All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] red.one.2024.hdr.2160p.web.h265-accomplishedyak.srt - eng(3)

- Oh, sorry, Uncle Rick.

Excuse me.

What is this?

Like I said, we're being played.

- Now, pay up.

How'd you even find this stuff?

I can find anything or anyone.

Then why can't you find your dad?

Hilarious, Gene.

Look, I don't know what all this stuff is,
but Santa is coming tonight.

Okay, can we talk about that for a minute?

Jack O'Malley.

Kids, go downstairs.

Not you.

What are you doing, pal?

Look, we love having you here
for the holidays,

but what are you telling your cousins?

The cold, hard truth.

Cold, hard truth?

Jack, these are presents, yes,

- but these aren't Santa's presents.
- Right.

Because Santa Claus hasn't been here yet.

It's Christmas Eve. He's coming tonight.

He's coming here, to this house, tonight?

- That's what you're telling me?
- That's what I'm telling you.

And he's also going
to every other house in the world

on the same night,

using flying reindeer for transportation?

Yes, Jack.

And what fuels a flying reindeer exactly?

Carrots.

Okay, look, I don't know
exactly how it works.

All I know is, when we wake up tomorrow,
Santa will have been here.

- All right.

Let's go.

You don't want to get
on the Naughty List, do you?

Honestly, Uncle Rick,
I'm not that worried about it.

Christine,
triple-shot Americano.

Jack O'Malley.
I don't believe it.

Lenny. Do you miss me?

- Where's my money?
- I'm getting you your money.

I told you I'm gonna get you your money.

I'm on a job right now.

In fact, I'm planning on doubling it.

You still got Morris at plus-300?

Morris? That stiff?

Put me down for 25K.

You got a lot of ..., O'Malley.

I know. Brains, too.
It doesn't seem fair, does it?

All right.

Good. Feel it.

Good. Seven.

There you go. And switch.

Eight.

Good. Nine.

- Come on. Come on, now.

- Give it all you got.
- Oh.

Oh, my gosh. Fire.

- Fire.

Grab your stuff.

What are you looking at?

Gift card. Gift card.

Ultimate Vampire Assassin 4
for the Switch. Got it.

Are you gonna write that down?

No.

Steel trap.

Hey, Fred.

Got a 5-11, male grown-up,
hovering by the scented candles.

Keep an eye out.

Copy, chief.
I got eyes on him.

Hi, Santa. We made cookies for you.

Thank you.

Chocolate chip and snickerdoodle.

I love snickerdoodle.

How'd you know?

- I made them myself.
- I helped.

You know what? I've been meaning
to talk to you guys. Come here a minute.

We're live! Yo, it's your boy, Beef Stew.

And we're here at Christmas at the mall

with the boy, the GOAT, Santa.

And we're gonna get him
to put on Stew Crew T-shirt.

Sir, you can't cut the line.

Ah, what's the matter, big dude?

You don't want to show
some Christmas love to the Beef?

These kids have been waiting a long time.

Look, man, it'll take two minutes.

He puts on the shirt, and he says,
"Now we beefin'."

- Sir.
- I'm a big deal.

I have over 3,000 followers.

I'm gonna make your boy famous.

Just got to put the shirt on.

He's already quite famous.

Don't be a total--

Sir, you can't cut the line.

Have I made myself clear?

Yes, very clear.

Now, I wish you a merry Christmas.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm-I'm gonna go. Um, yep.

Now, you guys have
a very important appointment with Santa.

Man, I needed that.

So important to get out
and talk to the kids.

Best part of the job.

It's Santa!

Nothing like a crowded mall
two days before Christmas.

Yo, Santa, man! Merry Christmas!

- Merry Christmas, pal.

Tell me you're not gonna miss this.

God! What do you mean
you're sold out of essential oils?

I'm gonna bash someone's skull in.

I'm not gonna miss this.

Approaching ground floor.

Let's heat up Ice Breaker.

Freddy, secondary array.

Hundred-and-eighty-degree spread. Go.

- Copy that.
- Copy that.
Red One is on the move.

Vampire Assassin 4 is hot this year.

- Thanks, Ginerva.
- Sure thing, Red.

Carl, you got any milk up there?

Of course, Red.

I always love coming to Philly.

You think we have time
to stop for a cheesesteak?

Won't be the same without you, Cal.

It'll be exactly the same without me.

Stubborn pain in the butt.

General.

Red, good to see you.

- Successful excursion?
- Yes, sir.

The mall at Christmastime
is like oxygen for me.

Thank you.

Evening, ladies.

What are you so excited about?

Oh. Of course.

- Your boyfriend's here.

Hey, girls.

Okay. Okay.

Of course I didn't forget.

Yes, I brought extra.

Who's hungry?

There we go.

Cal.

Come on, man. Clock's ticking.

Red One, you are clear for takeoff.

All right, ladies.

Let's go home.

Thanks for the escort, fellas.

See you next year.

Kavalame!

Come on, Morris.

Go ahead.

I got it.

I don't know what the hell it is,
but I got it.

Send the coordinates.

Well, why don't you
send something my way first?

Wiring the first half now,
the rest when the data is verified.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

He's staggering.

- He's in the corner!
- No.

- No.
- Morris is down!

- No! Oh, my God.

Home sweet home.

Whoa, ladies.

- Red, welcome back.
- Thank you.

Where's the missus?

I'm-I'm right here.

Deliverables was a half hour ago.

Larry, this is going to Bermuda.

Copy that. Bermuda.

Garcia.

Welcome back, chief.

- What'd I miss?
- Nothing.

Everyone's working.

There's a bottleneck in ribbons.

Phil is blaming wrapping.

Wrapping says Phil's being overdramatic.

Everybody's feeling the heat.

All right. I'll talk to him.

Please. Phil's driving everybody nuts.

Phil in ribbons
is having a total meltdown.

Maybe it's time to find
a less stressful spot for Phil.

I don't know, tinsel?

Phil out of ribbons?

Just a thought.

He's got a dog named Ribbons.

Yeah, right.

Four ninety-five. Four ninety-six.

Four ninety-seven. Four ninety-eight.

Four ninety-nine. Five hundred.

In five minutes. Not bad.

Yeah, getting warmed up.

All right,
I'm gonna run the simulation model

on Belgium and Holland again
just to be safe.

- Thank you, sweetie.
- All right, if you need me, yell.

Hey, Callum. Jump in there.

Get him ready, okay?

- It's almost showtime.
- Yes, ma'am. Will do.

Hey, boss.

Cal.

- Give me a spot, huh?
- Got it.

Up.

Tell me why.

Time for a change, Nick.

- It's like I told you.
- Yeah, I heard you.

And I'll respect your decision,
but I want to know why.

- Let's go heavy.
- Yeah. Got it.

You're looking strong.

We work for the kids, Cal.

We do it for them.

And I know you love that.

You live for that.

So, what's going on here?

I love the kids.

It's the grown-ups that are killing me.

Go on.

- The list.
- What about the list?

We're up almost 22% year over year.

I'm aware of the numbers, Cal.

What are you getting at?

For the first time ever, more people
are on the Naughty List than not.

And it's like they don't even care.

So much bad behavior out there
everywhere you look.

Uh, you say it all the time, Nick.

We choose every day who we want to be.

With big decisions and little ones,

and every one of them matters.

But I look around,
and they act like none of it matters.

If nothing matters to them, it seems to me
they need us now more than ever.

That's why there's only one you.

And no one with my doubts
should be so close to you.

You need somebody younger,

someone 300 years old, in their prime,
who wants to change things.

Not our job to change people, Cal.

People change themselves.

We just show 'em that we believe in 'em.

All of 'em.

'Cause we know who they really are,
down deep.

We know that somewhere
inside every lost grown-up

is the kid they once were.

Our gift is that we can see that,
even when they can't.

We work for the kids, Cal,

even when they're not kids anymore.

I'm just having a really hard time
seeing it.

And that's why.

Let's have a cookie.

The answer to everything.

Got to carb up.

You know, I burn about 400--

You burn 430 million calories
every Christmas Eve.

- Yeah.
- Yes, I know.

One last ride, huh?

One last ride.

Mmm.

Here!

Get to it, Lads.

Alpha check. It's Drift.

Looks like a light just fried
on the anterior west face

up around mail room 19-B.

Anyone up there?

Yeah,
this is Jeff in maintenance.

You don't miss a thing, Commander.

- I'll check it out.
- Thanks, Jeff.

Hey, Jeff, looks like we got
a few more of 'em, too.

What's going on up there?

Jeff?

Jeff, do you copy?

Who's with Red?

Arthur,
is he still with you?

Negative, chief.

- Kenny, do you have him?
- Not in the gym.

Who's with Red?

Gorman, are you in the residence?

Finkle just took over.

Finkle. Finkle!

I need eyes on Red now!

- Mail room, negative.
- Study, negative.

Mistletoe hydroponics, negative.

He's not in the gallery.

Logistics, negative.

Anteroom, negative.

Candy cane packaging, negative.

Nursery, negative.

Nick. Nick!

Breach!

- We have a breach!
- Does anyone have eyes?

Code green! Code green! Full lockdown!

Armored snowcat heading north.

Copy that.

- Locating.
- Who has eyes?

- Just turned right on Pine.
- Copy.

Containment barrier five going up.

Street unit six, deploy.

Box 'em in!

Agents down.

Raise barrier 72!

Raising 72.

Snowcat just turned left on Candlestick.

There's a hole in the dome.

What the hell just happened?

- There's been a breach, Director.
- I know.

Red has been taken.

What? Where's Cal?

- I'm right here.
- Cal, what happened?

- Who could've done this?
- Zoe, I don't know.

We are 24 hours to Christmas Eve.

- We cannot--
- Yes, I'm well aware.

Okay. Okay, let's take a deep breath.

Start from the beginning.

They cut a hole in the CF Dome
using an atomic plasma torch.

From the footprints, I'd say
there's eight to ten of them-- human.

They rolled in
on a remote armored snowcat,

which they used as a diversion
before they blasted out of here

in a NORAD-blind cargo jet.

Good God, Cal.

I'm gonna find 'em, Zoe.

We're gonna work together on this.

We were just told that someone hacked

the Intercontinental
Seismic Surveillance System.

I don't know if it's related,
but if someone knew where to look,

that's the only vulnerability
in the cloaking.

Who?

We don't know yet.
The trolls are scouring the Web.

Name and address.

They're working on it.

Then tell 'em to work faster.
We don't have time for this.

Director, the trolls have a trace.

Patch them in.

What have you got?

We traced the relays.

Looks like The Wolf.

The Wolf.

Who the hell is The Wolf?

Mercenary, bounty hunter,
works for the highest bidder.

A ghost on the dark web.

FBI's been trying to recruit him
for years, but he's a freelancer.

He's probably
the best tracker in the world.

The guy's a legend.

What?

Nice. Are you in town?

That depends.

- What do you want?
- I need you to do me a favor

and go pick up Dylan.

I'm right in the middle
of something important.

This isn't a good time for me.

Yeah. Me, either.

I have two mothers-to-be
with weakening contractions

and labor that's not progressing,
and Craig's out of town.

Liv.

Dylan got in trouble at school.

I just need you to go pick him up
and drop him off at my place.

- Liv.
- Jack.

I'm stuck at work, and Craig's away,

so just do me a favor
and go pick up your kid.

- I got it.

I got it. I got it, I got it, I got it.

Hey, buddy.

- Hey, you got any aspirin?
- What?

No.

I got to get
something in my stomach.

- You want a churro?
- No.

Shut up!

Hey, man. Can I get two?

- I don't want a churro.
- I heard you. They're for me.

So, what are they saying you did?

Tampered with the school's
attendance records, which I did.

Allegedly.

Never admit that.

Thank you. Have a good day.

Yeah, yeah.

The music teacher leaves his computer open
during fifth period.

Mm-hmm.

I started to ditch science
so I could go and practice guitar,

then I'd change it on the computer.

Makes sense.

There's this girl in jazz band, Piper.

She started to ditch with me,
but then Kevin--

Who's Kevin?

My best friend. At least he was.

What'd Kevin do?

Kevin found out and wanted to ditch, too.

But he's not even in jazz band.

He just wanted to hang out with Piper.

I was the one hanging out with Piper.

So I'm supposed to go in
and change his absent to present

- so he can hang out with Piper?
- It's bullshit.

So, instead,
I gave him three more absents.

Good. Send a message.

He got busted and told the vice principal.

Kevin.

So I slashed the tires on his bike.

- I know, you're disappointed.
- I am disappointed.

Look, if you're gonna hack a mainframe,
you do it quietly.

You go in through a back door,
no fingerprints.

But more importantly,
the second this kid Kevin

knew what you were doing,
you got a loose end.

Never trust anybody. Anybody.

And never let someone get the upper hand
on you, 'cause they'll use it.

Yeah.

All right, I got to go practice.

I have this dumb winter pageant thing
tonight for jazz band.

A pageant? Oof.

I know.

I said it was dumb.

Good luck.

- We're gonna talk when I come in.
- I know.

- Thought labor wasn't progressing.
- Yeah, then it did.

Thanks for picking him up, though.

I don't know what's going on
with him these days. He's acting out.

Yeah, well, you know, growing up is tough.

Is that why you're avoiding it?

- I walked right into that.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

He'd really love to see you
more often, Jack.

I just picked him up.

- I know.
- It was really nice. We had a good talk.

He told me about school.
I mean, I don't know what--

He would love that to happen more often,
is all I'm saying.

I got to go to work.

Okay.

Merry Christmas, Jack.

Yeah.

"Merry Christmas, Jack."

Hi, Jack.

We know what you did.

Huh?

We know what you did.

Okay. Um...

First of all, sorry.

Second, could you be more specific?

Honestly, you could be talking
about 12 different things right now.

Who are you working for?

Lady, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I work for whoever pays me.

You have about 40 seconds

to become helpful
before you have a terrible accident,

so I'm gonna ask you one more time:

Who hired you to find him?

- Find who?
- You know who.

I promise you I don't.

If I did, I would tell you.

I'm not a scrupulous person.
You can ask anybody.

The Intercontinental
Seismic Surveillance System.

Sound familiar?

Yeah. I did that.

It was a weird job.

Somebody was trying to find someone
who was running tests

on some weapons systems
in the arctic, and I...

I found the location, and I walked.

For who?

I don't know.

I'm telling you, all the communication
is encrypted and untraceable.

That's how it's supposed to be

so if someone like you shows up
I don't have any answers.

Look, I don't ask questions.

I just find people
that no one else can find.

It's what I do.

You really don't know what you did.

I guess not.

I mean, I can tell
you're very upset about it, though.

Box him up.

Box me up?

Wait, wait. What do you mean? Hey.

Is this really necessary?

Ow.

Cool place.

How long you been here?

M-O-R-A?

MORA.

The Mythological Oversight
and Restoration Authority.

Come again?

We are the multilateral
international organization

responsible for securing and protecting
the mythological world.

Come with me.

- Did you say "the mythological world"?
- Yes.

Right.

So, uh, bigfoot,

Loch Ness Monster, that kind of thing?

That kind of thing.

Okay, so...

things that don't actually exist,
you guys are responsible for.

Got it.

Holy shit!

If he knows anything, he ain't talking.

All right. Horse back to the pen,
body back to Area 32.

And get the pumpkin
back in the cryo-vault stat.

Yes, Director.

What the hell was that?

The Horseman.

We're questioning all the usual suspects.

The Headless Horseman?

Hey. What did that
Taser thing do to my head?

It's not a Taser. It's an Acquiescer.

Just take a deep breath
and have a seat, Jack.

What am I doing here?

Last night, at roughly 11:00 p.m. NPST,

Red One, also known
as Saint Nicholas of Myra,

was abducted from the North Pole complex.

The data you retrieved from the I-Triple-S
was used to pinpoint the location,

which has been secure and classified
for several hundred years.

Use your words.

Are you saying...

Santa Claus has been kidnapped?

And you think I had
something to do with it?

Where is he?

Is that him?

Jack "The Wolf" O'Malley,
meet Callum Drift, commander of the E.L.F.

The E.L.F.?

Turns out Jack here didn't know
what he was doing.

Somebody hired him to find the complex,
and incredibly, he did.

Who?

- He doesn't know.
- I don't know.

- Yes, he does.
- No, he doesn't.

They always know something.

Sometimes you just
got to shake it out of 'em.

I'm not gonna like you.

I can tell right away, out of
everyone here, I like you the least.

Garcia.

What the...

Yeah, chief.

- This guy's not cooperating.
- Ah.

Should we do the thing?

I'm afraid we're gonna have to.

- Cal, let's talk about this for a minute.
- There's nothing to talk about.

You can't trust this guy.
He's on the list.

- What list?
- You know damn well what list.

Look, I'm not on any watch list.
I know for a fact that...

Wait a minute.

You don't mean--

Yes, that list. You're on it. I checked.

- NL-Four.
- Are you telling me

this clown is a Level Four Naughty Lister?

- A Level Four Naughty Lister?
- Oh, is that funny to you?

- Hey, hey, hey. What are we doing here?

- Come on.
- I know this is killing you,

but you have to trust me.

Dismembering this shit bag
isn't gonna help.

It would feel good, but it won't help.

I'm right here.

Shut up.

- What are you thinking?
- We're gonna put him to work.

- No, absolutely not.
- Excuse me?

You said you work for whoever pays you.

Today that's me.

He's not telling us everything he knows.
Look at him.

He is telling us
everything he knows.

He just doesn't know who hired him.

Well, I mean,
how much are we talking here?

- Garcia.

Okay.

Okay. I don't know who it was,
but I can figure out where they are.

Or where they were last night.

God.

Look, it is anonymous--
I don't know who it is--

but in my line of work, I need insurance,
you know, in case of billing issues,

so I Trojan-horse a digital tracking bug

- into their VPN.
- Are you saying--

Yeah, I can track the device.

Then I suggest you do it.

Can we circle back
on the whole paying me thing?

I know what they paid you.
We'll double it.

- Triple.
- Garcia.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on!

All right, all right. Double's fine.
It's Christmas.

Wise choice.

I need my cell phone.

Whoever did this...

- is in Aruba.
- Where in Aruba?

I work alone.

- You used to.
- No offense,

but I'm not rolling into Aruba undercover
with a giant elf.

It's E.L.F.!

- Cal.
- We can't trust this guy.

That's why you're holding the leash.

And this...

...is how I can find you
anywhere on Earth.

You're mine until we find him.

I suggest you get going.

Claws!

Well, this is unfortunate.

No, this is what needed to be done.

I sincerely doubt that.

You know, I know a guy
who's gonna be very upset about this.

What are you gonna do with that?

The world is a mess
because they fear nothing.

I'm going to give them something to fear.

I'm going to do in one night

what you have failed to do for centuries.

And what is that?

I'm gonna make the world a better place.

What are you doing?

Borrowing some of your energy.

Now...

...go to sleep, Nicholas.

Go to sleep.

We doing some last-minute
Christmas shopping?

Gearing up.

Grab a car, something practical.

Here.

Let's go.

Ooh!

What the hell just happened?

Toy stores.

Toy stores what?

The supply closets are portal stations

for the North Pole Field Network
Transit System.

Car.

I said practical.

Like what, a minivan?

Who wants a practical Hot Wheels?

Also, what difference does it make?

I gave you a directive.

A directive?

Is that what
you think is going on here?

I'm telling you now,
you better listen to me

because things are about to get real.

- How did--
- I adjusted it to reality.

- And does that--
- No, it doesn't work on everything.

No, you can't try it. No, you can't drive.

No more questions. Now, get in.

And be careful with those robots.

So you're like the bodyguard
for Santa Claus.

I'm the commander of the E.L.F.

What's that stand for?

Enforcement, Logistics and Fortification.

But as far as you're concerned,
it stands for

Extremely Large and Formidable.

Mm-hmm.

And that's all you do all year, just...
protect Santa?

- It's a big job.
- Sure. Sure.

It's one day, though, right?

Like, it's a big job for one day.

We work 364 days a year
because on that one day

we deliver presents
to several billion individual domiciles

across 37 time zones without ever
being detected by a single human being.

We prep, we rehearse every moment,
every stop down to the last chimney.

So yeah, it's a lot of work.

Three hundred and sixty-four days?

We have Boxing Day off.

Wouldn't it be easier if you broke it up?

You know, like send different teams out
different places, just more efficient?

No, it doesn't work like that.

He's got to do it all himself?

He doesn't have to. It's his purpose.

He's a singular force in the universe.

Okay, so worst-case scenario--
is there someone that can step in for him,

like a vice Santa Claus?

Are you listening to me? No.

No one can do what he does.

He knows when you're sleeping,
he knows when you're awake,

and he knows that about
every single person on this planet.

He has a list the size of Rhode Island,
and he checks it twice.

If you were to try to read that list
just once,

it would take you a decade,
but he does it twice.

And the reason why
he's able to do any of it

is because he is Santa Claus,
the one and only,

and no one else can execute his mission.

Which is?

To spread cheer, asshole.

Good feeling.

Ready for a test.

Bring me the weapon.

Duplication complete.

Good.

Now let's see if it works.

Who do you have in mind, Mum?

We'll start with
the first name on the list.

All right, now we're talking.

Well, it was nice to meet you, Cal.

Good luck with everything.

Thank you so much.

I'm just gonna live here now.

- Gonna marry her.
- Why don't you focus?

We got to find your guy.

Not a lot of fun, are you, Cal?

Oh, I'm fun.

As a matter of fact, I won the prize
for most fun gift wrapper

for 183 years in a row.

Well, I take it back.

Want me to show you how to do this?

I would suggest
you give it a shot.

I see the worst in everyone, Cal.

It's my gift.

And it's the key to my work.

I can see a person's worst qualities
just by looking at 'em.

See, look at this guy.

He's married but not to her.

That's why he has a tan line
where his wedding ring should be.

- This guy's about to screw over that guy.

That's why he's laughing too loud.

And this guy... now, he's interesting.

Why, you ask?

- I didn't ask.
- Well, I'll tell you.

Shoes.

Look around.

Anyone else at the beach wearing shoes
besides you, me and him?

And we're all working something.

Ah.

He's a Karmanian Death Merc.

So is that guy and that guy.

You can tell by the tattoos
on their hands.

This is all fascinating. How about we find
the guy we're actually looking for?

That's the guy we're looking for.

The Karmanians are his security detail.

- You sure?
- I'm sure.

We'll have a few drinks, paint some nails.

We'll see where the afternoon takes us.

Hey, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What are you doing?
- Going to talk to him.

No. No. We got to go in sideways here.

Remember when I said
they're called Death Mercs?

We'll be fine.

Keep walking.

I need to talk to him now.

Keep walking.

I'm gonna count to five.

Then what?

- Then you're gonna get hurt.
- Oh.

Listen, ...head. It's Christmas.

So in the yuletide spirit,
I'm gonna say it one more time.

That was... so disturbing.

- What's this?
- What the hell, Ted?

Just give me a minute, sweetheart.

I got to talk to these absolute morons
for a second,

and then we'll go get some boba.

Okay.

- Where is he?
- Who?

- You know who.
- You really want to do this?

Uh, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

And while I'm enjoying this visit from,
uh, the Magic Mike Christmas brigade,

I got a couple ladies
waiting on boba teas.

- Okay. Hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait.
- I'm playing, big boy. Come on.

Before you implode this man's skull
across this heavenly beach,

- can I have a crack at it?
- Look, I'm telling you,

for your own health and well-being,
I suggest you leave right now.

You don't know who I know.

All right. Well, you know what I know?

I know you bought
some information yesterday

and you paid quite a bit for it.

Coordinates, the arctic.

I know this 'cause I'm the one
who sold 'em to you.

You...

You're The Wolf?

No. You should not be here.

Do you know what you've done
by coming here?

My client is not to be messed with.

- Who's the client? New York?

Much worse.

She'll kill us. She'll kill us all.

- Who is it?
- I can't say her name.

She will hear.

- Write her name in the sand.

- "Gree-la"?
- You idiot.

- "Gry-la"?
- No!

"Gree-la"?

Cal, Cal.

Callum Drift,

storied warrior of the North Pole.

Gryla, the Christmas Witch.

It has been many years.

Not enough.

Where is he?

He's right here, fast asleep.

Signal from Commander Drift.

Gryla,
where are you?

- The Witch.

I need him back unharmed immediately.

It is not to be, warrior!

I need M-WAT teams in motion

- to every one of her ancestral haunts.
- Yes, Director.

What is it you want?

The same thing I have always wanted
for hundreds of years.

To make them behave.

The time has come...

...to punish the naughty.

All of them.

Everyone who is on the list.

Everyone who has ever been

on the list.

From killers to jaywalkers.

Anyone who's ever lied or littered.

Anyone who's ever been rude or late.

You're talking about almost everyone.

Everyone I see fit.

Tomorrow they will all be punished.

And he is going to help.

You know he doesn't punish people.

Step away, warrior.

Let him go, Witch.

I've warned you.

And I've warned you.

You can't see it yet,

but when you wake up
this Christmas morning,

the world will be much, much...

...nicer.

What in the actual fu--

Get those teams moving now.

- What the hell was that?

What was that? What the hell was that?

- Where is she?
- We got to get out of here.

- Where is she?
- I don't know.

I'm just a middleman. I brokered the deal.

- I'm telling you,
she does not mess around.
- Cal. Cal.

Snowmen.

No.

Get him out of here. He's our only lead.
Don't let him get iced.

All right.

Come on.

Go. Go.

Just got to rip off their carrots.

I'll remember that next time it comes up.

Want to give me a hand here?

You'll figure it out.

I'm sorry, I think you're confusing me
with someone who cares!

Tell Grandma I don't have time
to pick up her meds.

She can take the bus.

Goodbye.

Asshole.

Get a life.

What the...

It's still here.

What do you mean it's still there?

It's supposed to come back to me.

The machine isn't working. Fix it.

Now, or else the next test
will be on one of you.

Yes, Mum.

Careful.

That's it.

She iced the broker.

She really wanted to shut him up.

By the time he thaws out,
he'll be useless to us.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

My guys scanned all the surveillance
footage from the Pole last night.

Look at this.

- That her?
- Sort of.

She's a shape-shifter.

She's actually a 900-year-old ogre
with 13 sons who kill on command.

Huh.

Tracking shape-shifters
is a nightmare.

She said that she was gonna
punish them all, every level.

I'd be more worried
about what she didn't say.

She wasn't negotiating.

It's a kidnapping with no demands.

Doesn't usually end well.

Unfortunately, our only lead
is now an ice cube.

Not pointing any fingers.

- Cal, not helpful.
- Yeah, Cal.

Not helpful.

So, what would you normally do?

I mean, normally,
I'd be running credit cards,

checking pings off cell phone towers,

trying to build a footprint--
her, her associates.

Never tracked a witch before.

Dated a few.

Right, Cal?

I've dated several witches.
What's your point?

Would she have any footprint
that I wouldn't know about

because I'm, like, a regular human being?

Have you run a check on recent UDMs?

- What's that?
- Unauthorized deployments of magic.

Lot of hits. Pretty typical stuff.

Couple of abjurations in Nairobi.

Handful of divinations
in Santiago and New Orleans.

No, she's a conjurer.

Got a pair of conjurations
eight days ago, few hours apart.

Picked up the echo
off the resonator in Germany.

The brother.

- Whose brother?
- Nick's.

- Santa's got a brother?
- Adopted, yes.

She's working with the brother.

We don't know that.

No, but can you think
of a better place to hold Nick?

Think about it.
It's under a concealment dome,

and MORA has no jurisdiction
because of the treaty.

He doesn't leave, and we don't visit.
That's the deal.

We bust in and Nick's not there--

MORA's not going. We're going.

And he's never gonna know we're there.

- Cal--
- T minus 17 hours, Director.

Keep me in the loop every step.

In two hours, I brief the presidents
and prime ministers

and kings and queens of everywhere
so they can prepare.

Prepare for what?

For the possibility of no Christmas.

Hey. You don't have a Wonder Woman
action figure, do you?

That's not how it works. Come on.

Ah, damn it.

- Come on.
- I'm coming.

I can't believe
they're out of essential oils!

Hey.

Dylan asked you to go
to his concert tonight and you said no?

What? No, that's not what happened.

He actually said I shouldn't go.
He said it was gonna be lame.

If he didn't want you to go,

he wouldn't have brought it up.

An actual parent
doesn't need an invitation.

They just go,
whether the kid likes it or not.

That's what parents do.

Well, we both know
that's not my strong suit, Olivia.

Look, if he wanted me to go,
he should've just asked me.

He's vulnerable, Jack.

He's a kid, and he knows
you never show up.

Olivia, I'm in... I'm at work.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't want to have to tell you
what to do, Jack.

I want you to figure it out on your own,
because it's pretty easy.

The concert starts at 7:00.

Well, I'm not gonna be home by 7:00.
Just tell Dylan that I--

I'm not telling him anything.

If you want to tell him something,
do it yourself.

What?

I didn't say anything.

Dylan, right?

Yeah.

He's a good kid.

Yeah, I know he's a good kid.

It's not what you think.
His mother and I were never together.

I mean, I'm his father,
but I've never been his dad.

She's a doctor now,
and she's married to a really good guy,

and he is a good dad,
so the last thing the kid needs is, like,

you know, some spare dad
who's a degenerate gambler

hanging out with the scum of the earth,
who's got nothing to offer him, so...

Honestly, the best thing I can do
for the kid is keep some distance

so I don't get in the way
and he's not disappointed all the time.

Uh-huh.

"Uh-huh," what?

I'm just saying,
if you're trying not to disappoint him...

...doesn't sound like it's working.

Okay. I can't believe
I'm asking this, but...

what's the deal with Santa
and his brother?

They used to work together...

back in the beginning.

Red gave gifts to well-behaved children,

and the brother helped keep track
of who they were.

Then the brother started making lists.

And Red was always
uncomfortable with that.

He didn't like the idea of a running list
of misbehaved children.

But the brother became obsessed.

So you're saying Santa's brother
started the Naughty List?

Yes.

And he started to punish
the kids who were on it.

Red was furious.

So he took the list away,
and the brother never forgave him.

He went out on his own,
eventually hooking up with the Witch,

who was also in the punishment game,

working Iceland
and several other Nordic territories.

They were together for years,
but it ended badly.

Santa's brother have a name,
or is it just "Santa's brother"?

His name is Krampus.

All right, listen to me. I don't know
what's waiting for us in here,

but the brother, the Witch,

they're extremely dangerous,
and not in the ways that you're used to.

If you see them, do not engage.

So don't pick a fight with the Witch.

Got it.

If Nick is here, he's probably
being held in the dungeon.

There's a door around back
that the guards use.

We're gonna have to quietly sneak
through the courtyard,

past the guillotines,
break in and head down.

The guillotines?

Also, do not touch anything
under any circumstances.

There is much in here
that is not of the natural world.

You're human, therefore weak.

So, if you need to touch anything,
get me to do it.

Wait a minute. Are you not human?

Do I look human?

Hey. So listen, man.

I think, if you don't need me here,
I might just go back to the car.

Shh.

- Hellhounds.
- Hellhounds?

Stand back.

Ellen, distract them.

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

Ooh, ooh, cha, cha.

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

Ooh, ooh, cha, cha...

- What'd you do?

What do you mean what did I do?

I didn't do anything.

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah. Ooh, ooh, cha, cha.

Thieves!

Holy shit.

- Whoa, whoa.

Cal! Cal!

My name is Callum Drift,
commander of the E.L.F.

- We are not thieves.
- Yeah, we're not thieves!

We're not thieves!

- Oh!

This was in his pocket.

All right, I can explain that.

I can explain that.

I told you not to touch anything.

It was an innocent mistake.

You tried to steal a priceless piece
of gold from the Dark Lord of Winter.

Not innocent and not a mistake.

Well, who leaves their gold just lying out
in an open treasure chest?

It's a tribute box to Krampus.

Guests come, they leave him gifts.
You stole from it.

I shouldn't be surprised.

Is that 'cause I happen to be on the list?

You disappointed in me, too, Cal?

I have no expectations of you, Jack,
so I can't be disappointed.

You know, I got problems of my own.

I owe somebody a lot of money
that I don't have.

I see this giant pile of gold
sitting there.

If you look at it a certain way,
what choice did I even have?

You have every choice. It's all choices.

You don't just happen
to be on the list, Jack.

You put yourself there.

You decide to steal gold.

You decide to only look out for yourself
over everyone else on this Earth.

Every one of those kids
who are counting on us.

Counting on me to do my job.

Nick always says that every decision,
big or small, is an opportunity.

To be nice?

To be good.

Or not.

I was one day away from retirement.

Then this happens.

After 542 years.

I resigned yesterday.

You did?

Why?

I couldn't see it anymore.

Couldn't see what?

Doesn't matter.

The third touch.

Is that him?

What are they doing?

They're playing Krampusschlap.

Krampusschlap?

It's the official game of Krampusnacht.

Ever undefeated, Dread Lord Krampus!

Callum Drift.

Lord Krampus.

The festivities are just beginning,

but I don't remember inviting you.

You shouldn't be here.

You know you shouldn't be here,

and yet here you are.

And with a mortal.

Uh, I'm Jack O'Malley.

I didn't... I'm not...

We didn't even... I mean, obviously we...

I just met him today.

The big one was armed with this.

A Northern Vambrace.

Thank you.

Just what I wanted for Christmas.

Krampus, I can explain--

You're trying to find him,

and you thought he would be here.

Well, guess what, Northerner.

He's not here.

Last night, he was taken
from the compound by the Witch.

And I know that she was here not long ago.

Are you accusing me of something, Drift?

You and she were partners once.

Roaming the countryside, the villages.

Punishing people.

Yes.

But back then, she was glorious.

An ogre 18 feet high.

The skin of an elephant.

Giant pair of tails.

And yes, punishing as the cruelest winter.

We had some wonderful times together.

But I gave up that work, remember?

I spent 700 years menacing the naughty,

trying to scare them into decency.

I did my part!

The only punishing I do now...

- ...is for fun.

Like my good friend over here...

- ...enjoying his headache on Krampusnacht.

But today is not Krampusnacht.

In this house, Northerner,

- it is always Krampusnacht!

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah!
Ooh, ah, ooh, ah!

- Ah, ah, ah! Ooh, ooh, ah, ah!

Ooh, ah, ooh, ah! Ah, ah, ah!

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah!
Ooh, ah, ooh, ah! Ah, ah, ah!

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah! Ooh, ah, ooh, ah!

- Krampus!
- Ah, ah, ah! Ooh--

Why was she here?

Many years ago, she gave me a gift.

She came because she wanted it back.

A gift? What gift?

The Glaskäfig.

On its face, a simple glass snow globe,

but its true purpose is nefarious.

Tremendously punishing.

She wants to punish them all.

The Glaskäfig is solitude.

A prison for but one.

Krampus, I need to find him.

Let me go.

And why...

would I do that?

Because we need him.

Now more than ever, we need him.

And you know that.

Let me go.

Northerner.

You are not going anywhere.

You, get out.

And deliver this message
to that MORA scum.

There is a price for this intrusion.

Now and forever,

Drift belongs to me.

So I can...

just walk out of here?

I suggest you run.

You'll learn to love it here.

Take him away.

Wait. Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Uh, sorry. Wait.

Um, uh, L-Lord... uh, Mister...

Lord Krampus, um...

you and I aren't so different.

We're pretty different, but I think
we have some things in common.

Ah. Do you, now?

Yeah.

I mean, you strike me as a guy
that likes to have a good time.

Bit of a gambler?

Well, so am I.

Now, when we came in here, my man told me
that he thought he could beat you

at your game, uh, Krampusschlap.

- What?

Now, initially, I said, "No way."

But the more I see him getting riled up,
I'm starting to like my odds,

so just hear me out.

If you win, we go to your dungeon forever.

If he wins, we walk.

Unless you don't want to for some reason.

I mean, I get that. He's a big guy.

No shame.

Lot of people watching.

Imbeciles.

- I love it.

- Oh.
- Ooh, ooh, ah, ah!

Ooh, ah, ooh, ah! Ah, ah, ah!

Smack the shit out of that goat.

The rules are as follows:

The contestants
will exchange blows in turn.

The first to be knocked out or die loses.

First touch.

That's you.

You know, I really wish there was
another way that we could do this.

- Come on.

I'm sure you do.

He's still your brother.

And he never gave up on you.

What would you know about it?

I know him.

Take your best "schlap."

Interesting.

My turn.

I could be merciful

and kill him on the first touch.

But what fun would that be, huh?

Oh, my God.

Hey, buddy. You okay?

He just slapped the shit out of me.

Yeah, that was so embarrassing.

I love this game!

I can't... I can't beat him.
He's a winter demigod. I--

Just get up. Trust me.

I can't...

Second touch.

Oh. Sorry.

Let me make it easier for you.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Cover us.

Ellen, come on!

I thought I had some shady friends.

I can't believe that worked.

Yeah, sorry about that.
It's all I could come up with.

No, it was great.

Oh.

I misjudged you.

Not what you'd expect
from a Class Four Naughty Lister, right?

Well, it's Level Four.

- Ah.
- But that's what I'm saying.

You could've left, but you didn't.

Thank you.

All right.

Should we go find your guy?

Let's save Christmas.

Right.

Say it.

- I can't.
- Yes, you can. Say it.

- I don't want to.
- Let's save Christmas.

I'm not gonna say that.

I'm gonna need you to say,
"Let's save Christmas."

All right. God. Okay.

Let's save Christmas.

That was terrible.

Okay.

All right, all right.

Let's save Christmas.

- There it is.
- All right.

All right, so the, uh, snow globe,
what's the deal with that?

The "glossy pig"?

Glaskäfig. It's German for "glass cage."

Well, what do you think
Gryla's trying to do?

- Is there--
- Shh.

...Gryla's trying...?

We got to go.

Mum.

Ready for another test.

Good.

The next name on the list?

No.

I have a better idea.

She said she wanted to punish them all.

It seems like the Glaskäfig
was just for one person.

Is it possible she can make more of 'em
with, like, witch magic or--

She would need billions of them.

She's immensely powerful,
but that's a big lift for a conjurer.

Okay.

I mean, honestly, the only place that has
that kind of manufacturing capacity--

Look out!

This something that happens to you a lot?

Unexplained player piano
in the middle of a German highway.

No. This is rare.

It's for you.

Well, I'm not touching that thing.

Just get back in the truck. We'll drive
right around the haunted piano.

- We have to open it.

This... this is how it starts.

You're doing it.

- Oh, see?

Dylan.

Did you send me this stupid present
instead of coming to this thing?

Wait, what?

Because if you don't want to come,
I don't care.

I wanted to be there. I really did.

- Then something--
- Just stop, okay?

You don't have to pretend
because my mom is guilt-tripping you.

I'm not pretending.

- I really want to find a way--
- You never come to anything.

Yeah, I... I know.

- I know.
- Whatever.

I got to go. Just don't send me
any more stupid gifts, okay?

W-Wait, wait.
Dylan, what'd you mean by that?

This thing.

- Dylan, don't touch that. Wait.
- No, don't.

Do you seriously think
that there's anything--

Dylan, listen to me. Put that down.

Because I'm here to tell you that--

What is this?

What's going on?

What's happening?

- Put that down!

Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

I don't know.

Jack.

It's my kid.

Find me.

- Dad?

- Dad! What's going on?
- Dylan.

Where are we?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

It worked.

Mm. Jack O'Malley.

Level Four.

What a perfect way to start my collection.

Bring production online.

Tonight, I will deliver one of these
to every single deviant on the list.

And when they wake up and open their gift,

they'll join my collection,

and the world will be
in the hands of the righteous.

Finally.

Tonight, I make the ride.

Director, we have Drift.

What happened?

What do you know about the Glaskäfig?

Mythical magic snow globe
used to imprison the naughty.

Krampus has it. Why?

Not anymore. The Witch has it.

And I think she's trying
to punish everyone on the list.

Wait. Slow down.

O'Malley just got globed

- and disappeared.
- What?

His kid, too.

Oh, dear Lord.

- Run O'Malley's tag.
- Yes, Director.

Zoe, I think she's trying
to mass-produce the Glaskäfig.

- How could she possibly do that?
- Think about it.

What's the one place that's capable
of something like that?

The North Pole?

But Nick's not there.
The complex runs on his power.

That can't be it.

- Unless--
- Unless he never left.

- But the snowcat, the jet.
- Drones, diversions.

Nick is still there.

Director, I am not picking up
a signal for O'Malley's tracker.

Because he's under the dome.

But I've been talking
to your team all night.

You have?

Try Partridge.

- Connect to Partridge.
- Yes, Director.

- Hi. Cal.
- Hey. How you holding up, MC?

Well, I can't sleep.

I'm just keeping myself busy
baking cookies for him.

For when he comes home.

Well, he's gonna love that.

What do you got baking?

Just pulled out
a fresh batch of macaroons.

He'll love that.

Hang in. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks.

That's not her.

What do you mean?

Nick hates macaroons.

They're shape-shifters.

The Witch, the Lads.

They're all shape-shifters.

The North Pole has been taken.

They're onto us.

Where are we?

- What's happening?
- Okay, okay, okay, okay. Now, listen.

Now, I know
what this is gonna sound like.

Basically...

...Santa is missing,
and that giant lady is a witch,

and she got the snow globes
from a giant demonic Christmas...

goat man.

And now they're gonna make
millions of them

with that magical photocopier thing.

Look, I don't have
all the technical details,

but basically, these globes are meant
to imprison the naughty people forever.

Forever?

Not forever. I didn't...
Scratch that last part.

- Remember, can't trust anyone.

- I've got a signal.

O'Malley is here somewhere.

- We're close.
- Hey, chief.

Fred?

- I'll let the team know that you're back.
- How about you don't?

Shape-shifters.

Good tidings.

It says he should be right here.

The old tunnel system.

Runs right beneath the original workshop.

Let's go.

Is this happening because I was ditching?

What?

Is it because I slashed Kevin's tires?

No, no, no, no, no, no, Dylan.

You said it was for naughty people,
didn't you?

Well, she said that, but--

- What did I do?
- Dylan.

Look at me.

You may have done some things
that you shouldn't have.

Everybody does. Everybody.
There is nothing wrong with you.

You're only in here be...

because of me.

What did you do?

Mm. Lot of stuff.

It's... long list.

But bigger than any of that,
it's what I didn't do.

What are you talking about?

I've been a terrible father.

- That's not true.
- Yes, it is. It is.

I haven't been around.

I told myself I was doing you a favor,
which is bullshit.

It was bad for you,
and it was terrible for me.

I've made some mistakes, pal. I know that.

But I also know that I can do better.

And I know that's easier said than done.

I know it's a lot of work,
and I hope it's not too late.

Every day,
every decision is an opportunity.

And I want to start taking some of those.

So I'm not asking you to believe me.

I'm just asking for you to...
give me a chance.

I know I may never be
the greatest father in the world,

but I know I can do better,

and I'm telling you right now
that I promise

I will never stop trying.

What just happened?

I think I just got a little bit nicer.

- Can we get out of here?
- Yeah.

First, we got to find somebody. Come on.

Ow.

Cal.

If you could make any toy in the world
real right now, what would it be?

Wonder Woman.

It's him.

You all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

It's good to see you.

Dad?

Buddy, come here.

I want you to meet some friends.

Cal, Zoe, this is my son Dylan.

The one and only Dylan.

Your dad's told me so much about you.

Welcome to the North Pole.

Huh?

I can't believe she got
the old Quatuplicator back online again.

This thing has been out of commission
since the late 1800s.

This thing was cranking out snow globes
like rat turds,

and it just stopped
like somebody pulled the plug.

Cal, we saw her.

She said she was
gonna do the ride herself.

- What?
- Deliver one of these snow globes

to everybody on the list.

That's impossible.
The sleigh won't lift off.

Without him.

We can't let that sleigh take off.

There's a subterranean access point
to the hangar.

Wait.

Chief.

Garcia.

Cal.

Ma'am.

Where is he?

Gryla, stop!

I was just leaving.

- Go. Take him.
- Come with me, Dylan. Got him.

Come on!

Go!

Hyah!

Nick.

Come on, Red. I got you.

Red?

Come back to me. Come back to me, boss.

Wake up.

Nick? Nick!

It's Cal.

Cal!

Holy shit.

Jack.

Run.

No way, man.

For a guy like me,
there's worse ways to go out

than by trying to save Santa Claus.

Gryla!

It's time for you to go.

Oh, I'll go,

but I'm taking him with me.

You're not taking him anywhere.

His power has been wasted
for far too long.

The punishing begins tonight.

You're gonna have to go through me first.

With pleasure.

- Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

- Ooh, ooh, cha, cha.

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

Ooh, ooh, cha, cha.

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah. Ooh, ooh, cha, cha.

You imbeciles have no idea
how to talk to a woman like this.

A real woman.

She's my ex.

Hello.

My love.

Get out of here, Krampus.

I can't do that.

And lovely as it is
to see your miserable face,

my brother has somewhere to be.

Just like old times.

Haven't you had enough?

If you want to take him,

you're gonna have to kill me.

- Gladly.

Your sacrifice will mean nothing.

- Gryla!

Enough!

Any last words
for your most faithful warrior?

Only one.

Kavalame!

Merry Christmas, Witch.

No!

No.

- No!
- Well, look at you.

Oh, shut up!

Nick.

You okay?

Yeah.

What took you so long?

Well, look what the cat dragged in.

Let's not get mushy.

Thank you, brother.

Merry Christmas...

brother.

You want to maybe stick around a while?

Don't push it.

Get to work.

And you...

I want a rematch.

Happy Krampusnacht!

Oh, my God.

Honey, where are you?

Mom,
you're not gonna believe this.

T plus
six minutes.

Sky Train, this is Partridge.

Back in the chair and back on track.

Good to
have you back, ma'am.

We are currently
six minutes behind schedule,

so we're gonna run this preflight
like our hair's on fire.

Dylan.

Jack.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Thanks for your help today.

He helped, too.

I know.

All systems
are go. Thirty seconds to launch.

Hey, Drift.

Have a great ride.

Merry Christmas, Director.

Dylan. Jack.

You guys coming?

- What?
- Really?

Come on, let's go. We got to roll.

Red One, you are clear for takeoff.

- Copy that.

We're coming at you.

Yes! Yes!

He really does it, doesn't he?

Goes everywhere
in the entire world in one night.

He's a lot cooler than I thought he was.

- And a lot more athletic.
- Yeah.

- Guy's a beast.
- The guy is a beast.

You're seeing it, aren't you?

Yeah, I knew you'd get it back.

I lost it there for a while, Nick.

It's easy to lose it, Cal.

Important thing is to keep trying.

Nick.

I'd like to stay on.

If you'll have me.

You got it, Commander.

Did we just save Christmas?

I think we just saved Christmas.

- Kavalame!