Original subtitles

Yes, it's been a very difficult few months.

When something like this happens in such a small village,

the repercussions are felt everywhere.

It was a very, very tough time for the whole community and...

..by the end, I think I could say it left us exhausted.

BBC NEWS THEME TUNE PLAYS

Police discovered nearly 170 of them in a nearby lock-up garage

and dozens more in a room at the local bowls club.

The ringleader of the plot was...

Look at Martin there, without a beard.

Looks like a shaved worm.

Have you got anything to say, Mr Mucklowe?

Any apology?

Anything to say today?

Just you wait till the next bit, as well...

The prosecution's case hinged on evidence given

by Martin Mucklowe's own family, in particular his daughter Kerry.

Now, this...

..actually amazes me.

You know why?

Because there's not a human on this planet who looks like that.

Oh, Kurtan, stop winding yourself up!

Kerry, you look like a sponge, for Christ's sake.

Your chins are so large it looks like you're wearing an aeroplane

pillow the wrong way around.

And my nose, they've drawn my nose bigger than yours.

That's like drawing a parish church bigger than the Shard.

Mind-boggling.

Martin got two years in the end, didn't he?

Yeah.

Kerry had to testify against him in court,

as well, didn't you?

Yeah, I did, yeah.

And so did I.

He was not best pleased with that, I can tell you.

He just tried to intimidate me the whole time.

First he was staring at me like that.

And then he was doing stuff like that.

And then when the judge looked over at him, he just turned

it into that.

Kerry got community service, as well, in the end,

didn't you?

Yeah.

We looked then we saw him step in on the mat.

We looked and we saw him,

the cat in the hat.

For my community service, I basically had to read books

to the visually impaired, which was as bad as I thought

it was going to be.

Basically, it's a picture of a cat in a very much too large of a hat.

And there's a little fish in a bowl, looking out as if to go...

"What the fuck?"

And I believe it's in connection with the hat.

Well, we did hope Martin being sent away would give Kerry some sort

of closure, but that doesn't seem to have been the case at all.

Yes, I did testify against my dad, but they made me do it,

unfortunately, when I actually didn't want to do it.

But when the police were talking to me,

I got the intention from them that if I didn't testify

against my dad, I would get ripped apart by police dogs.

They didn't say it, but it's what they didn't say.

Well, you know my feelings on Martin.

Don't like the man, so I was very happy seeing him sent down,

you know? Don't think Kerry was.

Which is probably part of the reason why she's sort of misbehaving

at the moment.

Argh!

What are you doing?

Sorry.

Yes, I am worried about Kerry at the moment.

Her behaviour's completely off the rails, at present.

Frankly, she is behaving like the Antichrist.

Everyone slags you off, Colin, at the bowls club.

Arthur calls you an absolute bozo.

He says you're shit at bowls.

Keep walking!

This is her in the village shop last Wednesday morning.

I had to beg Mrs Wicks not to share this with the police,

but, I mean...

Utterly mindless.

When you're on two wheels, you can do whatever you want.

It's like an elephant trying to ride a tricycle,

watching her go down the road.

Shut up. You're just saying that, because you ain't got a bike.

She can't fit her arse on it.

I can. I just choose not to.

Yeah?

What?

Who?

Yeah.

Oh, that's sad.

What for?

Oh, that is sad.

KNOCKING AT WINDOW

Fuck's sake.

Fucking hell.

Here's Kurtan! Oh, my God, I actually nearly died then.

I'll scare her.

Let me have a go.

Let me have a go. All right, careful.

My dad actually used to have one of them. Yeah? Yeah.

It is my dad's! Yeah?

Look, M-M, Martin Mucklowe.

That's my dad's intimidation mask.

Intimidation mask? Yeah, he used to wear it when Dominic Littlewood

knocked on the door.

Who's Dominic Littlewood?

The guy from Cowboy Builders,

the little funny bald bloke.

Oh, yeah.

What was he after?

Something about a driveway.

Unfinished, I imagine.

Where did you get this?

From Sandra's garden, she was throwing it out

with a load of other stuff.

What the fuck?

Where you going? Sandra's.

That's annoying. I literally just got here.

Sandra is Martin's partner and although she's had two kids

with Martin, I actually think she's all right.

But her and Kerry don't get on at all.

You know. They're like two rats arguing about who can be first

behind the Pied Piper, not realising that he's leading

them both over a cliff.

Onto some, like, jagged rocks, you know?

So it doesn't matter who's first behind the Pied Piper,

because they're both going to get their heads crushed in.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

How has she thrown out all my dad's stuff?

I absolutely... I cannot stand that woman.

I'm actually going to knock her out if I see her.

Kerry, Kerry, Kerry, Kerry. I actually will.

Why are you throwing all my dad's stuff away,

you mentalist?

I'm not getting into this now, Kerry, all right? Sandra!

Talk to me!

I'm not doing this now!

Not today!

I can't... Kurtan.

Let's just get this stuff.

What are we taking?

Leathers.

Get the radio.

Get that other bag.

Yeah.

How do I think Sandra thinks about me after the trial?

I actually know how Sandra thinks about me after the trial,

because I went on her Facebook page and she posted the status that said,

"Hate fake people that testify against my partner Martin."

And I commented underneath it saying, "Are you talking about me?"

And then when I went back to check to see if she'd commented,

she'd actually blocked me and she'd blocked me from Instagram,

as well, so I think that says it all.

Hello, hello. Come on in.

Lovely to see you. Hello, boys. Thanks for having us.

How lovely to see you.

It's been a very tough time for Sandra and her children.

I've got squash, I've got biscuits.

Since Martin was convicted, the council have given her

an eviction notice, because of the house being involved

in Martin's criminal activity, so Sandra came to me for help

and I'm glad she did because, together, we're going

to file an appeal.

So that brings us to number six.

That's great, Sandra.

This is probably the most important bit of the form.

It's where we need to state as clearly as possible our case

against the eviction order, so...

It wasn't Martin that put the hoovers in the house,

it was Kerry.

Right. Because Kerry stole a key from Martin and let herself

in when we were out and put the hoovers there. But I'm not...

And said if Martin didn't let her, she was going to drown Mr Chuckles

in a bucket of bleach.

Who's Mr Chuckles?

The boys' chinchilla.

Right.

But Sandra, I don't think that's something Kerry would do.

I do know her... But she did.

And, before she left, she ran up a £300 telephone bill

on Babestation.

Right. She must have had the flu at the time, because the entire

living room was littered with scrunched-up tissues and none

of us in the house had a cold.

Right. So shall I just write that down?

Let's come back to that in a minute, shall we?

The worrying thing is I've learned how much Martin has been playing

Sandra and Kerry off each other. Which is no surprise,

really, but it's concerning to hear the lies Martin was feeding

Sandra about Kerry.

One of which was that Kerry had cashed in all the family's

premium bonds and spend the money on Nazi paraphernalia.

And another was that Kerry had been beating Martin with an iron pole.

This is all my dad's stuff.

This is what Sandra's just going to chuck out,

she's such an evil witch.

So controlling, as well.

You know she didn't even let my dad go out, because she used

to think my dad was cheating on her.

Really? Yeah.

She wouldn't even let him go to skittles, because she used

to think the skittles were shaped

like curvy women's bodies.

And she had a Taser, as well, and she used to Taser him

in the crotch every time there was a programme

with a woman on it.

But the only show that my dad could actually watch in the end

was Blue Planet, but he wasn't even allowed to watch the dolphin bit,

because she'd think that he'd get turned on

by the dolphins' blowholes.

It must have been absolute hell for my dad.

Number seven.

Well, that's easy.

Today, the vicar has been helping me appeal the eviction.

He's been so great.

He's helped with everything. And now I feel a bit bad

that Martin always used to call him a bald nonce,

cos I've left him on his own with the boys loads

and they've never said anything...

I know you said no wafers, but I brought some out

just in case.

Thank you, Vicar.

That's no problem, I'll just be in the office.

See what he's like?

He thinks of everything.

And it's been quite revealing hearing his side of things.

Because, like with the hoovers, according to Martin,

Kerry was the brain behind the whole thing.

Mum!

There's no holes in my crumpets!

There's no holes in my crumpets!

Oh, yeah. There they are.

Yeah, I did, yeah.

Since the trial, I haven't been working at the bowls club.

Basically Terry let me go.

Initially I thought it might be something to do

with the hoovers being stored there and that,

but Terry just said the club can't afford to have the luxury

of a bar manager at the moment and, yeah, it was sad, but Terry's

a businessman at the end of the day, so I've got to respect his decision

and I'll always do what's best for that club,

that's the thing.

But that's just life, I suppose, isn't it?

Just full of hellos and goodbyes.

This happens to be one goodbye that is tough to take.

But we'll move on.

Kurtan is very, very, very bad at moving on.

Like, once he fixates on something, he just won't let it go.

He's like a ghost with unfinished business.

They're bowling like a bunch of absolute pubes out there today.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

How have they all aged so horribly

in such a short space of time, as well?

Brenda, I literally can't believe she's just sat there laughing,

like it's funny.

Bishops Cleeve are literally creaming us

and Brenda, she's just sat there, with her visor on, laughing.

It's been amazing, going through my dad's things,

because I found out so much about him.

Like, I found out that my love of two wheels is actually in my DNA,

because my dad was in a biker gang called Satan's Fingers.

Here, look.

Can you see?

How good does this jacket look on me, as well?

Proper smart.

Lethal.

See, this is the old gang, look, here.

That's my dad, there.

He was called Lady's Finger.

That's Crazy Finger.

That there's Fish Finger.

And that there's Pull My Finger, because he was the joker

of the pack...

Until he killed himself.

One day he just walked into the sea, and he just kept on walking.

No-one knows why.

God, woke up in a cold sweat this morning thinking,

"Shit, ain't ordered in the Mini Cheddars

"for the County Cup semis."

Because they're like crack to old people.

Then halfway through my conversation with Steve, the supplier,

I realised I don't work at the bowling club no more.

It's nice having my days back, I suppose.

So I've actually been getting into fitness recently,

just like working out, doing weights and that.

Already really noticing the difference, just

in the definition, really, and core strength.

Oh, here he is.

Is that a ghost I see before me or is that the real Arthur?

Oh, shut up! I was going to go through with it.

No, you weren't! I was! I was.

But my veins is too small. They couldn't get the needle in.

Honest! Yeah, yeah, whatever!

Basically, Arthur went to Switzerland to get euthanized

at a euthanasia clinic.

He had this chronic stomach pain.

He was just being a massive emotional drain on his family.

But in the last minute, he chickened out.

He's hardly shown his face since.

And everyone from the bowls club were a bit pissed off

because they threw, like, this massive leaving party for him.

They even all clubbed in to fly his old schoolmate over from Australia.

Cost, like, four grand.

And him and Arthur ended up falling out at the end of the night

over a bloody bar tab.

Well, that would be absolutely amazing, Trev.

Yeah. Are you serious...?

Yeah, cos...what, all I need to do is just sort out a list.

So, basically, I had this idea, because everybody's turning

their back on my dad and that, to get back in touch

with the Fingers, and my dad's old mates.

And I found one of the numbers on the back of this bit of paper,

and it's one of the Fingers, called Trev.

And I rang him up and spoke to him and he was just so lovely

about my dad.

He said that I should go and visit him because he's got

so many stories to tell me about my dad.

And they sound really funny.

Like one, apparently, involves a nun,

a condom machine at Heston Services and a very young

Charlie from Casualty.

Come on through.

This is where I've been working out, really.

Basically Slugs has been telling everyone he's opened a gym,

but it's just a bench press in the garden.

But now I've got a bit more time on my hands I thought, "Fuck it,"

might as well use it, you know.

I would work out at home, but Nan doesn't let me,

because I left a dumbbell on the carpet once.

It left an indent.

She went absolutely apeshit about it.

It was a new carpet, that's why.

Thinking about getting like a punchbag to hang off there,

that would be good.

Maybe like some sort of bin, just fill it with protein powder

and a scoop and just help yourself whenever you want, really.

But, yeah.

That's excellent.

I'm really impressed.

Do my arms look bigger to you, Vicar?

Erm... Yes, I'd say so.

Yeah?

Bet you can't get out of my grip.

OK. Yes, very good.

Very strong.

KURTAN EXHALES

Yep.

Beast Mode.

One, two...

I'm not sure if Kerry's told you, but she wants me

to drive her over to see one of Martin's old friends.

..five... Well, I'm...

..six... No.

No?

I'm in two minds about it, really.

Why? What's the problem?

Well, I just don't know what she is...

Yeah, take it.

..what she hopes to gain from it.

I mean, she seems obsessed with this biker gang.

The last thing I want is her getting involved with Martin's old friends.

Honestly, Vicar, you've just got to let it go.

Let her be, for God's sake.

At the end of the day, she'll be obsessed by the bikers

one week and then the next week, it'll be something else.

Last week she was obsessed with saving the bees.

And the other day I literally saw her purposely stamp on one.

Yes, you might be right.

I just...

I just wasn't sure if it's the right thing to do,

given her state of mind at the moment.

I actually don't want to be harsh, Vicar, but I actually think

you might have Munchausen syndrome.

You know, you're making Kerry think she's got something wrong

with her when, actually, I think it might be you that's a little bit

sick in the head.

What, Munchausen?

Huh?

Shit.

Yes, I think I will take Kerry to see this chap.

And although I don't think it's necessarily the best thing

for her to be doing at the moment, I'm going to listen to Kurtan

on this occasion.

He certainly knows her the best.

Polly says I need to listen more.

We all have our faults.

She doesn't listen either, to be honest.

Between you and me, she puts far too much sugar

in her strawberry jam and then she wonders why she's not

placed in the jam festival each year.

I'm so excited about today.

The only thing I'm not excited about is spending two hours

with the vicar in the car, because his music tastes are so bad.

Like, he said if God had a singing voice,

it would sound a lot like David Gray.

Whereas I think if the devil had a singing voice,

it would sound a lot like David Gray.

Morning, Kerry.

All right?

Right. Seat belt, please, Kerry.

I haven't even got in the car yet.

Give me a chance.

19,000 people die a year from not wearing a seat belt.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

Kayleigh says I've let myself go a bit.

So I set up this gym in my back yard and I've been

working out ever since.

How many is that?

That's got to be enough. Yeah, I have spent a lot of time

just getting screwed over in the past.

Not just by one woman, I think quite a lot of them

have done this to me.

At the moment, I'm taking a break from it all.

Because it's just...

It's too hard.

Yeah, I know where Slugs is coming from.

I had a relationship

of my own that broke down recently.

And because, you know, in a relationship you don't always

have to say, you know, how much you care about someone,

how much like them, because you do it through

actions, as well.

You just do it by being there, by turning up half an hour early

before a shift.

Going two hours after you're meant to have finished, you know.

Staying at the bowls club all night, just so the toilets are perfectly

clean before the County Cup.

That's, you know...

That's love.

Now, Kerry.

I've been talking to Sandra.

Why? Well, because I felt it was important.

I think we need to get to the bottom of things.

Look, I think there may have been a few crossed wires.

Sandra can go eff herself as far as I'm concerned.

Kerry. I didn't even swear, then!

I find abbreviating it just as offensive.

Oh, great, so I'll just be mates with the woman who used

to beat my dad with an iron post, shall I?

That sounds like such a laugh.

I don't think that's true.

It is true.

No, I don't think she did that. It is.

Anyway, don't you want to get to know your brothers a bit better?

No. They're my half-brothers.

I know... All right, your half-brothers.

If they don't make the effort with me, why should I actually make

the effort with them?

They're ten and six, Kerry.

Yeah, age is no excuse.

Anyway, Sandra's got a nice little gift coming

to her through her letterbox...

What do you mean by that? ..soon from me.

What do you mean by that?

What don't I mean by that?

What DO you mean by that?

It's a nice little surprise, if you like surprises

that are pig shite.

No, Kerry. No. Yeah.

No, you're not going to do that. I am going to do that.

No, you're not. You're just showing off. I'm not showing off!

You are showing off. Oh, what, to them?

I don't even care about them.

Ten black spiders standing on the wall

Ten black spiders standing on the wall

And if one black spider should accidentally crawl

It will crawl up your trousers and paralyse your...

Nine black spiders standing on the wall...

That's good, I like that!

Nine black spiders, standing on the wall

And if one black spider... Standing on the wall

It will crawl up your trouser leg and paralyse your...

Eight black spiders standing on the wall

Eight black spiders standing on the wall

And if one black spider should accidentally fall

It will crawl up your trouser leg and paralyse your...

Seven black spiders...

One black spider standing on the wall

One black spider... Join in!

Standing on the wall

And if one black spider should accidentally fall

It will crawl up your trouser leg and paralyse your...

Massive bollocks. All right, Kerry.

Shall we do it again? No.

Terry!

That's Terry there, look, sat down.

The one with the leather jacket, that's him.

Actually, give me a minute.

I might just say hello. Stay there.

All right, Terry. All right, Kurtan.

Yeah.

How's things?

Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah, not bad at all, thanks.

How's the club, then?

Colin's still driving me up the wall.

Some things don't change.

No, they don't.

Anyway, nice to see you, Kurtan.

All right. Yeah, cool.

All right, cheers, Terry.

Yeah, see you.

Did you see that?

There's a game on now and he's just sat there necking pints.

There'll be no-one behind the bar.

I tell you what, he'll have a riot on his hands

when all the old duffers realise there's no sandwiches.

He's just sat there self-medicating with Stowford's Press.

You know, it's very clear the bowls club is going to the dogs

and that's sad, really.

I'm taking no pleasure in seeing that or seeing Terry just totally

consumed by his own self-loathing.

But if there's a lesson learnt here, it's that if you remove

a vital cog in that machine, that machine will just implode.

You know, it's like taking an engine out of a Fiat Panda.

Yes, it will freewheel for a bit, but at some point

it'll just plough into a wall.

It definitely is this road?

That's what the map said, I think.

It seems a bit out of the way, no?

Yeah... Let's keep going.

Is that it, do you think?

Yeah. Crumbs.

Wow. That's a bit odd.

Do you think that's him?

Yep.

I think that must be him.

Right.

Do you want to get out first?

Yeah, if you like.

It's all right, Kerry, I'm coming in with you.

Hello, are you Trevor?

I am, yeah. Hello, I'm Francis Seaton.

Lovely to meet you. Nice to meet you. Are you Kerry, then?

Yeah. Oh, you're Trev?

I am. Trev, really nice to meet you, mate.

Wow. It's really nice, yeah.

All right. Yeah.

That's good. All right.

Did you find it all right, this place?

Yeah, I found it all right, yeah.

Well done. Well, you'd better come in.

Thank you so much for having me, Trev.

You know how much this will mean to my dad.

It's my pleasure. I'm just really sorry to hear about his troubles,

that's all. Yeah, it's an absolute stitch-up.

It's what they do to us bikers.

Well, yeah. You'd know.

And he was a bloody good biker, your dad. Was he?

Oh, yes, he was.

And he had the looks for it, and all. Yeah?

Everyone knew him because of this big beard he had.

Big beard?!

Yeah, yeah. Really? Dad?! A big beard, yeah.

Didn't you know about that?

No, I didn't know Dad had a massive beard.

Well, there's a story there. Yeah?

1976, we were all riding down to Durdle Door

and word gets out that a coachload of Donny Osmond fan girls has broken

down on their way back from this London gig.

And apparently they're queueing up to give out

blowers to any biker who'd give them a backy back down to Weymouth.

So, Kerry, us Fingers - we are piling it down the A419

and we are as stiff as pool cues.

And then my gas tank puckers up and I'm left stranded on the side

of the road, knowing full well that if I don't get

down there quick,

the only person left to suck me off will be the bus driver.

And then suddenly your dad appears.

And he takes the straw out of his milkshake and he sucks

the petrol out of his gas tank and he spits it into mine,

and he carries on until his gas tank is completely empty.

And he looks at me and he says,

"Trev...

"..you deserve this blow job

"more than me."

That's beautiful.

So anyway, I give him a big hug by the side of the road and I jump

back on my bike and as I'm pulling away,

I look in my wing mirror and I see he's lighting up a cig.

Before you know it, his whole beard's gone up.

He burned his follicles so bad they wouldn't grow back.

No?!

Really?!

That was Big Martin for you, always putting other people first.

It's been absolutely amazing, off the chart, meeting Trev today.

Like, I was a little bit nervous at the start because of the axe

and the dead animals and that, but he's been absolutely great.

And especially after everything that's happened with everyone

turning their back on my dad, you know, it's so important

that people know the Martin Mucklowe that I know.

And not the peeping one.

I just can't help myself.

Got to pop by bowls club and see the utter carnage unfold.

Terry will be late with the sarnies,

that'll send Arthur into a rage, he'll be fucking throwing chairs

again, Len will be kicking over the tables.

They're like dominoes.

When one starts, they all bloody kick off.

Watch out, Len's about.

That's a sore sight for sad eyes, isn't it?

All right, Len, what are you eating?

Cornflakes. Where did you get them from? The food bank.

You all right?

No. What's happened?

I'm banned.

What you done now, you doughnut?

Len ain't done nothing.

Len, you haven't been using that selfie stick

to look up women's skirts again, have you?

No.

Well, what have you done?

I only go in the bowls club to keep warm.

I've got nowhere to go.

Neil chucked me out because I couldn't afford

to buy a drink.

Sorry to hear that, mate.

Terry kicked you out?

Not Terry, Neil, the barman.

Barman?

Yeah.

What do you mean, barman?

There's a new barman?

How many times I got to tell you?!

All right. Fucking hell.

That's... That's not true.

He's losing his fucking marbles, that's what.

Hang on, hang on. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

See - no barman.

Hang on, who's that?

He's got my tie on, that's weird.

He's serving drinks.

That's a new barman.

I don't believe that.

That's a massive knife in the back.

Is that Arthur laughing?

I've never seen Arthur laugh.

He told me he ain't laughed since he was part of the squadron

that carpet-bombed Dresden.

Which either means it was so harrowing for him that he hasn't

been able to laugh since, or it was the last thing

that genuinely tickled him.

I just...

A new barman?

I feel... I feel a bit sick, actually.

I need to go home.

See you later, Len. Ta-ra.

So I think that's the Fingers, am I right?

Oh, look at that. There's the Fingers, there. Another one of the Fingers.

I remember that. I remember that very well.

You all look absolutely mad. Yeah, yeah.

There's another one of you and my dad.

There's some other ones...

Hold on, that's not Big Martin.

Yeah, well, he's put on a lot of weight.

No, no, no.

That's Big Martin there, Martin Bullard.

We call him Big Martin because he's five foot five.

That man there, that's Martin Mucklowe, that is.

Yeah, that's my dad.

Martin Mucklowe's a bastard.

He was a liar, he was a cheat, he was a thief, he was selfish,

he was a backstabber.

He had no morals, he broke every code the Fingers swore by.

And you do know he was responsible for Pull My Finger

committing suicide? You do know that, don't you? What do you mean?

Derek Sprawls was his birth name.

Poor sod.

He was born with the worst case of cleft pallet I've ever seen.

A face even a mother couldn't love, a face so twisted it looked like two

hands wringing out a damp cloth.

So they sold him to some Romany Gypsies...

..for a rusty Ford Prefect and as much lucky heather

as they could fit in the boot.

He worked the carnivals.

Unloved.

Overworked.

Arms like tree trunks from spinning the waltzer carts 15 hours a day.

That's where he met Sue, local farmer's girl.

A girl so big she had to have a whole cart just to herself.

But Derek didn't mind about that.

He loved her, you see?

But Martin, being Martin, he couldn't stand to see

Derek happy.

So one summer solstice, we're down at Stonehenge watching

the sun go down, we hear those grunts from behind the stones.

And we all go over to investigate.

And there's Martin and Sue, they...

Well, you can probably guess what they were up to.

What were they up to?

Martin was stuffing her.

He was stuffing her so hard from behind, with no care,

no love or nothing, it was just a cold-hearted stuffing.

And all the time he's grinning at Derek, as if to say,

"Whatever you love, Derek, I will take it from you...

"..and shag it."

You all right, Kerry?

I know just the man to help get us through this.

MUSIC: Babylon by David Gray

To show you how I really feel

Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

If you want it, come and get it

Crying out loud

The love that I was giving you was never in doubt

Let go of your heart, let go of your head

And feel it now

Let go of your heart, let go of your head.

Sorry, it's actually making me feel car sick,

you singing like that. Sorry.

Terry, right, hired a new bar manager,

yeah, after telling me they couldn't afford to have one.

He lied to me.

And to rub it in, he posted a picture of the new barman

on the Facebook page.

Look at that - posing with my food hygiene certificate.

The certificate I earned with my hard work,

not his, and he's posing with it like he earned it.

You know, I'm utterly raging now.

I think you've really got to let it go now.

Let it go!

You are such an unemotional slab of ham, Kerry.

Listen right, I got that hygiene rating to a three.

Do you know what it was before?

A one? No! No, no, no, no.

It was a none, yeah?

That kitchen was condemned, that kitchen was not fit to serve

food from. And do you know why?

Why? Because Terry used to use the raw chicken board to cut the lemons

on for the cokes and he used to laugh about it, as well.

I've got so much shit on that man you would not believe.

Yeah, go on.

All right, another time, yeah, before a bowls match,

he walked over to the buffet table when no-one was there,

he said, "Kurtan, watch this", dropped his keks

and farted on the quiches. If that came out, that'd ruin him.

That would ruin him, actually.

Yeah.

And another thing Terry don't know is that I still know the security

code to the back door, so I could just go in there at night

when no-one's there, get my certificate back,

which is mine, and I could rob the tills if I wanted to.

I mean, I probably wouldn't, but I could.

You could, yeah.

Terry's too much of an old scrote to know how to change the code.

That's why he needed me, to do all his tech stuff...

Yeah. ..because he's too much of a digital dinosaur.

Yeah.

I could ruin that club like that.

You could, actually.

I could. You really could, yeah.

What's that fucking smell, by the way?

It's just some pig shit.

Pig shit?! Yeah, in a bag.

What've you got that for?

I was going to post it through Sandra's letterbox,

but I think I've changed my mind.

I'm not sure Kerry got what she wanted from going

to see Trevor.

But I'm pretty certain she got what she needed in the long-term.

So I was watching this Henry VIII documentary last night

and in many ways he's a lot like my dad,

because at first

you think, "Oh, Catherine of Aragon's got a screw loose,"

or "Anne Boleyn seems like a bit of a psychopath."

But by the time you get to Catherine Parr,

you do start to wonder whether the problem

might lie with Henry.

And it's a shame because if the wives had just chatted

to each other...

Like, if Jane Seymour had just sat down with Catherine Howard,

Catherine Howard would not have touched him with a barge pole.

Hiya, are you are right?

I just wondered if I could come in and have a chat...with you.

Yeah, come in for a cup of tea. All right, cheers. All right, boys.

Yeah. Yeah.

What are you up to?

Playing with Lego. Lego?!

I absolutely love Lego.

I thought about going to Terry's house

and just having it out with him

and planting one on his alcoholic tomato nose,

but that would be too easy.

Keep your enemies close, but keep your friends close as well,

because they are your friends at the end of the day.

Revenge is a dish best served covered in pig shite.

BEEPING

So Terry's changed the code.

Erm...

I don't really know what to do now, to be honest.

I think I'll just... I'll probably just go home now,

if that's all right?

Smart fox, actually, Terry.

I should have known.

Nothing gets past him.

Fuck sake.

Basically, guys, I'm going to teach you how to run really fast.

So you've got to put your hands like this so they slice

through the air and you're more aerodynamic.

It's basically what all athletes do, and wrestlers do it, as well.

So if you want to start from here.

Here.

I've seen a really positive change in Kerry since she started spending

more time with her half-siblings.

They've given her a sense of purpose that I think she's been craving

for a long time.

Push forward, rip out their insides, take them out, walk away,

drop entrails, walk off the crime scene.

And I think it's helping her move on from Martin knowing

there are people out there who do value spending time with her.

Well, this is Marvin.

Say hello, Marvin. Hello.

And then we've got Martin.

Big Martin. Say hello, Martin.

Hello!

I've absolutely loved getting to know my brothers

the last few weeks.

Mostly for their benefit more than mine, only because I am

a mentor to them.

In like, I'm a Mr Miyagi to their Karate Kid.

Do you guys like cats?

Yeah. Do you like hats? Yeah!

Do you like cats in hats?

Yes.

Well, I tell you what, Marvin, there's this amazing book

that I've been reading.

It's basically about a cat who wears a hat.

The Cat In The Hat! That's it!

But the hat's very much too large.

You've read that one?

Yeah, I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck! What?

Fuck! That's Terry.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He's coming up the path.

Oh, my God. That actually is Terry as well.

What's he coming to your house for?

I don't know.

Do you reckon he knows what I was going to do to the club?

Fuck! Probably.

The CCTV, that's what he saw me on.

Don't answer it. Of course I'm going to answer it.

Why?! Because I don't know who it is. It's fucking Terry!

It might not be. Kerry, don't! No..

All right, Terry. Fuck.

Yeah, he's just in here.

It is Terry. Oh, right.

All right, Terry.

I tried ringing you, but your phone weren't working, so I went

round your nan's.

She said you'd be here.

Oh, all right.

What you doing tomorrow, then?

Tomorrow?

Nothing. Why?

We're a bit short behind the bar, if you fancy a shift?

Yeah, I could do that. Excellent.

Yeah, I'm free. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.

Usual time. Okey doke.

You can keep an eye on old Colin's bags. We still can't find them.

Some things don't change, eh? See you later.

See you, Terry.

Yes, I am aware I said I wouldn't work for Terry again,

but I just can't quit him, you know?

Yeah, we might have a fiery relationship,

but when we're together behind that bar, it's just...

It's just pure chemistry, isn't it?

That's what it is, yeah.

There's something in my eye.