFIRMED.

SHE HAS HER OWN SHOW,

BUT SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T MISS

DOING OUR PREMIERE FOR ANYTHING.

OF COURSE MY MOTHER'S GONNA DO HER POINTERS.

IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT SHOW.

I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU.

YES!

OW! OH, MY GOD!

NIGEL, ARE YOU OKAY?!

AAH. OHH.

OH, IT'S HOT COFFEE. IT'S REALLY HOT COFFEE.

DOES IT HURT?

NO, I'M FINE. OHH.

NIGEL SPILLED HOT COFFEE ON HIS...

YOU-KNOW-WHAT.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT. THANK YOU. OKAY.

COLD ON A BURN.

ANNIE, GET SOME ICE.

PUT THE ICE CUBES THERE.

THERE?

FOR 30 MINUTES.

OH, DON'T BE SO BLOODY SHY, NIGEL.

WE'RE FAMILY HERE.

ANNIE'S LIKE YOUR SISTER.

RIGHT, AND MOM'S LIKE YOUR MOM. OHH.

SO, UH, HOW'S THE GUEST LIST GOING?

UH, DONE. IT'S AWESOME.

UH, MATT WOOD, THE FLORAL DESIGNER

WHO DOES THOSE FABULOUS PERMANENT BOTANICALS,

POSTPONED HIS TRIP TO FRANCE TO BE ON OUR SHOW.

AND WE ALSO HAVE --

RAFAEL ROSSILINI?

YEAH. HIS NEW COOKBOOK IS A HUGE BEST SELLER.

WELL, THE BLACK PLAGUE WAS QUITE SUCCESSFUL, TOO, WASN'T IT?

WE DON'T WANT HIM?

RAFAEL ROSSILINI CAN'T BOIL WATER!

THE RISOTTO HE MADE ON THE SHOW LAST YEAR WAS INEDIBLE.

Nigel: TRUE. A VIEWER WHO MADE HIS RISOTTO

SAID IT WAS SO STARCHY

THAT HER HUSBAND USED IT TO REPAIR DRYWALL.

AND DR. KNOWLAND --

I MEAN, YES, SHE'S POPULAR,

BUT ON CAMERA SHE'S ABOUT AS EXCITING AS WATCHING A TAN FADE.

I MEAN, DIDN'T YOU REVIEW THE TAPES OF HER SHOWS?

I HAVE SEEN A HUNDRED SHOWS

SINCE I GOT BACK FROM LONDON, MOTHER.

WELL, NOT TO WORRY.

I'LL GET YOU UP TO SPEED IN NO TIME AT ALL.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE HOME,

AND YOU'RE A THOUSAND MILES AWAY

FROM THAT TWIT YOU DATED AT SCHOOL.

HE WAS A FULL PROFESSOR. HE WAS HARDLY A TWIT.

WELL, YOUR FATHER AGREED WITH ME.

BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM?

I HAVE SENT HIM LIKE A DOZEN MESSAGES,

BUT HE'S ALWAYS TRAVELING OFF SOMEWHERE IN A MEETING.

OH, HE WAS LIKE THAT WHEN WE WERE MARRIED.

WORK IS ALL HE DOES. WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

MONEY.

MEN CONFUSE MONEY WITH THEIR MANHOOD.

THAT'S WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE PRODUCING MY SHOW.

BECAUSE I'M NOT A MAN?

Nigel: SPEAKING OF MEN AND MONEY,

THIS IS AN ARTICLE IN THE PAPER YOU SHOULD PROBABLY READ.

MORTON MERCHANT HAS FINALLY CLOSED THE DEAL

ON BUYING OUR PARENT COMPANY.

HE'S ALREADY PROMISED COST CUTS,

STAFF REDUCTIONS,

CREATIVE CHANGES --

JUST A BUNCH OF HOT AIR TO MAKE THE SHAREHOLDERS HAPPY.

WELL, SHOULD WE BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS?

I MEAN, HE'S GOT A TERRIBLE REPUTATION.

OUR SHOW'S A CASH COW.

HE'S NOT GONNA TOUCH US.

NIGEL, BRING YOUR ICE CUBES. WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

I THINK WE'LL START WITH COCKROACHES AND CATNIP.

Nigel: YOU WANT TO LEAD WITH BUGS?

BOLD.

WELL, IT'LL GET EVERYONE'S ATTENTION.

PEOPLE HATE THE LITTLE BUGGERS.

AS MUCH AS COCKROACHES HATE CATNIP.

CHECK THIS OUT.

ARE THOSE REAL COCKROACHES?

I'M AN ARTIST. I DON'T USE PROPS.

BUT DON'T WORRY -- THEY'RE SURROUNDED BY CATNIP.

IT'S LIKE A MAGINOT LINE -- IMPENETRABLE.

THE MAGINOT LINE WAS A DISASTER.

THE GERMANS WALKED RIGHT AROUND IT.

EXACTLY. THAT'S WHY MY MAGINOT LINE IS A CIRCLE.

UH-HUH.

WE'LL GO WITH THIS ONE SECOND.

NICE CHANGE OF PACE.

SPRAY PERFUME ON LIGHT BULBS.

IT EVAPORATES AND VOILà!

INSTANT AIR FRESHENER.

OHH, MY GOD. WHAT IS THIS SCENT?

EAU D'AMOUR.

I USED TO GIVE IT TO GIRLS ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

WHO WEREN'T SPEAKING TO YOU BY EASTER, I'D WAGER.

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

JUST A GUESS.

WE'LL USE MY FRENCH PERFUME INSTEAD.

OH! WHAT WAS THAT?

ONE OF THE LIGHT BULBS EXPLODED.

OH, IT'S THAT EAU D'AMOUR. IT'S NOTHING BUT ALCOHOL!

AAH! HIT THE FLOOR!

NIGEL, YOUR COCKROACHES HAVE ESCAPED!

THEY CRASHED RIGHT THROUGH YOUR SODDING MAGINOT LINE!

GET OFF THE FLOOR!

THE ROACHES AREN'T MOVING.

WHAT ARE THEY WAITING FOR?

US.

OH, MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY.

I WAS IN SUCH A HURRY...

APPARENTLY. ...THAT I DIDN'T HEAR YOU KNOCK.

I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO.

UH, MICHAEL MERCHANT.

MERCHANT?

MORTON MERCHANT'S SON. YOU?

ANNIE McINTYRE.

McINTYRE?

HER DAUGHTER AND THE PRODUCER

OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

OH, UH, JACK JAMESON, ANNIE McINTYRE --

PRUDENCE'S DAUGHTER.

WELL, WE'LL ALL BE SPENDING A GOOD DEAL OF TIME TOGETHER.

WE WILL? MM.

WHY'S THAT?

Nigel: THEY'RE NOT GOING AWAY.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SCARE THEM.

MAKE NOISE, LOTS OF IT.

OKAY.

NO, NO, LOUDER, NIGEL, LOUDER.

LIKE

MOM!

WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?

WE'RE SURROUNDED BY COCKROACHES.

IT'S ONE OF NIGEL'S EXPERIMENTS GONE BAD.

THE ROACHES ARE GONE.

GONE WHERE, NIGEL?

YOUR WHISTLE MUST'VE SCARED THEM.

THEY HAVE SENSITIVE ANTENNAE, YOU KNOW.

Annie: OKAY.

THERE'S SOMEONE HERE TO SEE YOU, MOM.

OH.

Michael: MISS McINTYRE...

MAY I CALL YOU PRUDENCE?

I'M MICHAEL MERCHANT, PRUDENCE --

MORTON MERCHANT'S SON.

THIS IS JACK JAMESON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WE'LL BE WORKING ON THE SEASON PREMIERE

OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

DOING WHAT?

WE'RE THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS.

NO, I'M THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. THIS IS MY SHOW.

WHICH IS OWNED BY MY FATHER'S COMPANY.

READ MY LIPS -- THIS IS MY SHOW.

WE WANT TO HELP YOU MAKE "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE"

THE BEST SHOW IT CAN POSSIBLY BE.

WHICH I HAVE BEEN DOING MYSELF FOR YEARS.

BUT THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENTS.

YOU'RE SO CLOSE TO THE SHOW.

WELL, I SHOULD BLOODY WELL HOPE SO. IT IS MY SHOW.

THAT IT'S TOUGH TO SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE.

NOW, JACK AND I BRING FRESH EYES,

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.

AND TALK IN NOTHING BUT CLICHéS, APPARENTLY.

JACK WILL HANDLE THE BUSINESS END OF THINGS.

HE'S A NUTS-AND-BOLTS GUY.

I'LL DO CREATIVE.

I'VE GOT SOME IDEAS YOU ARE GONNA LOVE.

NOW, YOU SHOOT THE ENTIRE SHOW HERE, RIGHT?

RIGHT. GOOD.

I'M GONNA WANDER AROUND,

SEE WHAT I HAVE TO WORK WITH.

ANNIE WILL SHOW YOU WHAT YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH.

COOL.

YEAH, I'D KILL FOR A LATTE.

A LATTE?

YEAH, A TRIPLE WOULD BE PERFECT.

NO, NIGEL DOESN'T WORK ON STAFF HERE.

HE RUNS MY MOTHER'S LAB.

WELL, THEN YOU MUST BE GREAT WITH MACHINES.

WHOLE MILK, NO FOAM. CAPICE?

WE'LL BE BACK IN 10 MINUTES.

WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD.

WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT.

BUT WE'RE BOTH ADULTS, PROFESSIONALS.

AND I'M SURE WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK.

WE HAVE TO.

WHY'S THAT?

'CAUSE MORTON MERCHANT PAID A LOT OF MONEY

FOR MEDIA ENTERPRISES,

AND HE WANTS CHANGE.

HE EXPECTS IT.

I DON'T GIVE A TOSS WHAT HE WANTS OR EXPECTS.

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

PRUDENCE...

YOU'RE STARTING TO IRRITATE ME.

LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT.

THIS ISN'T PERSONAL.

THIS IS BUSINESS.

MORTON MERCHANT PAYS ME TO MAKE HIM MONEY.

I'LL MAKE HIM MONEY.

AND I'LL MAKE HIM A HELL OF A LOT MORE.

NOW, LOOK. WE DON'T HAVE TO BE ENEMIES.

NO, I SUPPOSE WE DON'T.

GOOD.

WE BLOODY WELL ARE!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?

IT'S FOR THE LAST 25 YEARS.

YOU WENT OUT TO GET -- WHAT? --

A BOTTLE OF WINE, A PACKET OF CIGARETTES...

BOTH! ...AND NEVER CAME BACK.

I WROTE, DIDN'T I?

YEAH, A POSTCARD FROM SODDING AFGHANISTAN.

TURKMENISTAN.

WHICH ARRIVED THREE MONTHS LATER.

THEY DIDN'T HAVE AIR MAIL! IT WENT OUT IN A YAK!

AND NOW YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO WALK INTO MY LIFE

AND SAY, "WE DON'T HAVE TO BE ENEMIES."

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES. ARE YOU STILL ANGRY?

THAT WAS 25 YEARS AGO.

I WAS ANGRY AND HURT THEN.

NOW, I'M JUST...DISGUSTED,

BECAUSE I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

IN THE FIRST PLACE.

PRUDENCE...

PRU--

PRUDENCE.

I'M SURPRISED... AND PLEASED.

I THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE TO BUILD A SET,

BUT THERE'S A LOT TO WORK WITH RIGHT HERE.

WELL, THAT'S ENCOURAGING,

SINCE THE SHOW IS CALLED "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

I'VE ALREADY HIRED AN ARCHITECT AND AN INTERIOR DESIGNER

TO WORK UP SOME IDEAS, SO...

SEND THEM TO ME.

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

BECAUSE NOTHING GETS CHANGED IN THIS HOUSE WITHOUT MY APPROVAL

AND MY MOTHER'S.

YOU'LL LOVE WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

IT IS GOING TO TOTALLY SEX UP THE HOUSE.

"SEX UP THE HOUSE"? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

YES, WHAT? WE'RE NOT DOING A SHOW ABOUT A BORDELLO.

OW!

DAMN, THAT'S HOT!

OH. I'M SORRY.

I'M NOT VERY GOOD WITH ESPRESSO MACHINES.

I'LL GET IT.

MICHAEL, YOU WERE SAYING ABOUT MY HOUSE?

THE HOUSE IS LOVELY,

BUT IT JUST FEELS TOO...

DOMESTIC.

DOMESTIC? MM-HMM.

WELL, HOW ELSE IS A HOUSE SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS ON WHO LIVES IN THE HOUSE, DOESN'T IT?

WELL, I LIVE IN THIS HOUSE,

AND MY FANS LOVE BEING INVITED HERE EVERY WEEK.

THEN THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE THE REDO I HAVE IN MIND.

HOW CAN WE EXPLOIT THIS, JACK?

WE'LL HAVE ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST

DO A COVER ARTICLE ON THE HOUSE

AND THEN DEVOTE AN ENTIRE EPISODE TO HAVING PRUDENCE

GIVE HER AUDIENCE A TOUR.

MULTI-MEDIA SYNERGY!

THAT IS SO TIGHT, JACK! I LOVE IT!

ALL RIGHT, SO, IT'S A GREAT START, PEOPLE.

WE'LL CONTINUE TOMORROW MORNING, 10-ISH?

AND WHY DON'T WE, UH, GRAB A DRINK,

YOU KNOW, KICK SOME IDEAS AROUND?

A DRINK? I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH TO DO.

Prudence: DO IT LATER, SWEETIE.

YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND

EXACTLY WHAT CREATIVE IDEAS MICHAEL HAS IN MIND.

GREAT.

OKAY.

WE CAN, UH, CONTINUE OVER DINNER.

SORRY, NED.

I'LL BE IN THE LAB,

WORKING ON ESPRESSO OR SOMETHING.

YOU GOT OFF THE BALCONY.

YEAH. I CLIMBED HALFWAY DOWN THE STORM DRAIN,

AND I FELL THE LAST 15 FEET.

WELL, YOU NEVER DID LIKE GETTING STUCK IN ONE PLACE FOR TOO LONG.

SOAK THE SPRAINED ANKLE IN HOT WATER

AND A CUP OF LAUNDRY DETERGENT.

IT'LL TAKE AWAY THE PAIN...

AND CLEAN YOUR FEET, AS WELL.

THANKS.

Prudence: IT'S HIS ATTITUDE THAT BOTHERS ME.

TOTALLY. HE EXPECTS TO GET WHATEVER HE WANTS,

LIKE IT'S HIS BIRTHRIGHT OR SOMETHING.

ABSO-BLOODY-LUTELY. AND THIS IS MY HOME.

HE CAN'T JUST WALK IN.

LIKE HE OWNS THE PLACE AND EVERYONE IN IT.

HE'S A COMPLETE NARCISSIST.

THE UNIVERSE REVOLVES AROUND HIM.

GRANTED, HE IS CHARMING.

CHARM'S AN INCH DEEP.

NOTHING BUT COLD STONE UNDERNEATH. NO HEART.

MAYBE, BUT PEOPLE SEE THIS ATTRACTIVE GUY,

AND THEY ASSUME...

WELL, LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING.

THEY ARE, ESPECIALLY TO WOMEN.

HE'S NOT EVEN THAT HANDSOME.

I MEAN, IN THE RIGHT LIGHT,

HIS FACE IS ALL WONKY AND OFF BALANCE OR SOMETHING.

I HADN'T NOTICED.

OH, TRUST ME.

THE OLDER HE GETS, THE MORE OBVIOUS IT IS.

HOW OLD DO YOU THINK MICHAEL IS?

MICHAEL?!

MICHAEL'S ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN ME.

BUT HE'S SO DIFFERENT THAN ALL THE OTHER GUYS HIS AGE.

HE'S GOT SO MUCH ENERGY.

ENERGY?

YEAH, MOST OF THE GUYS I KNOW ARE REALLY BORED AND DETACHED,

BUT HE'S REALLY... TURNED ON.

I'LL BET HE'S TURNED ON.

"TURNED ON"? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

WELL, HE'S ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT EVERYTHING.

IT'S...INFECTIOUS.

INFECTIOUS?

YOU SHOULDN'T BE FRATERNIZING WITH THAT BOY.

FRATERNIZING? WE HAD A DRINK --

WHICH WAS YOUR IDEA, BY THE WAY.

SWEETIE, HE'S THE ENEMY.

HE'S COME TO TAKE OVER THE SHOW,

AND -- HOW DID HE PUT IT?

"SEX IT UP" WAS HOW HE PUT IT.

THAT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH.

IT'S A BLOODY DECLARATION OF WAR!

WHATEVER.

SO, HOW DID IT GO?

WHAT DID YOU LEARN ABOUT THE SHIFTY LITTLE BLAGGARD?

OH, SO MUCH. HE HAS HAD AN AMAZING LIFE.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIS SORDID LIFE.

WHAT ARE HIS PLANS FOR THE SHOW?

WELL, WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT THE SHOW.

WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAINSTORMING?

I TRIED TO, BUT MICHAEL WASN'T INTERESTED.

DON'T WORRY. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

SO, WE'RE AGREED.

NO MORE HAPPY-HOUR HOBNOBBING.

NO, WE ARE NOT AGREED. I AM AN ADULT, MOTHER.

I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.

AS THEY SAY IN ENGLAND --

"MIND YOUR OWN BLOODY BEESWAX."

I DON'T CARE MUCH FOR MICHAEL'S "INFECTIOUS" ENERGY.

I CAN SEE WHY. I MEAN, THE GUY'S VERY...VERY...

EXACTLY. YEAH.

AND ANNIE'S SO VULNERABLE,

ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT WANKER IN LONDON BROKE HER HEART.

AND I DON'T THINK SHE'S READY FOR...

DEFINITELY NOT.

YEAH.

I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP AN EYE ON BOTH OF THEM, 24/7.

ON THEM? ME?

WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON,

AND I CAN'T SPY ON MY OWN DAUGHTER, CAN I?

NO, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO...

OH, YOU'RE JUST PART OF THE SCENERY, NIGEL.

NO ONE WILL PAY ANY ATTENTION TO YOU.

Michael: IT'S JUST A PRELIMINARY IDEA,

BUT YOU CAN SEE WHERE I'M GOING.

Prudence: OH, STRAIGHT TO HELL IN A HAND BASKET.

Nigel: IT LOOKS LIKE A WAREHOUSE DOWNTOWN.

THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT, NICK!

IT'S "NIGEL."

IT'S AN URBAN LOOK.

VERY HAPPENING.

EVERYONE'S MOVING DOWNTOWN.

WELL, I'M NOT. AND NEITHER IS MY HOUSE.

WELL, WE HAD MARKETING ANALYZE YOUR AUDIENCE DEMOGRAPHICS.

I KNOW MY AUDIENCE.

BETTER THAN ANYONE.

YEAH, MOM KNOWS HALF OF HER FANS BY THEIR FIRST NAMES.

WELL, THEN YOU KNOW THEY'RE PREDOMINANTLY FEMALE,

MARRIED, AND MIDDLE CLASS.

PRECISELY.

MERCHANT WANTS A BROADER AUDIENCE,

WITH A LARGER SOCIOECONOMIC FOOTPRINT.

WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN?

MORE MEN, SINGLES, FAST-TRACK PROFESSIONALS

WITH DISPOSABLE INCOME.

WE GRAB THAT AUDIENCE,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE THEM FOR THE NEXT 50 YEARS.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ME FOR THAT LONG.

IT'S JUST GOOD MANAGEMENT TO THINK ABOUT TOMORROW, TODAY.

TRUE...

WE DO NEED TO PLAN TO HAND OFF THE BATON.

HAND OFF THE BATON? TO WHOM?

WHO IS THAT?

WHAT IS THAT?

THAT'S ANGELICA ADAMS.

THE NEW CO-HOST OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

ARE YOU COMPLETELY DAFT?

I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT A BLEACHED BLONDE TART

IS GONNA BE MY CO-HOST?

AND SUCCESSOR?

IT'S JUST AN OPTION.

SHE IS NOT AN OPTION.

WE EXPECT HER TO ATTRACT A WHOLE NEW AUDIENCE OF "PRUDENCE" VIEWERS.

WHICH SHE WILL. RATINGS JUMPED 25%

WHEN SHE DID THE WEATHER IN SIOUX CITY.

WELL, SHE COULD READ THE BLOODY TELEPHONE BOOK

IN THAT OUTFIT AND GET VIEWERS.

EXACTLY.

SO, MOVING ON...

I WANT HER TO STAY HERE.

IN MY HOUSE? WHY?

SO YOU TWO CAN GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I WANT A CHEMISTRY

BETWEEN YOU TWO WHEN WE SHOOT THE PREMIERE,

LIKE YOU'RE SISTERS...

...OR BEST FRIENDS.

LOVELY.

YOU LIKE IT?

ABSOLUTELY.

AND YOU CAN CALL THE SHOW "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE...

AND A BIMBO IN A BATHING SUIT."

SHE'S GONNA NEED A LITTLE MASSAGING ON THIS, JACK.

HANDLE IT.

Annie: HAVING ANGELICA STAY IN THE HOUSE IS A BAD IDEA,

FOR SO MANY DIFFERENT REASONS.

I AGREE.

OKAY, AM I -- AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE

WHO CAN THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX?

LOOK, IT'LL BE GOOD FOR THE SHOW.

WHERE CAN ANGELICA STAY?

WELL, THERE'S THE GUEST QUARTERS IN THE BACK OF THE HOUSE.

ALL RIGHT, GREAT.

LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

I GUESS I HAVE WORK TO DO.

Annie: THE GUEST QUARTERS AREN'T LAVISH,

BUT IT'S TOTALLY PRIVATE OUT HERE AND VERY COZY.

COZY AND PRIVATE SOUNDS GOOD.

I HOPE ANGELICA WILL BE COMFORTABLE.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

ANGIE GREW UP IN A TRAILER PARK.

HOT WATER AND INDOOR PLUMBING IS LIKE A VACATION FOR HER.

Jack: YOU NEED TO BE REASONABLE ON THIS, PRUDENCE.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE BAD CHINESE FOOD, JACK.

YOU JUST KEEP POPPING BACK UP.

THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN. YOU GOT TO ACCEPT IT.

THIS IS SO SORDID. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.

IT'S CALLED SHOW BUSINESS,

NOT SHOW ART, PRUDENCE.

WE'RE ALL JUST SELLING SOAP.

WHEN I MET YOU,

YOU WERE WRITING THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.

NOW YOU'RE SELLING SOAP?

THAT BOOK WAS TERRIBLE. IT WAS A WASTE OF MY TIME.

WELL, YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THAT.

YOU LIKED IT?

NO, NO, IT WAS DREADFUL,

BUT IT WASN'T A WASTE OF TIME.

WHEN DID YOU JUST SETTLE, JACK?

I DIDN'T SETTLE. I CHANGED.

THAT'S A PITY.

NO, NO, IT'S NOT.

IT'S WHAT I DO NOW. AND I'M GOOD.

I'VE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT.

YOU THINK MAKING MORE MONEY

FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY STINKING RICH

IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT?

THEY SEEM TO.

SO THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS?

SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO BREAK EGGS TO MAKE AN OMELET.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT EGGS, JACK. THIS IS ABOUT MY SHOW.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO DESTROY IT.

MERCHANT'S CALLING THE SHOTS.

I'M JUST... FOLLOWING ORDERS HERE.

GOD, YOU REALLY DID SETTLE, DIDN'T YOU?

OH, YEAH? AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?

RIDING YOUR MOTHER'S COATTAILS, HUH? COATTAILS?

YEAH! PITCHING POINTERS LIKE SHE DID 50 YEARS AGO.

WELL, I'M PROUD OF WHAT I DO.

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE'S LIVES.

OH, YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE. YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE, WITHOUT YOU,

PEOPLE WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A BACK SCRUBBER

OUT OF A PAIR OF PANTY HOSE

OR TAKE AN OLD SOCK AND TURN IT INTO A HEATING PAD.

AHA! YOU'VE BEEN READING MY COLUMN,

AND WATCHING MY SHOW.

NOT IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

WHAT LIFE? YOU SOLD YOURS.

I GOT A DAMN GOOD PRICE FOR IT, TOO.

SO, YOU'RE RICH AND MISERABLE.

HAPPINESS IS OVERRATED.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HAPPY, JACK?

YEAH. ONCE.

WHEN?

WHEN I WAS IN LOVE.

NOT YOU, JACK. YOU'D HAVE TO HAVE A HEART TO BE IN LOVE.

OH, I HAD A HEART.

I HAD A HEART, AND I GAVE IT TO YOU.

YOU LEFT ME WITHOUT A BLOODY WORD OF EXPLANATION.

YOU OPENED THE DOOR, DIDN'T YOU?

AND YOU WANTED TO LEAVE!

YOU GOT MARRIED FOUR MONTHS LATER!

YOU KNOW I WOULD'VE MARRIED YOU,

BUT IT SCARED YOU STUPID.

I LOVED YOU. AND I LOVED YOU!

THAT...THAT...

...WAS A BAD IDEA.

THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

EVER!

Michael: WE HAVEN'T EVEN SCRATCHED THE SURFACE

ON HOW TO EXPLOIT "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

EXPLOIT IT? ABSOLUTELY.

THE SHOW MAKES DECENT MONEY,

BUT WE CAN INCREASE REVENUE 300%, 400%.

HOW?

WHERE DO I START?

EXAMPLE --

PruPointers USE REGULAR HOUSEHOLD STUFF, RIGHT?

RIGHT, THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LIKE THEM.

AND THE PEOPLE WHO SELL THAT STUFF

WILL PAY HUGE MONEY TO HAVE PRUDENCE McINTYRE

SELL THEIR PRODUCTS.

YOU MEAN PRODUCT PLACEMENT?

NO WAY. MY MOM THINKS THAT'S SLEAZY.

IT'S GOOD BUSINESS.

SHE'LL NEVER DO IT, MICHAEL.

SIT DOWN. WE NEED TO TALK.

YOU'RE THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW, ANNIE.

YOU MAKE THE TOUGH DECISIONS.

I'M PRODUCING MY MOTHER'S SHOW. IT'S NOT THAT EASY.

YOU THINK IT'S EASY WORKING FOR A MAN

WHO WANTS TO BE CALLED "MISTER"?

NO. SOUNDS LIKE IT SUCKS.

TOTALLY.

BUT WHEN I MAKE THE TOUGH DECISIONS,

THE OLD MAN RESPECTS ME.

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO DO THE SAME THING.

DECLARE YOUR INDEPENDENCE.

IT'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY, ANNIE.

I'M GONNA BE RUNNING MY FATHER'S COMPANY SOMEDAY.

I'M ALREADY BUILDING A TEAM OF PEOPLE

WITH TALENT, VISION, COMMITMENT.

I WANT YOU ON THAT TEAM.

I'M NOT SURE --

ANNIE...

YOU HELP ME MAKE "AT HOME" A SUCCESS,

AND YOU CAN WRITE YOUR OWN TICKET.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

WHY?

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME.

I KNOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW.

THE SKY'S THE LIMIT.

YOU'RE GOOD.

AND YOU CAN BE GREAT.

I'LL DO WHAT I CAN, BUT I CAN ONLY PUSH HER SO FAR.

OOH. DON'T PUSH HER. PULL HER.

NOBODY PULLS MY MOTHER. TRUST ME.

AND YOU WILL, FOR YOUR SAKE,

AND FOR HERS, TOO.

MEANING?

MY FATHER'S NEVER SEEN THE SHOW.

HE COULDN'T TELL A PruPointer FROM A PIZZA.

ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS MAKING MONEY -- LOTS OF IT.

IF YOUR MOTHER WON'T PLAY BALL,

HE'LL TAKE HER OUT OF THE GAME.

MY MOTHER IS THE GAME, MICHAEL.

IT'S A NEW GAME.

BY THE WAY, CANCEL THE GUESTS

THAT YOU WERE PLANNING FOR THE PREMIERE.

WHY?

I WANT TO GO WITH EDGY, EXCITING GUESTS --

PEOPLE WITH SIZZLE.

ON "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE"?

THE NEW "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

I'M BUSY, JACK.

THIS CAN'T WAIT. WILL YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE?

HEY, I'M GLAD WE TALKED.

THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID?

WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND ANNIE?

WHY?

WELL, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PRODUCING A SHOW HERE.

ANYTHING PERSONAL IS UNPROFESSIONAL,

AND IT'S UNNECESSARY.

ANNIE'S THE PRODUCER.

WHAT I'M DOING WITH HER IS PROFESSIONAL AND NECESSARY.

HOW I DO IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

YEAH, IT IS.

I'M ONE OF THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?

JACK, YOU'RE A HIRED HAND WORKING FOR MY FATHER.

I'M HIS SON. BLOOD HAS PRIVILEGES.

SO DON'T BE AN IDIOT.

CAPICE?

NICE.

WE SHOULD PLACE SEVERAL OF MATT'S ARRANGEMENTS

THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE

SO THAT THE VIEWERS CAN SEE HOW UNBELIEVABLY REAL

THESE PERMANENT FLOWERS LOOK.

YEAH, I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

WE'LL PUT SOME IN THE FOYER, THE LIVING ROOM,

AND THE DINING ROOM.

YOU TWO CAN DO A WALK AND TALK FROM ROOM TO ROOM.

MM. EXACTLY. WALK AND TALK.

JUST TALKED TO ANGIE.

SHE'S ARRIVING TOMORROW MORNING,

AND SHE IS VERY EXCITED TO MEET YOU.

WELL, I'M ON PINS AND NEEDLES, TOO.

IT WAS GOOD TALKING WITH YOU, ANNIE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO START WORKING OUT THE DETAILS OF THE SHOW.

WHAT DETAILS?

OH, YOU KNOW, HAIR, MAKEUP,

WARDROBE -- I'VE GOT SOME REALLY COOL IDEAS.

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THEM.

DID HE MENTION ANY OF THIS TO YOU?

UH, NO DETAILS,

BUT IT WOULDN'T HURT TO SEE WHAT HE'S THINKING ABOUT.

WELL, I COULDN'T CARE LESS

WHAT THAT ARROGANT LITTLE GIT IS THINKING ABOUT.

YOU'RE MY PRODUCER.

MICHAEL ISN'T REQUIRED TO HAVE ANY IDEAS,

ESPECIALLY COOL ONES.

HOW'S IT GOIN'?

I'M A LITTLE OVERWHELMED, BUT IT'S COMING TOGETHER.

YOU'RE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH MICHAEL.

I HAVE TO. HE'S VERY HANDS-ON.

I CAN SEE THAT.

SO, IS IT JUST BUSINESS, OR ARE YOU GUYS...

I HARDLY KNOW THE GUY, NIGEL. IT'S BUSINESS.

RIGHT. OF COURSE. IT'S JUST HE'S SO "INFECTIOUS."

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

A TRUCK FROM MERCHANT'S COMPANY JUST DELIVERED IT.

UNPACK THE REST OF THE BOXES, INVENTORY THE CONTENT,

AND WHENEVER YOU CAN, USE THESE IN OUR PruPointers.

WHY? I HAVE A LAB FULL OF STUFF.

WE'RE MAKING PRODUCT-PLACEMENT DEALS.

THE MORE WE USE, THE MORE WE GET PAID.

YOUR MOM APPROVED THIS?

MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.

YOU APPROVED IT?

MICHAEL AND I DISCUSSED IT. IT WAS A BUSINESS DECISION.

PRUDENCE HATES BUSINESS DECISIONS.

MICHAEL SAID THEY'D FIRE HER IF SHE DIDN'T PLAY BALL.

WHAT? THEY CAN'T DO THAT.

THEY CAN, NIGEL, AND THEY WILL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON'T SAY ANYTHING.

PLEASE.

I PROMISE.

THANK YOU.

I CAN ALWAYS DEPEND ON YOU.

LOOK, YOUR MOM IS A PEOPLE PERSON.

IF SHE HAS TO, SHE'LL FIND A DIPLOMATIC WAY

TO DEAL WITH MICHAEL AND HIS FATHER.

HE'S NOT GONNA TOUCH A THING ON MY BODY!

NOT MY MAKEUP, NOT MY HAIR.

I MEAN, THIS IS MY SHOW!

AND I'M NOT GONNA HAVE SOME BLOODY MAKEOVER DONE

BY SOME TWENTYSOMETHING TWIT

WITHOUT AN OUNCE OF TASTE OR GOOD SENSE

IN HIS POINTY LITTLE HEAD!

SEE? DIPLOMACY.

Annie: OH, MY GOD, JACK, THIS IS AMAZING.

THANKS. OMELETS ARE MY SPECIALTY.

I DON'T KNOW ANY GUYS THAT CAN COOK.

WELL, I'M A SINGLE GUY WHO LOVES TO EAT.

WELL, MY MOM'S SINGLE, AND SHE LOVES TO EAT,

BUT SHE'S HOPELESS IN THE KITCHEN.

IT'S LIKE A FOREIGN PLANET TO HER OR SOMETHING.

I KNOW. YOU DO?

WELL, NO, NOT ABOUT YOUR MOM,

BUT THERE'S A LOT OF CAREER WOMEN

WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK.

YEAH. I CAN'T EVEN BOIL WATER.

BUT I'D LOVE TO LEARN.

WELL, I'D BE HAPPY TO GET YOU STARTED.

JUST SAY THE WORD.

REALLY? SURE.

THAT WOULD BE SO COOL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I GOT HERE EARLY, AND ANNIE WAS HUNGRY, SO...

JACK'S AN AMAZING COOK.

HAVE HIM MAKE YOU AN OMELET.

IT'S HIS SPECIALTY.

GOOD WITH EGGS, ARE YOU?

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER.

ANY TIME.

OKAY.

WHAT OFFER?

ANNIE WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO COOK,

SO I'M GONNA SHOW HER THE BASICS.

OH. THAT'S VERY KIND.

YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE COMING HERE EARLY.

I MEAN, THIS IS MY HOUSE.

I DIDN'T WANT TO DISTURB YOU.

YOU NEVER LIKED BEING WOKEN UP BY SURPRISE.

NO, ESPECIALLY BY A STRANGE MAN.

FOR A STRANGE MAN,

I SPENT AN AWFUL LOT OF TIME IN YOUR BEDROOM.

IN ANOTHER LIFE.

IN ANOTHER LIFE,

YOU USED TO LOVE OMELETS.

WANT ME TO MAKE YOU ONE?

I GAVE UP EGGS 25 YEARS AGO.

OH. TOO BAD,

'CAUSE I'M MUCH BETTER AT MAKING OMELETS NOW.

OH, YOU JUST LIKE CRACKING THE EGGS.

WELL, SOME THINGS YOU CAN'T AVOID.

I HAVE A MUCH MORE DEFT TOUCH NOW.

HOW NICE FOR THE EGGS.

FRESH VEGGIES...

FETA CHEESE...

MUSHROOMS.

REMEMBER?

NO.

NO?

IN THE GARDEN BEHIND OUR FLAT EVERY SUNDAY MORNING,

YOU'D READ THE TIMES, COVER TO COVER.

DO THE CROSSWORD.

MM. WHILE I SAUTéED THE VEGGIES AND THE MUSHROOMS

AND THE BUTTER AND THE GARLIC,

AND THEN AT THE LAST MOMENT, I'D ADD THE FETA CHEESE

WITH JUST A LITTLE

DASH OF HOT SAUCE.

WHAT'D YOU USED TO CALL IT?

DOLLOP.

A DOLLOP.

MM, THAT WAS GOOD.

BUT THAT WAS IN ANOTHER LIFE,

AND YOU HAVE GIVEN UP EGGS, HAVEN'T YOU?

SHUT UP, JACK, AND MAKE THE BLOODY OMELET.

PICKED YOU UP A COPY OF THE TIMES.

OH, TELL ME THAT'S NOT...

ANGELICA ADAMS!

HI, THERE!

OH, MY GOD.

IT LOOKS LIKE THE BLOODY CIRCUS ROLLED INTO TOWN.

THAT'S HAIR, MAKEUP, WARDROBE, P.R. PHOTOGRAPHER.

PRUDENCE McINTYRE, ANGELICA ADAMS.

MM.

I AM SO THRILLED TO MEET YOU, MISS McINTYRE.

I COULD CRY. I'M RIGHT ON THE VERGE.

MY GRAMMY WAS A HUGE FAN OF YOUR MOTHER'S --

AND YOURS, OF COURSE -- MY MAMA STILL IS.

SHE AND ALL THE GALS IN HER POKER CLUB

NEVER MISS YOUR SHOW!

THEY CANNOT BELIEVE

THAT I'M GONNA BE THE CO-HOST ON YOUR SHOW!

ANGIE ADAMS FROM SIOUX CITY!

NEITHER CAN I.

OH, I THOUGHT MAMA WAS GONNA FALL OVER AND DIE

WHEN I TOLD HER.

OF COURSE, SHE SMOKES AND DRINKS WAY TOO MUCH,

SO YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL AS NOT TO EXCITE THE POOR WOMAN.

I'M...I JUST...

I JUST COULDN'T BEAR TO LOSE HER.

FAMILY'S VERY IMPORTANT TO ANGIE.

OH, MY GOSH!

IS THAT THE FRONT DOOR?!

YES, IT IS. EVERY HOME HAS ONE.

OF COURSE,

BUT THIS IS THE FRONT DOOR THAT YOU GO THROUGH

TO START YOUR SHOW!

HI! I'M PRUDENCE McINTYRE.

COME IN AND MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE!

OH, MY GOD.

WE ARE GONNA MAKE SUCH A GREAT TEAM, MISS McINTYRE.

OH!

Angelica: THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!

IT TRULY IS!

I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY BATHROOMS.

I GUESS NOBODY HAS TO WAIT

FOR THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM AROUND HERE.

NO. OR THE LITTLE BOYS' ROOM.

IT'S A REGULAR CHILDREN'S PARADISE.

MAMA AND HER BOYFRIEND, ERNIE --

HE'S AN ELVIS IMPERSONATOR --

LIVE IN A DOUBLE-WIDE.

SHE'S AN ANIMAL HOARDER,

WITH A MESS OF DOGS AND CATS

AND AN OLD PARROT THAT CUSSES ALL THE TIME.

I SWEAR THAT BIRD MAKES ME BLUSH,

AND I DATED A BUNCH OF MARINES!

ANYWAY, IT'S CROWDED IN THAT TRAILER.

AND THE BATHROOMS -- NO, DON'T EVEN ASK.

WELL, IT NEVER ENTERED MY MIND.

WELL...

OUR ANGELICA'S GOT QUITE A WARDROBE HERE.

THOSE ARE FOR YOU AND ANGELICA.

INTERESTING.

GOOD.

SO, ANNIE, WHY DON'T WE SHOW ANGIE THE GUEST COTTAGE?

WHY DON'T WE?

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, ANGE.

AFTER YOU.

I'M SURE YOU'LL LIKE ANGELICA ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HER.

OH, I DON'T DISLIKE HER, JACK.

I MEAN, SHE SEEMS PERFECTLY LOVELY IN HER OWN WAY.

I JUST RESENT THE IDEA THAT MY SHOW NEEDS ANGELICA...

OR A BIGGER SOCIOECONOMIC FOOTPRINT

OR THESE SILLY OUTFITS.

I MEAN, YOU HAD TASTE ONCE, JACK.

DO YOU REALLY LIKE THIS SORT OF THING?

IT'S NOT MY DECISION.

OH, NO. OF COURSE NOT.

MICHAEL'S THE CREATIVE HALF OF YOUR PARTNERSHIP.

WE'RE NOT PARTNERS. I JUST MET THE KID LAST WEEK.

HE THINKS I'M REALLY GONNA WEAR THIS SORT OF THING?

ANGELICA IS.

AND MICHAEL JUST WANTS TO SEE YOU IN SOMETHING COMPARABLE.

THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT ANGELICA AND ME THAT IS COMPARABLE.

WE'RE FROM DIFFERENT PLANETS.

WE'RE FROM DIFFERENT BLOODY GALAXIES.

PRUDENCE, JUST TRY SOME DIFFERENT IDEAS --

WARDROBE, MAKEUP, HAIRSTYLES --

JUST SEE WHAT WORKS.

WORKS FOR WHOM?

FOR EVERYONE, PRUDENCE.

WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME TEAM HERE.

WELL, I NEVER DID LIKE TEAM SPORTS.

THERE'S ALWAYS SOME BLOODY WANKER

TELLING EVERYONE WHAT TO DO.

THAT NEVER DID WORK FOR YOU, DID IT --

HAVING SOMEONE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO?

NO. STILL DOESN'T.

OH, MY GOD!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH, MICHAEL!

I LOVE THEM! I LOVE ALL OF THEM!

IT TOTALLY WORKS.

DON'T YOU LOVE THEM, MISS McINTYRE?

I'LL TALK TO HER.

GOOD IDEA.

YOU ARE THE PRODUCER.

UM, OH.

ANNIE.

UH, BEFORE I FORGET, DID YOU CANCEL YOUR GUESTS?

YEAH, OF COURSE.

IT WASN'T PLEASANT, BUT I --

IT'S YOUR JOB. YEAH.

HERE IS THE NEW GUEST LIST.

YOU BOOKED GRAVEYARD?

COOL, HUH?

BUT THEY'RE TOTALLY EDGY.

EXACTLY. IT'LL SET THE MOOD FOR THE ENTIRE SEASON.

AND DICK RICHARDS, THE SHOCK JOCK?

YEAH.

HE LOVES DISSING YOUR MOTHER ON HIS SHOW.

NOW HE CAN DO IT --

OR TRY TO DO IT -- ON HER SHOW.

ROWL! CAT FIGHT.

THAT SHOULD BE INTERESTING.

YEAH, IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME.

HEY, I'M OUTTA HERE.

HEY, WALK ME OUT, ANGE.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT A MUSIC VIDEO.

WHOO. THAT SOUNDS FUN.

LOTS OF CHANGES, HUH?

YEAH.

YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER FOR YOU?

NO. NO, I'LL DO IT. IT'S MY JOB.

IT'S ALL GONNA WORK OUT.

YEAH.

YEAH.

Nigel: THIS IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER.

YOUR MOTHER'S GONNA GO BALLISTIC WHEN SHE SEES THIS.

THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC

IS GONNA BE A TEA PARTY COMPARED TO THIS.

MELTDOWN OF THREE MILE ISLAND -- NO BIG DEAL.

OKAY, NIGEL, ENOUGH! I GET IT.

SORRY. I JUST...

I JUST WHAT WAS MICHAEL THINKING ABOUT?

HIMSELF?

WHICH IS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I TOLD YOU I WAS TRYING TO KEEP MOM

FROM GETTING KICKED OFF HER OWN SHOW.

WELL, THERE'S MORE.

WHAT ELSE CAN HE DO TO HER?

NO, IT'S WHAT HE CAN DO FOR ME.

HE TOLD ME THAT I'D BE ABLE TO WRITE MY OWN TICKET

IN HIS COMPANY.

I COULD HAVE A CAREER OF MY OWN, NIGEL -- A BIG ONE.

WOW, THAT MUST BE TEMPTING.

IT IS.

LOOK, I LOVE MOM, AND I LOVE WORKING WITH HER,

BUT I YOU KNOW...

SHE CAN BE DEMANDING, COMPULSIVE, INSENSITIVE,

CONTROLLING --

YEAH, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY, BUT...

OH. WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY?

THAT I'D WANT SOMETHING THAT'S MINE.

YOU KNOW, NOT HERS, NOT OURS --

MINE.

THAT'S FAIR ENOUGH.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO HURT HER.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

WELL, YOU'RE PRUDENCE McINTYRE'S DAUGHTER.

WHAT WOULD SHE DO?

THE RIGHT THING?

THEN THAT'S YOUR ANSWER.

YEAH, BUT WHAT'S THE RIGHT THING?

THAT'S A WHOLE NOTHER QUESTION.

ANGELICA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

SWEETIE, WHAT'S WRONG?

DO YOU WANT TO TALK?

DO YOU?

OH, NO, NO, NO. I COULDN'T, MISS McINTYRE.

CALL ME PRUDENCE.

THE APPLE SLICES FEEL NICE ON MY EYES.

WELL, IT'S THE PECTIN IN THE JUICE.

THIS "DATING THING"

TOTALLY CONFUSES ME.

IT ALWAYS STARTS OUT SO HOT AND EXCITING AND PERFECT.

AND THEN SOMETHING ALWAYS CHANGES,

AND IT TOTALLY SUCKS.

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN IN THIS LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP

WITH THIS REALLY COOL GUY.

WE MET IN SIOUX CITY.

IT'S BEEN LIKE THREE MONTHS.

THREE MONTHS IS A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP?

FOR ME.

BUT THE THING IS,

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST HIM.

DOES HE TALK TO YOU?

WELL, YEAH, SURE. ALL THE TIME.

BUT GUYS ALWAYS DO WHEN THEY WANT SOMETHING.

WITH HIM,

IT'S ALWAYS LIKE, IF I DO THIS, HE'LL DO THAT.

OH, QUID PRO QUO.

NO!

IT'S NOTHING KINKY!

IT'S LIKE WE'RE ALWAYS NEGOTIATING.

AND I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A DEAL.

I JUST WANT TO BE IN LOVE.

IS THAT SO WRONG?!

NO, NO, NO.

MAMA WAS RIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO THE CONVENT WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.

YOU WANTED TO BE A NUN?

NOT REALLY.

BUT I LIKE THAT EVERYONE WORE THE SAME THING

SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FASHION.

THERE IS THAT.

AND EVERYTHING'S PAID FOR.

THREE HOTS AND A COT.

SORT OF LIKE PRISON --

WITHOUT THE BARS.

OR THE MEN.

WHICH WAS A PROBLEM.

BOY, I COULDN'T GIVE UP MEN.

I LIKE THE WAY THAT THEY FEEL AND SMELL AND LOOK,

WITH THEIR SHIRTS OFF,

AND THEY'RE WASHING THEIR CARS ON A SATURDAY MORNING!

I THINK WE'RE GONNA GRADUATE TO RAW POTATOES FOR THE EYES.

YOU MUST THINK I'M A COMPLETE IDIOT.

WE'RE WOMEN.

MOST OF US ARE LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT GUY

SO WE CAN JUST FALL IN LOVE AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

OH, GOD!

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER GETTING ALL OF THAT OUT.

GOOD.

YOU'RE LIKE THE MOTHER I ALWAYS WANTED.

SOMEONE I COULD TALK TO...

WITHOUT ALL THE YELLING.

YOU KNOW?

YES.

YES, SWEETIE, I KNOW.

OH!

OH!

HOW'S IT SMELLING?

OH, AMAZING.

WHAT A GREAT RECIPE.

OH, WE'VE BEEN OFF RECIPE FOR A WHILE.

YOU CAN DO THAT?

SURE, WHY NOT?

WE'RE THE COOKS. WE CAN PROBABLY MAKE IT BETTER.

TELL YOU WHAT -- TASTE IT...

AND TELL ME WHAT IT NEEDS.

AND BE CREATIVE.

MMM. OKAY, IT NEEDS MORE OOMPH.

"OOMPH."

SOMETHING THAT JUST REACHES OUT AND GRABS YOUR TONGUE'S ATTENTION.

GOOD, GOOD. I LIKE IT, I LIKE IT.

PASSIONATE AND STRONG. HERE, PUT SOME GARLIC IN.

GARLIC. CHECK.

AND SOME RED PEPPER FLAKES.

RED PEPPER FLAKES. CHECK.

AND A LITTLE RED WINE.

LITTLE DOLLOP OF RED WINE.

CHECK.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD.

SO, HAVE YOU WORKED WITH MICHAEL FOR A LONG TIME?

NO, I JUST MET HIM LAST WEEK.

HIS FATHER THOUGHT WE'D MAKE A GOOD TEAM.

THAT'S WEIRD. YOU GUYS ARE SO DIFFERENT.

I MEAN, YOU'RE RELAXED,

AND HE'S SO SERIOUS ABOUT BUSINESS.

IS HE ALWAYS THAT DRIVEN?

UM...

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOT A LOT OF ROOM IN MICHAEL'S LIFE

FOR ANYONE ELSE BUT MICHAEL.

YOU KNOW. AND...

I KNOW THIS IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

SO IF I'M OUT OF LINE -- NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I APPRECIATE IT.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT, ANNIE.

SO, DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?

NO.

NO, I WAS A LOT LIKE MICHAEL WHEN I WAS YOUNG.

WASN'T TIME FOR ANYONE ELSE.

YEAH, MY DAD'S LIKE THAT.

I MEAN, HE'S COOL, BUT I NEVER REALLY GOT TO KNOW HIM.

HE'S ALWAYS TRAVELING FOR BUSINESS SOMEWHERE.

WE NEVER DID THINGS LIKE THIS.

YOU MISSED OUT ON A LOT.

THIS MAY BE THE BEST SPAGHETTI THAT I'VE EVER EATEN.

I'VE HAD SO MUCH THAT I JUST MIGHT EXPLODE OUT OF THIS DRESS!

WELL, EAT AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, PRUDENCE.

MM.

THIS SPAGHETTI IS REALLY GOOD, ANNIE.

YOU'VE NEVER MADE IT BEFORE?

NO, UH, BUT I HAD A LOT OF HELP.

IT'S JACK'S RECIPE.

OUR RECIPE.

OMELETS, SPAGHETTI --

MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL YOU JULIA INSTEAD OF JACK.

I'VE BEEN CALLED WORSE NAMES THAN THAT.

NO DOUBT.

I THINK IT'S SO HOT TO SEE A GUY COOK.

Annie: TOTALLY.

DO YOU COOK, NIGEL?

YOU LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF MAN WHO COOKS.

REAL SENSITIVE AND CUTE.

NO. NO.

EVEN TV DINNERS ARE A MYSTERY TO ME.

FOR YEARS, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD TO THAW THEM FIRST.

CUTE, SENSITIVE, AND FUNNY!

WHOO, YOU ARE THE TOTAL PACKAGE.

YOU MUST HAVE A TON OF GIRLS AFTER YOU.

YEAH.

SO HOW'D YOU LEARN TO COOK, JACK?

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN

WHO WAS POSSIBLY THE WORST COOK IN THE WORLD.

SO I HAD TO LEARN TO COOK, OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE STARVED.

CUTE THING WAS, SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD COOK.

YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS CUTE, DID YOU? YEAH.

CUTE, SWEET, AMUSING.

'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE AS TO HOW BAD SHE WAS.

Prudence: WELL, IF YOU WERE SO UNHAPPY WITH HER COOKING,

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?

BECAUSE I LOVED HER.

AND SHE WAS YOUNG AND UNSURE OF HERSELF

AND DIDN'T TAKE CRITICISM VERY WELL.

WELL, YOU MAKE THIS GIRL SOUND SO HOPELESS.

I MEAN, WHAT COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY SEEN IN HER?

SO MANY THINGS.

WELL, NAME TWO.

GO ON. TWO.

SHE WAS BRILLIANT...

CREATIVE, FUNNY, SENSITIVE, KIND,

GRACIOUS.

THAT'S MORE THAN TWO.

I COULDN'T JUST STOP AT TWO.

Angelica: ALL RIGHT!

THAT'S HOT!

OW!

SHE SOUNDS LIKE AN AMAZING WOMAN.

Angelica: TOTALLY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS?

WELL, WE WERE BOTH YOUNG, AND I WAS STUPID.

AND I ONLY WISH I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW.

THAT'S SO SAD.

Annie: YEAH, BUT SO ROMANTIC, TOO.

DON'T YOU THINK SO, MOM?

WHAT'S FOR DESSERT?

NIGEL?

Shh, not so loud. They'll hear you.

Who will hear me?

UH...THE... FLYING SQUIRRELS...

THAT I'VE BEEN TAKING PICTURES OF.

YOU'VE BEEN TAKING PICTURES OF FLYING SQUIRRELS AT NIGHT?

GLAUCOMYS SABRINUS COLORATUS IS NOCTURNAL.

AND THEY ACTUALLY DON'T FLY, THEY GLIDE,

USING SKIN THAT STRETCHES

BETWEEN THEIR FRONT AND THEIR BACK LEGS.

THEY CAN GLIDE UP TO 100 FEET.

WELL, DID YOU GET ANY GOOD PICTURES?

NOPE. NONE. NO PICTURES.

YEAH, NOT A SQUIRREL IN SIGHT.

I THINK THAT THE MOISTURE

IN THE AIR AFFECTS THEIR AERODYNAMICAL...

...STUFF.

TOWELS!

FLUFFY.

YEAH. THEY'RE FOR ANGELICA.

SHE'S ALREADY USED EVERY TOWEL WE HAVE.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO IN THERE.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE...SHE'S ASLEEP.

YEAH, BUT IT'S EARLY. SHE'S NOT SLEEPING.

YEAH, BUT SHE'S FROM SIOUX CITY, AND THEY GO TO BED REAL EARLY.

AND SHE'S A LIGHT SLEEPER.

HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S A LIGHT SLEEPER?

BECAUSE SHE ASKED ME FOR EARPLUGS,

IS HOW I KNOW.

THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF NOISE CAN WAKE HER UP,

AND THEN SHE CAN'T GET BACK TO SLEEP.

AND THEN SHE'S CRANKY IN THE MORNING,

WHICH WILL MAKE YOUR MOM CRANKY IN THE MORNING,

WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOUR JOB HARDER.

SO WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS, MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT.

ANGELICA'S A LIGHT SLEEPER, RIGHT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INCREDIBLY STUPID I AM.

YOU'RE NOT STUPID.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, NIGEL?

I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL TONIGHT.

GOD, IT IS SO OBVIOUS WHAT KIND OF GUY MICHAEL IS.

IT WAS. THAT'S WHY YOUR MOM

ASKED ME TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOU TWO.

SHE WHAT?

Annie: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YOU HAD NIGEL SPYING ON ME?

NOT "SPY" -- "WATCH." JUST "WATCH."

WITH A CAMERA?

IT IS SO WRONG.

SO YOU.

WELL, THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME, ANNIE.

EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU TRY TO CONTROL EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY,

INCLUDING ME.

I HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN FOR YEARS NOW,

LEADING MY OWN LIFE,

AND, OKAY, MAKING MY SHARE OF STUPID MISTAKES,

BUT THEY'RE MINE. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO MAKE THEM.

YOU'RE TREATING ME JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER TREATED YOU.

MY MOTHER?

DO YOU REMEMBER HOW THAT FELT?

VIVIDLY. I HATED IT.

SWORE I'D NEVER DO THE SAME THING.

BUT YOU DO, MOM.

I DO?

YOU DO!

I DO, DON'T I?

OH, GOD, HOW DEPRESSING.

OH, I'M SO SORRY, SWEETIE.

CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?

IF YOU'LL FORGIVE ME.

FOR WHAT?

FOR NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING.

Prudence: GRAVEYARD?!

I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THEM.

THAT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.

IS THEIR MUSIC ANY GOOD AT ALL?

IF YOU'RE 16, ALIENATED, AND TOTALLY NIHILISTIC.

AND DICK RICHARDS ON OUR SHOW?

NO, I KNOW. HE'S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

I SHOULD HAVE SAID NO TO EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY.

YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO PROTECT ME.

AND PROMOTE MYSELF. WELL, GOOD FOR YOU, SWEETIE.

I MEAN, IF YOU DON'T LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF, NO ONE ELSE WILL.

I'M EMBARRASSED...

AND ASHAMED.

ME TOO.

WE EVEN?

EVEN.

OH, I AM SO BLOODY MAD.

NO ONE'S GOING TO TAKE OUR SHOW AWAY FROM US.

WELL, WHAT CAN WE DO?

WE'RE GONNA MAKE OUR OWN SHOW --

WITHOUT MICHAEL, WITHOUT JACK --

JUST THE THREE OF US.

HOW? THEY'RE INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING.

EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THEIR SHOW.

WE'LL SHOOT OUR SHOW THE DAY BEFORE THE SCHEDULED SHOOT,

WITHOUT THEM.

BUT MISTER EXPECTS TO SEE SOMETHING NEW.

OH, THAT PLONKER'S NEVER EVEN SEEN

"AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

WE'LL SCREEN OUR SHOW WITH ANGELICA SOMEHOW

AND TELL HIM THAT IT'S BRAND NEW.

WE'LL START FIRST THING TOMORROW.

ANNIE, I WANT YOU TO DIRECT.

WHAT, YOU WANT ME TO DIRECT?

WELL, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE ELSE I'D RATHER HAVE DO THE JOB.

BUT I'M PRODUCING THE SHOW.

NIGEL'S YOUR CO-PRODUCER.

HE IS?

RIGHT. I MEAN, YOU TWO CAN HANDLE ANYTHING

THAT MIGHT COME UP, RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH.

ANNIE, I WANT YOU TO GET YOUR GUESTS BACK,

THE ONES THAT YOU LIKED. REALLY?

REALLY. OH, EXCEPT FOR RAFAEL ROSSILINI.

I'M GOING TO DO THE COOKING SEGMENT.

YOU'RE GONNA COOK?

ABSOLUTELY.

AND, NIGEL, I WANT THOSE ROACHES READY TO ROLL.

ACTUALLY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SCRATCH THE COCKROACH POINTER.

WHY?

BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND MOST OF THEM.

LOVELY.

WE'LL USE THE HULA HOOPS INSTEAD,

AND USE YOUR PERFUME FOR THE AIR FRESHENER POINTER.

WELL, I'LL TAKE CARE OF HAIR, MAKEUP, AND WARDROBE.

SO DO WE HAVE ALL OUR DUCKS IN A ROW?

TOTALLY. THIS IS GONNA BE VERY COOL.

TOUR POUR UN, UN POUR TOUS.

NIGEL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT'S THE MOTTO OF THE THREE MUSKETEERS.

ALL FOR ONE, ONE FOR ALL.

THE THREE MUSKETEERS -- I LOVE IT.

ALL FOR ONE!

ONE FOR ALL.

OH. JACK JAMESON DOING THE WASHING UP.

HMM!

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN.

ANNIE MADE THE DINNER.

IT'S ONLY FAIR SHE NOT DO THE DISHES.

WELL, I COOKED A LOT OF DINNERS FOR US --

THE POTENTIALLY LETHAL ONES?

YOU NEVER ONCE WASHED UP.

I WAS HOPING YOU'D RUN OUT OF POTS AND PANS.

YOU'RE STILL A CHEEKY LITTLE BUGGER, AREN'T YOU?

NOW AND THEN.

OH.

YOU MIND IF I, UH, ASK YOU A QUESTION?

OH, I'M NOT GIVING YOU ANY OF MY RECIPES.

NO, I SAW ANNIE LAST NIGHT AROUND MIDNIGHT.

SHE SEEMED TO BE UPSET.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

IT'S MICHAEL, ISN'T IT?

RIGHT.

MICHAEL GAVE ANNIE THE IMPRESSION

THAT HE WAS QUITE KEEN ON HER.

I'M SURE YOU NOTICED.

WELL, THE PROBLEM IS HE'S DATING ANGELICA,

AND HE HAS BEEN FOR MONTHS.

HE'S BEEN DATING HER FOR MONTHS?

YOU'RE SURPRISED?

NO, NOT REALLY.

MOST GIRLS ARE YOUNG, NAIVE, VULNERABLE.

I MEAN, HE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT, OF THEM.

OBVIOUSLY.

WELL, MAYBE THAT'S THE WAY BUSINESS IS DONE IN YOUR WORLD. NO.

NO, IT'S NOT.

HE WON'T BOTHER ANNIE AGAIN. I PROMISE YOU.

NO, DON'T GET INVOLVED, JACK.

ANNIE AND I CAN HANDLE THIS OBNOXIOUS GIT.

WHAT MICHAEL'S DOING IS UNPROFESSIONAL,

AND IT'S PREDATORY.

AND HE'S NOT GONNA GET AWAY WITH IT

WHILE HE'S WORKING FOR ME.

HE'S THE BOSS' SON. REMEMBER?

HE DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU.

I'LL GET HIS ATTENTION.

HE'S A POWERFUL MAN, JACK.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A HERO.

IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING A HERO, PRU.

IT'S ABOUT DOING THE RIGHT THING.

WELL, THAT'S HARD TO DO SOMETIMES.

I KNOW.

I DID A LOT OF WRONG THINGS IN MY LIFE

FOR THE WRONG REASONS.

AND NOW IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE.

WELL, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.

I'D, UH, LIKE TO THINK THAT WE CAN

DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY ONCE WE REALIZE THEY ARE MISTAKES.

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT, TOO.

THANK YOU FOR CARING ABOUT ANNIE, JAMIE.

NO ONE'S CALLED ME JAMIE FOR A LONG TIME.

I SHOULD BLOODY WELL HOPE NOT.

IT'S MY NAME FOR YOU.

I OWN IT.

YEAH, YOU DO.

YOU SURE DO.

LOCK...STOCK...

...AND BARREL.

THAT...

...WAS ANOTHER BAD IDEA?

NO, NO, THAT WAS A WONDERFUL IDEA.

POSSIBLY THE BEST ONE YOU HAD IN...

25 YEARS.

Annie: I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE CONFUSING,

BUT MY MOTHER DECIDED

SHE COULDN'T DO THE SEASON PREMIERE WITHOUT YOU.

YOU COULD MAKE THAT WORK?

OH, THAT'S FANTASTIC. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'LL PHONE YOU LATER WITH THE DETAILS.

GET DOWN!

OH, MY GOD, NIGEL.

YOU RISKED YOUR LIFE TO PROTECT ME.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

IT'S TOTALLY A BIG DEAL.

YOU'RE SO HEROIC.

IT WAS MY FAULT.

AND YOU CAN ADMIT WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE.

I THOUGHT THE PERFUME WAS THE PROBLEM,

BUT YOU CAN'T SPRAY LIQUID ON A HOT BULB.

YOU HAVE TO START WITH A COLD BULB.

YOU'RE AN AMAZING MAN, AREN'T YOU?

I THINK THE COAST IS CLEAR. WE CAN GET UP NOW.

DO WE HAVE TO?

NO. NO, WE DON'T HAVE TO.

GOOD.

OH, DEAR. I WOKE YOU.

OOH, THAT'S OKAY.

I SHOULD BE GETTING UP ANYWAY.

IS MICHAEL HERE? MICHAEL?

WHY WOULD HE BE HERE?

I THINK WE SHOULD TALK.

DO YOU LIKE EARL GREY?

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT THAT CREEP MICHAEL WAS HITTING ON ANNIE!

I SWEAR ON A STACK OF BIBLES!

IF I HAD KNOWN,

I WOULD'VE PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE

AND DUMPED HIS BUTT SO FAST

HE WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN WHAT HIT HIM.

THERE WAS A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE OF ME THAT KEPT SAYING,

"BE CAREFUL, ANGIE ADAMS. THAT MAN IS A WORLD OF HURT."

BUT DID I LISTEN TO IT?

NO.

I DID NOT.

I AM SO DENSE.

CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN. BREATHE IN, OUT.

DEEP BREATHS.

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT SIOUX CITY.

MAMA WARNED ME ABOUT BIG-CITY PEOPLE

AND SHOW BUSINESS... AND BAD MEN.

WELL, SHE OUGHT TO KNOW. SHE'S HAD PLENTY OF 'EM.

OH, HEAVENS TO BETSY, PRUDENCE. MEN ARE SO WEIRD!

A LOT OF THEM ARE.

LIKE THEY ONLY THINK ABOUT ONE THING,

AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS TOTALLY IRREVERENT.

"IRRELEVANT."

THAT TOO!

OH, I'VE GOT TO FIND ANNIE.

I'VE GOT TO TALK TO HER AND APOLOGIZE

FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

NO, THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU, ANGIE,

BUT YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

I FEEL SO BAD.

HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO HER...

AND TO YOU?

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THAT I CAN DO.

WELL, ACTUALLY, THERE IS SOMETHING.

HMM.

YOU'RE WAY OUT OF LINE HERE.

AND YOU'RE OVER THE LINE, AND IT'S GONNA STOP.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO, JACK?

I THINK I'M TALKING TO A SELFISH, ARROGANT PUNK

WHO THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH WHATEVER HE WANTS,

AND YOU CAN'T.

WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY THE SELF-APPOINTED PROTECTOR

OF MAIDENS IN DISTRESS?

OH, IS IT MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH HER MOTHER, RIGHT?

TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ANNIE AND LYING TO ANGELICA

IS CHEAP, IT'S SLEAZY, AND IT'S WRONG.

WELL, I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY LIFE.

IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. NO?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

FOR STARTERS... MM-HMM?

OHH!

YOU BOTHER EITHER ONE OF THOSE WOMEN AGAIN,

AND I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA KICK YOUR MISERABLE BUTT.

THEN I'M GONNA CALL YOUR DADDY,

AND I'M GONNA TELL HIM WHAT YOU'RE UP TO? CAPICE?

YEAH, AND YOU THINK HE'S GONNA BELIEVE YOU

AFTER I FIRE YOU FOR HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH PRUDENCE?!

AND FYI, JACK,

YOU ARE FIRED AS OF RIGHT NOW!

SO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Prudence: WE'RE GOING WITH THE AIR FRESHENER POINTER?

Nigel: ABSOLUTELY.

SO THE FRENCH PERFUME SOLVED THE PROBLEM?

THE PERFUME WASN'T THE PROBLEM.

SPRAYING A HOT BULB WAS.

WHICH NIGEL DISCOVERED WHILE HE WAS TRYING TO FIND A SOLUTION.

WE NEED TO START WITH A COLD BULB.

THERE WAS THIS HUGE EXPLOSION.

IT WASN'T THAT BIG.

AND THEN NIGEL THREW HIMSELF IN FRONT OF ME

TO PROTECT ME WHEN THEY BLEW UP.

OH, HE DID? HOW SWEET.

HE WASN'T NEARLY SO GALLANT

WHEN THE LIGHT BULBS WERE EXPLODING AROUND ME.

WHY IS THAT, NIGEL?

Jack: SORRY TO BARGE IN.

I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO ANNIE FOR A MOMENT.

YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME?

YEAH. MAYBE, UH, OUTSIDE, PLEASE?

IT'S OKAY. WE'RE ALL FAMILY HERE.

OKAY. FAIR ENOUGH. UM...

I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR MICHAEL.

HE'S YOUNG AND STUPID

AND A...A GUY, WHICH IS A PRETTY LETHAL COMBINATION,

BUT HE'S NOT GONNA BE BOTHERING YOU ANYMORE.

WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?

WE HAD A LITTLE CHAT.

AND HE LISTENED?

YEAH, I THINK I MADE AN IMPRESSION.

WOW, THAT'S VERY COOL.

BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS, ANYTHING AT ALL,

JUST CALL ME ON MY CELL.

ON YOUR CELL?

WON'T YOU BE AROUND?

NO, I JUST GOT FIRED FIVE MINUTES AGO.

BUT, YOU KNOW, WHAT THE HELL?

I'VE GOT A NOVEL I'VE BEEN WANTING TO FINISH FOR YEARS.

Annie: YOU LOST YOUR JOB BECAUSE OF ME?

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

FRANKLY, I AM THRILLED THAT YOU GOT SACKED.

MOTHER!

THANKS. I'M TOUCHED.

OH, AND IF YOU CAN PUT OFF WORKING ON THAT NOVEL,

I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU.

YOU'VE GOT A JOB FOR ME.

MM.

IT'LL BE CHALLENGING, CREATIVE,

HAVE AN EXCELLENT FUTURE,

AND YOU'LL BE WORKING WITH THREE TOP-RATE PEOPLE.

OKAY. I'LL BITE. WHAT'S THE GIG?

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THE SEASON PREMIERE

OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

I JUST GOT FIRED FROM THAT JOB.

NO, YOU JUST GOT FIRED FROM THE MERCHANT PRODUCTION.

WE'RE MAKING OUR OWN VERSION TOMORROW.

YOUR OWN VERSION.

GOING TO DO IT THE WAY IT SHOULD BE DONE.

NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE MY SHOW AWAY FROM ME.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET AWAY WITH THAT

WITHOUT MICHAEL KNOWING?

OH. WE'RE GOING TO DISTRACT HIM.

WITH WHAT?

Angelica: ME.

CREW ARRIVES AT 7:00.

GUESTS ARE FINISHED WITH WARDROBE AND MAKEUP BY 11:00.

WE'LL REHEARSE UNTIL LUNCH.

I'LL START TAPING AT 2:00.

NIGEL, YOU'LL HANDLE ALL THE PruPointers WITH MOM.

WE'RE DONE BY 3:15.

MISTER ARRIVES AT 4:30 TO SEE THE ROUGH CUT.

SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.

AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO EDIT THE SHOW WHILE I'M SHOOTING?

ABSOLUTELY, YEAH. DON'T WORRY.

MISTER BOUGHT A COMMERCIAL COMPANY LAST YEAR,

AND I HAD TO LEARN EVERYTHING ABOUT THE BUSINESS,

INCLUDING THE EDITING.

SO, EVERYTHING I NEED IS IN THE VAN.

I'LL ASSEMBLE THE FOOTAGE AS IT STARTS TO COME IN,

AND THEN, UM, I'LL JUST ADD THE VISUALS

AND THE MUSIC AND THE EFFECTS WHEN I'M DONE, OKAY?

I'M IMPRESSED.

SO AM I. YOU ARE TOTALLY ORGANIZED.

I'M PRETTY COMPULSIVE. I GET IT FROM MY MOTHER.

IT ALL WORKS. GOOD LUCK.

GOOD LUCK, NICK. IT'S NIGEL.

I KNOW. KIDDING.

WHAT A COOL GUY.

VERY.

AND HE TOTALLY LIKES MOM, TOO.

YOU THINK SO?

OH, MY GOD, NIGEL.

HAVEN'T YOU SEEN WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN THEM?

YOU MEAN THE FIGHTING AND THE SNIDE COMMENTS?

THAT'S JUST PART OF THE DANCE.

THAT AND THE EYE CONTACT, THE FLIRTATIONS,

THE DOUBLE ENTENDRES.

DOUBLE ENTENDRES?

YEAH, ALL THE SWEET THINGS HE WAS SAYING

ABOUT THE OTHER WOMAN AT DINNER,

HE WAS SAYING ABOUT MY MOTHER.

HE WAS?

AND SHE TOTALLY GOT IT, TOO.

THAT'S WHY SHE'S GONNA DO THE COOKING SEGMENT.

I'M LOST.

SO SHE CAN SHOW HIM THAT SHE'S EVEN COOLER

THAN THE OTHER WOMAN?

WOW. THAT'S VERY...COMPLICATED.

NIGEL, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN HOW MEN AND WOMEN COMMUNICATE.

I GUESS I JUST WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THEM.

OF COURSE NOT.

YOU WERE TOO BUSY SPYING ON ME AND MICHAEL.

I WASN'T SPYING. I WAS WATCHING.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN HARD FOR YOU.

HARD FOR ME? WHY?

BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON ME.

I'VE SEEN THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME, NIGEL.

YOU DO?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S A TOTAL TURN-ON.

IT IS?

TO HAVE A SWEET GUY LIKE YOU ATTRACTED TO ME IS AWESOME.

IT IS?

MAYBE WHEN THE SHOW'S OVER, YOU AND I COULD...

YOU KNOW, HANG OUT.

WE SHOULD?

BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME ONE THING.

I DO?

THAT YOU'LL STOP TALKING IN TWO-WORD QUESTIONS.

"I SHOULD?" "IT IS?" "WE WILL?"

I WILL.

I MEAN,

I ABSOLUTELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT,

WILL STOP TALKING

IN TWO-WORD QUESTIONS...

PERIOD, WITHOUT A QUESTION MARK.

LET'S FINISH LIGHTING THE DINING ROOM

AND GET STARTED ON THE KITCHEN.

I'M GONNA GO DO A SOUND AND VIDEO CHECK IN THE VAN.

BY THE TIME YOUR CREW'S SET UP,

I SHOULD BE READY TO ROCK 'N' ROLL.

SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ONE?

TOO MUCH? TOO LITTLE?

I LIKE IT BETTER THAN THE LEATHER-SKIN TANK TOP.

MM. THAT'S MY SISTER'S.

SHE'S AN EROTIC DANCER. SHE MADE ME PACK IT.

IT'S NOT YOU.

OH, NO WAY. I'M A VEGETARIAN.

GOOD POINT.

OH, I THINK THIS DRESS WILL DEFINITELY GET MICHAEL'S ATTENTION.

BESIDES, I DON'T NEED A SEXY DRESS TO GET A MAN'S ATTENTION.

I'M NOT BRAGGING OR ANYTHING,

BUT I KNOW WHAT WORKS.

THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO YOU THAN MEETS THE EYE, ISN'T THERE?

A LITTLE.

BUT MOST OF THE TIME, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.

WELL, I...

I HAVE CHEESE, FRUIT,

WATER, AND TWO BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE.

OOH, TWO BOTTLES OF BUBBLY.

JUST IN CASE YOU NEED IT.

CHECK.

AND KEEP THIS ON AND NEARBY.

ANNIE WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN SHE'S COMING DOWN.

I LOVE THIS!

IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN A JAMES BOND MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

THE THREE MUSKETEERS.

NO, NO. MAKE THAT THE FOUR MUSKETEERS.

ME, ANNIE, NIGEL, AND YOU.

ME?

YOU.

THIS IS SO COOL!

I USED TO WATCH RERUNS OF THAT SHOW ALL THE TIME.

WHAT SHOW?

"THE MOUSEKETEERS."

ANNETTE WAS MY FAVORITE.

Jack: HEY, PRU!

PRU.

ANNIE'S ALMOST DONE WITH THE CAMERA BLOCKING.

YOU WANT TO CHECK IT OUT? NO.

SHE'S THE DIRECTOR AND THE PRODUCER.

IF SHE'S HAPPY, I'M HAPPY.

SHE'S DOING AN INCREDIBLE JOB.

A VERY DETAILED SHOT LIST.

OH, WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED.

SHE SAID SHE'S COMPULSIVE JUST LIKE YOU.

SHE CALLED ME COMPULSIVE?

IN A NICE WAY.

OH, WELL, THEN...

IT'S MICHAEL. HE CAN'T SEE YOU HERE.

Oh, that was close.

Very.

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO INSIDE SO HE DOESN'T SEE US.

UNH-UNH.

NOT TILL WE'RE SURE THE COAST IS CLEAR.

WHEN WILL WE BE SURE?

IT'S HARD TO SAY.

LOOK AT YOU.

YOU ARE LATE.

I GOT STUCK TALKING WITH PRUDENCE.

GOD, WHAT A MOTOR MOUTH.

I KNOW.

SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH."

BUT SHE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING.

UNLIKE YOU.

EVERYTHING YOU SAY MEANS SOMETHING.

YOU'RE A NAUGHTY BOY.

I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

YOU'RE BRILLIANT.

SHALL WE?

ABSOLUTELY.

LET ME TAKE THAT FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THE RAT HAS TAKEN THE CHEESE.

THE RAT HAS TAKEN THE CHEESE.

The rat? The cheese?

What are you talking about, Nigel?

MICHAEL AND ANGELICA ARE LEAVING THE GUEST HOUSE.

Check. Keep me posted.

In English.

COPY THAT. 10-4.

WE'RE ROLLING!

"AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE," SCENE ONE, TAKE ONE,

MARKER.

AND...ACTION!

HELLO. I'M PRUDENCE McINTYRE,

AND I AM THRILLED TO WELCOME YOU TO THE SEASON PREM--

NO, NO, CUT! CUT!

WHAT'S WRONG? WELL, LET'S SEE.

YOU OPENED UP THE DOOR A BEAT TOO EARLY,

YOU MISSED YOUR MARK,

AND THE LINE IS, "I AM PRUDENCE McINTYRE,

AND I AM DELIGHTED TO WELCOME YOU TO OUR HOME."

"THRILLED," "DELIGHTED" -- I MEAN, IT SAYS THE SAME THING.

CAN WE JUST STICK TO THE SCRIPT, PLEASE?

RIGHT YOU ARE.

GOOD.

LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.

Jack: ROLLING!

"AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE," SCENE ONE, TAKE TWO,

MARKER.

AND...ACTION!

HELLO.

I'M PRUDENCE McINTYRE,

AND I AM DELIGHTED TO WELCOME YOU

TO THE SEASON PREMIERE OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

WHERE ARE WE GOING ON THIS DAMN PICNIC -- ALASKA?

SOMEPLACE COZY AND PRIVATE.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE BUT YOU FOR HOURS.

WELL, HOW ABOUT A SNEAK PREVIEW?

OH, I WOULD,

BUT ONCE I GET STARTED I WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP.

AND HERE'S A SIMPLE WAY TO CREATE AN AIR FRESHENER

ANYWHERE IN YOUR HOUSE THAT HAS A LIGHT BULB.

START WITH A COLD BULB,

NOT A HOT ONE.

SPRAY YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME ON THE COLD BULB...

THEN TURN IT ON.

THE HEAT FROM THE BULB

WILL SLOWLY VAPORIZE THE PERFUME

AND...VOILà!

A SUBTLE AND DELIGHTFUL SCENT FILLS THE AIR.

AND...CUT!

Michael: AH, "CITIZEN KANE" WAS INTERESTING,

BUT COME ON -- IT WAS AN HOUR TOO LONG,

THE PLOT HAD HOLES BIG ENOUGH TO PUSH WELLES THROUGH,

AND THE ROSEBUD THING WAS SO PATHETIC.

I MEAN, A SNOW SLED. DO I CARE?

MM.

YOU'RE SO SMART.

HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH?

I GOT A MIND LIKE A STEEL TRAP.

I NEVER FORGET A THING.

COME HERE. OOH.

GIVE ME A LITTLE KISS. NOT SO FAST, LOVER BOY.

WE'VE GOT THE WHOLE AFTERNOON.

HERE, HAVE ANOTHER. OH.

AND HERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO WITH THOSE HULA HOOPS

YOU'VE GOT STUCK IN THE BACK OF THE GARAGE --

TURN THEM INTO WATER HEATERS FOR YOUR POOL.

THE BLACK PLASTIC WILL CAPTURE AND TRANSMIT

MOST OF THE SUN'S INCOMING RADIATION INTO THE WATER.

"AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE," SCENE FOUR, TAKE TWO,

MARKER.

ACTION.

NOW, GENERATIONS OF COOKS

HAVE MADE THEIR OWN PERSONAL CONTRIBUTIONS

TO OUR FAMILY STEW.

UM, A PINCH OF THIS,

A DASH OF THAT...

A DOLLOP OF WINE...

OR TWO.

MMM.

...BEAUTIFUL FRESH FLOWERS IN THEIR HOME,

BUT THEY CAN BE VERY EXPENSIVE.

VERY, AND THEY EVENTUALLY DIE.

WHICH IS WHY I LOVE PERMANENT BOTANICALS.

BECAUSE THEY'RE A BEAUTIFUL AND AFFORDABLE ALTERNATIVE.

ABSOLUTELY, AND WITH THE AMAZING

NEW MATERIALS NOW, THEY ARE SO REALISTIC.

REALLY!

THAT'S AMAZING.

OHH, SWEETHEART. MM.

YOU'RE GONNA GET BURNED.

I BEST SLATHER SOME SUNSCREEN ON YOU.

SLATHER AWAY, ANGE.

THANKS FOR JOINING ME AND MY GUESTS,

MATT WOOD AND DR. NANCY KNOWLAND,

FOR THE SEASON PREMIERE OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

AND A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO ANNIE McINTYRE,

NIGEL FORSYTHE, AND JACK JAMESON,

FOR MAKING THIS SUCH A TERRIFIC SHOW.

I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT THEM.

BYE, NOW.

AND CUT!

AND THAT'S A WRAP.

JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR DOING SUCH A GREAT JOB.

I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

I HOPE I DIDN'T MAKE TOO MUCH OF A FOOL OF MYSELF.

YOU WERE FIRST-RATE, SWEETIE.

YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I'M YOUR DAUGHTER?

I'M SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE A SPANKING GOOD DIRECTOR

AND PRODUCER...

AND BECAUSE YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER

AND I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

THAT MUST BE MISTER.

WAIT, HE'S WAY TOO EARLY.

I'LL CHAT UP THE OLD DAFTIE.

YOU GO CHECK AND SEE HOW JACK'S DOING WITH THE EDIT.

OKAY.

DAMN TRAFFIC!

IT'S WORSE THAN IT IS ON THE JERSEY TURNPIKE.

PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEY'RE BRAIN-DEAD OUT THERE.

I MEAN, WHAT IS THE POINT OF A CAR?

ROAD IS LIKE A PARKING LOT.

I COULD HAVE WALKED HERE FASTER.

WELL, IT'S A PITY YOU DIDN'T.

WE'D HAVE HAD MORE TIME TO LISTEN TO YOU GOB OFF

AND BORE US ALL TO TEARS.

AND WHO ARE YOU, EXACTLY?

PRUDENCE McINTYRE, EXACTLY. AND YOU?

MISTER.

MISTER WHO?

JUST "MISTER."

I OWN YOU.

OH, THE LAST MAN THAT SAID THAT TO ME

DISOWNED TWO OF HIS TEETH.

HMM...

A WOMAN WITH BACKBONE.

I LIKE THAT.

I FIND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LIKE ABOUT YOU.

MICHAEL DIDN'T TELL ME YOU HAD SUCH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR.

WELL, HE HASN'T BEEN AROUND ENOUGH TO NOTICE.

HMM, TOO BUSY BEING EXECUTIVE PRODUCER?

TOO BUSY BEING MICHAEL.

THE LAD HAS THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A SAND FLEA IN HEAT.

CAN'T A RICH OLD CLOT LIKE YOU

DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR DANDRUFF?

I'VE HAD THAT PROBLEM MY WHOLE LIFE. OH.

NICKNAME WAS "FROSTY" WHEN I WAS A CHILD,

LIKE IN "SNOWMAN."

I SPENT A FORTUNE TRYING TO FIND A CURE.

NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK.

HMM. SCALP'S DRY. pH BALANCE IS OFF.

I KNOW THAT, DAMN IT.

I SPENT MILLIONS ON THE BEST DERMATOLOGISTS IN THE WORLD

TO TELL ME THE VERY SAME THING YOU JUST TOLD ME.

WHAT THEY CAN'T TELL ME IS,

HOW TO FIX IT.

I CAN.

YOU CAN. HOW?

RINSE YOUR HAIR WITH APPLE VINEGAR

BEFORE AND AFTER YOU SHAMPOO.

APPLE VINEGAR.

90 CENTS A BOTTLE.

THINK YOU CAN AFFORD THAT?

YES. I THINK SO.

I OWN A SUPERMARKET CHAIN.

PERHAPS EVEN TWO.

I DON'T KNOW. I LOSE TRACK.

TO TELL YOU THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH,

ALL THIS BUSINESS CRAP, IT BORES ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU NEED TO HAVE SOME FUN.

WHAT KIND OF FUN ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

NOT THE KIND YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT, YOU RANDY OLD GOAT.

NO, YOU NEED TO SEE MY NEW SHOW.

MM.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT...

or I'm a dead woman.

COME.

SPRAY YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME ON THE COLD BULB...

THEN TURN IT ON.

THE HEAT FROM THE BULB WILL SLOWLY VAPORIZE THE PERFUME

AND VOILà!

NOW, CUT A LARGE CIRCLE

FROM A BLACK PLASTIC GARBAGE BAG,

ATTACH IT TO THE HOOP,

AND TOSS IT IN THE POOL.

THE BLACK PLASTIC

WILL CAPTURE MOST OF THE SUN'S INCOMING RADIATION...

NOW, GENERATIONS OF COOKS

HAVE MADE THEIR OWN PERSONAL CONTRIBUTIONS

TO OUR FAMILY STEW --

A PINCH OF THIS,

A DASH OF THAT,

A DOLLOP OF WINE...

OR TWO.

OH, AND THERE'S SOMETHING

I REALLY WANT OUR VIEWERS TO KNOW ABOUT.

IF THEY GET DUSTY OR DIRTY, HOW DO YOU KEEP THEM CLEAN?

AS EASY AS THIS.

REALLY? WOW.

THANKS FOR JOINING ME AND MY GUESTS,

MATT WOOD AND DR. NANCY KNOWLAND,

FOR THE SEASON PREMIERE OF "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE."

BYE, NOW.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

IT'S NEW, IT'S FRESH, IT'S DIFFERENT,

AND IT'S SEXY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WEATHER GIRL?

Prudence: ANGELICA?

POOR DOVE.

SHE HAD SUCH STAGE FRIGHT, SHE WENT COMPLETELY MUTE.

WE HAD TO CUT AROUND HER, BUT I CAN SHOW YOU THE FOOTAGE.

Mister: NO, NO, NO. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE THE DAMN SHOW.

IT'S CALLED "AT HOME WITH PRUDENCE," ISN'T IT?

RIGHT. YES. BUT IT WAS A TOTAL TEAM EFFORT.

NIGEL, ANNIE, AND I -- WE'RE LIKE FAMILY,

BUT JACK FIT RIGHT IN.

AND HE'S BRILLIANT AT WHAT HE DOES,

AND HE MADE IT ALL LOOK SO EFFORTLESS.

YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST HE DOES SOMETHING,

UNLIKE THE SAND FLEA IN HEAT.

THE SAND FLEA?

IN HEAT?

MICHAEL.

WELL, YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST A BOY MUCKING ABOUT,

TRYING TO FIND HIS WAY.

HE WILL, ONE HOPES.

BUT, UH, FOR RIGHT NOW,

HE'S A BIT OF A FISH OUT OF WATER, ISN'T HE?

HE'S A FISH UP THE CREEK,

WITHOUT A PADDLE.

MM.

NO MORE BUSINESS.

LET'S HAVE SOME CHAMPAGNE

AND CELEBRATE.

THAT'S THE BEST NEWS I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.

THE SUN, FRESH AIR --

IT'LL BE PERFECT FOR YOUR DANDRUFF.

YOU KNOW A LOT, DON'T YOU?

I DO.

THAT'S WHY YOU PAY ME SO MUCH MONEY.

YOU KNOW, IF I WAS YOUNGER, I'D...

OH, YOU STILL WOULDN'T STAND A CHANCE.

ANGELICA.

ANGELICA.

Angelica.

I'M HERE. I'm here.

HOW'S THE WEATHER OVER THERE?

HE'S OUT LIKE A LIGHT.

Stand by for action.

I'M SITTING. IS THAT OKAY?

SITTING IS FINE.

Mister: THERE'S A CERTAIN KIND OF WISDOM

THAT COMES FROM REAL LIFE.

NOT THE SORT OF THING YOU CAN TEACH PEOPLE IN SCHOOL.

WELL, TAKE MICHAEL, FOR EXAMPLE.

I MUST HAVE SPENT 100 GRAND

ON SENDING HIM THROUGH BUSINESS SCHOOL.

AND HE DOESN'T HAVE A DAMN CLUE AS TO WHAT HE'S DOING.

UH, HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING,

AND IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BUSINESS.

WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH?

MONKEY BUSINESS.

Angie, they're almost there.

Get set. In 3, 2, 1...

action!

WAKE UP, STUPID, AND KISS ME!

WHAT...

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Angelica: MISTER MERCHANT!

I MEAN, "MISTER."

HOW SCINTILLATING TO SEE YOU.

GO AWAY.

I'M IN A MEETING.

BOY. WELL...

CONGRATULATIONS, PRUDENCE.

I'M SURE YOUR SHOW'S GOING TO BE A HUGE SUCCESS.

JUST LIKE IT HAS BEEN FOR YEARS.

I ASSUME YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP THE WHOLE TEAM TOGETHER,

INCLUDING JACK.

OH, I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING.

WHAT ABOUT THE SAND FLEA?

OH. HE IS GONNA WAKE UP IN MAINE.

WHAT'S IN MAINE?

NOTHING THAT INTERESTS HIM.

I OWN A TV STATION UP THERE,

SO I THINK A COUPLE YEARS IN THE BOONIES

WILL DO HIM SOME GOOD.

AND ANGELICA?

SIOUX CITY.

PRUDENCE...

IF YOU'RE EVER IN NEW YORK,

I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO SHOW YOU THE TOWN.

I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT,

BUT THAT'S A VERY SWEET OFFER, MISTER.

OKAY. NO NEW YORK.

BUT WILL YOU DO ME ONE FAVOR?

PROBABLY NOT, BUT YOU MIGHT AS WELL ASK.

I HATE BEING CALLED MISTER...

BY THE HANDFUL OF PEOPLE I ACTUALLY LIKE.

CALL ME MORTY.

MORTY.

I THINK THIS COULD BE THE START

OF A VERY SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP.

TAKE CARE OF THAT HAIR.

APPLE VINEGAR.

MM-HMM.

YOU'RE PACKING?

MISTER'S SENDING ME BACK TO SIOUX CITY.

TO DO THE WEATHER?

NO.

I DIDN'T REALLY LIKE BEING ON CAMERA ANYWAY.

I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I HAD TO BE SOMEONE...

DIFFERENT.

OH-HOO.

YOU KNOW?

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

I USED TO WORK AT THE DAIRY QUEEN.

SO MAYBE I COULD...

GHASTLY IDEA.

YOU'RE SMART, CREATIVE --

YOU'D GO BONKERS MAKING CHOCOLATE FUDGE SUNDAES

AND BANANA SPLITS.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME I WORKED THERE.

I ALMOST GOT ARRESTED.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

ANNIE'S PRODUCING AND DIRECTING MY SHOW.

SHE'S GONNA NEED AN ASSISTANT.

AND WE BOTH THINK YOU'D BE PERFECT.

ME? WORKING ON YOUR SHOW?

ME?

I MEAN, IT'D BE HARD WORK, 24/7.

AND NOT GLAMOROUS.

BUT DECENT PAY, THREE HOTS AND A GUEST QUARTERS.

ARE YOU INTERESTED?

OH, MY GOSH!

I TAKE IT THAT'S A YES.

YES!

I'M PROUD OF US, JAMIE.

OH, YEAH, WHY?

'CAUSE WE MANAGED TO GET THROUGH ALL THIS

WITHOUT RIPPING EACH OTHER'S EYES OUT.

WELL, MAYBE SOME THINGS HAVE CHANGED, HUH?

ONE CAN ONLY HOPE.

I WALKED OUT ON YOU 25 YEARS AGO, PRUDENCE...

AND I NEVER SAID I WAS SORRY

FOR NOT BEING THE MAN THAT YOU NEEDED...

OR DESERVED.

I AM SO SORRY THAT I WASN'T THAT MAN.

AND I HAVE BEEN EVERY DAY SINCE I LEFT.

I AM TOO.

I CAN BE THAT MAN, PRUDENCE.

I'D LIKE A CHANCE TO SHOW YOU WHO I AM NOW.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM, TOO.

EVERYTHING'S ON THE TABLE?

NO SECRETS.

YOU'RE LUCKY, PRU. ANNIE'S AN AMAZING WOMAN.

SHE CERTAINLY IS.

SHE'S SO MUCH LIKE HER MOTHER.

WELL, THAT'S SWEET, BUT I CAN'T TAKE ALL THE CREDIT.

SHE'S A LOT LIKE HER FATHER, TOO.

OH, YEAH? IS HE A GOOD GUY?

WELL, HE HAS HIS FAULTS -- WE ALL DO --

BUT HE'S A FINE MAN.

YEAH, SHE MENTIONED HIM, BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY MUCH.

UH, WHAT'S HE DO FOR A LIVING?

HE WAS A WRITER, BUT HE GOT OFF TRACK YEARS AGO.

YEAH, I KNOW THAT FEELING.

HE'S BEEN A SOAP SALESMAN FOR SOME TIME NOW.

I'M JUST HOPING THAT HE'LL FINISH

THAT NOVEL HE STARTED 25 YEARS AGO.

ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE SAYING?

THANK GOD.

FOR ONE SECOND, I THOUGHT YOU'D GOTTEN TOO DENSE TO UNDERSTAND.

WOW.

WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

BELIEVE IT. IT'S TRUE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME?

A WEEK AFTER YOU LEFT ME, I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT.

TRACKING YOU DOWN AND SAYING "SURPRISE"

DIDN'T SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA.

I WISH YOU HAD.

WELL, LOOKING BACK, I WISH I HAD, TOO, BUT...

YOU'D STOLEN MY HEART,

AND I WASN'T ABOUT TO LET YOU HAVE ANY PART OF MY BABY.

I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY, JACK.

WHAT I DID WAS MEAN AND SELFISH.

NO. I DESERVED IT.

I RAN OUT ON YOU,

AND I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE RUN EVEN FASTER

IF I KNEW YOU WERE PREGNANT.

MOTHER WENT BALLISTIC WHEN SHE FOUND OUT.

CONVINCED ME I HAD TO HAVE A HUSBAND.

DID HE KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT?

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

I'VE KNOWN HOWARD SINCE I WAS 6 YEARS OLD.

MOTHER ADORED HIM, AND HE LOVED ME.

DID YOU LOVE HIM?

OF COURSE NOT.

I LOVED YOU.

AND YOU NEVER TOLD ANNIE?

I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL HER

ABOUT A FATHER SHE MIGHT NEVER SEE

OR WHO MIGHT NEVER WANT TO SEE HER.

AND WE ALL WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER OFF

IF YOU AND ANNIE HAD KNOWN ABOUT EACH OTHER.

SO WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NOW?

BECAUSE YOU'RE READY TO BE A FATHER NOW, JAMIE.

AND ANNIE REALLY NEEDS A FATHER IN HER LIFE RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

YOU'RE A WRITER. YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

ANNIE!

SWEETIE, COME HERE.

THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU.

SOMETHING...

WE NEED TO TELL YOU.