Original subtitles

[camera snaps]

Watch where you're walking. This is a crime scene.

Stop touching that. Jesus. It could be evidence.

All right, everyone, listen up. My name is Special Agent John Fisher.

I'll be taking over this investigation. Somebody call dispatch.

Tell them to set up roadblocks in a five-mile radius.

- Now. Let's go. - Sorry, pal, this is my jurisdiction.

You're relieved of your duty. Go find a new hobby.

Hey, kid, I'm in charge here.

You got an issue, fill out a comment card.

You wanna bitch about it? Call your wife.

Feeling lonely? Go fuck yourself.

- You can't talk to me like that. - Yeah, actually, I can.

Quit tainting my crime scene with your incompetence

and let me do my fucking job.

Walk.

- You got a time of death? - Approximately 8:15.

I spotted three cameras on my walk up the drive.

I bet dollars to donuts that there's more inside this house.

Who's got the footage?

I said who's got the footage?

Me. Me. Hi, Officer Torres.

Um, looks like it's all been recorded in the study.

Show me.

KEVIN: I'm telling you, I didn't do nothing.

Then why were you running and screaming?

What're you talking about? Wasn't nobody running and screaming.

Why did you just throw your phone away?

Because of satellites.

I don't want them to triangulate my signal and get me.

Wait, what?

Look, what I'm about to tell you is gonna sound crazy,

and you need to ignore the crazy.

- Listen to the sound. - Kevin, just get on with it.

Separate it. I went over to Jackson Pepper's house, right?

Wait, wait, wait. That was Jackson Pepper's house?

Yes, it was Jackson Pepper's house.

Okay, so Jackson had me come to his own house

and pick up a fugitive on the run, and then you came out... Kevin...

Kevin, what did you do?

- Nothing. - Kevin.

- I didn't do nothing. - Kevin Darnell Hart.

I'll tell you what I definitely didn't do. I didn't murder Jackson Pepper.

That wasn't me. So you can cancel that from your thought case.

- Shit! - Is-- okay, is--

Is Jackson Pepper dead?

- He's dead, Jordan. - What do you mean he's dead?

Okay, I go over his house.

I want to tell him I'm a big fan. I love his movies, right?

He bring out this hot ass lasagna, like, some fucking boiling hot lasagna.

I don't know what kind of microwave he got,

but this shit was way too hot, so we sit there,

waiting for it to cool down, but then he's, like, strangling me,

- on some kinky shit-- - Kevin, this is not funny.

I'm not playing, okay?

He told me to strangle him, but that's not how he died.

I want to make that very clear. He died from the Venetian Fauchard.

Who's the Venetian Fauchard?

Are you... fuck!

- Are you listening to me? - I'm listening.

Well, then you would know that that's not a person!

The Venetian Fauchard is like a fucking harpoon!

- How would I know that? - And the motherfucker fell on it!

Shit came out his guts.

Oh, my God. I saw his intestines and shit.

- I got nauseous, I start farting! - Oh, my God.

My gas, his gas, the whole room starts stinking!

I said I gotta get the fuck outta here.

Then you pull up, right? You pull up...

Why the fuck were you there?

Huh? Why were you there?

And whose car is this?

I-- I was-- I mean,

I have been, for two years nearly,

researching a role for Jackson's next film, okay?

[sighing]

You doing auditions?

Yes-- I mean, yes.

And he told me to come there.

I was supposed to be there. I'm supposed to be your getaway driver.

Shit.

Shit.

[siren honking]

What do we do? What do we do?

Fuck. You gotta get us out of here.

- How? - What do you mean, how?

You the getaway driver.

It's fine. It's fine. Be cool. Be cool.

[snoring]

- Why are you sleeping?! - This way, if something happens,

it looks like I had nothing to do with it.

- [snoring] - What are you, a fucking possum?

Been a long time since I've seen anyone back up to physical tapes.

My abuelo still uses the palm pilot.

I think old people fear the cloud.

My foster dad used to have a Betamax.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop. Pause right there.

Is that Kevin Hart?

OFFICER TORRES: The action star?

I think it is.

Jackson Pepper is the most celebrated filmmaker of our generation.

He makes serious dramas.

What business would Kevin Hart have with him?

Is there audio?

What-- no, sir. Just a video feed.

Okay.

Next time they're on camera is...

here, the trophy room.

Gotcha.

Some sort of disagreement

started right here at the table over the fettuccine.

I think that's lasagna, sir.

It was microwaved too long in order to fully melt the cheese.

Wow.

Things got tense. Words were said...

promises were broken.

Pepper exited the table,

Kevin chased after... to here.

- Kevin demands something. - Mm-hmm?

A big, splashy, award-winning role, perhaps.

Pepper laughs in his face. [laughing]

Kevin can't fucking take it,

- so he chokes him. - [growling]

All right, and then they struggle over here.

And then around over here...

and then it crescendoed, slamming him into the bookcase over here.

Finally, all the way over to this spot here,

where a rage-filled Kevin lunged at Pepper...

[groaning]

...sending him flying onto the Venetian Fauchard.

Wow.

That is impressive work.

Also very cool that you knew the name of that spear.

It's my job.

Agent Fisher, we've got clean prints

off three of the weapons in this room

and also one of the award statues.

Get everything processed as soon as possible.

He said as soon as possible. Let's move. [clapping hands]

We got work to do.

JORDAN: Maybe you don't have to run.

You didn't kill him on purpose.

- It was an accident. - What did you just say?

I didn't kill him, period.

- Don't even say that. - Okay.

Okay? It was not me. It was the Venetian Fauchard.

Please stop saying that term.

God, I should have known something fucked up was gonna happen

the minute I was in there sniffing Dustin Hoffman ass...

...cloth, he had a towel...

Shut up. Just shut up. I mean, we could go to the cops

and just explain that it was an accident.

Or we could not.

That's the stupidest idea that I've ever heard.

Then maybe they'll take us seriously because, you know, we're, like,

high-level celebrities.

First of all, we're not.

Second of all, I want you to name one Black man that was a celebrity

that ever got off with a crime.

- OJ. - Wow, that was fast.

- Now, you had that one right in the tank. - It was a highly-publicized case.

Yeah-- wait a minute, are you--

are you comparing me to fucking OJ?

Oh, my God, this might as well be a fucking Bronco.

Okay? No, what I'm saying is, from what I can see,

we are running from the cops, and by their logic, that makes us guilty.

I mean, it just feels like the right thing to do.

- What if we just go to them first? - No--

I don't know what the fuck to do.

- I'll tell you what the fuck-- - Aah!

- What are you-- What are you doing? - No!

Get your hands off the wheel!

What are you-- hey!

No!

[screams]

What did we just hit?

I think... I think it was a deer.

Yeah, yes, it was a deer.

You should go check that out.

You should go check it out.

Wait, stop there.

- Holy shit. - [sniffs]

That's Jordan King.

That is Jordan King.

And that was her at the fucking bus station.

I knew it. I knew it in my gut.

Grab the plates from that Mercedes.

It's not a touch screen.

- All right, we gotta put out an APB. - We gotta put out an APB.

I'm looking for Kevin Hart and Jordan King,

a murderer and his accomplice. Suspects likely armed and dangerous.

Suspects likely armed and dangerous.

My guy.

[eerie music]

I mean, we saw "Bambi"...

and that was sad, right?

And we know how that...

how that whole situation ends.

I mean, that's just life.

At the end of the day,

putting roads and stuff in their natural habitat...

I personally feel like the deer...

is like an overpopulation situation.

So we could just be assisting Mother Nature,

right, in balancing out the ecosystem, when you think about it.

Um, Kevin...

what if...

what if we didn't hit a deer?

["Die Hart (Go Hard)" by Kam Kalloway playing]

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